Work Text:
Come home, now.
Jeongguk’s fingers lazed around the cellphone, his eyes constantly retracing their path over those simple words and yet none of it quite took in his head. A text was never meant to be deep in its nature, at least he believed most people thought that. You text friends, family, girlfriends, boyfriends it didn't matter. By the end of your message all that was left to do was wait for a response and move on about your day. Jeongguk wholeheartedly believed all of this, and yet his world seemed quick to turn upside down at the hands of three words in a text.
Come home, now.
He breathed deep, heart surprisingly still in his chest as he silently repeated those words to himself over and over again. He almost didn’t want to believe it, but all it took was a glance up at the sender and he knew it was real. His father was livid. Jeongguk could feel the tension unwinding within him, but otherwise he just felt numb. Empty and devoid of all other feelings besides quiet acceptance. He had to wonder how it even came to this. Moving to the United States was meant to be his end game, his escape. The opportunity to be himself, and blindly chase that freedom of love he so valued. It was the entire reason he followed that feeling two years ago. Tailing his ex-boyfriend like a lovesick puppy into a new country and only finding that love did, in fact, end just as quickly as it started. He was left with a deep self loathing when it happened, and his naive future became a waste in his hands, the ability to escape his parents became replaced with the dying need to escape his own broken heart.
Jeongguk could only count himself fortunate that the hole his ex left in his life years ago, allowed his empty apartment to be replaced by another roommate. Namjoon. His now best friend and life coach in every way except certified. A best friend that made it possible to see the freedom at his fingertips. He taught him that his journey may have started by his incessant need to cling to a love he had to hide back home, but that Jeongguk could ultimately change that. In some ways, that advice made it easier to accept his poor luck in romance, even if he did bury the majority of his emotions in the warmth of random strangers and foreign beds. Jeongguk loved to remind himself he still had this, at least. The emotional warmth of a friend and the prospect of his college career. Until now, that is. Like all promising ventures in his life, this too, was being taken from him. He didn’t even know whether to laugh or cry at his constant string of bad luck. Then again, there was always going to come a time where his parents became privy to his choice of lovers. A time he knew they’d look at his sexuality and see only disgust and sin. It was only catered by the odds of his father’s business partner being sent to New York and bumping into a very drunk Jeongguk tangled in the arms of another man at some dingy club downtown. Now would be a perfect time to assess every single one of his life choices and stop thinking with his dick.
“You alright?”
Right on time, Jeongguk thinks. Namjoon was sat at his desk, spinning around in his chair and watching the younger with a heavy look of investigation, eyebrow quirked like he already knew the answer. It was a habit of his, always inquiring things he already understood. Jeongguk had a love-hate relationship with that trait, because it always led to him having a mild breakdown and the elder holding him like he was some child throwing a tantrum. In many ways, he should be thankful. “I...” Jeongguk’s eyes gazed back at the text, app still open and ominous in his hands. He had already spent the greater half of his day dodging calls and facetimes from his father, save for the very first that came through after his organic chemistry lecture. It may have been hours ago, but it felt so fresh in his mind that he still recalled the ghost of his mother’s breath as she sobbed and sobbed behind his father’s yelling. Words of disbelief and strings of hate speech that left Jeongguk immobilized on the city sidewalk earlier. One would think he’d cry and beg forgiveness, but he always felt he was on borrowed time to begin with.
‘My son can’t be gay’ his father had screamed, and all Jeongguk could think was, too bad I am.
Who was Jeongguk to believe his late night out would turn into his inevitable downfall. That his father’s partner would be the one to out him like it was any of his business to do so. “No.” He eventually answered Namjoon, barely catching the sigh the other man let out at his confession.
“What happened?”
It was strange to hear how commonplace that phrase was these days. Jeongguk was beginning to think he truly didn't deserve his best friend, because all he ever did was give him reason to see how fucked Jeongguk’s life could be. “Nothing.” He truly wanted to explain, to vent out the frustration and almost dark humor at his situation, but dodging the question appeared easier. All Jeongguk really wanted to do was run. Run and run until he could find another reason to escape again, leave everything behind because he was so skilled at that process. It’s what led him to the front door, his keys already in hand and the other busy fumbling with his wallet until it was secure in his back pocket.
“Wait, Jeongguk? Where are you-”
“Just for a walk, hyung.” It was a fabricated smile, knowing what he needed was much more than a walk into the fresh air of the evening, but he was shit enough at being a friend already. He didn’t need to give Namjoon another reason to worry. “Don’t wait up for me.”
He was quick to slam the door, hoping Namjoon’s prying would end at the threshold, and before anyone could think to chase him he rushed down the steps and onto the sidewalk, feeling less confined as the city streets filled with people and cars honking their obnoxious horns for attention. New York was a hectic city, and while Jeongguk considered himself introverted, there was something inspiring about living here. Almost like the chaos lent its strength to the peace he tried to instill in his heart. Gave him reason to continue on and realize in all the discord of his life, one could still exist as themselves.
“Thank you.” Jeongguk slammed the shot back, cringing his features when the heavy taste of alcohol startled his nerves awake. He was never one for the stronger stuff, but right now he couldn’t imagine taking his sweet time descending into the state of shit faced. He just needed to chase that numb feeling again, give his mind reason to shut down and throw caution to the wind. Every time he thought of the text, he drank another, and every time the intoxicated state became stronger he finished it off with a sardonic laugh and a beer. By this point, he wasn’t sure which number this bottle was, but he knew it was enough to warrant a headache in the morning. Details, though. He was feeling it, but it was better than marinating in all the turmoil.
