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food makes taehyung happy, jimin knows, can't seem to get over seeing taehyung happy even after all this time. the yellow light on top of the dinner table makes his cheeks seem rounder, fuller, like the bread jimin tried to make taehyung all those years ago. sixth grade summer vacation in taehyung's kitchen, none of them knowing how to use yeast but trying anyway. the end result being a large over-cooked hardened dough, they ate together and having a stomach ache at 2 in the morning.
6 people at the dinner table and jimin is only looking at taehyung. he's been good, healthy, fresh graduate from seoul, soon to join daegu agro forum. he seems taller, broader, the two weeks he spent driving the rice harvester on the field gives him a tan glow. makes him look a little older in all the good ways. the brown hair complimenting his skin in ways jimin can't describe. and he can tell his heart doing tumbles. that's the only feeling he gets when taehyung gets near, or sees him, looks at him, touches him.
he's eagerly chewing on tteokbokki, mrs kim attending the guests, occasionally checking on them or ruffling his hair at times. the top of taehyung's head is a little messy, soft strands sticking out. jimin wants to touch. when taehyung gets to eat the things he likes, his lips do a full pout, jimin knows, all those little itty bitty bits of taehyung locked inside his head for years. has been like that for a long time.
jimin had kissed that pout multiple times too. under banyan trees, away from prying eyes, just them on humid summers, flying kites in the air and they have kissed. on the river banks, catching small fishes in the mud, under the sunrise, bits of mud on cheeks; he's kissed those lips. he's kissed taehyung under full moons, kissed taehyung on graduation day. he's kissed him goodbye when he left for the city. some of those kisses hurt, some of those kisses were loved, he's happy he got to kiss the person he's loved since he was five years old.
these days, it's more, it's unbearable. the way he jumped into jimin's arms when he visited home, the way he called almost every night. the way he messaged him about meeting stray puppies on campus. the way he talked about the pieces he was drawing, the way he sent him music. the way it was from, 'jimin wish you could try this cake, i'll take you one day', 'jimin i miss you', 'jiminie, i got you a present' 'jimin, i can’t sleep' to 'went out with friends, sorry i missed your call', ‘got class in an hour talk to you later’, ‘met this guy he won’t shut up about crabs’ to trendy abbreviated words and screened messages for months.
sometimes taehyung's messages hurt. sometimes they hurt in good ways, sometimes jimin bleeds and texts, 'hey tell me about the guy you met the other day' and it stings a lot. but it’s worth so much when three days later he gets a text back. it’s worth more than opening chat threads every night and falling asleep. they stopped kissing when taehyung left anyway. but when the reply comes 'not seeing him anymore' 'he's not you' 'made me feel lonely', it quietly stings in all the right places, burnt ambers over his skin, waiting. jimin wants to run away.
it's been a couple of years. he's here. tall and tan and gorgeous, soft brown head full of hair, tees too big on him, lanky and limby, skin made of honey and eyes full of love, stuffing his mouth full of bibimbap and heart beating barely a meter away from jimin. and his unreasonable heart keeps trickling and prickling.
they finish up dinner, taehyung's father having a meeting with the agro forum’s guys in the living room. their muted chatter filters through the dining into the kitchen. their siblings are huddled in front of the tv taking turns at playing mario. jungkook was supposed to join them for dinner but he's running late, his family has been a huge help to the kim's in taehyung's absence. nice kid, grew up with them in the same village. now he runs the family grocery shop just outside the town. he takes the trains and it takes him a while to reach home.
it's just taehyung and jimin in the kitchen. taehyung's mom pleaded jimin about five times that he didn't have to do the dishes. coupled with a five times intense glare at taehyung to help jimin. taehyung had only grinned.
jimin loves doing this, sticking close, doing stuff, feeling taehyung close enough that it almost feels like he never left.
mrs kim leaves them alone after a while. jimin can hear taehyung padding closer to him. warm summer night, katydids and crickets keep relentlessly chorusing in the backyard. the front has vast acres of fields owned by the kims. jimin's family’s land was integrated with the kim’s in the 70’s, part of a rural reformation. this resulted in the parks having their family residence moving closer to them too.
taehyung's awfully close. jimin can feel the heat radiated on his back, the shallow light puffs of breath on the skin of his neck, goosebumps rising and diminishing.
"tae.."
"yeah?" he almost breathes into jimin's hair. jimin is starting to get tingles.
"it's warm," comes jimin's reply, “ do you have to stand that close?” tone immensely tender.
"it’s warm, isn't it?" taehyung laughs. he laughs that half giggle, half laugh, that rises from deep within his chest, a gentle rumble. always a favorite tone to jimin.
"you could help me with the dishes," jimin tries to focus on anything else.
