Archive of Our Own

He blinked through the haze of sleep, the soft,warm light of late morning filtering through the pale rice paper shudders. Her hair caught the light, like spun gold shimmering in a effervescent halo. Her face has thinned as she's gotten older, less round and more lean with her adulthood. When she's reading at the Hokage desk, she looks a lot like her father. 

The urge to reach out and touch her is beyond his control and he strokes the smooth skin of her cheek, letting his calluses catch on her whisker scars, the only scars her war-battered body possessed. So beautiful, so perfect, so angelic and solely his. 

His eyes stray down to the large belly keeping him from holding her in the first place - their first pregnancy. He had no doubt that Naruto would want more babies, even through they'd been blessed right off the bat with twins (according to Kurama). He'd done that to her. His heir and hers, cocooned safely in her womb. 

He wanted to give her everything he could. He gave her his parents, to dote on a daughter they'd never had; he'd given her his heart, to do with as the pleased; he'd given her his services, so she would never have to fight alone again and now, he was giving her the family she'd never had, children all her own to love and adore and shower with the affectionate radiance that couldn't be contained even by a body as strong as hers - the heart that tamed all nine Tailed Beasts, that switched the goal of Uchiha Obito and felt pity for a goddess brought to her knees. 

And she'd given her love, her body and her hand in marriage to him alone. 

Uzumaki Naruto; his first love, his lover, his leader, his wife, his world. 

He was pulled back from the peaceful scene and it felt like getting his skin flayed off. He wanted that, with every molecule of his being. But someone else was calling him back, back to where he'd been before, before . . . 

He woke up to Ino's tear-streaked face hovering over him. 

"I passed out?"

She jolted like she'd been shocked, eyes blown wide, then threw herself on top of him with renewed sobbing. "You're alive!"

"Yeah?"

She squeezed him tight enough to almost kill him again. "You got crushed and I couldn't- I couldn't-"

Flashes of Asuma ran through his mind, how Ino had suffered knowing that she was the medic nin who couldn't save their sensei's life. He could only imagine that she'd felt that same dread rising in her throat like acid seeing him dead at her feet. Another team member, gone. 

"So, what happened? If I got crushed, how am I alive?"

"Naruto was fighting Pain. She managed to defeat five of them and was battling the sixth when he pinned her to the ground. They were in the middle of the crater, so I couldn't see them really well, but Hinata jumped down and joined the fray. He had no problem . . . incapacitating her and Naruto-" Ino bit off the rest of her sentence, looking off to the side. "Naruto lost control of the Kyuubi. Pain led her away, but we've been hearing the booms and seeing the dust from her attacks all the way over here. Our fathers went to try and find the real Pain; the one controlling the orange-haired corpses."

"So how did I come back? I was dead, right?"

She flinched. "Yeah. I don't know. Something opened in the crater and let out all the souls they'd stolen. You just- You just woke up."

He sat up, reaching down to check his leg, finding the bones he knew were broken even before he died mended as though it had never happened. "Can you contact your dad? I want to know what Naruto's situation is."

She wiped her face, trying to regain her composure from the whiplash of emotions she was experiencing. "Yeah. Just give me a minute. I don't want to overwhelm him."

He offered her a smile. "Take the time you need."

As soon as Kakashi reported via Ino where they were coming from, his body moved without his own consent. He was on the move before he really thought about it, running around the hole where the village had been and rushing through the gathered civilians, completely unaware of the crazy concurrent series of miracles Naruto had just pulled off. 

A crowd had already gathered at the edge of the forest and started to cheer as soon as they laid eyes on her bright orange outfit. She looked haggard and exhausted on a physical and mental level, shocked above all else that anyone would care what she had just done for the village. She would never think she was good enough for all this praise, for the love and reverence her very steps should summon. 

