Archive of Our Own

--Cas--

He hoped that Dean would say something. Anything. It didn’t even have to be an apology, not that Castiel would deserve one or has ever really gotten one from Dean but he hoped that Dean would say ‘Stay’ or even ‘Go away’ would be better than silence because at least then he would know he was making the right choice instead of being filled with doubt as he hears the bunker door close behind him.

Dean Winchester, the man that Castiel would do anything for, the man that taught him there is more to life than taking orders and feeling nothing, the man that taught him that life is about doing anything for the people you love and care about.

Castiel sighs as he reaches his car and sits down in the driver's seat. He thinks about that last lesson, doing anything for the people you love and care about, clearly, that rule no longer applied to him as Dean said, Cas was truly dead to him in every shape and form.

Castiel hits the car’s wheel and it lets out a loud honk, he keeps hitting it not worried about Dean or Sam hearing it from the bunker (not that Dean would come out anyway if he could hear it). Finally, after a minute of taking out his frustrations on the car, he stops and lets out what sounds like a sob, he knows he can’t cry even in his weakened state but the actions make him feel better. Castiel sobs inside the car, for the loss of his son, for the hatred that Dean feels for him, and the loss of Sam as a friend. He cries for the loss of his family and the man that taught him how to love.

After what feels like hours, Castiel pulls himself together and feels both embarrassed and ashamed having never broken down like that in all his millenniums of being alive and now he can truly see just how exhausted he is. Castiel doesn’t know where he’ll go, whenever he was away from the Winchesters it was because he was doing something for them or was incapable of going back to them but this time he is alone, neither Dean or Sam was just a phone call away or even cared if he was alive or dead. Castiel looks up and sees that the sun is rising meaning it must be early morning, taking that as his cue to leave, he puts the car into drive and looks at the bunker door one last time, not because he expects one of the Winchester brothers (namely Dean) to come running out of it looking for him but because he might never see it again, a place he always thought he could call home no matter what.

Castiel shakes his head and starts driving his car towards the sunrise.

--Dean--

Dean lost count on what number beer he was on as he opens another one. He knows its early morning from the clock on the wall, and it's been a while since he’s been drunk this early, he would like to say he’s only drinking at these early hours because they are no longer busy but even if the ghost apocalypse is done, he knows that him and Sam are going to jump right back into cases so they are still technically busy. Old Dean was always at least half-drunk on cases, a highly functioning alcoholic as his brother used to call him with disappointment in his eyes. Dean doesn’t like to think he is going back into his old habits from when he was younger, he would like to think he at least matured a little bit but back then he was unhappy so he must be unhappy now too. His most basic instinct, the one that protects Sam at any cost, is satisfied, after 15 years of God throwing bullshit their way for his entertainment, they finally got through his final showdown relatively unharmed and they lost people but Sam and Dean Winchester the duo that is known for dying made it out alive. But past that instinct Dean is miserable.

His mother is dead and while they did get to have a hunter’s funeral for her, Dean didn’t truly get to say goodbye not the way he wanted to and standing there watching his mother’s corpse burn he felt like a helpless four-year-old again holding a six-month-old Sammy in his arms.

Jack is dead and while Dean was so mad at the kid, so mad to the point where he did feel like he could kill him when it came down to it he couldn’t do it. When holding the gun to Jack’s head, he looked into his eyes and he saw his kid, the son that he raised, the son that he would forgive no matter what and he couldn’t kill him. But then God took him away and like Mary, Dean never truly got to say goodbye.

Then there is the whole situation with Cas. While Cas isn’t dead, Dean has said some pretty horrible things to him and while rationally he knows that his mother’s death isn’t Cas’s fault, Cas had no way of knowing how bad Jack was, none of them knew, he still needed an outlet to let out his anger and with Jack dead, Cas was sadly the next choice. He never meant to make Cas leave, he was just angry and sad, but now he has driven Cas away and with his body filled with alcohol, anger, and sadness, he doesn’t know how to feel anymore.

Before his thoughts could get any darker, he hears Sam finally walk into the library where Dean is sitting at the table and nursing another beer. His brother looks about as good as Dean feels with a pale face and bags under his eyes he knows his brother didn’t get any sleep.

“Hey,” Sam says with a half-smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, Dean finally notices that he’s holding a laptop as he sits down and opens it on the table while saying, “I couldn’t sleep last night so I was looking for cases and I think I found one with dead cheerleaders but the way they died is odd and-”

Dean cuts him off, “You can tell me the details in the car. You had me at the word case, wheels up in 15,” he says and gets up to go grab his overnight bag. Old Dean would have said ‘you had me at cheerleaders’ but he doesn’t have enough energy to act like his old cocky ladies’ man self, at least he has matured in that way.

He’s about to exit the library when he hears, “Okay great. I’ll get Cas, he probably wants to get out of the bunker as badly as we do,” he says it with caution like he’s waiting for Dean to protest.

Dean stills hearing Cas’s name and turns around hoping that his voice gives nothing away when he says, “He left.”

Sam stops typing and looks up at Dean with confusion in his eyes.

