Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

*Tick Tick Tick*

Tobin tapped the camera’s glass. She took a step back and settled into her desk chair, taking a quick look behind her at her room, then turning back to her computer and giving a big smile. That was one of her best attributes, and she knew it. In fact, she knew everything that made her attractive. It sounded cocky, and hell maybe it was, but that was okay because she wasn’t a jerk about her looks. The simple fact was, as most things are simple to her, she was very good looking, and girls took notice. Yeah, they took a lot of notice. 

She was tall, but not freakishly so, at least not in her book. Girls, the type of girls she liked, they enjoyed being a little towered over, the need to look up before you kiss someone was sexy. The girls she liked also enjoyed the fact that she was athletic. They enjoyed the muscles in her arms and legs, and when she took her shirt off, boy did they enjoy those six compact little muscles laying just under her tan skin. But it wasn’t just her body, no, her face was pretty nice to look at. High cheekbones, remarkably nice brown eyes (as far as brown eyes go) and of course the smile. 

She flashed this smile to every pretty girl as they passed, didn’t matter if they were gay or straight or whatever, she smiled at all of them. Why wouldn’t she, it took long enough to these pearly whites to be straight and ready to rumble, of course she smiled at all the girls? That’s the whole thing about Tobin Heath, she liked girls. 

Man oh man did she liked girls. They were the best part of her day, of her life, of the whole freaking universe. Girls, girls, girls. There was nothing better. While most people were terrified of being gay, and she was when she first figured it out, but after a while, she was so thankful, because of GIRLS. They were all so magnificent. Beautiful like the sun, like flowers, like sunsets, goddamn they were perfect, and they smelled nice too. She liked their soft skin, and silky hair, and long legs, and kind smiles. She liked boobs, big, small, medium, all the shapes, and sizes. She liked make up, full face and natural, liquid lines, lipgloss that tasted like cherries and eye lashes like fans. She just liked girls, and thank the gods, girls liked her too. 

She was one of the lucky ones. There was this force in the universe and it only flowed through some people. It was the force that made girls like you. Some guys had it, they were called players. Some girls had it, they were also players, but softer, and Tobin had it. The force pretty much knocked her on her ass when she turned fifteen. It was like she woke up one day and she just had a way with women. Sure she was only seventeen now, and she had a long way to go, but it didn’t stop heads from turning in the halls as she walked down them. She was a head-turner; what a rare find. Which leads us to right now.

Tobin leaned back in her leather desk chair, her arms resting comfortably, she was looking as cool and casual as she could, staring into the camera, no, peering into it, making sure to focus on the tiny telescoping lens so she looked like she was staring at you from the screen. She was making this video for you after all, and she needed to make sure you knew it. Because here’s the thing, a few days ago she read an article about having a passive side income, which she needed because he didn’t want to work whenever she went to college, and she didn’t want to get a summer job cleaning little kids puke at the arcade, so she needed a source of revenue so she could do things like put gas in her car, and buy new clothes. The article said the best way to make an income without doing much at all was to capitalize on the thing you were an expert in, and if she was an expert in anything, it was getting girls. 

Not in a gross way of course. She respected women, after all she was one and she would demand the same level of respect out of any girl that wanted her, so she demanded respect out of herself. She was good at getting girls, but she also treated them right, like the princesses they were, that was important to say. 

Sitting in her best t-shirt, the one she bought last year, a white v-neck that showed the perfect amount of her tan skin, the sleeves just long enough to give a preview of her arms, but not giving away tickets to the gun show. She was in nice pants too, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was her hair, it was down around her shoulders, the slightest hint of waves in it, like she had been surfing all day, even though she hadn’t, but still it was a look, one that said she didn’t care, even though she did, a lot, a whole hell of a lot. She had some topics planned out, written in the note section on her phone, she was prepared, as per usual. She was ready to capitalize on what she was an expert in. 

“Hey, Tobin here. Some of you might know me and some of you might not, but I’m guessing if you’re watching this, then you know me, or have heard of me, maybe from a friend, or someone else who’s struggling with a problem. It kind of doesn’t matter how you got the link to my videos, what matters is you’re here. This is good, this means you are taking the first step to better your life, not the entire thing because let’s face it, I’m not a life coach, I won’t help you pass your geometry quiz, but I can help you in one aspect, girls. 

Now you’re asking “Tobin, what are you talking about?” It’s okay to be shy, it’s okay to pretend like you don’t know, we will get past that in the videos, but I know if you dig down deep you know what I’m talking about. You, yes you, have a problem getting girls. It’s not a small problem. It’s not a medium problem. It’s a huge problem, and that’s why you’ve turned to me, an expert. 

“What makes me an expert?”