“Last call!” He heard the bartenders yell, his heart stuttering in his chest at the prospect of being kicked out. It was closing in on two in the morning, and all he could think of was how delicious another Four Horsemen shot sounded. Who needs inhibitions anyway?
“Excuse me-shit…” Jeongguk staggered over the bar, gripping the smooth wood as he nudged between two other drunks. “Could I get a shot over here?” He beckoned the bartender over, a short woman with pretty eyes and long black hair. She seemed amused by his antics and passable english, and judging by her gaze she was used to dealing with drunks this late at night.
“Hey, hun.” Her eyes traversed his features, and her bottom lip pressed between her teeth as she giggled at Jeongguk’s swaying figure. “I’m afraid I’m cutting you off from the heavy stuff, yeah?” She reached behind her, opening a cooler and pulling out a bottle of Bud Light. It wasn’t his first choice, and probably not even his last, but if it helped satiate his own disquiet then he’d take it. “On the house.” She winked cutely, making sure to keep her fingertips brushing his as the bottle switched hands. All Jeongguk could do was smile, noting her presence leaning closer over the bar and begging to initiate something more. Part of him almost wishes he had the nerve to flirt back, because it was painfully obvious how interested she was in him. It would certainly solve all his problems, wouldn’t it? But he only laughed awkwardly, folding a twenty into her hand and hoping the generous tip was enough to apologize for his lack of interest. With a grab for the beer, he turned on his heels not taking a chance to see her expression before dipping out of the bar and back onto the street. He should know better than to drink along the roads, but with all the drunks out tonight and the buskers doing their thing, he figured no one would pay enough attention to little old him.
He felt the steady vibration of his phone in his pocket, and he dared to glance down at it before guilt ate away at him. There were several texts from Namjoon, and another couple of missed calls from his father. Jeongguk could only be thankful to his past self for never allowing his parents to know his friend’s numbers. So, he chose to ignore his parents again, opting to shoot his roommate a quick text to ensure his safety. He was aware he couldn’t ignore his family forever, but if only for tonight, he would give himself that freedom.
His journey brought him down the city sidewalk, shoulder bumping into strangers here and there that dipped out from the bars closing down. Jeongguk uttered quick apologies in english, thankful his accent wasn’t as thick as it used to be when he first moved to the states. It earned him a few heavy grunts from fellow drunks, some even playfully slapping him on the arm to show their forgiveness. It was strange being here, in this environment, his life certainly felt like it was falling apart but he looked around and found nothing but merriment and intimacy between people. He wondered if any of them were working through the same predicaments he was. Were they all just drinking their problems away, too? For such a busy time of night, with strangers and song playing in the air, Jeongguk felt the burden of loneliness weighing him down. He could just go back to Namjoon, fall into the elder’s arms and cry until he accepted this was it. That he’d be sent back to South Korea one way or another and learn being the perfect son was the only path he was ever meant to take.
Jeongguk should’ve known since the start that chasing any dream was going to be a fool’s errand.
He breathed out an exhausted sigh, bringing the lip of the bottle up and taking a quick drink. The beer was growing flat, but it fueled the uneasiness building inside him anyway.
“That guy is pretty good.”
“Yeah!”
Jeongguk tilted his head towards the couple walking by him, arms linked and moving onto a different conversation. But, it was their brief one he unintentionally eavesdropped on that garnered his attention, and he retraced their previous steps. Finding himself coming towards the entrance of a park that all the buskers scattered to. He could see some street dancers entertaining a crowd, another with a puppet making overly inebriated people laugh, and a handful of singers that ranged from decent to downright terrible. He wasn’t one to judge talent, he had no place in that, but he did feel a little awful for the ones who sang off tune but still held out hope for a dream. At least they had that, he thought. Better than he could say for himself.
“You know how I get when the sun goes down.”
Jeongguk startled from his position in the crowd, eyes turning to the left and watching a handful of people moving along the line of entertainers. He couldn’t see where the voice was coming from, but it caught his attention all the same. It was deep in nature, each lyric being drawn out and breathy in the most seductive of ways. In his drunken haze, he’d compare the lilt of that voice to a siren, beckoning him forward and onto his knees so he could worship it. In the soft breeze of the night, it made him shiver, a rush of emotions entering his soul and propelling his boots towards the sound.
“I’ve been bitten by the lonely.”
There was a hint of an accent in the english lyrics, made deeper by the acoustic version of the song Jeongguk actually recognized. It was, oddly enough, one of his favorites and he barely managed to apologize as he pushed some people out of the way on his quest to find the source.
“None of you feels it, maybe it’s sick to say.”
His heart raced uncontrollably, shoulder near ramming another person as he finally came to a decent clearing. There was a man, maybe around his age, sitting on a stool, simple guitar case on the floor and open with a decent amount of cash buried inside. Jeongguk could see a small crowd forming, some people throwing coins and a few stray bills into the singer’s case. Even then, Jeongguk believed he deserved a whole bank vaults worth. The singer’s digits expertly strummed the guitar in his lap, honey colored hair falling over his eyes and framing his soft features in a way that made every nerve in Jeongguk spark. It might’ve been all the alcohol buzzing his system, but the combination of such a voice and the beauty attached? It left him breathless.
“We’re glowing in the dark, we started from a spark.” Jeongguk watched the singer’s lips move sensually, a clear hint of a Korean accent laced around the lyrics and it only added to the version the man was singing. “We’re lights that never go out, like we’ve never been down.”
