Archive of Our Own

When Robert had decided to get away after Christmas he could have gone somewhere warm. He could have found a beach, white sands filled with beautiful people and free flowing alcohol to wrap up his busiest time of year. It’s what he usually did. It’s what he enjoyed. If only he hadn’t gotten nostalgic one night after a bit too much whiskey and started thinking about his Mum. Missing her was a feeling he was used to, but the holiday season, doing everything without her, it hurt. So he’d started thinking back to their last Christmas together and the next thing he knew he’d forgone crystal clear waters for an isolated cabin in the Dales.

He had a meeting in the new year with some of the network heads at BBC. They wanted fresh blood at the network and Robert Sugden was a name that was synonymous with all things Christmas in Britain. If he played his cards right he’d no longer be a grown up child actor and occasional producer. This could take him to full-time producer, having full control behind the scenes. This was his chance and he needed to recharge after a month of appearances, on both TV and radio. He would finally be able to be known for more than the man who played Jimmy Klaus over 20 years ago.

This was an opportunity he wasn’t going to mess up. So, after Christmas with his sister, her husband, and his stepmother he hugged them all and started the three hour drive into the middle of nowhere. The snow had begun halfway there and by the time he arrived to the small village he was certain his car, which was built for comfortable city life, was not going to make it the rest of the way. 

Unsure what to do with himself, or the supply of rich food and expensive wine he had in the boot, he made for the small town store. Hopefully they’d know where he could find a place to spend the night. 

The store was small and quaint, the kind of place where they stocked toilet paper beside the crisps, but it was warm, and the Christmas decorations brash and friendly. The woman behind the counter offered him a curious smile and he figured she would be able to help him out.

“Good afternoon, Sir. Taking a break from the storm?” She leaned into the counter, her face bright and genuine. He liked her instantly.

“Actually I’m supposed to be heading to Wishing Well cabin but there’s no way I’ll make it there now. I was wondering…” But Robert didn’t get a chance to finish.

“Wishing Well? Are you sure that’s the name?” She stood you straight, eyes shocked.

“Well yes, I believe that what it’s called. I’m meant to be there until the 3rd.”

Her eyes rounded and then she offered him a bright beaming smile.

“Oh don’t you worry, my husband Sam, Sam Dingle is his name. He’ll get you there. Has a mighty beast of a vehicle. Sam!!”

The sudden shrill of her voice had Robert leaning away from the counter as a small man came lumbering out of the back, goofy grin on his face.

“Sam. This is…”

“Robert, Robert Sugden.” He offered a hand to shake and Sam’s was so hot it warmed straight through Robert’s leather glove.

“Robert here was on his way to Wishing Well.” She widened her eyes when she said it, passing her husband a loaded look that Robert couldn’t read.

“Wishing Well? But...oh. Oh!” Sam seemed to turn a shade of red but offered a toothy grin. “Right, well can’t have anyone disappointed. I can get you there.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a hassle, not in this weather. I can pay.” Robert reached into his jacket and made to pull out his wallet.

“Now none of that.” The kind woman rushed around the counter, suddenly squeezing him into a quick but fierce hug. “We’re just so happy you’re here. Sam, help Robert get his things in your truck. I’m going to get some pie for you to take with you.”

“Ma’am…”

“It’s Lydia to you, young man. Gimme two seconds.”

The next thing Robert knew, his bags and supplies were stowed in the back of Sam’s rather scary looking vehicle and Lydia was shoving a covered dish in his hands.

“Now you have a wonderful time. You just call us when you need to be picked up and Sam will come out to get you. No problem whatsoever.”

Robert had forgotten what a small village was like, the kindness that seemed to radiate from knowing your neighbours. Even with the spirit of the season still hanging about it surprised him.

“Lydia, I don’t know how to thank you.”

She just hugged him again, awkward with the dish still in his hands, but nice just the same. Robert felt a wave of nostalgia for his mother once more and was a little sad when she let go.

He climbed up into Sam’s giant SUV and buckled in tight, a little nervous at the way the odd man rubbed his hands together and let out a cheery little shout of glee as they headed out into the snow.

Robert wasn’t entirely sure how Sam knew where the road was, precious tire marks fading before them in the falling snow. 

“How far are we?” Robert braced one hand against the door as they went over a hidden dip in the road.