"hmm, i could." taehyung comes even closer, wrapping his arms around jimin's waist. "i could also watch you do the dishes."
jimin tries to elbow him in the chest. taehyung laughs but caches jimin's arms. "you'll get the suds everywhere."
they stand like that. for a while, jimin's back to taehyung's chest, arms caught in bigger lankier arms, embraced close close. the kitchen isn't lit well, the light straining through the dining provides enough but also not enough. a gentle veil over the intimacy they're sharing. but not dark enough to hide away the longing.
"you've been avoiding me," taehyung whispers, "why?"
jimin starts to feel once again how tall taehyung really is, or how well he fits right into his chest. or how it used to be all those years ago. his mind reeling and trying to subdue thoughts away. "i haven't been avoiding you," "you've just been busy with your dad."
"yeah?" taehyung says unmindfully, fingers slowly trailing jimin's arms, feather light touches over the goosebumps, it's too good.
"if you'd called me once, i’d have left everything behind."
jimin's heart starts pounding. in the soft darkness of the ambience, he fears quietly, if they are loud enough for taehyung to hear it, find out all the secrets jimin's heart tucks away, hear all the dreams he's had almost every night and how they were all about brown eyes and long lashes.
"it's the harvest season, i couldn't just borrow you like that. your dad needs all the help he can get," jimin tries to reason, his voice shakes a little.
"is that really why?" taehyung asks slowly right on top of his ear. there’s a concealed sentiment somewhere in his voice. jimin wants to pin it down. he washes his hands, he needs to not let his heart crackle like it has for the past years.
"yes," he's arranging the dishes on the side of the sink for taehyung's mom to put away later.
"jimin, could you turn around and look at me? please?"
jimin's heart spikes up. he turns around slowly, still in taehyung's arm, tilting his head upwards. big warm eyes stare down at him, he's so close, so close; jimin sees the barely there freckles, the colors on his skin, the small brown spot on the side of his nose, the long hovering lashes over the cheeks, the soft hair falling over his gentle gaze, the uneven eyes and it's beautiful. it takes him a second to realize that he's said it out loud. taehyung laughs.
"thanks, you're not so bad yourself."
jimin's face feels flaming hot, the tips of his ears burning. shit. brain to mouth coordination falling all over the place cause kim taehyung batted his eyelashes.
"you know you could have said that earlier, instead of forlornly staring at me over the dinner table," taehyung pulls him in a little closer.
he’s close, his body warm against taehyung, heart teetering out of ribcage. jimin wants to fucking bolt. he's trying weakly to wiggle out of taehyung's arms and it's not working in his favor being a head smaller than him.
"okay, okay I'm sorry. I'm sorry. please don't- leave," taehyung hugs him close to his chest. jimin's head nestled under his head. he can feel taehyung's heart beats too, drumming away like a hummingbird. he looks up surprised, and taehyung smiles, bashful, head hanging lower, "yeah."
"you were eating like a five year old, it was fun to watch." jimin says, voice just above a whisper. he's feeling strangely giddy underneath all that erratic heartbeats and sleepless nights. maybe a little bit of relief. he doesn't know why.
"so, I'm fun to be around?" taehyung asks, a smile to his sound. he lifts his arm and tucks away a stray hair behind jimin's ear. jimin feels warm all over. "and I'm 'beautiful', as you put it?", he's smiling and jimin looks away. "and your heart beats faster when I'm close?" he softly says into jimin's temple. jimin exhales, tingles rising in his back. "really jimin? after all this time?" longing obvious in his voice.
something snaps in jimin. he frees one hand, grabs taehyung's lapels and yanks him even closer. close enough to count all the long eyelashes, close enough he can feel taehyung's breath on his skin. "this is not a game- you think this is a game? you can't waltz in whenever you like- in my life and- and- say all this shit and make me feel- make me feel-", 'make me fall in love with you again', he gets choked up. his chest burning feeling betrayed. the warm brown eyes peering down at him are sad.
"make you feel what, jiminie?"
ah, there it is, the pet name, the way he calls like jimin has never been called before, the yearning in his tone, the comforting rub of his finger in the low of his back, the sad flakes of hues in the ways his eyes are brown and deep and they see through all of jimin. jimin can't escape.
the two weeks taehyung’s been home, it’s been a denying deceptive dance for jimin to tiptoe around him. going around the house to avoid meeting him in hallways, asking jungkook if he’s seen taehyung in the fields, dodging eye contacts, ignoring two or three good morning texts. it’s fine, he’s handling it, has been for years. won’t let himself admit it, ever.
he lets go of taehyung's lapels, "i have to go", jimin tries, heart on his sleeve.
on some last desperate resolution left in taehyung, jimin can feel himself being pulled tighter. taehyung lifts one hand, one finger under jimin's chin, turns him around and presses his lips on jimin's. a quiet touch, a request, a plea, it’s gentle enough so he can walk away, it’s fond enough for him to not ever.
