Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

I.

“I can’t believe they did locker assignment randomly and I still got Kaylee,” Shelby laughs, popping the front tire of her bike off of the ground and balancing far longer than most could. “Who did you get, Alyssa?”

“Emma Nolan.”

Shelby and Kaylee both stop, and Alyssa has to brake hard to avoid riding her bike straight into them.

“What?” Alyssa blinks. “Why are you both staring at me like that?”

“I mean…” Shelby hesitates awkwardly, glancing at Kaylee.

“She’s kinda weird, ‘Lys. Remember?” Kaylee lowers her voice to a conspiratorial whisper that isn’t particularly quiet at all. “Like, watches the cheerleaders a little too closely weird.”

“…What does that mean?” Alyssa asks, ignoring the uncomfortable twist deep in her gut. “I know she takes care of the equipment for the band, so of course she’s always at the games…”

“Kaylee isn’t talking about the fact that she’s there at all,” Shelby says quietly. “She’s saying that Nolan’s… you know… not normal.”

“Oh,” is all Alyssa says.

Shelby starts peddling towards the high school again, and the other two follow. “Tough break, Alyssa.”

“Yeah,” Alyssa mumbles. “Tough break.”

+++

She finds Emma at their shared locker, fighting with the combination.

“Dammit,” Emma mumbles. She pushes her glasses up her nose, almost absentmindedly, and sighs. “Work with me here.”

“Trouble?” Alyssa asks, leaning on the locker next to theirs.

“I can’t get it to-” Emma looks up and freezes, staring at Alyssa. “Oh.”

“Oh?”

“I-I… uh… Hi.”

Alyssa smiles at her. “Hi. Did you have a good summer?”

“Yeah, I guess. Didn’t have to try to open any lockers.” Emma gives her a crooked grin, and Alyssa feels that uncomfortable twist again. “I swear I’m putting it in right, but it’s not working.”

“You’re putting in 2-17-29, right?”

“Ye-” Emma stops and sighs again. “No. I was doing 2-29-17.”

Alyssa giggles and pats her on the shoulder, moving her out of the way gently so she can open the lock. “That would do it.”

Emma lets her head fall against the locker she’s leaning on. “I’m still on summer brain. Should be promising.”

“If it’s any consolation, I’m right there with you.” Alyssa opens the door of the locker and points at the shelves. “Do you want the top or the bottom?”

“Up to you.”

“I asked you first.”

“And I asked you second.”

Alyssa rolls her eyes and slides her afternoon textbooks onto the lower shelf. “Fine. I’m shorter than you, so I’ll use the bottom one.”

“Aw. That’s what I wanted.”

Alyssa turns to glare at her, but she sees a sharp glint of humor in Emma’s eyes.

“Well, that’s just too bad, Nolan. It’s mine now.”

Emma stretches over her and puts her own books on the top shelf. “I didn’t realize you’d be so demanding, Alyssa Greene.”

“I can be whatever I want to be.”

Emma lets out a soft laugh. “Yeah, you sure can.”

II.

Emma stands next to the bleachers in a red polo shirt, casually watching the cheerleaders perform at halftime.

Well. Watching Alyssa perform at halftime.

…Watching Alyssa’s legs at halfti-

The shove hits her hard in the center of her back, and she only just barely stays on her feet as she turns around.

A few of the boys from the hockey team are standing there, glaring at her. Shelby’s boyfriend, Kevin, is towards the back of the group. There’s discomfort in his eyes, but, if he’s at all uncertain about what’s happening here, she knows he won’t say anything.

Nobody ever does.

The boy who shoved her, the team captain, an unfairly large senior named Frank, towers over her.

“No big surprises here,” he sneers. “The sophomore freak is right where we’d expect. Lusting over the cheerleaders.”

Emma swallows. “Wow, Frank. I didn’t know you knew big words like ‘lusting’ and ‘sophomore’.”

He grabs her by the collar of her shirt and slams her against one of the supports of the bleachers. “We all know what you are. You aren’t fooling anybody. Why don’t you just admit it?”

“I-I don’t know what you-”

“Just say it, freak. Admit it. Tell us alllll what you really are, say it out loud, and it’ll be so much easier.”

It occurs to her, then, that someone is recording this, because a handful of idiot hockey players who already pretty much know that she’s gay forcing her to say it isn’t going to change much of anything.

She spots the phone in the hands of one of the juniors, and all it does is piss her off.

“Fuck you. You don’t know a damn thing.”

Frank’s eyes narrow in anger, and he pulls a fist back, ready to punch her. “This is your very last chance, freak. Say it.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

She braces herself for the inevitable blow, but before it can come, a sharp voice yells, “Hey!”

They all turn in time to see the principal, Mr. Hawkins, hurrying down the ramp from the bleachers.

“What is going on down here?!”

Frank drops Emma and scatters with the rest of the boys. Emma goes to run, too, but Hawkins grabs her by the collar as she’s getting up off the ground.

“Miss Nolan,” he says, his voice stern. “What is going on? What was that?”

The cheerleaders have come off the field during the confrontation, and she can see them on the sidelines, watching her.

Alyssa is squinting, a frown on her face, looking almost concerned.

“N-Nothing, sir,” Emma stammers. “We were just talking.”

“…Talking.”

“Yes, sir.”

“That’s what you want me to believe?”

“If it’ll work, sir.”

He softens as he releases the collar of her shirt. “Emma,” he murmurs. “You know you can tell me if something’s wrong, don’t you?”

She brushes some dirt off of her jeans. “Everything’s fine.” She glances over at Alyssa, a mistake when they make eye contact.

She feels queasy all of a sudden, tears trying to betray her, and she shakes her head quickly. “I have to go get something from the band room.”

Emma turns and hurries away, ignoring whatever question Mr. Hawkins tries to ask.

+++

Alyssa opens the door of the music room and steps inside, closing it behind her quietly.

She can see Emma standing on the other side of the room, hands and forehead pressed against the concrete wall, her shoulders shaking.

“Nolan?”

There’s a sigh that sounds more like a sob, and Emma says, “What are you doing here, Greene? You’re supposed to be out there. You still have half a game left.”

Alyssa pauses, sliding her hands into the pockets of her jeans. “Nolan, the game’s over. You’ve been in here for almost an hour.”

“Oh.” Emma gives a choked laugh. “Amazing how that time flies, huh?”

“I was worried when you didn’t come back, so I came to find you.” Alyssa walks forward, reaching to set a hand on Emma’s shoulder before hesitating and letting her arm fall back down to her side. “You looked…” She swallows, the brief flashes that she had been able to see of the hockey team pinning her lockermate to the bleachers burned into her brain. Her voice drops to a whisper. “Do you want to tell me what Frank and the others wanted from you?”

Emma pushes off of the wall and turns, and Alyssa feels a sharp pain in her heart at the fear and agony in her eyes. “Does it matter?” she asks. “Why do I even need to say it? You all already know, Greene, don’t pretend that you don’t.”

Realization sinks through her, a heavy weight that takes her stomach with it.

“You’re gay,” Alyssa murmurs.

Emma nods slowly. “I-I… I-I-I… I’m… I-I’m… I’m…” She takes in a deep breath and finishes in a whisper. “…gay…”

She slides down until she’s sitting on the floor, her knees pulled up to her chest, crying so hard she’s almost hyperventilating.

Alyssa drops down onto her knees in front of her, cupping her face in her hands. “Nolan. It’s okay,” she says gently. “It’s gonna be okay.” She’s not sure what drives her to do it, but she presses a soft kiss to Emma’s forehead, then rests their heads together. “Shh,” she whispers. “It’s okay. I’m not going to tell anyone.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Emma whimpers. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this.”

Alyssa clears her throat to try to keep her voice from wavering. “You don’t need to fix it. Okay? Listen to me. Emma, look at me.” She lifts Emma’s face, bringing them eye to eye. “I promise you. Those idiots out there are just idiots. There is nothing wrong with you.”

Emma’s breathing starts to calm, and she rests her head back against the wall. “Why are you okay with this?” she asks, sounding exhausted. “Aren’t you afraid that I’ll… I dunno. Whatever it is everyone else is afraid of.”

“I’m definitely not afraid of you. You’re just human.” Alyssa shrugs. “Besides. If you didn’t find me at least a little hot, I should probably be offended, right?”

Emma blinks at her, confused.

Alyssa laughs awkwardly and stands up, turning away with a wince. “So, uh, anyway, I need to get going before my mom starts wondering where I am. Are you okay?”

“Better now,” Emma replies, still giving her a curious look.

“Right. Well. I’ll see you in school on Monday.”

“…Okay. Thank you, Greene.”

“Sure. Of course.” Alyssa gives a small, nervous wave, then hurries out of the room.

III.

Christmas break lands during a week of rampant snowstorms.

Alyssa lays in the snow in front of the firepit in Kaylee’s backyard, enjoying the warmth as Shelby chases Kaylee clumsily in the knee-deep snow. She grabs Kaylee around the waist and spins her a few times, laughing, before they both tumble down into a snowbank.

Alyssa catches herself wondering, not for the first time, whether either of them has ever noticed how they look at each other.

The sound of a different laughter draws her attention, and Alyssa gets to her feet, wandering over to the fence.

She’s known forever that Emma lives next to Kaylee, but it still catches her off guard to see her, dressed poorly for the weather in jeans, sneakers, and a relatively thin coat, running around the yard next door, having a snowball fight with her cousin.

Emma notices her and stops, staring just a little stupidly, and a snowball catches her right in the side of the face.

Alyssa snorts out a laugh and covers her mouth with a gloved hand as Emma splutters and adjusts her glasses.

“Timeout,” she gasps. “Timeout. Jesus, Greg, give me a minute.”

He jumps up onto a patio chair and poses dramatically. “There are no timeouts! Only forfeits!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Emma walks over to the fence, pushing her glasses up on her nose. “Hi, Greene.”

“Hey. Sorry to make you forfeit.”

“He would’ve won anyway. I’m not exactly athletic.”

Alyssa laughs. “Yeah, why do you think I’m avoiding the disaster that’s going on behind me?”

