Chapter Text
Commander Shepard stood next to Admiral Anderson as they looked over the chaos of the Docking Bay on the Shatterdome space station. Anderson flipped through the files of the new recruits and Shepard leaned on the railing, watching a group of Krogans pulling in their Jaeger. It was easily twice the size of the others, and it looked boxy and crude. However, Shepard recognized the material as tough, and she noticed a melee weapon attached to its back for easy access. One of the arms was literally just a gun.
“You’re looking at Urdnot Wrex and Grunt for piloting that sucker,” Anderson said. “Grunt’s a tank-bred Krogan, though you know that since you took him out of it. Once you brought him back to Tuchanka, none of the others would work with him in a Jaeger. Wrex offered to test their compatibility as a sign of good faith, but it turned out they were compatible and they’ve been working together ever since. They’ve taken down ten kaiju on their homeworld and one Reaper on their own.”
“On their own?”
“It sounds like it tried to ambush them at a strange hour, and Wrex and Grunt were training anyway. Still - impressive.”
“Extremely,” Shepard said.
“They’re here to offer Krogan support if you help them cure the genophage. Apparently the cure is ready, they just need help delivering it to their people.”
“Wrex discussed it with me,” Shepard said. “It’ll be done.”
Anderson nodded. “I’ll handle the politics side of it then, though I assure you it will not be a pleasure.”
Shepard laughed as a team of Salarians transported in a thin, sleek Jaeger that resembled the shape of a Salarian. Shepard couldn’t immediately see any weapons, but she knew that didn’t mean it didn’t have any.
“You’re not going to believe this one, Shepard,” Anderson said. “You’re looking at a Salarian Doctor Mordin and a nameless female Krogan shaman.”
“They’re compatible?”
“Appears that they are extremely compatible,” Anderson said. “He was breaking the female Krogan out of a Salarian lab because she carries the cure for the genophage. He stole a Jaeger to try to escape and, when he couldn’t pilot it himself, she stepped up and they just flowed together.”
“So are they defending the Krogans or the Salarians?” Shepard asked.
“It looks like it was a renegade project by Mordin himself. He wanted to work with the female when they realized their compatibility, but neither race would support them. They worked with the Krogans for a while, but they complained of too much singing on their channel, and they didn’t like working with a Salarian. The Salarians wouldn’t take them, so they worked with whoever needed them. Spent some time with the Hanar.”
“I guess it makes sense they’re here then. What’s their score?”
“Two reapers. One reaper assist. Seven kaiju.”
“Two reapers?”
“Two.”
“How the fuck haven’t we heard of them before?” Shepard asked with a laugh.
“Both races are not happy about the renegade group, particularly because of their success. If they hadn’t snubbed them from the beginning, it wouldn’t be such an embarrassment. But Mordin has a strong Salarian engineering team working on it.” Anderson pointed to another Jaeger. “There’s the Turian support.”
Shepard watched the Turians move an average-sized, pointy jaeger into position. “Garrus Vakarian. Former C-Sec, and he’s worked on the Jaeger program since the Turians started their own. Recently lost his co-pilot. Eleven Kaiju kills. One Reaper assist. I think it’s a kiss-off from the Turians.”
Shepard thinned her lips. “Do we have any open pilots?”
“Let me continue through the dossier,” Anderson said. “We have a few more human Jaegers coming in - one former Cerberus group, if you can believe it. There’s a whole group of them – scientists, engineers, some soldiers. Anyway, the ex-Cerberus Jaeger pilots are two humans, Jacob Taylor and Miranda Lawson. They’re very skilled. Wear tight outfits.”
Shepard looked at their pictures. “Not complaining.”
“Cerberus’ dream team, but they cut ties to work with us. Probably thought we were doing some good. One Reaper. Two reaper assists. Ten Kaiju. Like I said, brought a shit ton of ex-Cereberus personnel with them.” Anderson flipped over the page. “We’ve got a couple pilots from open-recruit. Zaeed Massani, comes with his own Jaeger. God knows what he’s doing here. His last co-pilot tried to personally kill him, but Zaeed managed to get the upper hand and stole the Jaeger.”
“It says all that on his file?” Shepard asked. “Are we going to have trouble with someone trying to steal it back?”
“I doubt it,” Anderson said. “He killed the guy. At least he’s honest. He’s just a merc who wants to do some good and get paid to do it.”
“Who’s the other pilot?”
“Kasumi Goto,” Anderson said. “She’s a funny case. Looks like she tried to rob us blind, saw the Jaegers in action, and then decided to hop on board. No experience, but recently went through tons of training. She’s got a lot of potential.”
“Will they be compatible?” Shepard asked.
“We’ll find out,” Anderson said. “They seem pretty different though. You’ll really get a kick out of this next contribution. It’s a Geth Jaeger.”
“What?”
“We almost shot it out of the sky before it got here.”
“Aren’t the Geth fighting with the Reapers?”
“Some of them,” Anderson said. “It appears they’re divided. Damned if I know what’s going on in their AI heads, but one came here with its own Jaeger. It’s just one Geth in a larger robot, so I didn’t see much harm in it.”
“Does it even need a co-pilot?” Shepard asked.
“No,” Anderson said, “but it’s not opposed to working on a team. Honestly, we need all the help we can get, but we’re not going to let it inside any of our other Jaegers in case it hacks in.”
