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Lights were dim, temperature was cold. People’s chattering filled Younghoon’s ears. He looked down at the martini glass in his hand. The man wiped it slowly, as careful as he can.
A woman with red lipstick came up to him and sit in front of him, asking for sherry. Younghoon smiled at her, and served her right away. The woman tells him stories about her newly bought purse. The colour’s bright pink with pretty glitters on it.
Being a bartender, he listened to people a lot. Moreover when they sat in front of him, as if they already planned to chat with him. Younghoon always smiled at them, hearing whatever they would say. Some told him about their day, some bragged to him about their work. The tipsy ones sometimes told him secrets that she should’ve tell anyone. Younghoon didn’t pay attention to what they’re saying though, except one person.
It'll be 11pm soon, and that person would come in his oversized fluffy jacket, when he took off the jacket, he’d wear a long sleeves shirt.
Younghoon listened to the woman as he stole a glance to the bar's door. Sherry inside her glass disappeared in just few sip. She left the bar, giving some tips for Younghoon. He smiled seeing the money.
He slipped the money inside his black shirt’s pocket below the black vest. He brushed his comma hair backwards with his lean fingers. Not to be cocky, but he knows he’s good looking. His face is literally a gift from god, not to mention his nose bridge. Beautiful.
His face get him tipped a lot, thanks god, cause he need those chips in.
The bar’s door opened, and there he is. The sweet looking man with his oversized fluffy jacket. Younghoon can’t help but to smile at him.
Ji Changmin.
Changmin went to the bar so often that Younghoon felt like he’s not just 'a customer'. He’s part of his nights in the bar. Changmin would drink so much but not getting as drunk as the others. Younghoon noticed how good he is in drinking, it made him interested with the latter.
He got a boyfriend, though.
A rich one, if Younghoon not mistaken. Changmin once told him that he’s glad his boyfriend is on a trip to another country for a few days. Changmin told him that he was so happy that he joked that he’ll buy cakes and celebrate it. That was weird, but Younghoon didn’t ask further.
Changmin sat in front of him and greeted him cheekily, “Good evening, Younghoon. How was your day?”
“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you?” Younghoon chuckled hearing him. “My day feels complete by seeing you to the bar, thanks for asking.”
“Oh, I was so sure you miss me so I came,” Changmin giggled as he took off his jacket and gently put it on his thighs. “Can I have gin, oh also- have it up, please.”
Younghoon nodded as he looked around the rack to find where he placed the alcohol. The bottle wasn’t hard to find since Changmin asked for gin a lot. The bartender put the bottle on the counter and proceed to grab his martini shaker and put some ice inside.
Changmin seemed satisfied with the gin Younghoon served. He heave a long sigh after a sip, eyes looking at Younghoon. His eyes. Younghoon had always have a thing for his eyes. It’s round, pretty, dreamy, and the way his eyes looked at him- enough to make him shiver.
The lean finger of Changmin wiped his own sweet looking lips slowly. He looked at Younghoon, “Is it just me but this bar feels kind of hot? It’s not like the usual?”
“Sorry, some of the air conditioner are broken hours ago, we’ve contacted a repairman to fix it before tomorrow's bar opening,” Younghoon pointed at the air conditioner. “We’re deeply sorry.”
Changmin shook his head and said okay, but Younghoon noticed how Changmin wipe his sweat from his neck.
“You can roll your sleeves up, if you want to-“
“NO!!”
Everyone in the bar stared at both of them. Younghoon froze in his place as Changmin screamed and hugged himself, wrapping his body with his tiny arms. Younghoon was surprised, the screaming one seems startled either. Changmin looked down, arms still hugging himself.
“I-I'm sorry.”
“No, I apologize, it’s my fault,” Younghoon bowed a little. No matter how close they are, Changmin is the king here. He’s the customer. Younghoon made a mental note, never ask Changmin to roll up his sleeve. Never again.
He glanced at Changmin who’s sipping his gin again.
But why?
This was his first time to see someone screaming about rolling up sleeve. Younghoon have lots of questions in his head but then he sighed and quickly force himself to forget. People have secrets and their despised things, maybe Changmin hates to roll his sleeve. Just like that. Younghoon shouldn’t interfere and ask anything. He’s just a bartender whom Changmin always see almost every night.