Emma rolls her eyes and lets out a snort. “Oh, please. I’ve seen your abs and I’ve seen you do a backflip. You’re not going to pull that one on me, Greene.” She pauses, her whole face flushing red. “I-I… I mean…”

That uncomfortable twist is back in Alyssa’s stomach again.

She got it when she first met Emma, and she’s gotten it a few times since, whenever Emma is being particularly cute or a little bit flirty.

She got it once back in seventh grade, too, far weaker but still there, when Shelby convinced her to be her practice for kissing before Shelby’s first ever date with Kevin.

She thinks she knows what it means.

She’s not sure she wants to.

Alyssa laughs, trying to keep Emma from panicking. “Yeah, well, just because I stay in shape doesn’t mean I like doing it.”

“Huh. Do you do anything for fun, Greene?”

“Depends, Nolan, what do you- shit!” Alyssa yelps as Emma takes the snowball she’s still holding in her hand and taps it down on the top of Alyssa’s head. “Oh my God!”

Emma shrugs. “You looked like you needed some fun.”

“You…” Alyssa looks behind her, where Shelby has Kaylee on her shoulders so she can pluck icicles off of one of the trees. “Hey, guys, I’ll be back in a minute, I just need to go kill my lockermate.”

Kaylee gives her a weird look, but Shelby barely even reacts as she says, “Just be back before dinner; Kaylee’s mom won’t feed us if we aren’t all here.”

Alyssa puts her foot on the center support of the wooden fence and hops over, landing in front of Emma in the yard. Emma takes a few steps back, raising her hands in front of her.

“Hey, I’m just trying to be helpful, Greene.”

“You’re still a dead man, Nolan.”

“Look-”

Greg dumps an entire armful of snow on top of Emma’s head, then shoves her towards Alyssa. “She’s all yours,” he giggles before sprinting away towards the front gate.

Emma rounds towards him, coughing. “You-”

Alyssa hits her in the back of the head with a snowball.

Emma pauses, visibly shivering as some of the snow and slush drips down beneath her jacket. She turns to face Alyssa, eyes narrow. “Oh. It’s on now, Greene.”

“I would love to see you try.”

Emma runs at Alyssa, stumbling in the deep snow. Alyssa laughs and dodges out of the way, and they chase each other around the yard.

IV.

Emma grins as she watches Alyssa spin down the hall, goofing off and singing with Kaylee and Shelby as they head to class.

Greg joins her, putting an arm around her shoulders. “Why don’t you just go talk to them? The only way you make friends is by talking to people, Em.”

“Uh, yeah, I’ll pass. Besides, I was Kaylee’s friend once. It didn’t go well.”

“What, because she became a cheerleader and you became a moody guitarist?”

Emma shrugs. “Something like that.”

He rubs her arm and kisses her on the side of the head. “I just worry about you.”

“I’m fine, Greg. Everything is great.”

“Promise you’ll come over to Gram’s if it ever isn’t?”

Emma gives him a hesitant grin and nods. “I promise.”

V.

Spring break hits just as hard as Christmas, with a heatwave replacing the blizzards.

Alyssa stands in Kaylee’s backyard in shorts and a tanktop, waiting for Shelby to give up on her argument with the umbrella over the table.

“How does this thing even work?” Shelby grumbles as it snaps closed, almost taking her hand with it.

“And you’re the one who’s going to be my biggest competition in our year for valedictorian,” Alyssa says with a sigh, shaking her head.

Shelby snorts. “There isn’t a class for using broken table umbrellas.”

Alyssa smirks and hooks her thumbs in her belt loops. “Yeah, but still, your all-A’s aren’t the same as mine.”

“How’s that?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s cheating to take Spanish for a high school grade when you’re bilingual.”

Shelby flips her off lazily.

Before Alyssa can come up with a response, she hears shouting from next door. She and Shelby both look over in time to see the back door slam open as Emma is dragged out of her house, her father holding her roughly by the collar of her shirt.

Alyssa’s heart drops as Mr. Nolan practically throws Emma forward, sending her tumbling into the dirt and grass. He’s screaming at her so loudly that Alyssa can’t even understand what he’s saying, but she hears Emma’s response, choked and defiant, as clear as if she was standing right next to her.

“Yeah. Well, I don’t really care what you think, asshole.”

Mr. Nolan stares down at her for a moment, looking furious, then reaches down and grabs her by the front of her button-down and pulls her back up onto her feet.

Panic surges through Alyssa, and she looks over at Shelby, who seems stunned speechless.

The words leave Alyssa’s lips before she even realizes she’s thought of them. “Stop it!”

Mr. Nolan looks up and sees them, and the change in his face when he realizes he has an audience makes Alyssa go cold despite the hot sun.

He smiles broadly and drops Emma back onto the ground, casually straightening his shirt. “Good afternoon, Alyssa, Shelby! Beautiful weather despite the heat, isn’t it? I hope you’re enjoying it!” He looks down at Emma and quietly snarls something, then turns and stomps back into the house.

“Go get Kaylee,” Alyssa murmurs to Shelby before going over to the fence and climbing over it.

Emma is still on the ground, and as Alyssa gets closer, she can see that she’s shaking.

Alyssa crouches down next to her and sets a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Emma. Look at me.”

She turns, and her eyes are a little glassy, like the shock is starting to settle in. “Alyssa,” she murmurs.

There’s a bruise forming around her eye and a cut underneath it, as if her glasses dug in before bending. She has blood on her lip, too, and a scrape along her jaw, and it makes Alyssa’s heart ache.

“What happened?” she whispers.

“They found out,” Emma rasps, still looking dazed. “They… They found out about… you know… me…” She pauses, her brow furrowing. “He threw me out.”

“I know. I saw.”

“No. Not that.” Emma shakes her head slowly. “He said I had to pack a bag and leave.”

“Where are you supposed to go?”

“…My Gram’s, I guess.”

“Alyssa, what the hell is going on?” Shelby demands as she and Kaylee hop over the fence and join them.

Emma’s not looking at her anymore, staring off at nothing as reality sinks in.

Alyssa looks up at Shelby and Kaylee, pleading. “We need to get her inside to get her stuff. We need to call her grandmother.”

Kaylee is frowning, but her eyes soften when she sees the bruises on Emma’s face. “I’ll go get some ice. Shelby, can you help Alyssa?”

“Of course.”

As Kaylee goes back to her own yard, Shelby steps over to the other side of Emma. “Come on, Nolan. Up you get.”

She and Alyssa each take one of Emma’s arms and pull her up, pausing only when Emma takes in a sharp breath. Once Emma is standing, Alyssa pulls up her shirt to see a thick bruise on her side.

“Jesus,” Alyssa mutters. “Emma, we need to-”

“I just want to leave, Alyssa,” Emma whispers. “Please just let me leave.”

They hear a car start up, and Shelby walks to the front gate. “Your parents are going out, Nolan. They’re not in the house. Let’s just get your stuff and go.”

Alyssa grips Emma’s shoulder, steadying her when she lets out a soft sob and wavers on her feet. “Come on. We’ll get you out of here. It’s time to go.”

VI.

Emma sees Alyssa once over the summer between sophomore and junior year.

She’s walking to the food store to get bread for her grandmother when Alyssa walks out of the local ice cream shop with a milkshake.

“Oh. Hey, Greene.”

“Hi, Nolan.” Alyssa pauses and glances down at the milkshake. “Don’t tell my mother I’m drinking this.”

Emma snorts. “God forbid you enjoy something.”

She swears she sees Alyssa glance down at her lips as she says, “Everything good is forbidden. Isn’t that how it always works?”

“I… suppose so.”

“That’s life, I guess.” Alyssa winks at her and continues walking, leaving Emma standing on the sidewalk.

Emma pauses, confused, before mumbling, “What the fuck just happened?”

VII.

The school decides to keep the same locker assignments year after year, which is fine by Alyssa. Emma is relatively neat and keeps her things to her own space, and she’s nice to talk to when they bump into each other.

It does, however, have its issues.

The slurs spray-painted onto the red metal hit Alyssa deep in that hidden part of her heart, the part that she won’t let out, even though she knows they aren’t directed at her.

“I’m sorry,” Emma says through gritted teeth, standing next to her with trembling fists. “I’m so sorry, Greene. This is my-”

“Don’t you dare say that this is your fault, Nolan.”

“Hey, freak, do you like the painting?” One of the football boys, Colton, walks up to them with a sneer. “Sorry to do it to you too, Alyssa, but somebody had to take one for the benefit of all.”

“Yeah, because this is a real benefit,” Alyssa says dryly.

Colton narrows his eyes at her. “Better be careful. She might infect you.”

Alyssa feels like she’s going to be sick, but before she can answer, she feels Emma move next to her.

“If you say anything like that to her again, dickhead, you’ll regret it.”

Colton snorts and takes a few steps towards Emma. “Aw, defending the girl you’ve been staring at during all the football games? How sweet.”

Alyssa glances over and sees Emma’s jaw tense. “It’s not her fault she has to share a locker with me,” Emma murmurs. “It is, however, entirely your fault that you’re a brainless waste of air. What’s the rumor going around? You’ve never once actually satisfied a girlfriend? If anybody’s going to convince a girl to try getting pleasure from another girl, you’re doing well enough all on your own.”

Colton stares at her for a long moment as Alyssa covers her mouth to hide her laugh.

The laugh vanishes as Colton grabs Emma by her shirt, slamming her up against the lockers. Colton’s first punch lands just below Emma’s ribs, hard enough to knock the air out of her, but she manages to get in a punch of her own straight to Colton’s face.

“Jesus, stop it, both of you!” Alyssa tries to get in between them, but Colton is in a rage and Emma is scrappier than she looks, apparently, because she’s in a fight with a football player and she’s the less bloody of the two.

“That is enough!”

Hawkins enters the hallway and pulls Colton and Emma apart. He glares at both of them and says, “Fighting? In the middle of the hall? I expected much more from you, Miss Nolan.” He rolls his eyes. “I expected exactly this from Mr. Trace.”

“I-It wasn’t her fault, Mr. Hawkins,” Alyssa says quietly, looking away as his gaze shifts to her.

“Shut the hell up, Greene,” Colton snarls.

