Chapter Text
She was missing Anna. Elsa knew the familiar pain and just where it came from. It was her nearly constant companion now as she walked through the luminous birch forest. Despite her heartsickness, she was still entranced by its beauty after, what was it now, six months?…seven?. Time seemed to stand still here in Northuldra, each day seamlessly flowing into the next in an endless river of memory and light.
She paused in her journey, sitting on the soft ground against one of the sturdy white trunks, to contemplate what the Spirits had decided to reveal to her conscious mind. After months of mindfulness and practice she’d learned how to summon memory now outside the halls of Ahtohallan. She could now bring forth the memory of water any where and so, sitting amidst the dappled afternoon sunshine, she summoned her ‘diamonds’ as the villagers called them and looked among them for where to start today’s lesson.
True, they did look very much like gemstones but to Elsa the constellation of tiny mirrored surfaces was infinitely more precious than any earthly bauble.
For within each of these was a fountain of life and remembrance…moments that had been imprinted on her soul since her first conception of this world. Each of these made up who she was, these points of light were of her, by her and for her, the one she’d been looking for…since….since that first unbearable moment of loss.
She reached out and chose a glimmering white shard of ice and held it up…her mind’s eye opened and the memory unfolded before her….
…Origins.
Origins
Strolling almost casually within her domain one morning, the Snow Queen had unexpectedly found that very first moment of her existence, tucked deep within Ahtohallan’s immortal caves of ice. A frosty blue-white light blazed forth as she approached it. Gazing at the icy creation, a lonely child’s bassinet situated by itself, she felt the heavy but familiar weight of destiny lower itself upon her shoulders again. One more task it promised, one more lesson that the glacier had to teach her. And then she would rest.
She’d stopped instantly upon realizing the import of what lay before her. Standing there for Goddess knows how long, she held herself and the world she knew tightly within. More change, she grimaced, another unlit path I’m forced to follow… knowing this meant another leap into the unknown. It required trust in powers she’d only just come to terms with and that trust did not come easily with her to say the least. Despite the peace that came with learning who she was, this new challenge frightened her. The last leap she’d taken had come with a terrible price….Anna…
….she fled of course, as fast as she could spur her feet to action. She ran, running again from further pain, further knowledge, further distance from the one she loved, but could not love.
She cursed the mysterious and cruel fates as she ran, her rage building. She spat out her hatred for her ‘Destiny’ as she defied the waves of the Dark Sea. And when her anger was spent, she cried for solace to the bright blue and green rivers of the Aurora, her only comfort and companion in her loneliness and desperation. Even the Goddess herself seemed to have abandoned her.
In time she calmed and tried to put it out of her mind, busying herself with the many minor tasks in her domain, wandering the vast emptiness of the northern tundra and the surrounding seas or spending time with the Northuldra.
But the pull of these final ice-secrets invaded even her waking dreams. Without hope for herself, she accepted that no matter the personal cost, this would be her final step in truly understanding who she was and who she must serve. As always, she sighed bitterly, life left her no choices.
With a trembling heart, she turned her mount toward the glacier…
Drawing a shaky breath and glancing around the womb-like cavern, she momentarily wondered if the revelations and the pain accompanying them would ever end and…….putting all thoughts of her out of her mind, she stood in front of the icy bassinet once more. Looking inside, she saw a tiny infant swaddled in soft blankets. She reached out her open hand and…
…..It began as a brief flash of immense power and love, a light so brilliant it penetrated and overwhelmed all existence. She felt movement…..purpose…..power. Points of light whirled amidst waves of aurora-like beauty. Intense Blues of every shade entwined with Greens from deep sea to pale aquamarine and rich emerald……she was awestruck and speechless, suspended, in transit from the Origins…..but soon all this began to fade as she approached her destination…
…She was now alone in a shadow realm between worlds. The emptiness and isolation were limitless and soon became like a physical burden, weighing upon her spirit. She began to cry, for any sensation, even pain to break the solitude…
….and time passed……
…….she slowly became aware of a hunger as the darkness became absolute, a terrible hunger and a desperate desire for light. She also knew of the voice…a muffled voice, a warm voice, somewhere far above her as well as a reassuring thrum-thrum, thrum-thrum, thrum-thrum – both a sound and a sensation. These became her only friends, but after her time of isolation, they were enough..
…again, time passed, and her life took on a new rhythm…
She had arrived. The Snow Queen felt a tear roll down her cheek and her breath hitched as she looked up from her carved wooden bassinet through the eyes of her memory. Her new eyes focused poorly at her struggling little hands and the reds and blues of her rosemailed coverlets. She heard in her ears the soft cooing she made and then the gradual increase in volume and pitch until the adult was crying herself, tears cascading down her face in solidarity with the baby now seemingly alone in a wild and unfamiliar place.
But soon, a face appeared above her, a woman’s face framed by beautiful brown hair and a bright smile. A man’s strong but trembling hands reached for her, drew her up and laid her on the woman’s chest. Immediate warmth and relief surged through the baby Snow Queen as she drew her nourishment from the woman’s breast and her fears subsided with the sound of the steady and familiar heartbeat of Iduna, Northuldran maiden and Queen of Arendelle.