“Sounds like a safe bet to me,” Shepard said. “How did it talk its way into not getting shot out of the sky?”
“Brought a dead Reaper with it.”
“Ah.”
“No idea what sort of kills it has,” Anderson said. “But that Reaper is definitely dead. We chucked it so no one would get indoctrinated. We know what happens if anyone spends too much time with one of those - even a corpse.”
“I bet the Quarians are not happy about that Geth.”
“They’re pretty steamed,” Anderson said, “but they’re too intrigued by the gift to say much. They just keep their distance from each other. The Geth is surprisingly polite. Keeps to itself. Mostly just toys around with its Jaeger.”
“Anything from the Asari?” Shepard asked.
“Nope, but we have a Justicar here,” Anderson said, flipping to her page. “She just showed up and said she was interested in assisting. We’re going to put her with the other biotics and see if she can help with shields.”
“Jack is going to make a crack about that outfit,” Shepard said. “Especially since we made her put a shirt on.”
“If we bought her out of prison, she can do us a favour and put on a shirt,” Anderson said.
“And that’s it for the new recruits?” Shepard asked. “The Turians send us one C-Sec wash-out. The Salarians and Asari completely ignore us.”
“The Krogans sent us their leader,” Anderson said. “That’s something.”
“They say the Krogans are strong enough to win on their own. After the Asari, they’ve been the best at defending their own planet once we passed along the Jaeger technology,” Shepard said. “I’d rather have them than the council races anyway.”
“And the Quarians sent us a lot of people in exchange for parking their Flotilla behind the Shatterdome’s barrier. Their engineers know a lot about building giant robots. There’s one - a Tali’Zorah - who recently completed pilot training. She’ll be tested for a co-pilot as well.”
“So who do we have looking for a co-pilot?” Shepard asked. “The Turian. Tali. Zaeed. Kasumi.”
“James Vega, a human and recent pilot grad,” Anderson said. “We have an empty Jaeger he could fill. Honestly, he’s been eyeing it up.”
“And I’ll stick with Alenko so no one has to worry about drifting with me,” Shepard asked.
“Right,” Anderson said, “Though some of them might want to try sparring with you to test compatibility regardless. Everyone’s here because they’ve seen you in action. It’s good you’re helping us put more Jaegers into space.”
“What about the Geth?” Shepard asked. “If we could put a biotic with it, the biotic could help with its shields without having to worry about being drift compatible. We could ask Liara-”
“Liara wants to focus on working with Feron,” Anderson said. “I keep trying to give her other side projects, but right now it’s all research and working with Feron.”
“Do we have any biotics powerful enough?” Shepard asked.
“The Justicar,” Anderson said. “Jack might be interested too. We’ll ask the Justicar first - Jack’s warming up to her current position, and I don’t want to displace her and start from page one again.”
“All right, so step two is to check compatibilities,” Shepard said.
“I’ll let you take notes and lead the session,” Anderson said. “Since everyone is here though, I should probably say something.”
“Probably,” Shepard said with a smile.
“Look majestic next to me Shepard,” Anderson said with a grin.
Anderson cleared his throat before shouting, “Could I have everyone’s attention for a moment?” When the docking bay of the Shatterdome quieted down, Anderson continued, “I wanted to say how much I appreciate everyone taking the time to be here. We realized we’re not being taken too seriously by the Council, but, as you know, we have found the Mass Relay the Reapers and the Kaiju are coming through. If we can get our soldiers through that Relay, we will be able to destroy them in their home and confirm that they will never hunt us again.
“Many consider this a suicide mission. Many doubt we will succeed. I am sure many of you are here because you realize without this step, there is only failure. First the Kaiju came through to test the waters. Now the Reapers are starting to come through as well, and they’re not an easy foe to face. We cannot allow the Reapers to come through en mass like the Kaiju did. That will mean extinction for all of us. We cannot allow this war to continue.
“So thank you for being here and taking a chance on our plan to destroy the Reaper threat. We will succeed. We will destroy the Reapers and protect our families and our future. Defeat is inexcusable. Defeat means extinction. And I’m not going to be the man who let our galaxy crumble. I am honoured to have you all standing beside me. Together we can defeat the Reaper threat!”
Shepard let out a cheer, and the people Docking Bay followed suit. Anderson gave Shepard a smile, and he said, “Also, if the new recruits and recent graduates who currently do not have a pilot could meet with Shepard in the Kwoon Combat Room, we will run some compatibility tests.”
Shepard squeezed Anderson’s shoulder, and he handed her the files of the new recruits. When she reached the Kwoon Combat, she noticed some of the new recruits who already had co-pilots sitting in the stands. The Krogans sat with the Salarian doctor, laughing and joking with each other. Grunt gave Shepard a wave, and Wrex gave her a polite nod. The ex-Cerberus agents sat together, speaking quietly with each other and looking around the room. Kaidan Alenko sat alone, leaning forward impatiently. Shepard noticed Thane sitting on the other side.
She approached him. “Hey, shouldn’t you be in the Med Bay?” she asked.
“I heard the announcement and was curious,” Thane said. “I’m not going to miss out on a chance to see the potential of the new recruits.”
Shepard smiled at him. “How are you feeling?”
“Good,” Thane said. “You needn’t worry about me. I am fine. Kolyat expressed interest in joining us. I passed along the information to Anderson. I think this is the safest place in the galaxy for him, even if we’re wearing a giant target on our head.”
