Chapter Text
Two years before.
Tik, Tok, Tik, Tok, Tik, Tok.....
The surrounding silence was so damn loud that every time the clock sounded were actually making her flinch, also the cold and loneliness was something suffocating that was making her hard to breathe, she wished that the feeling was new but god knew it wasn't. Felicity Smoak had known what being alone and scare was since her coward father walked away from them and never come back, only it got worse when her only family, her mother Donna die not too long after that, that cold night in the orphan was the first time Felicity feel what was being alone for real. The temporary homes were even worse, because everyone would see the cute and pretty blonde little girl, the perfect "daughter" with blue ocean eyes and choose her. Until they realized the kind of kid she was and returned her like she was garbage, like she was nothing and leave her in that cold and lonely place again. Some were nice, but other were a living hell of pain and tears that she would escape and run until the police funded her and took her back to the orphan, waiting for the next hell to start again.
With the time she got used to and decided to focus on her studies, getting lost in the world that she understood the most and were the loneliness or the pain of every punishment of her foster father were ignored or forgotten when she got lost in a computer or book. That went like that for so long, even after graduating from the M. I. T and started to work in QC, not letting anyone into her heart was the way that anyone would have the power to hurt her once again, those walls were her safe space for so long that it became easier than breathing. But of course that damn handsome hero had to walk into her office with a poor destroyed computer and a really horrible lies and made all those protections mechanism with only one look and her almost looking his soul, for some reason thst even herself didn't know how or why.
But even since then Felicity tried so damn hard to get over that stupid crush, but she knew that with every soft stare, every soft tone that he only used with her, every small touch or smile, that harmless "crush" was becoming in something more, and boy it did became something more. After Russia speach. It had become somehow easier to just give him the cold shoulder and be only professional in both their nigh and day job, until they walked in the foundry and found Oliver and Sara kissing, before announcing that they were together, and fuck if that did not break her heart right At that moment, but like always Felicity Smoak smiled big and hugged her friends like if her heart didn't break even more when Oliver hugged her tight and longer than any other of the team. Exactly for that she had fight against the unrequited feelings for the Vigilante, because she always that it was always going to end like this exactly moment.
With her sitting alone in her cold and empty table with a 23 year's happy birthday cupcake while Oliver was having family dinner on the Queen Mansion, with his mom, Thea and Sara's family too including her sister and Laurel boyfriend Tommy. Even Roy, Diggle and Lyla had been invited to celebrate Christmas all together. But Felicity and Moira tension was still there, so she wasn't invited, not that she would go anyway, after all the loneliness had become Felicity best friend.
"Don't take this personal, but this feels and looks depressing as hell, princess"
Felicity let a tired sign and close her eyes before turning to the voice direction. Where Floyd Lawton aka "Deathshot" was standing in full gear and a smirk on his face, but she weirdly still could see some sympathy under that teasing smirk, so she smiled sadly at him.
"Well at least I can say that all my Birthday's has a tradition after all" Felicity said seeing how Floyd returned the sad smile at her.
"Is time princess" He said in whisper not trying to scare her even more, and she nodded slowly at him. "The team already checked and there's no a soul close, just like you required it and the... Body is ready for us to bring it to your room" Lawton say in the most gentle tone that he could when Felicity turned to look forward with a blank stare.
This was it Felicity, though with more sadness that she thought it would felt after she had made the deal with Amanda Waller, no more calm days chilling out on her couch watching Netflix marathons, no more walks or running in the parks, no later nights on big belly burgers with the team (well it hadn't been for a while now, because everyone was busy with their partner, but still), no more bear hugs from Diggle and no more..... Oliver, an incredible sadness set on her gut, because this was it and the more pathetic part was nobody would be on her "funeral", but at least all her friends.... Him were happy, she thought feeling tears on her eyes and at the end it calms her down a little.
