Chapter Text
She’s probably somebody’s only light, gonna shine tonight
Yeah, she's probably somebody's baby, all right.
Barry's POV
The Magical Studies lecture hall of the esteemed Neverwinter University was fairly quiet, with only a few murmured conversations here and there as Barry walked in. Light was only just beginning to trickle in through the windows. It was looking as though it would continue to be a dark and cold start to the spring semester. The irony of the snow falling outside and the chill in the air did not escape him. As it turned out, college students weren't particularly keen on braving the frigid temperatures; the only place quieter than the lecture hall right now was the campus on this first day of classes of the new year.
Barry was glad for the quiet. An 8 am class was far too early for him to have to deal with any auditory processing beyond what the professor would provide in roughly ten minutes, when class began. Even when the noise inevitably picked up as more students trickled in, Barry was comforted in knowing that at least nobody would try to engage him in conversation.
The other seniors, who Barry had been in classes with for the last three years and who were now taking Advanced Necromancy Techniques with him, all knew by now that Barry was not a morning person. They were content to let him be as he made his way to his usual seat; front row, off to the right-hand side (closest to the door), so as to be engaged but to avoid drawing attention to himself. The proximity of the door provided the opportunity for a quick escape, not that he'd ever needed it before. He sat down in his usual chair, yawning and leaning down under the table to pull out his text books from his backpack that he’d tucked out of the way.
It was in this unfortunate position he found himself in when a loud presence entered the room, announced by a voice unfamiliar to him. He jumped immediately at the change in noise level from nearly silent to something akin to a TV being turned on in the middle of the night (but having been turned off with the volume cranked to max), banging his head on the solid wooden table at the involuntary motion. It took him until the initial sharp pain had subsided for him to make sense of the loudness. It had been a woman’s voice that he’d heard, and she had been asking the room if she was in the right place for ‘the necromancy and dead shit studies’ class… and she’d asked it at what he could only guess was her full volume.
Wincing, he rubbed the back of his head and angled himself to avoid another injury as he came out from underneath the table. As he sat up, he prepared himself to glare at the owner of the offending voice; the most he would ever do to express displeasure at a stranger. Barry was not a man of conflict; he was a man of science. He briefly wondered if he should intensify the glare further, and turn it into a scowl as he began to glance over in the direction from which he’d heard the voice originate.
That plan went to shit the moment Barry laid eyes on her. There was no doubt in his mind that she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his entire life.
The elf woman who’d just come through the door was absolutely radiant; it seemed to Barry like the sunshine of summer had come early, there was such a warmth about her. He thought it might have been her smile - he had never seen a smile like hers, so big and welcoming and… completely and totally genuine. That was what he saw first, her smile, and that was probably enough to do him in, but there was so much more of her to take in. Her golden blonde hair that was teased up and out so much that it seemed even bigger than her voice was obviously something that attracted the gaze. It framed her face in a flattering way, and drew attention to her eyes. Even with the amount of makeup she was wearing on them, he could easily see her honey-colored eyes, bright and energized in spite of the early hour. The shades of gold and copper in her eye makeup only served to highlight them more, and the metallic golden sparkle that glimmered in her intensely red lipstick tied the entire look together.
He was so caught off-guard by her presence that he hadn’t realized that she’d cleared the distance between them and had been talking to him.
“I - uhhhh - I’m sorry?” he stammered nervously when he finally realized she was watching him, an amused expression on her face. He'd made an idiot of himself and he'd not even spoken yet. Naturally.
She laughed, and it held the same warmth as her entire presence. “I asked if this was the advanced necromancy class. Nobody in here seemed awake enough to respond to my joke when I walked in, but I legitimately need to know and you’re the closest to the door,” she said, her eyes looking like they were smiling at him too.
He blushed, glancing away. Her gaze on him was too much. “It-it is. But it’s uhhh, it’s an upper-level class, uhh…” He’d never seen her before. Surely she was a freshman, and she couldn’t be in here with him…
“Yeah, I know. I’m basically a prodigy.” He looked back at her, and her eyebrow was raised now as she grinned at him. “You mind if I sit with you?”
"Uhh, yeah..."
"You do mind?"
"N-no! Go ahead!!!" He shook his head frantically and gestured dumbly to the empty chair beside him, convinced that if he tried to say anything he would look like even more of a fool. His face felt like it was on fire.
“Thanks.” She moved behind him, and some part of her brushed up against his hair. Internally, he began to panic as he thought about what area of her it could have been and he realized based on her height and the density what it had to have been. The thought of any part of her pressed up against him was bordering on enough to send him into a panic attack at this point.
“Damn, it’s really hot in here,” she sighed as she sat down next to him, starting to take off her coat. “You look like you’re overheating too. Do they always put the heat on 1000 degrees?”
Barry swallowed thickly, steeling his nerves to answer. “Uhh… only in the winter. It’s… it’s quite cold in the summer.”
“Naturally.” It sounded like she’d probably rolled her eyes based on her tone of voice, but Barry couldn’t bring himself to look at her again to tell. He couldn't even look up at her as she spoke to him again. “So what’s your name?”
“…Barry. Barry Hallwinter.”