“Not too far. Have you there in two shakes of a pig’s head.” Sam pressed down harder on the gas and they bolted forward even faster than before.

“Do you know the owners of the cabin?” 

“Too right. Family they are. Was out here earlier, helped to get it ready for the newest guests. That being you of course.” Sam shot Robert a wink.

Robert continued to make friendly small talk, if only to prevent the fear of sudden death, when the cabin came into view. It was glowing in the dark, stone and wood, smoke coming from the chimney. It was like something out of a postcard and the churning in his stomach instantly stopped. 

The front porch was covered in snow, but Sam pressed a button that had one of the small garage doors opening up just as they drove in. There was already a vehicle parked inside but it was covered, and Robert had to fight the urge to peek underneath. Instead climbed down from the vehicle as Sam started unloading everything from the back. 

“Right, well, you have a good time.” Sam ducked his head down, blush creeping up his cheeks again. “And don’t forget that box on top or I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Robert didn’t get a chance to ask him what he meant because Sam was already back in his truck, pulling back and waving as he went. Robert watched the garage door close and let out a calming breath. His few days of solitude and relaxation were about to begin.

He stared at his bags and decided to leave them for now, instead wanting to take in the space that was all his for the next few days. There was a keypad on the door that connected the house to the cabin but the light was green. Thankfully he wouldn’t have to dig out his phone and find the email with all the details just yet. At least not until he wanted the wifi password.

He opened the door slowly, hit with a wave of warmth and the soft glow of lamplight. He was in the small kitchen, the countertops gleaming and newer appliances spotless. He shrugged out of his jacket and realized there was a real fire going, wood burning hot behind the screen. It made him pause, but Sam had said he’d been here earlier. Probably not wise to start a fire and leave it, but the man hadn’t seemed the most intelligent sort. 

Robert took in the comfortable looking sofa and chairs, perfect for curling up with a book. There was a rather large flat screen TV in the corner and an open set of stairs with exposed beams leading to the second floor. He couldn’t wait to sink into the king sized bed he’d seen in the ad online, drown himself in soft pillows and blankets. But first he wanted to unpack, have a glass of wine and maybe dip into the hot tub he knew was on the back porch.

Decision made, he turned to head back to the garage and start getting settled. A thump had him turning back around, a man frozen on the stairs shock on his face and towel hung on his hips. He didn’t seem aware that he had water dripping down his chest or that Robert’s mouth had suddenly gotten very dry.

“Who the hell are you?”

“Mum, you cannot be serious?”

The man, whoever he was, gave Robert a wary look as he paced back and forth in the small kitchen. He kept sighing and eyeing Robert like he was the devil himself. 

Robert had barely been able to stutter out that he had rented the cabin for the week before the stranger swore under his breath, told Robert not to move and raced back upstairs. He’d only been able to nod slowly as he watched the nameless man’s naked back slip out of view.

Robert didn’t know what to do with himself, finally deciding to perch on the arm of the sofa as the now clothed (which was a little disappointing) bloke cursed into the phone at his ear.

Whatever answers he was looking for weren’t coming and Robert could do nothing but watch him. He was fit. There was no other word for it. He had well worn blue jeans on, a black jumper he had pulled over his hands. Dark hair damp and in disarray, a hint of a curl and a trimmed beard over a hard mouth. But those eyes, every time they landed on Robert it gave him a zing. He didn’t know they made them that blue.

“Right well send Sam back out.” Robert watched him pinch the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, I know. Mum, don’t start...are you serious? Fine. Look I said fine okay.”

Those eyes were on Robert again before the stranger turned his head and whispered something Robert couldn’t make out. Then he chucked his mobile on the counter tops with a sigh, crossed his arms and shot daggers deadly enough to make Robert wince.

“So...Robert Sugden?” 

Robert sat up straight, glared back, already on the defense. Just because he was well loved over the UK didn’t mean he didn’t get his fair share of hassle. You make one Christmas movie as a child and you’re fair game.

“Yes. That a problem?”

“Don’t know yet. You ever kill anyone?”

Robert dropped his mouth open. “You what?”

“I’m asking if you’re a murderer Mr. Sugden. You on the run? Hiding out in a cabin in the middle of nowhere all alone during the holidays, that’s strange.”

Did this bloke not know who Robert was? Seriously?

“From the looks of it, no stranger than what you’re doing.” 

That got him another piercing stare and Robert watched the man’s fingers clench into his own arms.

