Chapter Text
Justin couldn’t breathe.
Clay looked at him for only a moment longer before gazing back down at the floor, at the needle and syringe and baggie of pills just in front of the boy’s knees. His faint sniffles were the only sounds in the room as he began to rub with his palm the tears from his eyes.
“I can explain,” Justin tried to say, but there was barely any air in his lungs.
An awful sound escaped Clay, almost like a laugh. “Really, Justin,” he uttered, shaking his head, “what is there to explain?”
Justin managed a step towards the boy. “I, I was weaning myself off—”
Clay shot up from the floor in terrifying speed, making Justin cringe. “You fucking lied to me!” Jensen hissed. He covered his eyes with his palms again before balling his hands into fists around his temples. “I told you not to bring this shit into the house again and you…” When Clay trailed off, he let out a frustrated groan. Then he snarled, “How could you?”
It was still hard to breathe, and Justin’s vision began to blur as he tried to blink the tears from his eyes. “I’m—so sorry,” he cried, “I’m so fucking sorry, Clay. Please—”
“How long?” Clay interrupted, sniffling as he rubbed away more tears from his cheeks.
Swallowing, Justin replied, “The day I got out. Hannah’s wake.”
The boy contorted his face once more, shutting his eyes and pressing his hands to his temples again. “Oh my fucking god,” Clay sighed. “So you were fucking clean for a month?”
Justin felt his chin trembling. “Yes.”
“And the day you got out,” Clay went on, trying to keep his voice low, “you fucking score? How?” Jensen started to pace. “My mom went and got you straight from there—how the hell?”
Justin clutched his arm, trying to still himself. “I got it—while I was still inside.” As tears started to fall down his cheeks, he sniffled, trying desperately to keep from sobbing.
Clay paced for a moment longer before stopping in front of Justin. “Where?” the boy demanded. “Where are you sticking the needle?”
Curling his toes, Justin hung his head, and rubbed his eyes as a teardrop hit the floor. “Between my toes,” he uttered.
“When did you last use?” Clay pressed.
Justin swallowed, keeping his gaze towards the floor. “Yesterday,” he whispered. “Morning.”
“Jesus Christ,” the boy hissed. “You mean—when I was in the fucking shower?”
A sob escaped Justin, and he could no longer stem the tears. “Yes,” he croaked.
When Clay fell silent, Justin looked up to see Jensen with his back turned towards him, his face buried in his hands. Justin wanted nothing more at that moment than to close the gap between them, to fall to his knees—to beg for his boyfriend’s forgiveness—but when he reached for Clay, the boy spun away from him, and Justin felt like he’d been stabbed.
“Don’t—fucking touch me, Justin,” Clay warned. “I’m—I’m so fucking angry at you right now, I can’t…”
“Clay, please,” Justin begged, not bothering to wipe away the tears any longer, “let me explain.”
The boy merely shook his head and started for the door. Justin leapt before him to cut him off, and held up his hands to try to calm him.
Clay shut his eyes and inhaled a deep breath. “Justin. Get out of my fucking way.”
“Where are you going?” Justin pleaded.
Jensen opened his eyes. His glare was worse than the lack of eye contact, and it pierced Justin like a cold knife.
“Get out of my way.”
When Clay tried to step around him, Justin grabbed Clay’s hand. Although the boy tried to shake him off, Justin didn’t let go, and he let himself fall to his knees.
“No!” Justin cried out, his chest beginning to convulse. “Please—please, Clay,” he sobbed, “don’t tell your parents. I love you—please don’t send me away! I’ll do anything—I’ll do anything! Please, Clay…”
When Clay finally freed his hand, Justin gazed back up at him. His boyfriend’s expression seemed to soften—but only just.
“I’m,” the boy began, “I need a fucking shower.” He looked towards the door. “Don’t, don’t do anything.”
Jensen opened the door, stepped out of the room, and shut the door behind him. Justin let the sobs overtake him, and he curled into a ball before the door as he cried into the floor.