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"Were you going to do it?"
Clarke looked up to meet his stormy gaze.
"Bellamy, what are you talking about?"
"If Madi didn’t come through when she did, were you going to do it?"
She paled slightly, realising what he probably meant.
"I’m still not sure what you’re referring to..." she trailed off, hoping she'd gotten it wrong. He huffed and walked away, so he was now standing closer to the window as if to look out at the night sky but she could see in the reflection that he closed his eyes. His chest rose and fell rapidly and she watched as he moved to run his fingers through the jet black curls.
"Come on Clarke, don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about," Bellamy said quietly, still facing away. She froze when the memories from the spaceship and the accompanying sadness came rushing back making her skin erupt in goosebumps. It never dawned on her to share with Bellamy how she desperately pleaded for her daughter to come back to her. Mentioning the cold metal of the gun pressed against her temple by her own hand, just didn’t have a habit of coming up, especially now when most of the conversations were centred around the anomaly and figuring out what had happened to Octavia.
Clarke gasped when she felt his hardened fingers lifting up her chin so she was forced to look up at him, not having heard him move from across the room.
"Don’t make it me say it," he whispered with a hardened gaze. She watched as he clenched his jaw as he waited for her to answer. Suddenly his brown eyes were too much. She felt anger rise from the pit of her stomach and she moved her arm push his fingers away. She managed to get him to drop her chin, but his hand wrapped around her smaller one. She tried to take it out of his grip but he only tightened his fingers more. His other hand caught her free hand so now both her hands were enveloped in his, serving as a barrier between their bodies.
"Let me go, Bellamy," Clarke muttered. She needed to get out of the room, away from this conversation.
"First answer my question. I need to know."
"You need to know?" she asked, her voice rising.
He frowned as if the answer couldn't be more obvious.
"What difference does it make now, Bellamy?" Clarke continued, still trying to shake off his hands.
"How can you even ask me that, Clarke?" he asked incredulously.
"It doesn’t matter."
"Of course it matters!" he bellowed, dropping her hands. "I need to know that I didn't almost lose the person I l-" he abruptly stopped and took a deep breath. "I thought I lost you twice already. I can’t do it again."
"You have Echo. You have your family. I lost my mum that day and faced losing Madi’ Clarke spoke, trying to keep herself from sobbing. "I would have been alone -" Bellamy opened his mouth to interrupt, but she carried on "-and I kept thinking that pulling that trigger would make the pain go away."
Tears were now streaming down her face.
"I don’t want to be alone anymore Bellamy," she muttered whilst looking at his worn shirt, her voice sounding weak and hollow. She moved her hand to wipe off the moisture but his calloused fingers were faster. She closed her eyes at the sudden warmth of his skin on her face and he gingerly carried on moving his thumbs up and down her cheeks. The simple touch continued until she was ready to look at him. His face was so close to hers that she could count his freckles.
"I don’t recall saying that I was leaving you for even a moment, princess,"
Clarke sighed. Bellamy wasn’t going to make this easy. His fingers moved to her neck, massaging soothing circles across her pulse points.
"You didn’t need to,"
‘Clarke, you’re my person. My best friend.’ She swallowed. His eyes looked softly down at hers. "You’re not alone, okay?"
She nodded her head and gave him a weak smile.
"You were wrong earlier, by the way," Bellamy said.
"Yeah?"
"Echo and I broke up."
"Oh." She wasn’t expecting that. "I’m sorry. What happened?" Her brow furrowed as she tried to remember if Bellamy and Echo seemed off around each other recently.
"We had a chat, which honestly we probably should have had some time ago now. We realised we’re not what the other needs," Bellamy said looking deeply into her eyes.
She realised then his fingers were still resting around her neck and the air around them suddenly felt like it was sizzling with electricity.
She looked down to his lips against her better judgement, trying to fight the urge to trace the small scar that nestled on top of them.
"Clarke-" he started, his voice low. She moved her gaze to meet his eyes. Two beats passed before he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He slowly opened them again.
"You’re one of the most important people in my life. Please remember that."
Bellamy moved his hands down her arms, taking one hand into his and dropping the other one.
"I will." Clarke finally answered as he started to pull her towards the door.
"Good, because I don’t think I can even think about losing another person that I love witho-"
Clarke froze at the words.
"-ut completely.." Bellamy cut off mid sentence when he realised Clarke stopped in her tracks.
"Clarke?’ He turned to look back at her. She was looking at him with wide eyes. He frowned, recalling what he was saying to her. He paled at the realisation of what his tired brain just let slip out.
"Oh fuck, I meant -" He started, trying to think how to do this,
"No, no, don’t worry, I know what you were trying to say. You love me like you loved Monty and Harper. How you love Raven and Murphy and -" Clarke supplied, desperately needing to get outside.
"Clarke."
"I didn’t mean to suddenly stop and pull you back like that. I know your leg-’ She tried to get the conversation to go in a different direction.
"Clarke."
"-is still recovering, I wasn’t thinking, I-"
"Clarke! Will you just hear me out?’ Before she could say anything, he pulled her in close by the hand he was holding. Her hands landed on top of his chest for balance.
"I certainly don’t love you in the same way that I love Murphy."
"If you’re saying that you’re in love with Murphy-" Clarke tried again.
"My god, Clarke," he said exasperated. He let go of her hand to bring her head closer and he surged forward, his lips colliding with hers. Bellamy felt her respond to him after a second. After what seemed like an eternity to both of them, they let go gasping for air.
"I love you Clarke."
Clarke smiled, her eyes glistening with tears before roughly bringing his head back down to meet hers. Later, she lowered her head to the crook of his neck, breathing him in.
After a long while, she whispered. "I love you more, Bellamy."
He stilled and then she felt him smirk against her hair. "I don't think that's possible."