Work Text:
“The broken heart syndrome is a temporary heart condition that's often brought on by stressful situations and extreme emotions, symptoms include the following:
sudden, severe chest pains, shortness of breath, arrhythmia, cardiogenic shock,fainting, low blood pressure and heart failure
in most extreme cases, it can manifest itself through the appearance of flower buds in the lung area.”
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1
Wei WuXian should know, from the first time he coughed, what was happening, it’s not like it was unheard of, people slowly getting ill after being rejected by their loved ones, coughing petals and petals and petals and then entire flowers until they couldn’t breath, until their heartbreak was a collection of bouquets stained with blood and sadness, but the thing is, it happened so fast, one minute a-quin was showing him what had happened to Xiao Xingchen and in the other Song Lan was giving him sad eyes, looking at the single petal on the floor while saying goodbyes.
But at least, he thinks, Lan Wangji didn’t see anything, or else he would definitely know what it was, and even worse, about who it was, and how could he not? when Wei WuXian followed him around like the lovesick fool he was, when he couldn’t stop his compliments to fall out of his mouth, when he looked at Lan Wangji like he was the moon. It’s almost comforting, Wei Wuixan would say, to be doomed to love someone like that, so perfect and righteous that even the ideia of being loved back sounded insane, it makes him more in peace with the situation, knowing that he’ll die by Lan Wangji’s hands in some sort of way, it seems fitting.
Not that he plans on telling anything, it would not be fair, to make his Lan Zhan not only loose him again, but in a way that left room for guilt. Wei WuXian would never want someone else to take the blame for the actions of his own heart, so maybe he should have know sooner what was happening, but it was not like he would change a thing anyway.
2-
After some days, it’s impossible for Wei WuXian to ignore what’s happening, his chest feels heavy all the time, not paralyzing yet, but like an painful reminder of what waits for him, a second death, probably more slow than the last, and yet just as inevitable. He is doing a good job of hiding it,it’s strange but the petals don’t come that often, just when he thinks too much, but with everything that’s happening even that is hard, so he’s safe most of the time.
And then he’s back at the cloud recess and things get trickier. A second person sees it, the white lotus petal slipping out of his mouth with a cough and stained red. Lan Xichen has always given him the benefit of the doubt, Wei WuXian knows that he does it mostly because of his brother but he’s still thankful, so when he enters the room to check on him after Lan Wangji leaves to take a breath and rest a little he doesn’t think is gonna be a problem, they exchange less than three words before it happens: Wei WuXian coughs and the petal is out with his secret.
Lan Xichen’s expression hardens, he does not have his kind eyes anymore, he looks almost mad, as mad as he can look at least, and Wei WuXian doesn’t know what to say for one minute, but it doesn’t matter, because before he can even think about opening his mouth the other man is speaking. “Who? who’s the owner of those petals?”
His voice is hard but Wei WuXian almost doesn’t catch it, he is stuck on the word owner, surely he saw that the petal came out of his mouth , but are they truly his? after all, they’re there as reminder to who Wei WuXian himself belongs to -no, not belongs, devoted himself to, kept himself for- but he understands, he’s just too scared to say it yet, so he doesn’t, not with all words anyway. “Who else could it be?” he asks instead, because honestly, who could it possibly be? “Don’t worry, i won’t tell him, i gain nothing making him worry, i gain nothing for blaming him”
He thinks it’s enough for Lan Xichen to understand but his expression don’t go from hard to relieved, it goes to confused “My brother?” Wei WuXian does not answer that, he doesn’t have to, the other man looks even more confused and he’s about to say something else when the door opens and Lan Wangji is back. there’s sadness on the three pairs of eyes in that room.
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3
After the conversation with Lan Xichen, it feels like Wei Wuxian chest gets heavier, he can’t let Lan Wangji know, can’t be slacking of, so he tries his best not to think about his pain, or the ferver his sure he has, he even feels sleepier, but there's no time, so he takes a deep breaths ignoring the pangs he feels, the flowers must being close to completely bloom now.
At the Burial Mounds the number of people who know increases by one, with his luck, Wei WuXian really should start being more careful. It is almost a relief when he realize that out of all of the juniors who could’ve seen the not so small amount of petals leaving his mouth it was the kind one, Lan Sizhui, he looks sad almost instantly though and it makes Wei WuXian feels guilty somehow, like he was showing to much cruelty to such an young kid. He wonders if the boy is gonna ask who’s the owner of the flowers too, or if he has already figured out. It really can’t be this hard.
The boy just looks down at the flowers, then at Lan Wangji who’s talking with his uncle, and after a minute, Wei Wuxian realizes, that just like Lan Xinchen he looks confused, and almost disappointed. “why would he be disappoint? that would be to odd” it’s what Wei WuXian thinks before asking quietly: “Do not tell anyone about this, it would not be wise to talk about my weakness in front of people we can’t trust.” he does not specify if he’s talking about his physical condition or about his love. The boy nods and replies it would be against the rules anyway, to talk behind someone’s back. It gives Wei Wuxian little to no comfort.
