Work Text:
Namjoon listened to the words of the song play loud through his headphones, pain rising in his chest as he thought back to the words from earlier that day.
‘Namjoon-ah... we need to talk about something...’
His eyes started to water and the song almost seemed to get louder as everything came back in a heart wrenching loop.
‘Things just... aren't working out anymore.’
Yoongi hadn't been wrong when he said that, it was true. Young wouldn't say goodbye anymore before going to work, he wouldn't stay the entire night after they slept together. They talked less, didn't seem to laugh as much as they had. The friends with benefits thing was supposed to make things easier, not worse.
‘You know I care about you, this was just a bad idea. Being friends was just easier.’
Namjoon knew he had gotten too caught up in it all. It was just an end of agreements, there was no reason for him to feel the bubbling of sobs in his throat while staring at a blank computer screen. It wasn't a big deal, they had an agreement that if one of them felt uncomfortable at any point then it would end, no hard feelings afterwards. But this hurt, more than he cared to admit.
‘I have a date later this week anyways. Ha, yeah, with Jiminie. Yeah, I didn't really expect it either, but he asked me and I uh... I said yes.’
The first tears rolled down Namjoon's cheeks, burning hot with the sadness that flowed through him. His breathing started to get heavier and heavier until he was choking on every exhale, small gasps for air coming from his lips. He could still feel Yoongi's lips against his own if he concentrated hard enough, could still feel his hands cupping his cheeks. He could even almost feel phantom thumbs wiping the tears away, but this only caused more to spill over.
‘I think I like him, Joon-ah. A lot.’
The first loud sob broke out, destroying the silence in the room. Namjoon's headphones fell off, the song he had been listening too now softly accompanying his cries. He wasn't mad at Yoongi, he could never be mad at him. He understood why Yoongi had fallen for Jimin. He was sweet, beautiful, kind, funny, smart. Everything Namjoon wasn't. He understood, but it still tore him apart inside.
‘Do you think you could help me get ready? I-I've never done this sort of thing, you know that better than anybody. I really don't want to mess this up...’
Why did he have to be so stupid? Falling in love with your best friend, a rookie mistake. Anybody could tell you that. Then sleeping with your best friend whenever he needed comfort, that was even worse. But the dumbest part of all, Namjoon had really thought he stood a chance. He really thought that he could mean something more to Yoongi, be more than just somebody to hold.
‘Can you believe he likes me too?’
Namjoon faintly heard knocking at his door but ignored it. Maybe it was just the mailman, doesn't matter anyways. Namjoon got up from his desk chair and crawled onto the nearby couch, curling in on himself while he cried. His sobs were quieter, but stronger than before. He didn't know when somebody came into the room, arms wrapping around his shaking body while he let out months and months of sadness that he had kept locked away.
Namjoon was tall, broad, a giant compared to Yoongi which was something he enjoyed. He loved being big enough to hold onto the person he cared for the most and be that safe place, even if only for a little while. But right now, he felt small. He felt so, so small. He could feel himself being pulled into somebody's chest, his face falling into their shoulder. Namjoon shook in the other person's hold, just letting it all out.
"Namjoonie hyung..." he heard faintly. Jungkook was there. Jungkook was holding him. Namjoon cried harder, his hands gripping onto the youngers shirt tightly. "It's okay, it's all okay. D-Do I need to get Yoongi hyung-"
"N-No please-please no." Namjoon choked out and shook his head quickly. He could feel Jungkook nod and rub his back gently. "H-He can't know." the soft whisper was barely audible, but he knew Jungkook heard him.
‘Thank you, Joon-ah. I don't know what I'd do without you.’
"I won't tell anybody." Jungkook whispered softly and pulled him closer. "I'm here, it's okay"