it's like how floodgates work. months after months of buildup of unsaid things, like 'i love you' and 'i miss you' and 'why did you leave me alone' and 'i want to hold you' and ‘want you to want me’ break open and they rush in, they rush in unstoppable. the hardened soil under the rain, stuck like glue between their chest. the aching amplified tenfold and jimin can't stop kissing him.
he has his arms looped around taehyung's neck, pressed so close, so close and the kisses don't stop. one after the other, the corners of jimin's mouth, the curve of his upper lip, the swollen plush of their entirety.
it's in how taehyung grips jimin's waist with both his hands as if he were to let go once, jimin would slip away. like the way sometimes his hands reach just slightly downwards grabbing a fistful of jimin and pulling him in even close. it's warm. taehyung is warm and his lips are soft, wet, the breaths on jimin's cheeks burn like coal. jimin loses himself.
he can feel taehyung taking his upper lip in his mouth and gently sucking on it. it makes jimin's head spin. the occasional quiet 'ah's slipping and dispersing in the air. the nagging worry in the corner of his mind that their families are right on the opposite side of the wall. but taehyung's mouth feels too good on his skin and jimin can't care. it feels like he should but he can't.
a particular rough squeeze on his ass and he lets out a gasp. taehyung takes the opportunity to lick the underside of his upper lip. not pushing in, hovering over the seam of his mouth, asking, imploring so gently for permission. jimin feels like he's on fire. it's when his tongue reaches out to meet taehyung's, taehyung pushes in and it's so good. so hot. feels right and feels wrong at all the edges. taehyung's tongue sliding slowly slowly against jimin's taking it's time, licking away the little worries jimin had. licking and sucking away the dark shards of insecurities he had. he explores and asks for permission and explores some more. he licks around the roof of jimin's mouth, his teeth, lips so gentle. but when he wraps his tongue around jimin's, he sucks so rough jimin can't help let out soft sounds. taehyung kisses him fervently like he wants to eat up all the sounds jimin makes, the more noises he makes the more taehyung will wreck him.
jimin knows but can't stop it, can't stop his hips from grinding slowly onto taehyung. he feels dizzy from taehyung's mouth, his breath and the way his hand occasionally kneads at hiim. for the shy little, barely there motions jimin's hip makes, taehyung just grabs his ass and pulls him in that rougher.
A loud noise of muted laughter seeps in from the living room, and jimin pries his lips away from taehyung. he's breathless, "tae- we-". as soon he lets go, the ache in his chest start hurting again. feels like it's churning and making a hollow. he wants to lean and kiss him again. taehyung makes him feel he will never be empty again. has always made him feel that way.
taehyung's huffing. seeming equally breathless and disheveled. his hair looks like a mess from the way jimin has run his fingers through the long brown locks. lips looking like they've been kissed silly, angry red and wet, shining. jimin realizes there's a thin line of saliva connecting their upper lips still. he can't hear anything over the ringing of his ears.
"you kiss me like you love me," taehyung says, breathless, in awe. "you kiss me like you still- love me."
jimin feels like his face is melting inside a flaming furnace. “god, you’re so stupid,” he can hear his own voice breaking.
"jiminie-", taehyung whispers and they're kissing again. jimin leaning in first. the kiss quickly regains the lost fervour and the daring hands. taehyung's hands skimming up and down jimin's back, sometimes slightly dipping inside his waistband, sometimes they venture under his shirt for a second and leave an aflamed trail on jimin's back, his stomach. jimin's hands roam around taehyung's chest, his hair, his broad back, counting the years he spent not seeing him. the way he's big and handsome and grown up now, in jimin's arms, sucking on his bottom lip like it's the last time he's ever gonna kiss him.
taehyung's mouth leaves open hot kisses on jimin's cheek, licking a little on the skin, soft brush of lips on his eyelids, his forehead, the peppering little bits of kisses all over his face and jimin feels like he can get high off the scent of taehyung. his heat, his touches, the long pretty fingers roaming under his shirt and squeezing him just right. if he buries his nose in the peach fuzz, just underneath where taehyung’s hair meets his neck, he can smell the scent of jasmine and roses. if he reaches down and noses along the broad lines of taehyung's neck, he can smell the cologne taehyung put on this evening and he feels all sorts of tightness in his stomach. the defiling kind of feelings leave him out of air.
taehyung seems to notice. he's trailing kisses upwards to jimin jaw and he reaches his ear. "like what I'm wearing?" a low rumble of words in jimin's ear and his breath hitches. taehyung pokes the shell of his ear with his tongue and blows on them. "bought it for you, wanted to put it on you, but you won't come near me," he drags his tongue lightly down jimin's ear and hums.
"ahn- tae-" jimin clutches on taehyung's shirt. heart pounding so hard it ‘s almost painful.
