Archive of Our Own

They’ve been sledding for most of the day, racing and drawing patterns in the snow. Just like when they were kids, Wayne wins the races and Darry draws the best sled art, even when he decides to corrupt the snow with a picture of a dick ‘cause he thinks it’s hilarious. Squirrelly Dan is the ref, of course, ‘cause he might be a hick, but he’s older and keen to go home in one piece to see his new sweetie instead of ‘’drivings head firsts in a trees’’ due to the ice. That doesn’t stop Wayne and Darry, though. There’s something about the snow that demands lightheartedness at any age.

The three of them shovel snow on the frozen lake and clean the ice as best they can with a broom to make an ice rink. They even manage to build a bench out of snow for them to sit and put their skates on. They get their hockey sticks out with them. They don’t have a proper goal since nobody wanted to bring one on their sled, but they have fun nonetheless. Squirrelly Dan skates well enough, but he doesn’t manage to take the puck away from Wayne. After a while, when he’s sweaty enough, Squirrelly Dan retreats to one of the benches with a beer.

‘’Say, Wayne, bet ya five bucks you can’t hit Squirrelly Dan’s empty beer with the puck,’’ Darry says with a grin.

‘’I’ll take that action,’’ Wayne replies, even more seriously than usual.

‘’Hey! If yous wants to throw a pucks at me, just says so,’’ Squirrelly Dan protests. He gets up and skates next to Darry so as not to get hit.

Wayne positions himself and squints at the beer bottle. He raises his hockey stick and shoots the puck without trying other angles or shots first 'cause fuck, this isn’t golf, it’s hockey. The puck breaks the beer bottle. Pleased with himself and with the fact that he proved his best bud wrong and will be collecting his money, Wayne smiles and turns around to face Darry. Darry is skating fast towards Wayne and breaks right before him, sending a draft of snow in Wayne’s face.

‘’What the — Take a — Fuck’s sake!’’ Wayne wipes his face and goes after Darry. Darry’s laughing as he tries to get away, but he reaches the end of the rink. Wayne tackles him in the snow and still Darry laughs. They wrestle amicably, Wayne fighting to stay on top of Darry while he reaches out for snow to mimic Darry’s attack, but Darry uses Wayne’s subtle lack of balance to throw him in the snow. Darry reaches for Wayne’s turtleneck and unfolds it to cover Wayne’s face, which only makes Darry laugh even more.

‘’You look like a bass ackwards version of the ninja turtles, bud,’’ Darry says between his laughs.

Wayne squints, trying to suppress a smile. Darry gets off of Wayne and offers his hand to help Wayne get up.

‘’You still owe me five bucks.’’

‘’Worth it,’’ Darry grins goofily.

‘’Wells, Darry gots ya, but I haves to say, Waynes, that was a nice shots.’’

Wayne nods his appreciation at Squirrelly Dan in return.

The sun won’t go down for a couple more hours. They elect to go back to the shack and have a few — or, more accurately, more than a few — beers. Squirrelly Dan only drinks two before leaving to spend time with Lovina. As much as they like spending time with Squirrelly Dan, neither Wayne nor Darry will fault him for leaving them. After all, if life ain’t about love, then it sure is about nothing at all.

Soon enough, it’s way too dark outside and they’re way too drunk to get back to the house. It’s not warm in the shack, far from it. Wayne gets the cheap air blown mattresses out he had planned for just this situation. Wayne blows the mattresses while Darry gets the sleeping bags ready and in a few minutes, the beds are made.

Darry wakes up to take a leak outside a few hours later. When he gets back in his bed, his whole body is shivering even with the second sleeping bag. His teeth are clacking. Wayne sighs.

‘’You’re shaking pert near the whole shack, super chief,’’ Wayne says.

‘’S-sorry,’’ Darry stutters, ‘’Can we put the mattresses together?’’

‘’Hard no.’’ The words were out of Wayne’s mouth before he even knew it. They weren’t teenagers anymore. That shit didn’t fly now that they were both adults.

‘’’Kay,’’ Darry replies. There’s no anger, no disappointment in his voice. Just misery because of the cold.

After a few more minutes of Darry’s shivering, Wayne says, ‘’Pitter patter.’’

Darry looks at him, unsure, ‘’Yeah?’’

Wayne nods. Darry gets up without getting out of his sleeping bag, takes the other sleeping bag in the hand that holds the sleeping bag on him and the mattress in the other and hops over to Wayne. The sight is ridiculous, yet endearing. Wayne can’t help but think that represents Darry pert near perfectly.

‘’I’m the big spoon,’’ Wayne asserts.

‘’I know.’’

When Wayne wraps his arm against Darry and brings him closer, he’s damned. Darry fits against him just as well as he did when he was sixteen. Wayne inhales and gets a whiff of banana boat.

‘’The fuck am I buying you cologne fer if yer just gonna keep wearing sunscreen?’’ Wayne asks.

‘’You sayin’ I don’t smell good enough fer you?’’ Darry grins through clattering teeth.

‘’I don’t give a rat’s ass what you smell like, bud.’’

‘’Ain’t true. You just said —‘’

‘’D’ya wanna go back to sleeping on the other side of the shack?’’

‘’Ain’t no reason to get excited. I’m zippin’ it,’’ Darry replies.

Wayne sees Darry’s cheeks forming a grin in the dark and leaves it at that. Darry’s body relaxes. He falls asleep with his mouth open. Wayne follows not long after.

In his sleep, Wayne snuggles up to Darry and brings him closer. Wayne wakes up not long after, but keeps his eyes closed. He’s warm and comfortable for now. He knows it’ll go away all too soon ‘cause he’s got chorin’ to do. He savours it while he can. Wayne breathes in Darry’s banana boat smell and flutters his eyelids. He abruptly gets away from Darry as soon as his eyes are open with the realization.

‘’Darry, how’re you now?’’

‘’Good n’ you?’’

‘’Oh, not s’bad.’’

They don’t talk about it. They never do.

‘’Cans I ask yous something?’’ Squirrely Dan starts. Wayne nods, Katy just stares at him.

‘’Sure, good buddy,’’ Darry answers.

‘’Did yous ever notice a fella walkings, talkings, doings anything, really, and thoughts ‘Wells, that’s a good-looking fella right theres,’ objectively?’’

‘’No,’’ Katy replies.

‘’Wells, I meants —‘’

‘’I know what you meant,’’ Katy interrupts, rolling her eyes, ‘’I see pretty guys and gals all the time. I don’t notice it objectively. I think, ‘I wanna get on that ride’.’’

Wayne squints at her.

‘’I don’t notice it objectively either,’’ Darry says. Wayne abruptly looks at him. Katy and Dan eye him as well.

‘’Way to go, Darry. You ever act on it?’’ Katy asks.

Wayne blinks compulsively. ‘’You’ve been with a fella since…?’’ He lets the end of his sentence unspoken.

‘’Since what?’’ Katy asks, curiouser than ever.

‘’Since the first fella I’ve been with,’’ Darry clarifies. ‘’It’s not like I told him. He, uh, caught us.’’

‘’That must have been quite a show you caught there, big brother,’’ Katy smirks.

Wayne’s relieved Darry’s lie has gone undetected.

Katy continues her interrogation, ‘’So, who was it?’’

Darry readjusts himself on his chair and drinks a long swig of his beer.

‘’It was a fucking skid, wasn’t it,’’ Katy concludes. It’s not a question. Neither Darry nor Wayne correct her.