Hawkins’ eyes glance briefly over at the vandalized locker, and his eyes narrow slightly. “It’s alright, Alyssa. I have things handled here. Just go to class.”

Alyssa stares at Emma for a moment, worried, then walks away.

+++

Emma walks out of school a while after the day has ended with her hands in her pockets and her head bowed.

“Are you okay?”

She looks up at the sound of Alyssa’s voice, and she’s not sure what to think when she falls into step beside her as they walk around to the bike racks at the back of the school.

“I’m fine. I got a lot of detention, but Hawkins didn’t suspend me because I didn’t throw the first punch and, well, the locker thing was pretty clearly provocation.”

“You didn’t need to do that,” Alyssa says softly. “Stand up for me.”

“I’m why you’re even involved in this shit. The least I can do is try to keep you as far out of it as I can.”

Alyssa rubs her back, and Emma tries not to blush at the contact. “You don’t deserve the shit either. You know that, right?”

“I dunno,” Emma murmurs. “Maybe I do. What if they’re right, Alyssa, I mean-”

“They’re not right, Emma,” Alyssa insists, and there’s a desperate anger in her voice that catches Emma by surprise. “They can’t be right, okay? They’re not.”

Emma’s brow furrows as she stops walking, a small spark in the back of her mind like she should be getting something but she isn’t. “Alyssa, it’s alright.”

“No. It’s not.”

She sounds like she’s about to cry, and Emma grabs her by the arm before she can walk away. “Alyssa,” she says gently. “Hold on. What’s wrong?”

Alyssa stands there for a moment, tears in her eyes, looking scared and confused.

Emma frowns. “Look, you can-”

Her words are cut off as Alyssa suddenly grabs her and kisses her full on the mouth.

“I-I’m sorry,” Alyssa stammers, backing away with fear overtaking every other emotion on her face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

She turns and runs, not even taking her bike off of the rack.

Emma just stands there, stunned into silence.

IIX.

Her feelings are too confusing and complicated for her to understand.

She can’t be gay. She can’t be.

But she knows that she is.

She knows she is, because she’s never felt even the smallest shred of interest in a boy, but Emma Nolan…

Alyssa can’t pinpoint the exact moment it happened. She just. Started falling for Emma Nolan.

She thinks she knows when the dial clicked in her brain, over from ‘casual attraction’ to ‘actual interest’.

It was nothing, really, in the grand scheme of things. A chocolate bar left on top of her books on her shelf, with a note telling her to have fun for once, that it was their secret.

Just one brief interaction that wasn’t even face to face.

And here she was, falling for Emma Nolan.

Alyssa groans and lies back on her bed, covering her face with her hands.

“Oh, God, I kissed her,” she whispers. “I kissed her.”

She knew there was no way to take it back.

IX.

Emma waits for Alyssa to talk to her. She waits, and waits, and waits, and all she gets is avoidance. She can understand it. Truly, she might be the only person in their school who can truly understand it.

But frustration overtakes her eventually.

When she gets an opportunity, after a cheer practice, she grabs Alyssa by the arm and pulls her into the concession stand building near the football field.

“What are you doing?” Alyssa asks, her voice a low hiss. She pauses and looks around. “How did you even get in here?”

“Greg works here during the games; I stole the keys from his room. I’ll put them back before he notices.” Emma waves a hand dismissively. “That doesn’t matter right now. We need to talk eventually, Greene.” She folds her arms across her chest and leans against one of the brick wall. “You know me well enough to know that I’m not going to tell anyone… whatever that was. But I’d really like to have at least some idea, just for myself?”

There’s a cycle of emotions on Alyssa’s face, panic and denial and just a tiny bit of hope.

“I-I don’t know,” Alyssa stammers. Her voice wavers, and she looks away. “I have no idea why I did that.”

“…None?”

Alyssa visibly swallows.

“Look, Greene, I’m not trying to push anything on you, okay? We all do things in panics, or when we’re frustrated. I just… I’m confused.”

“So am I,” Alyssa whispers, soft enough that Emma almost doesn’t hear her. “God, I’ve been so confused for so long.”

Emma takes a few steps forward. “What about?”

Alyssa’s gaze lifts, and Emma’s taken aback by the emotion in it. “…You.”

“Me?” Emma blinks. “What did I do?”

“I don’t know.” Alyssa laughs. “That’s the thing. I don’t know. I know I was… d-different. Before I met you, Nolan. But now, I…”

Emma swallows, her heartbeat going rapid. “Greene, what are you saying?”

“I’m… oh, screw it.” Alyssa closes the gap between them, putting her hands on Emma’s shoulders and pulling her into another kiss.

Emma’s mind goes blank. She freezes, Alyssa’s lips on hers, until they separate and she can see the guilty, wild look in Alyssa’s eyes.

“I-I’m sorry,” she stammers. “I’m sorry. I just. I can’t. I don’t. I’m not. I don’t know what…”

“Alyssa,” Emma says, low and gentle.

“What?”

Emma reaches up and sets her palm against Alyssa’s cheek, softly stroking her thumb against her skin. Alyssa’s eyes flutter closed at the touch, and she lets out a quiet, strained sigh.

“You don’t need to apologize to me.”

Alyssa’s eyes open again, and there’s a hopeful heat in them that makes Emma shudder. “I like you, Emma,” she admits.

“I like you, too. And now that I’m starting to get over the initial shock of you liking me back, can I kiss you properly?”

Alyssa laughs, and it’s a sound that, to Emma, sounds like she’s releasing months – if not years – of pent up stress. “I really hope you do.”

She’s not sure which of them moves first, but the next moment that Emma breathes is a gasp in the middle of kissing Alyssa Greene.

She intended for it to be a regular first real kiss, something slow and a little awkward and gentle.

Instead, her hands are tangled in Alyssa’s hair, Alyssa’s fingers are gripping at her back, their tongues are already memorizing every inch of each other’s mouth, and if they take one more step towards the door Emma is fairly certain she might mindlessly pin Alyssa against it with her hips.

They take one more step towards the door.

“Oh, God,” Alyssa whimpers as she breaks away to gasp for air.

Emma rests her hands against the door on either side of Alyssa’s head. “Jesus,” she mumbles. “Fuck. I’m sorry; my brain shut down.”

She has half a mind to pull away, but Alyssa’s hands are clenched firmly on two of her belt loops, holding her in place.

“I need to go. Or my mom will start wondering why I’m not home from practice yet,” Alyssa says, still breathless.

“Okay.”

“Five minutes?”

Emma laughs. “Absolutely.”

X.

Alyssa opens her textbook to do her pre-calculus homework while her mother is at work and finds a small note tucked into the page where her homework starts.

‘What do you want us to be? No pressure on any answer. We don’t have to be anything if you don’t want it, Alyssa Greene.’

Scrawled at the bottom is a phone number, and Alyssa realizes immediately whose it is.

She picks up her cellphone and puts the number in, under ‘E’.

Her mother hasn’t liked Emma Nolan since the day her parents threw her out, and, even though Mrs. Greene has never gone through Alyssa’s phone – yet – she has no interest in tempting fate.

Then, on impulse, she taps on the new contact and puts the phone up to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Uh… Hi. Emma?”

“Alyssa?”

God help her, Emma actually sounds surprised.

“Yeah. I got your note.”

“O-Oh. Right. Well, I knew you’d be doing the pre-calc too, so I just… took a gamble, I guess.”

Alyssa hesitates, taking in a slow breath. “Emma. I’m… I’m gay.”

There’s a pause on the other end of the line. “Well. I was sort of hoping that you at least weren’t straight.”

Alyssa laughs, strained and stressed.

Emma’s voice goes soft, and it makes Alyssa’s heart skip. “That’s the first time you’ve said it, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Alyssa whispers. “Yes, it is.”

“How does it feel?”

“Scary. Good. Like the biggest relief I’ve ever felt.”

“It’s funny like that.” Emma takes in a quiet, audible breath. “I’m glad you were able to tell me. I know how big of a deal that is, Alyssa.”

“Of course I would tell you,” Alyssa murmurs. “I… I want you, Emma. I don’t know how to do it. I-I’m not… I can’t actually… come out. I can’t tell my mother. I-I don’t… It’s not that…”

“Alyssa. It’s okay. I understand, believe me.”

“But I still…” Alyssa pinches the bridge of her nose and closes her eyes. “God, Emma, I still want you. I just don’t know how to have you.”

“We could… We could hide it?”

“Hide it how?”

“Like… meeting in that annex above the library at lunch sometimes? You could maybe tell your mom you were going out with Shelby and Kaylee a few times and we could go somewhere to talk and just be together for a while. We could sneak under the bleachers for a few minutes after your practices. Or like maybe you could do your homework over here? My grandmother won’t mind, and you know we could swear Greg to secrecy. We don’t even have to tell him why you’re really coming over.”

Alyssa clutches her phone tightly, pressing it closer against her ear. “Do you really think that could work?”

“I think it would be worth trying. Do you?”

“I think I’d be willing to try anything for that chance.”

Emma laughs softly. “Alright then, Alyssa. Let’s do this.”

“Does it mean…” Alyssa clears her throat awkwardly. “Never mind.”

“What is it? It’s okay.”

“Would that make you my…” Her voice drops to a hoarse squeak. “…my girlfriend?”

There’s so much affection in Emma’s tone that it makes Alyssa’s heart ache. “Yes, Alyssa. If that’s what you want us to be, that would make us girlfriends.”

“Oh,” Alyssa whispers. “Well. That’s… That’s good. Uhm. I-I’d like that a lot.”

“So would I.”

“Good.” Alyssa lets out a laugh and rests her head in her free hand. “Oh, God. I’ve never wanted something like this before. I don’t know how to do it.”

“That’s alright. All we need to be is us.”

“I think that will be easy,” Alyssa replies, staring at the note in front of her and smiling. “All you have to be is you.”

XI.

Above the library, forgotten by most of the student body, is a small study room for groups doing student projects that require them to talk and make noise that would otherwise disrupt the library’s required silence.

Alyssa sneaks up to the spot at lunch, like she has at least twice a week for so many weeks she has lost count.

(Three weeks exactly as of yesterday if going by the day Emma pulled her into the concession stand after a cheer practice, but really, seriously, who was keeping count.)

