Chapter Text
Rue had been clean for 3 years 2 days 12 hours and 6 minutes. 3 years with one or two accidents but 3 years of forcing herself to stay clean. She had her 3 year chip tucked into her wallet from yesterday's NA meeting. When she first moved out to the college campus her mom and Ali drilled it into her head that she had to keep going to meetings. At first she was upset angry that they didn't trust her, but they ended up being right. It had been good for her. The small chips made of plastic had been good for her even if they were just that plastic. Plastic that was easy to lose and easy to break but a reminder that she could hold out. Hold out even on the really bad days.
Rue laid out on the patch of freshly cut grass inhaling the smell of dirt and oxygen. The blades of grass under her hands felt like rubber as her fingertips brushed over them. Her phone rested on her stomach while echoing the sounds of some old timey rock and roll playlist. It had been a shit day as the warm California sun tanned her skin. It had been a bad night that turned into a shit day.
After NA she came back to her dorm room to the smell of cheap alcohol and sex. It made her stomach want to flip over and end itself. Her roommate knew very little about her and she liked to keep it that way. So she hid her sobriety chips, hid the random care packages from her mom, and always chucked the free small narcan inhalers she kept sending. After febreezing the hell out of the room and opening the window Rue tried to read her literature class book. By tried that meant scrolling through her phone, watching netflix, and checking the time a million times over. She was curled up around her pillow watching some ocean documentary when the dorm room door swung open.
"Oh your here," she heard her less than friendly roommate snide.
"Yep," she stressed without turning her head to stare at the likely drunk af girl.
"Someone sounds judgemental and boring," the girl loudly said.
Rue sighed she just wanted to make it through the year so she could get a solo room and stop dealing with this girls bull shit.
"What a bitch," the girl muttered loud enough for Rue to hear.
That was it. Rue closed her laptop, pushed her phone in her jean pocket, and grabbed her bag sitting in the chair. She could deal without passive aggressive becky and her antics for the night.
"Did I say something wrong," the girl with her frizzy long straightened hair and drunken smile shrugged.
Rue rolled her eyes and walked out the room her id in her wallet and left the room until she knew her roommate would be gone or asleep.
That morning she'd failed an exam, been approached to do a drug and alcoholism survey twice, and the only friend she'd made on campus was "busy". Busy meant they had no intention of hitting her back for a few hours. It was days like this she missed jules. Missed her laugh, her rants, but mainly just her. Sometimes even though she doubted a god existed she prayed for Jules. Rue cut the volume on her phone and tried to steady her breath. In those moments she prayed that something would have her next to her again. Whether it was death, a stroke of luck, or good faith she'd prayed. She knew it was dumb and usually shut her brain off with numbers quickly after. This time though Rue covered her face and swallowed hard. The sun was too much but so were the tears trembling down the sides of her face.
Rue wiped her tears and sat up there was no use in those tears. She was clean. 3 years. She should be happy, grateful even that she wasn't 6 feet under. Her phone in hand Rue unlocked it. The wallpaper unchanged from months ago when she took some photos at the coastline of the beach. It's a place she wishes she could take Jules or even drag Lexi to. Scrolling to her messages Rue opened up the latest from lexi. It was her holding an inflated 3 and a giant smile. The attached text was cheesy and heartfelt ending with for all the ups and downs.
Lexi didn't go to school too far from her but it was far enough that they barely saw each other. It had been nice being in the same time zone and region as someone who cared. Lexi always followed up with her when she knew a big sober versary was approaching. Rue scrolled through text from her Mom and Gia's snap story. Gia sent her a snap looking apathetic to whatever class she was in with the caption missing you Rue. She sent back her sister a sad face and pay attention. Facebook notifications from kat and other people she forgot existed on social media were her next venture. God she hated social media.
