Chapter Text
The Friday after finals was a flurry. For all their differences in personality, hobbies, and temperament, the two things that truly untied Harrow and Viren in their long-standing friendship was an unwavering dedication to their families, and their passion for (and insistence on) staged family photos.
To them, the more the merrier, really, so Callum was taking more photos over that weekend than he ever had in his entire life, posing “candidly” with Ezran, Claudia, and Soren for Soren’s official high school graduation photos. They took photos in the park, they took at Viren’s house, they took photos at Harrow’s house- Hell, they took photos at Rayla’s place, at Ethari’s enthusiastic insistence.
Rayla had managed to smoothly talk her way out of taking photos with the slight cough she was exaggerating, so she simply sat on the couch, shit-eating grin directed right at Callum as he pretended his cheeks weren’t on the verge of shattering from how much he had to smile. Viren and Harrow coordinated vantage points for the optimal amount of angles needed, which Ethari also enthusiastically joined in, roping in Runaan not to long after. Rayla could barely suppress the gleeful smirk on her face as the men began to rig the camera off a makeshift post on the ceiling, and the utterly despondent look on Callum’s face.
After the two day long photo shoot, there was the small dinner held at Soren and Claudia’s house on Sunday, one day before the graduation, between their dads, friends, and Amaya, Gren, and Corvus. That was considerably more enjoyable than the photo shoot, even if Callum and Viren occasionally still made uncomfortable eye-contact almost five months after their encounter at Soren’s club party. Runaan and Ethari were uncomfortable able to come, but Rayla was there, giving Callum a small, knowing nudge every time it happened, prompting a small laugh.
It was peaceful, overall, spending time with everyone on a warm June night, the last days of May weather and June gloom slipping away. He drove Rayla home that night and the slight balminess in the air and the stillness of her neighborhood that night seemed to signal a change in something , right alongside the seasons. He told her this and she scrunched her face up, calling him too sentimental, but for a moment, she seemed to ponder this as well.
—
Up on stage, Principal Harrow gave the signal, and the graduation caps finally flew in the air, confetti and balloons joining. A round of applause, and then the chaotic shuffling of families making their way out of the bleachers and onto the football field. With what could only be described as a sixth sense, Claudia zeroed in on her brother immediately, leaving the rest far behind as she tackled straight into him.
“ SORBEAR ! You did it! I knew you could!!” She sobbed, very loudly.
“Aw Claudia...fuck, I said I wouldn’t cry .” Soren’s voice cracked at the end as he wholeheartedly bear-hugged his sister, the two of them joyfully wailing in the middle of the field. Rayla glanced over at Callum, concerned, but Callum simply shrugged. He might have shed a tear or two in the past for Ezran’s grade school graduation, so he couldn’t really judge.
Speaking of which, Ezran walked over to Soren to congratulate him and was promptly swallowed up into the sandwich. He seemed happy, but Callum was a little concerned he might soon stop breathing, so it was officially time to break up the love-fest.
“Congrats, you dumb lump.” Rayla said, holding out a small bouquet gift purchased outside. Soren took it and motioned towards her, waiting for the green light. Rayla rolled her eyes and held her arms out stiffly, letting Soren swoop in for another crushing bear-hug. Callum barely had time to laugh at the scene before he himself was pulled in, his spine almost snapping him half.
“Man, okay, okay,” Soren said when he was done, wiping the tears from his eyes. “ Party at my house, this Friday. Pretty much everyone from my graduating class is gonna be there, and so are you guys.” He pointed at them. He then pointed at Ezran only. “We will be having an all-ages party tonight at your place.” Ezran grinned brightly.
“Your dad’s gonna be chaperoning there too?” Rayla asked skeptically, and Callum couldn’t help the nervous glance he sent Soren’s way. Soren put a hand up. “Nope, this has been months in the making, I’ve been negotiating this way back when. We get the house to ourselves until 12:30 in the morning. No alcohol.” Rayla raised an eyebrow at this until Soren glanced around them, and discreetly finger-quoted. Callum glanced at Rayla this time, mostly concerned, mildly exasperated, but she only responded with her bright smile.
