Chapter Text
They say that everyone has three great loves in their life. The love that looks right, the love that is hard and then the love that lasts. They come into a person’s life in that order and ideally, the love that lasts is the one they end up with. That’s the idea anyway. At least, that is what Levi had learned from one of the stupid books that he had read when he was learning how to after joining the Survey Corps. It was either that or Hanji’s medical textbooks and a stupid romance book was definitely preferable to those crazy rambles, and it was that which Levi found himself thinking about, inexplicably, as Eren stood in front of him with his head bowed, eyes glued to the floor, and a bright red blush on his face, after having proclaimed having feelings for Levi.
“Will these ‘feelings’ get in the way of you doing your job?” Levi asked, making sure that no emotion filtered through to his eyes or voice. Harsh. That was harsh, and he hadn’t meant to sound so condescending, but the thing was… If that book was to be believed, Levi had already had the first two great loves of his life.
The first had been Farlan. Levi wasn’t against calling him ‘the love that looked right’ because, well, Farlan had definitely looked right and it wasn’t like there was an abundance of options in the underground. Down there, life was fleeting, but Farlan had been fierce and confident. Kind but wary, Strong but gentle, Farlan that had stood by Levi’s side from the very beginning. Farlan, who had followed Levi through the underground and fought by his side to defend what was theirs--defend the people who had come to them for protection in that shitty world. Who had accepted Isabel as a little sister figure for both of them just as easily--maybe easier--as Levi had. Farlan, with whom every bit of affection and romance had been fast and hard and dirty, because that’s all they could afford in the world they came from. Farlan, who had continued to follow Levi when they got handed a job on the surface, who had trusted Levi’s judgement--had asked Levi to trust him and Isabel in turn--and who had died between the jaws of a titan. A mistake that Levi had made had cost him his first love and his little sister. Levi had thought that he was irrevocably broken after that blow, but… Then his second love had somehow wormed his way into Levi’s heart.
The second love, Erwin, had been the textbook definition of the ‘love that’s hard’. Their ranks alone, making any thought of a public relationship impossible--not that Levi minded, he hated public displays of affection. To everyone outside of a select few people who had found out one way or another, Erwin and Levi were nothing more than Commander and Captain. Behind closed doors, though, Erwin would hold Levi so tenderly, kiss him like he put the stars in the sky, fuck him like he was made of glass. But more than their public images was the knowledge that they were both members of the Survey Corps. The branch of the military that had been hailed as the one with the people who were suicidal. The one that people only joined to die. Their death toll was insurmountable until just recently, as the tides of war were turning. Both Levi and Erwin had been painfully aware that each kiss could be their last, that there was no guarantee that each time they went beyond the walls both of them would return. As it turned out, one day it was only Levi who came back. Giving up Erwin for Arlert had been one of the hardest things that Levi had ever done, but… Erwin deserved to be able to rest. He didn’t deserve to be dragged back into this shitty world, no matter how Levi’s heart constricted at his loss.
And now Levi was looking at Eren and… While he had to admit, he had noticed the teen’s affections early on and just may harbor some of his own, he had ignored them. He had ignored them because at the time, he had Erwin. Now… Now Erwin was gone, but Levi was looking at a kid with an expiration date and his brain put a hard stop on the idea that Eren could be ‘the love that lasts’. That love was meant to be the last one, the one that remained until their end of days and Eren was going to die at 28 . But more than the stupid words of a once read novel, Levi couldn’t, abolutely could not, put his heart through that wringer knowingly again. It was barely holding itself together as it was, but another blow like the last two would… Well, it might just kill him and the world still needed Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. As much as it might be nice to have a new bed partner, Levi didn’t take lovers lightly. In fact, there had only been the two, because if he let someone see him that vulnerable they had better damn well know that they meant the entire world in Levi’s tired heart.
“Of course not, Sir!” Eren looked alarmed and almost a bit offended at the implication.
Levi had already known the answer to his question, but he really didn’t have anything else to say. Not without letting Eren see his worn and battered heart and soul and frankly, Levi was uncomfortable with that idea. After all, for Eren to see that, he would have to be the third love and the whole point of showing him would be to turn him down.
Levi stared at Eren for a few more moments, truly at a loss before he turned back to his paperwork. “If that’s all, Jaeger, I’d recommend you return to your nightly chores. I believe you had kitchen duty tonight.”
Eren stood there was a slack jawed expression on his face and stuttered. “S-sir? Can… Do you have anything else to say?”