Maybe it was the familiarity of that accent, hell, maybe it was just how beautiful the entire scene was to Jeongguk. But he found himself staggering forward towards the singer, the foreign sensation of hope lingering somewhere in his heart as he fell next to the stool, missing the sideways glance the busker gave him. He clumsily leaned back into the stool, head brushing the singer’s jean clad thigh, Jeongguk’s bucket hat messily moving from the action. In an ideal world, he’d of known better than to forgo his manners but this felt too right in the moment. Too heavenly to ignore for the sake of his sanity or the judgment of others. And in true professionalism, the singer never stopped, not even missing a breath as he continued to sway Jeongguk’s being with his words.
“Glowing in the dark, we light up Central Park.”
There were tears then, sobs silent and cheeks growing sticky from Jeongguk’s sudden breakdown. He barely moved an inch, but the gentle trembling of his hands shook the beer bottle and he could only find solace in the fact that everyone around was either too drunk or too occupied by their dates to care about his pathetic state. He briefly closed his eyes, breathing in the lyrics that made his whole heart ache with unknown circumstances. He moved to take another swig of his beer, hoping the sour taste would distract him long enough to return to a more normal demeanor. But, the second he brought the bottle up, fingers were curling around it tangling over his own and having more strength than he possessed right now, enough to gain his attention and make him tilt his head back Jeongguk’s eyes met the singer’s, breath catching in his throat when he took in the gente smile the man held still never pausing in the song as he removed the bottle from Jeongguk’s hold and tossed it over to the trash can, all the while holding his gaze.
“We’re lights that never go out ‘cause you’re here with me now.”
Jeongguk supposed he should be mad at the loss of his drink, but he was eerily thankful for the intrusion, tears still slipping down his cheeks. The cool breeze made his skin almost feel painful with the tug of dried tears, but the singer leaned down and brushed the new ones away with his thumb. The action alone made Jeongguk enamored, his lips parting to release a shaky breath the busker easily caught with a smile.
The song began to wind down, the thrum of people clapping filling the background but all Jeongguk could focus on was the almost shy giggle the singer let out at the attention.
“Thank you very much.” The busker spoke, normal speech just as thick with accent as his singing. Jeongguk realized how beautiful it all still sounded. He wasn’t ready to let it go, and his panic only grew when he heard more coins and bills being tossed into the guitar case, the singer thanking and bowing to each person as best he could before hopping off the stool.
“Wait!” Jeongguk stumbled to his feet, catching himself on the stool and shaking out his tipsy thoughts. The singer was putting the cash into a book bag he had, carefully placing his guitar back into its case and clipping it shut. But, he still turned to Jeongguk, eyebrows raised in wonder at the complete stranger who was awkward enough to cry next to him from a song and ethereal voice attached. The realization made Jeongguk blush, coughing into his hand and grateful the curve of his hat could hide his features. “Please…” They barely knew one another, but Jeongguk already felt a tug of urgency to not let this end yet. He wasn’t sure he could handle it. “One more song?” He switched over to Korean, earning a happy look from the singer at the familiar language.
The busker blinked for a second before his lips curled into a knowing smile that made every hair on Jeongguk’s arms raise. “It’ll cost you.”
If that’s all it took, Jeongguk wouldn’t hesitate. He reached behind his jeans for his wallet, feeling a little guilty for not even giving a tip to begin with when he was so caught up in his own turmoil. Quite frankly, he should be throwing his whole wallet in there for his lame attempt of a mental breakdown. “Of course, I-”
He’s cut off by a contagiously pretty laugh, hands coming over to grip his own in an oddly harsh but gentle manner. “No! No, stop...I’m kidding.” The hands around his are warmer, soothing his fatigued body and in a string of fated events he feels his heart falling far too quickly. “Are you hungry?” The busker interrupted his thoughts, still holding his hands in his and it was too distracting for Jeongguk to properly answer, so he simply nodded. Even if he really wasn’t all that starved.
“Come on then.” The singer smiled warmly, moving to lift his case and bag but Jeongguk instinctively offered to do so. He held them both cautiously, not wanting to destroy any part of the buskers undoubtedly important items. It made the singer smile, a soft blush on his cheeks as he admired the way Jeongguk caved under his presence. “You’re sweet…” He easily linked his arm around Jeongguk’s, making him stiffen but ease into the contact like it was always meant to be. Or maybe that was the act of skinship he had learned to leave behind with his culture upon moving. “Taehyung.” He said, humming to himself before looking over at Jeongguk for a response. “My name is Taehyung.”
“Oh.” Jeongguk realized too late that he was just staring at the handsome stranger, or well--
Taehyung. It earned him a hearty giggle, Taehyung nudging his side as he tugged them along the street.
“That can’t be your name?”
“No, sorry-uh...Jeongguk.” Jeongguk rubbed the back of his neck, shifting the book bag a little higher on his shoulder. “It’s Jeongguk.”
“Mm. That’s a little better than oh.” Taehyung smiled over at him and Jeongguk quickly came to terms with the undeniable fact that that smile would be the end of him. He could curse himself for falling too quickly all the time, but this one seemed a pleasure to have his heart broken over. Almost a privilege. “Well, Gukkie,” Jeongguk couldn’t hide his smile at that. “For one more song, you can buy me an early breakfast.” Taehyung winked at him, Jeongguk’s cheeks burning ridiculously hot under the playful gaze. He wondered if Taehyung was always this way around strangers, or if he was an exception. Either way, he was thankful for it.
“Deal.”