The sun beat down on Rues neck and her mother's voice echoed in her head a warning about sunscreen and cancer. Rue un-shrugged her shoulders and pulled her long dense curls into a weird pony bun. Standing up, she pushed a headphone in, slipped her backpack on, and started to look for a shadier spot to sit. After walking the green Rue found a spot tucked under a palm tree with drooping limbs and your basic deciduous tree. She made a note in her mind that she would have to come here more often after class. 45 concrete sidewalk squares from the spot she normally sat. Situating herself in the shade, she pulled her phone out from her oversized hoodie pocket.
She opened facebook yet again and leaned back on the trunk of the tree. A few new notifications glowed at the top of her screen.
Jules Vaughn tagged you in a photo.
Jules Vaughn tagged you in a status update.
Jules Vaughn tagged you in a photo.
Rue tapped the oldest notification.
It was a photo of them at some highschool party leaning against each other oblivious to the fucked up shit they were both going through. The fucked up stuff they rarely talked about but still had happened to all of them. The caption was simple and caused her to smile.
So proud of this one.
Rue sighed relief and tapped the second notification.
Her eyes went wide.
Waiting for her 🙃.
It was surely 6 oclock in New York and jules always had plans. Whether it was 8am or 12pm fashion school and new York in general kept her busy as fuck. Rue tried to remember if they'd made skype plans or even plans to call but nothing came up. She tapped her head because sometimes her stupid brain cells wouldn't work. Maybe it'd been all the molly or the drugs in general catching up. Switching off do not disturb her imessage notification started to blow up. *Ding ding ding ding*
Rue groaned out loud fuck. For the past 15 minutes jules had been trying to get her. And trying to schedule a phone call with her best friend was damn near insulting these days. Instead of texting back she opted for the easiest and swiped facetime. She made sure both headphones were in while the screen chimed. After a few rings the phone answered into pitch blackness.
"Uh jules." Rue said with her brow raised.
A quiet Jules murmured, "Hi."
"You okay," the screen stays dark, it was silent again. Rue tapped her head back against the tree. How did she ever expect for this long distance friendship thing or whatever to work. It started last time Jules, Kat, and Lexi visited her. They went to some party at Lexi's sister sorority house because everyone wanted to and Rue still had that issue of saying no to her friends. It ended with a drunk Kat, a rare drunk Lexi, and a sober makeout session on a couch between her and Jules. That kiss started as a way to get some creep to stop hitting on Jules but lasted for a painstaking amount of time. With Rue gripping Jules thigh and Jules slipping her tongue over and over. That night they'd laid in Rue's bed all night trying to stay quiet with what was going on under the sheets while their friends slept a few feet away.
"Stop doing that Rue it's no big deal," Jules lamented. Jules sounded calm and not pissed off at all. Rue closed her eyes because it really wasn't "no big deal" that she'd kept her waiting or that her day had turned to hell. All she wanted to do was bribe some tequila off some frat bro and drink until she passed out in bed, but telling jules would only stress her out.
"I miss you," Rue bit the inside of her lip to stop the looming crack in her voice. She looked at the black screen and felt hopeless when nothing was said back.
"Jules, you there." Silence. Fuck she whispered. Jules was likely asleep and Rue hung her head she'd wasted it wasted what little time they had. She felt her chest get tight and the voice in her throat trembled. Rue held the phone in one hand and flipped her hoodie up to sit in her sadness. If she couldn't have Jules virtually she could cry into the dark abyss while listening to her sleep. Which was not creepy at all she thought.
The screen suddenly got bright and Rue could see Jules clear as day. She was wearing a pink and white tiedye wrap dress with a matching beret. Hats had been her latest accessory jump from small backpacks. Rue was so excited all she could do was lean towards the screen and try not to burst into tears then. Jules was mouthing words,but Rue could not hear. She tried to read her lips and squinted further but she could not read lips. All she wanted to do was to hear Jules's voice and of course her phone decided to crap out she thought. She sighed heavily and slumped back, at least she could look at her in all wild fashion obsessed self.
"I said why the fuck are you sitting looking so sad Rue Bennett," Jules's voice came through clearly with an image of a pouting Jules.
