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Chuuya doesn’t like being alone.
Perhaps doesn’t like being alone is an understatement.
Arthur had found out the hard way that Chuuya was more traumatised than he let on day to day. What looked like a strong, confident you man, King of the Sheep and Arahabaki, is a scared, fractured child. Sometimes, Arthur gets lost in the knowledge that Chuuya is such a powerhouse he forgets he’s a child, only fifteen. A normal boy his age would be starting highschool.
Arthur hadn’t had much of a childhood himself. He’s not even that old, but he was picked out by the military for his Ability when he wasn’t much older than Chuuya. He’s sure they were watching him long before that. So he certainly doesn’t know how to give Chuuya the childhood and teenage years he deserves.
It’s their first night in a proper hotel, rather than camping out in a stolen car or abandoned lodge. They’ve only been together for a few days and both are still on high alert, no doubt hunted by bother the Port Mafia and the government. Arthur know as well as anyone just how far Mori’s reach truly is, after all. They’ve scraped together enough money from the change they’ve found in stolen bags and cars, trading their vehicles on to less than reputable individuals, but Arthur didn’t get to his position in the Mafia or his own government by being moral when times were hard. It’s certainly not the best hotel. Arthur would love to show Chuuya true luxury one day but needs must.
It’s only when they’re in their twin room that Arthur realises how grubby he feels. Dirt and grime from travelling days without access to proper amenities. His first step is to turn up the heating in the room and head into the bathroom, setting the bath to run hot.
“Chuuya-kun,” he calls. He turns to find Chuuya already in the bathroom doorway. “Do you want a bath?”
“Bath?” Chuuya says.
Arthur blinks at him. “Chuuya-kun. Have you never had a bath? How did you wash when you were with the Sheep?”
“We- we had a shower,” he snaps, face going red. “It’s not like I spend my entire life without washing, you know? I mean, it was a shitty shower that only worked for like five minutes at best and was always cold and sometimes froze but-”
“Alright,” he chuckles. “I believe you. I was only asking. Do you want a bath? It’s very different to a freezing shower. It should help you relax and recover. You’re still injured, after all.”
Chuuya nods a little awkwardly and Arthur smiles, stirring in the bubbles. Behind him, Chuuya sits on the countertop, swinging his legs absently and watching. He takes Arthur’s coat, scarf and gloves when the steam warms the room enough. Arthur twists his hair up into a loose bun and puts his ear muffs on Chuuya’s head, chuckling at the rather confused look on the youngster’s face.
“You look weird like that,” Chuuya mutters.
“Hmm?”
“With your hair up and without all the layers.”
Arthur smiles. “I hope that’s not an insult.”
“No,” Chuuya says with a frown. He hides his face in Arthur’s coat and Arthur thinks he might be pouting, his cheeks a little pink. “You look kinda handsome.”
“Am I not handsome normally?” Arthur chuckles. Chuuya huffs and buries himself further in the coat. “Here, come and test the water.”
Chuuya nods, jumping off the counter and leaving Arthur’s clothes in a pile. He takes off one glove and dips his fingers into the water. Arthur finds himself absently petting Chuuya’s hair as they wait for the water to fill. Even grubby and ill cared for, Chuuya’s divinity shines through in a way that drew Arthur’s gaze enough before he knew the truth. And Chuuya seems a least a little relaxed by the gentle fingers through his matted curls.
He offers Chuuya the first bath and he seems rather nervous, but he supposes that’s normal for someone in his position. After a few long moments, he nods and Arthur gives him a pat on the head before turning to leave him to it. Only a hand catches his sleeve.
“Wait.” Arthur turns and Chuuya steps back. “I don’t…” He purses his lips and tilts his head away. “I…”
“Chuuya-kun?” he says softly.
“Stay.”
Arthur considers him for a moment before nodding. The room is warm and Chuuya seems flighty. He’s hardly the worst company Arthur has ever endured. Far from it. So Arthur nods and head back into the main room to ensure the door is firmly locked. Chuuya lingers in the doorway waiting for him and Arthur smiles.
“Alright,” he says softly. “Try to relax.”
He shuts the door behind him to keep in the heat and steam. He glances away so Chuuya can undress and only looks back when he hears the quiet splash of water. Chuuya is slipping down into the water with a sigh. He lies back and and closes his eyes as Arthur sits on the toilet seat. It’s warm in here. Not just because of the steam but it’s warm with Chuuya. Something about Chuuya chases at least some of the ice from his veins.
“You don’t like being alone, Chuuya-kun?” he asks quietly.
“Never really been alone since joining the Sheep,” Chuuya replies. “Being alone is dangerous. I learnt that when I was tiny.”
“I can’t imagine the slums are a good place for a child to grow up without memories,” Arthur agrees. “Being alone can be dangerous. You need someone to watch your back.”