*
Early morning led them both to a twenty four hour diner in the middle of the city, inhabited only by the drunks and construction workers that came in from the road up ahead. Jeongguk had been here a few times, and he was starting to realize he found himself a little too tipsy on more than half of those occasions. Tonight was no different. Granted, the buzz of earlier was slowly wearing off and he had to applaud Taehyung for his patience in putting up with such an emotional stranger.
“I’m,” Jeongguk sipped slowly at his water, eyeing the pancakes Taehyung made him get in order to lessen the blow of a hangover in the morning. He had to smile at that detail, finding importance in the mild care the other man placed in him even if they just met. “I’m really sorry...about earlier.”
“Hm?” Taehyung cocked his head, blinking over at Jeongguk with half his mouth full of bacon. It was an endearing sight, and maybe Jeongguk had to avert his eyes a good minute before his blush became noticeable.
“Um, you know.” He cleared his throat, keeping his hand over his lips as he attempted to hide his embarrassment. “Crying and crashing your set in the park wasn’t exactly civil of me.”
Taehyung hummed then, a small smile replacing the puffed out cheeks from before. If he was at all bothered by the interruption earlier, he didn’t show it. “I don’t mind. Besides,” He pointed his fork towards Jeongguk, waving it around for emphasis of his own thoughts. “I’ve had weirder things happen to me while busking. One time, some guy asked if I was a prostitute.”
Jeongguk choked on his water, amusing the singer to no end. He was impressed with the nonchalance, knowing if someone had the nerve to ask him such a thing he would’ve either punched them or called it a night. “W-What was that?”
That charming smile of Taehyung’s turned wider, mimicking a box and Jeongguk was dreading the way his heart skipped at the image. “I was singing, and this guy came up and started going off about how pretty I was and if I was by chance a hooker.” Taehyung shrugged, cutting through his eggs and taking a quick bite before continuing. “When I told him no, he started crying.”
“Oh…” To be fair, Taehyung was impossibly pretty, but Jeongguk couldn’t help but feel for him for being placed in that situation. “I hope he didn’t bother you after that?”
Taehyung chuckled, resting his cheek in the palm of his hand while he nodded lazily. “I ignored him long enough, he eventually crawled off somewhere. So, yeah, compared to that, I’ll take a handsome stranger crying next to me drunk.” He giggled at the blush settling over Jeongguk’s cheeks, clearly enjoying how easily riled up the other was. “You’re so cute, Gukkie.”
“Jesus…” Jeongguk dropped his gaze, wanting to sink back into the booth and die from shame. There was a part of him that loved being called handsome by someone as beautiful as Taehyung, but the rest of that confession only reminded him of how idiotic he appeared earlier to the man. “Can we change the subject? I might faint if you keep throwing out compliments like that.”
The singer just continued to giggle, offering a sympathetic smile and stealing bites of pancakes off his plate. “Aww, let’s not hope for that, Gukkie. With all that muscle you’re packing, I’m not sure I have enough strength to drag you back to my place.” He wiggled his eyebrows, earning another embarrassed groan from Jeongguk, who was still slipping deeper into his seat.
“You’re relentless.” Jeongguk coughed out the words, not even fighting the heat building up his neck and face. At this rate, Taehyung was just going to keep it up until there was no pride left in him.
“You’re just too easy.” Taehyung pushed his empty plate at the end of the table, going back to staring over at Jeongguk in curiosity. He was drumming his fingers over his cheek, and Jeongguk couldn’t stop himself from admiring how lovely and slender his hands were. They were definitely made to play guitar. “Can I ask you something then?” He suddenly said, lips pursed in question.
“Uh, sure.”
“Why were you crying?”
Oh. Jeongguk wasn’t expecting that one, although he probably should have. He’d be wondering that too if it was the other way around. Not that he was tempted to rush into any detail, but he had to give it to the other. Taehyung had an odd talent for erupting all the deeper emotions in him. “No...reason.” Jeongguk whispered, barely loud enough to gain Taehyung’s full attention. “Just drunk and really feeling that song you sang.” He huffed out a forced laugh, scratching just under his bucket hat to give himself something else to focus on. But, Taehyung squinted over the table, pouting almost at the obvious dodge of the question.
“That so?”
“Y-Yeah?”
And Jeongguk was starting to regret not just telling the truth, because Taehyung was now leaning over the table, inches from his face with a finger booping the tip of his nose. “Liar.” At least he didn’t appear offended at being led astray. “As much as I’d love to take credit for moving someone’s emotions so deeply with just my voice,” He smiled. “I think there’s more to it than that.”
Now here is the strange thing, Jeongguk couldn’t help but feel some form of bond with this person in front of him. With his boxy grin and sparkly eyes that could hold entire galaxies in them. His voice may not have been the sole cause of his breakdown, but Jeongguk did find it so touching that it was the reason he let himself fall by his stool in some odd twist of trust. As if being by his side and listening to his song would somehow cure the ache he was nursing before. “Your voice is moving, though.” Jeongguk confessed, turning his empty glass around on the table and drawing in the pool of condensation it left behind.
“Flattered.” Taehyung grinned. “But, don’t change the subject on me, Gukkie.”
Jeongguk had to admire his persistence. “Are you always this pushy to know someone’s life story?” He said it with a smile, hoping the other could sense the playful tone in his voice. Thankfully, Taehyung did, and the singer just laughed heartily, shrugging his slender shoulders and leaning back, his sweater dipping just at the curve of his collarbone.
“I find it helps to talk about things that bother you. Even if it is to a stranger. Sometimes that’s even better.”