“What place doesn’t have a target?”
“Exactly.”
Shepard said, “It looks like everyone is here. We’ll talk later?”
“I’ll look forward to it.”
Thane leaned back in his seat, and Shepard could feel Kaidan’s eyes burrowing into the back of her skull. She turned to give him a weak smile. His face stayed stiff.
Shepard walked to the middle of the floor. “Hello,” she said and waited for the voices to quiet down. “For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Commander Shepard. If the name sounds familiar, I’m one of the first Jaeger pilots. I trained when they were designed to be piloted solo, and I continued with a co-pilot after that. I am the Alliance pilot who was on the front line when the Kaiju came through en mass. My co-pilot was killed in action as was the rest of the force. I fought the kaiju alone until they stopped pouring through. The rumours are that one human soldier fighting Kaiju alone in a Jaeger frightened the Kaiju back through the mass relay. Now we know that is not true.
“I’m not expecting you to stand alone on the front line. I do not want you piloting your Jaeger alone. I believe strongly in teamwork, because I know how terrifying and empty space feels when you’re alone. So we’re going to run some tests to see who you are most compatible with to pilot our Jaegers. I understand that two of you came with your own Jaegers.”
Zaeed and the Turian stepped forward. “Zaeed Massani and Garrus Vakarian, correct?”
“Yeah,” Zaeed said.
Garrus gave her a nod.
“If you two are compatible, are either of you willing to allow someone else pilot your Jaeger?”
Zaeed shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Not my first choice, Commander.”
“Reluctantly,” Garrus said.
“Then let’s put you together first and find out if you’ll have to fight over whose Jaeger to take,” Shepard said.
She handed Garrus and Zaeed their training staffs and stepped aside. She nodded at Kelly Chambers who blew her whistle. Both Kelly and Shepard took notes as they went through the drills. Kelly shook her head at Shepard, and Shepard went through her notes. They actually fought fairly well together, but Zaeed had a certain amount of cut-throat behaviour that Garrus didn’t and in some cases Zaeed was more calculated while Garrus was reckless. “It’s not ideal,” she said. “Garrus, let’s stick with you since we might have more trouble with the species differences. Tali’Zorah?”
“Present.”
“Since there’s no other Quarian pilot-”
“I understand, Commander. Kill two birds with one stone.”
Shepard nodded and Kelly started the drills again. Shepard took notes again, and this time it seemed as though Garrus was too cut-throat for Tali. He was far too aggressive. When Kelly ended the drill, she shook her head at Shepard. “Yeah, Zaeed’s suddenly looking good, Garrus. Let’s keep trying.”
They continued through the drills. While Garrus seemed best suited with Zaeed, Zaeed and James scored higher together than Zaeed had with Garrus. Kasumi and Tali fit together like gloves, and Shepard noticed the pair already joked and laughed together. Shepard said to Garrus, “I’m going to have to put Zaeed and James together, especially since you’ll already be fighting with him over which Jaeger to use.”
“What about me and James?”
“You scored just a bit higher with Zaeed,” Shepard said. “We’ll find a pilot for you.”
“What about you?”
“I fly with Kaidan.”
“I’m sure you can find another human for him,” Garrus said.
“I would like to volunteer,” Thane said, standing up. “I am an experienced pilot.”
“A drell?” Garrus asked. “Really?”
“The hanar sent him as a sign of good faith. There’s a few hanar helping too, but they couldn’t sacrifice much to help us. He used to be my partner-”
“Used to be?” Garrus asked.
He tried to remember the reports. He hadn’t followed Shepard’s career from the beginning like some of the others had. As far as he could recall, it had always been Shepard and Alenko.
“Thane,” Shepard said, “you know I don’t want to volunteer you.”
“Shepard, I’m either going to die in the Med Bay or die out in space. I would prefer to go out fighting.”
“I’ll try sparring with him if I can try sparring with you first,” Garrus said.
Shepard frowned. “All right,” she said. “Thane, I’m not happy about this, but you know I can’t ignore the opportunity to have another Jaeger in the air.”
Thane smiled at Shepard. “Thank you for giving me the opportunity.”
When Shepard tried to hand Thane the staff, Garrus grabbed it. “You and me first,” he said.
“Sure,” she said. “I guess you’re interested in seeing your ass get kicked.”
“Arrogance doesn’t become you, Commander.”
“Funny, I think humility will look great on you,” Shepard replied with a smile.
Shepard nodded at Kelly and they started their drills. Their compatibility hardly surprised Shepard. She had watched Garrus enough to know they’d flow well together, and she made sure to take note of his moves to knock him on his ass a few times. He managed to get the upper hand once.
He offered his hand to help her up.
Thane said to Garrus, “Since you’re compatible, then I should be an excellent substitute.”
“All right, show me what you’ve got,” Garrus said.
Kelly showed Shepard her notes as she started the next drill. Despite Shepard’s compatibility with both Garrus and Thane, she was still surprised at how compatible Thane and Garrus were. It had been a while since she’d seen Thane fight, and she was relieved to see his movements still smooth. He didn’t get winded or catch his breath. He gave Garrus a good workout too.
When the drills ended, Garrus shook Thane’s hand. “You surprised me,” he said.
“Always a pleasure,” Thane replied with a smile.
“Let’s see you and the drell, Shepard,” Kasumi shouted. “I bet you two flow together like water.”