“Alright, we should probably find dad now, I’m sure he’s gonna want to take more photos before it gets too dark.” Claudia said. Callum groaned, but his whining went unnoticed as Soren and Claudia went off excitedly, Ezran following suit after them.
“I thought my dad needed to cool it with the photos this whole time.” Rayla said, laughing freely at Callum’s plight. “We’re going to have to do it all over again next year when Claudia graduates too. Then when you and I graduate…”
“Who says I’m gonna be around when that happens?” Rayla questioned as they slowly started making their way towards where their friends had run off to. Callum looked over at her. “Were you planning on going somewhere…?” He gasped. “Are you moving back to Scotland? The assassins you were running from this whole time finally caught up to you. Can’t say I didn't enjoy some of the time we spent together. I’ll place a rose outside my porch every 31st of July, just for you.” He grasped her shoulder, turning away dramatically, before he had to stop himself from toppling over the grass from how hard she shoved him.
“ Haha . I’m just saying, you seem pretty sure we’ll still be hangin’ around each other by that time.” She smiled, then paused, thinking. “Come to think of it, our birthday month’s comin’ up soon. What should we do together?”
“Weren’t you just saying we weren’t going to be hanging around each other anymore?” Callum shot back smugly.
“I think a month and two years can’t really be compared, dummy.” Her response was haughty, but her smile remained, her “ hypothetical” clearly just that. Something about it encouraged him to move in closer, just a tiny bit. He lightly bumped her shoulder with his.
“We could plan something with Ezran and everyone else. Unless you wanted to just hang out, the two of us?” He asked. She glanced at him quickly before looking up and then straight ahead, as if she were mulling the question over deeply in her head. The pause that followed was a little longer than he expected.
“You decide.” Came her answer as they closed in on the others, who had finally met up with the adults. As a result, he didn’t really get a chance to answer- instead, it gave him time to think over everything that didn’t have to do with his answer. Like why she had paused for so long. And why it was giving him pause suddenly. His dad flashed a wide smile and camera, and these questions promptly exited his mind.
—
This night was a little warmer than the last, and even balmier. It was 8:30 p.m., the small party having been going on for a while now and showing no signs of slowing down as Amaya and Gren pulled out Pictionary. Runaan and Ethari had cut the night short for themselves however, graciously excluding themselves as they explained how tired they both were from having worked double shifts not too long ago. They bade everyone good-bye, but Rayla chose to stay behind, knowing Callum would be more than willing to drop her off later.
But after they had left, Rayla decided to stay out on the porch for a bit. “It’s just a little hot in here, is all.” She said with a smile at the adult’s concerned expressions, but they allowed it. Since then, Callum had been waiting for an excuse to slip outside- the shuffling around for this new game change seemed the perfect opportunity, so he did just that.
“Having fun out here?” He asked, pulling her out of her thoughts. She was seated on the small bench outside on the porch, looking very still, but she brightened slightly at his arrival. “Tons of it.”
“What’s on your mind?” He sat down next to her, and she looked ahead steadily, her gaze far off again. “Not much really...think I’m just tired.”
“Why didn’t you go with your dads then? Not that we don’t want you here or anything, but you shouldn’t force yourself to stay awake for us.” He smiled, but Rayla seemed even more pensive now. His smile dropped a bit. “Are you ok?”
She glanced over at him and away quickly, a long pause falling between them again as she seemed to consider what she would say next. In the distance, the sound of crickets provided a soft backdrop, making him feel as though they were the only two people around for a moment.
She finally turned towards him, her resolve seeming stronger. “Lately I think I’ve just been...feeling. off.” She finished. “In what ways?”
“I really don’t know, honestly. I just feel like I’m gettin’ up on the wrong side of the bed every morning. I’ve been havin’ a nice time these past few days but I just...can’t really shake this feeling.” She wasn’t offering much explanation, but he could see on her face how much revealing this tiny bit was taking out of her, so he thought quickly on his feet.