.
.
The next five day Changmin didn’t come at all to the bar. That was kind of unusual, but Younghoon didn’t mind. He’s busy, maybe. Spending too much on alcohol isn’t good anyway. Though Younghoon works in a bar, though more customers means more tips, it’s concerning to see a customer who come everyday. Especially when they just sit to drink, not chatting, and looked sad.
On the sixth day, Younghoon glanced at the clock. It’s right on the time where Cinderella had to go from the ball. The bar will close in an hour. The bar’s getting colder after midnight. The conversation from days ago crossed his mind.
About Changmin and the rolled up sleeves.
Clock’s ticking, forty five minutes pass, almost everyone has left the bar. Some of the staff are starting to clean the place. Younghoon started to clean up his counter either.
It was just 10 minutes left until the bar closed, but someone came. He wore an oversized fluffy jacket.
“Changmin-”
“Is it ok if I sit here without buying anything? I don’t bring my money and phone.”
“It’s okay, I guess. We’ll close in ten minutes anyway.”
Younghoon eyed Changmin. The latter was smiling weakly. He was barefaced, but still beautiful as ever. Changmin didn’t take off his jacket today as he sat in front of Younghoon. Probably because the bar’s cold, Changmin hugged himself.
The bartender's mind wander as he continue wiping the counter. Why is Changmin coming to the bar if he doesn’t bring anything? Not even money. Was he walking all the way to the bar? He couldn’t have taken a cab since he doesn’t bring money. Younghoon never knew where Changmin’s home is, so he only wonder. He glanced again at the latter.
Younghoon could sense Changmin isn’t okay. He clearly isn’t. Changmin didn’t talk at all. He nervously glance at the clock, most of the time his eyes look like they’re going to burst crying.
“Changmin, we’ll be closing soon, sorry,” Younghoon carefully worded his sentence. The staffs are now looking at him, relying him to make Changmin go from the bar. They can’t lock the bar with a customer inside, right?
“O-oh, yeah,” Changmin stood up. He bowed a little for making inconvenience for the staffs. The lean man went out of the bar. The staffs are asking Younghoon why would he come at this hour, it’s not the usual time for him to come. Younghoon could only shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.
They cleaned up quick and close the bar. Younghoon had changed his clothes into a comfortable hoodie and jeans when he walked out of the bar. He was about to went home until he saw Changmin standing in front of the bar. He didn’t say anything, Changmin only stood there in silence, staring at the road as cold wind tickles his neck.
“Time to go home. It's 1am.”
Changmin was startled, he immediately turned his head and looked at Younghoon. He bit his lips before whispering, “I don’t want to go home...”
Younghoon furrowed his brows. There must be something. He hesitated to go home. Changmin is pretty stubborn, if he left him here, Changmin could spend the entire night standing outside the bar. Something could’ve happened to Changmin. “Want to come with me? My bed is too big for one person, or um, I can sleep on the sofa.”
Great. He now asked Changmin to come over his place. To sleep below the same roof with him. They're just a bartender and a customer. They never really questioned what their relationship is until today. Are they friends? They talk a lot though. But is it enough? Do they thought of the other as a friend? Does Changmin thought of Younghoon as someone special just like Younghoon thought of Changmin?
Younghoon nervously waited for answer. Changmin really took time with his word. They stared at each other. The cold wind blows again, and Changmin finally nodded and smiled softly.
“Please.”
.
.
“You’re okay with sleeping at my place?”
“Why not...? I don’t want to go home anyway...” Changmin sighed, he seems to hate his home so much. His face always gloomed when they talk about it. Younghoon felt like something is wrong, so he tried to ask more questions.
“Where do you live?”
“I live with my boyfriend.”
“Really.”
Fail. They stopped talking after that. Younghoon was run out of question after Changmin told him that he lives with his boyfriend. He's used to by listening and not asking questions, he did that everyday in the bar.
The bartender’s home wasn’t that far from the bar. In just minutes, they already standing in front of Younghoon’s front door. Younghoon took his key from his jeans pocket, “Your boyfriend won’t search for you?”
“He’s not home at the moment, so, he won’t.”
Younghoon unlocked his front door and went inside, followed by Changmin. When the door's closed, he told Changmin to be comfortable. The bartender took off his hoodie and walked to his bedroom to hang it.
