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He never forgets Ryoji. The true Ryoji – bubbly and talkative who would flirt with anything with two legs, so rarely would his smile leave his face. He starts to wonder if maybe he is the only one who remembers. His friends only mentioned the Avatar in passing when they reunited, to make sure they all remembered yet speaking as if something they'd rather forget. He doubts anyone will soon forget staring Death in his hallowed eyes. He certainly won't.
He is also certain that he shouldn't be alive. Everyday he wakes he has to make sure his bed is real. He stares at himself in the mirror longer than he ever used to. He appreciates each of his senses more – the taste of Fuuka's food, the smell of Yukari's perfume, the feel of Junpei's calloused hand and his warmth when he gets too close (he almost regrets pushing him away). He doesn't blast music in his ears as often, he wants to hear the world around him, people's footsteps and voices, traffic and trains, cries and laughter.
He no longer sees the blue of the Velvet Room.
He misses Ryoji, but nary complains. He's already living out the greatest miracle, the struggle of life with his friends by his side. They all comment on just how much he smiles. Even when struck with bad luck, like forgetting his umbrella during a downpour or waking up with a blocked nose and heavy head, he'll always be smiling. He can't help it. It truly feels like his life has just begun.
The sense of a new beginning is especially prominent when he and Junpei collapse on the floor to their new apartment, surrounded by an army of boxes. He can't help comparing it to a losing fight against Shadows. The bad thing about enjoying life is watching how fast it goes, one moment he's entering his second year of high school and now he's only a signature away from enrolling in college. Gekkoukan seems like a lifetime away.
Have floors always been so comfortable? He doesn't have the strength to keep his eyes open, shifting into a position that's perfect for a nap. Some habits die hard. Junpei won't mind if he relaxes for a few minutes, right?
He's on the cusp of sleep when a buzzing in his pocket yanks him back into the cramped apartment. He pulls out his phone to see that Mitsuru is calling him. If it were anyone else he would have considered ignoring it, but he's learnt that when a Kirijo calls, you answer. He flips the phone open, trying not to sound tired when he answers.
“Apologies Arisato, I didn't mean to disturb your rest,” comes Mitsuru's voice. “However, it's quite urgent. I understand you're busy, but could you come to the hospital as soon as possible?”
More than anything, he's confused. As usual, Mitsuru sounds calm, so he can't gauge how dire the situation really is. Still, he agrees to go, and Mitsuru hangs up shortly afterwards. He doesn't move for several moments.
“Everything alright?” Junpei asks. He hums, not really sure himself. “Sure. I'll take your word for it.”
~*~
Dread suddenly fills him. He's on the train when it hits him like a status ailment. Of all people, Mitsuru calls him to come to the hospital. She makes no mention to bring anyone else. Is it Aigis? They used to be attached at the hip, so it makes sense that Mitsuru would inform him first if anything happened to her. Aigis did recently join the new Shadow Operatives – could she have faced serious injury already? He imagines her soft hair and humane smile, life shining in her eyes and all of it suddenly being taken away-
Maybe it's himself? Are his days limited? He doesn't feel weak, nor like he is dying. Yet he's so exhausted that he could sleep what little he has left away. He knew he shouldn't have survived. Entering a never ending darkness with no escape-
He pushes his earphones on, playing the first song on his playlist. He tries to concentrate on the lyrics, the rhythm, the instruments. He turns the volume up, so high other passengers must be able to hear. Can't the train go any faster? He mouths the words, not stumbling over a single syllable of the rap.
He stumbles over his feet when it's his stop.
Port Island is bathed in orange, the sun beginning to set. Legs won't allow him to walk, he's running, hoping his memory serves him right. The Kirijo run hospital isn't too far, can't be too far. He turns a couple of wrong corners and runs into a dead end, he berating himself each time. Finally, he reaches the familiar glow of the building. Mitsuru is waiting for him outside.
She allows him a few moments to compose himself. He catches his breath, wipes his brow and turns off his music. He has to look up at Mitsuru, she as elegant as ever in classy heels even despite the chill.
“Sorry, I didn't mean to rush you,” she says, guilt in her voice. “I thought you should be the first to know that... no, come with me. I'll show you instead.”
He's at her heel like a loyal pup. The corridors are endless, one turn, and another, and... Mitsuru stops outside of a door, turning to him, worry creasing her brow. “I know you'll have questions, but I ask that you try not to overwhelm him. We're still trying to figure things out ourselves.”
Him? So it's not Aigis? Mitsuru opens the door for him and he's afraid to enter. Who is awaiting him inside?
Step.
Step.
Pause.
Gawk.
Blue eyes. Pale skin. Black hair. Beauty mark. That bright smile, the one that rarely leaves, spreads across the face. The voice, exactly the same as he remembers. “Good evening, Minato!”
“Ryoji...?” His voice, quieter than a whisper.
Arms open, inviting him closer. “What's with that look? It's as if you've seen a ghost!”
He steps closer and closer still, until he's right at the bedside. The hands are warm as they clasp his own. “Ryoji...”
“See something you like? You haven't stopped staring.”
How could he? This doesn't make any sense. Neither of them should be here. Yet here he stands, one his hands trapped by both of Ryoji's.