"Shikamaru-"

He didn't even hear Ino, weaving his way through the civilians and shinobi getting ready to celebrate her enormous and single-handed victory. He knew the instant her eyes caught sight of him, because they locked with his and the most precious, relieved smile came over her face, so gentle and sincere his own heart splintered at the thought of her pain. 

"Shikamaru." She murmured, but he heard her. He would recognize his name on her lips through fire and rain - he was compelled to obey her summons. If he hadn't already been sure that he needed to make her his, to tie them together forever and bask in her glory, he would have come to that same conclusion here. As it was, all it did was make him eternally grateful that of everyone, she'd chosen him. 

He pushed into the open space and she walked toward him like she wasn't even aware she was doing it. Once she was within arm's reach, his whole chest seized with the intense need to reaffirm her existence for himself. She seemed to feel the same, both of them wrapping the other in a crushing hug in the same instance. 

"I'd lost you." She whispered, pressing as much of herself to him as she could, as though she could fuse him to her and never allow him to go without her protection ever again. "I transported to Konoha in Sage Mode and I could feel everyone. But I couldn't feel you or Kakashi. I'd just lost the last of everyone who loved me. I'd lost you. Just like I lost Jiraiya - never there when I needed to be."

He squeezed her hard enough he felt her fractured ribs creak. "You've never failed anyone, Naruto, least of all me, Kakashi and Jiraiya. You just saved the entire village."

He pulled back, cupping her cheeks in his hands. She offered a watery smile, her hands resting on his shoulders. "During my battle with Pain, I had nothing to live for, nothing to fight for."

"I don't believe that for a second." He replied fiercely. "You'll be the greatest Hokage this village will ever see and I'll be damned if I don't see you to it."

She laughed wetly, trying not to cry. Her voice was soft and almost lost in the bustle of the crowd around them. "I love you, Shikamaru."

His heart beat in his chest like he'd been running for his life for days, like his best dream and worst nightmare at the same time. "Nope, I'm going for it."

"Huh-?" She didn't even have time to be confused, he just pulled her back into him and kissed her for all he was worth right there, surrounded by a couple hundred shinobi and civilians. She evidently wasn't thinking about them, because she wound her arms back around his shoulders and crushed him closer, kissing him back with a biting desperation that belied all the fear and heartbreak washing out of her system. He gripped her jacket in possessive clumps, clawing for whatever he could take. The hand on her cheek left it and tangled in her hair, directing her head to tilt to the side to kiss her deeper, more fully.

When they broke apart, the world around them came crashing back in, with the roaring applause and the astonished, slack-jawed faces of their friends. Naruto flushed as red as her skin tone would allow, but he was just so grateful to have her here, in his arms, that he couldn't find the will to care. 

"Well, shit." Kakashi wandered up, surprise clear in his lone eye. "I mean, I thought you guys might have a spark, but I can't say I expected this."

Naruto huffed, characteristically fussy when embarrassed. "So much for Kakashi of the Sharingan, reading underneath the underneath!"

He couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up in his chest. He let all the anxiety drain from him, side right out and away. Naruto had a way of cleansing those around her. Was this what it was like to be in the presence of a goddess? To be blessed in everything she does, every time she looked at you, touched you, thought of you?

She looked back at him and his smile caught on her face, drawing one of her own, barring her teeth and shutting her eyes. 

"In any case," Kakashi continued as though Shikamaru wasn't planning their wedding in the back of his mind, "I'm glad you two got together. If there was ever anyone worthy of Naruto in the village, it's probably you, Shikamaru."

"Really?" Now that was high praise if he'd ever gotten it.

Kakashi smiled and nodded. "Yup. It's poetic, too. The lowest scoring of your class, Hokage and advisor? Spectacular irony."

They looked at each other, breaking out into identical grins and pressing their foreheads together. 

"No fair!" A young voice broke over the bustle and Konohamaru burst from the crowd looking ready to cry. "I wanted to be her husband!"

Shikamaru and Naruto stared at him blankly for a minute before Shikamaru cleared his throat. "Guess I have a rival. What a drag."