“Look, Mr….”

“Dingle. Aaron Dingle. I own this place, well my family does.”

“Right, Mr. Dingle, I booked online just two days ago for the whole week. I can show you on my phone. I am just as confused as you are. And no, I’ve never been found guilty of a crime. Have you?”

Aaron braced his hands against the counter. “We ain’t talking about me.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” 

They stared at each other in silence. Robert felt heat spread over his body but shook it off. He was still wearing his thick coat after all.

“Fine. Just have them send Sam back out and I’ll leave. With a full refund of course.” He’d paid a pretty penny to stay here, they’d be lucky if Robert didn’t demand compensation for the waste of his time.

“You’ll get your money, but for now neither of us is going anywhere. The snow ain’t stopping and Sam barely made it back home as it was.”

Robert rubbed at his forehead, “So we’re trapped here. Together.”

“Looks that way.”

Robert stood up, made for the garage as Aaron watched him warily.

“Where you going?”

“I don’t know about you, Mr. Dingle, but I’m getting very very drunk.”

Aaron had begrudgingly offered Robert the massive main bedroom and taken his own things to the small box room complete with bunk beds. So, not a complete prat after all. 

Robert dumped his suitcase on the bed and fought the urge to just face plant beside it. Instead he went back downstairs and caught Aaron peaking into the grocery bags Robert had put on the kitchen island.

“You eat some weird stuff, mate.”

Robert rolled his eyes and shooed Aaron away with his hands. He got a shrug in reply but he ignored the idiot and went about trying to squeeze his Brie and steaks beside packets of sandwich meat and a plethora of beer cans. He opened the freezer on a hunch and saw it stuff full of frozen pizza. He looked over at Aaron, who was now sitting on the kitchen island playing with Robert’s very expensive wine bottle opener, and wondered what he had done to be in this situation.

“So what do you do Robbie?”

“It’s Robert. And I’m a producer.”

Aaron clearly didn’t know who Robert was and he kind of wanted to keep it that way. It seemed the Dingles were an odd bunch so he didn’t take offence to it. At least not that much.

“Oh. A producer. Fancy.”

Aaron tossed the bottle opener down and slid off the counter, suddenly closer to Robert than he’d ever been before. It got his back up, he didn’t need this crap.

“Can we not do this?”

Aaron just raised his eyebrows in surprise but tilted his head for Robert to continue.

“I know you’re not happy about this but I’m not either. Can we just…” He sighed and rubbed at his face...he was too tired to beat around the bush. “It’s just been a long month and I’m not interested in a pissing contest.”

When he looked up Aaron had an almost soft expression on his face. Then his whole face lit up with a smile that Robert found almost blinding, and a little bit mesmerizing. He leaned over and snagged the bottle opener again, shoving it in Robert’s chest.

“Alright then, Robert. Let’s get bladdered.”

Two bottles of wine and a few beer cans in and Robert felt like he’d known Aaron his entire life. He was sprawled in one of the chairs, feet up on the coffee table as he laughed painfully as Aaron shared a story about his family and their annual pig run.

“She was covered in mud, head to toe.”

Aaron snorted into his hand, half propped up on the sofa cushions half sprawled like a renaissance painting. His cheeks were pink and his eyes sparkled in the firelight. It made Robert’s blood fizz in his hands, but at the same time made him feel settled for the first time in weeks. They’d kept it casual, avoiding talking about anything personal. They stuck to their interests, which surprisingly were very similar. They liked the same cars, the same movies. Aaron’s taste in music was questionable, but he admitted once tipsy that he didn’t mind the occasional pop song. Robert had been sworn to secrecy on that fact.

“But they’re a good lot overall. Too nosy on most days but they look after their own.” Aaron stretched his hand for the last piece of Brie on a plate on the coffee table. For someone who’d stuck his nose up at it just a few hours earlier he’d sure fat necked the lot. Aaron pouted a little when he couldn’t reach, giving up to hug a pillow to his chest. 

Robert had to fight the overwhelming urge to kiss that frown away.

“What I don’t get is why Sam and Lydia went to all that trouble for me when they knew you were here.” 

Aaron coughed and suddenly sat up straighter.

“Um...well I’d told them a package was arriving and to make sure I got it.” 

That must have been what Sam has been talking about. But that didn’t...wait…

“Are you saying they thought I was your package? Why would they…”

“I’m gay.”

