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She shouldn’t have been surprised.
John was an asshole. He’d always been an asshole, but God help her, she loved him anyway.
It wasn’t like she’d walked into their relationship with her eyes closed. She'd known all about John’s reputation, hell she’d seen him with enough beautiful women on his arm to know that he had a type, and it most certainly wasn’t her.
She was pretty in a soft, girl next door kind of way. She didn’t have money, she wasn’t the kind of woman that other women wanted to be. She was simple, nothing exciting, she just happened to work in the same building as him. And every morning at 7:30 on the dot, she’d step into the elevator, and he’d step in beside her. He’d flirted with her every damned day, but John flirted with everyone. It didn’t mean anything, but that hadn’t stopped Rook from blushing Every. Damned. Day.
She’d been a little surprised when she started seeing him at the little coffee shop in the lobby when she went for her morning coffee run, and even more so when he was there in the afternoon. For a busy and from what she’d heard extremely successful lawyer, he sure did have a lot of time to go and get his caffeine fix. But Rook hadn’t taken it to heart. It was a coincidence, nothing more. Maybe his PA kept getting his coffee order wrong, or maybe he just needed a break every once in a while, lord knew she did. Not once did it cross her mind that maybe he was doing it just so he could spent a few minutes talking to her.
He was handsome, and yeah, his eyes were dreamy, but John Seed was a lot of things that Rook simply wasn’t.
He was at parties every night, and Rook preferred to curl up in her bed and watch Netflix with her cat, Charlie. John lived a life of luxury, she didn’t doubt that his suit jacket cost more than her monthly rent, but it wasn’t that she felt bad about where she’d come from, just that John liked pretty and expensive things and she wasn’t really either. He had women desperate to spend one night with the ‘Legendary John Seed’, while she’d been dumped by her last boyfriend when the girl he’d been cheating on her with had fallen pregnant.
That was perfectly fine with her. Rook didn’t need a man to make her happy, and so what if she enjoyed talking to him? It was harmless. John was charming and he was nice, and as the days passed it stopped being small talk. He remembered the little things she’d mentioned - the new bakery that had popped up in town she’d wanted to visit on the weekend, or her trip home to see her little brother for his birthday
Sure enough, those few minutes in the cozy little cafe started to become the thing that Rook looked forward to most in her day. She never really considered the possibility that it might just have been the same for John too.
Then again, she didn’t see the lingering, slightly confused gaze he had for her when she wasn’t looking, like she was some kind of a puzzle he couldn’t quite figure out. She didn’t see the soft smile that quirked his lips when she stepped out of the elevator with a joking promise to see him again, ‘Same place, same time tomorrow.’
So it came as a bit of a shock when he actually asked her out on a date. Not a coffee date, but dinner a moonlit walk through the botanic gardens kind of a date.
And so began their relationship.
Dating John Seed was an experience and a half. He was exactly like she’d thought he’d be, but somehow totally different at the same time. He was cocky and confident and suave. He’d take her to the most wonderful places in town, show her off proudly, showering her with compliments that made her cheeks flush a delightful pink.
He was attentive and holy fuck he was good in bed. Rook had never cum so hard or so many times in a single night in her life! And he was affectionate, John loved touching her - holding her hand, wrapping his arms around her, his fingers trailing gently over her skin, endless kisses and soft caresses. Rarely was there a night anymore when Rook didn’t fall asleep without at least one of John’s tattooed arms slung over her waist. And John clearly didn’t seem to give a damn about the looks Gary in HR shot her every time he popped down to her floor to steal her away for what was definitely not a sneaky kiss in the supply closet.
She kept waiting for the shoe to drop, the shininess of a new relationship to wear away and for John to go back to how he was before he started dating her. It wasn’t that he didn’t seem comfortable, snuggling on her couch with Charlie watching movies, but Rook still couldn’t quite believe that he was happy there. Some part of her was still waiting for the day he woke up and realised that he wanted his old life back, that she wouldn’t be enough anymore.
It just might break her heart when it happened.
She caught him staring at her sometimes with a wide eyed reverence that knocked the breath right out of her, like he didn’t really believe she was there with him - as if she was the one so far out of his league that it wasn’t funny.
