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Rey lay in the sand staring up at the stars that shone down on the dark desert. She could feel grains of sand crawling into her hair, boots, and clothes. It was nothing she wasn’t used to, anyone who grew up in a desert grew to have little care for where sand found itself amongst clothes. At times it was irritating, but these days Rey found herself caring about very few things. Sand could coat her skin for weeks and it wouldn’t faze her.
Most nights she lay under the stars, it was better than staring at the blank ceiling of the room she had claimed for sleeping in the Lars’ homestead. She refused to sleep, forcing it away despite her exhaustion. For when she was taken by the hands of sleep, the nightmares would arrive. Images of Exogol would make her jump awake, screaming his name into the night. Hours later she’d still be curled up with his shirt as tears ran down her cheeks.
BB8 would come rolling in, he was always anxious when it came to her. He was constantly reminding her to drink, asking if she was okay. Several times he had offered to contact Finn or Poe. Each time Rey refused, insisting that she was okay, that she just needed time to think. She wasn’t ready to talk about the events on Exogol, she wondered if she’d ever be ready.
Life on Tatooine was quiet, calm. She spent days refurbishing the homestead, fixing the fresher and kitchenette and nights lying awake listening to the sounds of the desert. In the month she had been there she had been into town twice, she didn’t feel like being surrounded by strangers.
The house was in very poor condition after being abandoned for years. Most appliances would need replacing, they were far beyond the point of repair. One afternoon she had taken a look at the moisture vaporators, it only took a few hours of tinkering with the wiring before they were up and running again. The homestead and area around it was all sand, Rey decided she would definitely have to find some plants that could survive in the climate, the area needed more life. After travelling the galaxy, she had decided she definitely needed greenery wherever she went.
The fresher had been the first thing to fix. It had taken three days to get the water running properly. It only ran cold, but water for washing with on Jakku had been a luxury so she couldn’t care less as she stood under the stone-cold shower to wash. It was one of the few joys left in her life, the feeling of water running down her back, being able to drink an almost endless supply.
The falcon remained nearby, she had promised Chewie she would visit him and Maz on Takodana soon. After returning from Exogol he had insisted she take it, he wanted to quiet down now anyway. Rey wasn’t surprised, the Wookie had experienced more war then she could imagine. BB8 had insisted on going with her, Rey had agreed reluctantly however his company had proved to of been quite comforting.
He liked to remain near the house at night, he tended to get a bit skittish after the twin suns went down. So Rey lay alone. She lay alone with her thoughts. This was the hardest time of day, when there was nothing to occupy her mind, nothing to tinker with or fix. Rey wondered if he was watching over her. If he could see her when she ran her fingers over the fabric of the shirt he had left behind, hear her when she cried for him at night.
Rey closed her eyes, refusing to let the tears flow as the image of him entered her mind. She had awoken in his arms, feeling full of life. He looked at her with such love it made her heart pound as she realised she felt the same. At that moment everything felt perfect, she had touched his face gingerly, just to reassure herself that he was really there, with her. After a moment of hesitation, she had closed the space between them and pressed her lips to his, pouring everything she felt into the action. Any fear of being rejected by him quickly melted away when his arms pulled her close, his fingers gently in between her three buns.
Everything had fallen into place, she loved him. She didn’t need him to say he felt the same, he was her dyad, her soulmate, her other half. But within seconds it had all been ripped away. What should of been a happy memory was shrouded in darkness. He had smiled at her, but that’s when it dawned on her. He had given her his life. The image of him fading away and becoming one with the force had plagued her mind.
“Be with me.” Rey whispered into the night. Her voice was croaky, tears running down her cheeks as she sobbed quietly. “Be with me.” she said again, slightly more forcibly. Rey’s fingers dug into the sand, gripping it in anger, anger that he had been taken from her. “BE WITH ME!” Rey shouted into the night. She broke down into floods of tears. “You said I wasn’t alone!” she cried. The sound of someone approaching through the sand filed her ears. “Not now BB.” she said without opening her eyes, “Go back inside, I need to be alone”
To her surprise, she felt a hand caress her cheek. Before she could slap it away, a voice filled the night, “You’re not alone.” Her eyes shot open and she sat up, to her disbelief, Ben Solo was kneeling in the sand next to her. It couldn’t be real, it was impossible. Her shaking hands reached out, cupping his cheeks as his brown eyes bore into her own. He was really there, solid and real. “Sweetheart, it’s okay. I’m here,” he whispered, covering her hands with his own. Rey shook her head as tears streamed down her cheeks, “But you died Ben, you can’t be here.” she sobbed. Was this a cruel trick her tired mind was playing on her? “This isn’t real.”
Ben gave her a smile, just as he had on Exogol, “I kicked up a fuss on the other side, it was painful Rey, so painful.” he explained, his smile fading, “I couldn’t go on without you, you’re everything to me Rey, my other half.” There were tears in his own eyes now, his hands caressed her cheeks as she spoke. As if he were trying to commit her to memory. Rey leant her forehead against his, she couldn’t feel him at all through the bond, it were as if she was on the end of a string, the other end leading to nothing. “But you can’t stay, can you?” she choked.
Ben shook his head, “It’s taking all my power to even do this.” he said quietly. Rey looked into his eyes, “Rey, I came to say goodbye.”
Just like it had on Exogol, her heart broke into a thousand pieces. “But I need you Ben, I can’t live without you.” Rey cried. She could feel him beneath her fingers, his own ones gentle caressing her skin, it all felt so real. And yet it wasn’t. She pulled back and looked him dead in the eye, “I love you Ben,” she whispered, “So much it hurts to not be with you.”
“And I love you Rey, I would do anything to be with you, to hold you, to love you forever.” he said, “But it just wasn’t meant to be.” Rey cried, Ben remained composed. He was dealing with this a lot better than she was. How could she live the rest of her life without this man? How could she live with half of her soul missing? “How long do we have?” she asked nervously. Ben took a shaky breath before answering. “Mere minutes, oh Rey there is so much I want to tell you.”
“I know,” she whispered in return. She moved through the sand closer to him, she was practically in his lap, his arms wrapped around her, pulling her close. Rey remembered their kiss on Exogol, would she let him kiss her again? She yearned for the feeling of his lips pressed to love, of love flowing between them. Before she could ask, Ben closed the space between them, pressing his lips to hers.
At first, she was taken aback, but she was soon returning his kiss, holding him close as they poured all of their love into it. She felt Ben lift her as they kissed. He stood, her legs find their way around his waist. It was just them, nothing else mattered. He kissed her and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek as their breaths mingled. She ran her fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them.
As he pulled back from the kiss, he lowered her to her feet. He tenderly brushed a strand of hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. “One day, when we meet again,” he said quietly, “I will love you until the end of time. Rey looked up at him with love, it wasn’t the end, ot even death could separate them, nothing could break what they had.
Ben pressed his lips to her forehead, “I’ll come back for you sweetheart.” he whispered. Rey watched as he faded away, leaving her alone in the darkness. He was gone.
“Goodbye Ben.”