“You know,” he started cheerily. “Whenever someone’s feeling down in my family, we do something called ‘Big Feelings Time.’”
“Oh God…”
“No, really! It helps! You say what you’re feeling, and then someone else says they hear you, they understand you, they’re here for you- it feels really good!”
She shot him a withering look. “You’re like those families from Christmas catalogues, or like...coffee commercials or something.” He laughed despite this.
“Well, I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. I’ll just stay out here with you instead.”
“Aren’t they playing Pictionary now Inside? You love drawing. And that’s one of the only games you ever win.”
“I’m willing to allow them a chance to win among themselves.” He responded, picking imaginary dirt off his nails smugly. “And it’s okay. I’d rather be here with you anyway.”
He meant this sincerely because it was true, but it seemed to shock Rayla. Her eyes widened before she quickly turned away, stiffening. His smile dropped slightly again- Was that really that weird? He was just being honest- it was no secret that in these past months, they’ve crossed the divide into being best friends. Why would he not want to be with his best friend?
She seemed almost troubled, her fingers fidgeting slightly, and Callum thought that he should perhaps apologize for whatever it was he did to make her uncomfortable before she suddenly spoke again.
“I just feel like. I’m fucking everything up right now.” She started, first a little too loudly, then too softly. She kept her gaze down at her hands clasped together tightly. She looked like she might have been a little shocked at the words that came out, but it couldn’t beat his own shock.
“What? Rayla, why would you say that?” Callum reached out to pull her hands apart, but she flinched and he quickly backed away. He was at a loss for words- what in the world could have brought all of this about? What exactly could he do to make this better?
Her face seemed to shift between a number of emotions within a breath of a second. “I can’t really explain it, I just…I don’t know how to feel right now. But I just feel like so many things are going wrong and I just know it’s my fault somehow.” Her voice broke slightly at the end, almost imperceptibly. She swallowed, then continued on steadily. “We’re gonna be adults before we know it soon, you know. I feel like everything that’s happening, I should be smart enough to handle, strong enough to handle, but I’m just- I’m so weak . I feel like such a child - I am such a child, and I hate it and I have no idea what to-“
“Rayla, I-“
“- I think to myself, why can’t you handle this? Have you always been like this? I thought I could pride myself sometimes maybe on having a good handle on myself, but I don’t know anything- “
“Rayla-“
She was almost shaking now. “- and God, all I’ve been doing is sittin’ in my room fucking crying and it’s so pathetic, I’m so ashamed. I’m so pathetic, I-“
“Rayla, shut up.”
She immediately stopped and blinked, her eyes shooting up at him, as though she didn’t even realize he was still there anymore. “What?”
“Why are you saying these things about yourself? Rayla, it’s- it’s dumb. ” Even Callum himself was a little surprised at what he was saying. He’s definitely never spoken this way to her before, and her utterly stunned face proved that entirely. But there was just something about not only what she was saying, but the way she was saying it- he knew it couldn’t go on any longer.
“I’m not trying to make how you’re feeling sound dumb or anything like that but, just. How can you be so hard on yourself right now? If you’re feeling this way, this is the worst thing you could do to yourself right now.”
He didn’t realize at first that his hand had reached out to brush a lock of loose hair behind her ear. He belatedly noted a warmth in her cheeks that made him linger.
“And you know none of those things are true. You’re not weak, you’re not dumb and you’re not pathetic, you’re the strongest person I know! You could never be any of those things. You’re kind, and you’re smart, and you’re beautiful.” He knew his basically saying anything at this point, but it seemed to be working. Rayla, at least, didn’t seem so shocked in the way she was before- it settled into a more dazed surprise. Perhaps without her realizing, she had leaned her cheek into his palm fully, and he shifted to bring it that much closer, cupping it fully.