That wasn’t to say that John was perfect, not by any stretch of imagination. He had a short temper and he tended to act like a child when he didn’t get his way. He could be judgemental and downright mean when he wanted to be, though never to her, and sometimes he got just a little too into the PDA when they were out in public, but Rook wasn’t exactly a paragon of virtue in that regard either.
Rook wasn’t an idiot, she knew John’s life hadn’t been hadn’t been without trauma. Whatever had happened had left him scarred; not physically (at least, not that she could see), but psychologically. He never spoke of it, and the one time Rook had hesitantly brought it up he’d shut down and lashed out, and she’d apologised and let it be. It wasn’t her job to re-open old wounds or force him to face what he’d been through.
She understood that there was a fear there, hidden behind the steel walls he’d erected to protect himself from being hurt again, because as much as John looked at her like she hung the moon the moment she tried to have a conversation with him about feelings or their relationship, he shut her out. She hadn’t minded so much in the early days when she was 90% sure that she was his quarter life crisis or whatever, but as the months passed and she found herself falling in love with him, it became harder.
Because Rook did love him, but when she tried to tell him as much he’d brush her off with a laugh and quickly change the subject, or when that failed he’d try and find other ways to distract her, more often then not ending up between the silken sheets of his soft bed. He made her feel loved, but he could never say it, and when she spoke about their future, the possibility of them moving in together or whether or not he’d one day maybe like to have kids, he’d slip away from her, retreating behind the fake charming persona he’d crafted for himself.
She loved him, honest to god she did, but she was fighting a loosing battle, and every time she managed to break down one of those walls he’d just find some other way to push her out.
How long could she stay with someone when she didn’t know if they saw a future with her in it? Rook may not have had the boundless self confidence that she’d seen other women wear like a coat of armour, but she was worth more than just being a placeholder until something better came along.
And then her parents had decided to make a spur of the moment trip to come up and see her.
It was just lunch, nothing fancy, but when she’d brought it up for a split second he’d frozen in place, and then that infuriating smirk had spread across his face and he’d chuckled. “Oh darling. I’m not exactly a meet the parents kind of man,” he’d said as he pressed a kiss against her cheek, as if that made it all better.
Each word was like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind right out of her. Seven months in, and he ‘wasn’t the meet your parents . kind of man’.
“You’re joking, right?” she asked, fighting to keep her voice light and unaffected. “John, we’ve together for months. I just though that-”
But John just laughed again, a soft mocking sound that drove into her heart like a dagger. And yet as hurtful as the laugh had been, it paled in comparison to the words that slipped from his lips next.
“Thought what, my dear?”
In all her life, Rook had never felt so small, so stupid.
He really was an asshole when he wanted to be, Rook had just never been on the receiving end before.
For a moment she didn’t move, didn’t breathe. Was she waiting for him to stutter out an apology, to reconsider? She shouldn’t have held her breath, John wasn’t the type. His eyes, those beautiful soft pools of blue she’d so often found herself lost in, flickered across her face, the skin between his brows crinkling as they furrowed in confusion.
She should have listen when her friends had told her there was no future with a man like John Seed. He’d be a chapter in her life, she was never going to be anything more than a footnote in his.
“Rook?”
She kept her smile, though tears began to spill down her cheeks, and she even managed a laugh of her own, though hers sounded hollow and broken in comparison to his. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. This was a mistake, clearly. We’re done.” She nodded, more for her own benefit than his as she rose to her feet. Robotically she walked to the kitchen counter where she’d casually tossed her handbag on the way in.
He scoffed behind her, and she heard him stand up but she couldn’t find the energy within her to turn and face him. “So what, because I won’t go and meet your parents for lunch that’s it? You’re walking away from me? From us?”
She yanked her bag up over her shoulder, shaking off his hand when it reached for her. “There is no us, John! I love you, I have since the night you took me out to those gardens, but I can’t be in a relationship by myself. I need something from you, anything!” She strode to the door, tossing it open. Ignoring the voice in her head that told her to slam the door behind her and keep walking, Rook gave in and risked a glance over her shoulder.
He looked like a kicked puppy, standing in the middle of his gigantic living room, fiddling with one of the rings he wore on his hand as he stared at her. The hopeless romantic in her wanted him to stop her, wanted him to get down on his hands and knees and beg for her to stay, tell her that he loved her, that he wanted to be with her like she wanted to be with him. But he wouldn’t, she knew that with certainty, and Rook wasn’t about to beg.