“Short for Barold, I presume?”
He looked up at her at that, mostly out of confusion. “It’s, uhh, actually short for Bart-“
“My name’s Lup. And you’re ditching that ‘Hallwinter’ crap from here on out, that’s too stuffy. From now on, you’re….” she looked him up and down, pondering. He was much too shocked to object, and it was only a few seconds later that her eyes widened, and he could tell she’d thought of something. “Bluejeans! It’s perfect, I’ve never seen that much damn denim in my life on another person before. Your name is Barry Bluejeans as of right now.”
That was the precise moment that Barry’s life was forever changed. It was at that instant that her name and face were forever etched into his brain, and Barry knew. He knew then, when her name left her lips and he looked into her sparkling eyes that this wouldn’t turn out well for him and that things were never going to be the same for him again. He’d made it so far without having to fiddle with juvenile crushes or pining or anything to distract him from his studies, but here she was. Here was Lup, in front of him, smiling at him, as he began his final semester of his undergraduate degree, and Barry knew then that he was so, so screwed. He also knew - was painfully aware, even - he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
That was how Barry Bluejeans (formerly Hallwinter) met Lup Taaco.
* * *
“Koko, Barold, I’m bored,” Lup sighed from where she hung upside down off the side of her bed.
Barry had known Lup for just under 2 months now, and she’d turned his world upside down. He really hadn’t made time for friends in his 3 and a half years of study for his necromancy degree, and he hadn’t intended to this last semester... but Lup wasn’t someone that it was easy to say no to. She had firmly placed herself in his life and heart and it had never felt like his choice. Not that he’d minded too terribly. His life was better with her in it, even if he wanted her in it as more than a friend.
That would never happen. Barry was a smart man, and he knew... Lup – beautiful, intelligent, passionate Lup – was so far out of his league it was stupid to even think that maybe one day she would look at him as more than her nerd friend with an affinity for blue jeans.
It didn’t help that his life was a mere blink compared to hers. At 107, Lup and Taako had hundreds of years to spend however they wanted. They could afford to waste time.
Barry was 22, and with his family’s medical history, he figured he’d be lucky to see 70. Fifty years, his entire remaining lifespan, was the equivalent of a summer fling for elves.
Taako snorted from where he sat next to her. “Last time you said that, you went back to school to get a 3rd degree. Uhhh, what was it in? First time was evocation, second time was physics, now it’s necromancy?” he teased, smirking.
Of all the things that Barry had expected when Lup had come into his life, her having an identical twin brother that was just as loud and exciting was not one of them. They were a bit of a package deal, Lup had said when Barry had finally gotten to meet the famous Taako Taaco. She hadn’t been kidding. Barry had found out soon after meeting Lup that when she’d decided to pursue her 3rd degree (the aforementioned Necromantic Studies), Taako had immediately agreed to come with her to Neverwinter, uprooting himself and putting his dreams of opening a restaurant up so that they could remain together. Barry was under the impression that Taako hadn’t even thought twice about it; that was just how Lup and Taako were – always together, moving in tandem. As Lup had said, a package deal.
So naturally, having Lup in Barry's life meant having Taako in his life too. Barry had never had this many friends at once before, and it was borderline exhausting.
“Yah. I’m still working on it! But I’m bored right now, in this minute.” She looked at Barry across the room as she remained upside down. “Any suggestions, nerd?”
He frowned. “Uhhh… the movies?”
Lup shook her head, which was funny for him to watch given her position. “There’s nothing playing.”
“People have been saying good things about Star Wars.”
Lup snorted. “Eh, just a phase. People will lose interest, it’ll never last long-term. Anyway, next suggestion.”
Barry looked up, thinking. Nothing was coming to mind as he studied the popcorn ceiling. “Uhhh… Well, the zoo?”
Taako clicked his tongue. “Hell no, Baroldo, the zoo smells like shit.”
“Well, yeah, Taako, it’s filled with animals…”
“Still disgusting. Try harder.”
Barry sighed. “If you’re just going to shoot me down, why don’t you come up with something?”
Taako pondered that for a moment, then shrugged. “The club?”
Lup finally pulled herself right side up and flopped onto her back on her bed. “It’s a start. But it’s like, 4 in the afternoon, that’ll only be helpful in like 8 hours.”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you guys. If I suggest things like the library, you’ll make fun of me.”
Lup and Taako turned to look at Barry blankly for a moment, then burst out laughing. “Fucking shit, Barry, the library?!” Lup laughed. “You are so precious, you are such a nerd!”
Taako looked like he was losing his mind, practically wheezing. “How the hell did you find this guy, Lulu?”
Barry faked a frown, standing. “Well, if you’re going to make fun of me, I’m, uhh, I’m going to go.” He turned towards the door.
Lup was up in an instant, her hand on his arm. He froze, feeling a blush rising onto his cheeks. “Wait, Barr. Don’t go. We were just teasing.”
He bit his lip. Damn it, she knew just what to say… and when she shortened his name like that, it made him feel weak. “Yeah, I know. I wasn’t gonna leave.” He turned to look at her, offering a smile. He regretted making eye contact immediately.