“What do you mean he left? Like he went to get some stuff from the store or…”

“Well, his exact words were ‘I think it’s time for me to move on’, so no Sam I don’t think he went on a milk run to the store,” Dean says bitterly. Dean doesn’t want to talk about Cas or how much he screwed up with him because he’s gone and he’s probably never coming back and if Dean doesn’t bury how that makes him feel, he doesn’t know how he’ll react.

Sam’s face goes from confusion to anger and his eyes are like steel when he asks, “What did you say, Dean?”

Now Dean is pissed and since he has already pushed Cas away why not make it a 2-for-1 deal with his brother.

“I didn’t say a goddamn thing to him, Sam! He chose to leave!”, Dean yells.

Now Sam stands up equally as pissed and yells back, “Like hell you didn’t say anything! I let you continue with your bad attitude towards Cas in the ghost apocalypse because there was so much going on but I hoped once we got back to the bunker you two would talk but you already drove him away, Dean! Your best friend, a man that you called family and you once called your big win-”

“Enough Sam,” Dean says his voice a lot quieter but still filled with anger.

All the fight seems to leave Sam’s body at once and he looks at the ground with sadness. It seems like his brother isn’t going to say anything else after a minute of silence but he hears Sam all but whisper, “Cas gave up heaven for you, Dean, he went to hell and back for you, literally and metaphorically, he would do anything for you and you use to be the same, Dean. I’m not saying you can’t be mad at him, he made mistakes but we all make mistakes, it’s kind of our thing! But think long and hard about what you are truly doing, about what you’re giving up by letting Cas go. You love Cas, in what type of way I don’t know but he’s apart of this family and family doesn’t give up on each other, those were your words, Dean. And I know losing Mom-”, Sam stops for a moment but continues, “hurt and then we lost Jack on top of that but think about what would Mom say if she saw you right now, do honestly believe she would want you hating Cas, one of the people that have stood by you when everyone else around us has died or left and-just think about it, Dean.”

Sam exits the library, leaving Dean alone.

Dean is shocked into silence by his brother’s words and with the fight gone in him too now, he lets Sam’s words sink in. He knows his mother would be disappointed in how he’s treating Cas, hell, he would have already gotten a disappointed look just for his treatment of Jack but Dean doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. He just feels so angry at everything and everyone and Cas just became an easy target maybe because Dean thought that Cas would never truly leave him no matter how Dean treated him but he was foolish to think that. Last week, Dean asked what was real anymore now that they found out that God was playing them and Cas was right when he said, we are, Cas’s feelings were real and Dean took advantage of Cas’s undying loyalty to him even when he does or says horrible things to him.

Dean finally gets up and heads to his room for his overnight bag. Once he pulls it out from under his bed, another part of Sam’s words enters his mind, ‘You love Cas, in what type of way I don’t know…’, of course, he loves Cas, he might be pissed but once someone enters Dean’s heart they never truly leave, but ‘what type of way’, what the hell did his brother mean by that? He once called Cas his brother but for some reason, his and Cas’s relationship doesn’t feel like brotherly love and it somehow feels deeper than best friends…

Dean shakes his head, the beers are already starting to hit him negatively and thinking about his feelings isn’t making him feel better so he does what he always does, he pushes down his feelings and thinks about the case.

Dean grabs his bag and heads for the car.

--Cas--

As Castiel opens his eyes for a minute he remembers nothing and he feels at peace but then all at once it hits him again, his loss and grief, Dean’s anger towards him, and leaving the Winchesters behind.

Castiel sighs as he gets up and looks around the motel room that he chose to stay at for the night, with its tacky wallpaper and furniture that looks like it’s straight out of the 70s, he knows he picked this place because it reminded him of the Winchesters, especially since there was a much nicer hotel that he passed and easily could have gone to.

He gets out of the bed feeling much better, physically at least, he hadn't slept since like crying he is incapable of doing it but like Sam told him he was just tired physically and needed to rest without using his powers or fighting the supernatural.

Castiel still has no idea of where he is going, he just knows he needs to get as far away from Kansas as possible and while it is a big state he doesn’t want any chances of running into the Winchesters, especially Dean.

Thinking about the other Winchester, Sam, Cas does feel bad about not saying goodbye to Sam since while Dean and Cas will always share their ‘profound bond’, or at least did, he and Sam had developed their unique friendship that felt like best friends in a way. While Cas had wanted to say goodbye to Sam a part of him couldn’t help but worry that Sam might ask him to stay or worse, agree with him and tell him it was best if he did move on, because while Sam had treated him like normal during the ghost apocalypse, he didn’t exactly speak up when Dean was being particularly nasty towards him making Cas wonder if some part of Sam agreed with Dean for blaming him for his mother’s death since while Dean made his thoughts loud and clear, Sam never really talked about how he felt.

As Cas is getting ready to go take a shower, his phone starts to ring from across the room. Cas’s heart starts beating fast since he knows only three people usually call him, one is dead, and another hates him so that only leaves one other person.

He gets up to check and as he suspected, the caller ID says Sam, a part of Cas wants to ignore the call and just throw away his phone but then he would forever be fully cutting himself off from Sam and Dean and he can’t handle that yet. Making his choice, Cas answers the phone.