Changmin awkwardly sat on the sofa. He looked around the living room. Younghoon's living room was prettily decorated with simple paintings and pictures. The rack beside TV filled with books grab his attention. Changmin wonders whether Younghoon read in his free time. There are a lot of roman books, he smiled. He started to relax a little as he leaned back to the sofa.
Younghoon went back to the living room, “Do you want me to make you something?”
“No, no, it’s okay,” Changmin shook his head. Younghoon glanced on the clock, it’s time to sleep. He sat on the sofa, beside Changmin.
“I've prepared my bed for you, I’ll sleep on the sofa. You can be comfortable around me. You’re not going to sleep in that jacket, right? You can put the jacket on the table there.”
Changmin went silent before he laugh weakly, “Oh right...”
The bartender noticed how Changmin hesitated, but the latter finally got up. He held his jacket and took it off slowly. Younghoon didn’t mean to stare at Changmin, but the way Changmin trembled while taking it off- Younghoon can’t help but to worry.
Younghoon’s heart dropped to his stomach. He blinked a few times to make sure what he saw was real. He prayed that it’s just his imagination.
Purplish, some red.
Changmin’s arms were full of bruises.
“Hideous, I know,” Changmin whispered. He looked down at his arms. “I’m sorry you had to see this, I didn’t wore long sleeves-“
“No,” Younghoon jumped out of the sofa and took Changmin’s hand in his. He carefully tried to make the latter face him. “Who did this to you?”
Younghoon didn’t receive an answer right away.
“Changmin...”
“My boyfriend did,” Changmin pulled his hand from Younghoon's. He looked up, lips curled up. He wasn’t smiling. Changmin tried. But he was trembling, eyes water as his lips move to speak.
Speechless. Younghoon reached for the latter’s body and hugged him, tightly. His heart ache so bad as he felt Changmin was shaking in his hug. Younghoon patted on Changmin’s back.
The bartender wondered what he should say at this time. He couldn’t just force Changmin to break up and leave his boyfriend- he would’ve left if he could.
“Have you treated them?”
“Ah, I only iced them...”
Younghoon bit his lips and release the hug, he pulled Changmin. The lean man followed Younghoon to the bedroom. Changmin didn’t say anything as his hands were pulled by Younghoon. He noticed on how Younghoon always held him carefully and softly, as if he’s a the most precious person in the world. It made him slightly warm inside.
Changmin sat on the bed just as Younghoon told him. He looked around the chic looking bedroom meanwhile Younghoon searched for something on his desk.
“Found it,” Younghoon brought an arnica ointment to Changmin, he showed it to the latter. Younghoon sat beside Changmin and opened the ointment tube. “May I?”
“What’s that?”
“An ointment that’ll reduce pain, swelling, and discoloration from bruises...” Younghoon smiled to Changmin. The latter smiled back sweetly, mouthing 'thank you' when the bartender applied the ointment softly on his bruises.
“Why do you have this- the ointment?”
“Working in bar means getting random punches from drunk guys,” Younghoon answered. “Happened for few times already. Happened rarely though, but just in case, I bought this.”
“I see, maybe I should buy it either.” Changmin smiled. His pretty eyes are looking at the bartender. Younghoon was torn inside. Those dreamy eyes that Younghoon had always adore, they must’ve cried so much.
He never noticed, how idiot. Younghoon continued applying the ointment on Changmin’s arms. His heart broke each time he applies it. Changmin whined when he accidentally held the latter’s arm too hard. Most of the bruises aren’t healed yet.
“My boyfriend...”
“Yeah?”
“He wasn’t like this when we started dating,” Changmin mumbled. “He was sweet, though he often get mad at me. I should’ve realize that was a red flag. Yet I brush it off and continued the relationship for years.”
Younghoon listened to Changmin. He finished with the arms, Changmin took his shirt off and let Younghoon apply more on the back. Younghoon hitched seeing more bruises on Changmin’s back, he almost cried.
“I didn’t know he's abusive until we live together,” Changmin muttered under his breath. “He eventually started hitting me..., never on my face though. I guess because it’ll be so visible and people around me would notice. I felt miserable and not worthy, but I thought, if I hold on for a while, I could change him. Well, it was a mistake. I can’t change him. Was it my fault?”