“And put a knife in it,” he mutters.
Arthur smiles bitterly. “We’re rather unfortunate in that regard, aren’t we?”
“What was he like?” Chuuya says, playing with the foam. Arthur frowns. “Your partner. Verlaine?”
“Ah, Paul.” Arthur smiles, tilts his head back. “You remind me of him sometimes. I can’t understand why he did it… I thought…”
“Hey.” Arthur tilts his head back to Chuuya, finding him leant on the side of the tub, arms folded beneath his chin. He smiles and holds out a hand. It’s scarred and bruised. Looks like he’s broken it a few times. “The water will get cold if you wait for me, won’t it?”
“That’s inappropriate-”
“Why?” Chuuya says.
Arthur frowns. “People might think-”
“What people?” he replies. Arthur frowns. “No one’s here to judge, right? I’m the only one who’s opinion on it matters, right? I know you’re not trying to take advantage of me. And I assume you know you’re not trying to take advantage of me. What’s wrong with it?”
“If you’re sure,” he sighs.
“Living in Suribachi, you learnt to share with a lot of people,” Chuuya says, turning away as Arthur undresses. “Bed, showers, buckets of ice water and a cloth. Anything to get what you needed.” He smiles and lowers his head and Arthur slips into the water with him. “Whenever I was alone, it usually meant I had to kill someone. Everyone I loved backed away, like they were afraid of my power.”
“Your control of your Ability is impeccable,” he says. He picks up a sponge and Chuuya scoots over so he can wash him gently. “I can’t imagine you’d hurt anyone you didn’t mean too.”
“I haven’t always been this good,” he mutters. “It took a lot of practice. A lot of life and death situations.”
“I’m amazed you can still trust anyone.”
“You learn pretty quickly, everyone’s out for themselves. One wrong moon will be the end of you. I always knew the Sheep gave me a home in return for my strength. I’m sure the Mafia would have offered me the same.”
Arthur nods. “You could have gone a long way in the Mafia. It was a home to me for a long time.”
“Adults are harder to trust than kids,” Chuuya says. “Adults lie. Adults cheat. And they know how to do it without being caught. When kids try it, it’s obvious. Kids are their own kind of problem but…”
“I can imagine the kind of trouble a young boy growing up homeless could have with adults, yes. And yet you trust me?”
Chuuya laughs weakly, brushing damp hair from his face. “You did all that shit with the Mafia just to try and regain your memories and find out what happened to your partner. I respect that. You’ve been clear about that from the start. You wanted nothing but him. Too bad it didn’t turn out the way you wanted.”
“Like you who tried to protect your friend, even after they tried to kill you?” Arthur says.
“I hope they’re ok…”
The night is peaceful, if nothing else. Chuuya relaxes through the bath, letting Arthur wash his hair and chatting about nothing more serious. Arthur can’t promise Chuuya his friends are alright. He has no idea what the Mafia will do to the Sheep without being able to use them to lure Chuuya in. Particularly since they seem to have sided with GSS, a threat to the Mafia. So Arthur just doesn’t say anything more about it. Nor does he mention that, sooner or later, they are going to have to make plans for the future beyond just seeing where the roads take them.
After drying Chuuya off with a fluffy towel and handing him the pyjamas Arthus tucks Chuuya up in bed and tries to encourage him to drift off to sleep. He doesn’t seem to sleep well, but Arthur can only hope being in a proper bed will help him. He knows the past days have been stressful. Chuuya needs to rest properly though. And once Chuuya’s settled, Arthur changes himself and takes their clothes to wash in the basin. He’d thought his days of living like this were over when they started sending him and Paul onto more high risk missions in organizations rather than skulking around in the wilds. He certainly hadn’t had to wash clothes by hand since joining the Mafia.
Still, he can’t say he hasn’t missed this. Life in the Mafia has been thrilling enough. He worked his way up the ranks to Sub-Executive. He killed and cheated and lied. He put effort into the Mafia’s front companies as all higher level members have to. And yet Arthur finds himself enjoying the fact that they’re moving and living a simpler life and on the wrong. Just him and Chuuya, as if having a partner once more, relying on each other.
“Rimbaud.” Chuuya’s little body presses to his back, fists clenched in his top, and Arthur sighs. “You said you weren’t going to leave me.”
“I’ve not gone anywhere, Chuuya-kun,” he says softly. “And you can call me Arthur.”
“I woke up and you were gone.”
“Why did you wake up?” Arthur says.
“There were flames,” Chuuya whispers. “Everything was burning. I was burning.”
Arthur sighs and turns, wrapping his arms loosely around Chuuya’s shoulders. He’s tiny. He wonders if he was always going to be so small, is it his genes? Is it because of the experiments done to him? Or simply malnutrition?