“Hello,” Cas says.

He hears Sam let out a sigh of relief on the other side of the phone and say in a hushed whisper, “Cas, I’m so happy that you answered I thought for sure it would go to your voicemail. I have no idea what Dean said to you but I know he didn’t mean it he’s just hurt and sad and he doesn’t know how else to show it besides getting mad at everyone around him, including you. We are all sad and grieving and we need each other more than ever so please come home Cas, because you’re family and my best friend, and you’re Dean’s...well you know how important you are to Dean. We are working a case you should come to meet us, working a simple case together again might help us.”

Castiel feels warm knowing that Sam stills cares about him and wants him to come home but then as Sam says the last part of his statement it is like ice-cold water has been dumped on him. Sam just wants him to come because he and Dean need help on their case not because they truly need him, as a person, but as their friend that even in his weakened state has angel powers that can be useful. ‘They are using you Castiel. That’s all you are to them a little muscle and a healing toy. They don’t care about you at all but I guess you found that out the hard way, right.”, a voice says in his head that sounds just like Belphegor. Castiel feels a wave of anger for the demon that disgraced Jack’s body then tricked them which made Cas have to kill him and destroy Jack’s body for good and lead to Dean hating him more and the death of Rowena.

Castiel feels so angry he’s surprised that he hasn’t broken the phone yet, in his anger Cas almost forgot about Sam on the phone until he hears, “Hello? Cas? You still there…”. Not wanting to say anything he’ll regret Cas just quickly says, “I’m sorry, Sam. I can’t help you and Dean on the case. Goodbye.”, and hangs up.

Castiel hates that his moment to say goodbye to Sam or at least talk to him was ruined by that Demon again, as indirectly as it may be. Dean was mad before but what he did to Belphegor was the final straw and if the horrible thing had just kept his word, they would have gotten a win and Rowena would still be alive and Sam wouldn’t be so sad and he wouldn’t have had to watch what felt like the second time of watching Jack die.

Castiel is filled with so much hatred at this moment he doesn’t even regret killing the demon, he’s glad he’s dead. He pauses at those words and thinks about a person who probably wishes that he was dead and he realizes that if Dean even feels the tiniest bit of hatred that he feels right now towards him then he could understand Dean wanting him dead, and that thought is truly horrifying.

--Sam--

As Sam hears Cas saying goodbye he regrets his idea of asking Cas to come to the case, Sam quickly tries to backtrack before Cas hangs up, “Wait, Cas! The case doesn’t matter I just thought it would be good for you to meet us but we can meet at the bunker. I just want all of us to talk, especially you and Dean,” Sam waits for a reply but when none comes he looks at his phone and realizes that Cas is long gone. Before Sam can try and redial him, Dean walks in with his FBI suit on and a brown bag that must have their food in it.

Sam rests his phone on the table and sits down since with Dean back it’s too late to call Cas again.

Dean sits down and starts pulling out their food (its burgers and fries, of course) and without even looking at Sam he asks, “Who was on the phone?”

Sam stills, worried that Dean heard him but he looks at his brother and he only has eyes for the burger in front of him and he doesn’t sound suspicious so he is probably just casually asking.

“Oh it was Jody. She said she just heard about what is going on with the ghosts from other hunters and offered to come down and help us but I told her it was already taken care of and we are just working on a typical new case,” Sam replies, and it’s technically half-true since right before he was going to call Cas, Jody called in a panic saying she just heard the news of a ghost apocalypse and she’s coming now and it took several minutes to calm her down and say that everything is fine now, kind of, she was sad to hear about Rowena and Ketch’s death because while she didn’t know them personally she knew they were Sam and Dean’s friends.

Dean just nods and says, “Oh nice I should give her a call later and ask about Claire and the other girls,” his eyes were still glued to the burger and he takes a huge bite from it. Sam can’t help a small smile come on his face since of course, the first time in weeks Dean would express any sort of positive emotion it would be for a burger. Some things never change.

Dean is half-way through his burger when he finally looks at Sam and shallows before saying, “I talked to some locals in the burger shop and its really odd, they seem to care more about the football game that’s apparently happening this Friday than the fact that two girls are dead so I say we hit the school next and talk to the principal.”

Seeing his brother in a different mood besides angry and semi-angry for the first time in weeks, Sam just nods and takes a bite of his burger.

It was a really good burger.

---Cas---

Cas had been driving for hours going nowhere in particular just seeing where the road takes him when it finally hits him where he should go or more like who he should see.

Claire.

Castiel had messed up big time with Claire, taking her father’s body. That was another person that should hate him but somehow found a way to forgive him. When Claire became a teenager he wanted to be there for her as a way to make it up to Jimmy but they had just ended up in this weird dynamic that was more like friends that were forced to hang out together. Eventually, a blessing came known as Jody Mills and she gave Claire the attention and parenting she needed. Castiel has always felt bad that he couldn’t raise Claire and be a parental figure in her life but a second chance came around with Jack, and while it didn’t end well he was always proud that Jack called him his father and he could call Jack his son. But even before everything went down with Jack he never stopped thinking about Claire, she was always in the back of his mind, and he would often call Jody to see how Claire was doing since Claire was often away on hunts rarely answering her phone or maybe, she purposely ignored his calls.