Levi’s pen paused on the report he had been working on and it occurred to him that he had no idea what he was writing. After rereading the last line, he was relieved that the text was at least coherent, though not the most eloquent thing he’d ever written. Finally, he looked back up at Eren. “No.”
Eren’s shoulders visibly dropped and he looked so damn put out that Levi was nearly tempted to take it back before Eren seemed to snap himself out of it, saluted and all but fled the room. Levi sighed heavily as soon as the door to his office swung shut and cupped a hand over his eyes. There was no way that Eren could be the third great love of Levi’s life, because Levi was decently certain he wouldn’t survive it. No matter how his heart squeezed itself as Eren literally ran away from him, Levi couldn’t let Eren fall into that role. He just couldn’t. There was no way, with Eren’s expiration date and well… Eren was very young. He was so young. For all Levi knew, he was a passing fancy of the teen’s and Levi’s heart probably wouldn’t survive that either. Yes, that had to be it. Levi was a hero to most people, Eren included. He was like a mountain to conquer and once Eren had managed it, he would surely move on to someone who was… Well, his own age and not miserable, lonely, and chronically tired with a permanent resting bitch face.
Hell, who knows. Nothing ever worked out nicely for Levi, so he probably didn’t even get that third love. That would be too easy, too good for the likes of him. Yeah. That was it.
``~`**`~``
They’d done it. They’d won the war. The Survey Corps had their final great victory that proclaimed that all of their sacrifices hadn’t been in vain… So why didn’t it feel like a win? Well, Levi mused, it did to most of the soldiers, but he and Hanji were holed up in an office, looking at an order from the top brass of the military. An order that made both of them sick to their stomachs.
“They couldn’t possibly be serious,” Hanji breathed.
“How can they justify this? Those brats practically won the war for us,” Levi hissed.
“Fear,” Hanji sat down in her chair hard and stared at the paper on their desk. “Those two are the last titans, after all. The idiots are scared.”
“But they’re not titans! Eren and Armin are humans!” Levi was positively seething. Eren and Armin had been instrumental in winning the war and now the government had this decree sent to them via courier, stating that they should be put to death? Those kids--no, not kids, Levi reminded himself, they were both twenty five now, adults--had put their very souls on the line. They had truly pledged their hearts to the Corps and had come through when it was needed. Levi remembered, during the last battle he had been cut off from the rest of the soldiers, had been fighting quite literally for his life, but was hopelessly outnumbered, surrounded by snapping jaws and grabbing hands. Levi had actually had the thought 'this might be it. This is where I die. But I won't go down easily, I'll take as many of these bastards with me as I can.' And as if summoned by Levi's acceptance of the hopeless situation, a familiar roar had come from his left. Barrelling in, seemingly out of nowhere, having abandoned his post, Eren in titan form had swooped in like a saving grace. His teeth had ripped into the titan closest to Levi, his fist connecting with the face of another before wrapping around its neck to gain leverage to grapple a third with his legs. It was the opening Levi had needed to escape certain death, enough room for him to swing in and kill the titans that Eren had in his hold. They had faced the rest of the horde side by side, the two of them in perfect synch, titan hands and human blades working in perfect tandem to take down all who opposed them. Eren had undoubtedly saved Levi's life that day and he hadn't even found the appropriate time to thank him for it. During the battle, they had needed to hightail it back to the main force after they'd finished to support other troops and after… Well, Eren had been avoiding Levi like the plague for some time now and Levi couldn't say he blamed him. He knew he had hurt the brunette when he had rejected him all those years ago and their relationship had never been the same. Gone were the quiet nights of paperwork and chess. Soft smiles over a cup of tea in the early hours of the morning, long after Eren should have been locked up, a thing of the past. Levi only had himself to blame, but he could admit--at least to himself--that he missed those treasured nights.
Hanji bit her lip and then stood, running around the office, grabbing books and papers seemingly at random. "Levi, I need you to be acting commander for a few days. I'm going to go appeal this, buy enough time for me to find a cure."
"A cure? For… Titan shifting," Levi deadpanned.
"I have a theory," Hanji replied, almost seeming nervous. "But its unprecedented and extremely dangerous… And when I get back, I'm going to need those boys to consent to it because it could be as fatal as this piece of paper," She waved to the order on the table. “I also want to investigate and see if I can find a less dangerous way.”
"Let me go appeal it," Levi said quietly. "You work on the cure."
Hanji looked at him for a few moments before shaking her head. "You've never been good with words, Levi. No offense."