“There was screaming and crying,” Chuuya rasps, burying his head in Arthur’s chest. “Everyone was dying. Everyone burned in the flames and I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t save them. I couldn’t do anything but stand there while everyone died. I can’t save anyone. I think it was me killing them. I’ve killed so many people.”
“You have,” Arthur says. “I was the only survivor the Suribachi disaster. It sounds like that’s what you’re recalling in your dreams. But you did that without realising. You were a child physically and a being who has never truly been conscious. Arahabaki or not, you were a child and cannot be held responsible.”
“And all the people since then?” he says. “Am I not responsible for them either?”
“Chuuya-kun-”
“I’m a monster,” he whispers.
“No. You’re not.”
“I am!”
“No.”
“All those lives I’ve taken and-”
“Chuuya-kun.” He takes Chuuya’s arms, firmly, crouching down to Chuuya’s height. “Listen to me. You are not a monster. You are human.”
“Humans can be monsters.”
Arthur smiles bitterly. He supposes keeping the Sheep together and those responsibilities forced Chuuya to ignore a lot of his own insecurities. He wasn’t as important as his friends in his own mind. Now there’s only him, Arthur and his own troubled thoughts. Little to keep him preoccupied.
“I’ve killed a lot of people too, Chuuya-kun. Do you think that makes me a monster too?” Chuuya stares up at him and Arthur smiles back. “I wasn’t all that much older than you when I was recruited by the military. When I had to start killing. When I fought a war and became a spy.” He sighs and presses his lips lightly to Chuuya’s forehead. “If you were truly a monster, you wouldn’t be afraid of what lies within you. You wouldn’t care what you’ve done.”
“What if I do it again?” Chuuya says. “What if I can’t control myself?”
“Then I am here,” Arthur says. “I’m here to protect you and stop you. My Ability withstood the explosive power of your birth into this world. I survived Suribachi because Illuminations can contain you. I won’t let you rage out of control, Chuuya-kun. I promise.”
Chuuya nods, pushing himself further into Arthur’s chest as if struggling to disappear into him. Arthur sighs, wrapping him tighter in his arms. He strokes his hair gently and Chuuya starts to relax bit by bit. He doesn’t blame Chuuya for fearing his own power. The memory of Chuuya coming into his world still sends chills through him. Still turns his blood to ice. Of course Chuuya suffers with the same chills at the thought. Of course it still haunts his nightmares. Both their nightmares.
But, Arthur can now look down at the young man he saved from a terrible fate and know the nightmares are work it. Chuuya’s paths had been set out for him from a young age; a weapon, an experiment but never a person. Arthur is glad to have saved Chuuya from that in his fight with Paul if nothing else. And from there, he had nothing but criminality and death. The Mafia or the streets. Sometimes, Arthur wonders how anyone could look at this fragile, beautiful little thing and see nothing but a weapon.
“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Chuuya whispers.
“If you like,” Arthur replies. “Do you want to go to bed and wait?” Chuuya shakes his head against his chest. “Alright. Can you at least allow me to finish the washing?”
Chuuya’s grip loosens slightly and he allows Arthur to turn back to their washing. After a few moments to calm himself further, he realises Arthus completely and joins him, muttering that he can help. So Arthur has him hanging up the clothes to dry overnight and is rather amused when Chuuya uses his gravity to guide the majority of the water out and into the bathtub. It’s certainly an interesting use for such a destructive Ability.
“See,” Arthur murmurs. “That Ability of yours isn’t suited only to murder.”
If only he could truly convince Chuuya of that.
Once everything is drying, Arthur takes Chuuya back to the bedroom. Chuuya climbs up into bed with him without giving him any time to change his mind. Not that he has. He curls up into his chest once and Arthur smiles, stroking his hair to help him relax once more.
“Shouldn’t someone stay up and-”
“Here,” Arthur says.
He needs Chuuya to rest and while he would stay up all night if needs be, he’d rather not. So he opens up Illuminations, letting hyperspace fill the room and wrap around them. The tension starts to drain from Chuuya’s shoulders almost instantly. He knows he’s safe within hyperspace. No one can come in or out Arthur’s own little world without his permission. Not even amazing little Dazai could come in that door right now.
So, finally, Chuuya curls up in Arthur’s arms and starts to drift off without further protest. And he’s warm. Beyond the heating in the room and thick covers, Chuuya himself is warm, chasing away the chill as if it might never return. It lulls Arthur to sleep as easily as Chuuya, light as his sleep is. And when Chuuya starts to shiver and shake, Arthur wakes once more, gently hushing him and encouraging him back to sweeter dreams. And for now it’s just the two of them, with nothing to worry about but Chuuya’s bad dreams.
They’ll worry about the future another time.