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she’s not sure when it started really. all she knew was that it went from playful shoving after a confession on live TV with tinted cheeks and shy glances to having her whole perspective shift after seeing and noticing things she’d never paid attention to before, having the most life altering realisation that what seemed like games and publicity and jokes were not entirely just that..
not jokes at all.
it was real. like real real. she had swept herself up into the wild hurricane that is jennie.. who she is head over heels for. she has fallen for the most unavailable person in her life, the most detached person in the whole group - the one who catches her staring during their breaktimes and briskly turns away, not having the chance to notice the way her face falls - the one person who’s opinion of her is “young and very childish”. yeah that one, she’d gone ahead and accidentally handed her heart to her.
she’d given jennie the power to eliminate her within seconds without even knowing it.
she was inexplicably the most stupid person in the entire world, not even just that but also very foolish, she wondered of ways on how to undo the mistake she’d made. it wasn’t very long lasting from what she’d heard, it would stay there, yes, but it would also go away eventually right? just like her short time crush on benedict cumberbatch, which by the way only even arose because of his acting in sherlock holmes, it really seemed to dissipate quite quickly after that (which she was thankful for, imagine her crushing on a white man for christs sake.)
this was the state her mind has been the past weeks, thinking of ways to prevent her from falling even deeper to the pits of hell that were jennie’s dimples - which she was a little regretful about because they were lovely dimples - and maintaining a calm, uncaring and cool demeanour around said owner of lovely dimples. this was working quite well on monday morning before the choreographer strictly scolded her for daydreaming (which she promises she really wasn’t.. jennie had just rounded the corner of their practice room and lisa had lost her concentration momentarily, thats all) proceeded to tell her to get rid of this baggage that she was carrying around on her thin sturdy shoulders, focus and get to work.
it was very hard to get her mind off of her, what with jennie being everywhere. jennie’s song, jennie’s posters stuck in every wall of the hallways, her MV playing throughout the day to celebrate her, jennie name being spoken aloud literally every corner she turned. it was impossible. its like fate wanted to mess with her even further.
when the members brought her up after a few hours of of lazing around in their dorms, she had got up and left without looking back to notice their confused glances.
she was quite actually close to losing her mind, she couldn’t deal with this. why did she have to stare at jennie a little too intensely during that movie night and realise she was put on this earth to admire, support and be deeply in love with her?
shortly after that though she had come to terms with it, it had taken a bit of time to mull it over - also a tub of ice cream whilst she sat on the bath, scrolling through astrology websites and repeatedly pressing on the aries+capricorn links to see if it would go horribly wrong - but in the end the solution had showed itself, she had to explore this to the best of her ability. it was honestly still very much a shock to her, her brain couldn’t process it still, but it was the only thing to make sense. although there was the second half of her brain that strongly objected to it, the one that scoffed at the fact that she had feelings for jennie. it laughed at her. her have a crush on.. jennie kim? it was an absolute joke. she would never look at her that way. in her mind, lisa was as immature as they come, playful and never once serious. she would never look at her beyond that, period.
but even if it was humiliating, even if it was unrequited, lisa should owe it to herself to find out what would come of it.
the big question though, was how could she change their current routine? lisa enjoyed the friendly banter, the cute little team ups they’d do when they were playing games, the beautiful smile jennie would shoot her when she agreed to take prom pictures with her because she hadn’t had the chance to attend one ever before, the hand-in-hand contact during performance shows where cameras would be literally in their faces. she loved it all, every excuse to be near her, she cherished.
but lisa desperately wanted to up her efforts and make it go from girl friend to girlfriend.
she had started a long plan before, one that went through different sectors and stages. all variables of this wonderful mission she had thrown herself into, everything that connected to jennie and connected to lisa that would eventually help into bringing them together. she was setting herself up for failure, she did realise, but what was a plan without a lot of hope? and lisa had tons of it.
the first one had a very huge role: their wonderful blinks.
blackpink would be nothing without them, they were the starter and finisher of everything the girls did together and independately. she was already blissful to the fact that they noticed their interactions together and had already given them a name, a ship name to be exact.
jenlisa.
going through the thousands of photos they had tagged her in, 99% was of jennie and lisa together. videos, pictures, gifs, edits, manips.. etc. it was quite a lot to unpack, but lisa was happy to see through it all. to her, it seemed like they were only entertaining this ship, although there were many that really believed they were together-
(ha.. not yet, blinks. not yet.)
…it brought her a whole new wave of confidence. she was seeing everything much clearer now. if her fans saw how much she adored her, really adored her, then why didn’t jennie?
seeing as there were a fair amount of fans that wanted them together, all she had to do was crawl her way behind them all, become the one who gives them the ammunition. which she had already thought of, luckily. they didn’t need proof, they didn’t need hard, hands on evidence that jenlisa was real, they only focused on the small interactions and the interviews in the magazines, the ones that mentioned them. she remembered them clearly - jennie’s name hadn’t been in every question but lisa had made it her job to mention her in every answer - and she had to smile to herself because, she had hoped that if jennie hadn’t thought much of it, then others will. and she was right.
a long while later.
6:12 PM.
they had just ended the first day of filming for ‘as if it’s your last’ and lisa was sat near the buffet table, angling her phone so that she could take a very sly photo of the food.. and the person sitting far behind it in its clear view.
jennie had stretched, talked to the choreographer for 10 minutes, walked towards the table of snacks, picked out a norwegian dessert then slowly made her way towards the bench in front of it. the other girls were washing up, and the three of them had decided to meet up in the dorms when they finished, jennie was called to see YG prior to this, so someone had to stay and inform her. but lisa had other plans.
instead of sharing that tidbit of information, she was busy taking candid pics of jennie kim.
first, a very cute picture of jennie with sugary powder on her nose - which she had been disappointed she couldn’t wipe off her face or better yet, kiss it off. second, a landscape picture of jennie staring in the direction of the sky, her head thrown back and eyes closed. it was so beautiful to witness that lisa had almost forgotten to take pictures of it.
and in the midst of all this, jennie hadn’t noticed once.. it energised lisa, made her want to take more, fill her storage capacity to the brim. she hadn't been caught, so what was the harm? even so, if the girl noticed, she would think it was for her social media account. lisa knew how obsessed she was with her social media.
the colours that entered the frame caused her to grip her phone in her hand instinctively, and she swivelled it round to get another landscape photo, absorbed fully in catching the image she had just seen on the lens.
not one to miss an opportunity, she made sure to keep her thumb on the white round circle above the home button, picture after picture sent to her gallery in milliseconds. her eyes were glued to the image, not on the device, but in her straight vision.
there was something very different in this scene, the way jennie was alone with a pensive expression and her arms out as she breathed in the air. there were hues, different and faint, surrounding her. she wasn’t just gorgeous, no, she was something out of a movie. how she could be so content like that by herself. lisa felt her heart compress.