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After Lord Rodrigue’s death, uncertainty took hold of Dimitri’s heart. He didn’t know what to do anymore. His dear father figure’s death was on his hands; his monstrous actions caused it, but it would have never happened if it wasn’t for this war and that tragedy nine years ago, so wasn’t Edelgard partly to blame? Lost and confused, he turned to the only thing he knew and that was revenge. It was the only thing he could see that would keep him moving. He couldn’t stop less he disappoint those that have been lost, or at least that was what he kept telling himself.
In the cover of the dark and raining night, he slipped away like a coward because he didn’t want to see her. She was the only thing that could get him to stop; the one and only person who could make him believe that he wasn’t just a hideous monster. He feared her; not for her incredible strength but of the possibility that she would come to hate him, and he would lose his last ray of light. He tried desperately to push her away so she wouldn’t see what he became and so she wouldn’t try and take away his only motivation for living. But all his efforts were for vain.
Standing in front of the stables, soaking wet, was her-Byleth. He felt his stomach churn at the sight of her, but he pressed on pretending like she wasn’t there. He was barely able to get the lock of the stable off when he froze upon hearing her call his name. Once upon a time his heart would have soar upon having his name leave her lips but now it sunk into a black depth; he knew she wasn’t calling for him but for the student, she once had, and once she finally accepted that that boy was long gone would be the time that she would start to hate him and he would have finally lost everything.
Gently she placed her hand over his and he turned to look at her. Her eyes were so kind, and he quickly looked away before his resolve could crumble. “Please, stop this,” her plea was so quiet it was almost lost to the rain. With great effort he pulled back his hand away from hers and turned his back to her. Just as he feared his resolve was waning. “No good will come from this,” her tone that time was stronger, more demanding and yet so weak at the same time.
“W-what will you have me do, Professor?” He asked trying to keep ahold of his anger. “Let his murder go in vain?”
“That’s what will happen if you run off!” Another blow to him but he couldn’t give up. He couldn’t give into reason; he was far to gone for that. His anger was all he had left, and he clutched to it as a life preserver.
“He and the rest of them demand justice!” He roared out as he turned to face her and instantly, he regretted it. She was so tiny compared to him that to anyone it might seem like he could crush her with the greatest of ease, but he was the fragile one, the one at her mercy, instead.
Narrowing her eyes, she spoke his name and he nearly flinched. Gently she reached out to touch him and he violently recoiled back. Any more physical contact from her and that would be the end of it. Briefly her vacant stare was replaced with one filled with a variety of emotions the he couldn’t describe before it returned to her normal expression, and once again, she reached out for him.
“Begone woman!” He only meant to slap her hand away with just a little force, but his desperation took hold of him and he swung at full force, striking her in the face and knocking her to the ground away from him. Horrified, he stared at his hand and then back at her. When she sat up and rubbed her cheek, fear took over and he swiftly freed a horse and made his escape. Forcing the horse to ride as fast as it could, he ignored her cry for him.
Desperate to forget what he did, he tried to focus solely on getting revenge, but he couldn’t. Even at his lowest point he couldn’t bring himself to hit her, in fact, the thought never crossed his mind no matter how angry he got at her; and yet he struck her. It might have been an accident, but he did it that was a truth he would never be able to escape from. He could never go back to her. He was now a complete monster and so he would live like one. The war efforts would go much more easily with him gone. Fodlan could be saved, if everyone would just forget him.
Dimitri pushed his horse forward until the creature could go no more. He didn’t cover nearly the amount of distance he would have liked but the heavy rain and mud, proved to be to much for the war trained horse. Reluctantly, he stopped for the night, fate had ben gracious enough to allow him to discover an old, forgotten fort. It didn’t provide that much shelter, but it was better than nothing. He rested against a sturdy wall and buried his face in his hands, desperate to forget but knowing he never would.
“I told ya, I heard something,” an unknown voice spoke from the darkness. Pulling his face away from his hands Dimitri looked for the source. Standing in the doorway of what was once an entrance to a grand room, were two men. One had a hefty axe thrown over his shoulders, while the other had a sword at his hip.
“And who might ya be?” the swordsman asked as he casually strode over to Dimitri, who didn’t move or respond. When the swordsman was in front of his target, he gave the sitting man a quick glance over. “Don’t look like ya got much gold on ya.” Dimitri still didn’t say anything. “Oi, aren’tcha gonna say something?” The swordsman pulled out his sword and lazily pointed it at his target. “Well, talk already!”