‘’Anyway,’’ Squirrelly Dan chimes in, ‘’do you haves a fella rights now, Darrys?’’

‘’Not really,’’ Darry answers.

‘’Pitter patter,’’ Katy says.

‘’I see this hockey player from time to time.’’

‘’Don’t fucking tell me yer sweeties with the fucking nut sacks,’’ Wayne says abruptly.

Katy glares at Wayne. Darry chokes on his beer.

‘’Jesus, if it ever comes to that, I hope I can count on you to deck me, fuck,’’ Darry says. Katy hits him.

‘’That’s a texas-sized ten-four,’’ Wayne replies. Katy hits him, too. Then, Katy motions for Darry to continue.

‘’His name’s Mike. We see each other when he plays in Letterkenny.’’

Wayne gazes at Darry.

’’It’s not serious,’’ Darry adds rapidly.

‘’Attaboy! Show me,’’ Katy demands. Darry obliges and hands Katy his phone.

Katy looks at the picture, then back at Wayne, back at the picture, then back at Darry.

‘’Kinda looks like Wayne, don’t you think?’’ Katy says, tongue-in-cheek.

Wayne abruptly turns his head to look at Katy.

Darry blushes and blurts out, ‘’No, he doesn’t.’’

Dan takes the phone next. ‘’Sees, that’s what I was talkings about. Nows, objectively, he’s a handsomes man… I gots to say he does kinds of looks like you, Waynes.’’

‘’Yer saying I’m handsome, Squirrelly Dan?’’

‘’Sures I am! Objectively.’’ He hands the phone over to Wayne.

‘’Thank you, Squirrelly Dan.’’

Wayne takes a long, hard look at the picture. It’s Mike’s facebook profile picture: he’s standing on a mountain with a big smile. He’s well built, good-looking and photographs well. He’s ginger and has a beard, too. Wayne looks at the other photos: Mike playing hockey, Mike with friends, Mike on a trip. Wayne says nothing. He doesn’t see the resemblance, apart from the stature. He hands the phone back to Darry, careful not to lock eyes with him.

‘’What’s the verdict on Darry’s fella, big shoots?’’ Katy asks Wayne, because of course she does.

Wayne abruptly stands up. ‘’Back to chorin’.’’ And he leaves. It’s a pedestrian effort at best to do farm work in an attempt to not think about Darry. Feeding the cows is too repetitive. Not stimulating enough to change his mind. Which always comes around to Darry and his new fella. His sort-of fella. Even though it’s not worth thinkin’ about.

Wayne lights a dart. Darry’s a bit of a sally, that part isn’t surprising. It’s not exactly brand new information. That’s not what bothers him. Never has, never will. But Darry’s got a Mike. Wayne’s not too sure how he feels about that, or how he’s meant to feel. ‘Cause, see, now that Darry’s officially out, it means that their teenage affair probably meant something to him, when it was just hormones and loneliness to Wayne. It was easier to put it under the rug and kind of forget about it when they were both dating gals, especially since that’s the reason why it ended in the first place. Wayne had met Angie, Darry had understood and they’d stayed best buds. They’d rarely alluded to their shared intimacy in the years afterwards and never talked about it outright. ‘Cept that Darry accepts that part of him now. If Darry can do it, then perhaps…

Wayne flicks his dart and immediately lights up another one. It was their secret. Wayne’s certain Darry hasn’t spilled the beans to anyone, he’d never do that. Wayne’d been scared someone would catch them and it never happened. It’s not about to happen now. It doesn’t feel as special as it did, though. It was selfish of him, a bit narcissistic perhaps, but Wayne’d thought he was Darry’s only guy like Darry was for him. He has a knot in his stomach that squeezes his insides when he thinks about it. There’s an odd ache in his chest. He doesn’t know what to make of it. Doesn’t want to know.

He’s fucking preoccupied, though. Fuck a duck.

Darry’s too drunk to walk, Squirrelly Dan’s home with Lovina, Katy’s out with Bonnie Mcmurray. Wayne’s had his fair share of Gus n’ Bru and Puppers, too, but he’s bigger than Darry and therefore holds his liquor better. Wayne takes Darry on his back and carries him like Jesus carried the fucking cross. He’s got one hand holding Darry’s hamstrings, the other holding his arms. If Darry was injured, that would be an explanation. ‘Cept there’s been no scrap. The faint music of Modean’s follows them and Darry drunkenly slurs the lyrics of Johnny Cash’s Walk the Line. He messes up and laughs as he looks at Wayne, his glassy doe-eyes bluer than Wayne’s ever seen them.

‘’Na na na very, very easy to be true… alone when each day is through…’’ Darry half sings, half talks. He stops after that line and burps.

‘’You better not spit on me, bud,’’ Wayne warns.

‘’M’not gonna spit. I think.’’

‘’I’m bout to take a fucking migraine,’’ Wayne says.

‘’You gotta finish the song.’’

‘’Sort yerself out.’’

‘’Can’t let Johnny Cash down, good buddy.’’

‘’Doyouwannaknowwhat I can never let Johnny Cash down ‘cause he’s already dead.’’

Darry audibly gasps. ‘’That’s the meanest thing you ever said.’’

Wayne smiles just a bit and shakes his head.

‘’’Kay, but you’re letting me down if you don’t finish the song,’’ Darry adds.

‘’Tell you what I’d love to let you down instead of carrying you, fuck.’’

‘’Then stop carrying me, big shoots,’’ Darry grins. Wayne’s sure Darry knows he will do no such thing.

‘’You can’t even walk properly, ya tit.’’

‘’Got me there.’’ Darry pauses. ‘’I keep a close watch on this heart of mine…’’

‘’Yer spare parts, aren’t ya, bud? That’s not where ya were.’’

‘’Where was I?’’

Wayne sighs, resigned.

‘’Yes, I’ll admit that I’m a fool for you… Because you’re mine, I walk the line.’’

Darry laughs giddily, ‘’I knew you could fucking sing it!’’

Wayne shakes his head affectionately again. Truth is, ain’t fucking nobody else Wayne’d carry on his back like that and sing for. Not one damn person.

He hates how true the song rings.

That thought follows him ever since.

A week later, they’re at Modean’s again, drunk as shit. Darry’s dancing his heart out along with the skids. He’s having a great time, that’s fer sure. Wayne even joins him at some point, though he’s a much stiffer dancer.

They drink and drink, ‘cause that’s what they do on big occasions, and Katy’s just told them that Bonnie Mcmurray’s officially her girlfriend. It’s clear to Wayne that Katy’s gone fer. His little sister’s falling in love. Ain’t that something to celebrate? Bonnie’s working, but even then, she and Katy are almost always in proximity.

Darry comes in through the door. He’s out of his barn clothes. He even put the cologne Wayne bought him.

Darry had told them Mike was coming tonight. Wayne really thought he was prepared.

Mike smiles at him when Darry introduces them.

‘’So, you’re Wayne, eh?’’

‘’Can confirm,’’ Wayne answers as he shakes Mike’s hand. Mike’s handshake is firm. He’s about the same height as Wayne, similar build. Wayne could still take him in a scrap, he’s sure of it. Not that it would ever come to that.

Gail welcomes Mike in her own way, even tells him if he ever wants a fish’s kiss to come see her. Mike eyes her in a condescending way, not even deigning to respond. Wayne doesn’t like that at all.

Glen then comes around. ‘’Oh, my gourd! Darry, you never told me!’’ Darry frowns. ‘’Look at this gorgeous specimen with you!’’ Glen leans on the bar stool. ‘’We could talk and laugh and drink together…’’

‘’Better take twenty percent off ‘er there, Glen,’’ Wayne warns.