"shh jiminie, wouldn't want anyone walking in, right?" jimin can hear the mischief in his voice. he wants to smack him on the head but the way his knees are wobbly and the way his hips feel so good against taehyung's he can't concentrate on anything.
"besides," taehyung continues, kissing right beneath jimin's ear, at the side of his neck, "you already smell like me anyway."
jimin tries to turn his head to look at him and spit something back at the teasing but taehyung latches underneath his ear and starts slowly sucking. whatever jimin's thoughts were, they die down his throat and only a loud gasp comes out. he can feel taehyung’s smile on his skin, can feel the faintest grazing of teeth, his tongue lulling all the red spots his teeth leave. it hurts just the tiniest bit but it feels so good, has jimin reclining his neck, a subtle plead for taehyung to continue without him knowing. his hips speeding up just the slightest against taehyung's and he can feel taehyung pressing back.
taehyung lets go of the spot. licking and kissing one last time to soothe the soreness and look back at jimin. jimin barely has his eyes open. he can feel his vision get hooded red hot blazes dancing underneath his eyelids. like there's not enough air in the room that can fill his lungs and the heavings burn so good. his fringe sticking to his forehead, some of them hanging low, half on his tantalizing gaze, cheeks burning hot, skin flaring and tingling in all the places taehyung has touched him. hips still pressed together. a silent prayer escapes his mouth without permission, "tae-"
something happens. something in taehyung's demeanor changes, the mischievous curve of his lips, the shy glance ebbing away from his pupils. in their place, a hunger looming slowly. his mouth parts a little and his breaths come out erratic. the flares in his eyes get more intense with second and jimin loses himself in them.
taehyung reaches down, grabs the underside of one of jimin's thighs and hooks his leg over his own waist. the force of it has both of them crashing into the kitchen counter yet it doesn’t hurt. jimin can feel taehyung's other arm cushioning his back from the tiled wall.
it dawns on jimin how intimate this position is. he registers in his haze that they're both hard against each other, the way his leg is hooked over taehyung's waist, there's nothing to hide, desire honest and bare, only layers of clothes denying them. taehyung's hand reaches down from his back, dipping into his curve, reaching lower lower till his long fingers effortlessly slip inside, brush gently over jimin’s rim. they’re clothes apart, vulnerable, laid open for each other to play with, the unbridled want to rip apart, to take is clawing under the skin. yet they wait, tap dancing around a gentleness that looks a lot like love.
"hngh, tae- you're-," jimin is panting.
taehyung doesn't reply. instead he leans down and softly bites down on the tender skin at the underside of jimin's jaw. wet kisses and soft hums of contentment. he slowly reaches his way down to jimin's adam's apple and grazes his teeth around it. his hips start circulating against jimin's. they're in this impossibly intimate position that jimin can feel every slide, every press intensely so. the hardness pressing against him sets his stomach on fire. the way taehyung relentlessly reels him in if their bodies get inches away from one another's.
taehyung's hips don't stop and jimin has to pull on his hair for him to look at him, "ahn- tae- tae- not here, can't do this here."
taehyung stops. from the way jimin has his hair pulled back, he struggles a little to look down at him. "fuck that feels good, mm- and yeah- yeah we gotta go."
he grabs jimin's hands and pulls him out of the corner. in a delicious daze of ragged breaths and red and blue hues of want, jimin can't tell where they're going. somewhere in his mind the looming worry lurks that anyone can see them. with very obvious tents in their pants, taehyung's hair sticking out in all directions, the fleshy tone of his cheeks, the way they can't breathe. the tell tale ways of all open yearnings are floating on his face. jimin wonders if he too looks the same.
taehyung pulls jimin out on the porch. the humid night air permeating through their already damp skin, feels like a cool breeze against the burn. the mild chants of crickets, cricketing in the dark. midsummer night and petrichor in the air. a dim bulb hangs from the roof, swaying a little with the wind. taehyung still has jimin's hands in his own, large fingers delicately holding small ones.
"sorry, we need to go- a little far," taehyung sounds apologetic and gentle. in all the nice ways he sounds. in all the lamblike ways he pulls jimin towards him. he gets down from the porch and heads towards darkness. it takes a while for their eyes to adjust, but soon the moon outside illuminates the lines and the aisles of the field. the bulb on the porch getting smaller and smaller.
"tae, there are dried rice shoots in the field." jimin says, hesitant, still a little breathless. taehyung stops.
"yeah? but we're not having sex in the field jiminie," taehyung says, tone temptigly teasing. jimin can tell he's trying to hold back a laugh. he goes to yank tae close so he can ram his knee into taehyung's waist. but years of growing up together has taehyung curve all of jimin into his memory. he turns around before jimin's knee can reach his waist and grabs it with one arm, the other arm wraps around jimin's waist and oh- he can feel the eagerness still between their legs. pressed so close to taehyung, jimin heaves a little.