But then he is too busy saving everyone to focus on the unease feeling of someone else knowing, so once more he tries to forget about his broken heart, and just like always, it only works as poorly as you think it would, when there is more then one physical reminder on his body echoing over and over “he does not love me back, he does not love me back”.
he does not love me
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4
It is already hard enough breathing with entire fucking flowers growing and blooming on his fucking chest, but the fine and letal thread Jin Guangyao has around his neck just makes it worse, Wei Wuxian thinks to himself. It is almost comical that that happened when he had just made his mind about telling Lan Wangji about his condition, about the lover’s sickness he carries, he had come to the conclusion that it would be unfair to leave whiteout warning him, it would be cruel to leave without proper goodbyes once again, Lan Wangji deserved the truth, it would be wrong, to not tell his closest friend that he was, once again, doomed by his heart.
But now he doesn’t think he’ll have that long anyway, and there’s a little bit more of angry words being exchanged, there’s the sadness on Lan Xichen’s eyes, the look of a man who was betrayed by someone he trusted deeply, someone he loved deeply, for one second Wei Wuxian wonders if there was other thing instead of brotherhood there, but he doesn’t stay on the thought for long, because suddenly is his brother who’s also there and Wei Wuxian feels the strange urge to laugh, the world really does spin lots.
His laughter is cut short by a quiet cough, he knows petals will spill it out the moment he opens his mouth so he takes advantage of being sitting behind Lan Wangji and turns his face a little bit to the other side, there’s nothing he can do to hide the bloody bouquet from Jiang Cheng so he doesn’t try to, he coughs and cleans his mouth on the inner part of his sleeve as quickly as he can, when Lan Wangji looks at him to ask if he’s okay and he says that his throat was dry and the laughing was a bad idea, the other man doesn’t look convinced but they don’t have much time so he doesn’t argue.
Wei Wuxian chest is heavy but he doesn’t let other petal spill it out, he thinks they’re gonna survive that, the temple and everything else, he makes peace with his brother, or something like it anyway, there’s a lot between them, and maybe Jiang Cheng just doesn’t want to see a sibling dying for the third time with that much hurt, maybe he does feel guilt, Wei Wuxian wish he didn’t.
Lan Wangji looks like he’s trying to give the brothers some privacy, but Wei Wuxian still worries he’s too close to not listen Jiang Cheng calling him a idiot. “Did you tell him? about the flowers? They’re there for him, right?” Wei Wuxian just nods, he looks lost, and his brother looks almost mad when he speaks again “This is just like you, falling for the perfect Hanguang-Jun. You really never learn.”
Wei Wuxian thinks his brother has a strong point.
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5
It is a coward’s move, Wei Wuxian knows, to reveal his secret in a goodbye, and he is not a coward, but he kept making excuses because he doesn’t think he can deal with the rejection he knows he knows, it’s waiting for him, it’s one thing to part ways with Lan Wangji with promises of meeting again, it’s another thing to part ways saying that he is in love, and that it’s killing him, so he’s still debating if he’s brave enough to say something as he’s saying goodbyes, he’s still thinking about it even when they’re already waking in different directions, and the he hears it. “Wei Ying” his name on the voice of the one he loves. He is already smiling when he turns to the sound, and the his breathing stops and there’s a pang in his heart.
Lan Wangji has his perfect neutral expression on, and one single tear running down.
Wei Wuxian coughs, and coughs and coughs, only one petal gets out.
“Was Wei Ying going to tell me?” Lan Wangji asks, he looks sad, he looks betrayed, but Wei Wuxian doesn’t know what to answer. What is Lan Wangji even asking? If Wei Wuxian was going to tell him that he is in love? That he is dying? Or that he is dying because he is so desperately in love with someone who would never love him back in the same way?
“I don’t know.” he replies honestly, there’s no point in lying now. “When did you find out?” because he has to know, he was trying to be careful, he made everything in his power to protect Lan Wangji of the guilt, of the knowledge that Wei Wuxian’s heart was in pain because it loved too much, he has to know when did he screw it up.
“The Burial Mounds” Lan Wangji replies, his face, even with the sad eyes, is still the prettiest Wei Wuxian has ever seen, he’s thinking about this when Lan Wangji breaks the silence again. “Are you going to look for them now? Are you going to try and get better?”
“Ah Lan Zhan, there’s one way of getting better.” he ignores the way out Lan Wangji is giving him asking if he’s going away to meet someone else, since part of the truth is out it’s only fair to lay all cards on the table “and even if it was, i’m sure you know i would not find it going in that direction.”