Jeongguk hummed in understanding, but he was never one to vent his emotions so easily unless it was to Namjoon. Even then, sometimes the elder had trouble convincing him to do so. But, Taehyung just stared with those rare empathetic eyes of his, heart on his sleeve and Jeongguk was weak to pretty boys to begin with. If he was honest, meeting Taehyung was the start of him either falling further apart or coming together. So, he sighed, arching back into his seat and thinking of a decent way to word his thoughts without sounding crazy or overly depressing. “Long story short, my parents found out I’m gay and now they’re adamant I go back to South Korea for the rest of my education.” Straight to the point. He only hoped Taehyung wouldn’t find it too deep a topic. It wasn’t his sexuality that worried him, judging by the way Taehyung was eyeing up his body he figured the other was as gay as he was. But, some people didn’t do well with heavier themes. Luckily, Taehyung was the sort to listen and offer a soothing presence.
“Oh, Gukkie…”
It sounded so sympathetic for someone who had just met him, and Jeongguk found it was enough to warm his heart of his troubles for tonight. “It’s fine. I guess I kind of expected it to happen eventually. I mean, it was either hide forever, or come out, right?” He laughed dejectedly, because really, who was he kidding? Any lover he chose would hate to have to be a secret forever and he wouldn’t be able to blame them for that.
“I’m really sorry.” Taehyung reached over to take his hand, gently rubbing soothing circles in Jeongguk’s palm with the pads of his thumbs. “My parents were pretty accepting of me, so I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I hope you know it isn’t your fault.” He gave a sweet smile, now tracing over the life lines in his palm as he spoke further. “I know they’re your parents so you’ll love them no matter what, but please remember it is your choice where you stay. Sometimes we have to hurt a little to be able to be truly happy in the end. And if you love this city more, then I say fuck them.”
Jeongguk chuckled at his words, somewhat distracted by the fingertips prodding his skin. “You know the shitty thing is, I was originally going to study in Korea, but my ex came down here and I followed him because I was young and stupidly in love.”
“I take it, it didn’t end well?”
“He left me for someone else halfway through our first semester.”
Taehyung puffed his cheeks in offense, gripping Jeongguk’s hand tighter between his. “Want to go egg his dorm room?”
Jeongguk laughed then, a very deep and real sound he hadn’t formed in ages. Tempting as the offer was, he was a little more over his past than he used to be, even if the wound still burned from time to time. “Enticing, but I’d rather just spend the night with you.” He hadn’t realized how sexual that sounded until the words left his tongue, making Taehyung smirk with a raised eyebrow that left Jeongguk absolutely red in the face. “I didn’t mean it like that! I meant like just hanging out, or whatever...god, I’m sorry.” He ran his free hand over his face, cursing how attractive Taehyung was for him to be so tongue-tied easily. He swore he had more game than this most nights.
“So, you don’t want to spend the night with me, Gukkie?” Teasing, how appropriate.
He dared to glance across the table, still trying to pull in some pride he had left in him. How does one get away with being so pretty and handsome all at once? Taehyung was cheeky, he gave him that, and the wicked little grin he had on only made this encounter more memorable. “I-uh, I mean, of course, not that I-Fuck, I don’t know what you want me to say.’ Does he want the man sitting across from him? Yes. Does he want to maybe take him out and date him properly? Yes, hell yes. But, there was so much to be considered, and in truth, Jeongguk had never met a man who could make his heart beat so quickly he felt like a heart attack was incoming at the ripe old age of 21. His silence would be awkward, he was certain, but it only garnered him a sweet laugh from Taehyung. Who was still sitting with the adorable grin and sparkly eyes that told tales of breaking hearts. Or maybe that was Jeongguk’s assumption. He had a bad habit of thinking too far ahead.
“I’m just playing, Gukkie. Well, half playing.”
“Half playing…” Jeongguk muttered, gnawing forcibly on the inside of his cheek at the substance of those words. They had only just met, but he wasn’t that dense or blind. It was clear they were attracted to one another, he just wasn’t used to being the one left a stuttering mess.
“Mmmhm.” Taehyung hummed around his straw, keeping his gaze on Jeongguk who was doing his best to avoid it. It was truly endearing. “Did the pancakes sober you up?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Good.”
The waitress came by quickly, obviously tired from the graveyard shift and Jeongguk, as promised, paid for the meal. “So, Gukkie, want to come back to my place?”
Jeongguk sputtered over the last bits of his water, trying to find solace in the beautiful laugh Taehyung let out at his awkward mannerisms. But, his brain was a scramble of thoughts, ranging from deep want of a body to find pleasure in and the need to simply be by Taehyung’s side. No matter how long he was given. Just his luck he’d find a boy he actually wanted to date when his parents decided they knew better for him. “S-Sure.”
“I do owe you another song, I believe.” Taehyung hopped up from his seat, grabbing Jeongguk’s hand as he slowly followed and pulled them out of the diner. Jeongguk, like earlier, took it upon himself to carry Taehyung’s items, loving how easily moved by the simple act the singer was.
“Can I ask you something?” They were walking with their arms linked again, Jeongguk finding the proximity a nice distraction now.
“Why am I so forward all the time?” Taehyung opened up, smiling when he saw the faint blush reach Jeongguk’s cheeks.
“Y-Yeah, that.”
“Hm.” Taehyung leaned his head over, resting it on Jeongguk’s shoulder and he found the gesture beyond comforting. “I’ve just never seen the point in beating around the bush when it comes to life. If I want something,” He made a forward motion with his hand. “I go for it. Even if it doesn’t feel like something that will last, I still do it if I want it. You know?”
