Chapter Text
He always knew this day was coming despite everything he had tried to stop it. When he received the call there was no surprise in his voice while speaking to the doctor about what had happened. There had been no one else to call as he was the last one left. Over the last six months he watched as one by one friends and family gave up. The thought of joining them by walking away had crossed his mind so frequently. It would be easier to not care and honestly he had enough of his own problems right now. Giving up just wasn’t really a choice though was it.
The doctor had confirmed that the although his condition was serious he was stable at the moment. Should he go to see him? Was he strong enough to do this by himself? He was never the strong one. Everyone had always thought they knew the dynamics of their relationship and they had enjoyed playing up to these assumptions. Dropping hints, making comments and then watching people putting two and two together and making twelve.
Scrolling through his phone he found flights that would get him to LA that evening. Wandering around the room he started throwing things into the bag while debating with himself about letting the family know what had happened. They had been very clear that they couldn’t support his behaviour. It had been his mum’s idea to confront him. Getting him to understand the impact of what he was doing and how destructive his behaviour had become was supposed to snap him back to reality. It was going to make a difference if they were united is what she had said but it didn’t. There didn’t seem to be much point after the so called intervention. They had issued him with an ultimatum, he either got help or they would all walk away. They couldn’t continue picking him up and clearing up the mess he made. Deep inside he knew it was a pointless move. There had already been soft words of support, strong words said in anger and whispered conversations around a hospital bed that hadn’t changed a thing.
Packed and ready he waited for the car to arrive and started to think about how it all went wrong. This wasn’t the first time he tried to work out where it had fallen apart. The story of how they met had been discussed in hundreds of interviews. It had become a well delivered routine with the same pauses inserted to allow the interviewer or audience laugh. Both of them had held small pieces of that day back from public consumption. The nature of job meant that they had to let people into their lives but there was only so far you could go before you totally sold your soul.
It wasn’t love at first sight; he wasn’t sure that actually existed. They were going to be working closely together over the next few weeks and had to reach a level of intimacy that would normally take much longer to develop. He was going to work hard to make them friends as it would make what they have to do easier. They shared the same sense of humour and even though they came from wildly different backgrounds they found enough common ground to bond. He can’t put his finger on the moment when their relationship changed from colleagues to friends to so much more.
It was definitely different by the time they filmed the midnight scene. Both of them were nervous about this part of filming. They had grown so comfortable with each other and the boundaries between them had blurred. A touch set off the butterflies in his stomach and he started to crave even a fleeting connection. As filming progressed what they felt grew stronger and could no longer separate the falling in love on screen and falling in love in real life.
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He knew before he left he had to make some calls. They wouldn’t be easy ones but they had to done.
*********
“Hey”
“Hey. Long-time no speak. How are you?”
“Not great my friend. Sorry to interrupt your morning. I wasn’t sure whether to give you a call.”
“What’s happened? Have you heard from him?”
“Got a call from Cedar Sinai he was admitted this morning. They said he overdosed and is lucky to be alive with the amount of drugs he had taken. They have him on life support. Doctor said its serious but he is stable. I was down as his emergency contact. I’m about to get on a flight to LA.”
“Fuck. I can’t say I am surprised though. Have you spoken to his family?”
“Not yet. They were going to be the next call. I am putting off making the call.”
“I’m not sure how there are going to take it. Is going there the right choice? It will be back down the rabbit hole and you have enough of your own crap to deal with.”
(He paused and breathed out slowly) “I………...I have to. I love him.”
“I know you do but you can’t save him. You’ve tried, we’ve all tried. I’m not sure our love is enough.”
“I would never forgive myself if I didn’t try. He would do it for me. I tried so hard to move on and I can’t.”
“Just remember he isn’t the same man anymore. That man has gone. Don’t chase shadows my friend.”
“I understand what you are saying but if there is a chance I have to go. He needs me. (he breathes in deeply trying to convince himself of what he was saying) My ride is here so I have to shoot. I’ll give you a call if there are any changes.”