"does that upset you, jimin? hmm?" taehyung whispers, low timbre and burning charcoals. the soft brown orbs in the low moonlight seem dark now. so eerily jet black it feels dizzyingly alluring. under the long fringes and beneath the long eyelashes. jimin's stomach tumbles in good good ways.
"why would i be upset," he breathes out, taehyung’s mouth inching closer to his neck column again. his head falls to the side, anticipating taehyung's lips.
"oh i don't know- thought you wanted me to fuck you like a caveman in our own field," taehyung murmurs, lips ghosting over jimin's skin, tone infuriatigly playful.
jimin registers in the deep red fog of this fever dream that if it were any other time, if they were not drunk off of each other, if he still didn't love taehyung, he would be lovingly whacking taehyung on the head. not unlike the countless times they have said filthier things to each other, sometimes under the blankets in mid winter, half asleep and half meaning it. playing together in deep wild clumps of tall bamboo culms, in the long days, lonesome fields and fully meant it. not looking into each other's eyes.
"tae- i will walk away i swear-"
taehyung looks up at and he grins that big, boxy, hopeful smile, that special one jimin has tucked away in the smallest corner of his heart.
"you would do that to me?"
taehyung. stupid taehyung. tugs somewhere deep and secluded. suddenly it feels painfully good to have him this close, this open again. all for jimin to see and unwrap. to see if he smiles like this after, to see if he can wake up to this for the rest of his life.
"no. i wouldn't", jimin concedes, leaning in, lifting one hand to gently card through the strands at the back of tae's head and pull him in for another kiss.
it's surprisingly tender, given the position they're in. but taehyung kisses back like it's the last time he's ever gonna kiss him, the way he pulls and grabs and lifts jimin's shirt to softly caress at the skin. the way his fingers rubs circles over jimin's waistband and jimin wants them deep beneath. he's red, taehyung's red, their lips red. the feelings stained at their heart; it's all red.
jimin grabs taehyung's hand under his shirt and tugs it up up his rib. in all the places he wants taehyung to touch and explore. taehyung is daring, without a shred of hesitation and he leaves his warm burning touches and faintest marks of nails, all over jimin's skin. reaches his nipples and touches them the way jimin had imagined them being touched. in the most bluntly genuine yet shamefully darkest of his dreams.
jimin can't stop the sounds, the tiniest bits escaping into taehyung's mouth and taehyung swallowing them every time he sucks on jimin's tongue. they can't help grinding into one another. the flip flops in their feet, slowly catching on mud, the soft earth beneath not providing much footing.
it's jimin who separates them. he says, "c'mon," grabs taehyung's hands and leads them away. a few steps to the south of the field, there are haystacks, about 8 feet long, stable yet soft, standing proud at the side of the aisle. he pushes taehyung into one of the stacks. the earthy smells of drying hays all around them. a few of the straws hasn't dried all the way and feels moist on jimin's skin.
"sorry," he says, kissing taehyung. "is it too wet?" nosing along taehyung's jaw.
"that's not the kind of wetness you should be thinking about jiminie," taehyung laughs. he sounds near panting, from the way jimin is grazing his teeth all over his neck. jimin feels proud.
taehyung reaches behind jimin, grabs his ass and pulls him impossibly close. they both let out loud gasps at how good it feels. the clothes feel like confinements, skin scorching, each little touches making way for more. from the way taehyung sucks jimin's upper lips into his mouth, from the way jimin pulls on taehyung's hair, the way they both can't stay quiet.
"you know- you know- " taehyung pants. jimin drags his lips beneath taehyung's ear and sucks at the soft skin there. grabs his waist to his and grinds harder into taehyung.
"ahn- jimin- you know- the color of your lips are- peach- they are- remind of ripe peaches", taehyung barely manages out.
the damning delicious drawl of hotness, the low curling want thrumming in their veins, everything slows down for a second. jimin slows his hips down and tugs on taehyung's hair. taehyung looks down at him and he has sunk a little into the soft hay, hair mussed and filled with hay straws, the soft darkness around melting into the lovely curve of his big nose, looking stupidly fond and a little like in love. jimin feels like he's going to combust.
"touch me," he says, barely a whisper, barely audible from the way the breeze blows ruffling the dried rice stems in the field. the windy wisp of leaves and weeds unveiling jimin's desperate want.
"touch you where?" taehyung asks, lips on jimin.
"anywhere you like," jimin can't wait.
taehyung drags his hand down over jimin's waistband and his fingers tug it lower, a tease, just a little. jimin knows he's asking for permission.
"it's okay tae, it's- okay, just- please, please-"
taehyung reaches down and finally wraps his hand around jimin's cock. jimin feels like he's going to unravel right there, has to bite down on taehyung's collar to not scream.