Mochizuki Ryoji.
The real one, with the bubbly attitude and the glowing smile and the lilt in his voice and-
“Minato.” One of Ryoji's hands moves to caress his face, and it's only then he notices the wetness trailing down his cheek. He moves back, shakes his head, desperately tries to compose himself again. “You really missed me, huh?”
He hopes the glare he shoots Ryoji actually comes off as menacing because of course he missed him and he should be struck for even asking. If the way Ryoji holds his hands up in defence is anything to go by, it looks like he got the message across just fine. “Sorry, sorry! I know I was gone for a while! I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me!”
“Where were you?”
“I was... hmm...” Ryoji holds his head in a hand as if hit by a migraine. Mitsuru did say not to ask too many questions. Maybe he shouldn't of asked the most difficult one first, if at all. “Well, I honestly don't know where I was. My last memory was wishing you a happy new year, then... I wake up here. Apparently, your senpai Akihiko found me unconscious somewhere. Strange, right?”
Mitsuru walks in, arms folded under her chest. “He was doing a morning run when he found you,” she clarified. “He called me immediately. We were both as shocked as you, Arisato.”
“Oh! That reminds me Mitsuru-san! I want to treat you to dinner for taking such good care of me! I couldn't call myself a gentleman otherwise.”
She looks at him now, ignoring Ryoji completely. “He seems fine, but I want to keep him here a couple of days longer, just to be sure he's stable. You're free to visit if you want.”
He smiles. “I'll think about it.”
“What do you mean you'll 'think about it'? Minato? Don't ignore me too!”
~*~
He has so many questions on the tip of his tongue, but heeds Mitsuru's words and doesn't overwhelm Ryoji with them. Even if he does ask, he doubts he will get a satisfying answer – Ryoji's memories are more like scattered puzzle pieces. He remembers all of S.E.E.S, going to school, the trip to Kyoto, and even knows about Personas (though he can't elaborate much about them). However, the name Nyx barely resonates with him, and he thought the Dark Hour was the name of a movie. The selective amnesia is very similar to Chidori's case, he thinks. Ryoji only remembers his time as a human, not as Pharos or as the Nyx Avatar or as Death. Maybe it's a blessing, it would save Ryoji many sleepless nights.
After Ryoji is discharged, the two of them plan several days out so S.E.E.S can reacquaint themselves. Mitsuru and Akihiko spent a lot of time with them at the hospital, so they were exempt. Their first day out is with Junpei, who is elated at seeing Ryoji again. Probably being so used to Chidori, Junpei doesn't pry much into the hows and whys, he and Ryoji hitting it off like nothing ever happened.
He feels like a third wheel.
Next sees them returning to the dorm, where Ken and Koromaru are. Koro is warm to Ryoji, despite their last encounter. Ken is a little awkward and unsure, but can't help easing up due to Ryoji's overflowing charm. They spend the day chatting and watching TV.
He's guilty for leaving Junpei to sort the apartment out on his own. Ryoji notices and offers to help them out. He shrugs. Ryoji stays the night.
The next group is Yukari and Fuuka. They eat at a café and go shopping, Ryoji surprisingly tame with his flirting. Any questions the girls have they ask him instead, though he isn't much help most of the time. After the day is done, he's tired from all the walking, but happy. The three made good company.
Ryoji follows him home as if it's the most natural thing on Earth. He reminds him that they don't live together. Ryoji laughs.
The last meeting has even Ryoji anxious. He remembers that Aigis doesn't like him and isn't sure why. She meets them in his new apartment, clothing concealing her robotic form. Junpei is already at work. There are a few remaining boxes to one side, yet the space still feels cramped. Is it only him having trouble breathing? Aigis doesn't say much at first, offering to help unpack. The three of them work mostly in silence.
“Looks like we're done!” Ryoji cheers, Aigis pushing the last box with Junpei's belongings into his room. “Still, this place is so small.”
“It's affordable,” he explains. He'll be getting a part time job once he starts college to help Junpei with rent. Of course they'd like something bigger, but they'd like to eat too. The thought of food makes him aware that he hasn't eaten, and his stomach growls. Loud. Ryoji chuckles, checking the small fridge they had. Empty.
“We should probably go shopping.”
“I'll come with,” Aigis says. “To make sure you buy healthy food.”
The shopping trip is less tense than unpacking. Ryoji and Aigis exchange a few words, comparing products. He reminds them that he's the only one with money when they start piling food into the basket.
Regardless of his feather light wallet, they stop at a fast food restaurant to order a burger each to go. Aigis gives half of hers to him. Ryoji gives Aigis a strange look, saying nothing.
When they reach home, Ryoji tries to set up the TV while Aigis helps him prepare a simple broth for soba noodles. He and Aigis haven't been this close together in a while, what with each going on their separate paths, but her presence is still comforting and welcome.
He hears the sound of the TV in the background, then of it promptly being switched off. “Is Aigis eating with us?” Ryoji asks.
“No, the burger was enough for me,” Aigis says. In truth, too much food will be more of a hindrance to her systems.
“I'm surprised you can eat at all Aigis.”