"No, you're right. But…" Levi hesitated. Other than not thanking Eren properly, he hadn't spoken about what had happened during the last battle. There was a certain amount of weakness he had to admit to if he were to tell anyone that he had needed saving, but Hanji was probably the closest thing to a family he had anymore and… well, it was for Eren. To save Eren, Levi would hang his dignity out to dry and expose his vulnerability to everyone who needed to hear it. Anything for Eren. "Eren saved my life. During the final battle, I was cornered and outnumbered and if he hasn't turned up when he did, I wouldn't be standing here right now. I will not accept that someone who has the humanity to do that could be a threat to others. I will base my appeal on those grounds. Eren is as human as you or I."
Hanji bit her lip. "Alright," her voice was soft. "But you do realize that could have ramifications on you, right?"
"Yes," Levi shrugged. "But… the war is over. No one needs Humanity's Strongest on the front lines anymore and I'm getting old, Hanji. My reflexes aren't what they used to be, no matter what I do to maintain them."
"You're still stronger than most," Hanji pointed out.
"But I'm also tired," Levi said quietly. "It has been… a long war. If there are repercussions for confessing I had to be saved, then so be it."
Hanji nodded. “Alright. You go, I’ll hit the books.”
``~`**`~``
Levi’s reputation, status as a war hero, speech about Eren and Armin’s humanity, and a promise of Hanji’s cure bought them three weeks. Those three weeks also cost him his title of captain. He wasn’t stupid. He had thrown himself in front of a government that was gunning for him to be removed but otherwise incapable of doing so because of the public’s opinion of him and all but offered himself as a substitute for their bloodlust for the shifters. Of course they’d shuffle him away at the first chance they got. They were scared of him. And rightly so. They feared the entirety of the Survey Corps, the government topplers they were. Unfortunately for them, Levi didn’t need to be a captain for people to follow him. His very existence was a symbol to most, a beacon to follow, as much as he found that comical, and short of killing him there was nothing the government could do to snuff that out. Actually, killing him would probably just make the public support for the Survey Corps greater, if he really thought about it.
They were lucky Levi had been willing to take anything if it meant saving Eren, including a demotion to glorified pencil pusher. Officially, the title was ‘Expeditions Overseer’ but really all that meant was he was stuck behind a desk for the foreseeable future, putting together reports for the government about the expeditions taken outside the walls while the rest of the Corps actually got to go on them. Basically, a fuck ton of doing nothing while they were away and then a truly stupid amount of paperwork when they got back. At least he was still getting paid for it, military salary meant military pension when he retired and that was enough for Levi. Eren and Armin would be safe, providing Hanji came through with that cure.
That was two weeks ago. Now, Levi found himself standing to Hanji’s right, looking at a nervous Eren and Armin. They looked like a couple of kids that had been called into the principal’s office at school. Sure, Hanji was the commander now, but it was still just Hanji .
“Well, I guess there’s no good way to say this other than to come right out with it. Three weeks ago, I received an order for both of your executions. Two weeks ago, Levi appealed the order before the government and bought us three more weeks so I could work on a cure for the titans inside you both. And now we are running out of time and I still only have one option. A theory more than an option, truthfully. And--Well... “ Hanji chewed her bottom lip, cutting herself off.
“What she’s trying to say is her only option--” Levi started.
“Theory,” Hanji cut in.
“--Theory,” Levi continued as if she hadn’t interrupted. “Could very well be carrying out the execution order anyway. No one has attempted what this lunatic is proposing before.”
“What are you proposing, Commander?” Armin asked quietly.
“Surgery,” Hanji leaned forward and folded her hands over the desk in front of her. “I want to literally cut the titans out of your spinal cord. If I can get the entire essence stored inside of you, I should be able to contain the titan without having it pass to someone else. I wanted to keep this as a last choice due to the fact that, unfortunately, if the surgery isn’t fast, your regenerative powers will heal over every wound we make before we can cut the titan out of you, which removes a lot of options for precision. Also… No one really knows what will happen if I cut up your spinal cord. Especially you, Eren, I’m going to have to take 8 pieces of you.”
Eren and Armin looked at each other, seemingly having a silent conversation for several moments before they turned back to Hanji and Levi. “If you don’t sedate us, we can keep our regentation from getting in your way,” Eren said.
“Do you realize how painful it will be?” Hanji blinked in shock.
“Probably not worse than ripping ourselves out of our titans,” Armin replied softly. “We can do it.”
Hanji nodded hesitantly. “Alright. We do the surgeries today. We need to be able to prove to the government that you aren’t shifters by the end of the week.”