Emma is sitting on the floor instead of a chair, her brow furrowed cutely, frowning at her chemistry textbook.

“If I make a joke about us having good chemistry, will it make that adorable little line between your eyes go away?”

Emma laughs and looks up, and Alyssa decides that the way her hazel eyes sparkle a little when she looks at her is far better anyway. “Hi. Sorry. I wasn’t sure if you were coming today, so I was trying to do some homework.”

“Yeah, it took a minute to get away. Shelby was rambling about some new flip Kaylee figured out how to do.”

“Hm.” Emma shakes her head. “Whatever. What’s today? Debate, right?”

“Yeah.” Alyssa sits down next to her. “I don’t want to go. I want to stay here.”

“I think someone would notice eventually, babe.”

“No fair.” Alyssa presses a kiss to the underside of Emma’s jaw. “I’d have more fun with you than I do there.”

Emma shivers and leans her head back, tossing her textbook aside. “You make great arguments.”

“That’s why I’m in debate.” Alyssa climbs into Emma’s lap and trails a line of gentle kisses down her neck.

A soft groan slips from Emma’s throat. “Alyssa,” she whispers. “How long do we have?”

“Half hour, give or take,” she mumbles.

“Can I kiss you?”

Alyssa laughs against Emma’s skin. “The whole time?”

“I would be such a burden, but I think I would survive.”

“Well, if you insist.” Alyssa pulls back for a moment, grinning at the dazed adoration in Emma’s eyes, then tugs her in to kiss her hard on the mouth.

XII.

They ride out to an old abandoned boat launch on the lake, rarely visited in the middle of the week in January.

Emma sits down in the dying grass, looking out at the water. She smiles when Alyssa sits next to her and threads their hands together.

“It’s peaceful back here,” Alyssa murmurs. “I think sometimes I forget what peaceful is. Everything is always moving. Cheer, debate, homework, student council… It’s a mess.”

Emma leans over and presses a kiss to Alyssa’s temple. “Any time things get busy, you can text me. You know that, right? Even if I can’t help, you can just talk to me.”

“Thank you.” Alyssa rests her fingers under Emma’s chin and kisses her slowly. “You do make me feel better. No matter how bad I’m feeling.”

“You do the same for me.”

Alyssa scoffs out a laugh. “Hardly. I wish I could do more. I hate the way they treat you. Even Kaylee and Shelby… They know what happened when your parents found out, and they still…”

“It’s hard to unlearn shit. It’s not an excuse, but it’s still hard.”

“Regardless. I’m so sorry that I’m so useless.”

Emma chuckles quietly and kisses her. “You’re never useless, Alyssa. I would never expect you to do something that would out you just to protect me. I’ve been handling it long enough.”

Alyssa rests her head against Emma’s. “It just doesn’t seem fair. We’re both like this, and you’re the only one who has to pay for it.”

“Hey.” Emma takes Alyssa’s face in her hands. “Don’t you remember what you told me once? There isn’t anything to fix here, ‘Lys. We’re us. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it, and there’s absolutely nothing that we deserve to pay for. I promise you, baby.”

“Coming from you, I think I actually believe that.”

“Good. You should.”

Alyssa turns a bit and leans back, resting against Emma and letting her wrap her arms around her. They watch the gentle motion of the lake, coats pulled tight around each of them in the cold afternoon air.

“Emma?” Alyssa says in a whisper.

“Yeah?”

“I… I think I lo-” She falters, embarrassed, and changes course. “I really, really like you.”

Emma’s laugh comes as a soft breath against her ear, and she kisses her cheek, gentle and understanding. “I think I really, really like you, too.”

XIII.

All Alyssa really knows is that she’s not sure she’ll ever be able to watch the Oscars again.

They’re boring anyway, and neither she nor Emma is really paying attention, so it’s a natural decision to forget the program entirely and make out on the couch in Emma’s house.

She made up an excuse to her mother, something that allows her to stay out late enough without suspicion, she might have used the ‘I’ve never let my grades slip’ card.

Because the thing is, Betsy and Greg are away visiting a college, and she and Emma can spend time alone without fear of being caught.

…That was, at least, the idea.

Emma pushes forward, just a little, and Alyssa lies down on the couch, bringing Emma with her. It’s a slow kiss, deep and long and intimate, and it’s not the type of heat they’re really used to, but it’s real.

Alyssa’s fingers toy with the hem of Emma’s t-shirt, hesitant and curious, and she tugs a bit in question. “Emma,” she whispers. “I want to take this off of you. I want to see more of you.”

Emma blinks at her and nods. “Okay,” she says, a little hoarse. She sits back on her heels and waits, patient, for Alyssa to confirm that this is what she really wants to do.

There’s hardly any pause before Alyssa is sitting up too, gripping Emma’s shirt and pulling it over her head.

“Jesus,” Alyssa murmurs.

“Is-” Whatever the question is breaks off in a choke in Emma’s throat as Alyssa leans down and trails open-mouthed kisses down her collarbone. “Fuck, Alyssa.” She leans back until she’s the one lying down, her hand going to Alyssa’s hair. “I-I want…” She gaps softly as Alyssa’s lips dare lower. “Oh, God.”

Alyssa moves down even lower, pressing a kiss to Emma’s stomach. “What do you want?” she murmurs against Emma’s skin.

“Can I see you, too?”

“Of course you can.” Alyssa pulls off her sweater and drops it onto the floor next to Emma’s shirt.

Emma stares at her, jaw slack, her eyes unsure of where exactly to look first. Her hands decide to skim lightly up Alyssa’s sides, from her hips to the edge of her bra.

Alyssa shudders and closes her eyes. “Emma,” she whispers.

There’s a tension in the room, one Emma isn’t used to, and she tries to ease it a bit by saying, “Your abs are even better up close, if you were wondering.”

Alyssa pauses and takes in a slow breath. “That’s good to know,” she murmurs.

Emma cups Alyssa’s face and pulls her down to kiss her again.

The volume is on the television and they’re both blocking it out and their focus is on each other and they don’t hear the front door opening.

“Holy shit!”

“Gregory, language… oh my.”

Alyssa lets out a sharp yelp and falls off of the couch, almost hitting her head on the table on the way down. She scrambles for a shirt and grabs Emma’s, covering herself with it as she shoots a panicked look at her girlfriend.

Emma is still lying on the couch, still half-dressed, staring blankly at her cousin and her grandmother. “I-I… I thought you said… you’d be back tomorrow,” she stammers.

“The one place was lame so we left early.” Greg points slowly at Alyssa. “Uhm. Is. Are. What’s… Why is Alyssa Greene half-naked in the living room?”

Alyssa feels her face go hot, and she tries to come up with some sort of answer, but before she can Betsy smacks Greg’s arm.

“Go put your things away and stop staring.”

He blinks for a moment longer before bolting up the stairs with his bag.

Emma, seemingly coming back to her senses, sits up slowly. “Gram,” she whispers. “I can explain.”

Betsy takes a few steps into the living room and picks up the remote, turning the television off. She clasps her hands in front of her, a neutral expression on her face. “I don’t think there’s much to explain, Emma. I saw what I saw.”

Every fear that’s been running rampant through Alyssa spikes to the front at once, and she tugs Emma’s shirt over her head before stumbling to her feet. “Please,” she begs. “Please, Mrs. Nolan, please. I-I… you… you can’t… I…” Her breathing picks up, it’s too much, it’s too soon, and suddenly Emma is on her feet and holding her.

“Hey. Hey, baby, it’s okay. It’s alright.” Emma’s hands run up and down her back, soothing. “You’re okay.”

They just stand there, quiet, until Alyssa feels her breathing return to normal. She buries her face against Emma’s throat and sobs out, “I’m not ready.”

“You don’t need to be.” Emma cups her face in her hands and lets their eyes meet. “Baby, I promise, you don’t need to be.”

Betsy clears her throat softly. “Emma, could you go put on a shirt?”

“Oh, I-I…” Alyssa blushes more. “I’m sorry, I took hers, I’ll-”

She holds up a hand. “It’s fine, dear. Emma has plenty of t-shirts. Emma, go change.”

Emma pauses just a moment, giving Alyssa a comforting squeeze of the hand, then she jogs up the stairs.

“So it’s you, then.”

Alyssa looks up at Betsy, her hands fidgeting nervously with the bottom of Emma’s shirt. “What?”

Betsy gives her a warm smile. “Emma has been different these past few months. Happier. It’s because of you, isn’t it?”

“I-I… I would like to hope so, ma’am.”

“Why are you keeping it a secret?”

Alyssa swallows, and her voice drops to a hoarse whisper. “No one but Emma knows I’m gay.”

Her heart is pounding, fear is starting to close off her throat, and Betsy is silently studying her. She feels like she’s about to pass out when Betsy reaches out and sets a hand on her shoulder.

“No one inside this house is going to say anything until you’re ready. I promise you.”

Alyssa surges forward and hugs her, tears falling. “Thank you,” she whimpers. “Thank you.”

“You never need to thank me for that,” Betsy says gently, patting her on the back. “Just don’t ever let me catch you and my granddaughter on my couch kissing without your clothes on again.”

Alyssa pulls out of the hug and gives her a sheepish smile. “Yes, ma’am.”

XIV.

The July heat is driving Emma insane, for two completely separate reasons – the oppressive humidity that chokes her and makes her hair curl even more, and the short clothes her girlfriend is wearing whenever she can get out of the house in them without her mother noticing.

“Not to sound like one of the dumbasses we go to school with,” she says as Alyssa climbs into the passenger seat of her truck in shorts and a form-fitting t-shirt that’s showing off just a little bit of her stomach, “but damn.”

Alyssa giggles and kisses her, quick and chaste. “You’re looking good, too. The short-sleeved button-down? Yes please.”

Emma grins at her and starts the truck down the thin road away from Alyssa’s part of town. “What’s the cover story for today?”

“Training session to keep in shape for cheer.”

“Oh, does that mean you’ll be in your uniform?” Emma asks mildly, a small smirk on her face. She pauses and blushes. “Sorry. That just slipped out.”