“You know, I actually think you might love me too, but you’re too much of a damned coward to admit it.” The tears were coming faster, and her voice wobbled and her shoulders shook, but she continued, “I think you’re afraid to be happy, and you’d rather I walk away right now than have to allow yourself to be a vulnerable and risk getting hurt again.”
He didn’t say a word and with one last heart broken sigh, Rook turned and walked away, gently closing the door behind her.
That Sunday, when she’d arrived to lunch with her parents alone her mother had given her a curious look, but hadn’t said a word. A mother’s intuition was a beautiful thing, and she’d smiled when their hug had lasted for a few more seconds than it usually did.
Her dad, on the other hand, was oblivious. Halfway through his steak he’d paused and looked at her thoughtfully. “Sweetie, when are your mom and I gonna meet this man of yours? Thought he was comin’ today.” Beside him her mother’s eyes had widened in mute horror, but Rook had just shook her head.
“I’m not seeing anyone right now, dad.”
He frowned, “But I thought-” he cut himself off with a wince and a hiss, shooting his wife a bewildered glance as her eyes narrowed pointedly at him, but Rook just shrugged.
“No, it was just a fling,” she said with a tight smile.
Neither he nor her mother said another word about it, and soon enough the conversation shifted to happier subjects.
She took the next week off work, which her boss had only reluctantly allowed when she mentioned that the last time she’d taken a holiday was a year and a half ago. It wasn’t exactly her proudest moment, but Rook just couldn’t bring herself to face him. If that made her a coward, so be it. At least she had Charlie to curl up with while she sobbed and ate her body weight in ice cream.
But she couldn’t avoid him forever, and eventually Rook had to go back to work. Her heart raced and her hands felt slick as she walked towards the elevators at 7:30 sharp on Monday morning, but he wasn’t there.
She’d been tempted to get someone else to do the morning coffee run, but her boss, still pissed that she’d taken leave, had made her do it herself and get his too. She’d been so nervous waiting in line, but John never came. He didn’t show up in the afternoon either. She caught sight of his PA walking in just as she walked out, and Rook breathed a sigh of relief.
The next day, the same thing. Then the day after, and again the one after that.
If nothing else, it seemed her predictability worked in her favour, made it easier for him to avoid her too. That was fine, Rook wasn’t quite sure she was ready to see him just yet. Maybe one day she’d be able to look at him without feeling her heart breaking all over again, but she wasn’t holding her breath.
She should have known her good luck was at an end when Friday swung around and the weather outside was miserable and stormy. Rook didn’t see him in the elevator on her way in, nor at her morning coffee run. But she hadn’t been able to sneak away for her afternoon caffeine hit at 3 o’clock like she usually did, absolutely buried under her work. By the time she skidded into the cafe it was almost 4, and while the coffee rush had died down, Rook was stressed and frantic. She’d been in such a hurry to get back to her desk and blitz the last hour and a half before the weekend that she’d barely taken notice of the person exiting the elevator until it was too late. She’d slammed into them, falling back onto the floor with a cry and sending her coffee flying into the air, half of it landing on her, the other half spilling across the floor.
“Rook?”
John. Her eyes squeezed shut and she took a deep breath through clenched teeth. Of course. Of course it was him. Why wouldn’t it be him?!
“A-are you okay?”
She peeled her eyes back open to find him leaning over her, a worried frown on his face.
“Just peachy,” she retorted, awkwardly finding her way back to her feet, waving away his hands when they reached to help her.
Once she’d righted her skirt and made an attempt at smoothing out her hair Rook finally allowed herself to meet his gaze. There was a dark splotch of coffee on his navy suit jacket (God she didn’t event want to think about how much that dry cleaning bill was going to be), but Rook barely noticed. In truth, she was too busy staring at his face.
In their seven month relationship, and the few months that she’d known him beforehand, Rook had never seen John look anything less than pristine. His hair was always perfectly slicked back, his beard trimmed neat and tidy, his suit skilfully pressed and his shoes shined.
He was no different today. Aside from the coffee stain that was entirely her fault, John looked well put together, but there was something… off, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. There were bags under his eyes, and his skin looked slightly paler than usual, lacking the usual golden glow she’d been so very fond of. The longer she stared at him, the more her heart started to ache, but for the life of her she couldn’t find the willpower to pull away. He’d always had that effect on her.