Jeongguk doesn’t really know, but he’s entirely moved by the prospect of that lifestyle. Every decision he’s made in his time has always been made for him or one he’s made on a whim. Even if it isn’t what he really wants, if the anxiety cripples him enough to do it anyway, he does. Moving down to the states was probably the only decision in his life that led somewhere great in some way, and he was starting to feel it slip through his fingers. He wished he could live like Taehyung. “That’s a romantic way of living.”
The singer chuckled, nodding his head in understanding. “I guess so. I just hate what ifs. So, I promise never to live with them.”
The rest of the walk was made in silence, but a comfortable one that Jeongguk was grateful for. It gave him a few minutes to simply bask in the company of this burst of a stranger, so friendly and warm in every way it left him wondering how a person can even grow into that persona. Taehyung led him up some rusted stairs and ladders, saying it wasn’t a true New York experience if they didn’t attempt entering his apartment through the fire escape. Jeongguk partially agreed.
“Home sweet home.” The singer sighed, waving Jeongguk off as he spoke of not leaving your windows open for strangers to climb into. “You’re technically a stranger still, Gukkie. For all I know you might murder me here.”
“Hopefully not.” Jeongguk laughed, taking a moment to breathe in the surroundings that spoke so loudly of their owner. The walls were an old brick style, but it suited the fairy lights strung along the crevices and random records and old movie posters pinned to them. Jeongguk was certain Taehyung hadn’t seen every single one of those movies, but possibly just loved the aesthetic of it. It made his heart melt at the thought. “I have to admit, I didn’t expect to spend my night crying in the park and then entering an apartment through the window.”
“Any regrets, Gukkie?” Taehyung took his case from him, setting it gently on the ground and patting the seat next to him on the sofa. It was probably too soon to be thinking this, but Jeongguk couldn’t help but see how wonderfully domestic this setting was.
“Not one.” He replied, praying this night wouldn’t end here for them. God, how he wished he could steal some of Taehyung’s courage and carefree nature. He’d be throwing his phone out the window and saying fuck you to anyone who told him he was ever less than in his life.
“Good, now sit, babe.” He patted the couch cushion, smiling that toothy grin when Jeongguk took his spot.
Babe? Jeongguk was dying inside, no one had called him babe in years. Not since his ex, and even now, the way Taehyung hums it out is better than any experience from the past. “So,” He rubbed his palms along his jeans, feeling them become a little too clammy. Taehyung really charmed his mind, because he was too occupied by pouty lips and deep brown eyes to string words along properly. “Uh-song?”
Taehyung merely laughed, setting his guitar across his lap like he did in the park, fingers strumming some chords absentmindedly. “Any requests? It is your song. Paid by pancakes and conversation.”
“This is too much pressure for me.” Jeongguk joked, but he scooted just that much closer, happy Taehyung didn’t move away.
“Dealer’s choice, then?”
“Dealer’s choice.” Because, Jeongguk was certain nothing Taehyung played would be awful, and he was willing to hear him recite the periodic table in tune.
That’s what led to an acoustic rendition of an EXO song, not that Jeongguk was complaining, he considered himself a little more than a casual fan of the group. Hearing the familiar beat in Taehyung’s vocals was new, though, and dare he say he could give them a run for their money. It was just a delight to witness him immersed in his passion, humming when he forgot the lyrics and making them both laugh, or strumming his guitar so effortlessly it made Jeongguk smile affectionately. In the small amount of hours spent together, Jeongguk had gone through a myriad of emotions, but he was focused on one. Happiness. It sounded so vague to pinpoint, but it was a feeling he barely had time to hold most days. Was he generally happy? Sure. He had plenty to be happy about aside from the obvious new predicament. But, was he truly, nakedly happy with life? No. But, in this moment, he felt it. With this person, he was.
“Beautiful.” He offered, grinning when Taehyung bowed with his boxy grin in tow. It was making it hard for Jeongguk to focus on anything else, and that sweet grin was driving him up the wall and making it his mission to kiss those lips. Truthfully, he’d been wanting to since he saw him singing, probably even before he actually laid eyes on Taehyung. His voice alone was perfect, and Jeongguk could kiss the melody if it were physically possible. “Seriously, you should be selling out stadiums.”
“Now you’re flattering me, Gukkie.” Taehyung watched him for a second, lips unmoving but eyes shining with a bright smile. Jeongguk had to lean forward, not even to touch or kiss but to experience that shine a little closer.
“I mean it, really.” It was the singer’s turn to blush, a rare image that Jeongguk was going to file away for the rest of his life under happiness. “I wish I knew how to play, I tried violin as a kid, but lost interest pretty quick.”
“I’ll teach you!” Taehyung eagerly jumped along the couch in his seat, bouncing so cutely Jeongguk had to smile. The singer carefully moved his guitar into Jeongguk’s open lap, helping him place his hands in the proper points. “It’s not so hard.” With care, he shifted behind him, making Jeongguk stiffen from the warmth that enveloped his back. Two arms came in between his own, snaking their way across his lap and settling over his own hands holding the instrument close. “Just follow me.” It wasn’t a hard task to do, because Taehyung’s fingers encased his with ease, gracefully maneuvering the strings into a decent sound aided by Jeongguk’s more clumsy fingers. However, if that was simply lack of skill or the man nestled behind him and hooking his chin over his shoulder...he wasn’t sure.
