Work Text:
It had been hours, hours of Leonard just sitting beside Jim’s hospital bed, waiting for Khan’s blood to work, waiting for Jim to wake up. He was exhausted, slumped in his chair and fighting the desire to fall asleep, his neck had started to ache and he could feel his eyes stinging – he refused to believe the stinging was from the desire to cry, Jim wasn’t dead so there really wasn’t any need to cry – but he kept himself seated where he was anyway, watching Jim’s pale face and desperately wishing for him to wake up damn it. The stress from that whole Khan thing wasn’t helping him any either, all he could think about was how much Spock was shaking when he returned, the look on Uhura’s face as she tried to comfort him, the way everyone seemed a little off-kilter.
It was almost shocking, after so long of stillness, to see Jim’s eyelashes flutter as he struggled to keep his eyes open, “What-“ his voice was scratchy, and he made an obviously annoyed face as he coughed and tried again, “What happened?”
“You died.” Leonard said the words so quietly that he wasn’t sure Jim would hear him.
“I know that part, Bones. What happened after that?”
Leonard shifted uncomfortably, “I used Khan’s blood to bring you back.” He wasn’t sure why everything felt so awkward, their responses shorter than usual, a tension present that he wasn’t used to.
“Well, that makes the whole ‘heroic sacrifice’ thing less impactful.” Jim tried to smile; it came out looking more like a grimace.
“I can’t believe you did that. Do you have any idea how idiotic that was, Jim?” His voice wasn’t as stern as he wanted it to be, it came out softer; sadder.
Jim shrugged, it was aching how casual he was trying to be, “I knew you’d figure something out.”
Leonard shook his head, “You can’t do that, you can’t act that recklessly and expect me to always be able to put you back together.”
Jim didn’t respond, the two of them staring at each other with a silence that felt like a valley between them. He had always known that Jim was reckless; their time at the academy had taught him that he was the type to act first and think later, but he had never expected him to do something like that. He had thrown his life aside in an attempt to save everyone, but he didn’t seem to realize that Leonard couldn’t imagine going a single day without him ever again.
“I…I couldn’t watch you die.” His voice broke, his hands clenching together painfully, he closed his eyes as the stinging grew stronger, the tears struggling to fight their way out.
“You should have closed your eyes.” The comment was clearly meant to be said with his usual snark, but he missed the mark, the words coming out much softer.
“Damn it, Jim, can’t you take this seriously?” He wanted to be forceful, but the lack of sleep and all of the stress was catching up to him. He reached out and grabbed Jim’s hand, leaning forward so he could rest his forehead on their joined hands.
Jim was quiet for a long moment, so long that Leonard feared that this was too much for him, that Leonard had finally shown too many of his cards and Jim was seeing that there was too much there for him to take on, but instead he used his free hand to stroke his fingers through Leonard’s hair, “I won’t apologize for what I did. I’d do it again in a heartbeat if it meant saving the crew….saving you.”
“You’re an idiot.” Leonard chuckled weakly, relief flashing through him and pushing away all of the tension he had felt in their conversation; Jim once again easing his fears by showing that his affection was just as deep as his own. He pressed a kiss to his knuckles and pulled his head away enough that he could meet Jim’s gaze.
“Maybe, but that’s why I have you to look after me.” Jim smiled, leaning forward just enough to press their lips together before collapsing back into his bed, “Now go to bed, you look awful.”
Leonard shook his head, “I’m not going anywhere.” He laughed at Jim’s dramatic sigh, watching the man scoot over so he could climb onto the bed next to him. Wrapping his arm around Jim’s waist, he felt the weight of all the exhaustion hit him at once; pulling him into sleep as Jim twined their fingers together.