Thane smiled at Shepard and tilted his head inquisitively while Kaidan hopped down from the stands. “Let’s show ‘em how we do it in the bigs, eh Shepard?” Kaidan said, taking the staff from Thane.
“Whatever you say,” Shepard replied with a nod.
His tense body hardly hid that he was pissed off, but he took a deep breath before Kelly started the drill. It was routine for Shepard and Kaidan. Pushing themselves to do better. Knowing each other’s moves and secrets. She stared into his black eyes and saw herself. She knew every touch and breath.
She almost didn’t notice when Kelly ended it.
Kaidan said, “And that’s what the most compatible pilots look like. Is there anything else, Commander?”
“If you head out to your Jaegers, we’ll start drifting to make sure there’s no hitches. Zaeed - I want you to talk to James about what happened with your last co-pilot. I don’t want there to be any surprises when you two drift.”
“What Jaeger do we go to?” Tali asked.
“The one docked in E4,” Shepard said.
“But that’s my baby,” James said.
“You’ll like my baby just fine, Vega,” Zaeed said. “Jessie II might not be new and shiny, but she packs a real punch.”
“All right, you’ve got me intrigued Massani.”
Tali said to Kasumi, “The one we’re going to is extremely nice. I saw the developmental plans.”
While the spectators left, Shepard stopped Garrus and Thane. Kaidan lingered beside her. “Thane, run Garrus through the risks of drifting with a drell. If you don’t think you can handle it, Garrus, you let me know and we’ll wait for another pilot.”
“Why don’t we swap?” Garrus said. “Thane goes with yours and I go with you.”
“We’re not compatible,” Thane said, quickly.
“That seems strange,” Garrus said. “I don’t see how you two couldn’t be compatible if the three of us are all compatible.”
“We’re not compatible because I don’t like the idea of vividly seeing him fuck my girlfriend,” Kaidan said, no longer trying to hide his hostility.
“That’s a rather crude way to put it,” Thane said.
Kaidan sucked his teeth, and Shepard quickly said to Garrus, “If you don’t want to drift with Thane because of the risks involved, we’ll work something else out.”
“You’re not piloting with Thane again,” Kaidan said.
“I didn’t say that,” Shepard said.
“It’s Lt. Alenko, right?” Garrus asked.
“Major.”
“I doubt we’d be compatible anyway,” he sharply replied.
Kaidan laughed. “Says the reject of the Turian army. Can I ask you something? What kind of military sends one man with their lowest-quality Jaeger?”
“One that knows they only need to send one,” Garrus said. “My Jaeger is old because it withstands any force thrown at it. The only reason the alliance needs shiny new Jaegers is because they keep getting theirs blown up. Is it shitty pilots or just shoddy construction, Major?”
Kaidan opened his mouth, but Shepard gently touched his chest. “All right,” she said. “We have to work together. This needs to stop.”
Garrus and Kaidan said nothing further.
“Am I going to have a problem?” Shepard asked.
“No, Commander,” Kaidan replied.
Garrus just shook his head.
“All right,” Shepard said. “Thane, you give Garrus the run down on drifting with drells. If he’s interested, get started. If he’s not, it’s back to me. Okay?”
“Yes, Commander,” Thane said.
Thane started to lead Garrus away, but Garrus heard Kaidan say to Shepard, “You should ask what happened to his last partner.”
Garrus started to turn around, but Thane touched his shoulder. “The Commander likes it when a soldier knows when to stand down,” he said.
“And I care what she thinks?” Garrus asked.
“I know you do,” Thane replied with a smile. “We’re all here because we believe in her.”
Garrus watched Thane’s face as he walked next to him down the hallways. He started to make a mental map in his head. He said, “I’m going to find out soon enough - what happened between you two?”
“When the Commander lost her former partner, Ashley Williams, she was dating Kaidan at the time. Both were close to Williams, and both got caught up in their own grief. The Commander got an offer to work with Anderson on this project, and she asked Alenko to come with her. He was an Alliance man through-and-through, no distractions, no side projects. He said no, and left Shepard without a partner.”
“So they were compatible back then?”
“Yes,” Thane said. “Shepard piloted with Alenko, and they picked up this rookie pilot, Williams. When they realized they were compatible, Shepard took Williams under her wing to train her. Alenko had another man he was compatible with, so the temporary transition seemed reasonable.”
“Must have hurt like a bitch to lose her then,” Garrus said. “She probably thought that girl counted on her.”
“Exactly,” Thane said. “Regardless, there was a misunderstanding between Kaidan and the Commander. She believed they had broken up, but he was under the impression they were still together.”
“How does a misunderstanding like that happen?” Garrus asked with a laugh.
“They exchanged harsh words, and Shepard interpreted ‘Just get out of here’ as a final note to their relationship. Kaidan took it as they would work on separate projects, but he was too wrapped up in his own grief to exchange e-mails with the Commander, and the Commander assumed there was no reason to keep in touch, so neither of them realized that the other misunderstood the state of their relationship.”
“And then she met you,” Garrus said.
“And then I met her,” Thane said as if it were a correction. “I was assigned to work on the project by the Hanar. I have Kepral's Syndrome, so they assumed they might as well contribute a dead man to the project. I lost my wife several years ago and lost touch with my son, so I was operating on, as they say, auto-pilot. Until Shepard. Just seeing her was enough in the beginning. We were compatible, but it’s not easy to drift with a drell.”