Alyssa leans over and kisses her cheek. “Don’t be sorry. The only time I’ve ever been comfortable with people really looking at me in that uniform is when it’s been you.”

“If you want, I can look even more. I mean, it’ll be a true sacrifice, but I would do that for you.”

Alyssa laughs, loud and carefree, and when she leans back in her seat she says, “God, I love you.”

Emma slams on the brakes as her brain blanks out. She looks over at Alyssa, who is blushing and trying not to look at her. “I… What did you just say?”

Alyssa swallows and meets her gaze slowly, and Emma is struck by the emotion in her eyes. “I love you, Emma Nolan.”

Emma lifts Alyssa’s hand and presses a soft kiss to the palm. “I love you, too, Alyssa Greene.”

XV.

As Betsy and Greg pack up Betsy’s little old Nissan for the journey to take Greg to college, Greg loops his arm around Emma’s shoulders and pulls her aside.

“Hey. Are you going to be okay?”

Emma shrugs. “Of course. You’re not really much use anyway, right?”

He snorts and messes up her hair with his hand. “You’re an asshole.”

“I know.”

Greg sets his hands on Emma’s shoulders. “No matter what anybody says, you are amazing just the way you are, okay? You gotta promise me that you’ll remember that.”

“Yeah, I will.” Emma hooks her thumbs in her belt loops. “You’re just going to college, not moving to another country, you know. I’m going to see you in like three months, if not sooner.”

“I know. I just worry about you.”

Emma suddenly steps forward and hugs him, and she feels him pause briefly in confusion before his arms go around her and he rests his chin on top of her head.

“Take care of yourself,” she murmurs.

“I will if you will.”

“So, no promises?”

He laughs and squeezes her tighter. “It’s the Nolan way.”

+++

“So are Greg and your grandmother actually gone this time, or are they going to be a fun surprise while I’m in my bra again?” Alyssa jokes as Emma lets her in the house.

Emma laughs. “They’re actually gone this time. They’re moving Greg in and then they’re going to spend a few days getting to know the area.”

“Good.” Alyssa pushes Emma up against the door and kisses her. “Want me to take my shirt off again, then?”

She watches a slow hunger grow in Emma’s eyes until she nods and mumbles, “Y-Yeah. That’d be okay.”

“Just okay?” Alyssa teases.

“Uhm. I’m sorry, my brain can only think of you without a shirt on right now.”

Alyssa giggles and grabs Emma’s hand. “That’s fine. Let’s go to your room and make out. I promised I wouldn’t get you shirtless on your grandmother’s couch again.”

Emma snorts. “Of course that’s a promise you made.”

+++

It’s not something they planned.

The intention of their time together while Betsy and Greg are gone has always been just to be able to spend a few hours alone in peace, to be able to kiss like their peers are able to in public, to enjoy each other’s company.

It’s only when they’re lying in Emma’s bed, laughing and kissing, Emma biting a bruise just below Alyssa’s bra, that the thought actually occurs to them.

It strikes Alyssa first, as heat boils inside of her while Emma straddles her and dances kisses across her abs.

She wants more.

She wants more, now, with Emma.

“Wait,” Alyssa whispers as Emma starts to work another bruise into her skin.

Emma is at eye level immediately. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s… Well, it’s maybe a little too right.”

“What does that mean?”

“Emma, I…” Alyssa distracts herself by setting her hands on Emma’s thighs, brushing her thumbs against the soft denim of her shorts. “Please hear me when I say that if you’re not ready we are not ready and I am perfectly okay with that. But I… I want you, Emma. Sexually.” She winces. “Wait. No. That was awful. I mean I want to have sex with you. No, God, that was worse, I mean-”

Emma cuts her off by kissing her. “Alyssa,” she whispers. “I want you like that, too.”

Alyssa beams, and she can feel her eyes start to water. “Yeah?”

“I’ve wanted it for a long time, but it never felt right. Until now.”

“Same,” Alyssa murmurs. She pulls Emma down into a long, slow kiss. “Can we? Now?”

Emma takes in a soft gasp and her fingers drum lightly against her ribs, and Alyssa’s eyes drift closed. “Are you… Are you sure? I mean… I’m…”

She sounds anxious, and the change in her makes Alyssa open her eyes, concerned. Emma is looking away, her cheeks flushed, a small frown on her lips.

“Hey.” Alyssa sits up, putting her so close to Emma that the heat in her bubbles dangerously, but she pushes it aside to gently tuck a strand of hair behind Emma’s ear. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I just… You asking if we could do it now made things real all of a sudden. And a part of me still can’t believe that you’d ever want me like that.”

“God, do you even know what you do to me?” Alyssa kisses her, long and deep, her tongue pressing into Emma’s mouth until they both groan. “I love you, Emma. I want you. You don’t need to worry about that, because I so badly want you.” She rests their foreheads together. “But if you’re not comfortable, we don’t need to do this.”

Emma skims her fingers down Alyssa’s spine and makes her shudder. “I want to,” she whispers. “I want to, Alyssa.”

“Okay,” Alyssa whispers. Her hands drop to the front of Emma’s shorts. “Then I’m going to take these off of you?”

Emma gives a laugh that sounds just a little bit nervous. “You are more than welcome to.”

XVI.

She lets her mind wander to the memory of Emma’s fingers between her legs.

“Alyssa. Hey, Alyssa!”

She snaps out of it with a jolt and lowers her sunglasses, trying not to blush as she looks at Shelby. “Huh?”

“What’s going on with you? You’re like zoning out.”

Alyssa clears her throat and shifts in her chair. “Nothing. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”

Kaylee frowns. “You were smirking and your face is all red.”

“It’s… the sun.”

Shelby takes a drink of her soda. “…Okay.”

“Wait.” Kaylee points at her and squints. “You had sex.”

Shelby chokes on her soda. Alyssa chokes on thin air.

“What?” Alyssa’s voice goes into a high-pitched squeak that she knows is far from convincing. She clears her throat to try to lower it. “Why would you… What the hell makes you think that?”

“It’s a general aura.” Kaylee shrugs. “I just know.”

“I-I… you…” Alyssa scoffs loudly and pushes her sunglasses back up. “Who would I even be having sex with, Kaylee? Come on. You’re being ridiculous.”

“That is true,” Shelby says mildly as she sets her drink down. “Greg’s at college.”

Alyssa chokes again. “I’m sorry. What? What does Greg have to do with this?”

“I mean, it was obvious, Alyssa,” Kaylee says. “Towards the end of last year you were going over to the Nolan house all the time and lying to your mom about it. It wasn’t that hard to figure out that you had a crush on him.”

“Shit, Kaylee, I was at the Nolan’s house because I was working on that partnered history assignment I had with Emma.”

Kaylee raises an eyebrow. “You, Alyssa Greene, took three months to do one little assignment? I don’t buy that. Especially partnered with Nolan; she’s an idiot but she’s in all of our classes for a reason.”

Alyssa’s hands clench on the arm of her chair. “Emma’s not an idiot.”

“Okay. Whatever.” Kaylee shrugs and leans back. “You’re not going to change the subject. You definitely hooked up with somebody.”

Alyssa pushes to her feet. “I’m getting another drink,” she snarls, grabbing her empty glass and hurrying for Shelby’s back door. “Maybe when I come back you’ll have gotten yourself some glasses.”

+++

Shelby knows that something is wrong.

She’s known Alyssa for almost their whole lives – Kaylee is the only one she’s known longer – and she can tell when something is bothering her.

Something’s been bothering her for a while, but it feels like it’s starting to creep up on all of them.

Shelby comes up with an excuse for Kaylee, that she needs another drink as well, and follows Alyssa into the house.

She finds her in the kitchen, leaning on the counter with her head in her hands, trying to catch her breath.

“Hey,” Shelby says softly. “Are you okay?”

Alyssa nods rapidly and sniffs, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand before straightening and turning to her with a strained smile. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“You don’t really look fine, Alyssa.” Shelby leans against the doorway. “Look, I… You know that Kaylee’s just messing around with you, right?”

“When are you going to stop cleaning up for her?” Alyssa asks, her voice soft.

There’s an uncomfortable knot in the back of Shelby’s throat, so she just shrugs and looks away.

“I’m not seeing Greg Nolan, Shelby. Jesus. I’m not dating any boy at all, so I’d really appreciate it if you guys wouldn’t start taking guesses, because that’s going to make school miserable. You know that.”

Shelby gives a light scoff. “What, you mean you don’t want to become the latest cheer squad betting pool?”

Alyssa visibly swallows, and there’s a pain in her eyes that Shelby isn’t expecting. “Shelby,” she whispers. “Please.”

“We won’t say anything, okay? I’ll talk to Kaylee.” Shelby walks into the kitchen and pulls Alyssa into a hug. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

“Better than I’ve been in a long time.” There’s a faint buzz from Alyssa’s phone, and she pulls out of the hug to look down at it. She grins and mumbles, “I should go back outside.”

Shelby catches the contact name on the message – ‘E’ – but that’s all she notices before Alyssa is out of the room.

She stands in the kitchen, her brain spiraling as it puts pieces together.

Towards the end of last year you were going over to the Nolan house all the time and lying to your mom about it.

Emma’s not an idiot.

I’m not dating any boy at all.

“Holy shit,” Shelby whispers. She runs her hand through her hair. “Oh, holy shit.”

Greg really isn’t the Nolan that Alyssa’s been interested in.

XVII.

Emma lies in the annex with her head in Alyssa’s lap, reading Oedipus Rex for their English class.

“I’m bored,” she mutters.

“Dude unintentionally kills his father and marries his mother and that’s boring?”

“I don’t like being told to read things.”

Alyssa sets her physics textbook down on Emma’s head. “Here. Now you can’t read it.”

Emma makes a grumpy noise. “Thanks I think?”

Alyssa laughs and moves her book, leaning down to press a kiss to Emma’s lips. She brushes her thumb against Emma’s cheek for a moment. “Hey,” she murmurs. “Can we talk about something?”

“Yeah, of course.” Emma sits up and sets her book down. “Is everything okay?”

“It’s perfect.” Alyssa rests her forehead against Emma’s. “It’s perfect. And that’s… that’s the thing. This is perfect, Emma, and I’m so tired of people not knowing how much I love you. I just… I don’t know how. I don’t know what to do.”