I’m not one to kiss and tell, that’s sleazy, but the fact that I have kisses to tell about makes me one step closer then you’ve ever gotten, so I have that going. Plus if you know me, then you know I’m an expert, that’s why you’re here. But let’s get back to the topic at hand, girls. 

Here’s the thing my friends, there is one sure-fire way to get a girl to take a first look at you, and that’s ‘Be a decent human being.’

Yup, it’s that simple. If you’re a good person, then a girl will notice you. If you’re a trash bag of a person, she will never notice you, or she will but it probably won’t be in a good way. Say you’re an asshole, and she sees you, and maybe she talks to you, maybe she even goes on a date with you, it’s all well and good, but one day she’s going to figure out you’re a bag of garbage and she’s going to kick you to the curb. Now you’re asking “Tobin, what if I just want enough dates to sleep with her?” Well to that I say, get the hell off this video, I don’t like you and I don’t want you using any of my techniques to get into any girl’s pants, you’re garbage, now go away. 

Here’s the thing ladies and germs, if you don’t respect other human beings, if you don’t respect women then you don’t deserve respect. If you’re trash, then you belong in the dumpster, alone and hot and smelly and decomposing. Respect is key. Respect everyone’s bodies, views, boundaries, thoughts, ideas, opinions, etc, just respect human beings. R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to everyone and put it into practice. Get it? Got it? Great!

Now that it’s just us decent human beings, the second step is, be nice to the people around you. “But, Tobin, isn’t this the same as the first step?” No, you can be a decent human and be kind of a mean grouch. You might be nice on the inside, but project this unpleasantness women pick up on. When you’re outwardly nice, you give off a pleasant vibe, and woman like that. They like when you smile, even if it’s only a few times. They like when you’re good to animals, and little kids, and your mom. But… only if it’s genuine. 

Which is step three, be genuine. There is no fake it till you make it scheme to getting woman, no matter what the other guys say. You might be able to hold a lie for a little while, maybe even enough to get her to like you, but eventually the truth will out and suddenly you’re an asshole, which is bad, because girls talk. If you’re a lying jerk to one, you’re probably a lying jerk to the rest of them. So always be genuine, never fake a personality or a physical attribute, and for the love of god, never fake an accent, I’ve seen it many times. If you’re from Jersey, then be from Jersey, don’t try to be British, it’s just embarrassing to watch. 

So those are the first three tiny little baby steps to getting a woman to like and notice you.

Step 1: Be decent.
Step 2: Be kind.
Step 3. Be genuine. 

That seems easy enough right? I hope so, because if you can’t get those three down, then what I’m going to teach you is going to be incredibly hard to manage. My entire game plan hinges on those three steps. Get them down, sear them into your brain. Make a brand out of them and plunge it into your grey matter until you can’t possibly think of anything else. Then come back and learn the rest.”

There it was, her first video, barley five minutes long, but enough of an introduction to the world hopefully, someone would want to see more. In her mind, she was telling it like it is, and everyone needed to listen, you know if they wanted to. Hopefully they did, after all, she needed the cash. 

Clicking through the video, she was proud to get it all in one take, no editing required. If she was going to make more videos, this would probably be the only single take. Grinning from ear to ear, she opened up her account and uploaded the content. Her page was private, she didn’t need it to be public after all this wasn’t for everyone, it was only for a few people. 

The idea came to her while she was sitting around waiting for her ride. Her headphones were on, she was perched upon the stone banister of the steps leading to the entrance of the school. Post Malone was singing of heartbreak in her ears, and people were passing by, girls of course, and of course she smiled at every single one of them, most of them blushing and waving, and she always waved back. That’s when she noticed a boy standing next to her, short, kind of strange looking, a wondrous look in his eye. She jumped down, pulled back one side of her headphones and asked, “What’s up?”

“How do you do that?” He asked, his voice cracking. 

She looked down at her phone, hitting pause on the music. “Do what?”

His head turned out to the dwindling crowd of high schoolers, “How do you get all those girls to look at you?”

“I don’t get them to look at me,” she shrugged, cracking a smile. “They look, and I’m here.”

The boy, snorted, pushing his wire-rimmed glasses up on the bridge of his nose. “I’m here too, yet they only seem to notice you.”

“Oh,” she laughed as if the answer was the silliest thing because to her it was silly. “I smile at them.” Out in the crowd, a group of girls were walking just ahead towards the parking lot. Tobin honed in on them and flashed the million-dollar smile, and the girls all smiled back, some of them throwing a wave in her direction, and she lifted her left hand giving a quick surfer shaka back, which made them giggle, then whisper to each other. She looked over to the boy, “See? I just smile and they smile back.”

“Yeah to you maybe,” she shifted his backpack on his shoulder. “They don’t do that for guys like me.”

