Chapter Text
With one hand on her lower back he stirs her gently past lush rose bushes and glittering water, away from the lively party and towards the private pool house, with the other he holds a bottle of champagne. His suit jacket is lifted oddly on the backside. There’s a flash of a brilliant smile as he leans down to murmur something into the beauty’s ear. Next, she throws her pretty head back in delighted laughter while he grins brightly in satisfaction. They stop shortly before the house’s entrance, so close to each other that he imagines their noses brushing, their breaths mingling, their smiles touching.
Seokjin bites his lip as he watches the scene with unblinking eyes. He holds his breath as she presses closer to Jung Hoseok while he pops the champagne with a smooth flick of his wrist and produces two glasses from behind his back. He can see her shoulders shake with giggles, his gorgeous grin and twinkling eyes. He releases a heavy sigh, deflates as flutes are expertly filled to the brim, as the bottle is put down to allow an arm to snake freely around her middle, to draw her closer, to drink champagne first from his glass, then from her mouth. Seokjin looks down, the familiar sting in his chest peaking. Oh, what he wouldn’t give to be in her place, to be the one laughing in his arms, offering champagne on his lips. He shakes his head. Enough. Huffing, he repositions his hands on the branch and feels out the familiar route down the tree with his feet. He chances one last glance at the couple before the wall cuts off his view, but they are already gone.
With heavy heart and heavy steps he makes his way to the garage. It’s so dumb. Stupid. Silly. He’s such a fool. He’s been a dumb stupid silly fool for stupid five bloody dumb years now and still going strong. He heaves another sigh, kicks a pebble, buries his hands in the depths of his overalls’ pockets.
“Seokjin-hyung.” He straightens his shoulders and lifts his head at the call. Namjoon strides towards him while loosening the tie around his neck, jacket unbuttoned, chauffeur hat in one hand.
He nods at him, “Have you just come home? Aren’t they all at the party?”
Namjoon shrugs. “The old man. Some business or other. Done for the night, though.” He frowns at Seokjin. “You alright? What’s up?” Seokjin forces a smile. Easy, after years of practice. Namjoon steps closer, eyes wandering up to his hairline. He picks a leaf from Seokjin’s head and sighs, “have you been stalking again?”
“No?” Wide-eyed Seokjin tries for an innocent, unaffected look. He obviously fails as his brother answers with pity in his eyes, with worry in the line of his mouth and suddenly, he loses all the energy that’s kept his composure. He slumps his shoulders, drops his gaze, shuffles his feet, can’t think up anything to say, to divert from this particular topic, to avoid the sharp observation of this particular brother.
Another sigh. “Hyung, this is getting to you.” He squeezes the back of Seokjin’s neck, makes him look at Namjoon. Gently, with soft eyes and worry colouring his voice he says, “this needs to end, hyung.” He parts his lips but remains silent as they keep looking at each other. Namjoon sighs, again, as he does so often in his presence nowadays, gives a fleeting smile and throws his arm around his shoulder. “Come on. Jeongguk is waiting.” Together, they walk up the lane then up the stairs to the apartment above the garage.
They are greeted by Jeongguk’s sweet smile and the smell of, what else, when it’s his littlest brother’s turn to make dinner, ramen in the air. Warm and cosy, that’s their home. And an empty chair they haven’t had the heart to push away from the table, yet, even nearly two years after their father’s death. Now, home is the three of them, a kid still in school and two wannabe adults sharing and trying to fill the chauffeur’s suit and mechanic’s overalls that used to be their father’s.
Home is this apartment above the garage of the grand Jung estate, warm beds above Old-timers and Aston Martins, windows with perfect view of the luxurious mansion by the shore. Home is the smell of the ocean, the taste of salt and the sound of Busan’s seagulls but also the fading smell of his father’s cologne, the feel of shoes too big to fill.
It’s a heartthrob a building away, a world apart, with sparkling brown eyes and the brightest smile of mankind. It’s the bittersweet taste of hopeless yearning, of heartaches that scab and get ripped open again when he can’t help following a certain bubbling laughter, yet again, and watch him pour champagne for someone who’s not him, when he wants his dad’s comfort but sees only his empty chair.