“It’s not your fault..., some people can’t really change.”
“I loved him. Now I'm just- scared.”
Younghoon closed the ointment tube and gave a pat on Changmin’s shoulder, gesturing that he’s done applying. Changmin grabbed his shirt, looking at it before putting it on.
“Younghoon.”
“Yes?”
“Does Neverland exist?”
There was a brief silence between them. Younghoon paused. The bartender gasped as he remember that it was from a fairy tale that his parents used to tell him. Younghoon wondered, is there a real-life Neverland?
Younghoon finally asked back, “Isn’t it from fairy tale?”
Changmin gazed at him before sighing, “If Neverland does exist, I’d love to go there. I'll forever be a lost boy, I want to be happy.”
The lean boy looked down. Younghoon nodded hearing Changmin. He secretly wishes for Changmin to be happy either. “Does anyone know about this...?”
“About what?”
“The bruises,” Younghoon spoke softly, scared to triggers Changmin.
“No one knows,” Changmin whispered. “I cut ties with all of my friends. I don’t have friends, at all. You’re the only person I talk with...”
“Why...”
“I have to,” Changmin forced himself to smile. “What if my boyfriend harm them too? He threatened me for not telling them about these bruises. This is the only thing I could do to protect my friends...”
Younghoon furrowed his brows, feeling bad for the latter. To see how Changmin still smiling after telling everything, his heart broke for the nth times. “How are you so strong?”
“Mm?”
“You’re smiling...”
“I don’t want to cry,” Changmin chewed his lips. “If I do, I can’t stop.”
“Isn’t it hard?” Younghoon stared at Changmin’s wavering eyes. He knows Changmin had tried not to cry all the time he told him about his boyfriend. The bartender cupped Changmin’s soft cheeks. “It’s okay to cry, you’ve been so strong all this time. It hurts, right?”
Changmin closed his eyes, feeling Younghoon’s fingers on his cheeks. When he opened them, tears start to fell onto the bartender’s fingers. Changmin whines, “I told you I can’t stop if I really cry.”
“It’s okay,” Younghoon shushed Changmin who’s already crying. He brought Changmin’s face closer to his chest, letting the latter to cry on him, whispering, “I’ll wipe those for you.”
Changmin sobbed harder, “I feel like I'm the most hideous person on earth each time I look into the mirror,” Changmin sniffled in between his crying. “Everyday I wishes to disappear, I wanted to die when he hit me or kicked me. It hurts.”
Younghoon hugged Changmin and plant soft kisses on his locks. Eyes closed, cause he felt like crying either.
“When one bruise is healed, another one will form. There’s no point on treating them, he’ll keep hitting me for the simplest mistake I make,” Changmin wiped his tears. He rest his head on Younghoon’s chest. “I hate being home, I want to runaway but I'm scared..., I'm terrified of him. But what if he kills me?”
Younghoon rubbed Changmin’s back. The latter coughed from talking in between his crying.
“My life is hell, but I'm glad I met you,” Changmin tears fell again. “He doesn’t know the bar, he won’t find me. The only time I feel peace is when I'm in the bar, drinking and talking to you. Since I don’t have any friends, being able to talk with you... I’m really thankful.”
Younghoon hugged the latter tighter, he whispered in Changmin’s ear. “I’m so sorry to hear about these. I really want you to be happy...”
“God must’ve thought that I don’t deserve happiness.”
“I wish you know that you’re the most captivating person I’ve ever met,” Younghoon pulled from the hug, he cupped Changmin’s face again. “You’re beautiful, please don’t try to think that you’re hideous. You’re an amazing person, you’re strong. You’ve been through so much but you’re still smiling. All I want is you to be happy. You deserve to be happy.”
Changmin didn’t answer. Instead he looked down, and cried some more. The room was filled by his crying and sniffles, Younghoon’s shirt was wet from the tears. Changmin’s eyes were red, just like his nose.
That day, Younghoon held Changmin in his arm all night before both collapsed on the bed. Sleeping because they feel dizzy and tired from crying. They hugged each other through the night.
That was the last time Younghoon saw Changmin.
.
.