Rue smiled at the screen. "Uh nothing," she shrugged. Jules grinned and then the frame froze with the words trying to reconnect. The screen flashed call dropped and Rue pulled her knees up to her head. Of course. She rested her head there accepting defeat for a bit before she would try to call her back later.
She felt fingers on her face and her right headphone is pulled out quickly with a pop. As she was about to swing and yell hey, a kiss stopped her. It took her a second to register the action, then the smell, the taste and her eyes finally put two and two together. Pulling back she yelled, "What the hell Jules."
Her hands were holding Jules by the shoulders. Her eyes soaked in everything as they started to water. Her hair was longer than before, a small amount of pale pastel purple was fading from the tips, and large sunglasses framed her face but it was no mistake Jules. Jules smiled and took her sunnies off. "You looked sad," she said plainly as she pulled Rue back into her arms, letting her body wrap around Rue as she scooted into the hug further.
"I missed you too," she chuckled.
Rue let her head rest on Jules shoulder while her arms held her close. Was she dreaming she thought but breathing in she knew this was no dream. It was real and Jules was there with her almost halfway in her lap hugging her back.
"Before you ask I'm here for my internship, no i did not drop out to come save you, and no you can't hate me, jules exclaimed.
Rue smiled because Jules knew her like she knew every piece of Jeremy Scott's fall line. She knew rue was always worried about leaning too much or pulling jules from her normalcy to deal with her. Highschool made her realize that doing so would spell the end of their friendship. It almost had meant the end amongst other things.
They were still wrapped in a hug when Rue pulled Jules back against the tree and let her relax without being completely restrained. They started talking about Jules internship, how long she'd be around (a week), and where she was staying. (After a nudge it was decided she'd sleep at Rue's dorm despite Jules school mates having a shared hotel room.)
Jules was texting on her phone leaned against Rue while she finished that book she was supposed to last night.
Some time passes and Rues phone glows brightly on in her hand she only pulled it back out to dismiss the text messages and put it back down. A notification dropped from the top with Makenna G. "Ho call me back." Rue laughed before flipping her phone back over. Jules looked at her and hummed a quiet uh huh.
"What," Rue said trying not to seem suspicious.
"Who is she," Jules's voice was normal but she kept typing on her phone. Rue glanced at the top of the screen and bit the inside of her lip. How was she going to explain this one.
"She's no one," Rue shrugged pretending to look at her book. Glancing again she saw the name at the top of the thread. Kat 🐱. Jules stayed relaxed into Rue's side and chuckled. It was low and sarcastic and Rue hated that small sense of irritation it sent to her core.
"Rue, don't lie to me," Jules rolled her eyes and texted Kat back. Rue looked at the screen again.
(Typing bubble)
Kat: wait what does that mean?
Jules: my guess is as good as yours.
Kat: so she has a girlfriend.
Rue bit her lip again and shrugged, "She's not my girlfriend or anything like that, she's just a friend."
Jules was silently pulling the lint off of Rue's hoodie with her hand in her lap. She stopped and was typing with both hands now.
"So like a new friend or an old one? " Jules responds with a question. Shifting her weight away from Rue lightly while waiting for an answer. Rue felt the shift and started rubbing Jules's forearm hoping it would reassure her. She didn't pull away. Reassure her that she could handle the bit of weight on her side and that she was telling the truth. Reassure her that there was no one else in the world she looked at, touched, or thought of like she did Jules.
Jules: she says she's just a friend.
Kat: wow.
Rue sighed she really wished they could just drop the topic altogether. She whispers to Jules, "Jules you know I'd tell you if I was seeing someone right."
Kat: you know what you gotta do.
Jules: here she goes with telling me it's nothing.
Jules: What?!?!?!
"I'd never lie to you Jules i promise...and a newish friend," Rue says aimlessly. Trying not to sound too obvious that she was hiding something. Rue quickly diverts her eyes to her book as Jules moves to look her in the face. Rue flips a page that she wasn't reading anyway to not seem suspicious. She raises a brow and returns Jules gaze before she turns back around. Rue can practically feel the air in her chest leave her body. Jules tucks herself back into Rue's side and goes quiet again. Rue can see the color of the sun changing past her open book and looks back down to her right.