Castiel knows it’s a long shot going to see her, while Jody might be happy to see him, Claire at best would be indifferent to him showing up since Cas knows that she has a much stronger bond with Sam and Dean. He doesn’t plan to stay long but what happened with Jack and even Dean made him realize that one minute someone you love can be here and then gone the next so you have to let them know how important they are to you, and Claire has always been family.

It takes about two days to get to Jody’s house since with Castiel at better strength he can drive straight there with little to no rest.

Finally, he pulls up to Jody Mills’s house close to the evening and he sees the lights are on so he knows someone is home. As Castiel walks up the steps he’s about to knock on the door when he starts to have second thoughts, maybe it was a bad idea coming, him and Claire are on good terms now but it can’t ever get easy to see an angel walking around in your dead dad’s body, it was dumb for him to come, he should just get back into his car and drive north, he can call Claire one last time then ditch his phone.

Castiel turns back around and starts walking back down the stairs when he hears the door behind him open and a woman's voice says, “Now I know you did not drive all this way just to not knock on my door and say hi.”

Castiel pauses realizing he has been caught and turned back around to see Jody Mills in her sheriff uniform and a huge smile on her face.

Feeling embarrassed, Castiel walks back up the stairs with his tail between his legs (he’s pretty sure that’s the expression that Dean taught him not that it makes much sense) and returns the hug that Jody gives him. Jody holds him extra long meaning she must be able to tell that something is wrong or maybe Sam and Dean told her already (he really hopes not) but she pats his back letting go and ushering him inside.

Jody starts talking again and is heading to her dining room, “I just got back from work so sorry about the uniform. Anyways I know you aren’t much an eater but do you want anything to drink?”, Jody asks sitting at the dining table.

Castiel gives a polite no thank you and sits down next to Jody. He was about to ask about Claire but Jody beats him to it.

“So I know you’re probably here to see Claire she ran out to grab some items for her next case but she said they could all be found in the grocery store so she shouldn’t be gone too long,” Jody tells him.

Castiel nods glad that Claire wasn’t away on a hunting trip and he would get the chance to talk to her.

Jody gives him another warm smile and looks genuinely happy to see him but he can see the curiosity and confusion in her eyes and Castiel knows she wants to ask him questions, “So I spoke to Sam a couple of days ago,'' oh no Castiel knows what’s coming, “and he said you guys we're dealing with a ghost apocalypse made by God,” she’s looking at him with wide eyes and disbelief so Castiel nods to confirm it, “wow only you and the Winchesters could get into situations like that,” she says with a laugh that doesn’t sound too humourous.

They sit in silence for a moment, Jody probably taking everything in and Castiel relieved that Sam hadn’t mentioned Castiel’s many failures and leaving.

As if just realizing something Jody looks at Castiel again and says, “Sam never mentioned you were coming here.”

“Oh um him and Dean are working a case and I just decided it would be good to come and see Claire, he probably just forgot to mention it,” Castiel quickly says.

Jody’s eyes narrow like she doesn’t believe a word he said but before she could question him some more, Castiel changes the subject by asking, “Where are the other girls?”

Castiel noticed right away that the house was too quiet even if Claire is not home and it’s getting pretty late for all the girls to be gone especially since if he recalled correctly one is still in high school.

Jody is smiling but it is a sad one and Castiel realizes maybe he shouldn’t have asked.

“Well Alex is in nursing and she saved up enough money to move in with her boyfriend across town, Patience fixed things with her father and with Claire always away on hunts the house is more empty than full.”

Castiel realizes that Jody’s family has ‘moved on’ and he realizes even if him and Dean hadn’t gotten into their fight maybe it was always going to end the same, Castiel having no choice but to move on from Dean.

Not knowing what else to say he just says, “I’m sorry, Jody.”

Jody still has her sad smile but she looks happier when she says, “Nothing to be sorry about, Castiel. Of course, I miss my girls but when each of them first came into my home, life had treated them unfairly and I made a promise that I would make sure every one of them would see that life can be good and I feel like I have accomplished that. Alex is an amazing nurse, Patience is on the honour roll and running for student council and as much as I might not like it, Claire is an amazing hunter and has saved many lives. I’m proud of them.”

Castiel is about to respond when the door opens and Claire walks in.

“I got everything I need for my next case, Jody. I talked to my hunting friends and they are still dealing with some ghost so it probably won’t be for another week until I leave and-Castiel!”, Claire says finally seeing him at the dinner table with Jody.

“Hello Claire,” Castiel says hoping his voice doesn’t sound as nervous as he feels.

But Claire just smiles at him and like Jody, she walks up to him and hugs him.

“It’s about damn time you came around.”

Castiel smiles back already knowing he made the right choice to come.

Claire lets go of the hug and they sit down at the dinner table with Jody, “Well I guess I can’t be too mad since a ghost apocalypse with God would make anyone busy,” Claire says with a smirk but he can see the worry in her eyes.

Castiel nods and tries to reassure her, “Yes, it was a lot to deal with but....everyone is fine.”