‘’Don’t be jealous, Wayne! You’re still my number one guy,’’ Glen says before leaving.

Darry thanks him with a meaningful look. Wayne nods.

Mike’s a friendly enough guy, though a bit arrogant. He asks about life on the farm. Tells Wayne he knows about his love of hockey and they talk about that fer a while.

‘’Hey, Mike, did Darry ever tell you he used to get boners every morning during ‘Oh Canada’?’’ Katy smirks.

‘’Oh yes, that’s a goods thing to knows, Mike,’’ Squirrelly Dan chimes in.

‘’Katy!’’ Darry interjects. He turns to Mike, ‘’It wasn’t like that. Let a young man’s mind wander at that age… You know how it is, you’re a guy!’’

Mike laughs. ‘’I am indeed a guy and I do know how it is, or did you forget already?’’ He winks. Darry blushes and hides his face in Mike’s neck. Wayne averts his eyes and takes a swig of his beer.

They’re not very openly affectionate, Darry and Mike. Still, when Mike dances with Darry, he puts his hand around Darry’s waist and when Wayne sees Darry’s huge grin, there’s a sharp pain in his chest. It gets worse when Darry kisses Mike. It’s quick, hardly anything to get excited about, but it makes Wayne uncomfortable, figure it out. It’s disconcerting to see Darry with another man. He takes his winter coat and goes outside to have a dart.

He’s tense and he doesn’t understand why. Darry’s happy, Mike treats him well, as far as he can tell. And Wayne’s never had a problem with two men or two women showing each other affection. Different strokes for different folks. Fuckin’ what bothers him, then?

Jivin’ Pete and his degen friends are smoking a couple of meters away. Wayne wouldn’t give a shit, ‘cept they’re talking about Darry and Mike and it ain’t nice things they’re saying through their laughter. Wayne puts his thumbs in his belt loops, his right hand still holding his dart, and walks over to them.

‘’What’s it to ya?’’ He says to the last degen to talk.

‘’It’s fucking disgusting is what it is to me,’’ the degen scoffs.

‘’If you got a problem with them, you got a problem with me and I suggest you let that one marinate,’’ Wayne warns forcefully.

‘’Alright, cool it,’’ Jivin’ Pete tells his friend.

‘’What fer? The more he talks, the better reason I have to fight him,’’ Wayne says.

‘’You wanna fight, fucking hick? There’s four of us and one of you.’’

Jivin’ Pete does his best to dissuade his buddy. It’s a no go. Instead, Jivin’ Pete gets further away from them. Whether that’s brains or cowardice, Wayne doesn’t know. In any case, now it’s three to one. Wayne’s faced worse odds.

Wayne’s been itching for a scrap lately and if that ain’t a good reason to have one, he doesn’t know what is. He takes one last drag of his dart before flicking it. He then unsnaps the cuffs of his winter coat.

First degen tries to square him in the face. Wayne ducks, jabs him right in the nose. He can feel the blood on his knuckles. Degen’s taken aback, brings his hand to his nose and looks at him, one, two, three times in disbelief. He charges again, helped by the other two. Wayne kicks the first one in the solar plexus to buy himself some time. Second degen punches him in the face. Wayne retaliates by punching the second degen in the stomach, then a couple of times in the face, he doesn’t know how many times he hits, can’t keep track when he sees just red enough. That degen’s down, only one left. Wayne grabs him by the collar and yanks him down on the snow-covered cement before straddling him to punch him repeatedly until he checks out. First one’s up again. Wayne punches him and he falls down. Wayne squats and grabs him by the hair.

‘’Now, I got things to say to you and I want you to listen real good. You listenin’?’’ The degen nods. ‘’I know your degen brain’s too fucking dumb to understand most things, but try to grasp this: bad gas travels fast in a small town. Folks in Letterkenny aren’t fond of titfuckers like you. I suggest you don’t show your fuck face around here anymore. Got it?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ the degen replies.

‘’Good. Jivin’ Pete, get ‘em to the hospital.’’

Jivin’ Pete does as he’s told. Wayne gets back up and sees Darry smoking a dart.

‘’Have a dart?’’ Darry asks.

‘’I’d have a dart,’’ Wayne answers. ‘’How long you been there?’’

‘’Long enough to get why you were fightin’.’’

Wayne exhales. It’s cold enough for him to see his breath. When they were kids, he and Darry used to breathe out in the cold and pretend they were dragons. They used to throw snowballs at each other and Darry’d had better aim, still does. When they were teenagers and it was just them, when they were sure no one would catch them and make fun of them for being too old to do it, they’d make snow angels, too. He can add that to the list of things they don’t do anymore.

‘’Thanks, bud,’’ Darry says with an open, soft expression on his face, like he’s putting all his emotions in those two words as he stares up at Wayne.

‘’Givin’ me the big eyes there, Dar.’’

Darry lowers his gaze and looks in front of him. ‘’Am not. You’re just tall.’’

‘’’Kay.’’

Wayne doesn’t look at Darry when Darry hands him the dart. Their fingers brush. Wayne hurries the dart to his mouth. He can still acutely feel his hand. He’s trying to convince himself it’s just the cold. He gets his lighter out and lights his dart.

When they’re both done smoking, Darry says, ‘’Come on, super chief. I’ll fix you up.’’

Wayne follows him. He always does.

Wayne’s really drunk: he’s at the point where he laughs his really annoying laugh. He’s having fun, though, so no one’s stopping him by being a poopy pants. To be fair — to be faiiiiiiir —, Katy left as soon as he hit that stage, taking the potential to be a poopy pants with her.

Squirrelly Dan and Darry aren’t at the same level. Thankfully, they don’t seem to find him too annoying.

‘’Hey Darry, talk about the time you tried to domesticate a Canada goose again,’’ Wayne says.

‘’In my defense, it seemed like a good idea at the time,’’ Darry starts. Wayne laughs abrasively. Darry continues, ‘’Saw this guy walking a Canada goose on a leash one day, thought that was the only level worth achieving in the grand scheme of things. You know you really made it when you got a pet Canada goose, fuck.’’ Wayne laughs again. Darry smiles. ‘’So, I go to the lake with bread and try to get one to come to me so I can take it and bring it home to become buddies, but I should’ve known bread wasn’t good enough fer them. They’re majestic creatures. I get closer and closer until a goose honks at me and then all the gooses honk and that’s how I got bit by Canada gooses.’’

Wayne bursts out laughing.

‘’No mans can tames the Canada Gooses, Darry,’’ Squirrelly Dan says.

‘’The guy I saw did!’’

‘’Probably took a baby goose and raised it,’’ Wayne ponders.

‘’Fuck! A baby goose. I should’ve thought of that,’’ Darry shakes his head. He gets up and opens the back door.

‘’Fuck, boys, we’re out of beer,’’ he announces.

‘’Nooooooo-uh,’’ Wayne whines.

‘’Wells, that means its times to go. See yous tomorrow,’’ Squirrelly Dan says.

While Darry’s saying goodbye to Squirrelly Dan, Wayne takes his winter coat, goes outside and starts to walk in the snow-covered field.

‘’Where do you think yer going, big shoots?’’ Darry asks him. He turns his head a bit to spit.

Wayne turns around to face Darry, ‘’I’m gonna get more beer.’’

‘’Fuckin’ where?’’

‘’The shack.’’