“Yeah, tell me about that, real quick.”
“Our memories don’t fade. They’re always vivid, and we can escape into them. When you drift with a drell, sometimes you can get caught in ours, and the details are so real, you can forget where you are. However, we can also accidentally amplify your own memories, so it’s easy to, as they say, chase the rabbit.”
“So Shepard relived the moment when Williams died.”
“Exactly,” Thane said. “She was determined we were going to work together. She said, ‘There’s no one else I’m going to be with.’ It took us two weeks to pull each other out of each other’s memories. It was hard not to fall for her. I saw her life in great detail. She saw mine. We worked through each other’s hardships and tragedies. We relived happy moments together. And we created new ones.”
“And Kaidan was pissed because some alien sweeps her off her feet when she’s supposed to be dating him,” Garrus said.
Thane nodded. “Six months pass. Just me and her, and the Geth and Kaiju and Reapers. She knows I only have maybe a year left in me, but she’s determined to fill that last year with victories and happiness. Then Kaidan Alenko suddenly shows up, saying he’s seen the work they’ve been doing, and he left his former position and wants to help. He demands to be paired up with Shepard again.
“Shepard tries to explain to him that it’s just not going to happen. They’ve broken up. She’s drifted with a drell. It won’t be the same when they drift again.”
“Wait, how won’t it be the same?” Garrus asked.
“Ah, yes, sorry. I would have mentioned it before we drifted. Because I amplify the memories, it can be overwhelming to a new pilot to be thrown in with someone who has these extremely vivid memories. You will also carry my memories with you for a good amount of time, so the pilot has to sort not only through yours, but also mine, and on an extremely amplified scale. And, because you are not actually a drell, sometimes the memories can be jumbled and you will be unable to hold back. It can be a very painful process for both pilots. So you’ll be limited to extremely capable Asari pilots, drell pilots, or anyone who’s drifted with a drell before. For someone who hasn’t drifted with a drell before, drifting with someone who has drifted with a drell is harder than just drifting with a drell. It’s extremely difficult, and in most cases it is not worth the time.”
“But Kaidan managed it,” Garrus said.
“Yes, he is extremely stubborn,” Thane said. “So Kaidan is trying to piece all of this together. He doesn’t remember breaking up with her. He doesn’t understand, not right away, that she’s my partner in more than one sense of the word. He gets extremely angry. Says he threw away his career to pursue this. Says he’ll be a laughing stock if he comes back. He’s livid.”
“How does Shepard react?”
“She is not livid,” Thane said. “I realized in that moment that she still loved him. She was patient. She let him scream and work through it. She tried to remain calm. She apologized for the misunderstanding. So I pulled her aside after he stormed off. I told her she needed to go to him, if he’d take her back. What was the point in dating me who’d be dead soon enough when she clearly had someone else who loved her and who she loved? It was foolish to throw that away for a dying man.”
“You’re a better man than me, Thane,” Garrus said with a chuckle. “What did Shepard say?”
“Then she finally got angry,” Thane said. “Eyes sharp. Scowl firm. Body tense. She told me I was a fool and they’d have to pry her hands off of my coffin. I told her we could either end things amicably or I would simply terminate the relationship and she could steam about it.”
“So she chose the amicable route,” Garrus said.
“She wasn’t ready to lose me completely,” Thane said. “And neither of us were certain that she could drift with Kaidan - or if he’d take her back.”
“But he obviously did.”
“It took three weeks of training,” Thane said. “An entire month where Kaidan had to not only wade through my memories, but her memories of being in love with me. I hardly blame him for being unkind to me. He feels threatened, and he’s reminded of our relationship so frequently, it’s hard not to be. He was determined to get her completely back, and she worked just as hard for them to work together.”
“But Shepard’s one of the few pilots who’s controlled a Jaeger designed for two pilots on her own,” Garrus said. “Couldn’t that have contributed?”
“Between you and me, I think so. Shepard was exhausted after their first missions together. She would sometimes come to me with nosebleeds and headaches-”
“Hold on, she still came back to you? After the temper tantrum Kaidan threw? After you told her to get lost?”
Thane shrugged. “We are still in love. We hide our conversation from Kaidan by making them look like old memories. She still needs someone to talk to from time to time.”
“You’re using the present tense a lot,” Garrus said.
“It still happens a lot,” Thane said. “It’s nothing inappropriate. We haven’t cheated on him-”
“It sounds like emotionally she has,” Garrus said.
“He won’t discuss Williams’ death,” Thane said. “And who is she going to approach to complain about him?”
“I heard she was close to Dr. T’Soni,” Garrus said.
“Yes, but how can you complain about someone who is regularly in your head?”
“Complain to someone that that person doesn’t want to see,” Garrus said with a nod. “All right, I get it. It’s none of my business anyway. So this thing about not being able to drift with anyone else-”
“I don’t think you will perceive it as an issue,” Thane replied.
“But you’re dying. I mean, if you were a long term partner, okay, I’d get it, but-”
“You will be able to drift with other people who have drifted with drell. In fact, in some cases it can be easier since you both already have enhanced memories.”
“Shepard.”
Thane smiled.
“Is that why she didn’t want me to drift with you?”