She had to go, but not before doing something first, Felicity clear her throat and turned to look back at Lawton who was obviously giving her time and space, at least she wasn't going to spend the rest of her days with a cold machine, she thought.
"Good, why don't you guys start, while I do one last thing, I have to..... Please?" She said in a quiet and broken tone.
It took a moment of stare between Felicity and Lawton, because she knew the rules and that were not to make contact because the show went down, but she needed it, at least one last time, and she hoped that Floyd could look that in her face.
"Okay, princess" He said with nod and walking away to help the others.
Felicity took a deep breath and took her phone from her pocket, going to the speed contacts were he was number one, 'God you are pathetic, Felicity' she muttered with sadness and bitter before hitting the bottom and put the phone on her ear, three rings after there was noise in the backround, before his strong and sin voice answered.
"Hi, Felicity" Oliver said with same tone that made her knees weak every time he said her name like that. But now was bringing tears on her eyes, "Felicity?..." he said after not hearing a thing.
"Hi" She said taking a deep breath, prying that he could not hear the tears on her voice.
"Oh hi, everything alright?" Oliver asked confused as why his IT boll of light was calling him so late.
"Yeah, Yeah I just wanted to tell you..." Felicity said with shaking voice, but stopped when laughter of people come out... Like a happy family should do on holidays all your loved ones and with that the tears started to fall in her cheeks and her body shaking with silent sobbing, because she had never and would never be part of his family, no matter how much she helped him, she was only the tech support at the end of the day.
"Ollie, come on" Sara voice said with laughter in her tone, before Thea joined.
"Yeah, big brother of mine, we are about to open the presents and see what you got for your girlfriend and amazing sister" She said making everyone laughed and him as well.
"Yeah, Yeah wait a second, okay... Ah Felicity, you still there?" He said with a frown, because since he had answered the phone wierd feeling was set on his belly for some unknown reason.
It Felicity a moment to control her tears and sobbing to answer back, stupidly she had hoped that maybe calling would make her chance her mind and plans, but once again her stupid pathetic fantasy was broken... he was happy with her not being there.
"Yeah, ah sorry to bother you, I should probably call you tomorrow and Yeah... That is what I will do, so anyway sorry to interrupt your family dinner" She said with silent tears and a fake cheerful voice.
But Oliver frown even more because even when Felicity try to mask the shaking voice with a cheerful one he could still notice and was making him more nervous about the strange feeling on his belly, but before he could to walk to somewhere more private and ask what was really wrong, Thea walked to him and started to drag him into the living room where everyone was smiling and careless, like him, but the whole night Oliver felt like something was missing, and he knew exactly what, or more precisely who.
"Come on, Ollie whoever is calling it can wait" Thea say.
"No it can't..." He started to correct his sister because when it comes to Felicity, everything or everyone could wait, but never her.
"Is okay, Oliver. She is right and besides, I'm heading to sleep anyway" Felicity said. "So goodnight, boss"
Oliver wanted to know what was wrong, but it was clear that she wanted to hang out already, so he closed his eyes and forced himself to do what she said even when his gut was telling him otherwise.
"Okay, Goodnight and Felicity..?" He said in a whisper.
"Yeah?" Felicity whispered back with tears falling freely.
"Merry Christmas..." He said in a teasing tone remembering the last time he said that to her and how he had no problem correcting him about being Jewish. He waited for her realized what he was doing and answered like she had in those first meetings.
Silence followed for a little, until her voice small and sad answer before the line went dead. "Goodbye, Oliver and.... Merry Christmas" Felicity said before hanging up.
And Oliver stood frozen for some time, before shaking his head and thinking that was only being paranoid and that tomorrow he was going to see Felicity anyway being that bright, fresh light that she always has been and walked towards the living room, to his family to open the all present, except the most special one that was well-kept on his room that was to be opened for the special person that he had bought it for, he thought with a tiny smile.
It wasn't until morning that Oliver Queen found out what he had lost when she had hang up that phone.