Aaron looked up suddenly, face impassive but his eyes hard. Robert couldn’t help himself and burst out laughing.

“What? It’s not funny.” Aaron frowned some more and Robert tried to stop the onslaught of giggles. God, he was drunk.

“No wonder Sam couldn’t make eye contact with me. And Lydia gave me a pie. They think we’re shagging.” 

Aaron gave him a lopsided grin. 

“So what was the actual package?”

“A video game.”

This time when Robert barked out a laugh Aaron joined him.

Robert’s head felt like it was caving in when he blinked against the sun streaming through the windows. At some point Aaron had passed out on the sofa with a blanket over his legs. Robert managed to make it up the stairs, let his clothes fall to the floor and was out before his head hit the pillow. Now it was like it was hitting him back. He sat up with a groan, and saw it was past lunchtime. He shuffled to the en-suite and sighed when the hot water finally rained down on him. 

He hadn’t brought anything other than his most comfortable clothes, how he dressed when he was home and shutting out the world. He tried not to feel insecure as he put on some well worn sweatpants and his nicest plain white shirt.

He needn’t have worried, Aaron was in the same thing, tongue sticking out of his mouth as loud violent noises came from the TV screen.

Robert winced until he smelled the fresh coffee wafting in the room. He might marry Aaron if he kept reading Robert’s mind so perfectly. He poured a cup and sighed the minute it hit his tongue.

Aaron swore and dropped his controller, shoving a few crisps in his mouth before shooting Robert a smile. He looked a hell of a lot better than Robert felt, which was honestly just plain rude.

“You look like death.” Aaron sipped his coffee and Robert hated him.

“I feel like it. How are you even functioning right now?”

“The beauty of youth, Robert.”

Robert grabbed an empty beer can from the counter and chucked it at Aaron’s head. He caught it instead and threw Robert a wink.

Yeah, he was in trouble. Fuck.

“Don’t know if you looked outside, but Sam called this morning. We’re supposed to get more snow tonight, he ain’t gonna attempt to plow until tomorrow.”

Robert looked out the kitchen window, the expanse of blinding white and the clouds making their way over. He glanced back at Aaron, who was watching Robert intently. He felt like a puzzle, like Aaron was trying to figure out how he ticked.

Robert wasn’t that mysterious. Not by a long shot. 

“So, do I get a turn or what?”

Aaron was better than Robert at video games, but his cooking skills left a lot to be desired.

“How do you mess up a salad?”

Aaron did that pouting thing that was starting to become Robert’s undoing. 

After a few hours playing video games and more idle chit chat Aaron’s stomach rumbled. When he suggested they make tea and he’d gone for one of those store bought pizzas in the freezer Robert had shuddered. Instead Robert had offered to share his expensive steaks and all Aaron had to do was make the salad.

“It’s not my fault, the knives are dull.”

Robert just hummed to himself and watched Aaron set the table. It all felt very domestic, Robert with an apron around his waist, putting the finishing touches on their plates. He hadn’t cooked for anyone else in years. The worst part? It had never felt this comfortable with anyone else since... well he honestly couldn’t remember when.

He was starting to wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that Aaron had no idea who Robert was. It put him at ease. He always tried to be considerate of people’s ideas of who he was. Jimmy Klaus wasn’t just a character in a TV movie, he was a part of people’s memories. He was a part of people’s traditions and what should be the most joyous time of the year. It was a legacy Robert had with his mother and he never wanted to ruin that for others, or for himself.

Without all that expectation hanging over his head Robert felt lighter, and freer than he could put into words. It was addictive, the way Aaron made him feel.

“Good?”

Robert watched Aaron eat with fascination, mostly because he didn’t seem to stop to breathe. When he glanced up at Robert’s question his eyes were dancing. He just nodded and dug in some more.

Robert smiled over his wine glass, he felt warm and loose. Which made his tongue even looser.

“The last time I cooked for a man it was the worst blind date of my life. He showed up 30 minutes late, my roast was overcooked and he spilled beer all over my sofa.”

He took a sip of his wine, freezing for a minute when Aaron’s head whipped up.

“Man?”

Robert swallowed his wine and shrugged.

“Yes. Um...I’m bisexual.”

Aaron’s eyes widened and he laid down his fork. He wiped at his mouth and seemed about to say something. Robert held his breath.