When she looked at him like that, like he was the only person in the world, he lost his ability to breathe.
“Let’s just go get a coffee or something, then,” she said, her voice kind and sincere. He was painfully aware of her hand resting on his arm, her skin on his.
He took a shaky breath, steading himself. “Y-yeah. Let’s go.”
“Cha’ boy will be here. I’ve got shit to do.”
Lup and Barry left together, and she took his hand to tug him along like she always did, and his heart skipped a beat like it always did. And he wondered if he would be this simultaneously happy and miserable for the rest of his life.
* * *
“So where are you gonna end up when you graduate, Barry?” Lup asked as she sipped her iced caramel macchiato. The campus coffee shop was quiet today, surprisingly so, and Barry almost missed the noise.
“Uhh, graduate school. I’d like to get a Ph D.” It seemed so obvious to say it out loud, but truthfully, they hadn’t talked about it together before. He had just assumed she would have known. What else was there for a nerd like him?
Lup nodded, looking like she was thinking about it. “Yeah, you’d be good for that. You’re going to teach?”
He blinked. “Uh, yeah, actually. How did you know?”
She smiled. “It felt right. And, I think you’d be a great professor.”
“What, really?” Him, with no confidence or social skills?
She nodded, more firmly this time. “Yeah. You’re really smart, but there’s more to it than that. If that was all there was, you might as well go work in a lab. But… no, you’ve got a passion for what you do, and you legitimately care about helping other people learn. You light up like Candlenights lights when you see it ‘click’ for somebody you’ve been helping. And that’s why you’ll be great at it.”
He felt his face heat up, and he looked down, staring at his tea. “That… That means a lot coming from you, Lup. Thank you.”
She cocked her head at him, a playful smirk on her lips. “It’s not really a compliment, it’s just a statement, Barry.”
“I mean, maybe to you. But…”
“Well, don’t worry about it, Barr.”
Barr. There it was again, that damned nickname. She called him ‘nerd’ and ‘Barold’ but his stupid damn heart nearly exploded when she shortened his name to one damn syllable. All because he had a stupid damn crush. A foolish, idiotic crush that he would never act on.
“Thank you, Lup… Uhh, what are you doing when you finish?”
“Errr, well, I’ve got another year before then, and then I guess we’ll just… go where life takes us.”
“What, you don’t have a plan?”
“Nah, don’t need one. Too much baggage.”
“I envy you guys. You just… you really just live life and have a good time at it, huh?”
She frowned then, and it surprised him. “What, is that what you think? It's not all fun...”
“N-no, I just… you guys seem so nonchalant…” He could feel himself stumbling over his words and worried he was making a tool of himself.
Her frowned softened, and Barry realized that she looked… sad. It was something he’d only seen a hint of once or twice, so to see it so clearly shocked him and made him feel ill. He didn’t want sadness to be something that she felt, ever.
“Lup…”
As her name left his throat, her sadness was hidden away again, but Barry felt a sense of unease. Lup continued on. “Well, anyway. I’ll just do whatever. Have adventures. Create shit, then blow shit up. Fall in love.”
A pain in his chest. She’d never fall in love with him. Why was life unfair?
“That sounds… exciting,” he managed. Everything had suddenly started to feel unbearably heavy in that moment. Barry thought perhaps it was the weight of life, but had realized it was something else... something worse.
“Yeah. That’s what I’m aiming for.”
He nodded, staring down at the table and trying to stop his head from spinning, his thoughts from racing.
“Hey, Barr, I think I’m gonna head on. Do you want to come back with me?”
He shook his head. She always asked, she always invited him, and that only hurt his chest more. “I appreciate it, but I have a paper I need to write, really. I’ve been putting it off…”
He heard her laugh. “Yeah, I feel that. Okay, well, I’ll see you soon. If you get bored, feel free to come by.” She patted his hand on the table and then stood, heading out of the coffee shop with her cup in her hand. The warmth of her remained on his skin long after she’d left, and looking at the spot she’d touched left Barry feeling broken.
His face had lost all color, and he felt like he was going to throw up. An idiot, he was a goddamn idiot. And it had taken Lup to say it for him to realize…
He could still see her face, the curve of her lightly freckled cheek. Her red lipstick that never seemed to smear. He could see her eyes, the same color as the honey he used to sweeten his tea, watching him, looking at him like no one else but the two of them existed, as she sat in front of him and spoke to him. “I’ll just do whatever. Have adventures. Create shit, then blow shit up. Fall in love.”
Fall in love.
Fall in love.
Barry had fucked up and it had been worse than he’d realized. It was so, so much worse.
He’d fallen in love. He’d fallen in love with Lup.
He loved her. He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment it had stopped being a crush but somewhere along the way, between the notes passed in class and the late-night burger runs and the fact that she always remembered that he couldn't have milk in his coffee because he was lactose intolerant (even though he'd only mentioned it in passing once), he'd fallen in love with her.
And there was no way she would ever feel the same way.
Barry stood, put on his jean jacket, and left the coffee shop.
He somehow managed to control himself until he got to the small, unoccupied park on the edge of the campus.
He sat on the bench.
He covered his face.
And Barry cried.