Kat: you gotta pee on your territory.
Jules: ew I'm not an animal 😆
Jules: also i can't get jealous.
Jules: but, she is lying.
Rues phone starts buzzing and some country melody starts blaring. Rue groans internally as she flips it over to see the screen. Makenna glows across the screen in green. A picture of Kenna with her curly locks covering her face takes up the full screen.
Fuck she thinks to herself, looking to her right Jules is now wrapped in whatever shes watching on her phone. Rue can swear Jules had caught a glimpse of the girl on her screen but she hadn't moved. What impeccable timing Kenna had. She taps the green accept icon and holds the phone to her ear opposite Jules.
"Hey," she hums into the phone trying to not sound hurt or pissed off.
"Sorry about earlier i was busy. You know how it is," Kenna's voice was out of breath but vibrant.
"Yea, it's cool i just got in my head is all. Today didn't start off that great," Rue shifted her jaw. She was trying not to sound like she was on cloud nine right now but it was hard. Jules was next to her, in her arm, and had made her day go from 0 to 1000 in a few seconds flat. Rue was damned if anyone was going to get in the way of that.
"So were you at the gym? I almost stopped past after class," Rue questioned and pretended to listen to the highly elaborate story. It was always stories with this girl Rue thought. Tuning out she gazed at Jules who was back to her imessage app.
Kat: Is it a girl?
Jules:....yea
Kat: You think it's her.
Jules: She's pretty.
Rue groaned into the phone quietly.
"What?," Makenna stopped her story to wonder the reaction. That was louder than she intended to be, she just knew this could be very bad even though Kat and Jules both had the wrong idea. Well kind of the wrong idea. Still it hurt to think that Jules was probably second guessing the trip now. Rue looked away from the screen feeling a warm stare to her side coming.
"Nothing Makenna, you can keep going," Rue glued her eyes to a blurry sign in the distance.
Makenna went back to her story quickly ignoring or not caring about anything Rue could or could not interject into the conversation. It was always like this. Always her talking over Rue but, she was the only person who also attended anonymous meetings on that campus that she wasn't a fuckboy or a dick. So Rue let her talk, because she wasn't much of a talker anyhow. When she did need Kenna to be quiet though or to dump her own frustrations out into the world that was an easy fix. Rue had become quite dexterous with her talents since they first became friends.
The first time was an honest accident loose lips equating to loose legs or thighs but it was good and as far as Rue knew she was single at that point. Rue was grateful to just have a friend who understood her addiction and didn't coddle her or ignore her behavior. The sex and the sometimes use of her car was an added bonus. Rue looked back at Jules who was completely engulfed in her conversation with Kat and from what Rue could see now Lexi. "Fuck," Rue thought trying to catch some of Kenna's voice warbling out. Jules fingers moved faster and more erratic across the screen. Fuck Rue thought again a sick feeling took over her stomach. She glanced at the screen that Jules was far from hiding at this point.
Lexi: Wait what?
Kat: Has Rue ever mentioned a Makenna or a Kenna to you?
Lexi: No. Shit Jules are you okay?
Jules: I don't care.
Kat: No she's not.
Jules: Shut up kat. Rue is not my girlfriend. Not even close.
Lexi: Okay so we all know that's a lie.
Lexi: Jules just talk to her. There's gotta be a reason she didn't say anything.
Kat: Maybe she's a professor.
Rue laughed internally. Jules couldn't be jealous about this right.
Jules: or a bitch.
Rue kicked her internal self, corrected.
Lexi: I might be crazy for saying this but, you gotta react Jules.
Kat: Yasss Lex. I said the SAME thing.
Jules: 😆 ok liar
Kat: I'm just blunt.
Lexi: Do i even want to ask what you suggested?
Jules: Nope.