Darry laughs and it’s sweet, feels like something he does just fer Wayne even though Darry often laughs. Darry’s eyes are bright, big, blue, beautiful — oh. He’s lapsed into an alliteration.

‘’That’s way too far, Wayne.’’

Wayne blinks rapidly. ’’But you wanted more beer.’’

Darry walks up to him and steadies him by putting a shoulder under his arm and helping him walk. Wayne can walk just fine, but he says nothing.

‘’S’okay, good buddy. I don’t need more beer. Let’s get you inside.’’

‘’Beer should grow on trees, don’t you think?’’

Darry laughs again and Wayne’s heart swells. If only everything that ever came out of Wayne’s mouth made Darry laugh.

‘’Fuck, I got so much time for beer growing on trees,’’ Darry replies.

Wayne briefly slips on some ice and hangs onto Darry to stay upright. When he regains his balance, his hand’s on Darry’s head.

‘’Yer hair’s real soft,’’ he says, just ‘cause it’s true.

‘’Fuck, bud, yer hammered if you’re sayin that ten-ply shit,’’ Darry smiles.

‘’I ain’t exactly sober, but I ain’t lyin’,’’ Wayne says.

He raises his head to the sky. The stars make him think of the twinkle in Darry’s eyes, but he’s sober enough not to tell Darry that. Wayne’s real happy about his tolerance fer alcohol right now. Saying the star thing would’ve been real compromising. It’s funny, though, how everything seems so simple right now. He likes guys. Well, a guy. What’s he getting his panties in a twist fer? Plenty of guys like guys. He looks over at Darry. Darry likes guys. S’not a big deal. Right? There’s much more to Darry than liking guys. Darry’s funny, hard-working, loyal, has a sharp wit, he’s endearingly innocent with that goofy smile, he likes books and animals, beer and his friends, he has a lip scar he got from a scrap when he stood up fer Wayne when they were kids; a tiny scar on the left side of his top lip. Wayne wonders what it’d be like to kiss that scar again and all the other scars Darry’s accumulated over the years —

‘’Yer givin’ me the big eyes there,’’ Darry tells him lightheartedly. 

‘’Can’t give you the big eyes since yer shorter than me,’’ Wayne says to save himself.

Thing is, Darry likes guys, but that doesn’t mean he likes Wayne. Not when there are other men out there who make him happy, like Mike. And Wayne would never jeopardize Darry’s happiness.

‘’What’s the fuss, then?’’ Darry asks.

‘’I want some ice cream.’’

Darry laughs loudly.

‘’Are you fucking preoccupied? It’s minus twenty degrees!’’

Wayne shrugs.

Darry shakes his head with a smile, ‘’Yer unbelievable.’’

Oh, you don’t know the half of it, bud, Wayne thinks.

‘’Come on, let’s get inside and I’ll make you a milkshake,’’ Darry tells him.

‘’Boy howdy!’’ Wayne replies.

The headache Wayne wakes up with is tolerable, but it’s still inconvenient. He remembers everything vividly and can’t believe he’s been so careless.

He’s got a real problem, fuck.

He takes some advil and heads downstairs. He doubts he’ll be able to eat a proper breakfast. Darry’s already there, eating yogurt. Katy’s eating pancakes. Wayne sits down and immediately puts his head in his hands. That only lasts for a second. He opts to put his arms on the table and use them as a pillow.

‘’Not everyday I see Darry in better shape than you,’’ Katy tells him.

He groans a low ‘’Hmmmmm.’’

‘’Was he laughing a lot?’’ Katy asks Darry.

‘’Oh, yeah,’’ Darry answers. Wayne can’t see him but he knows Darry’s smiling. That goddamn smile.

‘’At one point he even wanted to go to the shack,’’ Darry adds.

‘’What the fuck’s wrong with you?’’ Katy demands Wayne.

‘’Mind your beezwax, Katy,’’ Wayne replies.

‘’He thought I wanted more beer,’’ Darry explains.

Wayne raises his head a bit to gage their expressions. Wayne’s pretty sure Darry’s oblivious. Katy immediately shoots him a look, though. A knowing one. Thankfully, she doesn’t bring it up. It’s hard enough being around Darry today and as much as Wayne would like to blame his headache, he knows he can’t.

Wayne groans and leans his back against the chair. Gus comes in his lap. He lowers his head on Gus’s.

‘’Do you remember everything?’’ Darry asks. Wayne thinks he sees vulnerability, uncertainty in his eyes.

‘’Can confirm,’’ Wayne says.

‘’That means I’m not gonna live down the Canada goose story, huh?’’

‘’Fuck, I forgot about that. Thanks for reminding me,’’ Katy says.

Darry groans, realizing his mistake. ‘’I’ve done a lot of stupid things over the years. Can’t yous just let one go?’’

‘’Like the time you rode your bike on the dock with the intention of jumping with it in the lake and your wheel caught in a wood panel at the end, making you scrape your knee and fall face first in the lake?’’ Wayne says.

‘’Like the time our dad was this close to catching you smoking a dart so you threw it on the floor and said a raccoon brought it there?’’ Katy adds.

‘’Like the time you wanted to try a flaming drink and you put the alcohol in a plastic shot glass and lit it on fire, causing the plastic to melt?’’

‘’Hey now, yous didn’t realize that was a bad idea either,’’ Darry objects.

‘’But we’re not the ones who drank it even though it tasted like plastic, are we?’’ Wayne responds.

‘’That’s fair.’’

‘’So, we’ll keep making fun of you,’’ Katy explains.

‘’’Kay. But I’ll make fun of yous too,’’ Darry says.

‘’Good enough,’’ Wayne nods.

Darry gets up and comes back with a plate full of bacon, pancakes and eggs. He sets the plate in front of Wayne.

‘’You should eat, good buddy.’’

Wayne looks at him, convinced he’s giving him the big eyes, but he doesn’t care ‘cause the only thing that pops into his mind is I’m done fer.

Fuck.

Worse part is the thoughts he’s been having lately keep coming back, no matter how hard he tries to suppress them. Thing is, they’re not only thoughts. If they were, it would be more manageable. With the thoughts come the feelings, tenacious ones. Wayne doesn’t know how to make them go.

He’s always enjoyed being with Darry. Now, he finds he wants to be with Darry.

Tell you what, it sure was a whole lot easier before, when Wayne’d made himself think of his experience with Darry as just that. He’d been too scared then, hadn’t been ready. Angie’d been a lifeboat at first, an opportunity to get away from the guilt and inner conflict. He’d grown to love her and the feelings he’d had for Darry’d been buried deep. A thing of the past.

Both he and Darry had exclusively dated girls after that, or at least Wayne thought so, which made it uncomplicated. Their fling had been a fluke, certainly. Teenage hormones. Wayne’s not so certain anymore. ‘Cause now Darry’s out. And Wayne’s not a teenager anymore. He likes things to be clear, clean-cut. He likes to understand. Lately, he’s been having trouble understanding himself.

Maybe he’s as straight as a hockey stick: mostly, with a bend. But, then, wouldn’t that mean he wasn’t straight? Had never been, really? Perhaps he can ditch the label altogether. He doesn’t know yet.

‘’Wayne.’’

Wayne raises his head and finds Katy and Darry staring at him. He blinks at them.

‘’What?’’ He asks, genuinely wondering.

‘’You’ve been staring at your beer for a while and it’s your turn to play,’’ Katy explains.

Wayne looks at the cribbage board. He’s about to play when Darry interrupts him.

‘’Pump the brakes. Wanna tell us what’s the fuss?’’

