Chapter Text
Lexi drags the flat iron through Rue’s hair one last time before setting it down on the dresser.
“All done?” Rue asks, peering at herself in the mirror.
“All done.” She says, releasing the final, dark strand. Lexi isn’t too sure if she likes the finished product, but it isn’t her hair, so she shuts up and stays quiet as she packs the rest of the hair supplies away.
Eventually, Lexi looks up to inspect her work. Something about the change in Rue’s appearance leaves a bad taste in her mouth. She figures that it’s not actually the hair that makes her feel uneasy, because she’s seen Rue with straight hair a handful of times - at high school graduation, that one play, and a dinner party - and been unaffected by it. It must be everything else. The way Rue looks at her reflection uncertainly, her fingers twisting in odd, anxious patterns in front of her, is deeply unsettling.
Sure, Rue has always carried around a ball of anxiety with her wherever she goes, but college has calmed her down somewhat. There’s less to worry about here. No Nate Jacobs breathing down her neck, no angry drug dealers or social workers on her front porch. Rue is relatively mellow most of the time, except for the panic attacks that are a lot less frequent now.
Lexi blames their hometown. Going back for the holidays feels like willingly stepping into a hurricane, even for Lexi. Nothing was ever truly good there. It doesn’t help that almost everyone they knew in high school is returning for Thanksgiving break as well. Knowing that they’re going to see both the town and its old faces must make Rue want to enter a downward spiral.
Noticing the tense position of Rue’s shoulders, Lexi reaches out and rests her hand on one of them. Her thumb brushes against the side of Rue’s neck and she jumps as if she had forgotten Lexi’s presence completely.
“Do you think she’ll like it?” Rue asks, curling a strand around her finger a little self-consciously. Lexi goes rigid with jealousy. She guesses that Rue probably means her mom, but Rue refuses to make eye contact in the mirror and her cheeks are suddenly so bright that Lexi guesses Rue is still fishing for Jules’ approval. “The last time I saw her I… I had it like this.”
Lexi’s grip tightens without her realizing it. It’s been so long that she can’t remember whether or not Rue’s hair was straight when she last saw Jules. Lexi hadn’t jotted it down or anything because it seemed like an unimportant detail at the time, but now it feels as if it means the world.
“Yeah. I think she’ll like it.” Lexi removes her hold on Rue’s shoulder, discreetly shakes her hand out and wipes her sweaty palm on her thigh.
She has no right to jealousy and she’s known that for awhile. If she wanted to be with Rue she should have done it years ago, should have confessed as soon as they kissed that she was more excited about practicing for the dance than actually going to it.
Lexi crawls onto her bed and pulls herself into a ball. It’s not particularly comfortable, but she doesn’t want to turn her back to Rue and the rest of the bed is covered in their bags. Rue’s bed, on the other side of the room, is clear for once. The only thing on it is her drool-stained pillow, which Lexi refuses to touch.
“When’s the flight again?” Rue spins in her chair to face Lexi.
Despite this being the third time she’s asked, Lexi leans over and tugs their tickets out of a compartment on her bag and checks again.
“Seven.” Lexi replies. “We have an hour.”
“Okay.” Rue rises from the chair and immediately walks to one side of the room, only to sigh and start her trudge to the other.
Lexi observes the pacing silently. She watches Rue’s lips twitch and her hands fiddle as she goes, and wonders what Rue is going to say next.
“I wonder what everyone else has been doing for the last two years.” Rue blurts out finally. She’s like a fly trapped in a bottle, zooming from one spot to the next in the blink of an eye. Before Lexi knows it, Rue is standing near the nightstand with her phone in her hands. “I’m just going to check Instagram.”
“Rue, no.” Lexi gets up.
Their rule is simple: Rue isn’t allowed to follow Jules on social media, so no stalking will ensue.
Lexi tries to grab the phone, but Rue holds it away from her with her annoyingly long arms. Lexi gets a look at the screen though and sees Jules’ profile already brought up. This only makes Lexi fight harder to get the device, and once she does she flops onto the bed and immediately tries to escape.
Rue is surprisingly quick these days. She gets on top of Lexi and has her pinned at the hips in a matter of seconds. Rue snatched the phone back.
“I’m just taking a peek.” She says innocently.
“Liar.” Lexi huffs, too breathless to form a better response. She recovers quickly from the brief bit of exercise, but recovering from the feeling of Rue is much harder.
Her body goes slack under Rue’s and then tenses when Rue shifts a little, her hips grinding down in one completely unintentional motion. Lexi’s breath catches in her throat and her heartbeat - the world’s worst traitor - speeds up. Sometimes she thinks that just being near Rue will kill her, but this is so much worse. Feeling the full weight of her makes warmth spread throughout her body, electric shocks running up her arms even as she tries to fight them.
Once she manages to calm down enough, Lexi looks up at Rue’s face. It’s not anxious anymore. There’s an obvious frown, like someone has just slapped her.
Lexi gently pushes Rue off of her, complaining half-heartedly. “You’re so heavy.”
Rue gets up without protesting, eyes glued to her phone. Lexi fears the worst.
“What’s up?” She asks nervously.
