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It’s lost.
The butterflies in his stomach that goes crazy when he sees him.
The warmth that he feels from him when he wraps him in a hug.
The love.
The spark.
It was like waking up to gloomy atmosphere outside, with no chirping of the birds.
When did it start getting this worse?
“Akaashi!” he calls, “I made you a cake. Happy Birthday!!” he cheers, rising up the cake and showing it to him.
It was a small round cake with a face of an owl with a party hat on its head.
Accompanied with a lettering “Happy Birthday Akaashi!”.
Of course, the owl is meant to be Akaashi.
He smiles and picks up the cake from Bokuto’s hands.
“Thank you.”
Two words, yet if felt sincere and insincere at the same time.
Bokuto smiled despite Akaashi showing lesser enthusiasm than he expected. He thinks, perhaps, he must be just taken aback and is at loss of words at the moment.
“Alright! Let’s eat it.” Bokuto says to shrug off the fallen atmosphere.
Akaashi nods his head slightly and they both move to the table, where they eat the cake together.
Silence followed as they eat and the longer it stays, the longer it feels excruciating.
So Bokuto spoke.
“Are you alright?”
“Hm?” Akaashi shots his head up, “U-uh yeah.. I’m alright.”
“Are you sure?“
“Yeah.. just feeling...”
Empty.
Uninterested.
Lost.
Weak.
Confused.
He wanted to say.
“A little bit under the weather because I had a bad dream.”
“But it’s your day, Akaashi! Okay, smile now and I’ll try to make you forget about that!”
Yes please... please make me forget about these emptiness...
Remind me of why and how I made it here...
Remind of the feelings I once had, that now seems to be flushed down the drain.
He wanted to say but he could only crack a little smile.