Chapter Text
Chapter 1 - We’re Done Here
Chloe POV
We’re done here.
That’s the last thing I said to him before this happened. Before…he broke. What could have happened to make him like this? To make him just…stop?
He doesn’t talk anymore, except to say “Yes Detective.”
He doesn’t feel anymore.
He doesn’t smile anymore.
He doesn’t…he just doesn’t! He has become a shell, and I’m afraid of what it means. What could have happened? It’s been a month since those words spit out of my mouth, it’s been a month since I’ve done what I regret the most. I’ve broken him.
Pierce…I broke up with him, I couldn’t live the lie anymore. He treats me right, that’s what I wanted right? But I couldn’t stop seeing Lucifer’s despondent face in the interrogation room that night. I couldn’t stop seeing his despair in his eyes. I called Pierce that night and broke things off, I told him I was sorry, I told him how I regret not being able to be happy with him and realising I can only be happy with someone incapable of bringing me happiness. That I’m in love with a delusional man.
I came into work the next day, expecting Lucifer still in his disheveled state, spouting nonsense, and infuriating me. I thought I could wipe a little bit of that despair away. I was going to tell him about the break up. I could feel the excitement over having good news for Lucifer, that giving him what he wanted should bring him at least back to something resembling normal, even for him. But there he stood, by my desk, impassively, still, unmoving, and Dan shouting at him as usual, and not a reaction out of him. I approached them, hearing Dan’s disbelief at Lucifer’s rudeness at ignoring him, and as soon as I caught his eyes, Dan said, “Good luck getting something from him. He is a literal statue hellbent on making my life difficult.”
Dan walked away in a huff, and sat down at my seat gingerly, looking up at Lucifer’s frame. I furrowed my eyebrows, previous excitement completely gone now, and sighed. What now? I thought to myself, exasperatedly.
“Lucifer, can you please sit down?” I asked, not expecting any response. But he sat, quickly, quietly, one smooth action that is done within barely a second. I blinked, and raised my eyes to look at Dan’s own bewildered eyes. Dan stood up, and slowly walked back towards us, attempting to find what made Lucifer tick again.
“Hey man, what’s up with the ignoring?” Dan asked him, and he went back to being a statue. I felt frustration bubble up my chest. Whatever his problem is, this is not the time, nor the place.
“Lucifer! If you’re going to be a rude statue, then you can do that in a corner where you won’t hinder anyone. Don’t you dare give me any crap right now. Not after the night I’ve had.” I snapped at him. If he was going to be like that, then he can deal with my bad temper. How dare he, ruin my good news for him, when I’ve done something of such magnitude for him? I gave up my potential happiness for a semblance of normal back, and this is how he repays me? By being abnormal? Well, then, using his words, he can bloody hell do it far away from me.
But all my angered was forcefully swallowed down my throat when all he said was “Yes Detective.”, stood up, walked to an inconspicuous corner, and stood there, unmoving…like a statue…I gasped, shooting up from my seat, barely registering Dan’s own gasp of disbelief.
“What the hell?” He said, and I shouted, “Lucifer, get back here!”
He blinked, looked at me, bowed his head and walked back to me. And then I saw, an emotion indicator that I just realised is sorely lacking in the way Lucifer held himself since this morning. Yet, there it is, clear as day, hands clenching in whatever emotion he’s trying to keep in. He walked back to me, stopping just a foot away, and just…waited.
“Lucifer, dude! Look at me man!” Dan tried again. As before, he did not respond. I stared at him, trying to figure him out, and before I knew it, I was falling over the edge of my temper. I raised my hand, and swiped it across his right cheek, his face immediately reddening, and my mortification skyrocketing through the roof. What did I do that for? But I knew, because it was too much. It was too much to deal with more madness in my life, when the source of everything crazy in my life has already messed me up so completely. I am at the end of my endurance, and I lashed out.
Oddly, it was Dan with the admonishing voice this time, and I looked at him through bleary eyes. Oh…when did I start crying? Lucifer was still motionless, as if the slap didn’t affect him at all, and I snapped. If he wants to do this, then by all means, we can play at this game. I snapped at him to get back to his corner, and he did with another “Yes Detective.”, and I couldn’t help it, I sobbed.
I sank back into my seat, hands covering my face, and sobbed. Lucifer…he’s taking commands from me, is letting me slap him like it was nothing, is…is…damaged. My right hand trembled, and I looked at it, feeling betrayed by its loss of control. I shouldn’t have done that, shouldn’t have done so many things, but I did them anyway. I stared at Lucifer, standing in the corner like an errant child, somehow, in his stoic expression, I could see his dejection, the way his shoulders are tighter than before, the way his eyes are no longer looking forward, but downwards now. His posture and his expression are the same, so why do I feel like he is desperate inside?
“Chlo?” Dan asked, sounding as worried as he looked. I looked up at him, and saw his eyebrows furrowed. “Why don’t you take the day off? I think both you and Lucifer need to take it easy today. You go sort this out with Lucifer, I’ll take Trixie today.”
I opened my mouth to deny it, but I remembered the feeling of my palm colliding with Lucifer’s cheek, and I paused. I’m not in the frame of mind to work, so is Lucifer. I glanced at Lucifer again, and saw him still obediently standing in the corner, and my heart clenched at the sight. I averted my gaze and focused back on Dan.