In response, Rue tosses the phone towards Lexi. She catches it and looks at the post Rue had clicked on. It’s of Jules, splayed out on the beach and looking admittedly fantastic in a little purple bikini. The bad part about the photo is the man wrapped her. He’s big and bulky, ruggedly handsome in the way that turns Lexi off but fits nicely with Jules. His lips are at her cheek while Jules smiles at the camera, her hand in the air to proudly show the engagement ring on it.
Lexi looks up, suddenly understanding Rue’s predicament.
“Great. This is just great.” Rue isn’t pacing anymore, but Lexi suddenly wishes she was. Instead, Rue is standing there and buzzing in place, unable to keep herself still. “I haven’t dated anyone in years.”
It would be easier to calm Rue down if this wasn’t true. Rue has been pretty busy and almost every girl she’s tried to date has taken one look at her friendship with Lexi (how Lexi is so obviously pining and how Rue puts Lexi first when it comes to any random girl) and fled. The result is a bunch of hook-ups, but nothing that lasts very long.
“How am I supposed to get a girlfriend in an hour?” Rue asks, mostly to herself.
Lexi picks at a loose string on her sleeve while she thinks, until she feels Rue’s eyes on her again and realizes that she’s being stared at.
“What?” She questions very slowly, not liking the intense way Rue is looking at her. “Why are you staring at me like that?”
“It all makes sense now. We live together, we’ve been off at college - no one knows what we’ve been doing. You’re gay, I’m gay.” Rue gestures between them rapidly, already forming some kind of plan that Lexi isn’t sure she likes. “We can just say we’re dating. It’s genius. I’m a genius - a total motherfucking genius.”
Lexi blinks at her.
“...No.”
“No?” Rue asks, confused.
Lexi doesn’t want to say that she doesn’t trust herself to be so close to Rue and still keep her composure. Sure, they live together and sometimes after a party they’ll end up sharing the same bed, but just to cuddle. Fake dating implies kissing and constant hand-holding. It means Lexi will have to stand there and look on as Rue pines after Jules, all while staying quiet and plastering a smile on her face.
That sounds like torture, and going back for the break is already bad enough.
“Why not?” Rue joins her on the bed again, sitting close enough with such a sad look on her face that Lexi has to glance away.
“I don’t know.” She lies. “It would be… weird.”
Rue clasps her hands over Lexi’s and tugs gently so Lexi will look her in the eye. Lexi nearly caves right then and there, seeing the little pout on Rue’s lips and the softness of her eyes. She’s so whipped.
Rue tilts her head, sticking her bottom lip out further in a shameless attempt to persuade Lexi. “Come on, Lex. Please?”
When Rue leans over and presses her lips to Lexi’s cheek at the airport, Lexi’s heart nearly jumps right out of her chest.
“What are you doing?” She asks. Her skin feels warm and fuzzy where Rue’s lips touched. Lexi has to fight the urge to dramatically wipe the little kiss away, not liking how that feeling lingers and then spreads down to her jaw. She’s pathetic, honestly.
To make matters worse, Rue goes ahead and grabs Lexi’s hand without warning. Lexi looks around to see if anyone they know is also waiting to board the plane. It’s not uncommon for Rue to grab her hand every once in awhile, but the cheek kissing is rare.
“I thought we should practice being a couple.” Rue explains and hesitates for a second before curling up next to Lexi, stretching her long legs across Lexi’s lap. “We have to get some things straight before we get there - no pun intended.”
Lexi rolls her eyes at Rue’s gay joke - she’s in love with an idiot.
“Okay, like what?”
“Like how we started dating, who asked who out, how long we’ve been in a relationship.” Rue explains.
Lexi absentmindedly rubs circles along Rue’s lower thigh while she thinks it over. It’s weird, she’s imagined finally dating Rue for years, but now her mind is blanking. She always imagined kissing in the rain or showing up at the door with a thousand red roses, but all of that seems too embarrassing to voice at this point.
“Well, I think I’d ask you out. You’re a bit of an emotional bottom.” Lexi decides finally, adding the last part mostly just to irritate Rue.
Rue frowns. “I’m not a bottom at all.”
“We could say we went out on Valentine's Day and have been dating since then.” Lexi continues, ignoring Rue’s comment. “That’s both realistic and romantic.”
“Okay. That works.” She agrees.
Lexi expects Rue to move away at some point - discussion and practice over - but she stays there, snug as ever. It’s almost unfair how cute Rue looks in her baggy sweats. Maybe Lexi is just weak for all of Rue’s attire, but her body feels light and her heart warm from the sight of Rue as she shuts her eyes and lulls into what is going to have to be a short nap.
The plane is boarding soon, but Lexi doesn’t have the heart to mention it to Rue. She’ll say something when they actually have to get up, but for now she stays silent and holds Rue tighter.
“Night, babe.” Rue mumbles teasingly, even though it’s early in the morning. Lexi has to stop herself from squirming at the pet name.
“Night.” She replies, equally as quiet.
What has she gotten herself into?
