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It was all too much. Just yesterday Richie’s life was great. He had a somewhat successful comedy career and even though he had never really had a girlfriend- despite what he claimed in his shows- he was sure that one day ‘the one’ would come into his life.
But now he was in his childhood hometown having a sexuality crisis and remembering things he'd much rather forget
It was still all hazy, all the moments from his childhood but the feelings associated with the memories were as clear and present as they were 27 years ago.
Love. That feeling was the most prominent of them all. A warm and platonic love for all his friends, for the losers club, and a burning, romantic love for someone whose face was nothing but a blur in his mind, like he was looking at them with his glasses off. Except, someone's body wasn't like their face, it wasn't blurry, and it was quite obvious that the person Richie held all this love for was a boy.
Was he gay? Richie couldn’t remember and it was killing him. Not once since he had left Derry had he questioned his sexuality, he believed he was straight, that he was normal. He had dated women, had even had sex with women and everything was normal. Sure, he had never really loved a woman but he had assumed it was because they just hadn't been ‘the one’.
But now, now that he was remembering, it all fell into place.
Richie Tozier was gay and he wasn't sure how to feel about it. His stomach turned and twisted into knots making him feel like he was going to vomit for the second time in recent memory.
A fast rapping on the door of Richie’s room broke him out of his melancholy thoughts.
“Richie, open up, it's me.” Eddie’s voice came through the wood and Richie stood up from where he was sat on his bed. He opened the door to see one of his best friends standing just outside, a fist raised in the air. slowly, Eddie lowered his hand. “I have to talk to you.” The smaller man pushed past Richie and into the room before the other could even invite him in.
“About what, eds?” Richie questioned as he closed the door. He turned to look at his friend, a smile on his face that didn't quite reach his tired and dull eyes.
Eddie had situated himself right where Richie had been a few moments ago, his legs pressed against one another and his hands nervously pulling on the denim of his jeans.
“I remembered something.” Eddie said quickly, eyes trained on the ground as he spoke. “Something about myself.”
“I think we're all remembering stuff about ourselves, eds.” Richie moved himself to stand next to his friend but Eddie still didn't look up as he approached. Instead of saying anything else, Richie put his hand on the others shoulder and squeezed. A shiver reverberated throughout Eddie’s body and the two sat there in an almost suffocating silence.
Eddie anxiously wrung his hands together before speaking up again. “I think I was in love with you.” and finally, he looked up at Richie, their eyes meeting. “I think I still am.”
Never before, to his current knowledge, had Richie heard Eddie sound so soft and so scared. His heart hammered in his chest as the confession of love brought back memories long forgotten. All their time together, all the jokes, all the touches, and suddenly the boy with the blurry face that Richie felt nothing but love for, had a face and it was the face of Eddie Kaspbrak.
Richie's heart was beating so fast he feared it would burst through his chest and tears formed in his eyes as he realised that he was, and had always been, in love with Eddie.
A limp hand fell from Eddie’s shoulder and fell to Richie’s side as he stood there in a stunned silence. Hundreds of thoughts raced through his head as he tried to figure out how to tell the other he felt the same.
‘Me too’? No, too impersonal. ‘I think I’m in love with you as well and I think I always have been and that's why ever since I left Derry I have felt incomplete and empty’? No, way too emotional.
“I-“ Richie started
“Rich-“ Eddie started as well, accidentally interrupting the other.
They both quickly snapped their mouths shut to let the other talk but neither of them started again, wanting to wait for the other. They stared at each other for what felt like hours but in truth it was just over a minute. Suddenly Richie doubled over laughing, slapping his hand against his knee as he struggled to breathe through his loud laughter.
Eddie looked at his friend for a moment before joining in, smiling fondly as he laughed.
When Richie was able to stop laughing and catch his breath, he looked up from his hunched over position to see that he was face to face with Eddie, their faces only inches away from the others. Eddie left out a soft huff that blew against Richie’s lips as he also realised the position they were in.
“I think I’m in love with you too.” Richie whispered.
“I know.” Eddie smiled.
“Is this the part where we kiss?” The question was soft, barely even a whisper, but Eddie heard it.