“Are you bandits?” the prince asked as his eyes flickered between the two.
“And what if we ‘re?” the ax man asked as he now made his way over. “Whatcha ya gonna do about it?”
“Perfect,” Dimitri said as a sinister grin took over his face. Both bandits took an instinctive step back but the swordsman was halted when Dimitri gripped his blade and pulled it from his grasps. “You will make the perfect distraction.” Now with a weapon he plunged the sword through the bandit’s chest, right when a flash of thunder alighted the night sky. “Call the rest of your men! I shall kill you all here and now!”
The ax man stumbled back a bit but was quick to rally his crew by blowing a horn that was strapped to his hip. Quickly the abandoned building came alive with the shouts of men. Dimitri’s grin grew as he charged the last man in the room with him.
Blood splattered everywhere on him with each slice of his sword. His strikes were too fast, and the rain wasn’t able to clean him before his next kill. Before his kills would have been gruesome and cruel, and though he doesn’t see these men to be worthy of redemption based off their gloating of their inhumane escapades, he couldn’t bring himself to be ruthless to them. His attacks were precise going for the heart, throat, and head; if the enemy died than that was enough for him and he would move on. He was not the same anymore, he could see that in the heat of that battle, but he couldn’t go back; he wouldn’t. Everyone was better off without him, especially her. Even if he was changed, he was still beyond saving.
Momentarily he froze as he could have sworn, he heard his name being called. Violently he shook his head and locked away that bubbling hope. No one was coming for him; no one should, he told himself as he struck down an oncoming attacker. “Dimitri!” That time the voice was much louder, and he stopped dead in his tracks. “Are you here?!” He recognized the voice as Byleth’s. Forgetting his place, he turned away from the enemy to scan the darkness and for his mistake he was reward with an arrow piercing his shoulder.
He groaned out in pain as he pulled out the arrow and snapped it in two. “So, the beast can be hurt?” that was said by a man, who Dimitri assumed was the leader. “That means we can kill him!”
The cheers of the bandits were drowned out when he heard her call his name again. Her tone was a lot lighter compared to the other times and he shifted slightly to see her running towards him. No, his mind cried out, why did you come?
“You’re injured!” she said when she got to his side. He pulled her hand away from his shoulder and with a bit of a dramatics he twisted away from her to show that it was nothing, despite his shoulder screaming at him for his foolishness.
“Leave!” was all he said to her as he refused to even look at her direction.
“Well, well, well what do we ‘ave here?” the leader asked in a tone that made Dimitri’s blood run cold. “You’ll make for a fine prize.”
Gripping his sword tightly he charged at the leader. She called his name again and he gritted his teeth. “Leave! You are unwanted!” Several men stood in his path and he cut one down without hesitation.
“I disagree,” the leader said, and his tone only enraged the prince more. “Someone is gonna ‘ave to pay for what ya done. And she will do nicely.” Dimitri’s blood was boiling and glared at the vile leader but more and more insects kept getting in his way and the leader just laughed. “Careful boys! Don’t damage her too much until I had my fun with her!”
“If any of you touch her, I’ll kill every last one of you!” he roared at the top of his lungs and threw his sword at the leader, who narrowly dodged it.
“Ya shouldn’t ‘ave done that boy. Now how else are ya gonna defend yaself?” With a subtle nod of his head the man gestured for three of his men to rush Dimitri. Without missing a beat Dimitri grabbed the face of the man that was first to approach him, then used that same man as a shield to take the hit from the second attacker, and then finally threw the lifeless body at the last oncoming attacker. Slightly fluster the second man went on the attack again but before the blond could react the man was killed by a bolt of lightening that pierced him.
“Dimitri,” Byleth said breathlessly as she made her way over to him. Finally, he looked at her, to see that she was covered in mud and a cut was now adoring her face. She gripped her arm, in what he could only assume was to cover a wound. She was breathing heavily and looked like she could collapse at any moment. And just like him, she too, was a fool, who forgot to bring a weapon.
He picked up a sword from one the men, he just killed and charged off, leaving her behind. “Leave!” he ordered again before plunging his new weapon into a bandit’s chest.
The bandit leader was strangely quiet, but it mattered little to the prince as he took out the remaining bandits. With each kill he was feeling less and less satisfied. He knew that Byleth continued to disobey his orders by the sounds of spells being casted in the background, and every time he wanted to check on her a bandit was quick to make use of the opening and prevented him from looking away.
