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James Bond, Alec Trevelyan and Q - space travellers in a self imposed exile from their home planet. The ‘unnatural’ nature of their triad, the lack of acceptance, hadn’t been easy on any one of them. And so, between their technical prowess, brawn and charming personality (all three will claim credit for it all). They sailed through space and civilizations, living happily ever after.
The End.
...
Well, not quite.
All was well, up until the point where they ended up on the wrong end of the Devil’s Anus. (Somehow, it felt like the Gods that forbade sodomy were laughing down on them)
Q’s escape pod fell onto the planet’s surface first. James and Alec fell together. What felt like seconds apart to them, was a few weeks on Sakaar.
Imagine their surprise and absolute horror to find their Q - in the arms and on the lap! - of some weird old man with blue drool dripping off his chin! Apparently charging at the Grandmaster of Sakaar wasn’t a good idea. To be fair, the Grandmaster had clearly been taunting them.
“What can I say, I have a thing for pale skin, dark haired, slender, delectable boys.” The Grandmaster shivered as his lips did that thing where he licked them and made smacking sounds, as though Q was a feast about to be eaten.
Q pleaded for their lives to be spared, the Grandmaster relented (giving Q a salacious wink). Their lives were spared, but they would be pitted against the undefeated champions in Earth’s gladiator fashion.
James and Alec knew nothing of this strange world, but they did have the numerous gadgets Q gifted them over the years. Standing in the pit awaiting their opponents, James and Alec shared a confident grin. They had this in the bag, or so they thought, before a thunderous roar accompanied the earth shuddering footfalls of a humongous green monster. Just when it couldn’t get any worse than that. Lightning strikes the ground and the smell of ozone filled the air. The Man™ landed gracefully, yet with the air of a king (because Oh Lord bless those biceps), directly in the center of the pit.
The look James and Alec exchanged were absolutely comical. It wasn’t so much a fight, than it was James and Alec being chased around the pit. The two champions obviously toying with them. Q wasn’t overly concerned, he had the opportunity to meet Thor and Hulk. They were an odd duo, but relatively harmless. Q’s technical talk would draw Dr Banner out, while Thor seemed content to watch them in genuine interest.
In the meantime. Q was just trying so hard not to burst out laughing. Because really Alec, scaling the Hulk’s torso and clipping his nipple with a boot-hold? And James, blatantly caressing Thor’s biceps as they play tackled. Both sides had caught on by now that it was mostly an act.
Just as it seemed like the Grandmaster was growing bored. Alec activated the multipotent pen, which transformed into a staff that spun the loose sand on the ground around, creating a storm.
James leapt up under its cover, aimed his own multipotent pen at the viewing glass - behind which where Q was seated - aimed and fired. A barrage of bullets flew out of the modified rifle every one of them flying in a different direction. Down went the Grandmaster’s guards, while a few of the bullets transformed to form a net, pinning the Grandmaster down. The ones honing on Q struck true, embedding themselves into the divots Q himself had engineered in his shoulder blades.
“Finally!” Q shouted in delight. The Grandmaster looked to him, aghast and confusion written all over his face.
Typing a series of numbers on the keypad that had illuminated itself on his arm. The bullets activated their magnetic levitation properties - lifting Q, James and Alec up and out of the arena.
Like a scene in the old Earth’s alien invasion movies. The hovering spacecraft levitated the three beings up into its ray of blue light before disappearing at warp speed.
Safe once more in the arms of each other. The triad sailed through space and civilizations, living happily ever after.
The End.
(For real now)