‘’Here’s the scoop and I’m gonna tell ya. It’s none of your beezwax,’’ Wayne answers with no animosity.

‘’Get this guy a fucking puppers,’’ Katy says as she rolls her eyes.

Darry’s eyes are still on him, full of concern. ‘’You okay there, big shoots?’’

Wayne knows he’s been acting a bit odd lately. He’s not about to talk about it, though, fuck, not here and now. Instead, he says, ‘’Just sorting through somethin’. Ain’t nothing to get excited about.’’

‘’’Kay,’’ Darry says with a furrowed brow. Katy gives Wayne another knowing look.

Wayne plays his hand, ‘’Fifteen-eight, that’s great.’’ He moves his piece.

‘’Fifteen-ten, ‘cause I’m the man,’’ Katy says next.

‘’Fifteen-four, wish I had more,’’ Darry says.

When the game’s over — Katy’s won, of course — Wayne lets Gus run around in the snow. Stormy gets in on the action, too. Wayne notices Darry smoking on the porch and joins him. Wayne takes a dart out of his pack and brings it to his mouth. Before he can stop himself, he closes the gap between him and Darry. Darry’s taking a drag out of his dart and is about to let his wrist fall to his side. Wayne holds Darry’s wrist lightly to make the dart stay in his mouth. Darry doesn’t pull away when Wayne gets closer to light his dart tip to tip. Wayne only looks at the dart, it’s all he can do when he’s this close to Darry and it’s too little and too much all at once. When the dart is lit, Wayne lingers. He doesn’t dare move, doesn’t want to get too far. It’s like Darry’s pulling him close.

‘’What time is it?’’ Darry asks.

‘’Time to get a watch,’’ Wayne answers.

‘’Time to get a new joke,’’ Darry continues.

‘’Time to shut the fuck up,’’ Wayne finishes.

The corner of Darry’s mouth rises. Wayne catches it out of the corner of his eye.

‘’Really, though, what time is it?’’ Darry asks again.

Wayne takes his phone out of his pocket. ‘’Ten past nine.’’

Darry takes one last drag of his dart before tossing it away. ‘’Gotta get home. Mike’ll be here in twenty.’’

Wayne squints. His heart squeezes. He takes a long puff of his dart as he watches Darry leave.

It’s the second time Wayne’s met Mike and the guy sure is worse the second time around. He knows it’s not just him when he shares a glance with Katy and Squirrelly Dan after Mike says ‘’I’m sure you’re doing the best you can’’ after Glen messes up his order. Darry doesn’t hear it ‘cause he’s talking to Gail.

‘’Say, Wayne, how often do you go shopping?’’ Mike asks.

Wayne squints and abruptly turns his head to look at him.

‘’Twice a year, give or take,’’ Wayne answers dutifully.

‘’Thought so,’’ Mike smirks.

Fuckin’ what? ‘’Fuckin’ what?’’

‘’Nothing.’’

Wayne squints even more. Definitely wasn’t a one-off for Mike. Darry comes over then. Wayne decides to leave it at that and takes a big sip of Gus ’n Bru. He gets up suddenly to take a leak.

When he comes back, Mcmurray’s at the bar, evidently waiting for him.

‘’Mcmurray, how’re —‘’

‘’Wayne, how —‘’

‘’Good ’n y —‘’?

‘’Good —‘’

‘’Mcmurray!’’ Wayne interrupts. ‘’Get at ‘er.’’

‘’I just came to find you for some advice about my chickens, the eggs aren’t comin’ like they used to when Bonnie took care of them and I know you always got good eggs —‘’

‘’Yer saying Bonnie used to take care of the chickens and everything was fine but then you starting tending to them and now it’s gone to shit?’’ Wayne asks.

‘’More or less, yeah,’’ Mcmurray says, blinking.

‘’’Kay. Well — ‘Kay. You know Bonnie used to take care of the chickens and they used to give you good eggs. And yer coming to me for advice. When Bonnie’s the one who was adequately taking care of the chickens. And you live with her. And she’s right there,’’ Wayne says, pointing towards Bonnie.

‘’You think I should ask Bonnie?’’

‘’Figure it out, Mcmurray.’’

‘’Thank you, Wayne.’’ Mcmurray nods and leaves.

‘’So, you’ve got chickens,’’ Mike ascertains.

Wayne nods.

‘’Well, that’s great for someone like you.’’

Wayne frowns at Mike.

‘’I’d say that’s great fer everyone,’’ Wayne replies in his best effort to keep things civil.

‘’Of course, you would say that.’’

‘’The fuck does that mean?’’

‘’Nothing.’’

‘’Are you fucking preoccupied?’’

Before Mike can answer, Darry’s back at the bar and Mike asks him to dance. Darry never misses an opportunity to dance. He agrees and off they go.

Wayne goes outside to have a dart. He takes the first drag and exhales slowly. He really doesn’t fucking like Mike. That passive aggressive shit is dishonourable and downright distasteful. And, yeah, it irks him to have his best bud’s sweetie insult him like that. He’s making an effort to keep the peace as best he can with Mike for Darry, but he can’t be the only one making an effort. Mike’s disrespectful and Wayne’s not gonna stand fer it. He knows Darry wouldn’t either if he knew about it. Darry should be with anyone but that titfucker. Wayne would feel better about it if Darry was dating a skid, fuck’s sake. Even better if Darry was with him.

There it is. Ain’t no use trying to convince himself otherwise.

Wayne sits down at the kitchen table with Darry to get breakfast. He thanks Katy when she brings him his plate and decides to get straight to it.

‘’Where’s Mike?’’

‘’Sleeping in my trailer. Why?’’ Darry answers, looking up from his yogurt cup.

‘’I’ve got a comment to make,’’ Wayne starts.

‘’Pitter patter,’’ Darry says.

‘’Now, you date whoever you want and I’m not gonna get in the middle of it, it's not my place, but Mike’s kind of a nut sack when it comes to the way he talks to people. Real passive agressive, and that’s disrespectful and dishonourable.’’

Darry’s eyes widen as he asks, ‘’He is?’’

‘’Can confirm,’’ Katy chimes in.

‘’Like, how?’’

‘’Like, for example, he insinuated that Glen had a two-cent brain, that I dress poorly and that I was just a dumb hick all in one night.’’

Darry blinks a couple of times. ‘’Couldn't he have been joking and you just didn’t catch it?’’

‘’Hard no. Wasn’t sarcasm or nothing of the sort. He wants to belittle people,’’ Wayne explains.

‘’’Kay. I’m sorry. I’ll talk to him,’’ Darry says.

‘’You got nothin’ to be sorry fer ‘cause you haven’t done anything wrong. That said, I appreciate that yer gonna address it,’’ Wayne says.

Katy’s with Bonnie, Darry’s with Mike and Squirrelly Dan’s with Lovina, so Wayne decides to have a beer by his singularness at Modean’s when he’s done with chorin’ for the day. Until Mike comes in.

Mike smiles at him in a cocky way before sitting down next to him.

‘’Just the man I was looking for,’’ Mike says, still grinning.

‘’Mike. How’re ya now?’’

‘’You put me in a pickle, I’m not gonna lie.’’

‘’Oh, not s’bad,’’ Wayne says, because that’s the way the conversation was supposed to go.

Mike raises his eyebrows and carries on as if Wayne hasn’t talked, ‘’Look, I didn’t know you were that sensitive. I was only joking. I’m sorry. Can you just tell Daryl I apologized so I can get some? I mean, you get it, bro code and all. It’s the whole reason I’m here. It’s not like the trip’s worth it otherwise.’’