Kat: I told her she needs to fuck R. And not some secret under the cover bs.
Lexi: Oh by the way that people could hear. No one snores like they are moaning. Rue never snored when she slept over as kids and it wasn't Kat.
Kat: wow shade
Rue's face was warm and her entire body. It was one thing to be covered in a baggy warm hoodie in the middle of fall but this conversation was not meant for her ears. The one on the phone was just Kenna going on about the boy she deemed her latest gym toy. That was normal but then the one Jules was having was about her. That could have been good or bad. Her thoughts went to everything impure that night and she cleared her throat loudly. Jules ignored her and so did MaKenna. Thank God said to herself.
Lexi: Like a tree 🌴
Kat: Do it for Rue, Jules. And by do i mean catch some.
Jules: Hunger games? Really?
Lexi: I agree with Kat.
Rue was shocked her jaw almost hit the floor. These three were really conspiring against,well actually for, her benefit. She was even more shocked when the shifting daylight gave away that she was staring at the now reflective screen of glass. Jules saw her shocked reflection in the glass and squinted hard.
Jules turned to face Rue and she tried to turn her head quickly. Shit no, she just got here, Rue could only decide she already managed to fuck the week beforr it even.started. It really was only Monday. In her left ear MaKenna's voice asked a question which she picked up on.
"So what did you do since you couldn't get to me?," she asked with a voice like an ashtray full of syrup. Rue went to answer but her jaw was caught in between Jules fingers. Her eyes went wide when she turned to look at her blonde best friend. She feared the rightful anger she would see from Jules for being so dumb for the past half an hour or so. Yet, when Jules turned her face to look at her she did the very opposite. Jules pushed their lips together and Rue lost her train of thought. Jules was kissing her hard and heavy before pulling away she moaned into Rues mouth with delight, "mmmm."
Rue felt her gums salivate as Jules went back to texting their friends. In her ear she heard Makenna calling her name. "Shit, sorry Kenna. Um so...." Rue stalled. Jules had straightened up and was tucking her head face onto Jules shoulder. Rue felt her breathing there steadily knowing Jules eyes were likely closed.
"Nothing Kenna i just, I walked around campus. I didn't...yaknow, do anything else. Failed that exam and then tried to finish that Lit book we have to finish." Jules's hand started to push her phone into Rue's lap before resting there. Rue looks at the screen confused before hearing Jules get close to her and whisper, "read."
Kat: I am your friend Jules so I'm just going to say it.
Lexi: Oh shit.
Jules: What now?
Kat: Stop dicking around with Rue.
Jules: I'm not
Lexi: 🤔.....🚶♀️🚶♀️🚶♀️
Kat: 😑🙄
Jules: whatever.
Lexi: Don't hurt her again.
Kat: Before this conversation goes down that road 🙄. I'm just saying. Look.
Rue tapped the image that was a screen shot of Makenna's instagram profile. Damn these girls were fast, also a part of her always knew that Jules never made a big deal of them. It was fun and whatever happened happened, but she swore the girl had no clue how lovesick she’s always been for the past few years.
Lexi: *a gif of katniss from hunger games*
Rue hears Kenna start to go off on a tangent about "taking time to find your true self and step 11 prayer and meditation". Rue rolls her eyes and starts reading again. Sometimes Kenna sounded like a sponsor and a bad influence at the same time.
Lexi: She is gorgeous. Maybe i need to visit again soon.
Jules: Wow. Fuck.
Kat: Fuck who? Cause she's pretty but she's no Jules Vaughn.
Lexi: True, Jules you better do something to Rue before someone else does. 😂
Kat: 😝
Jules: wow i hate both of you.
Jules had sent a picture of Rue on the phone looking annoyed and Jules rolling her eyes to the group chat.
Lexi: Why does she look so annoyed.
Kat: Omg Rue's hair got so long. She never posts on instagram or anything really to be honest ever.
Lexi: She just values privacy unlike some people.
Kat: It was one time. Jules you better distract her.