"Wha- Are you serious?" She asked incredulously. 

He shrugged. "Sure." He tucked his head into her shoulder, lips next to her ear. "Even though I already know you're mine."

Her stuttered breath and gentle tremour were hidden by how lose her clothing was. He let more skin drag than was strictly necessary as he pulled back, sticking his hands in his pockets and adopting a more appropriate distance. 

Her eyes were soft with fondness. 

She was quickly overwhelmed by newfound fans and those rightfully grateful to her, but he let them have their time. He might not have her right now, but he'll have her to himself tonight. He'd make sure of it. 

"How long has this been going on, Shikamaru?"

He looked over at Iruka, who stared at him coolly. "Sometime as Genin? We were always kinda friendly, but when she left, I sent her a letter wishing her good luck on her journey and everything. I thought that would be the last of it, but we wound up staying in touch the whole time she was gone."

"A kiss like that doesn't come from trading friendly letters."

"Who said they were strictly friendly?" He shot his former sensei a grin. "She's already met my parents, but we wanted to keep it to ourselves for a little longer. I guess I blew that now, but it's whatever."

"What are your intentions for her?"

"I'm going to marry that girl." He said with enough conviction to make himself giddy. "Whatever I have to do."

Iruka smiled. "That's what I wanted to hear. You're a good kid, Shikamaru."

"Not as good as her. But then, who is?" He chuckled. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Iruka-sensei."

They were in the Nara woods, thankfully untouched by the catastrophe, and alone in the night-blackened forest. clusters of fireflies led them to a small meadow illuminated by starlight. 

"Shikamaru . . ."

He pulled her close, untying her hitai-ate and pulling his own hair free. For a long moment, they just stood breathing the same air, so close yet so far. 

"Can I?" He asked. 

"Can you what?"

"Can I do what I want to you?"

Her breath hitched. "Are we-?"

"No one else is out this way, I promise. I checked in the shadows."

"Then, yeah. But I don't know about, y'know, inside or anything . . ."

He shook his head. "I don't have stuff for that anyway. I just want to touch you, explore you."

"Can I explore you too?"

He fumbled a little. "Well, I wanted to do this for you."

"I want to touch you too." She ran her fingers along his Adam's apple. "I want you too."

"You're toxic." He stole her lips in a kiss, swiping a taste of her teeth. "Just absolute murder to my control."

"I don't have any self-control," She smirked, "it'd be unfair if you did."

It was a sudden and frantic rush to simultaneously fight off her jacket and his while also attempting a kiss. 

"Dammit." He hissed, pulling back and away from her hands to harshly undo the troublesome flak vest, taking the time to pull off the Jounin uniform shirt alongside it. She had shed the orange jacket, leaving both of them in the mesh armour. "You don't wear anything under the jacket?"

"I wear the mesh armour all the time too." She said. 

The half-chub he'd started gave a valiant pulse. "Someone have mercy on me."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She cocked her head. 

He stepped back into her personal space, sliding his hands under the steel mesh and the hardy nylon it was attached to. Her skin was smooth and warmer than his own (likely because of the Kyuubi). She had no such reservations, using her insider's pass to pull the mesh off him herself, exposing his pale skin to the cool moonlight and warm summer breeze. Her natural darker colour was even more pronounced here, skating along his shoulders and arms, where the silver-white scars littered. She had none herself, healing too fast for them to form. 

"God, you're beautiful." She breathed, fingertips sliding over freckles and marking them like constellations. 

His hands slid across her lower back. "I'm only seeing one beauty here tonight."

She raised her arms. "Take it off?"

He did so gratefully, tossing the unnecessary garment somewhere in the shadow. "Wanna lay down?"

The grass was cool on their sides, already beaded with dew from the evening. Her jacket and his shirt made up a makeshift bed, protecting them from the chill. The close press of their bodies kept the breeze at bay, the way her arms curled around his shoulders, sharing their breath, and how his arms kept their waists pressed together. 