She stops chopping, turning to Ryoji. “Why is that?”
“I mean, aren't you... a robot...?”
“You know...?”
His interest is piqued too, he turning to Ryoji as well. “I can't remember how exactly I found out. If you told me or if it was an accident...? Is that maybe the reason why you don't like me?”
Aigis ducks her face, clenching a fist. “No. I apologise for what happened in the past. It was just... a misunderstanding. It was my fault.”
“Hey, Aigis, don't blame yourself. Whatever it was, I probably deserved it. Minato can't stop reminding me how overbearing I can be.”
He's about to roll his eyes but Aigis' giggle startles him. “Yes, that much is true. However, I'm afraid my guilt has caused even more of a rift between us. I... bare you no ill will Ryoji. Not any more.”
Ryoji's smile is almost as bright as the sun. “That's a relief to hear! I think it'll be best if we start over.”
“Agreed.” Aigis bows politely. “It's nice to meet you, Mochizu-”
“Just Ryoji is fine!” Ryoji is suddenly very close to Aigis, one of her hands in his. “And Aigis, was it? A beautiful name to befit a beautiful woman! Why don't we get acquainted over a candlelit dinner-”
“May I inform you I am still holding a knife, Ryoji.”
Ryoji takes a ten foot step away from Aigis.
~*~
The Kirijo Group are a big help in getting Ryoji to settle. They sort out any documentation and identification he needs to live a normal life. Bits and pieces of his memory come back to him, though nothing that makes him a threat to humankind. The Fall was prevented, and most are sure that even if Ryoji gets his full memories back, he alone wouldn't be able to reinstate it, assuming he'd even want it.
Still, there is the burning question; how? He knows even he shouldn't be alive, he willingly making the ultimate sacrifice to ensure the world was saved and his friends got to live. He doesn't tell the others this, doesn't want to ask too many questions lest it cost him his life. He has the same feelings towards Ryoji; that if they do manage to find out how, he'll disappear all over again. So he stays quiet.
One question he doesn't mind asking Ryoji over and over is, “Why are you here?”
Ryoji blinks at him. “I don't know, I told you, I woke up in the hospital and-”
“No. Why are you in our apartment?”
“Because...” Ryoji looks to Junpei as if he'll provide an answer. When that doesn't help, he shrugs with a sheepish smile. “I like you guys.”
“Dude,” Junpei sighs. “It's like you live here. There's barely enough room for two of us, plus you don't even pay rent! I thought senpai offered you a home!”
“She did!”
“Aaand?”
“...I declined.”
He rolls his eyes and Junpei smacks his head. “Not everyone gets offered a home by the Kirijo Group, man! Not even I would be stupid enough to say no!”
“Please don't misunderstand! I'm grateful, really really grateful. I feel like such a burden but... I didn't want to be alone.”
“Ryoji...” he murmurs. To be honest, it's not as if he dislikes Ryoji's company, but practically, it's tough to pay to feed three mouths. Plus the added bills on top that Ryoji contributes to. It doesn't feel right to 'kick him out' so to speak, however... He and Junpei share glances like they're thinking the same thing.
“Don't look so downtrodden!” Ryoji says, his normal smile outshining the lights in the room. “I've thought about this too! You're right in saying that I don't have the right to stay here if I don't contribute to rent and such, which is why I got a job!”
“That's great,” Junpei says. “But that's only half the problem. Where are you gonna sleep in this tiny place?”
“Oh, that's alright! I already share Minato's room whenever I'm here, so we can just make it a permanent thing!”
It's already a permanent arrangement because Ryoji is here seven days a week. He's probably only had his bed to himself once or twice since moving in. He waves away Junpei's skeptical look, nodding to say it's alright (sort of).
Ryoji cheers, scooping them together in a forced group hug. “Great! So today we're officially all roomies!”
“Great! So you officially owe us a third of last month's rent!”
“H-hold on! Can I at least see my first pay check?”
His mumbling of 'personal space' go unheard as his two roommates bicker.
~*~
Despite it nearing summer, the nights still have a crispiness in the air. He's always preferred the colder seasons, so breathes in the air and burns the sensation to memory. Cold lips, the tickle of his hair against his cheek, an earphone attached to his right ear, playing one of his softer tunes. His right hand is clasped in Ryoji's left, his other earphone curled around Ryoji's ear. They're sitting on a bench in an empty park, basking in the light of the full moon.
He never wants to forget this moment.
Ryoji sometimes speaks about nothing in particular, he humming when response is appropriate. Ryoji bought a yellow scarf, the same one he used to wear a lifetime ago. This new one falls naturally around him, whereas the one before seemed to defy gravity at times. He realises something at that thought, just how normal this is. Countless full moons have come and gone, no nights with the Dark Hour, nor monthly killer Shadows, nor scaling countless floors in Tartarus. He's a normal college student now, working on the weekends and spending free time with friends. Ryoji works too, a normal job.
There's something so abnormal about the normal. He's not quite used to having a reason to wake up, a reason to live. He never used to fear death, and now here he is, sitting next to the literal personification of Death itself...
Personification...?
He stares at Ryoji. Ryoji notices and stares back. He thinks he understands. “You're human.”