And then all the lights went out.

It took them a bit to find candles, Aaron locating a torch and Robert adding more wood to the fire to keep them warm. He had just finished clearing the table when Aaron stomped back into the house muttering to himself.

“I think the lines might be frozen and there’s no gas in the generator. Lots of wood in the garage though so we won’t die or anything.”

Robert just topped up his wine and took the chair closest to the fire, spreading a blanket over himself. 

“Might as well get cozy then.” 

Even in the low light of dancing flames Robert could see the trepidation on Aaron’s face. 

“Look, Aaron about what I said…”

The sound of a beer can popping open cut him off. Instead he watched Aaron flop onto the couch, tuck a pillow over his chest. He always did that, like armour or something.

“About what?”

“Being bi.”

Aaron hummed but avoided Robert’s eyes as he took another sip of beer.

“What about it?”

Aaron looked at him then with a hint of a smile, and for a second Robert forgot to breathe. He felt weightless. So he just shook his head and stared into the fire, left the rest unsaid.

They stayed in silence for a little while, Aaron finally clearing his throat.

“So Rob, pie?”

They ended up sitting across from each other, eating the apple pie straight from the dish.

“All it needs is some vanilla ice cream.”

Aaron wrinkled his nose.

“No, mate. Whipped cream with pie.”

“Wow. I have never met someone more wrong in my life.”

Aaron just grunted and thwacked Robert’s hand with his fork.

“Dogs or cats?”

“Dogs obviously.”

“Why obviously? Cats are very intelligent animals.”

“Yeah, if you want a pet to plot your murder, Rob.”

“Oh so you don’t want a pet that’s smarter than you? Got it.”

“Dick.”

“No. It’s against the rules.”

“What rules?”

“I don’t know. The rules since the beginning of time.”

“Look, mate, you might have strong feelings about which way the toilet paper roll goes but I don’t.”

“You’re going to hell Aaron, it’s that simple.”

“No you don’t understand. It’s a metaphor for the good and bad in all of us.”

“It has light swords. It’s not that deep.”

“Lightsabers. They’re called lightsabers. Aaron, I can’t believe you’ve never seen Star Wars.”

“Never seen Star Trek either.”

“Ugh!”

“So why are you really here?”

Robert looked up from the fire, enjoyed the way the light danced across Aaron’s face. He was relaxed, just enough wine to make him nostalgic, to make him miss something he’d never had. 

“This time of year is just hard sometimes.”

Aaron nodded his head but waited for Robert to continue.

“My mum, she died and it just makes me miss her. She was an actress. So beautiful it could make your eyes hurt. She was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Rob, I’m…”

“You didn’t know, it’s okay. She was my step mum actually. Never knew my birth mum, she died when I was a baby. She Sarah, she was brilliant, kind. My dad didn’t love her like he should but she always made everything so special. Birthdays, holidays, the lot. Almost like she knew she wasn’t going to be around for all of them.”

God, Robert had adored her. It had always felt like fate, like she’d always been meant to be his mum. He’d been in town with his older sister, annoyed that she kept trying to hold his hand when he was nine years old. A man had approached them, entranced by Robert’s blond hair and mischievous smile. He’d given his sister a card and the rest just happened.

He’d been cast as Jimmy Klaus , the son of Father Christmas, who was trying to find a new Mum in time for the holidays. It had been called Marry Christmas and Sarah had been cast as the woman Jimmy chose to be his new mother. She’d doted on him on set, taught him how to hit his mark, how to learn his lines. He’d never had a mum and she was everything he’d imagined they were supposed to be.

In the movie she got her happily ever after, and so did Jimmy . Unfortunately Sarah hadn’t been so lucky. For some reason she’s fallen in love with Robert’s dad, a gruff farmer who begrudgingly let his son act for the money. She married Jack and they had Robert’s sister not too long after. She quit acting but she could never hide her sparkle, the way she shined for all to see.

The reason they all fell in love with her had been the reason Jack resented her in the end. They were barely speaking, the house always tense, arguments everyday. When she’d died in a barn fire Robert had been devastated, and the first few years of watching her on screen every Christmas had been a knife to his heart.

Then one day it changed, Christmas became about keeping her memory alive. She was frozen in time, loving and graceful, every kid’s dream mum. So even though he put up with a lot of taunts in school growing up, and then later from internet trolls as an adult, he wouldn’t let that stop him. Every morning show interview, every Christmas parade, he said yes to it all. For her.