"I love you." He said, running his nose along hers. "I love you more than I have words for."

"I know." She assured, running her hands through his hair. "I love you too, Shikamaru. With all my heart."

He kissed her, slow and sweet, tangling them even more. "Do you wanna touch me?"

She groaned. "I didn't know how to ask."

He smirked, taking her hand and guiding it down his body, letting it drag over sensitive skin. He stopped at the waistband of his Jounin trousers, skirting her fingers underneath. "However you want. I wanna feel you. We don't have to go all the way."

"Yeah, not yet."

"Can I finger you?" He nipped at her earlobe, cataloguing everything that made her gasp and moan. 

"Yeah." She bucked into the hand covering the crotch of her trousers. "Oh god, yeah."

He smirked, devilish, and boldly reached inside, feeling his way along. She replied in turn, reaching in and pulling out his shaft. 

"Warmer than I expected." She murmured, licking up his neck. "Heavier too."

He hummed, nosing her cheek then flicking her lips with his tongue. "Do you like it?"

"Yeah." She accepted his kiss as his clever fingers got to exploring. She squeezed him in surprise when he found her clit, making him gasp. 

"Firm, even pressure and a slight squeeze at the head." He instructed, biting her bottom lip and sucking it. 

"Got it." She was good at following instructions when she wanted to be. 

"I love you so much, you reckless fool." He used the free arm tucked under her head to guide her into a kiss, so lost in the sensation of being near her. It was the most exquisite torture he could put himself in, to have her all to himself and know that he couldn't have all of her yet. That didn't mean sexually, either - after this, they would part ways, find where they were camped and sleep alone, only the lingering warmth of hands and the aftertaste of kisses slipping in behind them. His dream - his vision of the future during his death - was fresh in his mind like a wound's sting. The most tantalizing glimpse of everything he'd ever wanted, desired, craved with every molecule and scrap of chakra that made up his being. "I'll never have enough."

"Me neither." She breathed, clutching his neck and some of his hair, tracing the muscles of his shoulder and chest. "I want you around all the time, no matter what. Is that a little crazy?"

"If it is, then I'm crazy too." Crazy that thoughts of a quiet, domestic life made him horny and heartsick at the same time. He can only imagine the longing inside of her - one who's never had a family to speak of, wanting so badly to start and not ready yet.

"No matter what happens . . . " She took a deep breath, mind obviously flashing to whatever happened as a Tailed Beast. "No matter what happens to me, don't let me go. Promise me that."

She took promises more seriously than she took preserving her own life, and the dark gleam in those fathomless eyes just reinforced what he already knew. Any promises he made her she would hold him to, come hell or high water. "I promise, Naruto. You're mine forever."

She let out a shaky breath, eyes dropping closed. The kiss they shared was more gentle in comparison to the others, but no less poignant for it. 

 | | | 

"Jiraiya knew, you know."

"Hmm?"

"About us."

He continued to stroke her hair. "Oh yeah?"

She nodded, though he could only feel it against his chest. "Yeah. He was the one who encouraged me to go after you, actually."

"I guess I owe him a debt too." He held the lit cigarette up to his lips, taking a long drag. 

"Owe him?"

"Without him, it's likely I wouldn't have been able to get your attention. You can be pretty dense sometimes."

"Hey!" She thumped him gently on the chest. "It's true, but you don't have to say it."

He snorted and took another long drag, staring up at the endless night sky with its web of stars. "What did he say about me?"

"Well, because you're a Nara, you're  obviously really smart." She started. "But he also told me a story about a woman he loved, and how he had the opportunity to woo her, but he didn't. He was too nervous, insecure and foolhardy thinking that if it was destiny, she'd find her way to him too. He told me how hard it was to see her fall in love with someone else, and how much worse it was to see her lose that someone else. He knew by then that she could never love him as more than a brother and a friend, so that's what he became for her. He wondered out loud if his life could have been any different with her at his side, for better or worse. I didn't even know who he was talking about, so I couldn't answer his question."

