Chapter Text
It was funny how you just sort of liked things. Alex liked the girl's room. It wasn't very big, the narrow windows running up high along one wall. Simple white walls, white bedspread, white painted dresser, white painted bookshelf. She only ever could see one corner of the bookshelf, but it seemed full of dog-eared and well-loved volumes. The bed was right under the windows, to catch any sun, Alex supposed. It meant the girl only filmed at night, but Alex supposed that she was busy during the day anyways. She always looked a little worn down at the start of her sessions, slowly undoing her hair from its tight ponytail, shaking out light brown waves, taking off her glasses, kicking off her shoes, and rolling her shoulders like an unexpectedly sexy Mr. Rogers.
The site was subscription only, and this wouldn't have been anything Alex was ever going to attach her credit card to--except a friend from the lab next door (Forensic Pathology) had gone out to grab lunch with her and had given her this quiet, unexpectedly intimate look, a sly smile--"you know how you're into aliens?"
Alex had been like, "Yeah. That's my research."
"There's this girl," the friend, Maggie, had said. "She's got a channel. She's an alien, and she talks pretty openly about it. I thought that might be something you'd be interested in."
"Oh. Maybe." To be honest, Alex hadn't really thought about contextualizing her research through interviews. But right now her thesis felt like a dead body she was carrying on her shoulders. Waking up every morning knowing that she had to work on it again, keep running her experiments, face her advisor's dismissive sneer, made it so hard to get out of bed. It was only the phone calls from her dad, excitedly asking her how it was going, planning a co-authored paper for after she graduated, that kept her in school.
But hanging out with Maggie made her see her own work differently. Aliens were coming out of the closet. Soon they would have something to say about research that treated them like bodies but not people. Alex's advisor would mock the whole idea, but he was old. Xeniatrics was changing. She could do a chapter on aliens' lived experience. It was a chance to be on the cutting edge. This vlogger could be a resource.
Only . . . she'd thought it was a YouTube channel or Twitch or something. Not . . . Camster .
Alex wasn't going to watch porn. Well, she wasn't going to pay for porn. Everyone knew you didn't have to do that anymore. This wasn't for her. Not even for research.
When Maggie gave her an eyebrow wiggle and asked if she'd checked out the link, Alex had glanced up from her phone to glare at her. "I thought it was a youtube channel. I'm not going to pay to watch a Camgirl even if she is an alien."
"Too bad." Maggie shook her head. "She's really cute. Thought she might be your type."
Alex dropped her phone. Surely Maggie didn't think she was gay? And a xenophile? As Alex blushed and stammered, Maggie swore and swooped down to pick up the phone and check the screen for cracks.
When she handed it over, Alex managed to spit out some semblance of words. "I'm not-- I'm not sexually attracted to aliens!" Just saying the words made her face go hot. "Or women."
"Oh," Maggie said, sounding a little disappointed. "Just married to your research, then?"
That . . . kind of sounded worse, but Alex didn't know how to respond. It wasn't like she'd ever been successful with boys, and the thought of going on dates--it just made her feel exhausted. "No," Alex said, but her voice was small.
Maggie squeezed her arm, and Alex was pretty sure she hadn't believed anything Alex said.
Still, she'd said no. Maggie wasn't going to try to hook her up with any more alien porn . . . she hoped. And Alex definitely was not going to investigate that link any further.
Then she'd had a really bad meeting with her advisor.
Dr. Farber was a great advisor to have. He led one of the top xenobiology labs in the country, if not the world. His lab published so many papers that Alex's name was going to be all over PubMed by next fall. But Alex was pretty sure he'd never warmed up to her. He knew her mom, and that was probably why he'd taken her as a student. But she wasn't living up to Eliza's hype.
And that meeting, well . . .
He didn't tell her she was stupid. But there was enough in his silences for her to go away feeling like a thin tin roof that had been beaten in with a hammer. She'd sat in her room for an hour or two, staring at the tv--off--trying to figure out what she'd done wrong. Why was she such an idiot? Why couldn't she hack this?
Then she got out the whiskey.
Dad liked a small glass in the evenings. He'd started the habit in grad school, a way to make him feel more grown up. She really needed to feel grown up right now. So she'd poured a small glass and let the burn coat her tongue, the smokiness rise up through her nose. She'd put on the tv and watched two episodes of a stupid sitcom and drank two or three more glasses. Her mind was dull now, and she felt better, softer. Dad had the right idea. She pulled out her computer, checking her email. Nothing from her advisor, but that was fine.
Of course it was fine.
Of course it was.
The link from Maggie was in her notes file. She hadn't deleted it.
Tonight, the thought of looking at a pretty alien felt different than it had before. The voices-- what would people think, what does this mean about you, what if your credit score gets a beating-- had fallen silent. She clicked the link and watched the introductory video. The girl was fully clothed. She had a smile that managed to be shy and bright as the sun at the same time. She seemed sweet. Her smile made Alex feel less like crap. She just wanted to see a little more of her smile.