“You’re the best person I know, Rayla. No matter what, you try your hardest in everything you do. Maybe too hard sometimes, but it doesn’t matter, ‘cause everything you do looks cool and effortless anyway.” He smiled, seeing her eyes soften as the last traces of bitterness faded away. “And you’re ten times funnier than anyone else I know.” She giggled at this, as though breaking through tears that might have fallen. He smiled even brighter. “See? The Big Feelings Time helped, huh?” She giggled even louder at that.
“I told you! I’m here with you, no matter what.”
Everything stood still at that moment, not even the soft rustling of the summer breeze or the crickets far off breaking through. He thought for a moment that something felt very familiar about all this. Being alone with his best friend like this, staring into her eyes, the long lashes that framed him, the twinkle he knew all too well, her nose, her lips that came closer and closer and-
Wait. What.
Before he could even register what exactly had happened, she pulled back, serene for one moment before her face fell, confused. He short-circuited, in every sense of the word.
“I…wasn’t expecting that, exactly.”
She stared at him, her expression unreadable. “You were saying all those things...so I thought…”
Okay wait. Fuck. “I wasn’t- I wasn’t saying them to like! Get you to. You know.” He said, touching his lips. The lips she kissed. She kissed him. Holy shit.
She first stared at him as if he had just grown a third head for a moment. She then gasped and shot up as though she had grasped something burning. She turned away from him completely, almost shaking. He couldn’t venture what she possibly be thinking before she finally spoke, something deathly in her voice.
“We will never speak of his again. Do you understand?”
“Uh, y-yeah, of course.” Callum responded, fully in fight-or-flight mode at this point.
She suddenly turned around towards him roughly, her face coming close to his in a way that was much less gentle than before. “I’m serious , I’ll hunt you down Callum, I swear on my life I’ll-“
“D-Don’t even worry! I would never, like- no! ” He finished with a nervous chuckle, hands up in defense. In that split-second, he saw her fierce expression crumple completely. She then brought it back, a little more subdued this time, and she steadily walked passed him towards the front door.
“We’ll go back inside, and never speak of this again. Got it?”
“Yeah, yeah, got it.” Callum said hastily, eyes still wide from what just happened. With that, without looking back, Rayla opened the door and went back inside. He followed, but only after a swift, well-deserved palm to the face.
—-
The rest of the party went off without a hitch, more or less. Nobody seemed too concerned with how long Callum and Rayla had spent outside, except for maybe Amaya, who had glanced between the two of them when they had walked back in but said nothing, and Ezran, who Callum thought he might have saw glance meaningfully at him or Rayla throughout the rest of the night. Rayla, for her part, rejoined the party quite easily, her expression steady and placid. Callum had no idea what he looked like at the moment. He tried not to look over at Rayla too much in fear of making his expression do something funny, so he subtly stole Claudia as his game partner, switching with Ezran, who Rayla seemed grateful to chat with.
At 10:30 p.m. came the first round of yawns from a long day, and everyone decided to pack it all in for the night. Soren gave Callum and Ezran one last crushing bear-hug, and a tight handshake and hug with all of the adults before he started to head out with Claudia, as Viren had gone home a little earlier (“He’s ancient.” Claudia had whispered to Ezran, tugging at her eye bags.) Before they walked out, Rayla stopped them.
“Could you give me a ride home, Soren?” She asked. Soren glanced up over at Callum behind her. Callum hoped he didn’t look too surprised at her sudden request, but Soren’s expression told him that might have been the case. “You don’t wanna go with Callum?” Soren asked.
“Nah, he’s tired. I’ll let him rest tonight.” Rayla shrugged, completely casual. Soren glanced back up at Callum for a second again, unsure, before Rayla spoke again. “Besides, I wanted to talk to you about the football team at the campus you applied.”
“Oh, dude. ” Soren responded, apprehension wiped clean away. “Wait ‘til you hear about- oh.” Soren looked up at Callum once again. “I’ll get her home safe dude. ‘Night!” Claudia waved happily behind them.
Callum waved back, suddenly very self-conscious at Soren’s need to assure him of that. Stop being dumb. She’s your best friend. Everyone knows it.