Ryoji quirks a brow. “I should hope so, yeah. Aren't you?”
He nods, winding his fingers with Ryoji's. They were close in their previous life, yet Ryoji always felt so cold, always looked so pale, there was always something ethereal and not quite mortal about him. Now, however... He presses a hand to Ryoji's chest, making the other jolt. Yes, he can feel it, the vibrations of a heartbeat even through the cosy sweater. Beating faster and faster-
“Hey! Wasn't my word enough? Do you really have to check?”
“Sorry,” he mumbles, taking his hand away. The Ryoji next to him seems to only be a part of his full form, the human part. The part that came to Japan as a flirtatious teen. That explains why he has all his human memories and very little of his other memories.
That still doesn't answer how.
“Are you alright? You're staring at my leg.”
He looks up instead at piercing blue eyes. There's a flush in Ryoji's cheeks. His lips are rosy too. They're so close now, thighs pressed together, holding hands intimately. He doesn't mind it. He likes it. A lot.
“Minato.”
“Hmm.”
“Were we always... like this?”
Not really. He thinks he desired to be. It was normal for Ryoji to be close, to breach boundaries that nobody else could. He didn't want to like it, yet it felt so normal. He wanted him to get even closer, then their memories came back and Ryoji disappeared. Now he's back with none of those memories, none of the weight or responsibility that his previous self had. Now they have a chance. And it will be normal.
“Minato.”
“Hmm.”
“You're daydreaming again.”
“Sorry.”
Ryoji chuckles softly. “Honestly... I've felt the closest to you, since even before I woke up. No offence to the others, but with you... I've always just been attracted to you.”
“Romantically?”
A blush. “...Yes, I think so. Is it weird? I didn't want to say anything in case you got freaked out or something.”
The playlist in their ears ends, and he can only hear their breathing. He doesn't know what to say. He's never been good at deciding what to say. So, he says the first thing that comes to mind. “Can we kiss?”
Ryoji's expression is so tender, his smile so radiant. He laughs. “It's just like you to get right to the point. I appreciate your bluntness.” Ryoji leans down, breath tickling his skin. Hair is swept from his eye, and he sees Ryoji so clearly, the moon his halo. When their lips press together, he can't close his eyes. He wants to burn this to memory too. The way Ryoji's long eyelashes curl against his pink cheeks, the soapy scent of his hair, the fruity taste of his lips, his warmth becoming their warmth.
It ends too soon. A thousand years together and it would still be too soon. Ryoji pulls back to wet his lips. “I love you.”
His heart skips a beat. He didn't know he wanted or needed to hear that. He's never even imagined them saying that to each other. Ryoji blushes wildly, sputtering, “I-I guess that was too soon! I- I'm sorry! It's just that we- you... I've felt like I've always known you so...! No, that's not an excuse! Pretend I didn't say anything!”
“Me too.”
“...Huh?”
He pulls the other back down, closing his eyes this time when they kiss again. It's short and sweet, burning foreheads pressing together, noses brushing too. “I love you.” It comes out so easily. He can get used to this.
Ryoji throws arms around him, bringing them impossibly close. He hums, even while they kiss again and again and again.
~*~
“Are you two a thing?”
He sighs. Junpei didn't take long to catch on. Ryoji clutches his stomach with laughter. “One thousand yen please!”
“What, and you made a bet about it?!”
“Mina-chan was so sure it would take you at least a month to notice!”
“Wha- a month? I'm not blind! Plus we live together!”
He rolls his eyes, reaching for his wallet. “What gave it away?”
Junpei snorts. “More like what didn't. You hate anyone invading your 'personal space', but Ryoji does it all the time. And you share a room on top of that. Then the whole 'Mina-chan' stuff? And I'm pretty sure you share the same towel. And hairbrush. And deodorant. And-”
He holds up his hand. “Okay. I get it. You caught us.”
“You say 'caught' as if you were trying to hide it at all.”
“...Touché.” He waves a thousand yen note in Ryoji's direction. His lover ignores it to capture him in a hug.
“Keep the money. You can repay me in smooches instead.”
He pushes Ryoji's face away, crumpling the bill against his head. “No. Take the money.”
“No, I don't want it! Let me kiss you, Mina-chan!”
“C'mon you two, get a room!”
~*~
He doesn't like talking over the phone, but he always answers when Ryoji calls. His partner could have a full conversation with a brick wall, so he's not as self conscious with him on the line. “I'm going to be home late today, Mina-chan. I've got an audition!”
He raises an eyebrow, and it's as if Ryoji can hear it because he continues, “A cute girl at work said I had a face for radio or something? Well, I applied for some local radio work and got an audition today! I'll remember you when I reach the top, I promise!”
He sighs deeply. Only Ryoji would take an insult as a job prospect. He does feel a twinge of annoyance that someone would say that about Ryoji too, and hopes he gets the job solely so the 'cute girl' would eat her words. “Good luck,” is all he says though.
“Thanks. I'll do my best!”
Ryoji blows kisses before hanging up. He slips the phone back into his pocket, concentrating on his lunch again.
