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It's a rare moment of peace and Alec has decided to take a walk. Well, ‘peace’ might be a wrong word to use since Valentine and Jonathan are still out there and the bridges built between the Downworld and the Shadowhunters are weak and frayed at best, but Alec needs this moment out of the Institute, out of the environment that screams war and helplessness. It’s been two weeks since the secret about the soul sword got out, two weeks since Magnus walked away.
Alec takes in a deep breath and tries not to think about it, which is useless because that seems to be the only thing he’s capable of thinking about lately. How his secrecy had destroyed the best thing he had going on for himself.
He can’t help but wonder how different things would be if they were fighting on the same side. If he’d been honest with Magnus, would they still have the Downworld on their side? Alec is pretty sure they would at least have Magnus.
Alec feels like his old self, a soldier who pushes his emotions out of the way to focus on duty. It’s not as easy as it used to be, now that he knows that there’s an alternative.
Lost in his thoughts, Alec doesn’t even realise that his feet have carried him to Brooklyn. It’s late and he’s on a more remote part of it and there’s no one in sight. He’s just about to turn around when he feels a hand on his shoulder and a sharp pain in his neck.
He pulls out his blade, ready to defend himself, but his fingers feel numb and the weapon clatters to the ground. He’s pushed to a wall of the nearby building, his cheek colliding with the rough brick. There’s a weight on his back, pinning him to a place.
“You want to see what happens to liars?” A male voice says and the person pulls Alec away from the wall only to slam him against it again. “You have a funny concept of transparency Lightwood.”
“I tried -” Alec starts but he’s cut off when the man pulls him away from the wall and throws him on the ground. Alec can’t see clearly, but there are three vaguely human-shaped blurs hovering above him. One of them kicks him on the side. Alec tries to curl into himself but the next kick is aimed at his back, the one following that hitting the back of his head.
Alec groans in pain, tasting blood in his mouth.
“Good luck trying to find your way back to your people,” one of the blurs says, a female voice this time. “It would truly be a shame if someone were to find you while you’re in such a vulnerable state.”
Alec tries to struggle as he feels hands on his body, patting down his clothes until they reach into his jacket pocket. He knows what’s in that pocket. His phone and his stele.
“You had no intention to help us, it’s your turn to feel helpless,” the male voice from earlier says. “I know your kind is a fan of taking trophies whenever they kill one of ours, I feel like this stele will look good on my shelf.”
The people leave, but not before kicking him on the side one more time. One of them steps over Alec’s forearm, stomping so hard the bone gives way underneath it.
Alec howls in pain. He struggles to catch his breath, to focus on the situation rather than the pain. He needs to get up, needs to get to safety. He can’t stay here. Who knows who will find him. Demons? Another group of angry Downworlders? A mundane?
Finding support from the wall next to him, Alec hauls himself into a sitting position. The world around him turns and twists and the pain is making it hard to concentrate. He wants to close his eyes and rest, but there is enough clarity in his mind that he knows that he shouldn’t. Knows that there’s a high chance he wouldn’t open them anymore.
Clenching his jaw tight, Alec stands up on his unsteady feet and starts his slow walk to safety.
Magnus sits down to his armchair with a drink in his hand. It’s been a long day, another one in a line of several long days. He’s grateful for the peace. Having all the warlocks of Brooklyn under his roof had been fun for a while, but as the situation lasted and lasted it was better to find an alternative hiding place for those who didn’t trust their own wards enough.
He’s able to enjoy the peace for roughly a minute before the big loft around him starts feeling lonely and quiet. It’s clearly empty, no sign of company anywhere to be seen.
No mission reports on the table, no bow next to the door. The only jacket draped over the couch is the one Magnus had been wearing earlier. Magnus curses himself for the feelings he still feels.
The distance hasn’t helped, he still finds himself wishing that Alec would walk in from the front door and make everything alright again. But then Magnus remembers the humiliation and betrayal he’d felt when they parted, and he gets angry. Angry at Alec and angry at himself, for not guarding his heart better.