Wayne immediately gets up in his usual abrupt way, which startles Mike.

‘’That all Darry is to you?’’ Wayne asks in a low voice.

‘’So what if he is?’’ Mike replies with a smirk.

Wayne takes a swig of his beer and puts it back on the counter. ‘’If that’s how you see Darry, we’re gonna have a problem.’’ Wayne grabs Mike by the hair and swings his head on the counter, careful not to hit hard enough to damage the counter or to make Mike bleed.

‘’Wayne!’’ Gail yells, exasperated.

‘’I know. I’m taking this outside.’’ He grabs the front of Mike’s shirt and makes him walk alongside him until they’re in the parking lot. Wayne throws Mike off and unsnaps his cuffs so they can square up properly.

Mike fights like a hockey player, which means he goes around in circles. Wayne follows his lead. He’s trying to control himself, ‘cause fuck, if he was listening to his gut right now, he’d jump Mike and he’d have a hard time stopping. Instead, he waits fer Mike to strike first, but he takes forever and Wayne’s patience is running thin. He feints a hit with his left fist; Mike tries to protect himself and Wayne hits him hard in the jaw with his right hand. Mike’s taken aback for a moment before becoming more aggressive. Wayne swerves Mike’s poor attempt at a jab and hits him in the nose. Mike’s bleeding.

‘’That’s it, you’re fucking dead you fucking hick,’’ Mike yells. He charges Wayne. Wayne grabs his arm to get him to turn around due to the momentum and hits him in the stomach. He’s about to throw another punch when he hears Darry.

‘’Hey, hey, enough!’’

Wayne raises his head to see Darry. Darry separates Wayne from Mike and holds Wayne until he’s sure Wayne’s had enough time to calm down. Wayne nods at Darry when he knows he’s ready to be let go.

Mike’s breathing heavily. Darry goes to his side and cradles his head tenderly to see the damage. He lets Mike go when he realizes he’s gonna be fine.

‘’What the fuck happened? Is this because of the apology?’’ Darry asks, eyeing Wayne and Mike.

‘’No,’’ Wayne answers.

‘’Yes,’’ Mike replies at the same time.

Darry stares at the both of them. ‘’’Kay. I don’t know what the fuck got you guys here, but I’m gonna fix Mike up and we,’’ he points a finger at Wayne, ‘’will talk about this tomorrow.’’

Wayne nods. He lights a dart as Darry and Mike get into Darry’s piece of shit van.

The next morning, Wayne’s having a dart when Darry shows up. He lights one up as well.

‘’How’s Mike?’’ Wayne asks, staring at the snow.

‘’He’s alright. Stopped you before you could do serious harm.’’

‘’I’m sorry.’’

‘’I know.’’

Darry takes two drags of his dart before saying, ‘’M’not gonna see him again.’’

Wayne suddenly turns his head to see Darry.

‘’Why?’’ Wayne says eagerly.

‘’I asked him what happened and he said you were fighting ‘cause you didn’t accept his apology. Besides the fact that you asked me to talk to him about it to give him a chance to apologize, I known you a long time and you never refused someone tryin’ to make amends. I told him to quit lyin’ to me, he said if I didn’t believe him then maybe he should go, I agreed and that was that.’’

‘’Sorry,’’ Wayne says, and he means it. It’s not a fun thing to go through, no matter who the break up’s with.

‘’S’okay. Figured if you were having a scrap with him, it was because you had a good reason.’’

Wayne tries his best to stay impassible. His heart is filled with warmth at Darry’s loyalty. The fact that Darry chose to believe him even if he didn’t know his side of the story makes him feel more than ten-ply.

‘’Still kinda wanna know what happened, though,’’ Darry adds.

‘’Mike’s gone. Maybe it’s best to let that one go,’’ Wayne says. The problem’s been solved. Ain’t no reason to hurt Darry by relating Mike’s words.

‘’You don’t have to spare me. Pitter patter.’’

Wayne sighs. ‘’He was talking about you like you were a piece of meat. Like the only thing he wanted from you, the only thing you were good fer was the intimates.’’

‘’Fuck. Yer a knight in shining armour, aren’t ya?’’ Darry smiles.

‘’Zip it.’’

‘’Thank you.’’

‘’You deserve better than that, Darry.’’

‘’M’not sure about that, good buddy.’’

Wayne blinks. His heart sinks at the thought that Darry doesn’t see how special he is. If only he could make him understand. Darry’s the best part of his day, fuck. Wayne can’t even imagine life without Darry. He can’t do without Darry.

Wayne just says, ‘’I am.’’ Wayne's not even talking about himself. 

Darry nods. Wayne’s not certain Darry believes him, though. He’s gonna have to do something about that.

It’s even more real now that there’s no Mike between them. Mike was a dick, that’s fer sure, but the distance he provided between Wayne and Darry was a lifeboat. Made Wayne’s feelings hit a wall at the lack of possibility. He’s lucky if he gets five minutes in the day without a thought related to Darry these days. ‘Cause when he tries to focus on other things, he always comes back to Darry. Sure, Darry’s often around, but it’s more than that. When Darry’s there, it’s like all Wayne can see is him. His brain plays over the what-ifs and the maybes, insists on picking up every detail of Darry’s behaviour, every detail of his face, like how his eyes crinkle when he smiles or how the snow makes his freckles stand out. Wayne even finds himself looking fer Darry when he’s not there, fuck.

‘’Wayne,’’ Katy says as she snaps her fingers in his face. He raises his eyebrows.

‘’Katy, how’re ya now?’’

‘’Good, ’n you?’’

‘’Oh, not s’bad.’’

‘’Then tell that to your face.’’

‘’’Kay.’’

Katy sighs irritably, ‘’You know you’ve been weird lately. I want to help you, but I can’t do that if you don’t tell me what’s wrong. No shame in asking for help, big brother.’’

‘’Doyouwannaknowwhat with the looks you been giving me I thought you knew what was going on,’’ Wayne replies.

‘’Maybe I have a hunch. Still think there’s something to talk about. If you stop being repressed.’’

‘’Okay Katy. Katy okay. Okay Katy.’’ He looks to his left, then to his right to make sure neither Squirrelly Dan nor Darry are there. Especially Darry. ‘’Been thinking a lot about Darry lately. In a way that’s not strictly appropriate.’’

‘’Fucking knew it. What are you gonna do about it?’’ Katy says defiantly.

He’s never been in that situation before. He doesn’t know what to do. Or even if he should do something. If he does something and it doesn’t work out, it could be real fucking awkward. He could even lose his best bud. Perhaps it’s better to sit on it and hope it goes away. Truth is, it’s better to be just buds with Darry than not have Darry in his life at all. After all, less you say now, less you have to apologize fer later.

‘’Well if I knew I wouldn’t be in this shit, now, would I?’’ Wayne answers.

‘’You could always tell him.’’

Wayne shakes his head. ‘’I’m not good with …’’ Words. Feelings. Vulnerability. ‘’Besides, don’t wanna risk losing him.’’

‘’So, your plan is to pine after him and suffer in silence for what could be years because you’re gonna dwell on the possibility of you and Darry and that will prevent you from finding happiness elsewhere and there’s gonna be this weird energy when you’re around Darry that will make you both uncomfortable and you’ll break down when Darry finds someone and by then it’ll be too late and you’ll curse yourself for not trying when you could have and you’ll be miserable.’’

‘’Fuck. ‘Kay.’’ When Katy puts it like that, it sure as fuck sounds bleak. ‘’But, like, what if he doesn’t…?’’

