Chapter Text
Cormoran felt the buzz of anticipation, elation and sheer bloody terror in his stomach for the entire duration of his train ride. Even when he fell asleep for twenty minutes, it invaded his dreams, dancing around his mind. Robin had said yes to their having dinner tonight. Tonight! Tonight? It hit him that with an early start, a long journey and recent sleepless nights, he may not look his best.
They had agreed to meet at seven thirty at a restaurant he’d chosen. Cormoran had wanted something nice but not overbearing. If he was going to get this right, he didn’t want anything imposing looming over them, but he wasn't just taking her to a pub. For the last hour, his mind had considered where to meet her.
He could watch her from a distance entering the restaurant, getting that first look of her out of his system before he made his entrance. No doubt she would look fresh and beautiful as always... and sexy. Cormoran would see the look in her eye as she was about to enter. Would she hesitate, chewing her lip or would she be throwing open the door without a thought? The sight of her would settle him, wouldn’t it?
No... he couldn’t let Robin sit there alone even for twenty seconds. What if she imagined in that time that he’d changed his mind? That could set her thoughts in motion likewise. By the time he arrived, her eyes would be full of kindness but doubt. Their conversation would be focused on reverting back safely, not seeing how they could be together going forward.
So, should he get there first? Cormoran didn’t mind waiting for people or dining or drinking alone. That sort of solitude never bothered him. Again, with the right table, he could see her enter and have a few moments to collect himself. No doubt she’d take a moment to smile at the staff member greeting her. Removing her coat and adjusting her rose gold hair whilst she explained she was meeting him. Him! Then her eyes would wander over and catch his and he would see what she was thinking. That would pin him to the chair. Walking over in that way she had, he would have to remember to breathe.
Outside the restaurant was certainly an option. Cormoran could still have a settling cigarette before she arrived. Robin might turn the corner or arrive in a taxi and see him smoking. He didn’t like that idea, not for tonight. True, she’d observed him doing so hundreds of times. Not tonight though, not her first sight of him.
Still, he could wait for her, hold the door for her and enjoy the grace of her as she walked a little in front of him to their table. But then... how would he greet her, this was a new context? They had hugged once, they had kissed once, but that was before.
Cormoran was never on unsure footing with women, discounting Charlotte. But that was a whole other type of chaos. Robin made him feel nervous and strangely... giddy. Robin made him want to reach to her level and be worthy of her. This was without even putting her on any kind of pedestal. His entire experiences of her, knowing her had forged the view in his mind that she was better than he. This wasn’t self pity or self depreciation. It was the understanding that now he had good people fully occupying his life, life was good! Sharing his life with her had a chance of making it not just good, but amazing. Matthew hadn’t reached her level, he demanded that she took a step down. Cormoran admired that stubbornness she had to never fully done so.
The memory of their lips accidentally grazing in the hospital car park returned to him. Though everything with Jack had stolen the majority of his time and focus, the tingle of that kiss had stayed with him. It had been a balm whilst he’d waited for news. It had started on his lips for sure, but the feeling had expanded straight to his heart. There’d been enough of her already in there as it was. He’d been managing to keep that chamber locked because of Lorelei, a struggle though it was. But that accidental kiss had changed things. He’d not dated since and barring one tipsy weekend at a friend’s wedding, he’d not had even had a fling.
Reasonable as he was, he wasn’t impatient that things could truly work out. By the end of tonight, he could have an arm about her waist like the night he’d escorted her tipsy, broken self to a hotel. The thought of taking her in his arms and kissing her, even if it was only for a chaste goodnight on this occasion... he’d happily give a good deal for that. Robin had said yes, knowing what that meant. As much as Cormoran didn’t want to over think things, she had said yes. Hell, she’d spoken to Shanker.
Something then flashed in his memory, how had he forgotten? Didn’t Robin have a blind date coming up? Hadn’t she sounded excited about it? That’s what had set him off the night Ted had laid down some home truths. In the fog of conspiring what he was going to say to her and then thinking of nothing else but their impending dinner since, he had forgotten that detail.
Strangely, he only found himself smiling. It didn’t worry him, quite the opposite. Were things to go the way he hoped, he looked forward to asking her about it.
The call came for the train’s arrival into Paddington station. Gathering his belongings, Cormoran weaved his way through the crowds. Emerging from the station to have a cigarette, there was a light drizzle in London. Ducking for any shelter available, he lit his cigarette and inhaled several times.
“Need a lift?” A familiar voice called to him. Cormoran’s stomach flipped and his head snapped up. There, seated in the Landrover smiling was Robin.
Shit!
“Well come on!” Robin laughed, clearly amused by his expression. “I’m parked on double yellows!”