“Dimitri!” That had been her most desperate cry yet and he threw caution to the wind to turn and face her, only to discover that the bandit leader was behind him and poise to strike. There was little time for Dimitri to properly maneuver out of the way, nor did he want too as that was the perfect opportunity to strike the man, less he go after her; so Dimitri raised his sword high, ready to plunge it into the leader’s head when he struck.
Both swords pierced flesh but neither one hit their intended target. Dimitri’s sword stabbed a shoulder and the bandit’s an unarmored stomach. Byleth took both attacks and before either man could react, she used the dagger, at her hip, to slit the leader’s throat. He fell back, dying, but not before he ripped his sword out of her stomach.
“By…” was all Dimitri was able to get out as he desperately tried to piece together what just happened. “Why?” he screamed as she turned to face him. He was greeted with that smile that excited him as a child. The smile that once granted him endless comfort. The smile that he didn’t realized he so longed to see. The smile that was the last thing he wanted to see at that moment.
“Are you hurt?” she asked as she weakly cupped his face with her only good hand. Blood spilled from her lips as she spoke those words and his eyes widen at that horror.
“No! Of course not! Because of your id-” was all he could get out before she collapsed in his arms.
Slowly, he sunk to the ground with her as realization struck him. “No!” he chanted repeatedly as he gently turned her over. The sight of her blood-soaked blouse caused him to nearly stop breathing. Wide eyes darted everywhere searching for something or someone but there was nothing but the dead bodies, of his recent victims. His chanting grew louder as no thoughts came to him. With his eyes still not finding whatever his panic mind was looking for, they settled on her.
“No, please,” his voice was barely a faint whisper. He rested his head against hers. “Please don’t leave me. Please! …I beg of you. I need you…”
As if the goddess was answering his prayer, he heard the faint cry of the horse he left behind. Gently, ever so gently, he picked her up and rushed to the entrance. Standing right there, as if on que, was a horse that he wasted no time on mounting. He spurred on the horse as fast at it could go, all the while pleading with Byleth to stay with him.
~*~
The rain finally came to an end right when sunrise started. It was around that time that when Dimitri rushed through the monastery’s gates. Once inside he began to scream for help, causing a small panic to break out but he had little mind to be aware of it.
Guards rushed the gate, in fear of an attack, and the thought to calm them never crossed the rattled prince’s mind. His one and only concern was getting Byleth to Manuela as quickly as possible. Gilbert was the first knight on the scene to stop Dimitri and to try and get a handle on the situation. It was through him that a calm and understandable ordered was given to get the infirmary ready.
“Your Highness, what happened?” Gilbert asked calmly in hopes that it will help settle his lord down some.
“I…It’s my fault!” Dimitri confessed, but said no more as he raced up the stairs, with Gilbert struggling to keep up.
“Your Highness, what do you mean?”
“I should have listened to reason!” That was the only other thing the knight was able to get out of his lord at that moment. He stopped asking question and just focused on following his prince.
Dimitri pushed the doors, to the infirmary, wide open and startled Manuel in the process. “What’s going on?” she was barely able to get out before he thrusted Byleth at her. Horrified, she ushered him to quickly put the injured woman on the bed before shoving him to the side, so that she may inspect her patient. Byleth’s shirt was soaked with blood and water making in incredibly difficult to unbutton so Manuela sliced open the shirt with a nearby knife, allowing him to truly understand the horror he put Byleth in. “Dear goddess,” the doctor breathed out upon viewing the wound.
“Please save her!” At the sound of Dimitri’s voice, she jumped.
Without turning to face him, she ordered him out while at the same time order her assistant to get certain items ready. He refused to budge but one warning glare had him hesitantly leave. The door was swiftly shut behind him as soon as he was out of the room. Standing outside the room was the rest of the former Blue Lions class, in several different forms of preparedness. All at once they demanded answers from him, but he gave them no answers.
“Was my father’s death not good enough for you!?” Felix roared as he slammed Dimitri against the door. Unable to make eye contact the prince could only look away. “You needed to get the Professor killed as well?!” It took both Dedue and Sylvain to pry Felix off. “If she dies than I’m done following the boar!” Having said his peace, he left the area and an awkward silence was left in his wake.
“Dimitri, won’t you please tell us what happened?’ Mercedes was the first to work up the courage to speak.
Sighing, he stared off into nothing before agreeing to tell them. He recounted his inner turmoil and how he was too much of a coward. He then described the bandits with as much anger and disgust that they made him feel when they talked about Byleth being a plaything, but those emotions quickly drained away. “It should have been me,” he ended on, when it came to describing how she got her wounds. He buried his face in his hands. “I’m the fool that rushed in. I’m the one who started all of it. I should be the one with the hole in my stomach, not her!”