“Robert, you should know…” Aaron looked at his hands, and Robert didn’t want his pity. Not when he had the memory of her to keep him warm.

“Why are you here?”

Aaron looked up at him then with so much sadness Robert almost felt a piece of him break. He wanted to take the question back, anything to remove that haunted look from Aaron’s face.

“Aaron, it’s none of my business. I’m sorry…”

“My boyfriend. He died.”

Shit.

Aaron rubbed at his eyes, and Robert had no doubt that there were tears behind his fingers.

“It was a few years ago. He’d gone to see family over the holidays. He wanted to surprise me, drove through a storm he had no business being in. I found out on New Year’s Eve. I was drinking with my friends, and I get this phone call from his mum...”

Aaron looked into the fire, so sad and a little lost. Robert ached for him. But he didn’t have any magical words. Instead he stayed silent. He’d never loved someone like that and lost them. His mum had been hard but being in love was something else entirely. 

He couldn’t imagine having it in your hands and then having it ripped away.

“I’m sorry.” 

Robert didn’t know what else to say. What else to do. He wanted to reach out and touch Aaron, offer some sort of peace.

“He was such a great guy. I never did deserve him.”

Robert couldn’t imagine that being true, not for a single moment. He wanted to tell him that, let Aaron know he was special. That he deserved the world. Instead Robert just stared into the fire with Aaron and hoped it brought them both a little bit of comfort. Both of them missing someone they could never get back.

Aaron eventually passed out on the sofa, arm over his eyes and mouth hanging open. He shouldn’t look as adorable as he did. Robert shouldn’t care as much as he was starting to. What he should do was head upstairs to bed and try to forget whatever feelings were swirling in his chest.

Aaron was mourning the loss of the man who clearly still owned his heart. It was obvious he felt guilty that his boyfriend had died trying to get to him. 

For a brief moment Robert was envious of that love and he hated himself for it. So instead he stood, took the blanket he’d had across his own legs and covered Aaron in it. He bent forward to pick up a beer can on the floor, worried it would get knocked over in the night. 

“Robert?”

He turned his head at the whisper of his name, surprised to see Aaron’s eyes open and hazy, looking at Robert so softly it made something crack inside. Something warm spread throughout his limbs. Made his vision go fuzzy.

“Shh...go to sleep.” 

He patted Aaron’s arm in what he thought was a comforting gesture but Aaron sat up slightly, his fingers curling around Robert’s hand.

“Do you think one day I might deserve beautiful things?” Aaron’s voice was slurred, but his tone sharp. Like he was angry at everything and everyone, Robert included.

“Aaron, what? You deserve them now, you always have.”

Aaron just shook his head and squeezed his fingers tighter.

“No. I don’t.” Then fingers went slack, Aaron’s head leaning back against the pillow, deep frown lines between eyes squeezed shut. “Trust me.”

Robert backed away, wondered exactly what Aaron had been trying to tell him. Why he felt like he’d just gotten an answer to an unspoken question. The one that had loomed between them both since the moment they met.

The alarm clock beside Robert’s bed was blinking when he opened his eyes, power restored to the cabin. He didn’t wait about lounging in bed, he wanted to check on Aaron, make sure he was okay. 

Robert found him just as he’d left him, though he looked younger somehow, the weight of the world off his shoulders in sleep. Part of him wanted to let Aaron rest and the other part wanted to wake him up and ask him what he meant. 

I wish I deserved beautiful things.

Robert decided to leave him be, hoped a shower would give him a clearer head, when the sound of his mobile on the kitchen counter buzzing sprang him into action.

“Hello?” He kept his voice quiet, wanting to let Aaron’s burdens more time to rest.

“Robert, it’s Lydia. Lydia Dingle. Sorry to call you but Aaron’s phone is going straight to voicemail.”

Robert made for the stairs, tried to keep his footsteps as light as possible.

“He’s still sleeping.”

“Oh, well it is early yet. I just wanted to let you know Sam’s able to come get you anytime. He’s got the plow all ready to go. You just need to say the word.”

Robert shut the bedroom door, leaned his forehead against it. He didn’t want to leave but it was New Year’s Eve. Aaron wanted to be alone, wanted to remember the man he loved. He hadn’t asked for Robert to be there. They’d made the best of it but Aaron deserved more than that. 