“Was that Ryoji?” Fuuka asks. He nods. They ended up going to the same college, studying different subjects. Every once in a while they would eat lunch together, when their schedules lined up. He tells Fuuka of what Ryoji is up to, and she can't help laughing. “I feel I can sort of relate,” Fuuka says. “Being told I was bad at cooking only made me want to improve more. Even being the only girl in my class makes me want to prove myself, in a way.” She smiles softly. “I'll make Ryoji something to celebrate, whether he gets the job or not. Though I'm sure he won't have any problems.”
As it turns out, nobody had to wait too long for good news. Within a week, the local station came back saying that Ryoji had been given a job. It's only for two days a week, reading a news update once every hour, but it pays surprisingly well. Ryoji keeps his less glamorous job at the supermarket too.
“What did she say?”
Ryoji looks over at him, confused. “What did who say about what?”
“Your 'cute' colleague. Who said you had a 'face for radio'.”
Ryoji's eyes light up. “Ooh! She was shocked! I think she was happy for me? Hmm, turning blue from happiness doesn't sound right though, does it?”
He sniggers, pulling Ryoji closer as they cuddle in their futon. Serves her right.
~*~
When he returns home, Ryoji is sitting at their kotatsu, a cup of ramen untouched in front of him. Once they lock eyes, Ryoji starts bouncing, gesturing him over wildly. “Come, come! I've got something exciting!”
He frowns, dropping his school case as he cautiously makes his way over. Ryoji drags him down when he's within range, forcing them to sit as close as possible. “I was watching this cute film, and I saw something I want to try with you.”
He's apprehensive, but if it's something he saw in a 'cute' movie and only involves a cup of noodles, it can't be too bad, can it? He shrugs, allowing his boyfriend to lead the way. He's given a pair of chopsticks, Ryoji with another pair in his hand, and told to tuck into the ramen. He does, Ryoji doing so at the same time. He's urged to continue.
He manages to get a few strands in his mouth, his head bumping into the other's uncomfortably. The ramen has been sitting in the water for far too long. He slurps and chews regardless. Ryoji appears strangely determined. He continues, taking another mouthful at the same time as Ryoji, sucking the noodles past his lips. Ryoji squeaks, looking between them with a gleam in his eyes. He follows, and immediately understands what he's been trying to do. He wants to roll his eyes, instead he plays along.
Both pull on the shared ramen between them, the distance between their lips becoming shorter and shorter. It's not romantic at all. He feels as if he's kissing soggy ramen rather than his lover. Plus, his mouth is already too full to enjoy the kiss. He gives into temptation and rolls his eyes as far back as they will go.
They pull back at the same time, Ryoji giddy as he finishes what's in his mouth. “I can't believe it actually worked!”
“It was gross.”
“Was not!”
“Your ramen is soggy.”
“That's because you're a slow walker. If you had gotten home quicker-”
He shuts him up with another, less noodle filled, kiss.
Much better.
~*~
Ryoji starts looking for more couply things that they can do together. Summer has started for him too, giving them more time with each other. He's not into overly romantic stuff, he finds, but puts up with it because Ryoji is adorable, taking great pleasure in the smallest things.
They go on a double date with Junpei and Chidori first, as all four of them managed to share one night off. The two couples are quite similar, he finds. One half would chat the night away while the other would quietly shake their heads at the antics.
Next, they rent a movie to watch. Ryoji's great idea is to watch a horror so it gives them an excuse to cuddle close together, only to find that he doesn't have the stomach for it whereas Minato is perfectly fine. After fighting the literal embodiment of Death, he finds that nothing else seems scary.
However, he does get a rush when they spend a day at an amusement park. Junpei gives them an incredulous look when they come back home with windswept hair, full of smiles, giggles, and a giant teddy dog that looks very similar to Koromaru.
Ryoji gapes when they go to karaoke together, not expecting such a voice to come out of him. He flushes, but grips Ryoji's hand tight when they sing cheesy duets with one another. He can't finish the night without busting at least one rap. Ryoji doesn't stop gushing for several days.
By summer's end, their bedroom wall is full of photos of their various dates, stuck this way and that with blue-tac and pins. Trinkets and flowers and the giant Koro teddy are strewn on and around the desk. The heat prompts them to sleep on top of their blankets, window open and fan on to try and regulate the temperature a bit. Junpei couldn't even take the heat, he going over to stay with Chidori for the past week because she has air conditioning.
The invasive heat doesn't stop the more invasive Ryoji, he tangling their legs and lying on his chest. He doesn't mind much either way, falling asleep has never been a problem for him. “Mina-chan?”
He hums.
“Thanks for a wonderful summer.”
He combs Ryoji's hair with his fingers. “It was your idea.”
“Yeah, but you never had to agree to any of it.”
Ryoji is giving him too much credit as usual. He didn't plan a single thing, and enjoyed himself more than he thought he would. “Thank you, Ryo.”
“For what?”
He gently hits the other's head. “For everything.”
Ryoji laughs, sitting up. They gaze at each other. He swears he can see hearts in those blue eyes. “Minato.”
“Hm?”
“I love you.” Ryoji closes his eyes. “I don't know how to explain it. I love you, as in, your self. Your whole self. You could be born at a different time, under a different name, with a different face, even if you were a girl, I would still... I don't know if that makes any sense, that's just how I feel. It's alright if you don't feel the same. You'll still always make me happy to be alive.”