Silenced settled over everyone again and it was Gilbert’s turn to break it. “These bandits,” he started and waited for a reaction from his lord, who in turned peaked at him from a gap between his fingers, “are you sure their leader was killed?”
“Yes, Professor slit his throat. There’s no way he could have survived.” Dimitri pulled his face back and looked up at the roof.
“So, we shouldn’t be expecting an attack?”
“As vile as they were, I doubt they would be foolish enough to attack a heavily fortified monetary. Besides, we did wipe out a considerably large number of them.”
“I see. If you’ll excuse me, I shall take my leave now.”
No one spoke after the older knight left. They made themselves comfortable, or at least they tried, as they waited for the news about their professor. It took a few hours before Manuela finally opened the door to the infirmary. Her clothes and hair clung to her from sweat and she had to rest against the door frame for support. All eyes watched her anxiously.
“I have done all I can. The rest is now up to the Professor,” she said slowly. She stepped to the side so that those who wanted to enter could. The woman and Ashe were the first to rush in. Sylvain hesitated a bit but entered when he noticed that there was still room for him. Dimitri remained outside and so did Dedue. “Well?” Manuela sked after a few seconds had passed.
“I…I don’t deserve to be by her side,” Dimitri gently answered and was unable to meet the older woman’s gaze.
“I believe that the Professor thinks differently.” He met her solemn gaze. “In the middle of the surgery she woke up and despite being in considerable pain she tried to get up and find you, just so she knew that you were okay. I almost had my assistant fetch you before the Professor passed out again.” She started making her way back inside. “She cares about you deeply. All I ask of you is that you please stop trying to push her away.” And with that said Manuela joined the large cluster of people standing by the bedside.
He hovered at the door. He could hear the faint conversations of “get well soon” and such but he remained rooted in place. Desperately he wanted to go in and be by her side, but he found himself unable to budge. A few seconds ticked by before he finally decided to leave with Dedue not far behind. Unable to bring himself to leave the second floor he walked to the end of the hall before addressing his friend, “I wish to be alone…please,” was his weak plea. Dedue hesitated but ultimately respected Dimitri’s wishes and left but not before giving the prince a small first aid kit. With the first aid kit was he finally reminded of the injury to his shoulder but he ignored the pain and pressed on.
Wondering with no real goal in sight lead Dimitri to the conference room. Thanks to all the large windows in the room, lite the room in the bright glow of the afternoon sun. Everything was happening so fast and yet it felt like it was going incredibly slow to him. He stood in the doorway and looked inside. Byleth had tried numerous times to get him to go to a meeting but he always refused as it was “a waste of time” as he so foolishly put it. Finally, he stepped into the room and walked over to the table. At the head seat were some left over papers and he absentmindedly read over them. Because of how the clear penmanship was and the context of the writing, he could tell it was notes taken by her. It brought a small smile to his face to see how she was still taking her role as a professor seriously.
He stopped reading when his eyes landed on a not about Ashe, “he is still struggling with lances. Could I use this as an opportunity to get Dimitri to open up?” Taking a deep breath, he pushed the papers away as he tried to calm his swelling emotions. He looked over the room again and there was nothing of interest, except for a dark corner. The dark corner became his sanctuary and he allowed himself to sit. He struggled to patch his shoulder but concluded that it was good enough and he wouldn’t trouble anyone with it. All at once his long forgotten exhaustion took ahold of him and his eyes closed against his will.
Sleep was something he had no intention of doing but his body thought differently. His body cried out as he rose from his uncomfortable position. The once bright room was now dark as dusk started settling in for the day. All was quiet as he left the room with no real destination in mind. He found himself once again huddling in a door frame but this time it was to the infirmary. Besides the sleeping patient the only other person, was an unfamiliar faced nurse.
Unable to bring himself to speak all he was able to do was awkwardly wait for the nurse to notice him. It didn’t take long, for his unexpected presence to be noticed and the poor nurse jumped at the sight of him and dropped everything she was holding. “A-are you l-looking for p-professor Manuela?” the nurse asked as she deliberately maneuvered herself to a spot that had an obstacle of some kind between her and him. “S-she’s asleep at the moment.” Still unable to speak, he just looked at the bed, Byleth was resting upon. “Y-you can c-come in and check on her, if you want.” As silent as a mouse he nodded his thanks and stood at Byleth’s side. It was quiet for a bit before the nurse spoke up, “I-I’m going to get some supplies!” She rushed out of the room after that.