Beautiful things.

“Could Sam come now? Would that be all right?”

Lydia let out a cheerful laugh.

“Of course, I imagine there are more exciting ways for you to ring in the new year.”

Robert usually spent it in the arms of a stranger, somehow spending it alone seemed like a nice change.

“Yeah.”

“Right, my Sam will be there in no time. Don’t you worry. Oh, and we’re sorry we thought you and Aaron were together. We should have known a might better than that. He’s secretive for sure but as if he wouldn’t tell us he was dating Jimmy Klaus. ”

Robert winced at the name.

“Well, I don’t think Aaron knows who that is.”

“Of course he does. Whole family watches Marry Christmas every year. Aaron grumbles his way through it but he always cries at the end. Then again everyone does don’t they, I sure do. Sam’ll be there in about a half hour. See you soon!”

It hadn’t taken Robert long to pack his suitcase, he’d never really unpacked it. He hadn’t let himself get settled, had realized quickly after discovering Aaron in a towel that nothing about this trip was going to be relaxing.

Only it had been, more so than any day on the beach ever turned out to be. For whatever reason Aaron had pretended to have no idea who Robert was and that had been a gift in a way. He didn’t know what Aaron’s motive had been, though it explained his posturing when they first met. He probably expected Robert to be an egotistical twat. If nothing else he was sure Aaron didn’t think that now.

But what he really thought about Robert? That was probably best left unknown.

Aaron was still passed out on the sofa as Robert gingerly got his case down the stairs. There was no point taking what remained of his food. Hopefully Aaron would enjoy it, that is if he didn’t burn the house down attempting to cook.

He glanced at Aaron’s sleeping form, and wished he could say goodbye. They weren’t mates though were they? Two strangers that spent a few days together, had a few laughs, shared a few tears.

Robert had never felt closer to another person in his whole life, not since his mum. And these few days, they’d been enough. In a way it had been just what he needed. It reminded him who he was outside of Jimmy Klaus , what he could do and how the BBC would be lucky to have him. 

He found a piece of paper and a pen, jotted down a few words. He hoped Aaron would understand, there was no telling if he would remember the words he whispered to Robert the night before.

Try to eat something other than frozen pizza. 

I hope today isn’t as hard as I imagine it will be. You deserve beautiful things, Aaron. All of them.

Happy New Year.

Robert (Jimmy Klaus)

He left the note on the counter and with one last look and a smile walked out to the garage, reminding himself it was the right thing to do. 

Sam was his usual chipper self, blabbering on about the snow and his and Lydia’s plans for the night.

“Gonna be a little do at the local. The whole family will be there, minus Aaron of course.”

No, not Aaron, he would spend it alone, missing someone who was lost to him forever. Kind of like Aaron was to Robert.

He pushed the silly thought aside, feeling a sigh of relief when he saw the end of the ride in sight. He just needed to make it back to his car. Maybe he’d go back to Vic’s? Maybe call some friends?

Again, being alone with his thoughts seemed like the right decision. He’d be lucky to make it home in time but Sam has said the main roads were much clearer.

He was so lost in thought he had to brace against the dashboard when Sam slammed on the breaks.

Then Robert heard it, the honking of the horn, the sound of a car coming up fast behind them. Sam looked at him, concern in his eyes, before jumping out of his truck. Robert followed suit, surprised when he saw Aaron in a suped up little sports car, one that shouldn’t be traveling as quick as it was on the still snow covered road.

Robert worried something was wrong, maybe Aaron had been hurt? He’d barely been gone 30 minutes, what could have happened?

“What in the devil…” Sam’s words were drowned out when Aaron hopped out of the car, still wearing the clothes he’d slept in. No coat or gloves, eyes frantic, he had to be freezing.

“Aaron, are you…”

He stomped over to Robert, fire in his eyes.

“Did you mean it?”

He held up his hand, a piece of paper fisted tight. The note Robert had left as his goodbye.

“Of course I meant it.” Because he had, more than Aaron would ever know.

“Then why did you go? I thought…” Aaron looked at his feet, shivering slightly from the cold. 

“Aaron, I know what today is. I didn’t want to intrude. What he meant to you, I can’t even imagine…”

Aaron finally looked up, biting his lip and eyes wary.

“I...I didn’t love him.”