He really should have learned by now.
There’s a knock on the door that brings Magnus out of his thoughts. It didn’t sound like a proper knock though, more like a thump, so he feels for his wards and finds out that the person behind the door is a friend and not a threat. But Magnus is not expecting anyone.
He welcomes the distraction though and gets up. He sets his glass on the table and walks towards the door. When he opens the door, he’s faced with a sight that makes him feel a myriad of emotions at once.
The person behind the door is Alexander. The sight of the man makes Magnus want to close the door to his face because he doesn’t have the mental capacity for this right now. But something’s wrong. Alec looks beaten, his breaths frantic and his clothes dirty. He’s leaning against the wall next to the door, cradling his left arm to his chest. He’s shaking, his clothes look damp, and there’s blood running down the side of his face as well as from the cut on his lip.
“Alexander?” Magnus asks, not an ounce of the anger he felt earlier in his voice. All of that is pushed aside by the wave of worry that’s threatening to drown Magnus.
“…didn’t know where else to go…” Alec says, his words slurring down a little. He’s looking at Magnus but his eyes can’t seem to be able to focus. He coughs, and there are splatters of blood on the wall next to his head.
Magnus is still frozen in shock, but as he sees Alec’s eyes slipping shut and his legs giving in, his arms are there to catch him. Alec goes completely limp in his arms and Magnus reacts immediately. He snaps his fingers to close the door behind Alec and creates a portal, bringing it towards them so it can suck them in. They appear in the bedroom, right next to the bed where Magnus lays Alec down.
He rolls his sleeves and gets to work, scanning Alec’s body with magic to get a clear idea of his injuries. He’s badly beaten, with broken ribs and internal bleeding. His left arm is bruised and broken, and there’s a tranquilizer strong enough to knock out a horse running in his system. It’s not working as strongly as it should now when it’s mixed with angelic blood, but it’s still a small miracle Alec made it this far before falling unconscious.
Magnus doesn’t waste any more time and gets to work, healing the most painful injuries first even though he’s not sure if Alexander can even feel the pain at the moment. There’s a question in his mind brought on by a familiar protectiveness he wishes he didn’t still feel so strongly.
“Who hurt you?”
When Alec wakes up, all he wants to do is go back to sleep. The bed underneath him is soft and the sheets silky against his sore body. He reaches his arm to the side and furrows his brow as he finds the bed next to him empty. That makes him wake up more and he remembers that he shouldn’t even be in this bed.
His heart starts to race and he slowly opens his eyes.
He’s in Magnus’ bedroom, and the room looks exactly the same as it did two weeks ago. Alec doesn’t know why he expected it to have changed. His eyes settle on Magnus who’s sitting on an armchair next to the bed. The first thing Alec realises is that he looks tired, and the second is that it doesn’t make him look any less beautiful.
A strong wave of regret fills his stomach and Alec has to swallow hard before he can speak.
“What happened?”
Because Alec has no idea how he got here. He tries to think hard and the last thing he remembers is that he was taking a walk. Everything after that is unclear.
“You showed up at my door a few hours ago bleeding and drugged,” Magnus says. His tone is impassive and Alec hates it. “I didn’t get much out of you before you passed out.”
Alec knows that there isn’t really anything he could have done differently, but he still feels guilty for showing up in here - for inconveniencing Magnus.
“I’m sorry,” Alec says quietly.
Magnus doesn’t respond. He stands up from the chair and turns his back to Alec. Alec realises that the reason for his fatigue and heavy movements is probably magic depletion and he must have exhausted himself while he was healing Alec.
“I know I have no right to be here,” Alec starts and stands up. He’s still feeling sore and he dreads to think about how bad he had been before Magnus healed him. He’s wearing different clothes than he was when he left the Institute earlier that evening - a soft t-shirt and faded sweatpants. It evokes a feeling he can’t explain - and that he has no room for in this moment - to see that Magnus hasn’t gotten rid of everything Alec left at the loft when they broke up. “I’ll go. Thank you for healing me, you can send the bill to the Institute.”