“She’s afraid of me,” he mumbled as he watched the door for a bit, “I can’t really blame her.” When it seemed like she wasn’t coming back anytime soon, he grabbed a chair and placed it next to the bed. “I wonder how many people find me terrifying?”
He stared at his hands for a bit before slowing looking up at Byleth. She seemed to be in a peaceful sleep or at least that’s what he was hoping. His eyes landed on her hand and he reached out to grab it but dropped his hand before he was close. To him she always seemed to be incredibly strong both physically and mentally; it was something even himself at his lowest point couldn’t deny and yet…At that moment she looked so fragile, like a gentle breeze could blow her away.
Seconds passed by as he watched her sleep. Whatever comfort he was hoping that would bring, didn’t exist and he was left feeling empty. He looked out the one window and dusk had well turned into night, the hardest time for him. Fearing the inevitable return of the voices that haunted him he spoke up in hopes of drowning them out, “I’m sorry,” he stopped to sigh, “no, that deserves to be said when your awake.”
Leaning back into his chair he looked up at the roof. “I never imagined talking to you would be so difficult. For that one year that you taught, I was always so eager to talk to you. I would just make up some random topic or came up with some excuse, if nothing more than excuses just to hear your voice.” He returned his sights onto her and was a bit disappointed to see she hadn’t changed. A small smile graced his feature as he recalled her confused expression, every time he brought up some random topic.
He leaned over her and for a second he forgot to breath as he realized how close he was to her. “I, truly love the sound of your voice,” he said when he worked up the courage to admit it, “won’t you please speak to me again?” Dark shadows overtook his features and he fell back into his chair. “No…don’t. Avoid me. It’s for your own good…” The thought of her avoiding him hurt more than any weapon that ever had pierced him did. Taking a deep breath, he buried his face into his hands. “Your safety is far more important than any of my selfish desires.”
“Di…mitri?” the feint whisper broke through the stillness of the night and he pulled his hands away, only for him to be held captive by the weak, emerald eyes that greeted him. Frozen and speechless, all he could do a that moment was helpless stare at her. She smiled at him and he realized at that moment he would be her slave for all eternity, if she could just see her smile more. She tried to sit up, but he was quick to break out of her spell and stop her. Her smile turned into a frown, but she accepted her position. “Are you hurt?”
“Of course not,” he answered but was still given a frown.
“You didn’t let anyone look over you, did you?” He did have a response nor could he maintain eye contact. “Here, I’ll treat you,” she said as she tried to sit up again, but he was quick to stop her. She raised her hand, but he grabbed it in a hasty attempt to stop her.
“Professor please! I’m fine.” Emerald eyes widen but she obeyed his unspoken request. Once she was properly lying down did, he realized he was holding her hand. He marveled at the feel of it in his. “It’s so warm. Has it always been so?” Though the grip was an awkward one she managed to close her fingers around his thumb and heat rose to his cheeks. He held on to her hand as he couldn’t bring himself to let go.
They sat in silence until he finally mustered up the courage to release her hand. “Professor, I…I’m so sorry,” he started but stopped to compose himself, “I am a fool and you paid the price for it. I-” he stopped when he felt her hand grab his. “Professor-” he tried again but was silenced when she gave his hand a small squeeze.
“If you are okay, then everything is alright.” She gave him a soft smile and he found himself wanting to believe those words.
The comfortable silence they had found themselves in didn’t last long as his negativity was ready to consume him. “Professor, what do I do now?” he asked so quietly. “If revenge isn’t right then what do I live for? What reason should I be allowed to continue to live for?” It wasn’t a question he ever meant to asked, he wasn’t even aware it was a question that had been plaguing him.
When she pulled her hand away from his, his heart ached but the pain was swiftly subsided when her hand found its way to his cheek. His hand was quick to cover hers and he leaned into her touch. “Live for what you believe in,” was her response and his eye widen.
“Rodrigue said the same thing. But is it possible…?” His words were barely a whisper, he wasn’t even sure if he heard them himself. He pulled away from her touch and locked eyes. “I am a murderous monster. My hands are stained red. C-could one such as I truly hope for such a life? Do I even have the right to live for myself?”
So, consumed with his thoughts, he wasn’t aware that she was getting up until it was to late and she was forcing him to look at her. She smiled that smile he ever so loved. “Yes,” she simply said and that wall he so tightly built to seal his emotions away came crumbling down. “I will help you.” He held her tightly as he cried for the first time in a long time.