“Oh no,” Thane said with a laugh. “She’s worried about me. They thought I had a year left to live when I met her. She helped reunite me with my son. She breathed life back into me. It’s been a year and six months. I’ve been having some issues breathing, but nothing I can’t handle. She’s worried I’ll use up too much energy trying to drift with you and piloting the Jaeger.”
“She’d rather you be alive and stagnant than dying and fighting.”
“Love does foolish things to people,” Thane replied. “I was afraid to die when we were together. I was afraid of leaving her alone without me. But now she has Kaidan. She has Dr. T’Soni. She has Joker and Admiral Anderson. Even the Krogans are here. I think she’ll like the new recruits just fine too. I will continue to fight, however. The galaxy still needs me.”
“It’ll be an honour to be your co-pilot, Thane.”
“I feel the same way,” Thane replied. He pointed up to it. “And this is the Jaeger you brought with you?”
“Yeah,” Garrus said. “Alenko was right. Not exactly the height of Turian technology.”
“We’ll make it work,” Thane said. “Let’s try.”
The pair went up into the Jaeger, and Shepard watched from the sidelines as the two prepared to drift. The Turian technician monitored their activity as they joined. Garrus found himself immediately thrown into a memory. Shepard, clad in black lingerie, straddled Thane and kissed him. Garrus felt it on his lips. He breathed in her smell. He could feel her against him.
“Thane, I’m struggling here.”
He thought he was thrown back into the ship. He turned and saw Thane next to him, but when he looked out the window, he only saw space. “It’s running away,” he said, pointing to a kaiju in the distance.
“We don’t go after it,” Thane said.
“It’s just one,” Garrus said. “We go forward and take it out before it calls for reinforcements.”
“I want it on the record that I think this is a terrible idea,” Thane said.
“Garrus Vakarian doesn’t run away from a fight.”
When Garrus looked at Thane again, he saw his former partner. He looked at the Turian for a moment, confusion settled in as a Reaper beam split the Jaeger in half. He saw the Turian split neatly apart. Blood pooled into droplets through space.
“Garrus,” the dead Turian said. “Concentrate.”
Thane’s voice.
Garrus pulled out to see Thane embracing his son. He felt his son’s skin beneath his fingers. He breathed in the smell. He felt his son’s arms around him.
Garrus knew he was wearing a helmet, though he couldn’t feel it. When he tried to pull it off, he found himself back in the Jaeger with his dead partner. “I can’t get out,” Garrus said. “Thane, what do I do? Thane?”
Garrus found himself lunged forward to when he sparred with Shepard. He noticed details he didn’t even see when he sparred with her the first time. Beads of sweat on her forehead. A smile in the corner of her lips. A broken blood vessel in her left eye. She knocked him over and straddled his waist. He tried to pull his helmet off again as she kissed him.
He found himself back in the Jaeger with Thane. Was it real?
“Am I out?” he asked.
“You’re out,” Thane said.
“Were you getting lost or was I?” Garrus asked. “I kept seeing your memories.”
“You were seeking out comfort and accidentally pulled my memories instead of your own,” Thane said. “You didn’t know you were doing it. It’s very common with drell.”
“So I have to navigate all that before I can see clearly?”
Shepard’s voice on the intercom: “How was your first experience with Thane?”
Remnants of Thane’s memories washed over him. Her hot breath on his shoulder. Her skin against his. It was strange seeing Shepard like that. He admired her, certainly, and he’d gotten caught up in the media’s obsession with her. The poster girl when the Jaeger program started. The human who took down the first Reaper. He’d admired her strength and her polite apathy towards the media. A crush on her was common among the Turian Jaeger pilots, even if she didn’t have much physically appealing about her. She was tough and determined. She promoted the military. She didn’t take shit from anyone.
But seeing her through Thane’s eyes was different. She understood the cost of war. She knew when to grieve and when to push it behind her. He saw her as another person rather than as a poster in some Turian’s bunk. It was strange, but he admired her all the more for it.
“I can do this, Commander,” he said.
“You can turn back,” Shepard said. “No one would blame you.”
“I’ll make it work,” Garrus said.
“I’d recommend seeing Dr. T’Soni for advice if you struggle. Her co-pilot is a drell as well.”
“You’re not going to offer me any advice, Commander?”
“I think you’d be too distracted talking to me face to face after wading through Thane’s memories,” the Commander said with a laugh. “But by all means, if you struggle, my door’s open.”
Shepard closed the channel. Garrus said to Thane, “I’ll talk to Dr. T’Soni. See if I can figure out where to start. What was it like for you? Did you have to live through the memories again?”
“Yes and no,” Thane said. “When you were in my memories, it was as if there was an additional screen that replayed the memory that I could ignore. When you pulled me into yours, then I had to struggle to get out. But you got out quickly.”
“So no advice from you?”
“I don’t know what it’s like,” Thane said with a sheepish smile. “Shepard didn’t talk a lot about the process. She just pried into my life a lot.”
“And I already did that earlier,” Garrus said. “Can you show me the way to Dr. T’Soni?”
“Of course,” Thane said. “I will drop you off and then wait for you in the Med Bay.”
Garrus and Thane chatted idly as they made their way through the ship, and Garrus tried to stay aware of his surroundings so he could navigate the Shatterdome without him. Thane excused himself when they reached the lab. When Garrus entered, he noticed an Asari reading through books while a drell sat some distance away, examining kaiju parts. “Dr. T’Soni?” Garrus asked the Asari.
