Work Text:
“and so, act one
when she says i love you
you know it’s true
and for a second
there is you and there is her
and there is both of you together
and this tiny fragile thing that is this acknowledgement
imagine seeing someone who loves you
standing there in front of you
saying those words
i love you
and you know it’s true
because she’s saved your life
and she has loathed you for good reasons and bad
and she has laughed with you
and cried with you, and told you secrets
and act two
of the love you give each other
- because saying it aloud is an act of its own -
the second act
is taking it apart
and hiding it away
so she can be safe.
how terrible
and how brave
and how very very in love
we must be”
- eliza 2019
act one is just six words long.
lena stands as she does every night, looking out at the city she now calls home, and waiting for the calming presence of supergirl beside her. there are few stars visible, but beneath her, windows shine brightly against the night sky, offices or homes filled with people and their lives and their problems. millions of little complexities, stretched out in front of her.
her life has always been so complicated, too. her parentage, her brother. her relationships.
which is why this hurts so much.
it’s all so cut and dry. straightforward and effortless.
nothing in lena’s life has ever been as simple as the love she feels for kara danvers.
which isn’t to say her love for kara isn’t multifaceted, nor lacking depth. she loves kara for a million reasons: her compassion, her trust, her strong sense of morality and dedication to doing what is right, even if she and lena don’t always agree on what ‘right’ is. her willingness to help whoever needs saving, and her sixth sense in knowing who that may be.
kara knew lena needed saving before lena knew.
kara became her friend and kara became her confidante and her biggest supporter.
kara became the one person lena can’t live without.
kara is a good person. the best person.
and she makes loving her so very, very simple.
lena doesn’t look away from the city as kara lands beside her, but she revels in the way her heart starts to glow, the way her entire chest warms and every worry she’s ever had seemingly melts away. kara stands next to her, the sleeve of her supergirl suit just slightly brushing against lena’s arm. it’s not a lot of contact, but lena will take any little bit of kara she can get.
‘i don’t want to jinx it,’ kara says, ‘but it’s been a quiet night so far.’
‘so we’re not going to talk about it, then?’ lena asks with a small laugh. she feels kara tense.
‘i... kissed you,’ kara says, her voice strained.
‘last night.’
kara nods. ‘i kissed you last night.’
‘you kissed me,’ lena repeats, the memory of it flooding her body with the urge to do it again. it had been a night not unlike this one. lena had said something and kara had replied and then suddenly they were kissing, tumbling off of a precipice and into something new and unknown and exciting.
kissing kara had felt revolutionary, exhilarating, like nothing lena has experienced before. much like kara herself, lena thinks.
‘can i tell you the truth?’ kara whispers against the night wind.
‘of course.’
a beat passes with kara’s hesitation. and then she says,
‘i want to kiss you again. i need to kiss you again. i can’t think, i can’t sleep, i can’t breathe, lena. because all i want… how does anybody stand this? why does my body hurt when i’m not with you?’
lena smiles despite feeling as though she’s about to burst into tears. she closes her eyes and she takes a breath, as there is nothing quite as sweet and reassuring as knowing that kara feels the same way she does.
because act one is simple, really.
‘it’s because we’re in love, kara.’
///
act two isn’t as kind.
lena’s revelation hangs over them like a constellation. they don’t speak, neither one of them brave enough to break the silence just yet. lena knows that all kara needs is a bit of time and if she’s being quite honest, she needs a bit herself. she can basically hear the cogs turning in kara’s head, trying to piece everything together. lena knows, because she’s been doing it herself. she’s played out this scenario in her head over and over again because she’s nothing if not well prepared.
here are the things she knows will happen:
they allow themselves to love each other.
the people in their lives will have opinions
kara will be thrust even more into the public eye.
lena will be spotted get cosy with supergirl.
kara’s identity as a danvers will be revealed.
the people in their lives will suffer.
here are the things she refuses to say aloud:
supergirl’s still-recovering public image will not do well if it’s overly attached to the name ‘lena luthor.’
supergirl’s still-recovering public image will not do well if it’s caught in the centre of lgbtq+ debates.
lena will ruin supergirl and lena will ruin kara.
and beside her, she knows kara is coming to the same conclusions.