He thought for a moment that Rayla had maybe looked back at him, but he might have missed it, as she promptly walked out the front door with Soren and Claudia, quietly shutting it. The adults were busy clearing up all of the food and games from the tables, Ezran cleaned his area and bade then all good night, and Callum was left standing alone in the living room, utterly confused, and strangely empty.
—-
The emptiness and confusion remained the rest of that night as he layed in bed, finding it hard to sleep. He checked his phone again, the bright screen hurting his dropping eyes. 1:25 a.m., and no new messages, the last one being from Claudia at 11:30 p.m., letting him know everyone had gotten home safely.
He shouldn’t really be expecting any new messages anyway. Rayla did say she kind of tired, she probably went straight to bed the minute she got home. She also said they were literally never going to talk about what had happened earlier again, so it shouldn’t really be a surprise that she was indeed sticking to that. She was a girl of her word.
But to ignore what happened between them- the kiss, he resolved to say to himself, cringing only slightly. They kissed . Or more rather, she kissed him. He sat there like an idiot and just let it happen.
Was “let it happen” the right words? That implied that he might have preferred it to stop, or not happen at all. And, well, maybe he did , but not out of disgust or anything like that. He just didn’t want to embarrass her! Or worse, make her think all of the true affirmations he was giving her were all part of his diabolical master plan to make out with her on his step-dad’s porch. And yet, through doing nothing, he managed to accomplish exactly. He groaned, hands over his eyes as he roughly turned to his side. He shut his phone off and placed it back on his nightstand, deciding that he would get at least a little bit of sleep.
Tomorrow was Tuesday, and he was going to hang out with Ezran and Rayla, just like he did almost every other day. It was going to be the beginning of Summer break, so there’d be no pressure from homework, tests, waking up at ungodly hours- it was going to be fun, darn it . If Rayla could be completely normal about this, and if she truly wanted him to never speak of it again, then that’s just he would do. Never speak of it again. Go back to being completely normal, as always. Yeah. Yeah . It will be fine.
Lost in these thoughts, he almost brought his fingers back to his lips, where they had been so warm for just a moment a couple of hours ago. He realized this and swung his hand back so fast, he hit his headboard hard , and spent the next twenty minutes nursing his wounded hand. It’ll all still be fine anyway.
—-
It was not fine.
Not entirely anyway. Ethari had dropped Rayla off at Callum’s house on his way to the hospital, and she entered his home looking pretty much the same as always. Maybe a little less bright, but cheery nonetheless as she said hello to Harrow and sat down next to Ezran on the couch for TV. Callum stood by the doorway stiffly for a moment before Ezran called out after him, beckoning him to join them for whatever cartoon Ezran had put on. Callum walked over and that began the first instance of Overthinking Every He Knew up to that point.
He hadn’t realized at that point that the three of them had a pretty set seating arrangement on the couch. Callum was generally the one to sit right in the middle next to Ezran and Rayla. It was a very sensible set up, really- when they watched cartoons, Ezran could poke at Callum about story beats and episodes he had missed, or simply rest his head against his brother’s arm, relaxed. When they watched scary movies, Ezran could use that arm to hide (he always refused to actually leave ) while Rayla could lean over and give her official commentary about how dumb the movie was the entire time (while also never actually leaving.) It was a great set-up, completely comfortable and natural.
There was no reason why he had to pause before he sat, this arrangement suddenly so glaringly obvious and troubling to him. “Callum, I can’t see.” Ezran complained lightly, his head turning to the side. Callum glanced over, and for the first time since the incident from last night, Rayla looked up, right back at him. Her face was mildly curious, mostly blank. No smile, but no discernible anger either. He sat down, as smoothly as he could.
He looked stiffly ahead of him before he realized Rayla’s gaze on him. “Go make popcorn, Callum.” she said. He turned towards her in surprise, and found her face still completely neutral, looking right at him. He paused. “You...couldn’t have asked that when I was standing up?”
“No.” She responded. Then she smiled, very lightly, but a smile nonetheless. It took him a moment to register that before he found himself smiling, a nervous laugh slipping out.