It’s not a lie, emotionally everyone might be very damaged, but physically everyone is mostly okay, and Claire never really knew Rowena so he doesn’t need to mention her death.

--Claire--

Something is wrong with Cas.

Claire knows at least that much. She and Jody had talked to Sam just the other day and he never said that Cas was coming, meaning he forgot or the more likely case, Cas never told him he was coming.

He also just looks so sad.

He had looked happy for a moment when he saw Claire but now sitting here at the table again, he looked lost.

Claire looks over at her mom and she looks at her back, and they begin having a silent conversation, a skill they learned hunting together.

Why is the angel boy sad?

I don’t know, Claire, he didn’t tell me anything.

He’ll probably tell me maybe you should leave for a moment.

Of course, this was all told through faces and arm gestures but Jody must get the gist of what Claire is saying because she nods and says, “I should get out of this uniform and take a shower I’ll be back in a few”, leaving Claire and Cas.

Once Jody is gone, Claire gets down to business and asks, “What’s wrong? How hard do I have to kick the Winchester’s asses?”

Cas looked shocked for a second probably not expecting Claire to pick up that there was a problem so fast but he just sighs and calmly says, “Nothing is wrong, Claire. Everything is...fine with the Winchesters there is no need to kick anyone’s...ass.”

Another time Claire would have laughed at the way he said ass but she knows that this isn’t a laughing matter.

“Stop bullshitting, Cas. I can see you’re hurting and it has to do with Sam and Dean so tell me what’s wrong?”

Cas finally lets his ‘I’m a strong angel that doesn’t feel anything’ exterior crumble a bit and says, “Fine you’re right things between Sam, Dean, and I, aren’t good but it’s not what they did, it’s what I did.”

Claire nods for Cas to keep going.

“Have you heard about Jack?”, Claire nods again, recalling the half-angel half-human that Jody told her about and looking at a picture of him with Sam, Dean and Cas, she couldn’t believe that such a soft-looking boy could be Lucifer himself son plus wasn’t he supposed to be like a baby. “Well, I’m sure Jody told you we decided to raise him seeing as we didn’t want him to go down the path of his father and at first it worked and it was good. But then Jack got sick and...some things happened and Jack began to lose his soul and Jack did something unforgivable to the Winchesters and eventually he was killed by God.”

Claire feels confused, feeling like Cas was kind of vague and only told her half the story but she can see how painful Jack’s death is to the angel and how much he meant to Cas even if she never really got the chance to meet him.

Claire puts her hand on Cas’s offering comfort and for a minute she remembers doing the same thing with her father when she was younger since she knew he wasn’t a big hugger but she pushes down that feeling and says, “I’m sorry, Cas.”

Cas holds her hand back and says, “Me too.”

Claire decides she should probably stop but leaving things alone has never been her strong suit maybe that’s why she is such a good hunter, she’ll stay in a town no matter how long it takes to find a monster and make sure it doesn’t hurt anyone else again.

“Wait, but if Jack was the one to do this thing unforgivable thing why are Sam and Dean so mad at you?”

“Well I knew something was wrong with Jack and that he was slowly losing his soul but I never thought in a million years he would do what he did and at that point it was too late to tell Sam and Dean what I knew because Jack had already taken away something from them and Dean blamed me for it, he even said I was...dead to him and ever since then he can’t even look at me.”

Claire feels ice cold, “Dean would never-he said that to you?”, Claire understands Dean being angry and she still doesn’t know what this unforgivable thing is but it must be pretty bad for Dean to say something so horrible to his...something, Claire totally thinks Cas and Dean were banging but Jody says they are just good friends.

“Cas,” Claire says slowly, “what did Jack do?”

Cas looks up with pain in his eyes reponds with, “He killed Sam and Dean’s mom.”

Things are so much worse than she thought.

She has to do something.

--Dean--

Dean falls face-first into his bed at the bunker once Sam and him get home.

Usually, Dean wouldn’t be this tired after a case but with everything they have been dealing with the past couple of weeks, it makes sense he wouldn’t be at his full strength.

But honestly the case was exactly what he needed when working a case, the only thing he has to think about is the case and nothing else. Not his problems, not his unhealthy habits, not even his feelings.

Speaking of feelings, for the first time in a week, Dean lets himself think about Cas. He can no longer bury down how he’s feeling and hide from the truth, he pushed Cas away and he might really be gone.

His best friend. Someone besides Sam that he thought would be with him till the very end, sitting on a beach and dipping their toes in the sand.

But Dean did what he always does, he became too much and Cas left.

Dean is not going to lie he thought that Cas would call by now, Dean knows it’s selfish to think that Cas would call first but he wanted Cas to do it so Dean wouldn’t have to and they could both just say sorry.

But Cas didn’t call and he’s not coming back.

Cas has been such a big part of his life, what will it be like without him?

But before Cas left he said that Sam and Dean have each other but for the first time probably ever in Dean’s life he asks himself…

Is that enough, anymore?

Dean never really had a best friend before, with Sam being his only real friend, that wasn’t his dad’s friends or fellow hunters but Sam was his brother so he didn’t really count either.

