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i.
There are many ways a man can feel after getting temporarily demoted, and humiliation is one of them. Thomas Barrow feels humiliated, and ashamed, and stupid, not only because he has been passed over, but because he actually thought that his work as butler mattered.
The suggestion that he be a “sort-of” anything made him feel like he did those years before, just waiting for Lord Grantham’s kindness to end and him just waiting for the sack. It’s blatantly clear that if old Carson’s health would magically improve, that’s exactly what would happen. It might happen anyway, after all this.
So yes, Thomas is feeling (and probably looking) rather glum when he dresses down to his shirtsleeves (not like he’s on duty anyway) and sits down in the empty servants’ hall.
“You look a bit glum.”
Mr Ellis. Not necessarily the person he wanted to see, but getting to talk about what has happened feels like a relief, somehow.
“You’d be glum if you’d been told you were surplus to requirement.”
“What’s happened?”
And it almost sounds like he cares, as well. And it is a relief, getting to tell someone who doesn’t already know and who won’t look at him like Mrs Hughes or Ms Baxter does for it.
“The previous butler has come back to manage the Royal Invasion.”
A pointed look, and then Thomas looks back at his newspaper again. Partly because actually looking at Mr Ellis during their conversation might just make everything worse. At least he’s being nice about it, trying to cheer Thomas up.
“Maybe you’ve got some free time, we could have some fun, we could go in to York.”
“There’s not much fun to be had in York.”
Unless you get stupid and drunk, one of which he can’t really risk these days (not to mention that he has aged, and that it rarely ended up being fun for him in the long run), and one of which he could easily arrange at a pub in Downton village.
“You’d be surprised. I grew up there.”
It’s not like he means it anyway.
ii.
Except maybe he did mean it, because Ellis doesn’t let the subject of York drop. Every time he mentions it, Thomas finds it a little easier to believe that the offer was genuine.
“You should go”, Baxter says, and so he decides that he will. Not that he dares to hope or anything, but it might be nice to leave Downton and the royal visit behind him for just a little while.
It starts off well. Ellis not only agrees to stay quiet about the scheme involving the royal footmen, but also comes up with a plan more bulletproof than anything Thomas had been considering. And it sure is fun to see (hear) the King’s Page of the Backstairs lose some of his authority. Ellis seems pleased as well, smiling the smile that makes Thomas’ stomach drop just a little bit.
“Right. Shall we go into York?”
Well, Thomas has already agreed, hasn’t he? Especially now that Ellis has helped him. Still,
“I’m sorry to miss out on the fun in a way. Where shall I wait for you when you’re with your parents?”
“We’ll find a pub.”
iii.
It’s not as if Thomas has never been to York. For Christ’s sake, he’s worked at Downton Abbey (on and off) for almost twenty years, and he’s spent several half-days and made countless work-related trips to the city. It has never really been more “fun” than anything else before, and although Thomas didn’t imagine that it would be very different this time, he’d still agreed to come.
He had been right. With every passing minute, Thomas could not emphasise exactly how right he had been. It wasn’t entirely his fault, of course, since Mr Ellis didn’t seem to be too bothered about showing up at all, no matter how hard he had pressed the issue of York throughout the day.
So here he is, alone in a pub, waiting for someone while the probability of him showing up at all decreases with every second. Probably got held up at his parents’, probably realised that seeing the old folks was more worth than having a beer in a pub with a bloke he’d only spoken to a handful of times, and who he’d probably never see again. They’re not actually friends after all.
Thomas had been silly to agree to come with him in the first place, even sillier to get his hopes up at all.
That, in combination with the three beers he’s had, makes it easy to go along with Chris Webster. After all, he has been waiting for a very long time.
iv.
Thomas has never been as happy as he is in Chris Webster’s arms, surrounded by other men dancing, talking, kissing. Is this how regular people feel all the time?
He’s even ready to admit defeat: he was wrong. There is fun to be had in York, if you learn where to find it. Not that he’d ever been able to tell Ellis what made him change his mind about that point, because this is definitely not a place where you go to have fun when you’re thirteen and growing up in York. And then it all comes crashing down.
Thomas knows what he risks, of course, even more so after the whole business with Jimmy. Somehow, though, he’d barely thought about it at all since entering the warehouse even though it might be the biggest risk he’s taken in the past decade, at least. It seemed as though the entire building existed in some separate bubble, a parallel universe where he and people like him got to exist and talk and kiss and dance with each other, in public where they could see and be seen.
Being shoved into the back of the police wagon, he wonders if the universe he is in is set on playing a cruel trick on him. Or maybe happiness just comes with a price: a few hours of fun and happiness and just feeling normal for once in his life, just to have the rest of it pulled out from under his feet. He is not naive enough to believe that he will get out of this.
v.
He gets out of it. He can’t believe his luck.
Climbing in next to Ellis in the car, Thomas clutches his hat and tries to focus on his breathing. What does one say in a situation like this? It’s unlike one he’s ever been in.
Ellis being into men does not equal Ellis being into him. Except inviting him to York, he’s not made a move of any kind. Well, at least not a blatant one, and while there are valid reasons to dismiss that argument, Thomas is not in a position to make an advance on the man who’s just rescued him from having his life ruined. And so he says nothing.
He stares out at the summer-dark sky and lets his memories of the night spin around in his head on repeat. Ellis stares straight ahead and doesn’t open his mouth until they’re outside of York.
“Well, did you have fun?”
Thomas shifts his head and stares at him instead.
“It wasn’t what I’d planned for the evening, I’ll admit”, Ellis continues when Thomas doesn’t answer, “but I hope you did. Before…”
“Rather took the fun out of it, you’ll imagine.”
His voice is shaking but at least Ellis is smiling at him, albeit a different, sadder one.
“I understand if you don’t want to go back unless you have to,” he starts, more uncertain than Thomas has ever heard him, “but if you ever do…”
vi.
Richard manages to get time off in April, and Thomas manages to take his half-day at the same time. When he gets off the train in York, Richard is waiting for him, smiling.
They shake hands in a greeting a few seconds too long and walk the city streets to Richard’s parents’ house in the spring air.
Mr and Mrs Ellis are warm and kind, asking questions as if they’re actually interested in Thomas and his life over tea, before leaving him and Richard alone in the tiny garden under the illusion of weeding.
In reality, they sit close on Richard’s old coat, talking about things they can’t write about and the things that have happened since their last letters.
When time comes for Thomas to leave for his train back to Downton, Richard kisses him, properly and uninterrupted, and Thomas finally sees the appeal of York.