“You’re a natural.” Taehyung cooed, turning his head slightly to look at Jeongguk.
“Pretty sure that’s you. I’m making this sound awful.” He laughed, tilting his head to meet that playful gaze, dangerous as it was. It left them both giggling like children, Taehyung’s lips spreading into that rectangle shape that was beyond captivating. The more seconds passed, though, made their laughter die down into a soft silence. One that made Jeongguk swallow thickly, eyes drifting from brown eyes to plump lips. He was mindful of how close they were, of how achingly obvious he probably was about kissing the singer. Jeongguk’s had urges before, it was natural for someone of his age, but right now...this was by far the strongest one he’s been privy to. No wonder he often failed at relationships, every little detail was something he’d romanticize. “Um-”
The fates were kind, or maybe that was just Taehyung being the beautiful human being he was, because he went for it. Two strong hands gripped the corners of his hat, tugging gently until their lips met in the middle. It wasn’t heavy, or needy or anything in between, but just gentle. Two pairs of lips dancing with each other, parting only for gasps of air and adding to the sensuality of it all. It still left Jeongguk breathless, his heart a hammering mess and eyes tightly closed because he feared he’d open them to find nothing.
“I could get used to this.”
At least he was brought back to the real world by that sirenic voice, giving him the nerve to open his eyes and find Taehyung blushing softly, but still so bold to nuzzle their foreheads together. He was reaching for the guitar now, moving it aside and twisting until he was facing Jeongguk properly. Their hands became tangled together, Taehyung’s thumbs rubbing mindless circles into his knuckles. “Are you always like this, Gukkie?”
“Like what?” He breathed out, not wanting to move so much as an inch. As if that would disturb this intimate moment away from him.
A finger poked his cheek, prodding him for answers that Jeongguk might be too distracted to give. “Forever tense and broody.” It still makes Jeongguk laugh, flushing at the sentiment because truly he was very much like that if his friend’s words were anything to go by.
“Honestly? Yeah.”
Taehyung frowned, but there was still a subtle hint of sweetness behind the expression. “Going to have to change that, can’t have you dark and mysterious 24/7, Gukkie.” His words end with a warm kiss to the neck, making Jeongguk hold his breath in surprise. There was no reason to cease the intimacy between them, because Jeongguk honestly didn’t wish to, but he feared loosening up too much to the point he’d scare Taehyung off like the rest of them. “Tae…” He still leaned back into the affections, heart aching but it was a dull pain now, soothed by lips sweeping along his neck and under his ear, a very sensitive point for him. “Taehyung.” Jeongguk licked his lips, feeling the skin of them drying under the heavy breaths he was taking. Try as he might, ignoring the tingle of arousal pulsating from the kisses was driving him mad. There was no use escaping them, and the further along his features Taehyung went with his pecks, the harder it became to deny himself the pleasure.
“You know,” Taehyung started, pausing his journey and nuzzling the sensitive edge of shoulder and neck. “I’m really glad you chose my stool to cry against while completely shit faced.”
Jeongguk laughed, breathless and merry and he felt the heat warming his skin from the mad blush he was getting. He tried to forget they met under awkward circumstances, but even at the start Taehyung didn’t seem to mind. He worked with what the world gave him, and Jeongguk just happened to stumble into it with tears and bud light.
“Please, no. It’s embarrassing.” He covered his face, still muffling some giggles behind his hand.
“It was cute.”
They stay silent for a moment, Taehyung peppering kisses down his throat and humming in approval when Jeongguk lays a hand over his thigh. Jeongguk can feel the arousal simmering in his belly, not fully tended to, but waiting for something more. He didn’t want to push, for he was actually content with the dreamy atmosphere they built around them. Just exchanging delicate kisses, sometimes touching under shirts, and lingering there. It’s only when Taehyung scoots closer, letting Jeongguk’s hand slip higher under his sweater that makes the tension return.
“Jeongguk?”
“Yeah?” He was kissing the corner of Taehyung’s mouth, bumping noses together as the other gazed softly into his eyes.
“You’re still tense.”
The singer chuckled with him, a small breath of a laugh but Jeongguk loved it all the same. “Am I?” Taehyung nodded, massaging his shoulders for emphasis to the point. “I’m sorry.” He couldn’t help it, every never in his body was begging for attention, and having Taehyung willing to entice them all only made him apprehensive. Jeongguk just wasn’t used to this feeling, of having someone treat you so affectionately it left all the best parts of you laid bare.
“Don’t be.” Taehyung snuggled into him, and Jeongguk would coo if he could form any coherent words or sounds from how perfect this all felt. “I can help you relieve some stress.”
Jeongguk didn’t need to look at him to know there was a suggestive look on his face, and it only made him hold back the moan threatening his throat. Taehyung truly was the epitome of forward, and he was thoroughly glad for it. “That so?”
“Mmhm.” Taehyung tickled over his jean clad thighs, shifting back just to smirk up at him with the most mischievous glint in his eyes. “The kisses are really nice but,” He glanced between their bodies, biting his lip at the bulge forming in Jeongguk’s pants. “I’d really love to see what you can do with your dick.”
Jeongguk was sure he almost choked to death on his own saliva. His face must be amusing, because Taehyung was bursting into a fit of giggles, fingertips tracing over the outline of his half hard cock. “Too forward?” God, no, Jeongguk wanted to say. It was sexy how shameless the singer could be, Jeongguk just happened to be ridiculously enamored.