Then he met Castiel, an angel of the Lord, and they began getting close and he liked having someone in his corner besides Sam, and he met other people along the way but eventually they died and stayed dead but no matter what Cas was still there even when he died he came back and no matter what Dean did to him or treated him, he still stayed by Dean’s side.

Like Sammy.

And Dean liked that.

But he also took advantage of that.

Dean sits up, and realizes just how messed up his relationship was with Cas. Cas made mistakes and so did Dean, but they always forgave each other, it’s what they do.

‘What would Mom say if she saw you right now, do you honestly believe she would want you hating Cas,’ his brother had said to him and he’s right.

His mom wouldn’t want him hating Cas, she would hate what he has become, almost as much as he hates himself.

Forget it, Dean doesn’t care about being angry anymore, he just wants his best friend back.

Dean picks up his phone and goes to his contacts he only hesitates to push Cas’s name for a second before he clicks it and puts his phone to his ear.

‘Hello-this is Castiel. I’m currently unavailable so please leave a message and-Dean stop laughing at me! You’re the one that told me to make a new message and...wait it’s still recording help me turn it off, Dean,” Dean can he hear his laughter in the background before the voice message cuts out.

And there it was.

It finally hit Dean what he has truly lost. Hearing that message, hearing how happy Dean was in it and how casual Cas had sounded. That’s what Dean has lost.

He loves Cas.

Dean feels like he’s about to lose it when his phone rings in his hand, Dean quickly looks but feels disappointed when it isn’t Cas but then confused.

Why is Claire calling him?

“Hey, Claire. Is everything okay?”, Dean quickly asks, wanting to make sure that nothing happened to her or Jody, or that she needs help with a case, Dean would of course go but honestly, at this point, he just feels like he needs to hold up in his bedroom for a couple of days.

Claire just sighs on the other side and says, “Honestly Dean, I don’t even know what to say to you.”

Now Dean feels confused he wasn’t expecting Claire to say that so he just asks, “What do you mean?”

“Cas showed up at our doorstep tonight.”

Dean feels like all the air has been sucked out of him. Cas, he’s okay and he’s with Jody and Claire.

Maybe this means Dean still has a chance to make things right if Cas was going to completely cut him off he would have gone somewhere where no one knows who he is especially since he knows that Jody and Claire would call him and Sam and say Cas was with them.

But maybe that’s the message that Cas is trying to send even if he didn’t consciously mean to send it…

You didn’t say something last time, come say it now.

Dean hears the message, but is he ready for what happens next?

Dean only realizes he’s still on the phone with Claire when she talks again, “He’s heartbroken, Dean. He didn’t tell me everything but he told me enough, that you said he was dead to you,” Dean winces taking in just how horrible he was to Cas, maybe he shouldn’t see him, he’s probably much better without Dean in his life.

Claire continues but she sounds less heated and sadder when she says, “He also said...that your mother passed away. And I’m sorry for your loss, I am, I know you know death so do I but losing your mom...it just hits different. And I get angry, I am still angry but trust me taking it out on the people that love you just doesn’t solve anything, it just leaves you bitter and alone. Treating Cas like shit-”, Dean hears Jody say a sharp Claire in the background, meaning she must be listening, “I’m sorry Mom but it’s true! Anyways it’s not going to bring her back or make you feel better. I bet before I called you were probably sitting there feeling like shi- I mean bad, right?”

Dean sighs and doesn’t deny it saying, “Yeah.”

“Well then get off your high horse and come fix things with your boyfriend. He wanted to leave but we convinced him to stay for a couple of days so get in that Impala and drive as fast as you can here.”

Dean says a quick thanks Claire and hangs up, quickly he gets out of bed, all tiredness was gone now that he has new motivation again. He heads to Sam’s room and shakes him explaining the situation to a half-awake Sam before he heads to his Baby and starts his drive to Claire and Jody’s house.

--Claire--

Claire thinks she gets her point across when she hears Dean say, “Thanks Claire”, and hang up.

Claire pulls the phone away from her ear and puts it down on the table before looking at Jody who is frowning.

“Hey I thought we were both going to talk to him, you know, you’re Plan A and I’m Plan B”, her step-mom says.

Claire shrugs and says, “Looks like Plan A with my tough love worked we should be expecting Dean within the next 2 to 3 days.”

Jody’s frown turns into a proud smile and she says, “That’s my girl,” hugging her, before she pulls away and says, “come on let’s go to the living room and see Cas, I think when I left him he was watching the Bee Movie.”

Claire sighs.

Come get your boyfriend, Dean.

----Cas----

Castiel has been enjoying his three days with Claire and Jody but he knows he has overstayed his welcome.

This is what happened with Sam and Dean, he came into people’s lives and gets comfortable before he messes up because he always messes up and ruins their lives.

It doesn’t matter how much Jody and Claire keep asking him to stay just one more day, he knows he has to leave today so he can do everyone a favour and be gone for good.

Making up his mind, Cas leaves the couch where him, Jody and Claire are watching T.V and heads upstairs to change into his clothes and coat (he’s been wearing Jody’s old husband clothes since she said she never had the heart to throw them out) before he heads back downstairs.