“We’ll figure something out.” Emma kisses her softly. “You know you don’t have to do anything for me, right? I’ll love you whether we can be public or not.”

“I know you will. I want to do this for both of us, Em. I want to do this for me.”

“What if…” Emma pauses for a moment, a glint of realization forming in her eyes. She looks away, biting her lip in thought.

“What? What is it?” Alyssa pokes her in the side. “Don’t go all quiet on me, Nolan.”

“I just was thinking. If you wanted to wait a bit longer, until the end of the school year. What about prom?”

Alyssa blinks. “Prom?”

“What if we went together? Danced like normal kids, a normal couple? People wouldn’t be able to start shit without getting thrown out of their own prom, and they’d have a whole weekend to get over it. And we’d be able to be us for real.” Emma grins. “Seeing you in a dress wouldn’t be that bad, either.”

“I…” Alyssa blinks again as the words process. “Oh my God. We totally could. Though… the rules say that if you’re bringing a date it has to be the opposite sex.”

Emma shrugs. “So I’ll ask them if they can change the rules. I’ll just leave your name out of it until we get more information.”

“You’d do that?”

“I’d do anything for you,” Emma says softly.

Alyssa grins, her eyes getting watery. “So. I guess you just asked me to prom, Emma Nolan.”

“No. That’s what this is.” Emma shifts until she’s on her knees, and she takes Alyssa’s face in her hands. “I love you, Alyssa Greene,” she whispers. “Will you go to prom with me?”

Alyssa giggles and pulls her forward, kissing her hard on the mouth. “Yes. I want that more than anything else in the world.”

XIIX.

There’s a fight in the hallway right before the first bell. Shelby stands at her locker, watching as Emma punches one of the juniors from the track team.

“Ugh, again?” Kaylee appears at her shoulder and leans against her. “What’s she causing a commotion for this time?”

Shelby’s jaw tightens. “There was more stuff on her and Alyssa’s locker.” She glances over at Kaylee. “She was trying not to fight.”

“Didn’t do a very good job.”

“Yeah. I suppose not.” Shelby winces as Emma takes a hard punch to the jaw and hits one of the lockers. “I feel like someone should stop this.”

“There’s no reason you’d need to get involved. A teacher will break it up.”

“Sure,” Shelby says, glancing down the hallway towards the locker rooms, where the football coach can clearly see what’s going on and isn’t doing anything. “They definitely will.” She winces again as Emma takes another punch. “Kaylee, I don’t want to watch this anymore,” she says softly.

Kaylee is quiet for a moment, still leaning on Shelby’s shoulder. Her hand goes to Shelby’s hip, and she tugs on one of her belt loops. “Come on,” she murmurs. “Let’s get to class.”

+++

Alyssa is leaning against the passenger door of the truck when Emma walks out of school.

“Hi,” Emma says sheepishly.

“You know,” Alyssa says, reaching up and gently touching the spot next to the bruise forming on Emma’s cheek, “if you keep getting detention, they’re not going to let you go to prom.”

“It’s not my fault,” Emma protests.

“Of course not. You’re dutifully defending my honor. I appreciate it very much.”

Emma rolls her eyes and walks around to the driver’s seat. “The sarcasm is noted.”

Alyssa opens the passenger door and leans against the frame. “Em. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

Emma glances around to double-check the empty parking lot, then reaches over and gently strokes Alyssa’s cheek. “It’ll be fine. I promise. We have a plan, and then we’ll be out of this school and we won’t need to deal with any of them anymore.”

Alyssa closes her eyes and briefly leans into Emma’s touch before kissing her palm. “I love you,” she murmurs.

“I love you, too.”

XIX.

Alyssa watches, horrified, as her mother paces in their living room on a rant.

“Where does that girl think she is?” Mrs. Greene demands, wringing her hands in front of her. “Some hippie commune in San Francisco? This is Edgewater, Indiana. We have beliefs, we have rules, we have systems.”

“I-I think Emma just… wants to go to prom,” Alyssa stammers.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Mrs. Greene says with a dismissive wave of her hand. “But bringing a date? Another girl? She can’t just… No. No, the PTA put a stop to this, and there’s no changing it. We aren’t going to back down.”

Alyssa feels a tightness in her chest. “Mom, isn’t that a little harsh?”

“Of course not, Alyssa. We’re doing what’s best for our community. It will be what’s best for the girl and whoever she’s trying to drag down with her, too.” Mrs. Greene answers her cellphone and walks out of the room.

Alyssa closes her eyes and bows her head. “Yeah,” she whispers. “That’s what I figured.”

XX.

Emma sees the car pull down the driveway of her grandmother’s house.

She considers running.

She’s not sure why she doesn’t.

Both of her parents look furious when they get out of the car, but it’s her father who walks up the steps of the porch, grabs her by the lapels of her jacket, and slams her against the siding of the house.

“You were already enough of an embarrassment,” he snarls. “Did you have to completely tarnish the family name? It was bad enough that you’re the way you are, and now you’re turning yourself into some sort of spectacle!”

Emma swallows, trying not to let herself shake. “I-I… I just want to go to prom. Like everybody else.”

Her father glares down at her. “People like you aren’t like everybody else. Get in the car.”

“No,” Emma whispers.

His voice drops to dangerous levels. “Excuse me?”

She tries not to let her own voice quiver. “I said no.”

His grip on her jacket tightens. “If you don’t, I’ll make you. Now get in the car, you useless-”

“Patrick!”

Mr. Nolan’s attention turns to his mother, standing in the doorway of her house.

Betsy glares at him, pure rage in her eyes. “Put the girl down. Now!”

Mr. Nolan releases Emma’s jacket, and she slumps against the side of the house, trembling. “Mother. I’m just here for my child.”

“You don’t have a right to call her your child.” Betsy steps out onto the porch. “I heard you had left.”

“We’re leaving now. We want to live somewhere where no one knows about the…” He glares at Emma. “…misguided attempts to get attention our daughter has done.”

Betsy snorts. “If that’s what you think this is, then your head is so far up your own ass it’s back to where it’s supposed to be.” She points at the car. “Just leave, Patrick. If you want a different environment, go and get one. But Emma is not going with you.”

“I can take her if I want to. She’s not eighteen.”

Betsy walks over to her son, staring up at him with hard eyes. “But you’re not going to.”

They stare at each other for a long, tense moment.

Without even giving Emma another glance, Mr. Nolan turns and walks off of the porch. “Come on,” he says to his wife. “She’s not worth it.”

Mrs. Nolan gives Emma a cold, dismissive look, then gets in the car.

Emma stands, shakily, as the car drives off. Betsy sets a hand on her shoulder. “Honey,” she whispers. “Are you okay?”

“I-I… I don’t know,” Emma admits.

“That’s okay.” Betsy hugs her. “Come here, honey. That’s okay.”

XXI.

The gym is empty when Shelby walks in and takes a seat on the bleachers.

She wants a prom. She just wants a stupid prom with her boyfriend and her friends.

A part of her wants to blame Alyssa. She feels guilty for the part of her that’s blaming Emma. There’s a voice in the back of her head, a whisper, telling her that they are at fault, because they’re the ones who are wrong, because they’re the ones who are that.

She shivers and runs her hands over her face.

If they’re wrong, what does that make-

“Hey, Shelby!” Kevin drops onto the bleachers next to her and grins.

“Hey.” She gives him a smile she hopes doesn’t convey her anxiety. “You ready for this dumb meeting?”

“I guess so. Nick and I ran into Emma in the hallway. She said the girl she was trying to bring was new, but I didn’t think we had any new kids?”

Shelby scoffs at Emma’s attempt at deflection. “We haven’t had anybody new come to this school since Mrs. Lucas adopted that boy when we were in fifth grade, and they moved out of town two years ago.”

“Yeah. So like. Who’s she seeing, then?”

Shelby watches as Alyssa walks into the gym, her hands tightly gripping her backpack, her shoulders slumped, and her head bowed. “I’m not sure,” she murmurs.

+++

She’s already nearly hyperventilating as she bursts into the annex.

“Emma, what the hell is going on?” she demands, standing in the doorway, her chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath.

Emma is pacing back and forth, her hands rubbing together anxiously as she mutters to herself.

“Emma!”

She looks up, startled. “Oh. Oh, God. I’m sorry, I was just… I was just trying to think. I’m not… I don’t know what…”

Alyssa runs her hand through her hair and bites her lip. “Jesus Christ, Em, who are those people?”

“I don’t know! Mr. Hawkins says they’re like… Broadway actors? Or something? And they’re trying to help because for some reason they think this will help.”

“Oh my God.” Alyssa covers her face with her hands and groans. “Oh my God. This is a disaster. It’s a total disaster. Why did we ever think we could do this? The whole school has gone insane!”

“Alyssa, hey, it’s going to be alright. The plan can still work, okay? Mr. Hawkins is talking to some attorney, apparently it’s not actually cool to throw a fit and take away an entire school event because of homophobia.”

“Emma,” Alyssa chokes out. “I don’t know if I can do this. My mom’s freaking out. It’s all so overwhelming I can’t-”

“Hey,” Emma whispers, taking a step towards her.

Alyssa shies away, flinching when she sees the hurt in Emma’s eyes. Her brain is overwhelmed, she doesn’t know what to do, she doesn’t know what to think, she doesn’t know.

She runs her hand through her hair again, still breathing hard, and turns to leave.

“This isn’t my fault,” Emma says, and her voice is so desperate that it makes Alyssa stop in her tracks. “You know that, don’t you?” She doesn’t get closer, respecting the gap Alyssa forced between them. “Alyssa, I didn’t ask for any of this. All I want is you. If I need to wait until we’re in college, until we have jobs, until we’re ninety, I’ll do that.”

Alyssa turns slowly, her eyes tearing. There’s a determination on Emma’s face that she’s never seen before, a level of reckless, passionate fire that she’s only seen in bed or when Emma’s about to punch someone.

“If you still want to try, I’m going to keep fighting. We deserve to have this, Alyssa. You deserve to have this. I know it’s terrifying, but I believe that we can do this. Please, just let me try. I-I…” Emma falters a bit, bowing her head. “I just want to go to prom with you,” she whispers.