Home is the stifling air despite the fresh breeze from the sea, the restlessness of wanting more when he should be happy and grateful for the roof above his head and the safe life he and his brothers are having. Most of the time, home is love and warmth and contentment. Sometimes, like tonight, it’s not enough, and like Namjoon says, it’s getting to him.
“Where-“, Seokjin murmurs, lying under the car, hand feeling for the pliers that he one hundred percent laid down to his right but aren’t there anymore. “Where where where-“
He hears footsteps and suddenly, the pliers lie heavy in his hand. “Oh, there.” He turns his head and catches a glimpse of polished shoes. “Thanks!”, he calls out, quickly fastening the screw and then shuffling forward on his creeper getting out from under the car.
His eyes meet dark honey orbs framed by stylish glasses. Maybe he is trying for a stern accountant’s look, with a turtleneck beneath the designer suit and kempt hair, half of his forehead on display revealing sharp eyebrows. Or maybe he feels cold when it’s nearly 25°C, who knows.
Jung Hoseok’s older half brother, his polar opposite in everything. Where Hoseok is a fountain of joy and laughter and lives life to the fullest his brother cloaks himself in subdued colours, in work and business, keeps quiet and buries his head in numbers and books and rarely manages to turn his lips up in a smile. If Hoseok is the sun, bright and hot, his brother is the pale moon, cool and clouded in mystery. Nevertheless, he recognizes the smile in those eyes even without the actual lift of the corners of the mouth.
“Yoongi-ssi.” Min Yoongi holds out a hand to him.
“How’s my baby?”
Seokjin grins and grabs the offered limb, “she’s as good as new. Are you here for a ride?”
He nearly bounces on his feet when he’s pulled up. Yoongi is stronger than he seems.
“I was hoping to.”
“Go on, I just finished.”
“Thanks.” There’s a pause. Seokjin lets go of his hand.
Yoongi’s eyes flicker from his as he points at a spot on his cheek. “You have a smudge on your-“
Seokjin rolls his eyes and starts rubbing the spot. “Oh, when have I not.”
“Yoongi-hyung!” Seokjin’s eyes widen as his heart skips a beat. Hastily, he bends down to the side mirror of the black Aston Martin and scrubs his cheek harder. Oh no, it’s oil.
“YOONGI! HYUNG HYUNG, WHERE- ah, there you are!” Hoseok bounces towards them, flashing his trademark heart shaped grin and twinkling eyes that his sunglasses can never hide. Unlike his brother, he is dressed according to the weather covered in light silky fabric with colourful patterns and short sleeves. God, his arms. Seokjin cradles his cheek to hide the smudge and straightens. He’s sweating in his overalls. It’s a hot day.
“Ho-Hoseok-ssi-“ Seokjin stammers with burning ears and hammering heart.
Hoseok flashes a gorgeous smile at him and waves in greeting. “Hello!” Then he turns towards Yoongi and starts talking. There and gone again, but it was blinding and his stomach is doing summersaults in the aftermath. He watches him talk without taking in any of the words, mesmerized at the close-up of one Sunnyboy Hoseok. And then he is winking at him, Seokjin’s going to die, and then he’s gone. Seokjin blinks, hand still plastered to his face.
Someone clears his throat. He startles, surprised to see Yoongi who regards him with a tilt to his head. “Can I?” He gestures at the car.
“Oh, sure. Sorry.”
“Thanks.”
Stupid. Stupid. Fool, fool, fool. He’s such a fool. He hasn’t felt this shitty in forever.
“Oh, ah- Hoseok mh-“
“Yeah, baby, you’re so hot, fuck-“
Seokjin steps on the gas when the next traffic light turns to yellow. In the end, he drives through a red light but hell if he cares, it’s dark and the streets are empty. He’s not going to spend a moment longer in this darn car than necessary. Two stops at prior red lights have been enough.
“Hah, God-“
His ears are burning as the air fills with more moans and gasps and kissing sounds. Gripping the wheel he feels himself getting an awkward boner despite it all. Stupid. He hates his life.