Claire looks over before her eyes widen seeing he’s in his normal outfit getting ready to leave.

“Where are you going, Cas?”, Claire says sounding worried.

“I am very thankful for you and Jody’s kindness but I think it’s time for me to continue with my journey and get back on the road again.”

“You can’t leave,” Claire pretty much shouts.

“Claire, I promise to keep in touch, I’ll call you when I get to a motel-”

“No you don’t get it-”, Claire begins to say but seems to look at Jody for help.

Jody looks a bit panicked too but calmly says, “Can’t you stay just one more night or even just a couple more hours we just need more time- I mean-”

But Castiel stops listening to her when he hears a noise that is like no other, outside the house he can hear the roar of an Impala pulling up into Jody’s driveway.

Castiel turns wide eyes to the women in the room but they both just look relief with Claire saying, “Thank god.”

Realizing what is happening, Castiel quickly leaves the house and he ignores the giant black Impala behind Jody’s car and just quickly heads to his car he’s about to put in the key when he felt someone touch his arm and turn him around.

And then Castiel is staring into green eyes.

Dean Winchester, the man that he gripped tight and raised from perdition all those years ago, the man he defiled heaven for, the man that he loves.

Castiel loves him.

It’s only been a little over a week since he has seen this man but it feels longer and seeing him just made all those feelings come back.

--Dean--

It took three days to get here but Dean made it. He would have loved to have made the time shorter but sadly, he is human, and he needs rest so he stayed in a classic tacky 70s motel.

Dean pulls up into Jody’s driveway and takes a deep breath realizing that he’s about to see Cas again. He’s going to beg him to forgive him and maybe say he loves him as more than a best friend but first let’s see how the sorry goes down.

Dean doesn’t even have time to text Claire that he’s here before he sees Jody’s door swing open and watch a trench coat run out of the house.

Dean is only in shock for a second before he curses himself realizing that Cas probably heard the Impala from a mile away and is trying to escape Dean.

If Cas wants to go, Dean won’t stop, he has hurt Cas badly enough and the least he can do is respect Cas’s wishes but he has to at least say his piece before Cas moves on from him.

So he quickly gets out of the car and rushes to reach Cas.

Cas is putting his keys in the car door when Dean touches his arm and turns him around.

Then all Dean sees is blue.

Those blue eyes, that have always been there for Dean when he needed them.

‘I always come when you call, Dean.’

Castiel had once said that to him and he meant it, now Dean needs to do the same.

“Hey,'' Dean says realizing that he has forgotten every word in the grand speech he planned in the past three days.

Cas looks wary like he doesn’t know how Dean is going to react but just replies with, “Hello Dean.”

His voice. Dean has missed it.

Dean wants to say everything but all he can get out is, “So Jody and Claire, huh? Not exactly the five-star hotel I imagined you in but pretty nice-”

Cas cuts his bullshit with, “Why are you here, Dean?”, his voice is cold and Dean knows he needs to say what he needs to say now or Cas walks.

Forever.

Dean sighs and begins, “I came to say sorry, Cas. And not some half-ass sorry like I always do but a real sorry. I am so sorry for the way I treated you, Cas. I was angry and sad about Mom and Jack then having to add Rowena and Ketch’s deaths on top of everything, I just snapped but there are no excuses. And what I said before about-”, Dean pauses for a minute, saying sorry was the easy part but the rest is going to be hard, “-about you being dead to me. God Cas, I can’t believe I said that and I did not mean it. I never told you this because I don’t know I guess I didn’t want to seem weak or it didn’t seem important but I was a mess after your death. I couldn’t sleep or eat and I couldn’t stand the sight of Jack, I guess I treated him kind of like how I’m treating you, ironic I know. But I remember how I felt when I saw you at the phone post, it was something I haven’t felt in a long time, hope. Hope for a better future. And I guess somewhere along the way I lost that feeling again but I could never want you dead, Cas. I love you,” Dean finally looks into Cas’s eyes and he looks pained, he must feel awkward and want to leave but Dean forces himself to continue, “I love you more than a best friend should and not like a brother”, hoping that Cas gets what Dean is saying, “You make me feel hope and happiness Cas even in my darkest times and I feel miserable when I’m without you, Cas. You said Sam and I have each other, but I finally realize for the first time that I’m not complete unless I have you too.”

Dean finishes and he waits for Cas to say something even if it’s he hates Dean or he can’t forgive him or even-

But then Dean feels a warm pair of lips on his and he realizes that Cas is kissing him.

Dean kisses him back, and this is what Dean has been missing and now that he has it, he’s never going to let it go.

Castiel pulls away first, and says, “I love you, too.”, with a huge smile on his face.

Dean smiles back and is about to say something when he hears, “Finally,” and she sees Claire clapping and cat-calling while Jody is trying to push her inside giving him and Cas an apologetic smile for having interrupted their moment.

Once they are inside, Dean laughs for the first time in weeks.

----

Everything is not completely fixed between Dean and Cas. They still have a lot more talks between them, and they might not know it yet but a lot more battles to fight before they get to their beach and dip their toes in the sand.

But sitting in Dean’s Impala heading back to the bunker after saying goodbye to Jody and Claire, they are happy and in love.