And then he spoke.
“Are you okay, my dear? I apologise, I should've been watching where I was going. Did you hurt yourself?” His eyes darted to her empty coffee cup lying forlornly on the ground before returning his gaze to her with a sheepish smile. “I can get you another coffee if you’d like? I was just on my way there actually. And you should sit, you look a litt-”
Rook threw her hand in the air, cutting him off. “Just leave it John, it’s fine,” she snapped.
Without another word she strode into the elevator, staring resolutely at the ground until the doors closed. Only then did she allow her tears to fall. No one in the office, not even Gary, passed comment when she swept past them to her desk, shaking with barely repressed sobs.
She spent the next hour and a half trying unsuccessfully to loose herself in work, all the while counting down the minutes until she could go home, curl up in bed and wait for the ground to open her up and swallow her whole.
The moment the clock struck 5:30 she was out of her seat like a rocket, grabbing her bag and half running towards the elevator. But when had life ever been kind to Rook? The moment those metal doors had slid open Rook had come face to face with John for the second time today.
Someone upstairs must have really had it out for her.
Of course today was the one day that John decided to leave on time. His eyes found hers and they widened slightly, but he didn’t say a word, likely due to the other three strangers standing between them. Rationally, Rook knew she didn’t have to get that lift. She could easily have pretended to have forgotten something at her desk, but she’d already made enough of a fool of herself in front of her ex… whatever. The sooner she left, the sooner she could get home and drown her sorrows in a bottle of red wine.
With a tight grimace she stepped in, standing as far away from him as she could possibly manage, but while she kept her eyes forward, fixed on the numbered panel next to the doors, she felt his gaze on her.
It was the longest 45 seconds of her life, and the very moment the doors opened on the ground floor Rook shot out of them like a bullet. It was still pouring with rain, but she didn’t stop to pull out her umbrella. Now that John no longer drove them to work, she caught the bus, and it was only a five minute walk to the bus stop.
Distantly she heard the sound of John calling out her name, but she ignored him chasing after her, powering on through the torrential rain like it was nothing.
“Rook, will you please slow down and talk to me?! Please?”
She scoffed, pulling her coat tighter around her in a futile attempt to keep the rain from soaking her through. “Leave me alone, John. Whatever you think you need to say, you don’t. I’ve had a shitty day and I just-”
He finally caught up to her, his long fingers wrapping around her wrist and pulling her around to face him.
“God, you’re stubborn,” he muttered, shaking his head in exasperation, though the corners of his mouth twitched upwards in the faintest hint of a smirk.
Rook almost slapped him. “What?! What, John?! What can you possibly-”
His hands cupped her face and before Rook could even think to protest his lips were on hers. John kissed her desperately, fervently. He moved against her like a man possessed, as if he was driven mad by the very taste of her. His fingers wound through her curls as he deepened the kiss, moaning softly as his tongue brushed against hers.
Rook, God help her, melted against him. Rational thought flew out the window. It didn’t matter that it was freezing cold and they were both being drenched by the rain. It didn’t matter that they were in the middle of a very public street and people were gawking at them. All that mattered was John’s lips moving against hers with such ardent devotion. Her knees went weak, her head spun, but she didn’t care, so long as John didn’t stop kissing her. Her own arms crept across his waist, pulling him closer so she could sink into the warmth of his chest.
Eventually the need for air pulled them apart, but John kept her close enough that his nose brushed against hers. His hands slipped from her hair to loop around the curve of her neck. His eyes, heady and blown wide, fixed on hers.
“I love you. I love you so fucking much it terrifies me, and I was an idiot to let you walk out that door. I’m sorry. Please… please don’t walk away from me again.”
Rook swallowed. “Say it again.”
A brief flash of panic crossed his eyes, but he didn’t hesitate before blurting out another apology. “I’m so sorry, Rook. Whatever it takes, however long it takes, I’ll make this right, I promise. Just please come back to me.”
She shook her head, the slightest hint of a smile creeping across her face. “No, the other part. Tell me again.”
John’s eyes lit up and he grinned in relief. “I love you.”
Rook cocked her head with a playful expression. “One more time?”
He chuckled, brushing his lips lightly against hers. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
The rest of the world faded away as Rook once more lost herself in John’s kiss.