"tae- tae- tae- hngh- fuck-", he's out of breath, vision almost blurry, arms clinging to taehyung's chest.
taehyung fists jimin's length in his hand and slowly starts sliding up and down. the motion tight and careful yet slow and sensual, jimin's head spins a little. his other arm wrapped around jimin's hip and he's pulling him in close close.
taehyung's hands are warm and big and they feel good moving on jimin's length. jimin vaguely feels like his lips are bleeding a little, he can't tell if it's from biting on them too hard to muffle his moans, or from kissing taehyung silly.
he can feel the slow build up of tension in his lower abdomen and is almost embarrassed at how quickly it's all flooding into him. he takes taehyung's wrist as a sign to slow down a little. taehyung stops almost immediately.
"what's wrong? did i do- are you okay?" worry etched into taehyung's voice.
"no- no- sorry, i was- getting too worked up," jimin can feel his face burning.
"yeah?" taehyung smiles. "but you and i, we just began jiminie".
somehow the way taehyung says the sentence, jimin feels like them beginning isn't about a sneaky midnight wank on the field. like it's not about forgetting in the morning, acting like what happens in the dark isn't true in daylight, pretending they're picture perfect friends and nothing more. like the beginning doesn’t end after two good morning texts and screened calls. somehow them beginning stretches on, like taehyung isn't gonna let him go. not after tonight, not after a long time, like 'begin' lasts for long long days and vaster than the acres of lands around them.
"kiss me then," jimin pleads.
taehyung pulls him tighter and they both sink into the hays more, not caring about how their shirts are almost wet with the humidity and sweat.
they kiss like that. tangled together, hands into intimate places, voices hushed but singing the same song. the night breeze carries their secret debauchery far into the wind, tales of wants and feelings. swollen lips and matted sentiments, heat on tip of the fingers and searing touches. it's too aching.
taehyung's pace has sped up. matching jimin's hips, the rhythm of his breath. it's amazing in the ways he knows how to move his wrist in the exact ways jimin wants, knows the choreography of their dance to the heart, knows how much pressure to put, the way to slide and flick just the way jimin likes it. like he's been dancing this dance since the beginning where they began. knows how to pull out the shameful inching pleasure bubbling just beneath jimin's taut skin.
jimin's breaths are a mix of taehyung's names and desperate attempts to quieten his voice. it's unimaginably good in the way he wants taehyung to keep going, to run away from debauched admission of how good this feels, to reach high and hold it forever, to soar high with taehyung's tongue in his mouth, his name on his lips, hands between legs.
"you know-" taehyung pants, "what if someone came looking for us," he huffs, voice teasing, "someone walking on me making a mess out of the park's son- heh-" he smiles, breathless.
"god, you had to- fuck- ah- bring that up now?" jimin huffs.
"why? is that doing it for you, jiminie?", taehyung smirks, looking fucked out yet so beautiful, relentless hands on jimin. "thinking about how filthy this is?" he leans down to whisper in jimin's ear, slowly, "oh no, beautiful jiminie getting messed up behind his own house-"
jimin shushes him with a kiss. "god- you're an idiot." it's so good they're both over the edge. only frantic broken moans of each other's names and the grinding yet taehyung laughs a full laugh. all teeth, no hesitation, brilliant and beautiful and red cheeks. that tiny pinching mirth playing in his warm gaze, hidden under mellowed dark of the night.
he leans down, kisses jimin slow and hungry. his other arm lets go of jimin's waist and goes under jimin's waistband. he pulls the underwear down more so his hands have more room to move. jimin has two warm hands on his cock now and they're speeding up, he can feel the night air cooling on his warmth and it's all too much. his vision is getting hazy with pleasure, veins on the sides of his head thrumming, delicious pleasure in his abdomen and it keeps building and building and building and then- everything comes crashing down. the throbbing of want tapering gradually, leaving relief and a calming pleasure in its path.
it takes a while for him to look up and see taehyung's face. his eyes all over jimin, drinking him in like this is the last time he'll ever get to have him this close. foggy pleasure ridden lucid mind and riding down after the high, suddenly jimin feels a tug at his chest like if he doesn't kiss taehyung now, he will slip away. like he has to seal this memory, make it his forever. so he does. grabs his head and pulls him into an open mouthed kiss. breathing into each other, tasting salt and iron, and sealing, tucking, collecting the pieces of heart back into the ribcage. taehyung tastes the same, salt and soft wet lips, hot breaths, warm tongue searching and marking and reeling in jimin. he feels content.