His heart bursts. He doesn't deserve Ryoji. Words never fail him, he's so open and honest and bright. He hopes he never loses his glow, his kindness.
He himself isn't good with words. Written or spoken, it's one skill that has evaded him his whole life. He thinks he's better at actions. Throwing himself forward in a fight to protect those he loves, he did that without a second thought. It's so much easier to act than to speak. However, there's more room for misinterpretation that way. But Ryoji has always been able to read him just fine. Always been able to find more meaning in his actions than even he knows.
He acts. Ryoji is pushed down, and he hovers over him. He kisses him harshly, open mouthed and messy. He feels a grin, spurring his hands to slip under the loose shirt Ryoji wears. The stomach is soft, ribs hard, chest firm. The heartbeat is so close this time, in tune with his own. He pulls back from the kiss, leaving small pecks on the cheek, jaw, neck, collar of his lover. Fingers are in his hair, tugging shyly. His hands are on the back now, smooth skin such a contrast to his rough hands.
He buries his face in the crook of Ryoji's neck, holding him tight. When arms drape over him, he's at home. No matter where or what their surrounding are, right here, pressed against each other, threatening to never let go, this is home. He breathes declarations of love into Ryoji's skin, uncaring whether he's heard or not. Either way, Ryoji knows.
Sleep comes shortly thereafter.
~*~
The only thing he owns completely to himself is his toothbrush. He and Ryoji end up sharing everything else. One day Fuuka compliments his new shirt, bright with a flashy graphic design on it. He looks down, realising it was Ryoji's and how had he not noticed when he was dressing that morning? At least half the blame has to be the many sleepless nights studying, surviving on nothing but coffee.
Ryoji always comes back from work with handfuls of colourful bracelets and bands and other accessories, all that somehow end up on his person. He'll wake up with clips in his hair, rings on his fingers, and once even with his toenails painted.
“You're such a heavy sleeper,” is Ryoji's only defence when confronted about it.
Even his laptop is shared, his partner using it when he has a day off. He guessed what Ryoji had in store for him during the summer simply by going through the browsing history on his laptop. One day he'll have to show him how to delete it.
That one day comes sooner than expected.
“Ryo,” he drawls.
“Yes, dear?” Ryoji responds.
“Why are you watching porn?”
He winces at the following ear splitting scream, Ryoji dashing from the kitchen space to his (their) personal space in less than a second. “H-How did you know?! I-I mean, it's not like that at all! I'm not cheating on you, I swear!”
He tuts, shaking his head, turning Ryoji's face to the computer screen. The internet history is on full display. Apparently Ryoji was scouring adult sites for at least three hours during the night – he must've found a genre he really liked.
Without a word, he shows Ryoji how to delete all of it in a couple of clicks. His boyfriend's face is beet red, unable to meet his gaze. “Right, right... I'll know for next time then... Not that'll-! I won't look up stuff like that again, I promise!” He's covering his blushing face with his hands now. It's very cute.
He smiles, taking Ryoji's clammy hands away. “I'm not mad.”
“Really?” Though one look at his expression makes Ryoji relax. “I'm sorry. I was... uh... nevermind.”
He shakes the other, urging him to continue.
“It's dumb! I was... looking... for ideas... for when... you and I...”
That's all he can make out before Ryoji is muttering into his hands again. Honestly, he understands enough, and it makes him blush too. He's never really thought of Ryoji in any compromising scenarios, not because he doesn't find him attractive, or because he doesn't want to do any of those sorts of things, but just because... it's never really crossed his mind. Until now. And of course Ryoji wants to do that with him because isn't that the natural progression of relationships? Developing a bond so deep that you trust each other with everything, baring everything for the other to see, no secrets, no shame.
He clears his throat, scratching his cheek. “I get it. But porn isn't exactly... accurate.”
“Hmm? How do you know? Have you... done it before?”
Yes. He can't forget Elizabeth. Yet his words get caught in his throat. It doesn't feel right to speak of... previous exploits. At the time, he and S.E.E.S were convinced that the world was going to end, so what did he have to lose? Plus, he had grown very fond of Elizabeth, so when she asked, how could he say no? He can't tell Ryoji though. Won't it hurt him?
No secrets. No shame.
He hides his eyes with his hair, giving a single, stiff nod. He hopes the other doesn't see, or misreads it, or-
“R-really? Heh, wow. Um... who was he...?”
“She. A... a friend who moved away.”
“Oh! You like girls too, Mina-chan?” Ryoji grins, pulling him into a hug. “I'm glad we're the same in that regard. It makes me feel less weird.”
“Weird?” He hugs Ryoji back, settling down quickly. “You are weird. But not because of that.”
“I love your bluntness.”
He hums, completely relaxed in Ryoji's arms. What's weird is how being this close can calm his nerves so easily. He'll have to tell Ryoji about Elizabeth one day. Not to brag, but because she's important to him.
