Chapter Text
It's there, cradling her broken body, that he finally understands that, while light calls to him, he cannot fully answer. In order to put aside ones own feelings for the greater good, this fervor shouldn't exist. And it was roaring in his veins, a throbbing, angry, pulse in his temple, a tremble in his hands.
This inferno, which was only a glimmer in Kylo Ren, is a living beast in Ben Solo.
None of his masters had prepared him for this. There was no peace and there was no strength within him as he dragged Rey off of the floor and into his arms. She was gone. Her entire being was void and empty and it drove a certain desperation in him. This isn't how it was suppose to end. He summons a breath and closes his eyes. The force, which hummed in an absolute clarity that he hadn't experience since he was an apprentice, was also a consuming thing. He empties himself into it, on the tether that holds all together, letting the energy around him absorb and disperse. Behind it, there is fear and anguish that he is unable to hold back, so instead he allows it. He does not let it hold him back anymore.
Balance, he thinks to himself.
His hand is covered by something warm, jerking him back into the ruined temple. It's her eyes that he sees first, blinking and alive, so very alive. She says his name and for once, he breaks, an ardent symphony from her lips and belonging to him, and only him. This name has never meant anything like it does right now and he doesn't have any longer to fully digest it.
Warm lips and her thumb brushing from the corner of his mouth to his jawline. He feels his entire face tremble as her eyes, now wide and rich and awake, gaze back into his. He relishes it. An out pour of affection, so strong that he isn't sure how to contain it or express it, but he knows if he does neither he will erupt. He accepts her as she leans in by wrapping an arm around her frame, her skin growing warmer as he pulls her closer. He had once believed joy was a weakness, a distraction from a greater cause, but he's never felt strength like this before. The light, once a distant starlight, fully submerges him now.
Love, he concludes, this is what it feels like to be loved.
Then coldness causes him to falter, it's starting to get dark and his eyes are heaving and he's falling, but he knows why.
Ben closes his eyes and accepts the inevitable.
Coolness seeps into his pores and his skin becomes numb, if the force is physically pulling him away he doesn't feel it. There is a quiet parting that soothes his frantic heart into a slower motion. It builds gently and he is unable to be afraid of it either. He thinks he is fading and-
The coldness is pouring over him in a wild wave and filling his lungs full until he jolts up and tries desperately to cough up water that must be choking him. There is a sharp, acute pain, in his leg as he pushes himself upward which makes him fall back down. Wheezing for air, he somehow manages to lift his head and look up at the girl, who is looking down on him. She is holding on to his hand, like he had asked so many times for, gripping it like the last solid object in the world.
"He made this mistake before and he didn't remember. It was you who told me I had all his powers, wasn't it?" She does not speak, but her voice is clear in his head. Her eyes are shining and wet, but there is something sinister as well behind them. "He said I would ascend, if I killed him. He was right."
The shock of life flooding back into his system is already distracting enough, but her words get his attention. Some other voice, deep down, says they're all wrong. The thought is completely lost as he gags. He sputters again against a reflex in his chest and convulses on his own breath, which taste stale and rotting. Drained entirely of consciousness, she collapses onto the ground.
He still can't take a full breath, but he drags himself up and over her, both hands pressing along her neck and chest to search for that familiar beat. For a panicked second, he is enraged because this life was not hers to refuse and if she had died again, he wasn't sure if he was strong enough to give it back. Typical, she was always so stubborn and they would be up all night trying to resurrect the other if this continued. When he finds it, slow and methodical on the end of her jaw line, he holds it. Just for reassurances.
He sputters again, but it's half relief, half a sob, instead of the sensation of drowning. He tries to find his legs again. They wobble beneath him, but they hold him upright. Only then does he turn to the throne where Palpatine sat, he wasn't sure what happened, but it wasn't there anymore. There is nothing, but broken stone and crumbled gods around them.
He turns down to look at Rey who is blissfully unaware of everything around her.
"You," He says slowly "need to teach me how to do that."
xxx
They return to Ajan Kloss, which is as vibrant and alive as they had left it. Poe Dameron walks slowly out of the tent where General Leia Organa's body was laid and was now gone. Finn is waiting, sitting on the edge of a metal trunk with his head between his hands. He looks up as Poe approaches, but returns to the position when Poe sits next to him.
There is too much loss here. People are still celebrating all around them, but the absence of the ones who weren't there is a heavy burden. He had been watching the sky, just in case someone just hadn't landed yet. So far, it's been a complete waste of time, Her absence is palpable. There is something gone in him that he wasn't fully aware even existed until it wasn't there. Anger is the only thing that can breath and survive in the empty space.
Through the crowd, which hasn't lessen in volume, there is a familiar distressed sound that makes Poe and Finn look up at the same time.
BB-8 zooms towards Poe, crashing into his legs and beeping frantically.
Poe solemn expression transforms into disbelief. "Luke's X-wing is doing what?"
Finn sits upright, but the small flicker of hope immediately is extinguish.
"No, just show me." Poe interrupts the droid's mindless shrieking and they both disappear into the crowd towards the flat expansion on the outskirts of the Cathedral Fig grove where the communication terminals were located.
Finn is slow to rise, but quick to follow the two through the crowd. He doesn't recognize the boy who sits in front of terminal and shakes at finger at the screen.
"I thought it was another survivor who hadn't caught up, but it's definitely coming from Luke Skywalker's X-wing." The intel analysis explains to Poe.
"It's heading here." Poe says unsure, squinting at the fogged screen. "That doesn't make any sense."
"It's a trap." Finn says affirmatively, there is a twinge of irritation behind it. "We have to go intercept before it gets too close."
Poe glares at the screen, his grip tightens around the headrest of the intel analysis's chair, ignoring even when the boy shifts away and looks around with great concern, like he was unsure how to react to the growing tension.
"What if-" Poe starts.
"I felt her die, Poe. She's gone." Finn snap, his hands clenching at his sides. He wasn't ready to talk about this, not like this. "And now someone stole her ship and trying to use her to get to us? Is that what you want Poe, huh?"
"You don't have to go."
"Oh no, you're not going without me"
There's a loud whistle that makes both of them jump. Finn and Poe turn towards Rose, who had been standing there for some time now.
"You're all forgetting something pretty important." She says imprudently. She turns to Finn, who's still eyeing the screen with distrust. "It means someone wasn't aboard those Star Destroyers. Any wild guess who that might be?"