“What are you talking about?” She asked in a calm voice, looking down at the boy. She had never seen him before, which was weird because she knew almost everyone at the school even the underclassman. Sure she was a senior, but she made a point to get to know everyone she could. This boy with his curly brown hair and bright grey eyes was a complete mystery, nonetheless, she wanted to help him.

He wasn’t bad looking. He could use a haircut, and shave those three hairs on his upper lip. Maybe change his outfit to something that actually fit his frame, and he needed to stand up straight. But for now, she worked on the one thing they were actually talking about. “Smile, right now.”

He looked around, seemingly embraced by the idea. “No, I can’t.”

“You can’t smile?” She reached out slapping him on the shoulder. “Come on dude, you asked me how I do it and I’m letting you know. Smile.”

After another few seconds of moving different parts of his body awkwardly, he finally looked up and showed all his teeth, his eyes squinting and his nostrils flaring. 

“Not like that,” Tobin said quickly. “Relax your face. Why do you look angry, you’re smiling?”

He blinked a few times, trying to get the upper half of his face to relax, but kept his lower half the same. “Like dis?” He said through his teeth.

“No,” she said a little worried for the younger guy. “Dude, relax your entire face, you look worried. Your eyes need to match your lips.” She gave a quick smile, not as powerful as she did with a woman, but enough to prove a point. “Yesee. Relaxed.” She spoke as she smiled, then let it go. “Try this, push your tongue against the back of your teeth. If you’re focused on your tongue, the rest of your face will relax.”

Following directions, the boy tried the trick. It took a few seconds, his face going through a few twists before it came to a natural-looking smile. 

Tobin nodded, “You got it. Looks a thousand times better.” Turning her head she looked to see if there were any girls around, and lucky for her two were passing by. “See them?” She nodded over to the two, probably sophomores, walking by. “Smile at them when they pass by us.”

He shifted in his stance, worry coming over his face as she tried to pull the wrinkles from his shirt. His foot started to bounce as he shoved his hands in his pockets. 

“Take your hands out your pocket, it looks bad,” Tobin said quickly, then set a hand on his shoulder. “And chill out, just be calm.”

The girls were approaching, both of them looking ahead until they were just a few feet away, then they turned their heads. Tobin gave a soft smile, she wasn’t one to show interest in anyone below a junior, but she didn’t want to be rude, plus this was all about this guy. She looked down out the corner of her eye to see the boy give something very close to a nice natural smile. The girls smiled back, giggling to themselves, then walking past. 

“Did it work?” He asked with hope.

Tobin’s head went a little to the side, “Eh, it kind of worked. I mean they saw us.” She squeezed her hand on his boney shoulder. “But that’s the first step, they need to see you. Next time you see them, maybe try throwing a head nod or something their way, and if they nod back, then maybe go up and start a conversation.”

“Oh god no!” He took a step back chuckling nervously. “I could never talk to them, not in a billion years.”

“Why?” She asked, looking back at the girls walking making sure she didn’t miss anything. 

When she turned back around, his head was lowered. “They’re pretty, and I’m…” he kicked a pebble on the ground. “I’m me.”

“I don’t get it,” Tobin said with some sincerity. “I mean, you’re not king jock, but you seem like a nice guy.”

“Girls don’t want nice guys,” he shrugged. 

“Who the hell told you that crap?” She almost shouted. Lowering her voice to a reasonable volume, she spoke again. “Listen, all girls want someone nice, okay all that bad boy crap is for the birds. Yeah so maybe they want someone who can give them a little excitement, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be nice at the same time. I mean, Tom Hardy is probably one of the most badass guys in the world, but he’s also nice and respectful.”

“And good looking,” he added in. 

“Okay yeah true,” she agreed, there was no denying it. “But a jerk is a jerk, and all the good looks in the world can’t outshine a bad attitude, not forever at least.” She leaned back on the stone wall. “Trust me, if you’re nice and respectful, girls will notice you.” She adjusted her headphones on her neck. “And smile, don’t forget to smile.”

He gave a short laugh, tucking his hands in his pockets. “You should make a how-to guide or something.”

Tobin scoffed, “Yeah maybe.”

A honk came, and she turned to see a black SUV pull up in front of the steps. The tinted window rolled down and her best friend leaned down, her freckled face looking a little annoyed with life, but that was just how Kelley looked most days.

Tobin picked her backpack up off the ground and slung it over her shoulder. “Hey, I gotta go. I didn’t get your name.”

“Jake,” he said looking up with the new smile he just learned. “Jake Press.”

“Nice to meet you, Jake,” Tobin said tucking her phone into her pocket. “You new here?”

“Yeah, my family just moved here.” 

Tobin nodded, looking back to the car waiting on her. “Cool, I’m Tobin. I’ll see you around.” She started walking, only to turn her head back, “And take your hands out your pockets.”