"you know," he begins. taking out taehyung's hands and looking down at them, "sneaking you away from family and friends and fucking you silly in the field- not too far from home, but so close that you if you moan a little loud, they're gonna come find you-" taehyung's hands are dirty, sticky, soiled. it's not visible in the darkness but jimin knows, taehyung's biting down hard on his lips, eyes on jimin, almost keening and uncomfortable in his pants, squirming for a little contact, a little touch. "fucking you like that? no one to know? but all mine to see?" he takes off his shirt. "has been on my mind for a long fucking time, tae," he takes taehyung's hand and wipes them down with the shirt.
"fuck, jiminie- please please- i- please-" taehyung sounds close to sobbing. he's grabbing jimin's bare waist with his hands, trying to bring them closer for a little friction. jimin kisses him, sucks on taehyung's bottom lip, pulls it between his teeth to hear taehyung moan. "tell me what you want- will do anything you want- c'mon,'' his words loose and unabashed after the high.
"wanna- god- ah- wanna fuck your mouth," taehyung pants. jimin smirks a little, "i don't know, just had a big dinner." he pulls up his soiled underwear and pants and is already on his knees. taehyung can't see him well in the dark now so he only has to take what jimin offers him. taehyung snorts, "fuck- don't make me laugh, 'm going soft."
jimin throws his shirt on the ground unzips, pulls down taehyung's underwear and pants mid thigh in one go. he can hear taehyung sucking gulps of air. he takes taehyung in his hand and curses aloud "shit, you're big." taehyung laughs, "is that really news to you uh- fuck- jimin-" he doesn't have the chance to talk, jimin's warm mouth is swallowing him in. jimin struggles a bit to wrap his mouth whole around taehyung. this is the first time he's ever had someone in his mouth and mostly he's going by instinct. but the way taehyung is pulling on his hair and desperately trying not to buck into jimin's mouth tell jimin that his inexperience doesn't matter much.
he sucks and swirls on the tip slowly. taking his time, precum coating the insides of his mouth. taehyung can't stop his hips but jimin can tell he's trying his best not to push his cock down his throat. he takes a breath and takes a little more of taehyung's length. the tip not reaching the back of his throat but reaching close enough. he tries to bob his head a little, taehyung is keening above him, fists grabbing the locks on his head too hard and it hurts a little. too big dick in his mouth, hands pulling his hair. but jimin feels good.
because taehyung cries out like jimin’s the best he’s ever had. jimin wonders how many others have had him like this, open and writhing in their hands. it shouldn’t hurt after years but it sticks to him like an old wound. this is the most intimate he's ever had taehyung, when the sun rises this would fade away, the pretending might return, the over friendly slaps, the courteous denial, the longing stares, the stagnant back and forth, all might come back to prick and poke at his heart. so if this is the last he will ever have taehyung, he wants him good and fucked out, defiled, all because of him. wants him open, raw and honest, wants his sincere words, even if it’s just for tonight.
taehyung is loudly keening, "jimin- jiminie- ah- i'm close i'm so close wait-". jimin pulls off of him completely, "do you really want someone to come looking for us?" the couple of seconds he's off him, taehyung is fumbling at the side of his head, trying to push back into the warmth again. "god- so needy," jimin mutters. he takes taehyung back in his mouth, keeps sucking him like that for a while. then he goes in a little deeper, swirls his tongue one last time around taehyung, goes back to sucking on his tip again and pushes his tongue into his slit. that has taehyung going over the edge, pulling out of jimin's mouth, practically shoving his head out of the way. jimin can tell he's already spilling all over, his hands not catching all of his release.
taehyung's legs give out, he kneels and hunches down on the soil. one hand supporting him, the other still sticky on his dick. jimin picks his dirtied shirt off the ground to clean up taehyung's hands again. taehyung seems to have calmed down a little, he looks up at jimin, says too softly, "sorry, I'm really sorry jiminie."
jimin gently takes taehyung's hand again, wiping it down, "what for?". taehyung sounds soft and broken, "for- shoving your head away- i- didn't wanna- fuck- i didn't wanna come all over your face," jimin stops. "i mean- without your permission, i mean- we just went with this- partly because i wanted it and-". jimin laughs a little. he's mostly done cleaning up taehyung's hands so he gives the shirt to taehyung, to clean himself.
"did it occur to you- that i kind of- wanted you to come all over my face? i mean- i could move away anytime i wanted," jimin asks, his head to the side looking away from taehyung, fumbling, trying to clean himself. as soon as jimin says it, taehyung stops. jimin can tell he’s earnestly looking at him so he turns his head.
"fuck- i love you," comes out as a whisper. like he didn't want jimin knowing, still it came out of him anyway. like he filled a tub all these years and it came spilling down like a flash flood. jimin is stunned, but his heart squeezing and plummeting away. he looks back at the swaying blob of blurry light on their porch. it sways like a pendulum, like keeping track of the drops of love jimin's heart bleeds away. the night wind quietly quietly blows the hair away from his forehead, drops of sweat cooling and calming. taehyung's breath mingling in the breeze, all around, if he reaches he can touch taehyung, his taehyung, in front of him.