“Oh hello? Yes that’s me,” she said with a warm smile. “Are you Garrus Vakarian?”
“Yes.”
“You can call me Liara,” she said. “Shepard mentioned you’d be coming to get advice on drifting with a drell.”
“Are you two not pilots anymore?” Garrus asked. “I didn’t see a Jaeger for you.”
Liara and the drell exchanged looks. “Shepard thinks Feron and I are more valuable analyzing data. We’re more focussed on looking into the Reaper lore and gathering information on Cerberus. Anyway, sit down here and I can help you cheat.”
“Cheat?”
“If I give you my memories of learning how to drift with a drell, then you’ll be able to drift with Thane much quicker.”
“But Thane said it took Shepard two weeks to learn how to drift with him,” Garrus said.
“Shepard was stubborn and wanted to learn on her own,” Liara said. “It wasn’t quite as time-sensitive back then as it is now. I realize you want to impress her and learn on your own, but you can impress her by accepting my help.”
“Is it really that easy?” Garrus asked. “Why didn’t she send me to you before we even started?”
Feron chuckled and Liara smirked. “She probably wanted you to know how hard it was to impress you,” she said. “If you got my memories from the get-go, you’d think it was a cinch.”
“She’s been doing this to me from the start,” Garrus said. “Although, I’ll admit, I push back.”
“She’s just angry the Turian army didn’t give us anything else,” Liara said. “The Asari and the Salarians didn’t either. It looks bad when the Council races barely support this operation.”
“But the Asari think they have this under control. They’re excellent Jaeger pilots because they all go through the same training and can exchange memories before they drift.”
“It’s much easier for Asari to find pilots with each other - and fairly easy for them to find pilots in other species,” Liara agreed. “Even so, they can’t continue to ignore what’s happening to the rest of the galaxy. We’re trying to find a long-term solution. The kaijus continue to grow stronger, and we’re seeing more and more Reapers. It can take two or three Jaegers to take one of them down.”
“So you’re angry with the Asari too?”
“I’m frustrated mostly,” Liara said. “And frustrated we can’t do more to help. Come here, let me share my memories with you. Close your eyes.”Garrus closed his eyes and heard Liara say, “Embrace eternity.”
He saw flashes of Feron through Liara’s eyes. Fragmented memories. His stomach turned and Liara released him. The memories settled into the back of Garrus’ mind, and Liara rubbed her head as she leaned back in her chair. “There’s something I’m missing,” Garrus said. “Why aren’t you two pilots?”
Liara didn’t reply, and Feron said, “I was recently captured and tortured over a period of several months. The Commander, Major Alenko, and Liara came to save me in a Jaeger, but Liara and I are having a hard time becoming drift compatible again. I’m afraid the memories of my torture has also tainted Liara’s mind. She tried drifting with Shepard afterwards as an experiment, only to subject Shepard to those memories as well. Luckily they didn’t linger with Shepard as they do with Liara.”
“It’ll be a lot of work,” Liara said, “but we’ll get through it.”
“I hope so,” Feron said.
“Sorry,” Garrus said. “I didn’t mean to dredge it up - I thought you were hiding some kind of research breakthrough.”
“Hardly,” Liara said with a smile. “All we know is that the Reapers have done this before. Try drifting with Thane again and return to me if you continue to struggle.”
“I will. Thank you, Liara.”
Garrus started to leave, but Liara said, “Oh, and Garrus?” When he turned around, Liara continued, “Try not to get too caught up in his memories of Shepard.”
Garrus cleared his throat. “That’s not - I’m not paying attention to them.”
He heard Liara and Feron snickering to each other as he left. Garrus started walking down the hallways as he realized he had no idea where the Med Bay was. There were several maps posted - Garrus assumed they often had new recruits - but he still struggled to find his way. He noticed the door to one of the lounges open and spotted Shepard and Kaidan.
Kaidan had his arm around Shepard, and she leaned her head onto his shoulder. They looked out into the stars together. “It’s going to be okay, Shepard,” he said. “Nothing’s going to happen to Thane.”
“We can’t lose anyone else.”
“We’re not going to let that happen, okay? Our top priority is keeping our team safe. They can fight the Reapers and the Kaiju and, hell, the Geth too. But we’ll make sure to pull them out or out of the way if things go wrong. If anything happens to Garrus’ Jaeger, you have to believe I’m not going to hesitate to save Thane.”
“I believe you.”
“I know I’m an asshole about this,” Kaidan said. “I just - it’s hard seeing how much you love him and feeling that love too, but I care about him. I’m just not good at showing it.”
“That’s fine,” Shepard said with a laugh. “You can be an asshole to everyone Kaidan, I don’t care, so long as you’re there for them when it counts.”
“You know I will be. You know I can’t lose anyone else either.”
Garrus noticed some Salarians walking around the corner and he stopped eavesdropping to keep walking. He made a mental note to cut Kaidan some slack. He had only dived into Thane’s memories for a moment, and he was already jealous of Thane and Kaidan for having Shepard. Hell, he was jealous before he had even drifted.
He saw a tech lab and recognized the two ex-Cerberus pilots and the Salarian from the Krogan/Salarian pilot team inside. There was another man with them. He walked in to hear the woman say, “We took some technology from the Cerberus labs. Along with the Reaper IFF, we also grabbed an AI meant to be installed into a Jaeger.”
“Yeah, not interested in that AI,” the unfamiliar man said.