“Take care”
“Speak soon”
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The next call was going to be the hardest. He still wasn’t sure of he was doing the right thing by making it. His mum had made it clear she was done with her son. He recalled the last conversation when she blamed him for what her child was going through. In his head he knew that the spiral downwards wasn’t his fault but his heart told him otherwise. He hurt the person he loved most in the world. It must be his fault.
At one point they had no secrets between them, nothing wasn’t shared or expressed. They both knew how important they were to each other and there were no doubts. It was agreed that they would not be as honest with others as there was still a marriage in the way. It wasn’t right to publicly humiliate Liz even though they sometimes questioned if the attention she would get from their relationship would be another opportunity for her to self-promote. There was a plan that had been agreed. Despite the advice not to follow through with it neither cared about the predicted impact on their careers. They were just not willing to give up love and happiness for the potential of alienating some people in Hollywood. He stuck to the plan, made difficult choices and knew that these hurt others. Being patient was hard for both of them but knew their happy ending was going to happen. At least he thought they did, well he thought it would come. If they both had faith in that future he wouldn’t be making the phone call he was dreading.
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He phoned her expecting the call to be tense and awkward.
“Hello. Sorry to disturb you”
“It’s not a problem. How are you?”
“I have been good. Lots of work at the moment so it has been busy.”
“Always nice to hear things are going well for you” (The tone of her voice made it clear that she didn’t mean any of it)
“To get to the point I wanted to let you know I’ve had a phone call this morning. He’s in Cedar Sinai in LA. The doctor said he is in a serious condition but he’s stable right now.”
“………………………………… Thank you for letting me know. Is there anything else?”
“I’m on my way to the airport shortly so I can update you when I make it there.”
“An update won’t be necessary.”
“This could be a good thing though (he pleaded). If he has hit rock bottom, then there a chance at helping him. We can’t give up on him.”
“You know how many chances we have given him (said with both anger and sadness). He broke our family and I won’t let him do it again. If you and your guilt want to go down that path again you will have to do it without my agreement. I love my son but I can’t support his behaviour…………………You need to take responsibility for what you did to him. (her voice broke and it was clear any further talk would involve tears falling).”
“I’m sorry for upsetting you that wasn’t my intention. If you change your mind, then you have my number.”
She had put the phone down without any further comment.
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Walking through JFK he was so relieved that he wasn’t spotted. He was glad he was in New York as the paps weren’t as bad as LA or London. He didn’t need any speculation about the motives behind his trip. They had been lucky recently that his decline wasn’t splashed across trashy magazines and websites. There had been some small stories that bleed out in the last couple of months but luckily no one had got it spot on. Now that it had become so serious there was always the risk that it would get out. He didn’t want to add to the guilt he felt by being responsible for it all becoming public.
It was difficult to concentrate on the flight. He was nervous about what he was going to find when he arrived. A couple of times he managed to drift off but his subconscious was feeding him images that forced him awake. On arrival he sped through the airport and into the waiting car, eager to get to his final destination. The closer the car got to the hospital the more he felt his stomach turn over. At the hospital he forced himself to put one foot in front of the other while trying not to make eye contact to those that passed him. He hoped that this was indeed the bottom and they could fix this, knowing he would do what he could to help. Unlike the others he wasn’t made to give up on the person he loved. By the time he reached his floor he had formulated the plan of what to do and felt a little more in control. The nurse greeted him and gave a small update, not much had changed since his discussion with the doctor which he reminded himself was a good thing. It was definitely going to be uphill from here, he could feel it.
The minute he stepped into the room and saw him lying there any confidence he had convinced himself he had was washed away. Though constant beeping was a reminder that he hadn’t lost him yet. He closed the gap between them and he examined his face wanting to see his beautiful eyes but knowing this wasn’t going to happen. Without much thought he ran his fingers through his hair hoping to provide some comfort. In that moment he promised both of them that he was going to fix this. He gave in to the tears that had been building and felt them roll down his face. He wasn’t going to give up on him. Bending down he placed a soft kiss on his forehead and repeated his promise. No matter what happened next he would be there for the love of his life. He pulled the chair closer and took hold of his hand and whispered in his ear “I love you Tim. Don't leave me”.