And that is more than enough for both of them.

---Mary---

Mary is sitting on a couch, watching her fireplace in her heaven with her husband, John Winchester, when an angel appears.

John who was half-asleep jerks awake and says, “Goddamnit don’t you angels know how to knock.”

The angel looks nervous but Mary quickly calms her husband down, “Be nice, John. If this angel is here, she must have news.”

Her husband gives her a kind smile and kisses her cheek before saying a quiet sorry to the angel in the room.

“Sorry about that, Lucy, I’m assuming you have news about what we talked about?”, Mary says to the angel.

“Yes indeed. Sam seems to be feeling a bit better after Rowena’s death I saw him out buying food in the grocery store and as for Dean, he seems to be doing a lot better. Castiel and him have worked things out and seem to be in what human’s call, a romantic relationship.”

Next to her John seems to choke on air but Mary just feels a big smile appear on her face, happy for her son.

Mary remembers her death. After she had tried to calm Jack down, one minute she saw a bright light and was on earth, the next she opened her eyes and had angels informing her that she was killed by Jack and was in heaven.

One part of Mary was upset, not at Jack, she knew what the boy had done was an accident, she was upset that she didn’t get to say goodbye to Sam and Dean but another part, a bigger part of her if she’s being honest, was okay with what had happened. She had already missed so much that when she came back to earth it felt like a different place, it no longer felt like home. Everyone she knew and loved was long gone or dead, all she had was her boys, and while they didn’t have the life that she imagined she was so proud of who they became. They saved people and had their own family as unconventional as it was. She was happy that she got to meet them both once again and see who they have become.

Once she realized she was now in heaven she asked to be taken to John Winchester’s heaven and she and John reunited once again, hugging each other, Mary felt so happy and in John’s arms, it felt like home.

After a while, she couldn’t shake her worry about how Sam and Dean were doing, she knew that the boys would be very upset with Jack for killing her but she didn’t want them to do something extreme, that they would both regret.

So it took a lot of annoying and mentioning how she was a Winchester but she finally got an angel to agree to go down to earth and check on Sam and Dean, a petite brown-haired girl named Lucy.

Lucy was gone for a while but she came back and said how Jack was dead and Sam and Dean were not doing okay.

Mary felt shocked, asking if Sam or Dean killed him but Lucy said that it was God that killed Jack. Mary felt saddened by the news since Jack became like another son to her and she knew Sam and Dean would take his death hard.

Lucy then told her, God had created a ghost apocalypse and Sam, Dean, and Castiel seems to be trying to take care of it. She said that Sam was hurt during their confrontation with God but was fine and Dean was also fine physically but has a lot of tension with Castiel and the main source of it seems to stem from Mary’s death.

Mary thanked her for the information, impressed that the seemly meek angel had gotten so much information about her boys. She was, of course, worried about her boy’s well-being and John had freaked out when he heard about the apocalypse but Mary said they have dealt with apocalypses before and came out on top of the stories they told her so she believed they would do it again.

Mary thinks about the other piece of information she got, that Dean and Cas were fighting and she didn’t like that at all. When she first saw Dean and Cas together, she wondered if they were more than friends like how when she was a teenager the guys down the street from her house were more than friends, but when she saw them together, she realized they both had feelings for each other but were too stubborn to admit it.

She felt sad again that she had caused them to fight, even if it was indirectly and hoped Dean would stop being stubborn and just talk to Castiel because she knows Winchester boys and she knows they are always the stubborn ones in fights.

After Lucy leaves, with Mary telling her to keep an eye on them longer, she tells John about her worries about Jack’s death, and Sam and Dean’s wellbeing and the fight between Dean and Cas.

John just shrugs at the last part through and says, “Who cares if he’s fighting with some angel? If they don’t make up, Dean will find a new friend.”

Mary shakes her head, “You don’t get it, John,” you didn’t see them together, “Castiel is not just an angel or some friend to Dean he means more,” Mary says hoping her husband gets it.

John just looks more confused and says, “What they BFF or something?”

Men.

“Like I can see him and that angel being married tomorrow,” Mary says.

John is in shocked silence for 10 minutes.

Eventually, Lucy keeps coming back with updates, and while the ghost apocalypse seems to have gotten better, sadly it ended with Rowena and Ketch’s death, Mary tenses a bit hearing Ketch’s name, Dean and Cas’s relationship has gotten worse. Lucy also said that her superiors were getting upset about her leaving heaven just to give Mary updates so she would have to stop soon.

Mary had worried that she would always have to wonder if Dean and Castiel made up but today Lucy came and said that Dean and Castiel made up and that they are in a relationship.

And Mary couldn’t be happier.

Mary would always worry about her boys but they had each other, and now Dean has found love.

Lucy says this will be her last update and bids her and John a farewell leaving them alone in their heaven.

Mary is still lost in thought when she feels a kiss on her cheek and sees John smiling at her.

“See Dean and the angel worked out and both Sam and Dean seem to be healing. I think they will be okay,” John says.

Mary nods back and gives her husband another kiss before they go back to cuddling on the couch and watching the fireplace.

Her boys will be okay.