Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It was late. The sun was beginning to fall asleep behind the horizon and Jun wasn’t sure he’d arrive in time before closing. As he approached the familiar shop, he wrung his hands together until the knuckles rawed from pressure. His heart sank into his stomach as he witnessed the owner outside of her shop, flipping the “open” side to its counterpart outside the main entrance.

Jun’s timid side nearly made him flee the scene without a word of plea to the owner. He would have, too, if the woman hadn’t spotted him from her peripheral.

“Ah, Kurosu! Sweetheart, were you looking for something? I was just closing up, but you can come right in, dear.”

The owner was a wonderfully—maybe a bit overly so—kind hearted older woman who, thanks to Jun’s consistent patronage, adored offering him discounts for his favorite packets. This may have spurred a slight overcrowding of household plants in Jun’s apartment, but it didn’t matter much. Nobody came home to see the mess save for Jun himself anyway.

With a slight bow of his head and a quiet, “Thank you very much, Ma’am,” Jun entered the shop slowly behind the woman. The smell of dirt and earth whisked away any reservations he’d had about inconveniencing the owner and instead placed a still feeling of calmness over his being. Jun paused in his stead to simply close his eyes and take in the emotion; it wasn’t often he felt it. It was peaceful, as if time itself had paused just for the occupants of the quiet, cornerside shop. The soft buzzing of lamps filled his ears along with a cool breeze flowing past his skin from the fan above.

This was the second place where Jun felt truly at peace.

“I see you’re as aloof as ever,” the shop owner commented, rousing Jun from his daze.

Startled, Jun blinked a few times and stammered a quick apology, to which the woman laughed and waved him off.

“What brings you here so late?” she asked, resting an elbow on the counter and quirking her brow. “Don’t tell me it’s something for that boyfriend of yours?”

Jun offered an apologetic smile and gently nodded. He clasped his hands close to him, not quite managing to look the woman in the eyes. His voice was quiet as he explained, “I ran out on him last night...I really want to apologize,” he paused and looked over at the rows of flowers and rubbed the back of his neck. A weary smile graced his face. “It’s just that, even though I know I can be articulate...When I think of confronting him, I feel afraid…”

He took a soft breath. “If I can say it with the presence of flowers to secure my emotions, I’m certain it will be okay.” A blossoming, kind smile finally reached Jun’s eyes as he wandered over to the assortment of flowers. He did this quickly as both an excuse to not face the woman when she responded to his embarrassing story, and simply because it was late, and he didn’t want to trouble Tatsuya anymore than he already had.

“I see…” The owner’s voice sounded pensive, as if she was struggling to choose the correct phrasing. Jun, meanwhile, kept his back to her as he carefully thought through each flower’s respective meaning, and wondered which would be best to give for an apology.

Finally, the woman spoke carefully, “You’ve always been the kind of person to find some grand apologetics even when a simple ‘sorry’ would suffice. You put a lot on your shoulders, don’t ya?”

That made Jun chuckle. Not genuinely, but breathlessly, like the brutally honest confirmation choked him up to the point of silence. “I...suppose you’re right,” he said eventually.

Looking at flowers always calmed Jun. Maybe it was a coping mechanism developed as a child and never quite forgotten, but no matter its roots, there was no harm in keeping it around. He didn’t think the infodumping bothering Tatsuya, and he tried to keep it at a minimum with the others, at least. He’s memorized the symbolism behind most flowers, and kept them close to his heart. In his spare time, between battles, meeting new people, he liked to assign flowers to their name. Not only did it blanket his anxieties, but it also helped him understand others in a way he otherwise wouldn’t be able to, and to him, that was something valuable.

It was probably one of the reasons he was able to overcome meeting new people in the beginning...If not for that, who knows where he’d be now.

Finally, Jun began choosing the flowers that would be just right for his boyfriend. He needed to say sorry. Let’s see… His mind immediately travelled toward roses. Not red, but pink… Gratitude. The perfect flower to describe his feelings for Tatsuya.

What else?

Pink Carnations. I’ll never forget you.
Lily of the Valley. Reconciliation. Forgive me.
Orchids. Regret. Never again.

