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It had clearly been a mistake to ignore his emotional slip, Spock realized too late. But with his new assignment among humans, he had initially thought that his emotional compromise was contributed to the exposure of humans and the new environment.
His room-mate, for example, was prone to frequent emotional outbursts. As the only Vulcan on board, he had to admit that he found this new assignment, while objectively, a very good, somewhat lonely and confusing.
Spock also found at this time; it would have been pleasant to have some elder to assist him. He only realized what was upon him, when the fever started. They had assured him, the elders, that with his mixed heritage he would never experience it himself. The elders had excluded him from the education that should have made him able to identify the first symptoms, and the lessons on how to navigate it in an alien environment.
He now, however, found himself in this predicament. Sitting on the floor having torn his uniform to shreds, shaking from the fever. And he was pretty certain had already tried to murder his roommate at least once with a piece of furniture.
His roommate was currently standing in the open door with four other ensigns, talking in low voices. His superior hearing would under normal circumstances have picked up everything they were saying. Now he could only hear his own blood pump through his system, crying for a release either in death or in mating.
If Spock had identified this before, he would have tried to reach Vulcan. T’Pring would be surprised; she would have expected that their marriage would never be confirmed, but she would not deny that he was hers and she was his.
That, however, was too late.
His shaking grew worse, as he plunged his head into the side of his bed. The ensigns’ chatter grew more aggressive.
Then it grew silence. Spock was uncertain for a second whether the silence was because his auditory cortex had finally collapsed, or because the chatter had actually grown silent.
It turned out to be the latter. “Get out.” He could hear someone with authority say far away. “But, sir, that is my quarter.” “I don’t care, find somewhere else to be.” The first voice said.
Spock closed his eyes; they had come to arrest him then.
Spock could hear the door close. He opened his eyes and took in the appearance of the man that had asked the ensigns to leave. The man was not wearing a uniform, but black Starfleet standard sleepwear, which might be understandable, since it was the middle of Gamma-shift.
He kneeled next to Spock, and studying him for a moment. “You are Ensign Spock, is that right?” He asked softly. Spock nodded, feeling like he was as small child that had been bullied and not a 24-year-old Starfleet officer.
“Are you injured, Ensign?” The other asked. Spock was almost unable to speak; he shook his head. “No, sir.” He stammered.
“Under normal circumstances, you should report to sickbay, but since you have not done so already, I assume that you have a very good reason, am I right?” Spock could feel tears, tears of shame, of uncontrollable emotion squeezing their way out of his eyes.
He nodded. “Yes, sir.”
The man smiled encouragingly, he had black hair and a nice smile. Spock could feel his body reacting to the closeness of the man.
“Don’t call me sir right now, please call me Chris, I want to help you, I will not tell anyone, but you need to tell me what is wrong.”
Spock didn’t know the entire crew’s first names, but as far as he was aware none of the senior officers had that first name.
Chris sat down on the floor at a respectful distance. Opposed to other humans, this individual was apparently aware that Vulcans did not like to be touched, and had not attempted such a gesture.
“You don’t understand, I cannot. It is not allowed.” Spock said, soon he would not able to speak, Spock knew.
“It affects only Vulcans then?” Chris asked calmly. Spock nodded. “I …” He was unraveling completely. He gridded his hands together and stared at the man’s blue eyes.
Spock tried to analyze his own emotions before he realized that he was attracted to this person in a way that should not be possible for him. Whether it was because his bond with T’Pring was incomplete, or because he was too far into the plak tow, he did not know.
He reached out a trembling hand towards the other man, his mind was not lucid enough to stop it.
“You need to leave me alone.” Spock said as he drew his hand back, trembling, minutes and he would not be able to control himself.
“Is this something to do with Vulcan procreation and biology?” Chris asked very quietly. All the emotions of the previous days, crashing down over him, Spock broke down.
But maybe, then if he told this man the truth, the man would leave, and Spock would not have to have other people present at his painfully shameful death.
“Yes, yes, now you understand, please leave me, sir.” Spock said, his heart was galloping and he knew his fever trance would begin soon.
“Will it pass on its own?” Chris asked concerned.
“Yes, in a manner of speaking.” Spock tried to get his fevered mind to come up with a lie, but even his un-fevered mind had never been very good at that.
“I will leave you, if you assure me that this is not going to kill you.” He could not.
“I …” His shaking was getting worse, even his bare chest and the cool air from the air condition did not cool down his fever.