"shit- jimin- i mean- i do- i-", taehyung tries to crawl to him. jimin stands up then, offers a hand to taehyung, "c'mon, it's late. any later than this someone’s gonna come out in the field." he pulls taehyung up, fixes and gently smooths down his clothes. does his best to pat down his hair. picks out all the straws sticking in there, lovingly, softly, like taking care of a doll.
does his best in enveloping darkness, sharp pangs in chest, thankful that taehyung can't see his expression. he takes the shirt from his hand, holds his hand with the other. tugs him gently back to the porch. they walk on the aisles that lead to the house, two silhouette under the moonlight, hand in hand. jimin pushes down everything he's feeling and focuses on the weight of taehyung's hand in his. entangles their fingers, feeling like ten years old again, walking the long isles on field after sunset to find their way back home, hand in taehyung's. hand he's been holding for 20 years and more.
they reach the porch. he can feel taehyung staring back at him, pleading for a chance to talk. he can feel his figure fidgeting from the corner of his eye. he puts his shirt in the trash bag. the muffled laughter and chatter of both their families over pouring out of nooks and crannies in the door. he feels strangely calm. like he's fought a losing war for years and only tonight the admission of defeat has come through. it feels liberating somehow. he turns on his heel and walks up to taehyung. grabs his neck pulls him down for a kiss. out in the open, under sober electric light, visible from a mile away, meters away from eyes and ears, fearlessly, unabashedly. kisses him the way he's always wanted to. and taehyung reciprocates in the ways he's always wanted him too.
he can feel taehyung relaxing in his arms. "fuck- you look good-" taehyung says, cheeks red, timid hands exploring all over jimin's chest.
"can i stay over tonight?" jimin says looking away. it comes out easily, loosened feelings rushing in, like the rivers flow in rains. taehyung's head whips up, jimin still resolutely not meeting his eyes. "i mean-" his head hangs low, looking at their feet.
"yes- fuck- please, please stay," taehyung says too loud, too quick, it comes out as a jumble of words. jimin looks up and sees red cheeks, big eyelashes and bright hopeful smiles. taehyung takes a breath and repeats slowly, "i would very much like that, jiminie."
jimin feels like he could fly.
"for now- could you please put on a shirt I'm gonna lose my fucking mind- please?"
jimin laughs and picks up a tee that was hanging on an armchair. probably taehyung’s.
they walk in the house, passing through the dining.
a voice chimes in, "and where have you two been? hmm?" it's jungkook. round head full of hair, oily face from long commutes, lounging on one of the dining chairs, face full of bulgogi. jimin approaches him, ruffles his hair and says "welcome back kook, please go easy on him, you loving bastard."
"that depends on how much pudding you have leftover," he watches jimin climb up the stairs.
"anyway." "city boy," he punctuates around his food, voice desperately attempting to imitate an older guardian, "what were you doing in the field at this late hour?" he waves his spoon in the air in dramatic gestures.
taehyung sighs. he's seeing jungkook after two weeks. he would very much like to go squeeze him but he's being a little shit. something nabs at taehyung's mind, telling him he's known about jimin and him for a while. that he’s trying to look out for jimin, maybe for both of them, and it's only normal given how long taehyung took.
"i was tending to the cows," taehyung says, pulling out the tupperware full of pudding out of the refrigerator.
"hyung, you don't have cows," jungkook says eyes locked onto the pudding. "and what about those red bruises?" he tries to snatch the box of pudding.
taehyung pulls up his collar, “there were big mosquitoes outside,” jungkook makes non convinced rolling eyes.
"listen, i will give you this if you stop asking me questions," taehyung says.
"taehyung, are you coming?" jimin's calling him from upstairs.
"ooh taetae are you coming?" jungkook imitates in an overly high pitched voice wiggling dramatically in his chair. taehyung puts the tupperware on the furthest corner of the table and goes to smack him. but in the last moment, he changes his mind and hugs him tight, jungkook's head on his chest. "good to see you kook. wish me luck."
"better not break his heart again, hyung," jungkook mutters small, clutching his arm.
"i won't, i promise."
jungkook lets him go. taehyung ruffles his hair one last time and takes the stairs.
there's an owl hooting outside. jimin opens the windows, pulls down the curtains and watches the moon come out from under pillows of clouds. the stars are invisible under the moon’s brilliant shine. they’re obscured in darkness, still singing songs of moon all through a milenia and more. it doesn't matter if they are outshined, if they fall and nobody bears witness. it’s fine if a few of them disappear, forgotten, dissipated into nothingness. they will keep loving the moon, from their dawn to their demise, destined to complete each other, wrapped in strings of fate.
he waits for taehyung, weaving a thousand year old love song.