"Kara" was streaming in a few minutes.
It was a one time thing. Alex would cancel the subscription tomorrow. But she wanted to see it tonight. Just once. She made an account, typed in her credit card number, and clicked through.
The screen was loading, a spinning disk in the middle holding the place. There was a chatroom running underneath it.
AlienFetishist1: Where's our beautiful girl? I want to see those pretty lips.
xxxADAMxxx: ya . . . ya . . . ya
Chimmykins: Click here for a great deal on Silician yen!
It was as gross as Alex had guessed, and suddenly she felt dirty for being on the same webpage as these gross men.
BarryA: So, what are we thinking for tonight? I'm really into her sucking on her fingers.
LARGAND: PUSSY
WinSloW: You can't afford pussy, Large. You're lucky we don't boot you out since you never contribute a token.
BarryA: Oh, there's a newbie! Hey @NotDrAlex?! You gonna look at our girl?
NotDrAlex: hi
NotDrAlex: I heard she was an alein
Alex groaned after hitting send. She was too drunk to type. Also, she didn't want to chat with a bunch of perverts. This was terrible.
BarryA: Sure thing. You into that?
NotDrAlex: . . . yes?
AlienFetishist1: YEs! I dub thee AlienFetishist2!
NotDrAlex: I don't mean it like a fetish. I'm just interested. Is her body different? Does she talk about her home planet?
WinSloW: You know she reads this chat.
Alex froze, mortified.
NotDrAlex: I didn't mean it like that! I've never done this before. I don't know how it works.
BarryA: COol, cool. This might not be your vibe. She's a sweet kid and we will boot you if you're rude, okay? We got her out of her bra when @LenL came, because he's loaded. But that's unusual and we've never asked for anything below the waist. We work together to donate tokens to get her to do different things we want to watch, or talk about things we're interested in, though she'll often do that if we just ask politely.
NotDrAlex: Oh, that's really helpful. Thank you.
It was also a surprise. Alex had figured this was a porn site, but if they hadn't gotten her out of her pants, how explicit could it be? Being here felt a little less like a big deal.
BarryA: No problem. You see that little number in the corner of your screen? That's your token count. You get a basic rate for your subscription and then you can buy more if you want, and if you keep up your subscription for a full year your rate increases. You don't have to donate to watch, but . . . it's not sporting, yeah?
NotDrAlex: Okay, I understand.
BarryA: I'm proposing tonight be finger sucking, okay? All the ayes?
AlienFetishist1: Aye!
WinSloW: Aye carumba.
xxxADAMxxx: Aye . . . ya
LARGAND: PUSSY!
LARGAND: Aye
BarryA: The Ayes have it? Is that cool, @Kara?
Kara: Sounds good! Be with you in a sec! And Welcome, @NotDrAlex! Thanks for looking after him, @BarryA.
NotDrAlex: her
There was a pause, and Alex desperately searched for any way to erase the chat. Outing herself as female on any chatroom was just asking for trouble.
LARGAND: PUSSY!
Kara: Oh! I'm sorry for misgendering you! Welcome, again! Glad to have you!
NotDrAlex: It's fine. I'm-- glad to be here.
BarryA: Nice to have another girl! Sorry, I'm @BarryA's fiancée. I watch with him but don't have my own account.
NotDrAlex: hi
LARGAND: PUSSY!
BarryA: @LARGAND, shut up.
Alex shifted uncomfortably in her seat. This was already more community-based than she had been ready for. Also, had BarryA's fiancée also approved the finger sucking? What was going on?
The number of tokens being donated towards the finger sucking was rising. Some were marked with who donated it, some were anonymous. Apparently you could stay anonymous and still watch the stream. Of course Alex had screwed that up. She wasn't going to donate though. Only . . . she had eighteen tokens, half the number of dollars that the month's subscription had cost. And if she was canceling it after tonight, then it would be silly not to use them. And . . . finger sucking wasn't offensive or anything.
She donated five tokens.
BarryA: Way to go, @NotDrAlex!
BarryA: It has to hit 200 to make it worth her while. The website takes a cut of the tokens for hosting and stuff.
NotDrAlex: thanks for explaining that
She donated five more tokens.
The spinning circle resolved into a view of a small basement room, painted a clean white, and a girl, the girl, Kara moving back from the camera to sit on the edge of the bed.
She rubbed her forehead and rolled her neck and settled onto the bed. Then she smiled at the camera.
"Sorry I'm late. Manager didn't let me go until I cleaned up the frap a kid had booted all over the floor."
xxxADAMxxx: ewwwww
LARGAND: PUKE!