The flight is uneventful. Rue puts her seat back as far as it will go and covers herself with a blanket in the first five minutes, and then proves, once again, that she can fall asleep seemingly anywhere. Lexi, on the other hand, doesn’t get any sleep at all. She’s too nervous about this last minute plan to relax. Even if she were able to calm down, the plane is still too uncomfortable for her to fall asleep in. She ends up renting a cheap horror movie and watching it on replay, letting the blood and violence distract her from her life.
Rue wakes up near the end of the flight when a stewardess comes along to tell her to set her chair upright. She complies and then stretches, yawning in a way that Lexi could only describe as kitten-like. It’s incredibly cute and Lexi finds herself staring, absolutely enamored with Rue as she blinks herself awake.
“Hi.” Rue says softly. She squints, letting her eyes adjust to the light.
“Hey.” Lexi responds, causing Rue to grin once she realizes where she is.
It takes a minute for them to land and then some more time for it to finally be their turn to leave the plane, but they get out without a fuss. Rue’s smile has dropped by the time they’re in the airport and her hold on Lexi’s hand (for practice, Rue had told her again, reminding Lexi of when they kissed that one time with the same intention) is more of a deathgrip than a sign of love.
Lexi can practically feel Rue’s anxiety coming off of her in strong waves. That may be because every couple minutes Rue will squeeze a little tighter than before, shoulders tense as they walk to baggage claim.
“It’s gonna be fine.” Lexi reassures her. It feels like the right thing to say, but also sounds very dumb coming from her.
She thinks that she could be panicking more than Rue, just less obviously. Rue wears her distress on her sleeve while Lexi keeps hers locked up until it explodes out of her. She’s less like a volcano and more like an empty plastic bottle that has to be twisted and twisted until eventually the cap pops off and flies through the air.
Even though they’re both anxious dumbasses, they still hold each other’s sweaty hands all the way to baggage claim, until they see the bags aren’t coming yet and Rue says she wants coffee. They end up in the line for Starbucks because there’s nowhere else to go. Lexi is looking through her wallet for cash while Rue bounces up and down silently, looking as if she had already inhaled every bit of caffeine in the place.
“Rue.” Lexi says, sliding her wallet back into her purse and sticking the twenty dollar bill in the corner of her mouth as she adjusts her clothes (unsanitary, she knows, but she can wash her mouth later). “Try to breathe, okay? You’re practically vibrating.”
“I’m just a little nervous.” Rue brushes her off, but reaches over and grabs Lexi’s hand again as they move up in the line.
It’s less tight of a hold this time, less forced. Rue is holding her hand just because she wants to, not because someone from their old school might show up and stumble upon them. It’s totally platonic, but Lexi’s body burns with undeserved satisfaction anyways.
“Can I have a tall black coffee, please?” Lexi asks, once they’re at the counter. She glances over at Rue and decides to order for her, knowing how tongue-tied Rue gets around strangers. “And a vanilla frappuccino for this one, extra whip cream.”
Lexi nudges Rue’s arm and smiles fondly at her. She can’t help it. Rue has had the same Starbucks order since forever. It’s always just sugar on top of sugar.
Rue nods at her gratefully. Social anxiety is a bitch.
The lady behind the register looks at them for a moment. Her eyes slide from Lexi’s dopey smile to Rue’s little blush and then down to their joined hands before coming back to make eye contact.
“You two are cute.” She says simply, before stepping away to go make their drinks.
“See?” Lexi whispers once no one else can hear them. “Things are going to be fine. We totally pass as a couple.”
“Oh yeah, Ross and Rachel are shaking in their boots.” Rue replies. Lexi knows that Rue is mostly joking, but she beams at her anyways. The thought of Rue agreeing that they’d make a cute couple has Lexi on Cloud 9.
After they get their drinks, they start to walk back to baggage claim. Lexi drinks her normal coffee and Rue somehow sucks down a shit ton of sugar without getting a single cavity.
“How do you stomach that?” Rue asks, gesturing towards Lexi’s plain beverage.
“How do you stomach that?” Lexi returns, doing the same.
In response, Rue holds out her cup to Lexi. Lexi swore off of sugary drinks like that a while ago because they make her stomach hurt, but it’s Rue who’s offering (Rue, who holds it out with a gentle smile and eyes so cheery that they might belong to a child) so she accepts. She’s weak, and she knows that she’s going to have stomach problems later, but Rue’s pleased smile is worth it.
“Like that?” Rue asks.
Surprisingly, she does. Not that she’s going to tell Rue that.
Lexi shrugs. “It’s okay.”
Rue rolls her eyes and playfully bumps her shoulder into Lexi’s. It’s a nice moment between them. Call it the calm before the storm.
Rue’s mom arrives a bit late, just after Rue and Lexi have gotten all of their bags. Ms. Bennett looks at their hands almost immediately, not being able to wipe the slight confusion off of her face while approaching them. Both Rue and Lexi tense up, knowing that they can let go and forget the plan right here and now. They don’t have to do this - Rue doesn’t have to lie.
Neither of them back off, though. In fact, Rue grips Lexi’s hand tighter, takes a deep breath, and forces her body into a relaxed position.
Lexi tries to look as casual as possible. “Well, it’s now or never.