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He set me down very gently on top of the blankets and I reached up pulling his face back to mine. His eyes were such an intense silvery grey. I feel as if I could gaze into them forever and be content. He rested his forehead for a moment on mine and his long red hair fell around us both mixing with my hair.
We rested and took comfort in each other’s presence. Words aren’t always needed. I slid my fingers in between his on the left hand and grabbed above where his other hand had been cut off. He was more scarred then me, but still stronger. He didn’t think so, but I am certain of it.
He moved away and started kissing down my neck. I shivered, not from the cold, and let go of his hand to tangle it in his hair. I yelped and giggled when he brushed his teeth against my skin and gave a little nip. I felt him smile against my skin at my reaction. I tugged gently at his hair wanting to kiss him again, but he ignored me and kissed lower down my neck and began trying to untie the laces on the front of my dress with his good hand. He was strangely effective with one hand. I surely would not have been and I did not want to try and help him. He would have been upset to think that I thought he needed assistance.
He finished unlacing it in a short time and I shifted up to let him pull it off easier. I blushed shyly when I caught his gaze and looked down. I felt him lean forward over and kiss my cheek.
“You’re still so shy with me” he didn’t sound upset in the least and trailed another series of kisses down my neck. I pushed up slightly.
“You’re still dressed” I accused trying not to smile at his playfulness. He was very rarely playful and gave off a very stern and serious image to the others in Himring.
“Something you will have to remedy, my lady” he whispered, his warm breath tickling my ear. I sat up pulling a blanket around me and reached to start unfastening his clothes. I tried not stare at him when he tossed his clothes to floor after I finished untying them. It’s not like I’d never seen him shirtless before, but it was never like this. I really needed a fan right now. I slowly reached out a hand and rested it on his chest marveling at his physique.
“You will stare at me like that, yet deny me the same by wearing a blanket” He laughed tugging at the blanket softly without pulling it off.
“It’s not the same” I said insistently pushing against his chest “I was once human and we are more affected by the cold. Himring has artic air” Not really why I was wearing a blanket, but I don’t need him to tease me mercilessly about being shy the first time we are together. I also didn’t want him to know how frightened I was.
“I will keep you warm in the long night” He pulled me to him, still wrapped in the blanket I had awkwardly pulled around myself, and rested his chin on my head as I fell into his embrace. I sniffed trying not to tear up. His tightened his arms.
“What is wrong?” He asked sounding upset.
“Nothing” I whispered “I’m just happy”. I moved my head from under him and turned. I blinked up at him tilting my face. He obliged leaning down and kissing me gently.
I pushed back harder and he followed me in equal fervent measure until I shifted up on my knees and the blanket fell away forgotten. He took the lead then as we embraced passionately and pushed me back on his bed, our bed now, until he was over me. He trailed kisses over my body and I felt my breathing quicken and my hands clenched the blankets as I tried not to move.
When he kissed down my stomach and below my belly button I was suddenly shoved into awful memory. I jerked away in confusion as my memories took control of my mind. This wasn’t the first time was it? How could I have forgotten such awful things done to me in Angband. Red eyes and black hair biting violently into my neck in some sick mimicry of passion and love. I was too broken by then to fight back and just cried out in pain. With sickening horror and I could feel the overly got fingers trailing up thigh and shoving my legs apart.
With a gasp I came back to the present. It like being woke from a long slumber that leaves you dazed and confused with reality. .I was being shaken and hearing my voice chanted over and over again in panic. I reach a shaky arm out and felt fingers slide into mine.
“i..I..” I tried to choke out an explanation, but couldn’t. His silvery grey eyes met mine and I felt a crushing weight in my soul at the sadness emanating from them. A stronger sadness and grief then my fear. He shushed me quietly and I let the tears fall unbidden.
“In Angband” I started.
“You don’t have to explain” He said sounding more forlorn then I ever heard. It hurt my heart to know I caused this grief.
“I know that elves can only once and I was afraid you wouldn’t want me if you knew” I started crying again feeling horrible. I had deceived him in a way.
“You really believe I would have forsaken you over something not in your control” He sounded hurt and grievously so.
“Don’t hate me” I sobbed trying to furiously wipe away my tears with my free hand.
“I could never hate you.” He whispered gently holding me tighter. It was supposed to be such a happy night. Officially together forever. I ruined it with my fear and with my deception. What if we really couldn’t bond how elves are supposed to because of what happened. What if we can’t because I was human.
“Our bond would never have been an ordinary one. I accepted that long ago. Fear not what is. You are blameless” He tilted my face up forcing me to look at him. I searched his gaze feeling hope ignite in me. His gaze spoke sincerity and he leaned forward beginning to kiss away my tears.
“We need not go further tonight. I already chose you and I would never change my choice. We can take as much time healing as you need” He rubbed soothing circles over my hand with his thumb.
“No” I said shakily “I want to tonight. I want to start a new life with you and I will not let them continue to win against me”. I released his hand and shook of his handless arm that was around me. With a surge of boldness that surprised even me, he let me push him down under me and kiss him.
I rested my elbows on either side and pulled away breathing hard. I could still see deep pain in his eyes, but it was much dimmer allowing other feelings to start surfacing. The Noldor think they are so good at being emotionless and above everyone else, but I’ve never seen any other races let emotions shine through so obviously. For them, eyes really are the windows to the soul. They just don’t open them very often.
“Would you?” I asked resting my head on his chest. With his good hand he ran it through my now fairly tangled hair gently before smoothly flipping our positions. He is so tall and large. I really feel small next to him, but I also feel protected.
I tried to forgot, but it was hard and I felt tears surfacing. I turned my head and blinked at the firelight in the hearth.
“I can’t when you cry. It hurts my heart too much for me to feel any kind of sexual energy. When you cry I just want to hold you and kiss away the tears” He sighed running his good hand through his hair and letting his stump rest across my thigh.
“Then don’t look at my face. Please, I want this.” I urged turning to look at him. He looked frustrated, upset, and expectant all at the same time. “Please” I needed him to understand that I wanted to move forward. He made a frustrated noise in the back of throat looking at my tear stained face. “Kiss me again” I demanded plaintively. I would make him forget the sadness and fear that took control of me for a moment. He narrowed his eyes at me. He really abhors being told what to do. I blame his father.
After a moment of suspenseful indecision he pulled up with his good hand and then put both arms around me tightly pinning me to his body with my legs resting behind me. I could feel the warmth emanating off of his body making a startling contrast to slightly cool air across my back. I was hyper aware of how tightly he held me and how my chest was pushed against his. I tilted my head back again and his lips fell across mine warmly.
I let one of my hands grip his shoulder and the other reached up to tangle in his hair and to hold him closer to me. I opened my mouth allowing our tongues to meet and groaned in his mouth when I felt his tongue slide against mine. I shifted up still kissing him deeply and managed to wrap my legs around his body. I could feel him hardening slightly under my body and smiled against his mouth all sadness forgotten. We stayed twined together and lost ourselves to another in the long night.