Tsunade. He knew right away who Jiraiya pined for, and exactly how he failed to act on it. 

"I told him that there's no such thing as too late, but he disagreed." She became more sombre, recalling the conversation.

"There's no such thing as too late! Where is this chick? We should go tell her right now!" She insisted, standing up and moving to get her bags ready. 

"Now hold on, Naruto." He grabbed her arm and guided her back to the ground. His expression was neutral, but there were old pains there, wounds scarred but never healed. "There is such a thing. And it's important to know when to admit defeat. Love isn't like a battle, you can't just press on until one side or the other gives. If you do that, you can lose that person altogether."

"There's gotta be a way to do it, Pervy Sage."

Jiraiya stared at her, paused thoughtfully. "Do you want to know what the hardest lesson there is for a ninja to learn?"

She perked up. "Yeah! Of course!"

"You can't have everything, and you can't save everyone." 

She deflated, watching age take over Jiraiya's expression. "What . . . What do you mean?"

His smile was desperately sad. "You can't have everything you ever want. If you do, then what's left over for other people? Restraint is a hallmark of a great shinobi - taking only what they need and being thoughtful about the world they live in. As for saving people . . . As shinobi, our job is to kill. It may not always be what we do, but it is what we're trained for. It's an integral part of who we are. Now, we might kill for money, to complete the mission or to save ourselves and the ones we love. But that comes at a cost. Someone, somewhere, loses a loved one too. We hope the day never comes where we have to lose a loved one of our own, and we do our best to protect them - maybe even give up our own lives trying - but someone always has to pay that price. It's the currency our profession deals in. I hope that you never have to pay it, but I'm not foolish enough to believe that it will never come."

She got sullen too. "Who do I even have to lose?"

"Ah, don't get like that, Naruto!" He ruffled her hair in a way he knew irritated her. "Think of it more like people you have to protect. My point is just that you have to try not to hate the people who take your loved ones away, or resent your loved ones for leaving you behind."

"But I can still try and protect them all, right?"

"To save everyone is a lofty goal, one I think we all should aspire to. I just don't want you to lose yourself when you can't." He smiled brightly at her. "Treasure the ones you love even more while you have them around you, and don't take one moment with them for granted. If you want that person around, don't hesitate to tell them so, and if you think you might be in love, you should act on that too. The worst thing that can happen is that they don't share your feelings. But who knows? Maybe the Nara will become a very precious person to you, someone you want to stand beside you the rest of your life."

"Stand beside me?"

"To have a family with." He clarified. "To have children with and pass on a legacy. These aren't just people you keep in your heart, they're people you trust your heart with."

"Oh. I think I get it."

The way he looked at her, he was seeing someone that wasn't there. "You may not have a family now, but that's the great thing about them - you can make them on your own or be accepted into them. I think you'll find that becoming part of a family with your most precious person will provide you with the best memories, the greatest strength and the most happiness. That's how the Fourth Hokage lived - with love in his heart."

"Well, if I'm going to surpass him, I should write Shikamaru back!" She ran off to grab her paper and pens and he just watched her go, a deep, nostalgic fondness written across his face. 

She stroked down the line of his abdomen. "I didn't understand what he meant at the time. I do now."

"I'm sorry."

"Hmm? For what?"

"I can't imagine how I would feel, knowing you were dead. I'm sorry to have put you through that pain."

She crawled back up his body, tapping his nose with her finger. "What matters is that you're here with me now. And I have no intentions of letting you die on me again."

He smirked. "Is that so, Lady Hokage?"

"Bah!" She stuck her tongue out at him. "I'm not the Hokage yet, 'ttebayo!"

"Soon enough, I'm sure." He grinned. "I can't wait."