“So, about the... y'know,” Ryoji starts, moving his head back so that they're looking at each other. Despite the blush lingering on his cheeks, there's a glint of something in his eyes that Minato hasn't seen before, something that makes his heart skip a beat. “We could still try some of my ideas... I won't let you boss me around just because you're the experienced one.”
He huffs when a kiss is stolen from him. “Fine. Only when Junpei's not home.”
“Hmm, if I remember correctly, he said he'd be going to stay with Chidori straight after work today~”
He doesn't have time to question the validity of the statement, he being chucked down on the floor, the pillows surrounding the kotatsu softening his fall. Ryoji is right on him, peppering his face with wet smooches, then diving on his lips with childlike excitement. The kiss is hot and moist and oh he feels something bad when Ryoji tugs his bottom lip with his teeth. His legs force them closer, hips flush together and he's never hated clothes more than he does now. As their making out gets more heated, he yanks Ryoji's top with a vengeance, exposing most of his bare torso to the air. He's too impatient to try and get it completely off, so already starts undoing the buttons on Ryoji's jeans-
“Hey guys, I'm home!”
They scramble to sit up, adjusting clothes and hair as Junpei walks in. “Yo, Junpei!! How are you!” Ryoji greets much too loud in English.
Junpei isn't the sharpest, but he only needs one look at their tousled appearance and flushed faces to guess what they've been up to. He grimaces, padding straight to the kitchen. “I can't leave the two of you alone for one second...”
~*~
“Tada! What do you guys think?”
With two jobs, it isn't unusual for Ryoji to be the last one home, sometimes only arriving in the late evening. He and Junpei have finished dinner, watching TV when Ryoji bursts in, twirling like a performer on stage. He strikes a few poses, accentuating his long legs and slim figure. He would make a great model, though maybe it's best not to tell him that otherwise he'll be working three jobs.
“Uh... whadda we think of what?” Junpei asks.
“My new piercing, obviously!” Ryoji kneels at the table, framing his left ear with his hands. Sure enough, a large stud shines, diamond encased in silver.
“Cute,” he says.
“It really suits you, man!” Junpei exclaims. “Did it hurt?”
“Not that much. It hurt more to look at where some of the people had piercings done. I don't think I'll be going back. Unless...” Ryoji beams at him. “You want to go? I was thinking we could have matchin-”
“No.”
“You wound me, Mina-chan!” He's not wounded for long, quickly turning his attention to Junpei. “How about it? A couple of piercings won't look bad on you!”
“Hey, what is this? Are they paying you or something?”
“I wish. I just think boys look cool with earrings is all!”
That doesn't surprise him, Ryoji really took to jewellery. He's always sporting rings and necklaces and bracelets and bands. He looks more and more like a pop idol every day (another occupation to never mention in his vicinity).
Junpei quirks an eyebrow, then raises both of them as if something just clicked in his head. “Oh right. Is that the gay ear?”
“The what?” he and Ryoji say in unison.
“Y'know. How gay guys get a certain ear pierced? So others know that they're gay?”
Ryoji slams his hands down on the table. “Whaat?! Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?!”
“I didn't know you were getting your ears pierced!”
“Oh my God, is that why they were looking at me weird? Do they think I'm gay?”
“What's the big deal? You're dating Minato, so you are gay!”
“No! I never thought about it like that!”
“Dude, you don't need to think about it! If a guy dates another guy, he's gay!”
“Mina-chan! Where's your laptop? We need to check which ear is the gay ear!”
“Why don't you just get both ears pierced, then no one will think anything of it!”
“I'm not going back there if they think I'm gay!”
“You! Are! Gay!”
~*~
Winter is already around the corner. Their kotatsu was a burden when they bought it in spring. Now he's grateful for it, more ready to nap than to do any actual studying, even with all his books and papers scattered on the table.
“Mina-chan...”
At the moment though, he can't relax much. He gives up the toasty warmth and makes his way over to their room, sliding the door open a peak. Ryoji looks terrible, quite frankly, only his pale face poking out from the layers upon layers of blankets he requested.
“Water please...”
He nods, and is out of sight for only a few seconds, creeping back in the room with a glass of water. It's depressing having the normally enthusiastic, centre of attention Ryoji shrivelled up because of the common cold. He's been taking care of him when he can, wanting him back to his full energy as soon as possible.
He helps Ryoji sit up a little before giving him the water. He pets his damp hair, keeping close despite the risk of him catching the bug.
Ryoji smiles at him, one nostril plugged with a tissue and bags under his eyes. “Thank you. You're like my little nurse.”
“Little?”
“You're shorter than me, so...” A grated laugh, then a sneeze, and then another sneeze. He's already handing Ryoji some tissues. “When're you making soup, nurse?”
“Later.”
“Hmm, I can't wait. Your soup is really good, nurse.”
Ryoji downs the water, giving the cup back to him. He helps the other get comfortable again, avoiding a few more sneezes as he does so. He knows he shouldn't, but he kisses Ryoji's sweaty forehead, getting a glazed stare and wobbly smile in return.
He's about to leave when his patient speaks up. “When you have time, could you bring the toilet here too?”
He rolls his eyes. “Yes, dear.”