‘we’re in love with each other,’ kara finally parrots.
lena feels as though she’s about to burst into tears. but instead she says,
‘very much so, dear.’
lena counts down for the next part. five. four. three. two. one.
‘and we could never do anything about it?’
lena smiles a sad, sad smile. her heart feels as though it’s sinking deep down into her being, into the aching pit that makes up her insides.
‘no, love,’ she says in a voice she barely recognises. ‘we couldn’t.’
‘even though we both want this--’
‘more than anything.’
‘if anybody found out i was supergirl, they’d come straight for you. i could never put you in that kind of danger.’
and despite promising herself stoicism, lena cries. warm, betraying tears leave tracks on her cheeks and she covers her mouth, stifling the sobs that threaten to erupt. because she had been thinking of kara this whole time, and she hadn’t thought for a single second that kara had been thinking of her instead.
she can hear kara cry alongside her, she can feel the slump in her shoulders. and she curses this love for being too straightforward and simple.
‘i think there’s something to be said,’ lena says. ‘to have you in my life like this. to love you as much as i can, even if no one else can know. at least we’re here. at least we know what it is to love.’
‘what a marvel,’ kara’s voice wavers, ‘to love you.’
‘what a marvel,’ lena’s own voice cracks. ‘to be loved by you.’
for the first time that night, lena turns and faces kara. she feels her heart beat like it’s beating for the very last time. because heart was built for loving kara, and lena doesn’t know what will happen to now.
tear stained and beautiful, kara holds out a rose, unwilted and perfect despite her superhero grip. lena takes it from her, and kara leans down, pressing a light, final kiss to lena’s cheek.
she doesn’t say goodbye; neither of them would be able to handle that.
instead, she flies into the night, leaving lena delicately holding a flower she never wants to die.
and act two ends with a pair of broken hearts, each one still beating for the other.
///
act three is a long time in the making.
lena stands on her back porch, pulling her oversized cardigan tightly around her waist. the ocean crashes against the sandy shore as she breathes in the ocean air. her hair is more grey than black these days, and the lines around her eyes give away just how old she’s getting.
the night on the balcony feels like it happened a lifetime ago, a long, tumultuous lifetime filled with all of the elements that make up a good life. success. health. happiness.
but of course, there was always one thing missing.
it might’ve been a lifetime ago, but lena’s love for kara is still very much settled in her chest. it’s not as though their friendship dissolved overnight, but the promise of what could be isn’t always enough to keep two people in each other’s orbit.
and sometimes even the greatest things can be too much to bear.
she feels the presence behind her before she sees it, a quiet warmth -- one that reminds her so much of her youth -- bubbles up inside her.
‘your hair,’ says a voice. ‘it’s different. i like it.’
lena turns around, her own voice caught in her throat and her heart beating as though it’s doing so for the first time.
it’s infuriating, really, how kara hasn’t aged a day.
she’s wearing a pair of slacks with her shirt tucked in, and though her body is still young, her eyes hold a wisdom that only time can give.
‘supergirl,’ lena says with a wry smile. ‘i didn’t expect to see you here.’
kara shakes her head. ‘supergirl is no longer with us. a tragic accident that involved no trace evidence left behind.’
‘such a shame,’ lena replies, her heart racing. ‘i always liked her.’
kara raises an eyebrow. ‘more than you liked me?’
‘no, i loved you.’
‘past tense?’
lena holds out her hand and kara takes it. she leads them into the house and to the shelves that line the living room. she pulls out a scrapbook, and opens the cover. she lifts out a rose, pressed and aged by the years that have gone by. it’s different, it’s changed, and yet.
and yet.
‘it’s the same one?’ kara asks, her voice catching.
‘of course it is,’ lena says, as though it’s the most obvious answer in the world. and then, a little less sure of herself, she adds, ‘do you still want it?’
they both know what she really means.
do you still want me?
kara doesn’t answer.
instead, she leans down and she kisses her, she kisses her the way lena’s been dreaming of for decades.
‘i never stopped loving you,’ kara whispers eventually.
lena smiles. ‘what a marvel.’
and act three ends with the promise of forever.
"what is love for, if not to be felt? how precious it is to love & be loved in return. a force like that cannot be hidden for long, and i hope that it doesn’t end poorly." - eliza, 2019