Alec hates how his own voice sounds, professional and distant. It isn't the voice he usually uses with Magnus, but he feels like he’s not allowed to use that tone anymore. He lost the right when he lied to Magnus.
“Money?” Magnus asks, turning around so fast Alec takes a step back. He looks angry, the glamour long gone from his eyes. “You think I care about money?!”
Alec doesn’t know what to say, stunned from the sudden outburst.
“You almost died, Alexander.” Magnus says and his tone is still harsh. “And you’re treating this like business.”
“How should I treat it then?” Alec asks, his own tone challenging. He doesn’t want to argue, not after Magnus had apparently saved his life, but he can’t just stand there and take everything Magnus is saying.
“Isn’t that what we are?” Alec continues when Magnus doesn’t say anything. “Isn’t that what you’d expect from anyone? Money for the services provided?”
“This is different,” Magnus says, his tone still angry.
“You are right,” Alec says. “We are on different sides, you probably wouldn’t offer your services to an enemy. I’m sorry you had to save me.”
Alec tries to walk past Magnus and leave the loft because this feels awful. It was torture when they weren’t talking, but arguing with Magnus feels a lot worse. He only manages a few steps before Magnus reaches out and takes a hold of his bicep.
“Don’t walk away from me,” Magnus says, his teeth clenched.
Alec laughs. The sound sounds hysterical to his own ears.
“You’re one to talk,” he says as he turns to look at him again. “You walked away from me first.”
The words sting and Alec can see that Magnus reacts to them as well. He just can’t make sense of what the reaction means. When did he stop being able to read Magnus?
“You lied to me,” Magnus says, his hand dropping down and his words no longer angry. The tone he’s using now is cold, laced with the pain of betrayal that still feels fresh.
“I made a mistake,” Alec says quietly, shame filling him. He feels tired, both physically and mentally. “Look, why are we arguing? What is this going to accomplish? Let me leave and I won’t bother you anymore.”
“I don’t want you to feel like you can’t come to me when you need help,” Magnus says, his voice now tired as well. “You could have died if you didn’t come here tonight, and if there is a next time, I don’t want you to try to find help somewhere else, when I’m close by.”
“You shouldn’t need to worry about me anymore,” Alec says quietly.
“I know,” Magnus says weakly. “And I’ve tried to stop. But not a day goes by when I don’t think about you. I can’t hate you. I hate what you did, I truly despise being lied to - but I can’t make my heart hate you.”
“I can’t stop thinking about you either,” Alec admits. “I really am sorry I didn’t tell you about the soul sword. If there were a way to go back in time and change it I would. I thought I was doing what was right, but nothing good has come out of it. I miss you and I can’t stand being on different sides.”
“You said it yourself once, after our differences almost drove us apart at the beginning,” Magnus says quietly. “Relationships take effort. I stand by what I said, I’m ready to put in that effort, if you are too.”
“Yes,” Alec says immediately. “I promise to learn from my mistakes, if you promise to stay when things get difficult.”
“I think I can promise that,” Magnus says, and his lips lift up in a small smile. Alec can’t help but smile back, the first real smile in two weeks. It’s a smile of relief and hope, and Alec can’t quite believe he gets to feel those emotions again.
“Stay for the rest of the night?” Magnus asks. “I couldn’t find your phone so I sent a fire message to Izzy explaining the situation. She knows you’re here.”
Alec nods, walking back to the familiar bed.
It will take a while before they sleep like they used to, limbs tangled together and breath warming skin, but this is a start. A new day will come and they will talk more, trust will be rebuilt and shame will fade. They will build their relationship back to what it was, and they will do it while fighting for the world that is theirs
Not the Downworld or the world of Nephilim, but the Shadow World, a world of individuals who are used to fighting each other when they would be stronger if they fought together. That is not a short distance goal though, and will only be reached with small steps in the right direction.
For now, sleeping in the same bed and being on the same page is enough.