“Could you get a glass of water too, please? Sorry.” Ezran grinned. In mock-exasperation, Callum got up and headed towards the kitchen. He didn’t know whether to give himself another deserved face-palm or give himself a high-five. He acted awkward and weird- so, so weird . But as Rayla had told him many times before, he just was weird. So maybe this was just him acting normal. And Rayla had looked at him again- and smiled. She truly was a girl of her word. So again, if she could do it, then he could do. He finally resolved to put it all in the back of his mind, for good.
If he really thought about it, the incident, it wasn’t even really that big a deal, right? It was a heat of the moment deal, it had to be. They were very close, Rayla was very emotional, it was just a weird place, weird time- yeah, yeah. He watched the popcorn bag turn in the microwave, slowly expanding. It had to have been that. Because if it weren’t that, then that would mean- that would mean that it was...a kiss. A real kiss, not one out of gratefulness or misplaced and ill-timed excitement or emotion, but of...feelings and stuff. And he had feelings - feelings of friendship! Best friendship! They were best friends, and that’s all they ever were, are, and will be. The idea that Rayla could feel any other way, the idea that he could even think that Rayla would ever even consider-
“Are you done?” Came her voice behind, and he jumped as the bag popped loudly and microwave dinged! bringing him back to reality. He turned swiftly to see her standing there, looking thoroughly confused.
“Y-yeah, yeah, just, finished now.” He said hastily, pulling the bag out from the microwave too quickly- he shot his hand back, a tingling from the slight burn on his fingers. Rayla scoffed. “Dummy.” She then grabbed his hand, and he froze.
“You don’t wanna go to the sink or anything? I mean, if you’re fine with burnt fingers…”
“I...am not.” He responded weakly, as she guided him over to the sink, running cool water over his hand. He swallowed. “Thanks.” She scoffed lightly again. “Just seemed like you were gonna stand around doing nothing if nobody stepped in.” She let go of his hand at this point, and the warmth left behind competed with the tingling from his small burn. He couldn’t help but look over at her, no doubt surprised. She met his gaze, her face neutral again. “What?”
The sound of the water running crashing like a tsunami in his ear and he just stared at her for a moment- for what? “Nothing,” he heard himself say. “Just- Sorry. Uh, for.” He turned off the faucet and held up his hand. Her face didn’t even move a muscle. “You don’t have to be sorry for that.”
He wondered what exactly he should be saying next, but Ezran wandered in the kitchen at that moment. “Are you guys okay?” He asked, looking between them.
“He’s fine.” Rayla said, pointing over at Callum. “Just sustained a life-threatening injury is all.”
Callum quickly held up his hand, and Ezran giggled, grabbing the now cooler bag of popcorn and a large bowl. They all went to sit back down on the couch and the rest of the day went as any other day could- cartoons, a random movie on TV, more cartoons, Mario Kart- until Runaan’s shift was over at 5:00 p.m., and he picked Rayla up. She waved goodbye at the two of them and Harrow, her smile looking a little brighter than she had walked in that morning.
Callum was glad, but in his room alone that night, he found it hard to sleep again. He thought, he really was like a baby- always bumping around helpless, needing someone else to pick up his slack for him. She grabbed his hand and helped him like it was nothing, and it probably honestly wasn’t- she came from a family of nurses, after all. She was probably, in some way, used to taking care of people who couldn’t really take care of themselves. Namely, people like him.
He turned over on his side, his cheek resting heavily on his pillow, staring at this hand. You’re so dumb . There was no way that could have meant anything more. So it was better to just forget it. Why even be so bothered by that idea? All he had was feelings of love and friendship- he wouldn’t trade anything in the world for being her friend, so why let a tiny mistake ruin all of that?
There was another warm breeze coming in through his window, and he lifted his head a bit to see the tiny smattering of stars that peeked through all of the street lights. He remembered when he told Rayla that days and nights like these always felt like they were signaling change, and whereas before the thought seemed exciting and new, it now only left him a heavy dread in his stomach he couldn’t shake off.