Chapter Text
The world is a messed up place but this time the government decided to try to help make it better.
Suprise, suprise they made it worse.
Through many problems that exist in the world, poverty, war and mental illness the government decided to go for...none of the above.
Instead they answered a non-existant hyperthetical question...what if the population decreased so much that reproduction would cease to exist?
Or something along those lines I wasn't really listening.
Due to several debates and ignoring the fact that the population was infact increasing and resources were decreasing (really I think the only evidence they went off was increase in marriage) they came to one conclusion:
Romance was dead.
It was true to say the least to them the fact that no one sent love letters and stayed together until death bring them apart anymore. Instead we all invested in the world wind romance of sending nudes, sliding into DMs and exposing send nudes.
It was obvious a solution was desparetly needed, they had to fix romance. One guy saved it all.
Ms Penny Wise, the secetary of whatever the fuck was sacrifacing a goat or burning a cross or something when she had the closest thing to an idea that a politican could possibly have.
So running past the homeless people, struggling buissnesses and hate crime she made it to the white house to push forward the idea of: using science for controlling people's life's.
Instead of using this empithany or science for any good she decided that by using maths and science you could calculate compatiability of people's traits...deciding who was perfect for who.
She had clearly be reading too mich dodgey soulmate fanfiction
She was granted a genius and soon it became entrenched into law. That was all fun and games before it was taken a bit too far.
It would be fine if that was a recommendation or you could have the opportunity to swipe left.
But noooo, they had to force you by law to be with whoever this kid was. If you didn't want to, you would exiled to somewhere shitty where you will be banned from romantic activities or if you enagage with romantic/ sexual activities whilst you are with the person you were matched with.
You. Will. Be. Killed.
Yeah, sounds fun.
My problem was that it turns out that this machine was as accurate as buzzfeed quizes. Basing my entire life off my favourite egg yoke or something.
My name Bill Denbrough and welcome to my Ted Talk on how my life got completly fucked up.