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Brienne rolls over in her large king size bed and even though she’s still half asleep, she takes the pillow from beneath her head and hits her husband hard enough to wake him up and stop his incessant snoring. This has become their normal morning routine for the past five years they’ve been married and even though Brienne really hates his snoring, there’s some comfort in the normalcy of it.
Jaime doesn’t even wake up, he just snorts a little and turns over, his back facing her. Usually he stops snoring after she’s hit him and Brienne can go back to sleep for another few hours. This morning he just resumes the loud snores, and Brienne thinks they’ve gotten even louder even though he’s facing away from her. She’d like to sleep for a little bit longer, it’s Saturday morning and she has nowhere to be until her late lunch date with Sansa. Jaime’s snoring becomes louder and she comes to terms with the fact that sleep is no longer an option.
Instead, she rolls out of bed at six a.m., throws on the robe she almost ripped off last night after Jaime surprised her with a little celebration after a late night at the office, and made a beeline for the kitchen. On her way down the stairs and Brienne collects her hair into a ponytail and then throws it into a bun on the top of her head to get it at least a little bit under control.
The very first thing Brienne goes for in the kitchen is the coffee. She open the cupboard it has been stored in since they moved into the large house, the same place it has always been, but the huge container of, admittedly pricy, Dornish black silk coffee is not there. Which is odd because Brienne remembers buying it yesterday while she was grocery shopping. She remembers vividly in fact because she’d felt a little bit guilty for spending so much money on coffee, but then she’d justified the purchase because well, Jaime snores and she deserved that coffee for mornings like this.
Brienne opens up all the cabinets, cupboards, and even the fridge, thinking maybe Sansa had been right, and pregnancy brain was a real thing. Nothing, it was no where to be seen. Brienne sadly gave up her search, and finished off the rest of the orange juice instead. It wasn’t coffee, and certainly wasn’t Dornish black silk coffee.
Brienne is still racking her brain for an answer as to what she could have done with a whole container of coffee when she opens the trash can to throw away the orange juice carton. There, sprinkled over the very top of the heap is a large helping of coffee grounds, the entire contents of her large Dornish black silk coffee container to be exact.
Brienne closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath in order to control the absurd rush of anger that is now coursing its way through her veins and threatening to bubble over.
“Good morning.” Brienne hadn’t even heard him come in the kitchen, but Jaime is now slipping his arms around her waist and kissing her neck in greeting. Brienne places her own hands over his and forces them away from her and back down to his sides. Jaime’s head shoots up from where he has been nuzzling her shoulder as she turns around to confront him.
Brienne takes another deep breath, telling herself there has to be a rational explanation for this. Of all the people who knew how much Brienne needed, loved, depended on her coffee, it was her husband. This had to be some sort of mistake.
“Jaime, why is my coffee in the trash can?” Brienne watches his face go from confused to sheepish, and finally resolve in a fairly short amount of time for someone who had only just woken up.
“This is a caffeine free household now.” Jaime doesn’t even wait for her to reply, just turns his back to her and goes for the fridge. Brienne follows right behind him and closes the refrigerator door before he can even open it properly.
“I beg your pardon?” Jaime crosses his arms over his bare chest and holds his ground, even managing to look down his nose at her even though she stands two inches taller than him.
“You heard what I said. No more coffee, at least for six more months.” Brienne’s eyes widen at this new rule he has decided to inflict on her.
“I…What? Why? Have you gone mental?!” Brienne had thought that maybe this was all some cruel practical joke Jaime had been playing on her, that at any moment he was going to break out in that charming smile, laugh, and tell her that he would never think of depriving her of her precious coffee. She can see now that he I completely serious. He has yet to break eye contact, daring her to defy him.
“You know what the doctor said.” Jaime gently pushes her away from the fridge so he can open it up again and continue to rummage for his own breakfast. Brienne is still staring at him in shock, mouth hanging slightly open and large blue eyes still widened.
“Yeah, I heard him caution against large amounts of caffeine. At no time did he mention cutting coffee out completely. That’s just inhumane, Jaime.” Brienne crosses her own arms and tightens her lips into a thin line as she stress at her husband whose only response is to twist the cap off the jug of chocolate and take a large gulp straight from the carton.
Their staring contest doesn’t last very long. Brienne’s anger gets the better of her and she rips the jug out of Jaime’s hands and proceeds to pour the almost full jug of chocolate milk right down the drain. If he could throw out all of her precious coffee, she could get rid of his favorite morning indulgence as well. Take that Lannister!
She doesn’t even turn around to see the horrified look marring his face, just opens the garbage bin from underneath the sink and throws out the empty jug before leaving Jaime in the kitchen.
~~~
Brienne needs a handful of extra strength Tylenol and a very long nap by the end of the day. Even Sansa agreed with Jaime’s ludicrous idea of no coffee until after her pregnancy, and Sansa usually made it a habit to never agree on anything with Jaime Lannister.
“I think it makes a lot of sense, Brienne. He’s just worried about you, and the baby. After how long it took you to conceive, I would think you’d want to do everything by the book.” Brienne had rolled her eyes at this. She told Sansa she had a point, but it was just one…two cups of coffee in the morning. She could cut herself off after that, she was certain of it. All she had to do was cut out trips to the break room and eliminate her afternoon Starbuck runs with Margery. Easy, simple, totally doable. Not hard at all.
“If you say so.” Sansa smiled but shook her head lightly at Brienne. “You should go easy on him though, he’s only trying to be careful.” Brienne had taken this into consideration and had deiced to forgive him. In fact, she had been all set to apologize with a new jug of chocolate milk in hand when 2 p.m. hit and along with it came the most awful headache Brienne had ever experienced. She was quite certain at some point that her head was actually being ripped in two while her brain tried to claw its way out of her skull with razor sharp nails.
By the time she finally get home, medicated, and back into bed, Jaime appears by her side. He whispers a greeting into her ear and drops a kiss on the side of her neck. He doesn’t even have time to finish the quick kiss before Brienne is pushing him away.
“No, uh uh. I do not share naps, or beds, with coffee thieves. Nap on the couch, Lannister!” She winces at the volume of her own voice and turns to bury her face in her pillow. Jaime starts to speak, but right now his voice is causing her head to spit open again, so she grabs his pillow form the spot beside her, turns back around to face him, and whacks him hard in the face with his own pillow. “Out. Now!”
Jaime takes his pillow and tries to make a semi-decent napping spot out of their uncomfortable couch, punching his pillow a few times, mostly out of frustration, and all the while mumbling about insufferable wenches and caffeine withdrawals.