~*~
There's something about the night, about being under the full moon, that feels so special to him, especially when he gets to share the moment with his beloved, Minato. The cold doesn't concern him in the slightest, that's what gloves and scarves and coats are for. He keeps his favourite yellow scarf tucked into his jacket, holding Minato's cold hands.
They were in this park many months ago, when they confessed and kissed under a full moon, which was about as magical as any fairytale. Sure, he likes flirting with girls a lot, but he'll only open his heart to his dearest. He can't help wanting to do romantic things with Minato constantly. He can tell him he loves him every minute of every day and it still won't feel like enough.
Minato doesn't talk much, he needn't. It's as if he can read the other's mind at times. He doesn't understand, or doesn't remember, why he feels so close to Minato, feels as if he's a part of him. He knows he's probably obsessive at this point, knows that Minato probably doesn't feel the same, but it's truly alright. Even if one day they separate and go down opposite paths, it'll still be alright. So long as he has these memories, so long as he never forgets their fingers entwined and Minato's smile, then he'll always have the strength to live. That's what he's decided.
Minato's expression asks why they're here, looking around the park, empty as always around midnight.
“I wanted to do something with you,” he says, unable to keep his grin off his face. “You have your MP3 player, right?”
Of course he does, Minato pulls the hidden device from under his coat. Without prompting, he is handed the left earphone, Minato already putting the right one on his ear. “Can I choose the song too?”
He's handed the player without hesitation. Minato has an unexpected taste in music, lots of rock and rap clutter his playlist. He doesn't mind them, but he much prefers the softer, more cheerful tunes, though they'll usually have quite sorrowful lyrics. (Saying that, after hearing him at karaoke, he could listen to Minato rap for the rest of his life.)
After he's picked the song, he lets the gadget rest on Minato's chest again. The first few piano notes start up, his response an approving nod. He chuckles, bringing Minato close, one hand on a hip and the other grasping a hand. His lover catches on immediately, placing the vacant hand on his shoulder, steps mirroring his own. Their eyes don't leave each others, dancing and swaying in time to the music and in sync together. The park is their ballroom and moon their only witness.
The wires of the earphones prevent him from spinning Minato under his arm, however it's an excuse to keep them close throughout the dance. It's impossible to be cold like this, dancing with his true love, they finding the perfect steps with nothing but the rhythm beating in their ears. They move their hands, Minato winding arms around his neck, pressing foreheads together. His hands lay on Minato's back, keeping them swaying. Hot breath warms their cheeks, enticing lips to travel forward, meeting in a chaste kiss. He hears fireworks, feels them, sees them behind his eyelids. Every time they kiss he is whole. He is complete.
The song is drawing to an end. He interrupts the lip lock to scoop Minato off his feet, spinning him around. Minato's hold is so tight now, and he's laughing, they're laughing and giggling and breathless and nothing feels wrong and everything is right in the world at this one moment. He's getting dizzy, his feet uncoordinated. Instead of stopping he sinks to his knees, Minato following him to the ground. He's catching his breath, opening his eyes, still strangled by Minato's hold.
The song changes.
They're still for several minutes. Two more songs play before Minato attempts to move, shifting so they're face to face again. He loves Minato's eyes, every time he looks they're a different colour. Today, under the moonlight, they're blue grey, his tiny smile making them shimmer a little more. Minato's eyelashes are so long, darker than his hair, the perfect frame for his perfect eyes.
“Mina-chan,” he whispers.
“Hmm.” Minato hums.
He takes a deep breath. “I have to tell you how I feel. You don't need to say anything, you don't need to feel the same, you can call me creepy and slap me and dump me, but I have to get this off my chest first.”
Minato rolls those flawless eyes, a smile still stuck on his face. They're holding hands, a thumb caressing calloused palms.
“Minato, I... I know we haven't known each other that long. There were the couple of months in high school, and it's been more than half a year since I was discharged from hospital. Altogether, it's not even been a full year, and we've been dating less time than that. But I can't shake the feeling that I've always known you, like it's fate that we're meant to be together. It sounds so cheesy saying it out loud...” Minato cups his cheeks in his hands. He sighs. “I don't have all my memories, it hurts to try and fill in the gaps, but I'm certain you're there too. Like I've always been beside you or... within you? Even in the darkest moments, I can make out your face. You look so confident, so certain. You're holding up your hand, and pointing... You're so young, it feels like a lifetime ago.”
Minato grips his shoulders, shock and hope on his face. “Ryoji?”
“I wanted to be with you, I'd do anything for it to happen. I still feel that way. Your side is so familiar, it's like that is all I've known! I want to stay there forever. Here, forever. With you, forever. Not even Death will do us part.”
Minato is staring at him with wonder. Eyes are wide and glassy.
“Like I said, you don't have to agree to it. You don't have to say anything at all. I only need you to know that I'll always be by your side, should you have me.”
“I do.”
“Huh? You don't have to decide right awa-!”
“I do.”
“We're- we're not getting married! Don't say 'I do'!”
“I love you.”
Minato doesn't waver. That same look as the one in his dreams. Confident. Certain. He could probably stare down the end of the world with that look and never back down. So then what chance did Ryoji have to argue with him?
He relaxes his shoulders. He shakes his head and smiles. He gives in. He believes.
“I love you, too.”