BarryA: That sucks, @Kara
"Thanks, you all. And welcome, Not Doctor Alex -- can I just call you Alex?"
NotDrAlex: sure
"Great. Do you want to say a little about what brought you here, Alex? And anything you like in particular? Or things that make you uncomfortable? I try to make this a comfortable place for my regulars, and I don't want to hit on any squicks for people if I can avoid them."
Alex had no idea what to type.
NotDrAlex: I guess I came here because a friend knew I was interested in aliens, um, like the lived experience of being an alien. How do you relate to your body? How do you feel being an alien in a majority human context? What fears or expectations do you have for medical treatment? Shit, sorry, this is boring.
Kara blinked at the screen as she read it. She looked a little surprised, and then she blushed. She actually blushed.
"No, those are really sweet questions. I'm happy to talk about that sort of thing."
LARGAND: PUSSY!
BarryA: I'm not comfortable with those kinds of questions. This isn't the right context for an interview. Tf you're going to use the information, you need a consent form.
Fuck, he--or she--was right. She probably also needed research approval. That would be a thrilling application to write. . . the reviewers had probably seen worse.
NotDrAlex: Of course, you're right. Forget about that. I had no idea what to expect here. I'm happy just to watch and listen to whatever you want to talk about. I don't really know if I have any squicks. Can I let you know as we go along?
"Of course." Kara nodded at the camera. "And I hear your concern, BarryA. How about we show Alex what a normal session is like, and if she has follow up questions, she can DM me. Is that good with everyone?"
Another chorus of Ayes filled the chat screen.
NotDrAlex: definitely. thanks
Kara gave the camera a soft smile that kind of felt like it was for Alex alone, and Alex shuffled deeper into the sofa, pulling a blanket around her legs. Her latest glass of whiskey sat untouched on the side table. She was in for the ride.
#
For being as drunk as she was, Alex remembered nearly all of that first session. She remembered the way Kara wriggled out of her boots and tucked up her bare feet under her calves. She remembered her soft smile and the way her hair fell over her face and almost all the way to her lap. She remembered the way Kara laughed as she and the chat, though mostly BarryA, chatted back and forth.
"Finger sucking? Sure. But is that all you want? Why don't I level it up? Why don't I get something to suck off my fingers?"
WinSloW: Aye carumba!
LARGAND: PUSSY!
xxxADAMxxx: Hell yeah!
Kara kept talking as she moved out of frame for a moment--but not very far. The apartment was a studio, Alex realized. She came back with a selection of items--peanut butter, chocolate syrup . . . mustard.
"This is actually a good idea," Kara said. "Alex, you might be interested in this. On Earth I have to eat about four thousand calories a day. It's weird. I'm not sure if the food back home was just more calorie dense, or if it has something to do with the way Earth affects my metabolism, but it took me a long time to be comfortable actually eating as much as I need to eat. The nice thing about working at Starbucks is that--if I'm sneaky--I can drink my bodyweight in high calorie beverages for free."
That was cool.
NotDrAlex: thank you for telling me. That _is_ interesting!
Then Kara had settled back on the bed, licked her lips, and proceeded to suck nearly a jar of peanut butter, often doused in chocolate syrup, off her own fingers with every evidence of enjoyment.
Alex found herself clutching the laptop so hard that there were lines in her hands. An alien. It was all in the small things, wasn't it, the way she could eat all that and not get a stomach ache, the way her tongue flicked out and moved the peanut butter too easily. And then there were the other things, the way she licked chocolate syrup off her lips, the way she laughed at LARGAND's abrupt but never really line-crossing comments. The way she nearly dripped chocolate on her top and caught it, and then waggled her finger at herself.
"Dangerous!" Kara stripped out of her top, revealing soft curves and firm muscles, and Alex stopped breathing for a good thirty seconds.
xxxADAMxxx: hubba hubba!
LARGAND: :faints:
Kara grinned at the chat, laughing in a way that said she didn't understand why they were so excited, but was happy that they were.
#
"All right you guys," Kara said when the clock ticked to midnight. "It's time for me to hit the hay. Thank you for coming! And Alex, if you're still there, I hope you had a good time and that I'll see you again next week. DM me if you have any questions."
Alex didn't cancel her subscription.
Honestly, it became a bit of a lifeline. If it was a shitty week, she'd know that Kara and her warm smile would be waiting at the end of it. She liked chatting with BarryA and his girlfriend. She'd sent Kara a few DMs about things that had come up in session, and Kara had sent her back long and thoughtful responses. She had at least twenty pages of a new chapter on Alien Expectations about Human Xeniatrics.
Dr. Farber hated it, but there really was no pleasing him.
The fact that she was a camgirl wasn't a big deal. She was nice, fun to watch, and it kind of even counted as research. It wasn't a sex thing. Kara was nice . How could that be a sex thing at all?
#