Younghoon never saw Changmin again for three months. Honestly, something could’ve happened. He was dumb to forget asking about Changmin’s address, or number. Changmin never come to the bar again. The only thing that relieved him was that one of the bar staff told him that she saw Changmin buying food in a grocery store.
But that was two weeks ago.
How is he now?
Younghoon secretly hopes that Changmin would show up at the bar, ordering gin like the usual, and sipped it in front of him while telling him where was he for months. Changmin is part of his nights in the bar, he can’t help but to feel something’s off whenever Changmin’s not there.
Younghoon missed him. So much.
Today too, he nervously looked at the clock. It’ll be 11pm soon. Usually, he'd show up with his fluffy jacket. Now the usual term had changed. He used to.
Sigh left Younghoon’s lungs when 11pm passed. Changmin won’t come. Disappointed, not gonna lie. Younghoon didn’t even feel happy receiving tips from customers. It’s been three months, he had endured this long. He couldn’t get Changmin off his mind. Today he just missed him a lot. Like- A LOT.
The bar's finally closed. It took longer to clean up the bar since the staff accidentally broke a glass. He walked home alone, face covered in mask because he need to be careful with dusts. Though he wore a hoodie, the night's wind is still too cold for him. He walked faster.
It must be almost 2am for now. Younghoon opened his mask as he noticed something in front of his front door. Younghoon almost got heart attack when it moved, making noise. He cautiously looked from afar, scared that it might be a thief.
Younghoon walked closer and gasped when the suspicious thing's eyes looked back at him. “Changmin?”
The latter wore a mask, hiding his nose and mouth. Younghoon recognized him from his fluffy jacket- and eyes. Those pretty eyes that Younghoon will never be able to forget. Changmin mumbled behind his mask, “Younghoon...”
“I'm here. Are you okay? Look at me.”
Younghoon held Changmin’s hand, trying to calm the other. Changmin was trembling as he took off his mask. The bartender gritted his teeth seeing Changmin’s lips corner. The latter’s bleeding.
“Let’s get inside,” Younghoon pulled Changmin immediately. He didn’t waste time to make Changmin sat down on his sofa and grab his first aid kit.
“It’s just a small wound, you don’t need to-”
“No, Changmin-” Younghoon opened the kit bag in panic. Younghoon cupped Changmin’s cheeks and turn his head to check on the lips corner.
“Younghoon!” Changmin screamed, he pushed Younghoon’s hand. Changmin furrowed his brows, barely screaming, “This is okay. Take a breath, you seem more panicked than me.”
Younghoon looked down, chewing his lips, “Sorry.”
The lean man took Younghoon’s hand in his. They went silent for a while. Clock’s ticking is the only thing that both their ears could hear. Changmin hesitated before finally murmured, “I ran away.”
The bartender looked at their holding hands. He squeezed the latter’s hand softly and nodding. Changmin's voice was slightly hoarse, Younghoon pulled him into a warm hug.
“I can’t take it anymore,” Changmin whispered. “He was hitting me and I thought, I want to be happy. I want to go far away from him, maybe ran to Neverland-”
“Neverland...”
“Neverland doesn’t exist, but you do. You’re the only one I could think of,” Changmin held tight onto Younghoon. He sobbed, “I feel safe around you, I'm sorry...”
“Don’t be sorry,” Younghoon rubbed Changmin’s back. “I’m glad you feel safe around me. But where were you these past months? I was worried sick...”
Changmin wiped his streaming tears, “He was really mad when I came home the next morning after that night. I thought he’d still asleep, but he waited for me right behind the front door. I was beaten up, then he keep on following me everywhere to make sure I didn’t told anyone about what he did. I purposely avoid going to the bar because- I can’t risk him knowing that place and you-”
Changmin stopped talking and sobbed more, he buried his face on Younghoon’s shoulder. “Changmin...”
“I don’t want you to get hurt either.” Changmin cried, “I really thought to stop seeing you forever. I need to stop involving you in my problem. But I missed you so much..., I missed you so much that it hurts...”
Younghoon patted Changmin’s fluffy locks.
“I'm so selfish for wanting to meet you, for wanting to be here. Maybe I shouldn’t? Oh god, I have to leave before he’s coming after you too-”
“Don’t!” Younghoon pulled Changmin who was getting up from the sofa, probably thinking to get back home. “Let’s talk about this.”