‘’Then you can both deal with it and move on.’’

Wayne winces. He doesn’t want to move on from Darry. Doesn’t like thinking he might have to.

Katy’s eyes soften. She gets closer to him and puts her arms on his shoulders.

‘’Look, love isn’t made for cowards. You —‘’

‘’Pump the brakes. Who said anything about the ‘L’ word?’’

Katy raises an eyebrow at him. She waits until he stares back at her directly in the eyes. ‘’I can read you. Cut the shit.’’

Wayne groans. ‘’’Kay.’’ He’d been avoiding using that word, he has a hard fucking time with that word, always has, but fuck, it is what it is. Sure as God’s got sandals it is love he has for Darry. Which is why he’s fucking terrified.

‘’You owe it to yourself to try. Maybe it won’t go well, but maybe it will. You won’t know until you try,’’ Katy says seriously.

Wayne nods.

Darry arrives a little later, covered in snow. His eyelashes are frozen, his face all red.

‘’D’you walk here?’’ Wayne asks, incredulous.

‘’Yeah,’’ Darry says as he takes off his winter hat.

‘’Fuckin’ why?’’ Wayne eyes Darry. He knows why. He just wants Darry to say it.

‘’No reason,’’ Darry says, staring back at Wayne.

‘’Oh, sure. ‘Cause everyone enjoys a walk in knee-high snow with no snowshoes on when it’s minus fifteen degrees outside. It’s just the tits when yer nose hair freezes and you can’t feel yer face.’’

Darry frowns. ’’Fine. My van’s not working.’’

Wayne smiles at his victory. ‘’You really should get rid of that piece of shit, bud.’’

‘’You said it yourself, it’s minus fifteen degrees! Just wait until it warms up. She’ll perform.’’

‘’You live in Canada. If your van can’t work half of the year, it’s a shit van.’’

‘’No, it isn’t!’’

‘’Yes, it is.’’

‘’No, it —‘’

‘’Brrrr!’’ Both Wayne and Darry turn around to see Squirrelly Dan. ‘’Sures is colder thans a witch’s tit today. Bests to avoids it if yous cans.’’

Wayne turns his head abruptly to look at Darry. ’’Hear that, Darry?’’

‘’You beens outsides, Darry? Whats fer?’’ Squirrelly Dan questions.

‘’His van broke down again,’’ Wayne explains.

Squirrelly Dan nods in understanding. ‘’Hates to says it, buts you really shoulds get a new forms of transportations.’’

Wayne smiles when Darry frowns at him.

‘’Shut it,’’ Darry tells Wayne. Wayne’s still smiling.

They’re playing bullshit, which is impossible to do when there are five players — Bonnie’s with them, too — and they can’t go a single round without calling bullshit.

‘’There aren’t enough fucking cards to play bullshit with five people,’’ Darry says.

‘’It was your idea, dipshit,’’ Katy calls out.

‘’How about we play asshole with two decks of cards instead?’’ Bonnie suggests.

‘’I thinks that’s a fines idea, Bonnies,’’ Squirrelly Dan says.

‘’Can’t play asshole with five people. There’s a role missing,’’ Wayne objects.

‘’Sure, you can. You just add a role. President, vice president, secretary, janitor, asshole,’’ Katy says.

‘’You just don’t want to play,’’ Darry smiles.

Wayne gets up and brings another deck of cards.

‘’If I start off by being the asshole again I’m boycotting this game, fuck,’’ Wayne says as he puts all the cards face down on the table.

‘’He always gets the lowest card when we start,’’ Katy explains to Bonnie.

‘’And he never manages to go up from there, not even to janitor,’’ Darry adds.

Bonnie gets a jack, Katy a nine, Darry an eight, Squirrelly Dan a three.

‘’Nows you gots a good chance of beatings me, Waynes. I believes in you,’’ Squirrelly Dan says.

‘’Let’s get this over with,’’ Wayne says as he picks his card. It’s a two.

‘’Fuck!’’ He throws the card on the table to show everyone.

‘’The cards are punishing you, good buddy. You did something they don’t like,’’ Darry says, shaking his head.

‘’Yeah. Bad karma,’’ Bonnie continues.

‘’Cards aren’t sentient. Figure it out,’’ Wayne says. He picks all the cards and starts shuffling.

They’re pretty hammered and it’s late, so they call it a day. Squirrelly Dan leaves first, eager to get some sleep before chorin’ tomorrow. He’s gone faster than it takes Wayne to finish his beer. Bonnie’s staying over; she and Katy have already gone up to Katy’s room. Darry’s in the process of putting his coat on.

‘’The fuck you think yer doing?’’ Wayne asks him.

‘’Going home,’’ Darry says, frowning.

‘’Like hell you are. It’s even colder now than it was when you came in. I’m too hammered to give you a lift and yer too hammered to take your sled that you left in the garage back home. Take the guest room, bud. You gotta wake up early for chorin’ anyway.’’

‘’’Kay. Thanks, bud.’’

Wayne nods. He goes to bed, wide awake. He hasn’t been sleeping well lately, but it’s even worse when he knows Darry’s so close. As if conjured, Darry knocks on his door not long after.

‘’You got some pj’s you could lend me?’’

‘’Sure.’’

Wayne gets up in his abrupt way and gets the clothes out of the drawer. He hands them to Darry.

‘’My favourite pair. Thanks, bud,’’ Darry says.

‘’You got a favourite pair of my pj’s?’’ Wayne squints.

‘’Yeah. You lent me a lot of pj’s over the years, but that one’s the best ‘cause it’s the coziest. All your pj’s are cozy ‘cause they’re too big on me, but this flannel’s extra soft. And I like the detergent you use. What is it?’’ Darry rambles.

Wayne blinks rapidly. He’s trying to absorb and comprehend everything Darry just said. His heart’s beating a little fast, too.

‘’Tide,’’ he answers.

‘’No, it isn’t. I use Tide. This,’’ Darry brings the clothes close to his nose and inhales, ‘’ain’t Tide. It smells like citrus fruit.’’

‘’Don’t know what to tell ya, Darry. Maybe we switched detergents. Haven’t worn that set in a while.’’

Darry gets closer to Wayne and smells the collar of his pj’s. Wayne’s heart skips a beat. He swallows.

‘’Shit, yer right. You smell like Tide. Plus a little something, but I know that’s you and not the detergent. Anyway, good night, bud.’’ Darry’s out the door faster than it takes to say ‘’pitter patter’’.

Darry knows what he smells like? Has paid attention to it? Loves wearing Wayne’s clothes?

Well, fuck. Wayne isn’t gonna be able to sleep now, that’s fer sure. After an hour awake in his bed, Wayne gets up. He doesn’t change, but he puts on his winter coat and goes outside to have a dart. He’s sobered up enough to drive. Might as well go to the store and get Darry some yogurt for breakfast tomorrow. It’s a bit soft, he knows, but fuck it. He is soft. For Darry.

Wayne wakes up a bit earlier than usual. Everyone’s asleep. He gets in his truck and leaves as soundlessly as possible.

Darry’s van really is a fucking piece of shit. It’s decrepit.

Darry never locks his door. Wayne’s scolded him about it before, especially since Darry doesn’t even lock it when he sleeps. Darry had laughed and said, ‘’Who’s gonna try to steal a second rate TV and hurt a hick like me? Besides, I live half a kilometer away from yer house. Just gotta scream loud enough fer the toughest guy in Letterkenny to come ‘round.’’ Darry was teasing then. He didn’t know how true his words were. Wayne would come running if Darry called his name. No matter what. No matter when. No use being the toughest guy in Letterkenny if you can’t stand up for the ones you love. There. He can’t say it, but he can think it.