They all turned to look at Garrus. “Sorry,” he said. “I’m Garrus Vakarian.”
“You’re the one trying to drift with the drell,” the unfamiliar man said. “I bet Shepard didn’t even tell you Liara can help you skip the hard stuff.”
“Yeah - I don’t know who you are.”
“They call me Joker. Shepard’s tech.”
“I’m Miranda, and this is my co-pilot Jacob.”
“Hey,” Jacob said.
“Mordin,” the Salarian said.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt, but I can’t find the way to the Med Bay,” Garrus said.
“Right here, but one floor up,” Joker said. “Good try though, buddy.”
“It must be a real pleasure for Shepard to have you in her ear all the time,” Garrus said. “Thanks for the directions.”
“Hope you don’t have any trouble getting there with that stick up your ass.”
“Next time give me something I haven’t heard before,” Garrus replied as he left.
As he left the tech lab, he wished he hadn’t announced his presence so quickly. An AI from Cerberus? He wondered if they would try to install it. Joker hardly seemed interested in using it, and Garrus hardly blamed him. Would it send information back to Cerberus? And what was Shepard going to do with a Reaper IFF?
He took the stairs up to the Med Bay and found Thane relaxing on one of the beds with his eyes closed. Garrus said, “Liara helped me cheat.”
“Do you wish to try again presently?”
“Yeah. If we can get this to work, I thought we could take it out and try a few practice shots together. Who knows when the next wave will come in. Are you busy?”
“No,” Thane said. “I was sorting through the memories you left in me.”
“Ah.”
“I suppose you don’t wish to discuss what happened to your previous partner?”
“He wanted to let the Kaiju go and head back to base, but I wanted to chase it down. When we chased it down, it led us to a Reaper. Sliced us in half. Left me for dead. Luckily, a team picked me and the Jaeger up before I ran out of oxygen. They pieced it back together. My co-pilot wasn’t so lucky.”
“So you blame yourself?”
“Sort of, yeah,” Garrus said. “He didn’t usually hold back like that. He must have sensed something wrong in his gut, and I should have respected that. I felt him get sliced in half too. I thought I was dead for a while. I guess you know all that already.”
“I do.”
“Have you ever lost a co-pilot?”
“No,” Thane said. “Shepard’s been my only co-pilot. I felt Williams’ death through her, but as vivid as her memories are inside of me, I doubt it’s the same.”
“Did she feel Willams die?”
“Yes,” Thane said. “It was when the Kaiju were suddenly getting larger, and the Alliance’s armor was too thin. They were cutting corners and creating thinner armor to produce more Jaegers, unaware that the Kaiju were slowly getting strong enough to tear through it.
“A Kaiju tore right through the armor and bit off a portion of William’s shoulder. She screamed, and Shepard - likely Williams too - pulled the Kaiju out. But as they pulled the Kaiju off, it took one more bite for Williams. I can still see her lower half just standing in the Jaeger. Shepard screamed and just ripped the Kaiju apart. The Alliance Jaegers were being massacred. Shepard gave up on using weapons and just beat them with the Jaeger’s fists, cursing and yelling the entire time.
“The Alliance sent a second wave of Jaeger’s in, but there was no reason to. Shepard had slaughtered everything. Kaidan and his co-pilot pulled Shepard out of her Jaeger and put her inside of theirs. There wasn’t much of her Jaeger left. Shepard’s nose and ears bled. She was in rough shape.”
“That sounds brutal,” Garrus said. “She was lucky.”
“She practically begged the Kaijus to kill her,” Thane said. “The Jaeger had no lower half left. One of its arms was missing too. It couldn’t move through space anymore. The Kaiju probably thought she was dead, left her alone, and didn’t bother to send another wave.”
“And Kaidan thought to check it?”
“Joker knew her vitals were still going,” Thane said. “Weak, but still moving. I obviously don’t remember this. It fades when she starts fighting the kaiju. Regardless, I remember Shepard and Kaidan talking beforehand. Shepard and Kaidan had switched places. He and his co-pilot were supposed to be in the first wave, but he’d eaten some bad fish the night before and was sick. Shepard switched places with him so he could wait until the medicine kicked in.”
“So he blames himself.”
Thane said, “I have not been inside his head, but I assume so. Shepard even told him not to eat the fish. She thought it’d been left out too long. She laughed at him the next day and played it off like a joke.”
“They had no idea the Jaeger’s armor would be useless?”
“It was just a routine mission,” Thane said. “Kaidan has no reason to feel guilty, but I can’t exactly go up to him and say that while I was digging around in Shepard’s memories I suspected he felt guilty for Williams’ death. He probably regrets ever letting Shepard drift with her. He was the one who pushed her to it.”
“I can’t say I blame him for wanting to put distance between him and Shepard after all that.”
Thane smiled weakly. “When I saw those memories, I just wanted to hold her in my arms and let her tell me everything. I wanted to be there to support her. What kind of person would leave her after she experienced that?”
“But she left Kaidan,” Garrus said. “She didn’t trust the Alliance anymore, which is why she came to work here. Kaidan needed the structure to grieve. He couldn’t abandon the only thing he believed in - the thing Williams died for. I understand why he stayed.”
“I suppose,” Thane said. “I suppose there are a lot of issues that we won’t be able to comprehend despite how vividly we experience those things firsthand. Shall we try to drift again?”