Eren and Armin nodded in unison. Levi felt an odd sinking feeling in his gut. Something just felt… Wrong. It felt very, very wrong. Turning on his heel, he strode from the room without another word, trying to suffocate down the feeling.
“Everything is going to be fine,” he whispered to himself once he had returned to his quarters. “It’s going to be fine .”
``~`**`~``
Levi sat in his quarters, just about ready to hit his head on his desk. It had been a month and a half since the surgeries and he had steered clear of the former shifters. That feeling in his gut hadn’t gone away and Levi didn’t want to know if it had been right. Hanji, oddly, hadn’t said anything about it except that they had survived and that they weren’t shifters anymore, nor had anyone else. If he thought about it, it was weird that Hanji hadn’t ran to him and rambled about how awesome it was to perform a surgery like the ones she had, but Levi wasn’t complaining.
However, the sheer boredom of being stuck in an office with no purpose was going to be the death of him. In fact, if something interesting didn’t happen by the end of the day, Levi was tempted to stage an elaborate scene of murder pinning his death on govermnent agents before killing himself and then watching and laughing at the ensuing chaos from the afterlife.
“Levi!” Hanji burst into his office and he almost jumped at the sudden break of maddening silence. Almost.
“What?” Levi demanded, trying to cover his shock.
“I need your help,” Hanji flopped down in one of the chairs by Levi’s desk.
“With what?” Levi raised an eyebrow. Maybe his prayers for something interesting had finally been answered. At this point, he’d even take Hanji’s crazy shit.
“Okay, now, hear me out,” Hanji held up her hands. “I need you to be a personal caretaker.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” Levi crossed his arms. There was no way that he was going to be some old fart’s caregiver, or a fucking toddler. He shivered in disgust at the idea.
“Hear me out,” Hanji repeated. “He’s going to be so pissed that I came to you. The only thing he said since the surgery was ‘don’t tell the captain, I don’t want him to see me like this’--well he wrote it down actually, but that’s not important--he doesn’t know you’ve been demoted, by the way. I didn’t want to tell him what you gave up for him, that’s yours to tell or not, but he’s driving people away left and right. No one will look after him anymore and he has meds to take and he can’t cook or anything really by himself, he can’t really be left alone and something went wrong, something got crossed, he’s mute so he wouldn’t even be able to call for help if something did happen. Levi, you’re the only one with enough time and who won’t run away screaming if he throws something at you. I don’t know what else to do--”
“Hanji, slow the fuck down,” Levi growled. “I lost you somewhere in there, you were speed rambling again. Who are you talking about and what do you want me to do?”
“Eren,” Hanji sighed. “There… There were complications after his surgery. He…” Hanji’s shoulders slumped and she stared down at the ground.
“You told me the surgeries were successful!” Levi spat, leaping to his feet.
“They were!” Hanji defended, but then she slumped back down. “I got all of the titan out and Armin is pretty much fine. Eren though… There was so much, Levi, and I… I think I broke him. I messed up.” The last words were almost a whisper.
Levi sank slowly back down into his chair. The guilt and pain on Hanji's face was so intense that he himself felt like it was weighing him down. "What exactly is wrong with him?"
"He's mute and his limbs won't work right. They don't go the way he wants them to, so he can barely walk or lift things or… do most daily activities. He struggles with eating, bathing, cooking, cleaning, you name it, he can barely do it. He needs someone to help him. He's… hes so angry, Levi. Not at us, but at himself and you can see how badly he wants to scream but he can't and it just explodes into violent outbursts at the nearest person. He tried to stab a young woman who was supposed to look after him. Thank god he couldn't get his arm to swing right so he missed," Hanji sighed and scrubbed her hands over her face. "All of the people we tried to employ ended similarly."
"What about Mikasa?" Levi asked, slowly.
"Eren won't even let her in the house," Hanjo replied. "When she tried to force her way in, he held a knife to his own neck until she left."
"And you think he's going to let me within ten yards of the place?" Levi sounded skeptical. "After he specifically told you not to even tell me about his condition. The kid hates me."
"He absolutely does not," Hanji objected.
"You have no idea the lengths he went to keep his distance from me, Hanji. For nine years. There's no way he's going to let me look after him," Levi sighed.
"Well, there's no one else!" Hanji exclaimed. "Please, Levi, I need you. Eren needs you."
Levi leaned back in his chair. This had all been for Eren, hadn't it? He could do another thing for him. Always, anything for Eren, even if the man himself didn't want Levi there. "Alright. Alright, I'll do it."