Wayne gets inside the trailer to get the keys to the van. It’s an alright trailer, a bit old, but it’s clean enough, apart from the dart butts in the ashtray and the few Puppers bottles lying around. Wayne picks it all up and puts it in the trash.

He puts the keys in the ignition and tries to start the van to get a feel of the problem. Wayne’s not a mechanic, but he can find his way around a car. Youtube also helps. He gets to work.

It takes him about two hours, including the time he took to get the pieces he needed at the town garage.

He gets back to the house just in time for breakfast. He exchanges the usual greetings with Katy, Bonnie and Darry and then sits down at the kitchen table. Darry’s evidently found the yogurt in the fridge since he’s eating what appears to be his second yogurt cup.

‘’I put the pj’s back on your bed,’’ Darry says.

‘’Tell you what, Darry, you can keep them if you want to,’’ Wayne replies.

Darry cocks his head to the left as he eyes Wayne. ‘’Yeah?’’

‘’Sure. Yer probably gonna lose the citrus smell when you wash it, though.’’

‘’Eh, that’s okay. Tide smells good, too,’’ Darry smiles.

Bonnie looks at them both rapidly with question marks in her eyes, then at Katy. Darry doesn’t catch it, but Wayne does. Katy’s expression signifies that she knows and that they should drop it for now. Wayne squints at them. Bonnie pretends she doesn’t notice.

When she finishes her plate, Bonnie says, chipper, ‘’Gotta get to work.’’

‘’Noooooo-uh,’’ Katy protests.

‘’I have to make sure I can treat my gal. Also, yous are my best customers,’’ Bonnie smiles.

‘’That’s fair. See you later?’’ Katy smiles back. Bonnie nods. They kiss each other goodbye.

‘’If that ain’t sweeter than Anna Mae’s bakery signature sugar-maple pie,’’ Darry grins.

‘’Go home, Daryl,’’ Katy says as she glares at him.

‘’Aw, she’s bashful,’’ Darry grins wider.

‘’Cool it, or she’s gonna come over there and talk to ya, bud,’’ Wayne warns with a small smile.

‘’Alright, got it,’’ Darry says, failing to suppress his grin.

Darry takes his sled back to his trailer that night. Wayne wishes he didn’t.

The next morning, Darry arrives and puts his hand on Wayne’s right shoulder. Wayne looks at Darry’s hand, then at Darry. Wayne’s acutely aware of his shoulder. He feels warmth where Darry’s touching him, a special kind of warmth only Darry can give him, whether it be with kind words, a laugh, a smile or a touch.

‘’Thanks fer the van, big shoots,’’ Darry says quietly. ‘’And the cleaning.’’ It’s full of tenderness, from the way he says it to the soft smile he offers Wayne to his gentle doe eyes.

Wayne has the urge to touch Darry’s hand. He doesn’t want to resist it. He’s tired of fighting against the current, of being scared to drown. He uncrosses his arms and puts his left hand atop Darry’s, softly patting it as he looks in Darry’s eyes.

‘’Yer welcome, little shoots. Don’t know how long it’ll last, though.’’

‘’The van or the trailer being clean?’’

Wayne smirks just a bit, ‘’Both.’’

‘’Oh, it’ll last. Don’t you worry,’’ Darry says seriously, like maybe he’s talking about something else.

That night, Wayne’s drinking by his singularness at his kitchen table when Katy comes in. He immediately gets up, takes a swig of his beer and announces, ‘’Been putting it off long enough, fuck.’’ Katy smiles slightly, but he’s out the door before she can say something.

He’s nervous. The lights inside Darry’s trailer are on; at least, he won’t wake Darry up. Darry opens the door quickly.

‘’Darry, how’re you now?’’ He blurts out ‘cause it’s easy, it’s rehearsed. It’s a script he’s familiar and comfortable with. God knows what he wants to say after that isn’t.

‘’Good ’n you?’’ Darry answers.

‘’Oh, not s’bad.’’

‘’Wanna come in?’’

‘’Sure. Thank you.’’

Wayne stands awfully still, more than usual, in the middle of Darry’s trailer.

‘’Have a beer?’’ Darry asks.

‘’I’d have a beer,’’ Wayne says. Darry opens the beer bottle and hands it to him.

Darry sits on the bed. Wayne’s still standing.

‘’Something wrong?’’ Darry asks, full of concern.

‘’No.’’

‘’’Kay. I’ll stay here.’’ Darry waits patiently while Wayne tries to gather his words. Wayne’s grateful that Darry understands.

‘’’Kay. Well — ‘kay. I been trying to tell you — to show you ‘cause I can’t say the words, fuck.’’ Wayne pauses.

Darry gets up, puts his beer on the counter, takes Wayne’s beer and puts it on the counter, too.

‘’S’okay. You don’t have to, super chief. I speak Wayne pert near fluently,’’ Darry offers a tentative smile.

Wayne blinks. He wasn’t expecting that.

‘’Lately, you’ve been doin’ awfully nice things fer me. You’ve always been a stand-up guy, don’t get me wrong, but it’s more attentive than what I’m used to from you. I figured, maybe it means something more. Or, maybe I was just seeing something when there was nothing to see. ‘Cept you’re here now, and I think I might have been right on the money.’’

At this moment, Wayne knows he’s never looked at someone with that much tenderness. He can’t believe his luck. Darry knows exactly who Wayne is, how he works, how and when to help him. He cups Darry’s face and kisses him hesitantly, to see if it’s real, to savour it; Darry tastes like darts, beer and mint. Darry kisses him back, truly.

He breaks the kiss to say, ‘’Wanna give it the old college try, then?’’

‘’Texas-sized ten-four,’’ Darry beams.

‘’Over and out,’’ Wayne replies before leaning in for another kiss.

Darry puts his arm around Wayne’s waist to pull their bodies closer and Wayne lets himself believe it then. Wayne deepens the kiss and puts a hand in Darry’s hair. The kisses get rougher, more urgent; Darry’s hand gets lower. Wayne gently pulls at Darry’s hair so he can make way to kiss his neck, specifically his throat ‘cause he remembers how much Darry used to love that, and from the noises he makes, it’s still the case. When they get rid of their shirts and Wayne finds himself grinding on top of Darry on the bed, Darry scratches Wayne’s back and lightly digs his nails and the fact that Darry remembers what Wayne likes, too, gets him going even more than he already was. Darry flips them over, which Wayne’s more than happy about. They discard their pants and boxers and it’s so natural, so good, being together with Darry like this, wholly. He hadn’t realized how much he missed this, Darry that close to him, his ragged breaths warm on his neck, the shared pleasure. They’re both too eager and it ends quickly, but Wayne doesn’t mind. They have all the time in the world.

They catch their breath. Darry hands Wayne a tissue to clean up, then snuggles up to him.

‘’Now, I’m gonna ask you somethin’, and I need you to tell me the truth,’’ Darry starts.

‘’’Kay,’’ Wayne says. Being truthful’s not a problem for him, anyway.

‘’Is Stewart’s horn bigger than mine?’’

Wayne smiles. It’s such a ‘Darry’ thing to say.

‘’Can confirm.’’

‘’Fuck. Does that mean yer gonna see Stewart from now on?’’

‘’Hard no,’’ Wayne says as he leans in for a sweet kiss.