Alyssa walks forward and takes Emma’s hands, giving her a light kiss. “I want to go with you, too,” she murmurs. “I love you. I do. I love you. I’m afraid, but I do still want our plan to work. Are you sure you want to go through this?”

“I love you, Alyssa. Of course I am.”

Alyssa lets out a soft sigh and rests her forehead against Emma’s. “It might be easier to just move to a different state.”

Emma laughs. “One of those little handkerchiefs tied to a stick? Jump on a train and see where it takes us?”

“My mother would find us and kill us if I don’t graduate high school,” Alyssa says dryly.

“Mm. My grandmother would, too.” Emma cups Alyssa’s jaw in her hands and kisses her, all teeth and tongue, until Alyssa groans.

Alyssa walks Emma back until they hit the table, and she pushes Emma until she’s sitting on it.

“What are you doing?” Emma breathes as Alyssa starts unbuttoning her flannel shirt.

“If you’re going to be busy dealing with actors and whatever Mr. Hawkins is doing, we likely won’t be able to see each other a lot for a while. We have at least five minutes before we have to go downstairs. It’s enough time for me to kiss as much of you as I can get my hands on. If that’s okay?”

Emma clears her throat as Alyssa’s lips land on her collarbone. “God,” she groans. “That is more than okay.”

XXII.

“You okay, kiddo?”

Emma blinks and looks over at Barry, sitting in the passenger seat of her truck. “What?”

“Are you okay?” He playfully bumps his fist against her knee. “You should be excited! You’re getting a prom!”

“I am excited,” Emma says softly. “I guess a part of me just… wishes they didn’t have to be forced into it.”

Barry is quiet for a moment, a silence she didn’t think was actually possible. “I can’t guarantee that that’s going to change in the next week. Or even the next year, or maybe even before you’re my age. But you’re a brave kid. Even if people like this don’t change, you’ll be okay.”

“I’m not sure if that actually makes me feel better or not,” Emma laughs.

“It didn’t really make me feel better, but it sounded good when I thought it.”

Emma laughs again and starts the truck. “Do you want food or not?”

He shudders. “I trust you to find something a lot more than I do the other idiots I’m here with.”

“That definitely doesn’t make me feel better.”

XXIII.

Kaylee giggles as Shelby fusses with her hair, tucking it behind Kaylee’s ear and adjusting how it lies on her shoulders.

“What are you doing?” she asks, bouncing a bit.

Shelby laughs and uses her thumb to straighten the lower edge of Kaylee’s lipstick. “It’s an occasion.”

“Hopefully it’s not a monster truck rally halftime show.”

Shelby snorts.

“What kind of-”

“Hey, Kaylee!”

She turns and laughs as Nick puts on sunglasses and takes off his varsity jacket to reveal a ‘PROM: Y/N?’ t-shirt.

She’s pretty sure she hears Shelby mutter “good God”, but she just giggles and says, “You’re such an idiot.” Kaylee kisses Nick quickly. “Yes!”

Kaylee is laughing as Nick hugs her, and she can see Kevin wearing a sombrero and laughing with Shelby. The boys both run off to help one of the basketball players with a promposal, and the timing makes her turn at the exact moment that Emma sneaks underneath the bleachers.

It’s suspicious. It’s suspicious, it’s weird, and with everyone else’s attention on the goofy fun going on on the football field, Kaylee lets her nosiness get the better of her.

She walks over to the bleachers.

She can’t hear the conversation that’s going on. It’s quiet and private, the whisper of a secret, but she can see well enough.

Alyssa.

Emma takes Alyssa’s hand and brushes her thumb over the back of her palm before kissing her forehead and murmuring to her. They kiss briefly, then leave from the other side of the bleachers, one after the other, a minute or so apart.

Kaylee stands there, frozen in shock.

“Kay.”

She turns to find Shelby behind her, a bit pale.

“Did you…” Kaylee blinks. “What the fuck is…”

“We can’t tell anyone, Kaylee,” Shelby says softly. “You know what it would do to Alyssa.”

Kaylee grabs Shelby’s hand and drags her under the bleachers. “You knew about this?”

Shelby shrugs and looks away. “Yeah. Only for a little bit.”

“How long is a little bit?”

“I… figured it out at the end of summer break.”

Kaylee gapes at her. “What the fuck? Why didn’t you tell me?”

She watches the tension tighten in Shelby’s jaw. “It’s not my secret to tell, Kaylee.”

“What…” Kaylee closes her eyes and thinks for a second. “What do we do? She’s going to show up with Emma, and then it’s over for her. Everyone will know. If we stop this now, maybe we can knock some sense into her?”

There’s a hesitation in Shelby’s eyes that Kaylee can’t identify the source of, but she nods. “Yeah,” she whispers. “I… I think I have a way that that can happen.”

XXIV.

It goes to hell, far worse than anything Alyssa ever imagined.

She can still hear the broken sound of Emma’s voice on the phone, the hurt and anger and betrayal. The pure desperation to just not be alone.

All Emma needed was her, and she couldn’t do it.

Alyssa sits on the ground outside of the Elks Club, hoping that no one comes outside and asks her why she’s crying.

Emma’s truck stops in the parking lot, but she’s not the one driving it. One of the actors gets out and starts pacing, looking like he’s about to storm into the prom the same way they burst into the gym during the PTA meeting.

It takes a while before he notices Alyssa, and he seems to hesitate, just a little, before approaching her.

“So,” he says as he gets closer, and the anger in his voice is so strong that Alyssa flinches, “this is where the normal people’s prom is?”

He falters when he sees that she’s crying.

“Yeah,” Alyssa whispers. “It is.”

“I…” He looks around, and Alyssa suddenly remembers his name. Barry. “I wanted to go in there and give that woman a piece of my mind, but I… I don’t think I can.” He sighs and puts his hands into his pockets. “I don’t think it would help.” He scoffs and shakes his head. “Oh, what do you care. No offense, but the rest of you did this, so it’s not like-”

“It wouldn’t help,” Alyssa says. She swallows. “My mother did this, and she would never back down just because you yelled at her.”

Barry stares at her. “You’re… You’re that Greene woman’s…”

Alyssa swallows again and looks up at him. “Can you do something for me?”

“I… I suppose…?”

Alyssa gets to her feet and wipes her eyes, clearing her throat to get her voice back under control. “Can you… Can you tell Emma that I’m sorry? For… For everything?”

His eyes get just a little wider, and she watches the realization hit him. “Oh, kid,” he whispers.

She can’t look at him any longer.

She turns away, and she walks back into the prom.

XXV.

Shelby sits next to Kaylee in front of the 24 Mart, drinking a slushee until it gives her a brain freeze.

“This is out of control,” Kaylee sniffs. “The news is calling us homophobic! A town of homophobic bigots!”

“We probably shouldn’t be surprised,” Shelby mutters, wincing as the pain hits her head again.

“Oh God what’s the guy from Talk to the Hand wearing.”

Shelby looks up and sees one of the Broadway guys – Trent – walking up to them in a track jacket with JUILLIARD emblazoned on the back, sunglasses, and a backwards hat.

He’s talking, but she’s not really listening, she’s leaning over to Kaylee and saying, “Is that what Nick’s going to look like in thirty years?”

Kaylee sighs and stands to stretch. “Nick’s too dumb to go to Juilliard.”

“Good point.”

Shelby tunes in to what Trent’s saying when he says, “You can’t just cherry pick the Bible deciding what things you want to believe and what things you don’t.”

Kaylee frowns at him. “We don’t do that!”

Trent puts his sunglasses away. “Oh, you don’t?” He takes Kaylee’s wrist and points at the small tattoo on her wrist, grinning. “Well, Kaylee, tattoos are taboo. Enjoy the fiery pits of hell!”

“Hey!” Kaylee exclaims, pulling her arm back.

Shelby gets to her feet immediately, stepping forward and pushing Kaylee away from Trent. It backfires, because he points at her instead.

“Shelby! If you’ve lost your virginity-”

She chokes on her slushee as Kevin hurries to her side from his game of hackysack with Nick.

“-the good book says we have to stone you and your family!”

“What?”

Trent goes to bother Nick next, and Shelby turns to Kevin, who looks pale.

“How does he know that?” she asks hoarsely. “Did you tell anyone?”

“Just my mom,” Kevin squeaks.

Shelby’s stomach drops. “Your mom the preschool teacher?”

“Uh…”

“Jesus Christ, Kevin, no wonder she doesn’t like me!”

Kevin gives her a helpless look. “I tell my mom everything!”

She stares at him as Trent continues to wreck the belief system of their entire senior class.

“You can tell her that we broke up, too,” she says, handing him her slushee.

He blinks, startled. “Wait a minute. Shelby.”

She ignores him and turns, walking over to Trent.

“You have a point,” she says.

“What are you talking about?” Kaylee demands.

Shelby swallows. “Come on,” she pleads. “Don’t you feel even slightly bad for Emma? You used to be friends.”

Kaylee hesitates. “That was before she turned gay.”

Her stomach hurts in a way she knows isn’t from the sugar. “Maybe she was always gay,” she says, her voice quiet.

Trent pats her on the back, encouraging, but she’s not listening anymore.

Instead, she’s watching Kaylee’s eyes soften.

XXVI.

“I’m going public. Will you do it with me?”

Alyssa freezes, her mind blanking. “I-I… Emma, I want to.”

Emma’s jaw tightens, and she nods and looks away. “But you won’t.”

“It’s not that easy!” Alyssa runs a hand through her hair. “You know what my mother is like. You know exactly what I’m afraid of. I can’t just… God, Emma, standing in that prom was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced. I can’t… I can’t do that again.”

“I would never force you to,” Emma murmurs. “I would never demand that of you. But Alyssa, I… I-I… I can’t do this anymore. I can’t go through this. I thought I could handle how much pain this would be, and I can’t. I just… I can’t do this anymore, Alyssa.”

Alyssa feels her heart twist and ache as Emma turns and heads for the door of the annex. In a soft voice, she says, “You said you’d wait. However long it takes for me to be able to do this.”