“I do not understand, of course there's a way. You should change paths if the one you love is on another place.”
It’s the first time Wei Wuxian even considers the idea of Lan Wangji not knowing it’s him right way, he’ll have to spill it out of him.
“Ah Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, it’s not that easy to be loved back, is it? And I don’t think i would be welcomed in the cloud recess again, would i? I know this flowers are yours but i can’t just give them to you.”
“Mine?”
“Ah Lan Zhan, don’t you know it?” Wei Wuxian says and he doesn’t even have to fake how light his voice sounds, he realizes, right there, how much he has wanted to confess, even with fear, saying “I am in love with you, Lan Zhan.” it’s the easiest thing he ever did.
There’s a pause
Lan Wangji looks so confused that all Wei Wuxian can do is laugh, for the first time in days, he chest does not hurts.
“Why is Wei Wing lying?” Lan Wangji asks and Wei Wuxian has to hold back his laughter, because how can Wangji not believe him?
“Why would I lie? Is it this difficult to imagine that Lan Zhan? That I, the man who you stood by is in love with you?”
“But you have a lover’s curse, it’s an unrequited love curse, if I am the cause then your love is not one sided. I’ve loved Wei Ying for quite some time now”
m“You are what?”
“What? Is it that difficult to imagine that I, the man who stood by you loves you back?” it makes sense when he puts it that way, Wei Wuxian thinks to himself, but one doubt remains.
“But the petals, why do i have them?”
“I do not know, but if they really are for me then i don’t want them, they weren’t supposed to grow in the first place.” Lan Wangji says taking steps towards Wei Wuxian, they are face to face now, and his hand touches the other man’s cheek tenderly just before he says. “Wei Ying i love you. Come back with me.”
And this time, Wei Wuxian does.
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+1
They are back at the cloud recess, it’s past nine and Wei Wuxian is laying with his head on Lan Wangji’s chest, during their small travel back to Gusu they had to stop twice due to Wei Wuixan physical condition, they still don’t know why he had the the flowers blooming inside him in the first place, he thinks to himself that once he knew a woman smart enough to figure it out, a doctor capable of the most difficult procedures, but she’s not alive anymore and he doesn’t know where to look, but after the confession the pain in his chest felt more bearable, less crushing, and yet he coughed more flowers than ever before.
“It’s like your body is getting rid of them now that you know they weren’t supposed to grow in the first place.” it’s what Lan Xichen tells him when they explain to him what happened, when they tell him that Wei Wuixan almost fainted coughing, how Lan Wangji had to hold him so he wouldn’t fall. Lan Xichen is still not doing very well after the betrayal he has suffered, but he promises that he will look through some books to see if can find something, both his younger brother and Wei Wuixan are very thankful, but they’re also tired and that’s how they find themselves laying together.
“Lan Zhan? You’re not sleeping, are you?”
“Mn”
“I’m sorry” Wei Wuxian says, he was thinking about apologizing the whole way back, so he continues before Lan Wangji can interrupt him “I know we both say there’s not need of such thing as apologizing between us, but i am sorry, I almost took what I thought would be the easiest way out and it hurt us more than the truth would. I did not want to hurt you. Ever.” he feels Lan Wangji fingers on his hair, feels as the other man takes a deep breath, listen to his steady heartbeat for some minutes before Lan Wangji replies.
“I can understand why you did why you almost did, i think i am a little to blame because I’ve struggled about being more upfront about my feelings, for you specially, for a very long time, I was not ready to lose you the first time it happened and that has not changed, but i think what bothers me more, is how okay you were about going through that by yourself, i understand that you didn’t believe your feelings were mutual, but in the very least i would like for you to confide in me as a friend.”
“Ah Lan Zhan, i was terrified of telling you, especially because i’ve always considered you my friend, my soulmate, but it also always felt like you could go away at any moment, not because i thought you could just leave someone you had as friend behind, but i always felt that i was a burden more than anything. You were always the one who brought light to anywhere you went and I, i’m the opposite, everything i touch, everyone I love, gets destroyed. It never felt fair to ask you anything, it definitely didn’t seem fair to ask for your love.”
“Wei Ying never asks for anything, that’s your biggest flaw, but it is not wrong to rely on the ones you love, that’s something that I took my time learning too, my brother will have to remember this especially now, our, our son looks more comfortable than we could ever be with emotions, he does not shy away from them and i used to believe he had this because of his time with you, now i’m not so sure anymore.”
“You’re just dragging me now Lan Zhan” Wei Wuxian says in a brighter tone, but then he looks up and lands a soft kiss on Lan Wangji lips, just because he wants to, just because he can do that now. “But i get what you’re saying, I promise to be more honest from now own, and I promise that i’m not leaving this time.”
“That’s all i'm asking you.”