“So, let me get this straight, you are going to die from this?” Chris asked flatly. “What do other Vulcans do about it?”
Spock looked down ashamed, this was never discussed.
“They return to Vulcan and marry.” Chris apparently just realized what that meant. “Oh.” He was clearly getting the picture.
“Then we should get you to Vulcan, Ensign.” Chris said and stood up resolved.
“No need.” Spock said and leaning back, feeling his own body betraying him and breaking down.
“What do you mean ‘no need’? Is your life so worthless?” Chris asked angrily. No, Chris did not understand.
“I fear, I will not survive the night.” Spock said. Even if T’Pring was waiting for him, he would never make it to Vulcan.
The man moved a little closer, within reaching distance of Spock, Spock moved his hand to the other man’s face. The skin contact and the calm feelings of the other man ran through him as a cool waterfall making his fever bearable if not for anything but a moment.
Realizing what he had done, he drew the hand back in shame. He was aware that he had just transmitted all his want and lust towards the other.
“I am so sorry, I cannot…” Spock drew backwards in shame of his own heinous act.
“Would it help, if you had intercourse with me?” Chris offered calmly, yes, yes, that would help.
“I could not ask such a favor from anyone.” Spock stammered, using all his resolve. But yes, T’Pring’s virtues were fading in comparison to the virtues of this man.
“I would not offer it, if I was not sincere.” Spock closed his eyes again in shame. And nodded in consent.
Chris calmly went to the door, and pressed something in the door panel, probably a lock combination. Spock got up, wondering if the offer had been insincere after all.
Chris returned to Spock and gave him a reassuring smile and reached for Spock’s hand.
“Tell me if I need to stop.” Chris said. As if he was the one that needed restraining. Chris moved the other hand over Spock’s bare arm.
Spock shivered; this was the invitation he needed. He leaned forward in a human kiss. For a moment he just felt the satisfaction of tasting this perfect individual.
Chris appeared to be taken by surprise for a moment, before he slowly kissed back. Spock took his arms around the other man in an awkward embrace
Pulling the black long-sleeved shirt ripping it, before he lunched with all the repressed lust, he made a needing sound. He had clearly taken Chris by surprise again, but he did not struggle back. Spock proceeded to caress the naked skin of the other man’s well-trained torso.
Spock was extremely hard on the brink of pain; he needed that release. In desperation, he began pulling at the other man’s pants, as he had done with the shirt.
“Wait a minute, I will need those.” Chris said and pulled them off himself in an awkward movement, while Spock went on to attack his upper body.
Spock had only been wearing briefs was effortlessly pulling them off too.
The need and lust for the other man was becoming almost unbearable. Spock pushed them both onto the bed. His own painful erection was pressing at Chris’ thigh as he pushed himself on top of him.
So close to a male human, human males normally had a quite unpleasant smell, but this individual’s smell was pleasant and intoxicating. It filled all his senses.
This was the first time Spock had had intercourse with anyone, and he was somewhat in the dark with regards to the mechanics of it, especially intercourse with another man.
He hoped that Chris had more experience. Spock moved his erection to align with the hole of the other man. Not really aware of what do next. He looked to Chris for guidance.
“Ehm, I might need a bit more preparation than this.” Chris said. Spock drew away a little, but was relieved that Chris did not seem offended.
Spock did not know what that meant, but he began stroking the semi-hard erection of the other.
“While I do appreciate that, that was not, hrmm, what I meant.” Right, okay, Spock was completely lost.
Chris sighed, showing with his own fingers what to do, opening himself. “I don’t suppose you have any lube? ... no? Right.”
Spock did still not know what he was talking about.
Chris leaned back, while Spock waited for him to finish with what he was doing. Spock looked on in a strange interest. If he had not been flushed with the fever, he would have found this quite fascinating. Now, however, he found it too slow.
While waiting for permission, he had begun to already leak.
“Okay, try again.” Chris leaned backwards again, clearly trying to be comfortably on the single bed.
“I would not cause you any discomfort.” “You are not, just do it.” Okay. Spock held on to the bent knees of the man, thrusting into him.
Chris made a sound that was either from pleasure or pain.
And for the first time in days, he could feel the fever getting better, and his control returning. Chris erection was also hardening with each thrust. Spock felt the urge to touch it as he was deep buried in the other man.
He had to admit that he had never felt as close to another person before as he finally came. Realizing that the same thing must have happened to the other moments before.
————
Spock woke oddly content. He felt himself cozily snuggled up to the other man. And he made an uncomfortable sound as he realized that Chris was trying to leave.