“N-No, I just…” Jeongguk never got around to wining and dining his lover’s for the better half of his college career. Most ended as one night stands, and he was not keen on letting this be just that. “I don’t want to use you like that. I mean, you deserve more than being a stress relief. Not that I think you think you’re one, but-”
“Shh.” Taehyung bit back a laugh, finding the endless rambling rather adorable for a grown man. “Jeonggukkie, that’s technically all any of us do in life. We use people.” He pulls the hat off of him, smiling at the messy strands and attempting to flatten them out as he continues his lecture. “We use them not to be lonely. Every single one of us.” A smile. “People just hate to admit that’s what loving someone is. It doesn’t make it negative. We choose someone, and use them for our love and let ourselves be used by them for the same thing.” Taehyung’s fingers play idly with the piercings on Jeongguk’s lobe, swishing the small chain dangling back and forth. “It’s just us not wanting to be lonely the rest of our lives.” Taehyung closes the distance, this kiss deeper and littered with intent. It’s still slow, but it’s all the convincing Jeongguk needs to cave. There was no healthy way for him to admit that it left him yearning for so much more. “So,” The singer gasped, breath trembling when Jeongguk’s fingers tangled in his hair, massaging the scalp. “Let’s just shut up and use each other, yeah?”
There was something relieving about that sentence. Jeongguk was pretty open for most of his life, the type to wear his heart on his sleeve when it came to love and not deal with the consequences of that very well. People like to take advantage of that, but hearing the way Taehyung put the bond between them...it felt real. Like they were in this together, in more ways than one. “Well, when you put it like that…” He smiled, earning a sweet giggle from the other man before he was lifting from the couch, hand out and ready to lead Jeongguk back into the bedroom.
They stripped slowly on their way there, the short distance only giving Jeongguk time to appreciate Taehyung’s naked torso and the slope of lithe hips he wanted to hold forever. Taehyung all but purred in approval when he removed Jeongguk’s shirt, fingertips grazing the dips and edges of rigid muscles. They were his pride and joy, so Jeongguk was happy to know his hard work was being appreciated, or worshipped as Taehyung so lovingly put it in between their kisses and wandering hands.
“You’re so strong.” Taehyung pinched his biceps, moaning in joy when they were finally bare of all restraints, their cocks nestled against each other as Jeongguk held him close. “Can you fuck me against the wall?”
Jeongguk was never going to deny a request like that. “Y-Yeah.”
He made good on that promise later, watching in an aroused stupor as Taehyung slid up and down the wall from the harsh snap of his thrusts. His thighs were burning for a break, but hearing those erratic moans and whispers for more kept him going, angling his hips just the right way until Taehyung dug into the skin of his shoulders with a scream.
“T-There! Fuck-Gukkie…ah!”
Taehyung was tight, pleasurably so, and it was the only coherent thought Jeongguk could form right now. He buried his face in his lover’s neck, puffs of air hitting sweaty skin that tasted like salt and something uniquely Taehyung. It was perfect to him, and he locked his arms around a slim waist, pushing them further into the tapestry that hung near Taehyung’s bed. His thrusts were growing clumsy, signaling his release and if Taehyung attempting to meet every one of them was anything to go by, the singer was just as drunk on a blissed out high.
“Fuck, fuck Tae, damn…” Jeongguk panted out curses, slamming his hips up and groaning when he felt heated walls clench around his length. They were calling to him, urging him to let go but he was adamant to make the singer break first, even if it meant edging the hell out of himself to do it.
“Close, Gukkie-fuck!” Taehyung arched into him, the head of his weeping cock brushing his abdominals. The friction the last slip of his resolve and he came, crying out and clinging to Jeongguk with gritted teeth and a hum of ecstasy on his lips. The student wasn’t far behind, his body tensing up and length pumping shallowly to ride out his own orgasm.
“Holy shit.” Jeongguk sighed, staggering back to the bed and dropping them both on it, Taehyung still heavy in his arms above him. Instincts screamed at him to stay put, to bask in the afterglow but the softening of his cock made him groan, pulling out and shedding the condom to throw in the bin near them. Taehyung sloppily fell to the side, his body spent and bruised from a forceful grip that kept him pressed against the wall just like he wanted. Jeongguk had to admire those marks, the more primitive and possessive side of him hungrily taking them in.
“You’re wonderful, Gukkie.” Jeongguk finds out Taehyung is a talker after sex. Excitedly recounting the most random aspects of his day and playing with Jeongguk’s sweaty locks of hair. It’s all amusing to the student, right down to the teasing way the singer walks his fingers up Jeongguk’s sternum and up to his chin and lips, pressing into the flesh until Jeongguk kisses his fingertips. “I’m going to sleep now, Gukkie, my eyes are heavy…” He snuggles into his side moaning happily when Jeongguk slips an arm around his waist, keeping him close. “You better be here when I wake up, and not back in Korea.”
Jeongguk chuckled at his sleepy demands, petting his damp hair and kissing over the crest of his forehead. He didn’t need to respond, his touch enough to relay how easy it was for Taehyung to keep him right by his side, no questions asked. Strangely, these feelings building up should be frightening, alarm bells blaring and telling Jeongguk to run and not get his hopes up. But, in their place he just felt a cloud of peace, a sensation so new to him he had to let himself fall into it. It was, quite possibly, the only time in his life when he felt one hundred percent sure of something.
He leaned over the bed, careful with the body protected in his hold, and retrieved his cellphone. He unlocked the screen, noting the numerous missed calls and texts again urging him to come home. Jeongguk could only smile at them, fingers tapping up a reply to his father.
I am home.