Emma pauses, not looking back. “I would’ve. Loving you isn’t the problem, Alyssa. I’m just so tired of hiding. I’m so tired of being the kid getting into a fight in the hallway because some asshole vandalized my locker for the fifteenth time. I’m just tired, Alyssa. I refuse to make you come out, but I refuse to stand in the dark anymore, either. And I can’t make the statement I want and have you at the same time. I’m…” She pauses again, her voice cracking. “I’m sorry.”

She’s gone before Alyssa can respond, and Alyssa sits on the floor slowly, hugging her knees to her chest.

XXVII.

Emma isn’t entirely sure what’s happening, but in a whirlwind, she’s standing in the gym, the Broadway group and Mr. Hawkins getting a prom set up after she’s given her story to the world with a guitar and a YouTube channel.

It’s everything, and yet it’s nothing.

It’s nothing without Alyssa.

Barry puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes. “How are you doing, kid?”

She shrugs. “Pretty good. I feel good.”

He hugs her tightly. “You should. You did good.”

“What is going on in here?”

“Oh, God,” Emma mutters.

Mrs. Greene storms into the gym, walking up to Mr. Hawkins with a panicked fluster about her that Emma isn’t expecting. “You can’t just do this! The PTA has to approve it!”

“Actually, you don’t,” Mr. Hawkins replies calmly.

The rest of the PTA wanders in, along with a few teachers and the other seniors, Kaylee and Shelby at the head. Emma frowns, confused, as the group of kids avoid the Edgewater adults entirely and go to the other side of the gym, where Kaylee and Shelby start chatting with Trent.

“This is not what our community wants,” Mrs. Greene insists.

“The kids are part of your community, aren’t they?” Trent asks.

Mrs. Greene scoffs. “Of course they are!”

“Well. I wonder what they think.” He gives Shelby a pointed look that confuses Emma even more.

Shelby steps forward, her hands in her pockets. “Emma. I’ve been a complete jerk, and I’m sorry. You should’ve been able to go to prom like any other kid.”

Kaylee slings her arm over Shelby’s shoulders and leans against her. “Yeah, and, like, this new one should be allowed to happen, too. We’re both sorry.”

There’s a murmuring of agreement among the other seniors, and Emma blinks, baffled. “What… I-I… I thought you guys hated me.”

“We can talk about it later,” Shelby says quickly before Trent can speak.

“This just proves what I’ve been saying,” Mrs. Greene insists. “Children are impressionable, and-”

“Mom. Stop.”

Emma’s heartbeat quickens, the same way it always does when she sees Alyssa.

Her own heart is a traitor.

“Alyssa,” Mrs. Greene says, and there’s sheer panic in her voice.

Oh.

Oh.

“Mom. You have to listen to me.”

“What are you doing here, you can’t-”

“Mom!” Alyssa steps up, standing right in front of her mother. “Please. Just listen. People don’t turn gay, and some crazy Broadway actors trying to make us a little more openminded isn’t going to hurt anyone. I know that this is scary, and I know that the way you were raised makes you push against all of this, but please. The world isn’t great, but it gets a little bit better every day because of people who have the courage to make it that way.”

She turns to Emma, and Emma’s heart stops. “People like her,” she whispers.

Mrs. Greene’s voice is nearly inaudible. “Alyssa…”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Mom,” Alyssa murmurs. “I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just want to be free to be who I am. Who I’ve been this whole time.”

The realization of what’s happening doesn’t hit Emma until Alyssa walks a few steps towards her and says, in fully volume, loud enough for the whole gym to hear, “I LOVE YOU, EMMA NOLAN.”

“Holy shit,” Emma says hoarsely.

“Alyssa,” Mrs. Greene says. “You don’t know what you’re saying. You-”

“If you don’t let her be who she is,” Barry interrupts, “you’ll lose her. That’s how you lose her. If you don’t want that, you can’t do this. Trust me. I know what I’m talking about.”

Emma walks forward, standing next to Alyssa and letting her take her hand for support as she whispers, “Mom.”

“I just…” Mrs. Greene swallows, her voice choked, tears in her eyes. “I don’t want you to have a hard life.”

Alyssa swallows. “It’s already hard.”

Mrs. Greene lets out a quiet noise, almost a sob, and bows her head. After a moment, she makes eye contact with Alyssa and says, “We’ll talk tonight?”

Alyssa nods, her hand shaking in Emma’s. “Okay.”

Mrs. Greene turns and walks out of the gym.

“Oh, God,” Alyssa whispers. “Oh, God. I just came out to my mom.”

“I think you just came out to everyone,” Emma says gently.

Alyssa hugs her tightly, letting out a light, relieved laugh. “Oh, God!”

Emma kisses her on the cheek and whispers, “If you’ll take me back, I think I have a prom we can go to.”

“Let me think about it,” Alyssa teases.

“Harsh, Greene.”

Alyssa hugs her tighter. “You had better get used to it, Nolan.”

XXIIX.

Shelby leans against the wall outside of the bathrooms, taking a slow breath.

“Hey.” Kaylee leans next to her. “What are you doing?”

“Just thinking.”

“About the complete chaos this year has been?”

Shelby laughs. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Kaylee checks her nails. “Who’d have thought that we’d break up with our boyfriends right before prom? It’s kind of dumb, really.”

“Wait.” Shelby stares at her. “What? But you came here with Nick.”

“Yeah, just because I didn’t want to arrive alone. I broke up with him as soon as I found out you broke up with Kevin.”

Shelby blinks. “What?”

Kaylee shrugs. “Solidarity.”

“Kaylee, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.” Shelby isn’t sure why the thought of Kaylee breaking up with Nick panics her when she never liked Nick, but it’s sending her into a complete spiral. “You can’t just dump your boyfriend for the fun of it. What the hell?”

“You’re being dramatic.” Kaylee rolls her eyes and goes into the bathroom.

Shelby follows. “I’m not being dramatic. Break up with him when we hit summer vacation or something. Doing it now is just weird.”

“You broke up now. How is it different?”

“It just…” Shelby does not have a good answer for that. “It just is.”

Kaylee laughs. “Oh my God. What are you so mad about? It’s not a big deal.”

“I-I… Just…” Shelby reaches into her purse and takes out a flask, taking a large sip of it.

“Jesus Christ, Shel!” Kaylee snatches it away from her and sniffs it before sealing it and putting it in her own purse. “Vodka? What has gotten into you? I’m not having our salutatorian get banned from graduation because she got wasted at prom, so I’m keeping this until you get your common fucking sense back. We drink after we leave.”

“R-Right. Yeah. Sure.” Shelby rubs her hands together.

Kaylee rests her hand on Shelby’s forehead briefly. As her hand drops back down to her side, she says, “Seriously, what is-”

Shelby grabs Kaylee’s shoulders, pulls her forward, and kisses her.

It lasts just a little too long. Shelby’s hands frozen in place, Kaylee’s moving around to clutch at her back, tongues, teeth, a breathless moan that Shelby’s not entirely sure who made.

Her brain catches up to what she’s done far too late for her to write it off as a moment of sheer stupidity.

She practically shoves Kaylee away from her, panic and fear overpowering every other bit of sense in her head.

Kaylee looks confused. Flustered.

Shelby doesn’t have time to figure out what that means.

“I-I’m… Oh, fuck,” she rasps.

She rushes out of the bathroom, rushes out of prom, and prays that Kaylee drinks the rest of the vodka and forgets.

XXIX.

Alyssa wakes in Emma’s bed.

She’s confused at first, and a little worried, because it’s something she’s only done once before. But her memory reminds her quickly of all that they did the night before, of Emma on top of her, of her kissing her way down Emma’s torso, and all of the worry and confusion vanishes.

They’re them.

They’re them, and no one can take that away anymore.

Alyssa watches Emma sleep for a moment, tousled hair and splayed arms and the marks Alyssa left on her chest and throat moving as she breathes. She rolls and gets on top of Emma, kissing her under her jaw.

Emma whimpers quietly in her sleep.

Alyssa giggles softly and starts pressing more kisses along her jawline, down her throat, across her collarbone.

She nips softly at Emma’s sternum, and Emma groans.

“Alyssa,” she mumbles. “What are you…?”

“You said your grandmother would be back in the morning. So I figure we should get the most out of the time we have left, shouldn’t we?”

Emma is awake by the time she finishes her sentence. “Have I ever told you that you’re the most brilliant woman alive?”

Alyssa grins. “You could stand to mention it more often.”

XXX.

Emma takes Alyssa’s hand and pulls her away from the crowds at graduation, ducking under the bleachers.

“It was a very good speech,” Emma says as Alyssa plays with her tie. “I’m very proud of you. And I appreciated the shoutout.”

“Saying your name would’ve been too petty of me, so I figured that using a line from your song just tossed into the valedictorian speech would be just petty enough.” Alyssa pulls Emma forward by the tie and kisses her. “We did it.”

“We did it.”

“We graduated.”

Emma grins. “And I didn’t get into any more fights.”

“True, though I think Dee Dee might’ve gotten into one in the stands.”

“That’s not much of a shock, though.” Emma rubs the back of her neck. “Are Kaylee and Shelby okay? It’s like they’re avoiding each other.”

“I’m not sure. I haven’t talked to them too much since prom. I want to have an actual conversation with them about some stuff. But you are right, though. Something’s up there. I’ve never seen Shelby deliberately try not to take a picture with Kaylee.”

“Weird.”

“Yeah, but I don’t really want to think about other people right now.”

Emma raises an eyebrow. “Oh, is that so?”

“Indeed.” Alyssa skims her fingers over the tie again. “I just want to go to your truck.”

“Uh huh.”

Alyssa pulls her in closer with the tie. “And drive out somewhere private.”

“Uh huh.”

She kisses Emma under her jaw. “And park there.”

“…Uh huh.”

She nips at Emma’s ear. “And see how quickly you can take this dress off of me.”

Emma’s breathing chokes a bit. “We can do that,” she rasps. “We can do that right now.”

Alyssa kisses her, just a little bit inappropriate for somewhere they might be seen. “Then let’s keep moving.”

Emma laughs and kisses her back, and they trip over each other as they head away from the high school.