“I need to get to alpha-shift.” Chris explained. Spock sat up too, he was also on alpha-shift. And it was the first day he had been assigned to the bridge.
“Can I borrow this?” Chris asked, indicating Spock’s Starfleet training t-shirt. Spock was however more occupied that he too would be late. As Spock himself had torn the other man’s shirt, he was not going to refuse.
“Affirmative, I too am on alpha shift, I need to...”
The other smiled forgiving.
“I know, Spock, you should report in sick.” He smiled again. Spock felt a strange warmth at Chris’ affection. He felt a true and real connection, and again he felt he could not refuse him.
“Okay, Chris, I will do as you say.”
“That’s what I like to hear. Okay, Spock, if you need me again, send me a private message. Right?”
Before he disappeared out the door.
The absence of the other man making itself already painfully clear. He just wished he could again control his emotions.
Perhaps would be wise to report in sick today. He send a quick sick note to his commanding officer.
He would need to meditate. First, however he would need to shower and change the bedlinen. The other man’s smell still lingering too close for any hope of emotional control.
He had not met anyone before that he would indeed like to engage in a relationship with, Chris however, while offering to have intercourse with him, might not be interested to pursue a relationship.
Despite the fact that he could feel the pon farr subsiding, he decided at the best course of action would be sending at least a private message expressing gratitude. He did however not know Chris’ last name, so sending a private message might prove difficult.
“Computer, access all names of personnel currently aboard the ship, list all with first name Chris.” “No personnel exists with those parameters.” “Include guests in the search.” “No personnel or guests exists with those parameters.”
Then it hit him, many humans used abbreviated versions of their first names.
“Computer, extend search to include names of all personnel and guests where “Chris” is part of name.”
“Four names available.”
Spock scrolled the list
ArkKris, Ensign, Science Division
Carl Christensen, Engineer, Lieutenant, Operations Division
Chistinne Marlan, Yeoman, second class, Operations Division
Christopher Pike, Captain, Command division
Okay, he carefully pressed each of their profiles to get an image of them, he hesitated for a moment when he came to the last on the list.
Reviling a serious looking man in a yellow command uniform. It was him. Spock had not expected it to have been the captain of the ship. This might prove an additional complication if he wanted to pursue a relationship with him.
He opened the message writer a couple of times. Would it be seen as an illicit action to write to the captain now? Spock closed the empty message without sending it.
He checked instead his own incoming messages. He had three messages from the XO.
The first was a message with instructing him on his duties when serving on the bridge and the science station, that was sent yesterday afternoon. He had been too preoccupied the day before to read it.
And then a reply from also the commander acknowledging that she had received his calling in sick.
Followed by another message saying that he had been assigned to another room.
Possible, because of the complaint his roommate had made against him the night before. Spock sank into his bed, looking at his hands.
He was most likely to able to return to duty the following day. He decided to make use of the time and pack his few belongings and more. He considered writing to Captain Pike and again express his appreciation but ended up deciding against it.
———————————————————————————————————————
“Have you injured your leg?” Number One asked innocently, Pike gave her an annoyed look.
“You walk funny.” She clarified. Yeah, he damn well did. And if he went to sickbay questions would be asked. But okay, questions were being asked right now.
“Don’t worry about it, commander.” He said instead. She still eyed him suspiciously.
He was probably going to sit funny in a moment too.
“So, what is on for today?” Pike asked, trying to divert attention from the way he currently walked.
“Gamma shift was uneventful as always. Your new science officer, Ensign Spock has called in sick.” Pike sighed, how to say this without his perceptive XO getting a suspicion.
“I know, I talked to him briefly yesterday, he was quite unwell.” “I see.” Number One looked at him in surprise.
“Ehm, by the way, could you assign him single quarters?” She studied him for a moment. This was not something he normally requested of her.
“I believe he had a debacle with his roommate.” Pike explained. “Are you sure about this? Should I put in disciplinary actions?”
“No, no, nothing like that, I think perhaps it would be beneficial if he was assigned to his own quarters for the time being, Number One.” Pike said, the last thing he wanted was for Spock to be exposed to any more humiliating situations with the other Ensigns.
Apparently, giving up on understanding it, she continued to the bridge.
This was the first time he had had any sort of sexual or amorous relations with a crew member under his command. And while the young man had been quite attractive, he did not feel comfortable with the situation in general.
And an Ensign at that, an Ensign that didn’t have a choice. He just hoped that he had made the right choice the night before.