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Yasmin watched as the Doctor walked away and the sinking feeling in her chest grew.
The Doctor had smiled and responded cheerily enough to her request to see her home planet, but her eyes told a different story and that ‘another time’ was almost… too bubbly.
Her footsteps faded as she disappeared down one of the Tardis’s many hallways.
She swallowed. ‘I’m gonna go talk to her,’ she said, moving forwards before she lost her nerve.
‘Yeah, I’ll come too,’ Ryan said, and started off too.
Graham grabbed his arm. ‘Nah mate, let Yasmin take this one.’
Yasmin, once again, is really glad Graham is around.
She hurried after the Doctor, not making any effort to be quiet about it. And while the Doctor didn’t turn around and acknowledge Yaz was following her, she also didn’t tell her to go away, so that was all the encouragement she needed to continue.
Eventually she took a left into a doorway Yaz hadn’t been in before.
It was a decent sized room, but what was most impressive was the floor-to-ceiling screen showing an expansive galaxy along one wall. Actually, it was a window.
Yaz sometimes forgot that they could literally be floating in space right now.
Yasmin waited for the Doctor to say something too her, but instead she just sat down on the floor facing the window, knees to chest.
‘Is it ok if I join you?’ Yaz asked, ‘I won’t ask any more questions, promise.’
The doctor looked over and gave a quick, closed lip, smile. ‘Of course, Yaz.’
So she did.
They sat in silence for a while, shoulders an inch from touching.
‘I’m sorry.’
The Doctor looked at her. ‘What for?’
‘For the questions.’
She didn’t respond, so Yaz continued.
‘I just…’ she took a breath, ‘if you hadn’t told us by now, there’s probably a reason for that. So we shouldn’t have pushed.’
The Doctor sighed, looking back out in front of her.
‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it. Never gets old. The expanse of space, all those galaxies, solar systems, planets, beings. Billions upon billions of individual lives folding out in front of us.’ She seemed to be visibly relaxing, the tension slowly coming out of her shoulders.
‘I come here a lot, while you guys sleep.’
‘You don’t sleep?’ Yaz asked, then immediately gasped. ‘Shit, sorry, no questions.’
The Doctor laughed, ‘it’s alright, Yaz.’
Yaz shot her a quick grin, ‘still, sorry.’
They sat in comfortable silence for a while after that.
Yasmin listened to the Doctors breathing, realising that she’d been timing it with her own.
Or was it the other way round?
Either way, between that and the twinkling galaxies, Yaz felt more at ease than she ever had before. Without even thinking about it, she rested her head on the Doctor’s shoulder.
Remarkably, she didn’t flinch. In fact, she leaned into Yaz.
‘You’ve been through a lot, haven’t you Doctor?’ She asked quietly.
Yaz could feel her breath in, and then her swallowing. But she didn’t say anything, so she continued.
‘I hope you haven’t had to go through it alone.’
The Doctor shuddered, and Yaz thought she was physically repulsed, or about to yell, or something, and she tensed.
And then she realised that she was crying.
Like proper, full body sobbing.
‘Oh, I’m so sorry,’ Yaz murmured, gathering her into a tight embrace.
The Doctor continued to sob into her, and Yaz held her, feeling the raw pain coursing through her body.
She tried to think of something she could say to make it better, but on second thought, pretty much everything she’s said tonight has caused a fairly negative reaction, so she figured it wouldn’t be a bad idea to keep her mouth shut.
Eventually, the sobs subsided, and the Doctor sat up, peeling herself away from Yaz.
Yaz tried not to notice how much she immediately missed her warmth between her arms.
The Doctor wiped her face on her sleeves and gave Yaz a feeble grin.
Yaz opened her mouth, but the Doctor cut her off before she could say anything.
‘Don’t apologise Yaz, you’ve done nothing wrong,’ she said. ‘I promise.’
Yaz nodded mutely.
Now that the Doctor had recovered, they were sitting as before- but now with their shoulders touching.
‘I’m over a thousand years old, Yaz.’
Yaz looked at her. ‘Seriously?’
‘Yes. Quite a bit of that has been just me, alone,’ she said, ‘but not all of it. There’s been many, many amazing people along the way.’ She said quietly, blinking rapidly.
Yaz swallowed. ‘Well, you’ve got us now. Your fam.’
The Doctor gave her a sad smile. ‘I’ve had to say goodbye to them all, Yaz. Every single one.’ She trailed off, and Yaz knew what was being left unsaid.
She’d have to say goodbye to her too, one day.
‘No matter how much I try and try, and wish it wasn’t the case, at the end of it all, it always ends up being just me. Just me, flying through space and time in this box.’
Yaz didn’t know what to say to that. She was right- annoyingly. No amount of denial or optimism would change that.
But she also knew the Doctor, and how her life had changed since she met her. She felt like she was a different person now, a better one, with a new look on life.
Whenever anything went wrong, whenever she was feeling helpless or scared, it was now the Doctor’s voice that came into her head, guiding her through it.
‘Look Doctor, since travelling with you, I’ve come to realise some things. Life is short. Although I guess for you, life is long. But either way, you have to live every single day to the fullest, spend as much time doing things that make you happy, with the people you love.’ Yaz felt herself blush, and looked away.
‘That’s how I see it now, anyway. Just because something isn’t going to last forever doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.’
The Doctor placed an arm around her, and Yaz leaned in to the hug.
‘Thank you, Yasmin Khan. I’m glad I get to spend this time with you.’