Changmin plopped back to the sofa. He's still wiping his tears with the tissues Younghoon offered him. The bartender took a glass of water for Changmin to drink. It’ll make him at least calmer.
“Changmin, don’t get back there ever again. You can stay here as long as you want,” Younghoon helped Changmin to wipe off the tears.
“But-”
“Please stay.”
Changmin’s eyes waver, “I want to, but I need my belongings. I need to get back there. My cards, my documents, my money...”
Younghoon tilted his head to think for a while. Going back there could mean more harm for them. Changmin chewed his lips, waiting. When Younghoon finally mouthed 'ah right' and reached for his phone, Changmin felt relieved. But Younghoon stopped. The bartender gazed at him, “I need your consent.”
“Hng?”
“I’m thinking to call my friend. He’s a great lawyer in this kind of case. I think he’ll know how this things work, we need to sue your boyfriend too. Are you okay with that? You’ll go through some investigation and go to court, but I’m sure you’ll get protection.”
“So- I need to file a law suit?”
“Yes, for domestic abuse...” Younghoon explained carefully. “I’m not gonna force you, I won’t call my friend either if you don’t want to. This is the only thing I could think of...”
Changmin blinked few times. He chewed his lips slowly, and his eyes darted at the floor. “I’m scared. Doesn’t that mean I should fight him alone?”
“You’re not alone,” Younghoon assured Changmin in his sweet voice. “I'm here. If you need me, I'll be here.”
It took long until Changmin finally looked at Younghoon in the eye. “Help me file a lawsuit, please.”
.
.
“You did well, I'm so proud.”
Changmin looked up at the voice. He immediately show his best smile to the person who greeted him. “Younghoon!”
Younghoon seems amused. His face bright to see Changmin’s smile. The smile Changmin made after finishing all the court process was different from how he used to smile. He now smiles with no worries on his shoulder. Younghoon find it cute how Changmin’s lips could make a heart shape by smiling widely.
“It’s all done. It took so long, but it’s done,” Changmin walked with Younghoon towards the court’s gate. “It’s been months, isn’t it?”
“I guess so...,” Younghoon nodded, he patted on Changmin’s hair. Time flew fast. Feels like it was just yesterday Changmin filed the lawsuit, but today, it's all finished. Which means, it’s been months since the latter live with him. Having the Changmin beside him is like a habit now. They spent their time mostly together.
“Should I buy a present for your friend? He's such a great lawyer, he helped me so much!” Changmin tapped on his chin. Younghoon shrugged, it’s up to him for giving presents or not. Changmin crossed his arms in front of his chest, saying he’ll probably buy him present later.
“Let’s have dinner somewhere fancy,” Younghoon checked the time on his watch. He raised one of his eyebrows, waiting for Changmin’s answer.
“Suddenly?”
“To celebrate your win,” Younghoon grinned. “Or maybe you prefer going home? We can order something like pizza or chicken-”
“Oh! I prefer somewhere fancy...”
Younghoon snorted, “I know you’ll pick fancy one rather than pizza.” The bartender nudged Changmin, teasing him.
“Shut up..., we literally just ate pizza two days ago!” Changmin pouted. They walked side by side on the street. Bantering and laughing, just like the usual. Both really got closer in months- probably from living together. Changmin refused to live where he used to, it reminds him with all the pain and struggle from his now ex boyfriend.
The bartender checked the time again. Changmin peeked from side. He admired Younghoon. Meeting him was a blessing, truly gift from God. He wonders, what if he never went to the bar? What if he never met Younghoon? Would he be this strong?
The Neverland he always wanted to live in. The place he wants to call home. A home where he'd feel safe and content.
Younghoon is his Neverland.
Changmin felt warm as he thought of the other, Younghoon made him stronger. He was able to fight with his support. He touched his heated face, realizing his cheeks slowly getting red. “Younghoon.”
“Yeah?” Younghoon turned his head to the latter.
“I think I like you.”
Smile formed on both of their lips. Younghoon stared at the latter who’s shorter than him. The latter looked away, hiding his visibly reddened cheeks. Younghoon nuzzled Changmin’s hair, slightly kissing the locks.
Changmin looked up. They gaze on each other before giggling and continue walking with their hands held, not wanting to let go of each other.