Finally, finally, they draw up by the mansion. Quickly, he gets out and opens the back door. He stares straight ahead waiting for Hoseok and company to disentangle themselves long enough to step out. They do so soundly, hands wandering, groping, eliciting further gasps and squeaks and giggles while stumbling out. It’s humiliating, he can’t look at them. The worst is that it’s not the first time this has happened. It’s not the second time, nor the third. There’s a reason why he prefers the overalls and leaves driving mostly to Namjoon.
He closes the door and drives to the garage. Inside, he kills the engine and just drops his head onto the wheel. Again and again.
Someone knocks on the window. Through the glass he hears the muted voice of his brother. “Hyung? What are you doing?”
Resting his head on the wheel he closes his eyes. “Killing myself.”
“…There are more foolproof ways to die in a car, you know.”
“Joon-ah, don’t get smart with a dying man. Let me go in peace.” Namjoon huffs. At last, he lets his brother drag him out of the car and up the stairs whining all the while.
“Seokjin-hyung, we need to talk.”
“Hm?” Seokjin looks up from his book to see his two brothers staring at him with serious expressions. His mouth drops open, a hundred scenarios flashing through his mind as to why they’d need to talk with grave looks like that.
“Is everything alright? Oh God, did they throw Jeongguk out of school? Joon-ah, did you break something expensive? I told you to keep your trips to the museums to a minimum! Oh God, it-“
“Hyung! No-“
“-was a squirrel in the oven , wasn’t it? That’s so terrible-“
“Hyung, I got my driver’s license.”
“Poor squ- you what?” Jeongguk grins with bunny teeth, broad and proud, his eyes forming crescents. “I got my license, now I can help chauffeuring, too!”
Seokjin is speechless, his eyes flickering between Jeongguk’s happy grin and Namjoon’s dimpled smile and watchful eyes assessing his reaction.
“You- you did it secretly? You-“ He points at Namjoon. “You knew? I- how did you pay it, I never noticed- when?”
“After school, and you’re so busy it wasn’t hard to hide-“ His words sting. He doesn’t want his baby brother to feel the need to hide things from him. He knows he can always count on his support. This, though…
“Guk-ah, we’ve talked about this, I don’t want you to work while being in school-“, he frowns at Namjoon, “you endorse this?” Jeongguk sniffs rolling his eyes, “Hyung-“
Namjoon takes a seat next to Seokjin and smiles, “yeah, I do. He’s a big guy, now. Having a license is useful. And Guk-ah wanted to do this and you know how stubborn he is. I trust him to do well in balancing school and work. Have faith.”
Seokjin swallows. Since when are his brothers so mature? “But… Namjoon, you and I, we are doing fine with work…”
Namjoon’s smile drops from his face. “That’s the thing, hyung, we’re not fine. You’re not fine. You spend so much time in the garage it’s like you’re hiding and when you’re driving you come home with…” Seokjin averts his eyes. Namjoon’s hand closes around his. “You’re sad, Seokjin, more often than not, and, you’re getting worse, and. It hurts to see you like this and we want to help.”
“Yeah, we’re three,” Jeongguk chimes in, “you don’t have to take care of us all the time, we can care for you, too, for a change, that’s what brothers do, caring for each other. I want you to be happy, too.”
He sees the big sad eyes of his brother and feels a lump building in his throat. He didn’t know that his mood has affected them so much as of late. He didn’t see. Blinking against the wetness in his eyes he says, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry to make you worry.”
Namjoon squeezes his hand. “We can’t help it, worrying about each other is what brothers do, as well.” Especially if they only have themselves and no parents who watch over them.
A tear runs down his face. He chokes out, “I miss Appa.”
Namjoon brushes his tears away tenderly. “I know. I know. I miss him, too. It’s not just that, though, is it?”
Blinking against the mist he sees his knowing stare. He thinks of sparkling brown eyes and heart shaped smiles, of bright laughter in the distance while he scrapes his knees against rough bark, of the sound of kissing in the backseat drowned only by the sound of his breaking heart. Of all those nights that chip at his bittersweet dreams so that they lose the sweet coating and leave only bitterness.
“We have a plan, hyung!” Jeongguk exclaims, drawing his attention back to him. “You remember cousin Tae? Well, we talked to him and he was immediately on board with the plan and is excited to have you stay at his place for as long as you want! He’s-“
“Hold on, hold on, what? What plan what? Stay where? Tae as in Taehyung?” He stares between them with wide eyes, confused.
