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Today Mai was visiting Zuko in the palace. When she came, an attendant lead her inside, but not in any of the usual rooms or galleries they used to meet, but in a small room unused for anything except to keep old duty furniture. There was a time many years ago when she knew all these rooms and more - playing hide and seek with Azula was a game of extreme endurance and practical knowledge of one’s environment. Mai found Zuko standing in front of a giant old chest and scratching his chin.
“What are you doing?”
“I visited my mom recently, and she told me the story of a blanket.”
“Blanket?”
“Yes. When she was expecting me, she was making a baby blanket. She did not have much to do, and didn’t feel very well, and was missing her old life, and she said she poured her dreams and hopes and stuff into making of that blanket.”
“And then what?”
“She used it when I was a baby. Then it was put somewhere as a keepsake. Then she was banished. Then I was banished, and all my kid stuff was removed somewhere. So it disappeared.”
“Did she make one for Azula?”
“No. She started, but never got to finish it, being busy with me, and generally too tired to do anything. She made something for Azula at the end, just not a very special blanket.”
“So what’s the problem? Why do you suddenly want your baby things?”
“It struck me that it was a thing that mattered so much to her, and I have no recollection of it. And the way mom was talking about it, it must have been really wonderful.”
“And you thought it might be in that chest?”
“Why not? It must be somewhere.”
“Or it could be destroyed.”
“It could. But I don’t think it was. I think it was just taken out of sight. Our house at the Ember Island had everything just left there.”
“Can it be there?”
“No, it would have been found already. When we were hiding there before the comet, the guys combed through it quite thoroughly. Found a lot of stuff I’d rather not know about. So I think it must be here, in the palace.”
“And you are planning to comb through the palace all by yourself?”
“You can help me.”
“NO.” The word flew out before Mai consciously thought about it, and Zuko looked slightly taken aback by her vehemence. “I mean, of course I’ll help you, but I am not going to comb through every chest and closet and nook here, because I have a pretty good idea how many are there, and I value my time and yours.”
“What do you propose to do?”
“Talk to people.”
“Um?”
“People who work here. Or used to work here? Servants, maids, maybe your old nurses? They just might know exactly where it is.”
“Oh, you are right.” Zuko continued to stare at the chest in confusion.
“What is it?”
“I have no idea whom to ask. They all are new, or relatively new, came after lord Azulon was dead, or even when I started...”
“Impossible. Think harder.”
“Well, the palace cook should be the same, but she wouldn’t know about my stuff, would she?”
“No, but she would know who can tell you that,”
“Great, let’s go!”
“Wait, don’t you have your fire lord’s things to do?”
“I took a day off. We have a date today, right?”
“That’s going to be some date, searching for old dusty stuff in weird dusty places...” Mai grumbled, but did not object when Zuko took her by hand and went with her to the Fire palace kitchen.
***
When Mai visited the Palace kitchen during her childhood, she thought it was the true heart of the palace, possibly of all Fire Nation. It was a large space deep down, close to the dead volcano. It was full of fire, huge sharp knives and delicious smells. The cook - who seemed to little Mai a magnificent mighty giantess – ruled over her secret underworld kingdom with strict yet merciful arm. There were rules to be obeyed, respect to be shown, and those who did, got baskets of freshly baked buns, cookies, and pastries to take with them in the regular world. Mai wasn’t sure whether the cook was firebender or not, but everything and everyone in the kitchen obeyed her smallest command, even fire. Impossibly large knives flew in the air and obediently returned to their place. Water never splashed. Food stood at attention in neat rows.
Azula has never gone down to the kitchen. If she ever did, Mai privately thought, the palace would probably explode, because the mistress of the underworld couldn’t be ruled by anything except her own will and the traditions of Fire Nation cooking.
Now the kitchen didn’t seem to be a magical underworld of her childhood, but it was still an impressive place, still as hot and full of delicious smells. The cook was still a large and cheerful woman, but she was only a little bit taller than Mai.
“Mistress Sonam,” she bowed to the cook deeply.
The cook bowed back. “Welcome, Mai and lord Zuko! Why, you two have grown since your last visit!”
Zuko also bowed.
“You should have come more often, I am right there.”
Zuko coughed. “I am sorry. Mistress Sonam. I thought you don’t want to be disturbed.”
“Nah, what a silly pretext. You just was busy and forgot that you are welcome to come occasionally for some cookies, as always.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Zuko looked mildly embarrassed, but he smiled and continued. “Mai and I are dating again.”
“I am very glad to hear it! That’s really good! Now here’s someone who appreciates my work. Thanks for giving our boy another chance!”
Now it was Mai’s turn to blush. “I did miss your cakes and fruit tarts.”
Before they could talk, they were seated at the large table and given piles of pastries. Zuko started making tea.
When the tea and pastries were properly appreciated, Zuko said, “Mistress Sonam, I wanted to ask you, who could know about my baby clothes and stuff like that? I am looking for one item that might be stored somewhere with my baby things, and have no idea whom to ask.”
The cook thought a little. “Your wet nurse? No, she left too early… Nurses? Maybe, but not. You should ask old master Issey, he was the head of all domestic stuff until five years ago, when he retired. He should know everything.”
***
They went to see Master Issey who lived in the outskirts of the Harbor city. Master Issey was very old, and Mai wondered whether he was actually younger than late Lord Azulon or not.
“I am Fire Lord Zuko, Master Issey” Zuko did a small polite bow.
