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Day 1
Sitting on the edge of his bed staring at the place between the end of his nose and the wall. David is alone in his head with his thoughts, this is not a safe place for David to be.
9pm:
Oh My God what the actual fuck just happened?
There are no sobs, no shuddering, no sniffles, just tears.
How……..how did I end up.. here?
His head falls, his arms hang at his sides, he inhales a shaky breath.
Thinking back to all the failed relationships, David sees one common thread; himself.
I should have known better. I am not meant to be happy, I’m an IDIOT for thinking it would be different this time.
12am:
David tries to fight off the negative thoughts but there they are, like an annoying earworm repeating the same chorus over and over again.
You are damaged goods, nobody would want you.
You are damaged goods, nobody would want you.
You are damaged goods, nobody would want you.
He shakes his head trying to force out the worm, but it’s only replaced with more evidence.
Lynden left you alone in Rome. That monster Sebastian couldn’t stand being around you, even if just to use you. Hell, even Patrick wouldn’t admit you were nice.
With the heels of his hands pressed into his eyes, David whole body shutters.
You are damaged goods, nobody would want you.
You are damaged goods, nobody would want you.
You are damaged goods, nobody would want you.
2am:
Tossing and turning in bed unable to find sleep, Davids thinks back to the open mic night, and for an instance he feels calm, then... the voice is back.
Simply the Best…yeah right…. If you are so great why would he do this?
You are damaged goods, nobody would want you.
Sitting up, he sees what was left of the cookie sitting on the table. “Fucking 4 month cookie.“
I told him we were tempting fate. ‘Don’t worry’ he says, I bet he said that to her too, and then just left her. Just like he will leave me.
You are damaged goods, nobody would want you.
You are damaged goods, nobody would want you.
You are damaged goods, nobody would want you.
David gets up, wearing a path in the already worn carpet.
If only they hadn’t gone to the BBQ.
“ NO!”
It’s better this happened now than 5 years down the line ...like he would have stayed with you that long.
He tries to shake the thoughts out, but they are louder than any fight he has left.
You are damaged goods, nobody would want you.
You are damaged goods, nobody would want you.
You are damaged goods, nobody would want you.
4am:
There is no anger, no sorrow, just emptiness, he is numb. If he lets himself feel, the pain will drown him.
He will mourn the loss of something that could have been later. Now he needs to pop a pill, cry a lot more, and go to sleep.
As he crumbles to his bed he forces the earworm out… only for a new one to work it’s way in.
He only has one thought.
What the fuck am I supposed to do without him?
David doesn’t hear the text come in.
Sleep has finally taken him.
*****
Sitting at the kitchen table at Rays, Patrick sips his Rye, lost in his own sorrow.
9pm
“What have I done?” he says to an empty room.
There are no sobs, no shuddering, no sniffles, just tears.
Why….., why could I not just be honest, maybe if I…. no, it's too late. I lied, he won’t forgive me, I should have told him the truth.
Finishing his Rye, Patrick heads to his room, head hung low and his thoughts made fuzzy by the lack of food and excess alcohol.
My whole life has been a lie, why would anyone ever trust me? I wasted 15 years with Rachel, lying to myself, leading her on, giving her hope when I knew it could never be, even if I didn’t know why.
As he enters his room he shuts the doors, leans back and slides down to the floor. His head falls, resting in his hands, he exhales a shaky breath.
12am
Finally dragging himself to bed, he climbs under the covers, missing the warmth of the man he may never have again.
David deserves better than me, Rachel deserves better than me. Maybe I should just leave, I have done so much damage here… I can’t go home, I can’t stay here, seeing David, hearing David, loving David, knowing I destroyed any future we had cause I am a coward.
Curled up in the fetal position staring at his favourite picture of David, he is ashamed, his soul is broken. How could he do this the only person he has ever loved?
2am
Sleep is evading Patrick, he gets up and moves to his desk, still staring at a picture of David on his phone.
Desperate to take action Patrick types a text, begging for forgiveness, but he can’t send it.
Wiping the tears from the screen, hours pass and he is frozen, afraid to make a move.
4am
Still sitting at his desk frozen in a state of despair and fear, he finally makes a choice. Patrick gets up and heads back to bed.
I must ..., will he…, I have to try.
Patrick hits send,clenches his eyes, buries his face in his pillow, sobbing until sleep comes.
His mind repeating with each sob:
I need him, I can’t go on without him.
Day 2
David wakes up, and for a brief moment, the BBQ didn’t happen. He looks forward to his day, and then reality hits him.
The pain sits just under the surface, pressure slowly building as he tries to force it back down.
He notices he has a message from Patrick and his protective wall falls apart.
Without reading the text, David decides to shower, the water will hide his tears.
*******
Patrick awakens, knowing this is the first day without David. The store is closed so there is no hope of seeing him there.
He feels so alone, he has no one to lean on, no one to talk to.
He checks his phone and his desperate text remains unread. It stays that way all day.
Day 3
It’s been 24 hours and this is the longest Daivd has not talked to Patrick in 4 months.
He has Stevie text Patrick.
David can’t bare to text him yet. He needs more time. Time to decide if he wants to fix this, or put it on the shelf of shitty things that happen to David Rose.
After she sends the text she hugs David and lets him know “Patrick says “OK whatever you need.””
Then, pulling back she holds David’s face in her hands, forcing him to make eye contact “don’t be an idiot, don’t push him away.”
He collapses into Stevie’s arms and holds on to her as if his life depends on it.
***
Patrick’s phone beeps and he clenches his eyes with a silent prayer that it is David.