Lexi: Uh oh she's dormant.
Kat: 🙏🙏👀
Makenna is still going and the golden glow is turning into an orange and pink slowly. Rue moves to keep the sun from hitting her eyes. She leans her head to side slipping on Jules shades that are in her lap. Jules is silent, Rue wonders if she fell asleep because that flight is seriously no joke. She mumbles uh huh to keep Makenna going just so she can keep reading. She can feel the little beads of sweat on her brow and prays her neck isn't doing the same.
Jules: I missed her.
Kat: Ew.
Lexi: Awwww #RULES
Jules: Sorry kissed her. #REXI
Kat: Yeow i see you but why are you still texting us.
Lexi: ❤
Jules: Kenna.
Rue feels a warmth slide up the side of her neck and goosebumps follow. It happens again slower this time, and her heart is beating almost as fast as last week. Last week when she had a panic attack in the shower but this feels so much better. It's like fear and adrenaline mixed together. She leans a bit to give Jules more room and feels her tongue drag up and down once more before kissing the lobe of her ear.
Jules rasps, "Salty keep reading," before going back to kissing Jules neck lightly. All Rue can do is nod and scrolls back to the convo in her hand.
Lexi: Damn
Kat: Do something?
Lexi: ^^^^^
Jules: I am but i bet you 5 bucks i can get her to text you back before i do.
Lexi: A gamble that i know you are going to win, I'm good.
Kat: We don't know that, she could chicken out again.
Rue finally hears Kenna chuckle and respond back to the original conversation. Rue sighed relief audibly, " Figures you weren't listening." Makenna says while yawning, "What else did you do? Wait did you eat. Caf in 10."
Rue sighs again this time loudly as Jules is sucking and kissing on her pulse point. Gripping one phone to her ear and one in her lap she feels her breath hitch in her throat. Jules has her head tipped to the side and she can feel the tenderness of freshly bruised skin every time she moves her mouth. Rue groans into her phone when Jules sinks her teeth into the spot near her shoulder.
"Fuck," she moans quietly.
"Uh, Rue," Makenna sounds creeped out/turned on, and Rue is aware that she just moaned a bit too sexually into the ear of her NA buddy.
Jules bites down again dragging her tongue across the spot when she's finished. "Juless," Rue whimpers hoping that Jules will shut her up with a kiss or something.
"Omg Rue are you masturbating while i called...and to Jules? Ew your gross." Makenna is half laughing and half yelling into the phone.
"Shit no Kenna. Fuck, she's here she suprised me and." Rue gets cut off by Jules lips and the light tug of her own tongue by Jules's teeth. She can't help but whimper at the loss of heat.
"I am hanging up now, enjoyyyy that." Makenna whines byeeee and the call ends. Rue is trying to comprehend what had just happened but Jules is already standing and brushing the grass off of her dress. She's pulling her hair up into a ponytail while Rue gazes at her in awe.
"You gonna answer that text message," Jules asks nonchalantly as if she didn't just tease the hell out of Rue. Rue's brain is screaming sex and shes about to say fuck campus policy but, being reminded of the looming conversation she stands up. While shoving her book into her bag she pockets her own phone and finishes reading the convo on Jules's.
Kat: Lexi she's been gone for a while. Thats not just my imagination.
Cassie: Wait, what did I miss?
Lexi: You are going to lose 5 bucks, i hope you have some nudes saved for selling. Cass call me I'll fill you in.
Kat: Ha shut up.
Lexi: Maybe the cat's got her tongue. 😉
Kat: Hopefully.
Rue grins at the last message and starts walking with Jules towards the direction of her dorm building. She feels Jules fingers aimlessly find hers while she looks around as they walk. Her chest feels warm and she bites her lip looking over at her unsuspecting best friend. She responds back the group chat before pocketing the glitter galaxy encased phone.
Jules: Don't worry it's about to be 😻 - Rue
Kat: Ohhhh shit
Lexi: *dead*
Cassie: um, what.