Robert was rooted in the spot, confused and oddly hopeful. For what he wasn’t sure.

“Aaron…”

“Okay I did, but then I didn’t. And I couldn’t end it, there was always something. Then it was Christmas and I was glad he was going away. Glad that I could have some breathing room. I had promised myself when he got back I would finally finish it. Then he died, he died trying to get to me when I didn’t even want him there.”

Robert sucked in a breath, his arms reaching out before he thought better of it. He rubbed his hands up Aaron’s arms, tried to share some of his warmth. He realized it was the first time they’d really touched each other with intent and his fingers tingled.

“It’s not your fault, Aaron.”

Aaron wiped at his face, the pink of his cheeks making those eyes even more impossibly blue.

“I never let myself move on, because I didn’t deserve it. He was amazing, and he should be alive, not me. And it was my fault he wasn’t. So I come here every year to ask forgiveness, ask him for a sign that it’s okay. That I deserved something ...”

“Beautiful.”

Robert whispered it into the wind, his heart feeling like it was going to beat out of his chest. Aaron offered him a small smile, his hand coming up to brush softly against Robert’s cheek, cold and calloused and perfect.

“Then you walked in, you. And you're the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I wanted you to be smug and arrogant but you weren’t. You aren’t. Well maybe a little. But you’re also kind and funny. I wanted to hate you but I couldn't, I don't. I just needed you to know that. I’m sorry I pretended I didn’t know who you are. I’m sorry…”

But Robert didn’t let him finish, just pulled Aaron closer, dipped his mouth to silence him, just a slight press of lips. Just a small act that he felt through every inch of his body. He lifted his head, looked into Aaron’s eyes, waiting for something. Anything.

He was rewarded with bright eyes and hands to his face pulling him back in.

Robert couldn’t tell you how long they stood there, Aaron in his arms, breathing him in, tasting him on his tongue. Hands sliding into his jacket, Robert clutching him closer and closer, in awe that somehow this moment was happening. That this was his life.

The honk of a horn had them pulling apart. They’d both forgotten about Sam. They smiled sheepishly at each other, then looked over to see Robert’s case dumped on the road, the truck driving away with Sam’s gloved hand waving out the window.

Aaron laughed, burying his face into Robert’s neck, his nose cold as ice. Robert pulled his jacket tight around the both of them. It was freezing but he didn’t want to move. Didn’t want Aaron anywhere than right where he was, safe in Robert’s arms.

“Well I guess you’re stuck with me. Again.”

It was mumbled into Robert’s neck, Aaron’s warm breath making him shiver for reasons other than the cold.

“I still want my refund.”

Aaron’s laughed and squeezed him tighter.

One Year Later

“You could help me you know.”

Robert waved his knife in Aaron’s direction, admiring the way his boyfriend’s jeans hugged his ass as he put more wood on the fire. Until Aaron turned and caught him looking.

“You always say that and then you always end up taking over.”

Robert narrowed his eyes, he hated when Aaron was right. Though to be fair it wasn’t often.

“Fine, than come keep me company.”

Aaron scoffed but still came around the island to stand behind him, wrapped warm arms around Robert’s waist and hooked his chin over Robert’s shoulder. 

This was the best way to cook. Just the two of them, finally. With Robert’s show on the BBC a hit and his Christmas commitments it’d been a crazy few months. Add in two families to visit over the holidays it was a wonder they’d managed to make it through the year unscathed and still madly in love.

The thought made me sigh, lean back a little into Aaron’s embrace.

“Tired?” Aaron nuzzled his face into Robert’s neck, planted a kiss there. 

Robert just hummed in agreement.

“You don’t have to cook you know, we could just pop in a pizza.”

“Stop right there.”

“Such a snob.”

“That you love.”

Aaron squeezed tighter, hands trying to sneak under the hem of Robert’s shirt.

“That I love.”

Robert let Aaron slip away then, focused on grilling the chicken perfectly and getting the sauce for the asparagus just right. Finally he made for the table, Robert trying not to feel all swoony that Aaron had lit candles to set the mood. It was the simple things, and this place was special. Robert hoped it’d always would be for the two of them.

“Look all right?” Aaron glanced up as he filled Robert’s wine glass, eyes sparkling in the low light.

Robert just balanced the plates in his hands as he dipped his head in for a quick kiss, whispered his favourite word against Aaron’s lips.

“Beautiful.”