“Yea, yea…I’ll take the day off.” I started packing up my stuff, Dan off to talk to the lieutenant - my ex-fiancé - on my behalf. I looked up, and saw Lucifer immediately, and held in another sob. Whatever this is, I’ll fix it. I can do this, we’ll be okay.
“Lucifer!” I called, we needed to talk, and I’m not getting onto this type of emotional rollercoaster in his den of sin. No, we’re both going to my house, which will be free of ex-husbands, ex-fiancés and monkeys, and we’ll talk. Lucifer twitched, as if he was tightly controlling his body, and looked up at me. What do I say, that we needed to talk? That we should go to my house? That we…that we…I’m already walking towards the garage! Wait, Lucifer is still…right behind me…oh. Okay, he heels like a dog when all I have to do is call him…I can deal with that. I can deal with myself walking off without ever having the intention to, I can deal with myself slapping my best friend without ever having the intention to, I can totally deal with said best friend following like a dog. I swallowed another sob, and climbed into my car, focusing on making sure Lucifer is in the car before I drove off without ever having the intention to.
Lucifer POV
We’re done here.
That’s what she said, but all I heard was done. I know she has lost all patience for me. I’ve hurt her once too many times, and she’s finally seeing that I’m not worth it.
Done.
I don’t want for us to be done. I want us to last. But how can we? She doesn’t believe me! And she’s in so much danger, but she wouldn’t believe me! I’ve tried so hard to tell her, to warn her, but now she said we’re done. I choked on the lump in my throat, both my hands itching to throw the chair right at the door. But I’ve done enough damage for now, I should leave.
I walked out the precinct, and rode my corvette back to the penthouse. I stared at my phone, a glass of whisky right beside it. Should I call her, apologise for my behaviour? I couldn’t stand her ire, nor her aloofness. She’s being used by Cain, I had to warn her, but…but…maybe telling her is not the best way. She wouldn’t believe me, then I’ll have to tell her what she’ll believe. I’ll do what I can to protect her.
But we’re done.
She’s upset with me, she’s angry with me. She’ll want to cut me off! No no no no! She can’t! She…she won’t, right? I…I’ll just have to prove I can be what she needs, I just need to be the kind of partner she wants, then she’ll keep me. I just need to be good. She’ll forgive me, or if not..she’ll take pity, anything’s better than being cut off and unable to protect her at her side. Anything’s better.
Right, first thing’s first, shower. This look won’t be any help convincing her of my sincerity. Personal grooming is important. Then…then…I need to start doing as she says. She doesn’t like me drinking…I looked at the glass of whisky. I brought it up to my lips…and jerked it away, standing up, striding to the sink in the kitchen, and pouring it away. Better not try even one last sip, I might be unable to control myself.
No smoking too, she’s always telling me not to do it in the vicinity of her child, it means she doesn’t want her child to pick the habit up. She disapproves.
I looked at the mirror, and swallowed at my face. No flirting too, no inappropriate comments, no violence, no going off on my own, no actions without her consent, just…do what she says, or only breathe. I took a deep, shaky breath. Only breathe.
I cleaned myself up, my mind slowly acclimatising to a time where I followed instead of lead, where I obeyed instead of rebel. A soldier…the Detective will like that, her personal pet Devil. She’ll at least be fond of pets right? It’s illegal to abandon little puppies on the road right? I’ll just have to make sure she had a very useful, obedient dog. She’ll keep me, I’ll be good and she’ll keep me.
“Useless little shit!” I recalled Michael yelling at me.
“Worthless!” Gabriel.
“We’re done here.” I flinched. I gasped for air, but somehow, none was coming in. I clutched at my chest, why can’t I breathe? I lost energy, and collapsed, still wheezing for air that refused to enter my lungs…
I woke up feeling chilled. I looked around, I was still in the bathroom. I jerked up from the floor, what was I doing on the floor? Shit, I was supposed to shower, groom myself, make myself presentable so I can convince the Detective I’m sorry. I rushed into the shower and rapidly washed myself, scrubbing every inch with more strength than I needed, and using cold water, having forgotten to turn the heater on. I deserved the cold water anyway, it’ll keep me alert, and on my toes. I shivered as I finished off, making sure to avoid my nether regions before I cause a reaction that I just knew the Detective hated me for having, and quickly walked out and started my morning routine.
“Hands at your side! No fidgeting! You do not answer to anyone but me!” Michael’s voice echoed in my mind. He was my mentor, my…trainer. He gave me my orders, and my punishments. He…he is the lowest in the rank, but he’s my twin, and my superior. I was nothing.
“You’re going to stand in this position until I say you can move, do you understand?” He ordered, with that quiet hissing voice, sending a shiver down my spine at the mere memory. He left me there until I cried, until my legs cramped and my stomach rumbled, until my tears dried and my hands trembled. I collapsed, and I was punished.
I’ll have to do better than that for the Detective. However long she wants me to endure a hardship, I’ll do it. She’s worth it. She’s worth a thousand “Michael”s. She’s worth a thousand “Dad”s.
We’re done here. I flinched again.
No, no we’re not. Please don’t say that. I’ll reign myself in, I’ll do what you say. Anything. Everything. I’ll be your soldier.