“I think so.”
Richie smiled and leaned in, his lips brushing gently against Eddie’s. Their first kiss was brief and chaste, like they were two nervous teenagers and not two forty year old men. The moment only lasted a few seconds before Richie began to pull away but Eddie wasn't having it. He threaded his hands through the taller man's hair and pulled him back into the kiss.
This one was warm and passionate, the kiss of a man who has waited 27 years for this and wasn't going to wait a second longer.
At first Richie was surprised by this boldness but he quickly melted into the kiss, his own hands going to rest on Eddie’s shoulders. As the kiss went on, Eddie started to slowly lean back, pulling Richie with him till he was laying in the bed with the other man on top of him.
To keep himself balanced, Richie put both his hands either side of Eddie's head and kneeled one knee on the bed, not once breaking the kiss. The two only broke apart when their lungs began to burn from a lack of air.
As Richie moved his head back, he was floored by just how beautiful Eddie looked. His hair messed up, his cheeks flushed a delicate pink, his lips red and wet from spit. Richie could only stare, mouth opened in a small ‘o’ shape.
Eddie laughed at the sight.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that for.” The smaller man confessed before bringing his head up to give Richie a small peck on the lips. Richie smiled.
“I'd say around 27 years?” he joked.
“Sounds about right.”
Eddie giggled and Richie's heart fluttered at how cute it sounded. The adorable sound stopped all of a sudden and a dark, serious look over came Eddie’s features.
“Fuck me.” He demanded, voice low and eyes full of a dark lust.
“Wha-” Richie was extremely confused by this sudden change in tone from the man beneath him but he had no time to question or protest as Eddie grabbed a handful of his shirt collar.
“I said, fuck me, gay boy.” Anything else that would have come out of Richie’s mouth was swallowed as Eddie pulled him in for another kiss, one full of clashing tongues and spit swapping.
Richie moaned softly into the kiss and let himself be pulled down, flush against the other. Eddie moved his hand from Richie’s shirt collar to his jacket, pulling it off and throwing it somewhere blindly. Eddie’s hands found their way to the hem of the, quite frankly ugly but on brand, shirt Richie was wearing and pushed it up, allowing his hands explore the newly exposed skin.
Another moan from Richie got swallowed up in the kiss but the moan turned to a groan of annoyance as a knocking came from the door. Really? He had to be cockblocked now of all times?
He groaned again as he pulled back, a string of saliva connecting the twos lips for a moment until it broke, landing back on Eddie’s lips. Eddie whined from underneath Richie as the taller man got up, and Richie shot him an apologetic look. Richie straighten up his shirt and glasses as he made his way across the room.
“Hey Rich, you in there?”
Richie stopped dead in his tracks, a pang of fear piercing his heart, as the voice of none other than Eddie Kaspbrak came through the thick wood. In the span of a few seconds many emotions appeared on his face. Confusion, hurt, fear, anger, sadness. Another knock and Richie felt his world collapsing around him.
Slowly, he turned on the spot to look back at his bed and all his worst fears became confirmed as instead of seeing the love of his life laying there, there was the monster that had tormented him and his friends one summer so long ago.
His eyes widened behind his glasses as Pennywise sat up, a grotesquely large grin spread upon It’s makeup-covered face. Said makeup was smeared around It’s mouth, as if It had been…
Richie was going to be sick.
A shaky hand raised up to his mouth and two fingers ran over his lips only to come away smeared in a mixture of white and red paint.
Richie screamed as Pennywise howled with laughter. He turned around and ran out of the room, running straight into Eddie, the real Eddie, in his panicked getaway.
“Whoa dude! Are you okay?”
Eddie sounded so real, so concerned, but after what had just happened, he just couldn't, he couldn't do it. Richie pushed past the other and booked it down the stairs, out the entrance and into the cool morning air of Derry.
Richie leaned over, hands against his knees, and took several large, greedy gulps of fresh air to help calm himself down. Once his heart had stopped racing and he was sure he wasn't going to vomit, Richie stood up straight again, whispering to himself as he replayed the horrifying events that had just taken place in his head.
“What the fuck?”