With silence thick in the air and an awkwardness spreading over both Jun’s sorrowful mood and the shopkeeper’s inability to do much at all for the man, Jun checked out. He refused the “on the house” offer, paid in full, and made his way back to the streets. The moon was already out. He hoped dearly that Tatsuya wouldn’t already be fast asleep, and clutched the bouquet he’d picked himself close to his chest.

Just as he’d stepped foot onto the chilly streets, the shopkeep offered him a word of good-luck, and asked him to flip the sign on his way out. He smiled, thanked her, and did just that.

Jun steeled himself with a deep breath as he stood outside Tatsuya’s apartment. He was probably already asleep. Should he leave? He felt his hands trembling as he feared facing the man he ran out on once again. It was not only embarrassing, but...It reminded Jun of the before times. The times he played a role separate from his reality. The times he held such a deep disdain for Tatsuya and the others, and not because he was feeling that way again, but because...he ran.

He’s always run away. Never facing reality, never…

Never admitting his own mistakes. It made him sick. It reminded him of his —

The door opened, and Jun’s breath caught fresh in his throat. He blinked twice, eyes wide in surprise and in an anxiety that became all-too real, too quickly. Before Jun could stammer out a question, Tatsuya stepped forward and hugged him tightly.

Tatsuya said nothing, holding true to his quiet nature, even now. He said it all with the way his arms stretched across Jun’s back, pulled him into a warm, tight hug, and didn’t let go. Jun, not thinking of anything but last night, I ran out on you, I hurt you, trembled in Tatsuya’s embrace.

“Tatsuya?” Jun breathed, pulling away just enough to look into the man’s eyes. Much to Jun’s surprise, Tatsuya’s held tears as he stared down at Jun. This rendered Jun completely silent, if only for the surprise that enveloped him. Tatsuya gently wrapped his hand around Jun’s wrist and pulled him into the cozy, dimly lit apartment, away from the chilly night-time air.

Inside, Tatsuya sat Jun down on the couch and welcomed him to nestle in beside him. Jun set the flowers down on the coffee table and briefly apologized for them having been squished in their hug. It was quiet for a moment, until finally, Tatsuya carefully wrapped his arms around his counterpart and held him tight. It was warm, Jun thought. Nice, comforting. Like a blanket welcoming you home after a long, tiring day.

Jun knew he had to speak up. If not, they’d sit in silence, the events of the previous night weighing heavily on the both of them. It took Jun a while, first mulling over his words, chewing them in his mind before finally deciding to just say them clearly.

“I was...scared. I thought... I thought you would hate me if you saw me like that. So I ran...I didn’t want you to watch me break down, see me cry...I just...Mother would say to grin and bear it. S-So that’s what I always try to do! And— and I just— When I couldn’t, I didn’t know what to do, and so I—”

A kiss cut Jun’s sentence short, and his eyes widened, before softening and slowly closing. Tatsuya carefully guided his hand against Jun’s jaw, coaxing Jun closer, closer, please. Jun obliged without a thought, much to Tatsuya’s liking, and arched his back just slightly, enough to push his chest against Tatsuya’s. Jun felt the gentle rising and falling of his chest like rolling ocean waves and for once, in that moment, he felt secure. His shoulders lulled back into a relaxation he hadn’t felt since the very last time he was in Tatsuya’s embrace.

It seemed the specific encounter was the cure to his anxieties, even if only briefly.

Finally, after what seemed to both Jun and Tatsuya like an eternity of breathlessness and soft lips against lips in a space just for the two of them, they parted. Jun breathed heavily, hiding it well behind the hand he pressed curiously against his own plush bottom lip. Tatsuya bothered not with hiding his intense stare, loving more than anything, but serious nonetheless. When Jun stared into his lover’s auburn eyes, he noticed, as he had in the past, a thoughtfulness behind them; something Tatsuya was most likely mulling over in his mind, debating whether or not he had the gall to speak it into the still air around them.