“You’re going to Seoul, Seokjin! Take a break, study or chill or do whatever you want in Seoul!” Jeongguk claps his hands excitedly in tiny, bright eyes focused on him, waiting for his response. He parts his lips to protest but before he can get a word in edgeways Namjoon cuts in, “before you draw up a hundred reasons to not go. One,“ he holds up a finger, “Guk-ah and I will handle things here, now, that he has a license, too. Two, Seoul was your plan all along, before- before dad got sick, so. I know some part of you surely wants to go. And three,” he looks sternly at Seokjin, “it’s time to take care of yourself. The last two years have been rough and you need a break. And sometimes, you have to leave home for a while to find peace and happiness. Okay?”
Taking a break, distance himself from his troubles in Busan, leaving his beloved brothers to fend for themselves. Wouldn’t that be running away? But Seoul was a dream of his, once, before it died along with his father. Hoseok was- is- a dream of his, but it is dying, too, with every passing day, with every champagne shared with someone new in the pool house. Dreams die because of circumstances; can’t they be revived as well by the same? He finds himself wanting to try. It’s not really running away if he’s running towards something, right? Have faith.
He smiles at his brothers, wipes away the last tears. Seeing the change in their hyung, both of them heave a sigh of relief, grinning from ear to ear and sharing proud glances between each other. Thinking of, it was probably not easy for them to talk to him about this, to make him see their point. It warms his heart. He has the best brothers in the world and loves them more than anything.
He smacks his thighs when he gets up, “well, this calls for lamb-skewers, if you ask me. We need to celebrate baby Jeongguk getting a license!” His brother scowls, “Don’t call me a baby! I’m grown-up and working!” Namjoon and Seokjin start laughing while Jeongguk fights to keep the frown on his face and fails.
Two weeks later, he is loading his luggage into the car, excited and scared of the adventure before him but determined to go through with it.
“Are you leaving?”
He peeks over his shoulder and sees Yoongi standing at the entrance of the garage.
“Oh, hey, Yoongi-ssi.” He smiles at him, but today the frown remains on Yoongi’s face, eyes and lips untouched by his usual secret smile even if they soften as they focus on him.
He nudges his bags and tries to fit more into the backseat. “Yeah, yeah I’m leaving.”
“Where to? For how long? ”
“Seoul. And- for a while.”
Yoongi tilts his head, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his pants. “Taking a vacation?”
He shrugs, unsure how to answer. He doesn’t know what he’s setting out to find. Respite? Yes, but maybe something more. A different profession, a different, better life that appeals to him. A new beginning. He meets Yoongi’s eyes who considers him.
“Are you going to come back?”
His eyes widen. “Of course, this is home. My brothers are here.” There’s the secret smile. “Good. I don’t trust anyone else with my baby, you know.”
Seokjin laughs. “You’ll have to make do with Namjoon. He’s pretty good, you know. In theory.”
“In theory”, Yoongi repeats drily, “Might I remind you that we’re neighbours since childhood and I’ve seen unbreakable things break in his hands?” Seokjin snorts. It’s true, his brother is a menace with an encyclopaedic knowledge but bad execution skills. Yoongi huffs, “Maybe I should take up a manual and do the repairs myself until you come back.”
Seokjin laughs again. “That I have to see. Prodigy CEO Min Yoongi rolling up the sleeves of his designer shirt getting all greasy beneath a car.”
“Watch me.”
He grins. “I’m going to miss the cars.”
“Good. So you’ll have to come back.”
“Yeah.”
When he leaves it’s with a laughing and a crying eye. In the rear view mirror he sees the gates of the Jung Estate closing, sees the mansion moving further and further away. He’ll miss his brothers dearly but a thrill tingles through his body as he slowly realizes that for the first time in his life, he gets to do this for himself, gets the luxury of leaving his troubles behind, to reorientate, to focus on himself and his wants. To take the time to figure out what he wants in the first place. What he wants…
Twinkling eyes and a bright smile, a laugh that bubbles like champagne itself. He’s like sand in your pockets after a day on the beach. You brush it off and believe you’re rid of it only to find it in the most inconvenient places.
The taste of the ocean lingers long after he has left Busan.