Master Issey looked him over with suspicion. “You don’t look like a Fire lord to me.”
Zuko’s mouth twitched. “I Look exactly like the Fire lord, because I am Fire Lord. I don’t need to look like anybody else. And you will answer my questions.” His tone was now hard and cold, and he somehow looked taller and threatening. Mai grimaced – still were people only were willing to listen when properly menaced. It was annoying: Zuko the Dork was a better Fire lord than Zuko the Menace.
But the old man’s worries were indeed allayed by this transformation, and he started reminiscing of old times, and eventually told several possible places where the items they were seeking could be and several people who could have put them there.
They decided that it was enough information to try and search for blankets themselves, asking other servants if they were not successful. On the way back to the palace Mai was still vexed.
Zuko noticed her mood. “What is it, Mai?”
“I feel sorry for this old man. He served all his life at the palace, having a rather high position. And yet he only agreed to recognize you as his Fire lord when you became rude and menacing. And he is not the only one like this.”
“Yeah, well… I stopped arguing with old folk like him. They want to see an approximation of Lord Azulon, and it saves time and get the job done fast.”
“But that’s not you. And you shouldn’t pretend to be worse than you are,”
“It’s exhausting, Mai. Very exhausting. I try and talk, and they just look at me as if I am a mothwasp. Then I turn on my grandfather, and I am someone they can listen to.”
“People need to understand that they really need Fire Lord Zuko the Dork.”
“Yep. That's what my legacy is going to be. Zuko the dork.”
She hugged him tightly and touched his face. “You are going to leave the best legacy ever.”
They smiled at each other like idiots, and walked the rest of the way holding each others hands.
***
Back at the palace they went through the possible hiding places Master Issey named, trailed by chagrined servants. Happily Zuko found what he was looking in the third room they searched. It was a large chest, similar to the others they searched through, filled to the brim with Zuko’s old clothes, toys, and things Mai she wasn’t sure about.
Zuko was delighted. “I can’t believe they really kept all this stuff!” He was taking items out and looked them over. “Hey, I made this warship model together with Lu Ten when I was seven!”
“I guess servants hate to throw away royal things. Just in case. It’s not like they will ever run out of place to store it.”
“You are right. I wonder what else can be hidden in the palace?”
“Nobody’s going to find out. You’d need to double the amount of servants to do it.”
“Oh! I think this is it!” Zuko was holding a small blanket, red, obviously, with pretty flames and flowers and two dragons interweaving together embroidered in silk.
“Dragons. Of course.”
Zuko looked at them, squinting. “It’s not any random dragons though. They are characters from the play “Love Among the Dragons.” It’s the one she wanted to play the Dragon Empress in, with Ikem.”
“Ikem that became Noren, her new husband?”
“Yep.”
“She is either brave and sly, or reckless and insane. Possibly all of it together, given that she is yours and Azula’s mother.”
“I think she was so lonely, she wanted at least a little piece of her own…”
Mai had nothing to say to it. Zuko continued to examine the blanket.
“Hmmm, I wonder what is it?” He pulled something out of a seam. It looked like a small ugly dried brunch. Mai looked closer.
“Oh, that’s an umbilical cord. It was an old tradition in some places to keep it, as it symbolized a connection between a mother and her child. I am not sure about mine, but Tom Tom’s is saved somewhere.”
“Umbilical cord?” Zuko frowned turning the dried thing in his hand.
“You do know how babies happen, don’t you?”
“Of course, I do!”
“But how they are actually being born?”
“Ehhh I have a general idea, I guess.”
“Umbilical cord is the thing that physically connects baby to mother’s body. When a baby is born, the cord is cut, and we get our belly buttons. But a piece of it is often saved, like this.”
“I know about belly buttons. Obviously. Wait. You sound as if you’ve seen a baby being born. Did you?”
“Yes, I sneaked in when Tom Tom was born, by the very end. Nobody paid attention to me being there, so I got to watch the final push, and hear his first scream, and saw the cord being cut and everything.”
“Why did you do that?”
Mai shrugged. “I considered marriage and children to be a nightmare, and I.. kind of wanted to be sure that it is as horrible as I imagined.”
“And was it?”
“It wasn’t pleasant to watch, but somehow that purple squiggly thing covered in goo turned into Tom Tom, so I don’t know…”
“But you seriously thought marriage and children to be a nightmare fate?”
Mai took a deep sign, and looked at Zuko. “I was fourteen. My most likely marriage prospect was an arranged marriage to a random middle-aged courtier or an officer. Of course I'd rather cut myself in tiny pieces that considered it a worthy life goal.”
“I see.” He looked like he stopped himself from saying anything else.
Mai looked at the baby blanket again. It was really a remarkable work. The flames looked almost alive, the flowers seemed to have scent, and the dragons had a weird quality of being so artificial that felt somehow too real, and having a conversation with each other.
“Just in case the question ever comes up, I am not making any baby blankets, no embroidery or anything.” She blurted out. Why did she say it?
“Sure.” Zuko gave her a long intense look, as if he imagined the situation where the question of making baby things might come up. It won’t come up for a long time if Mai could help it, she thought. She felt embarrassed and uncomfortable. She was not ready to think about babies in any way. Stupid baby Zuko things…
Grumpily, she asked. “Now that found it, what are you going to do with this blanket?”
“I’ll give it to mom. I think she’ll like to look at it again.”
“Was it worth it? The day of searching?”
“Of course. It made me closer.”
“To you mom?”
“To you.”