A silence ensued. Jun’s breathing calmed, and gently, cautiously, he pressed his body against Tatsuya, falling into a serenity against his chest. He understood many things about Tatsuya, one of them being the time it took for the man to say what he needed to say. Jun wouldn’t rush him, nor would he worry himself over the words Tatsuya was trying to piece together. He would simply shut his eyes and wait. Patiently, as always…

His grief over the previous night was ever-present, but diminished in this moment; the kiss had calmed Jun well, and like a sunflower after dusk, he waited for the sun to return.

It was only when Jun had nearly fallen asleep in Tatsuya’s lap that the other spoke up, first by gently brushing his hand through Jun’s hair, calling his attention. Jun’s eyes sparkled, basking in the light of Tatsuya’s kind smile, and with an air of curiosity, Jun nodded for Tatsuya to speak his piece.

His voice was a deep honey that Jun could listen to for hours, if only the man was as outspoken as he. Jun listened attentively when Tatsuya spoke, still brushing his hands through Jun’s silky hair.

“I was afraid,” Tatsuya began, very slowly, as if still not completely sure of the exact wording he wished to choose. He continued, “last night, I mean. I thought that your tears might be my fault. You were shaking so badly I was afraid if I’d touched you in that moment you’d just...break. So I didn’t. I wasn’t angry with you, I didn’t want you to leave, either.” Tatsuya looked down and paused briefly enough for Jun’s eyes to wet and his hands to wring together around Tatsuya’s waist. He said nothing, if only because it seemed to him that Tatsuya was not yet done saying what he wished to say.

Surely enough, he continued. “Jun.” He said the name so softly, with such a gentle kindness that brought to mind a fragile, glass vase, being held ever-so calmly and carefully by Tatsuya that nobody in their right mind would be concerned for its safety.

Jun met Tatsuya’s gaze and soon they were both locked into a stare that could speak a million and one words; nobody needed to say anything more. They both knew that, and yet, Tatsuya leaned forward and cupped Jun’s cheeks in his hands, smiling softly.

“I love you,” he said. “I will always love you.”

Jun blinked the tears out of his eyes and smiled, even chuckling out of sheer embarrassment. He averted his eyes, then brought them back, his smile shining through them clear as day. Tatsuya pulled Jun close and rubbed his back as Jun sniffled against his chest. If he was going to cry again, he’d do it where he felt the safest. Right here, in Tatsuya’s arms.

“Oh!” Jun said, wiping his eyes and sitting up. He put his hands on Tatsuya’s chest and looked to the crushed flowers on the coffee table. He sighed and lowered his head. “The flowers I bought for you...they got crushed.”

Tatsuya stifled a laugh and patted Jun’s head before slipping away from his boyfriend’s grasp. He gave Jun a look, like one second, and walked off into the kitchen. He returned shortly after with a lovely glass vase, Jun remembered Tatsuya saying it was a gift from his mother, and carefully straightened the flower’s stems before loading them into their new home.

Tatsuya sat once again next to Jun, and wrapped an arm around him as they both looked at their new in-home companions. Jun tried to stop his laughter, but once he began giggling, it was over. He laughed more than he had in quite some time, and as stubborn as Tatsuya was, he couldn’t help himself from laughing along with him.

“They look so sad,” Jun said between breaths of laughter. He shook his head, burying his face into Tatsuya’s side as his body shook with a rhythmic giggling.

Tatsuya, a bit calmer, chuckled and nodded in agreement. “That, they are.”

When Jun looked back up, tears of laughter in his eyes and a silly smile on his face, he linked his hands behind Tatsuya’s neck and watched him laugh. “You know,” he said softly, feeling light both in emotion and in tone, “They’re kind of like us.” He leaned on Tatsuya and gazed tiredly and contently at the flowers on the table, some missing their petals, others bent over halfway.

Jun’s eyes zeroed in on two particular orchids in the bouquet, one blue and one red, that had fallen over each other.

“They’re pretty roughed up, but... they’ll live.”

Tatsuya kissed Jun’s forehead and held him closely. Jun shut his eyes with a smile, and snuggled up to Tatsuya.

“They’re survivors, too.”