Stevie :
David won’t be at work this week, he says you can do what you want.”
Patrick crumbles to the floor as he sees Stevie’s message.
Patrick spends the day alone, he doesn’t eat, he doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t open the store. He locks himself in his sad room, he has no one to turn to.
He is absolutely alone.
Day 4
David awakens to a knock on the door. He moans from under his cocoon of blankets.
Alexis answers the door with an “Oh My God David, ummm I think this is for you.”
****
Patrick feels dead inside.
It has been two days of radio silence.
He drags himself out of bed, showers and leaves for the store. On the way he decides, he has to do something to get David’s attention, to let him know he is not forgotten, to beg for forgiveness to try and get him to talk, text, hell even read a text from him. He stops at the local Florist/Gift shop and orders a bouquet of white Tulips, which represents forgiveness, as suggested by the florist as the perfect flower to be given as an apology. He also asked for one “ Black-Queen of the night tulip” (strength) and one Blue Tulip (trust) to be included. He fills out the note card and heads to the store.
***
Staring at the Bouquet, David is again brought to tears.
No one has ever…. .
Finally opening the card a simple message: “PLEASE read my text.”
David takes his phone and finally opens Patrick’s text.
Patrick:
David, I know you must hate me right now, and I don’t blame you. I just need you to know that I AM SORRY. Sorry for every time I didn't tell you when I should have. Sorry for all the pain and sorrow I have caused. Sorry for making you feel like you are not everything to me. Please let me in, let me have the chance to try and prove myself to you. Please I am begging you, don’t end us.
A single tear drops on the screen.
*****
Patrick arrives at the store after leaving the Florist and it feels busier than usual; maybe because it was closed the day before, maybe it’s because Patrick is there by himself, or maybe it's because every interaction with every customer reminds Patrick just how lonely he is without David.
Finally, there is a break in the day and Patrick checks his phone and he sees it, his heart leaps out of his chest, his eyes swell with tears. He stumbles to the door and switches the sign to closed.
DAVID READ MY TEXT!
Sitting with his back against the glass door, he smiles faintly for the first time since Rachel made her appearance at the BBQ.
While staring at his phone a text comes in, and he can’t control his emotions any more.
***
David has read and re-read the text over and over again- staring at the flowers, he is in disbelief.
No one has ever done anything like this. It’s all so new. What am I supposed to do?
He is still so hurt, so broken, used to not being wanted. He wants to text back, he misses Patrick but he is not ready, he doesn’t know if he will ever be ready. But…..
David sends a simple text back
***
David:
I don’t hate you
Patrick reads it over and over again. He never knew four words could give him such hope.
He wants to respond, but he doesn’t want to push.
Patrick:
Thank you David
There is nothing more for the rest of the day, but this small crack in the clouds has given him more than he ever thought not being hated could do for a person.
That night he orders David chocolates from his favorite Store in New York to be delivered by overnight express.
Maybe this will get him talking, maybe he will give me the chance to fix us.
Day 5
David, lay on his bed for the 4th day, he misses his boyfriend. It’s been hours since the “Thank you” text and nothing else. He kind of thought Patrick would be trying harder, but…. why would he?
He is damaged goods, nobody would want him.
Flowers are easy, the text was written when he was desperate. He is probably starting to realize I am not really worth it .
Stevie arrives and literally drags him out of bed by his feat. There is discussion about a spa and treatments, whatever, it’s better than staring at these same 4 ugly walls all day. David tells Stevie to give him an hour to get ready.
There is a knock at his door and there is a Fedex delivery person with a package for him.
David signs for the package and sees it’s from Jacque Torres , his favorite Chocolate shop from New York.
“WHAT THE FUCK?”
I only mentioned this place once to Patrick, that was months ago.
David opens the package and find a “You Complete Me Bonbon Box"*
A faint smile crosses his face. The pain hurts a little less, but he is still afraid.
Before Stevie gets back David showers and sends Patrick a quick note.
***
Patrick has been tracking the package and he knows its been delivered. He tries to be busy in the shop, he tries not to keep looking at his phone. It’s been just over an hour since the package was delivered and nothing from David.
Was it too much, did I push to hard?
Please don’t let me have screwed this up.
Just then his phone vibrates in his pocket.
David:
Leave it to you to find the one romantic line from a Sports movie
Then a second
David:
Thank you
And a third:
David:
Stevie is making me go to a spa in Elmwood
Patrick calls every spa in and around Elmwood until he finds the one with a reservation under Budd and orders them a bottle of wine.
Day 6
Arriving home from the Spa David knows he is ready to at least hear Patrick out. He is still hurt, but he knows that he misses Patrick, more than he thought possible. He gets out his phone to call Patrick….
…...then David notices a package on his bed addressed to him. It’s small and beautifully wrapped. David, with a full face smile, slowly unwraps it to find the bracelet he has been eyeing for months.
***
It’s Friday, It’s been almost a week without David in his life, a handful of texts is not enough to sustain him. He misses him so much, Flowers got one text, Chocolates got a few more, now wine and the bracelet, maybe he can get Daivd to actually talk.
Day 7
It’s Saturday, it’s been a week, Patrick is unlocking the door to the Apothecary when he sees David for the first time walking into the cafe. It takes everything he has not to call to him, not to run over to him and grab on and never let go.
But he hasn’t heard anything from David since the chocolates, he knows he got the wine and the bracelet, but radio silence.
He knows he pushed too hard, he knows he didn’t give him space.
He fucked this up.
An hour or so later, Patrick hears the door chime and he sees him, he has always seen him, he sees all of David for everything he is.