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The Christmas party was at Marlene’s flat that year. The decorations were extravagant: live fairies, everlasting icicles, holly that grew an inch every ten minutes, singing baubles. The flat was crowded and just a little bit too warm. “Step into Christmas” was playing at a headache-inducing volume.
Remus had drunk too much - or maybe not enough, because he was still watching Sirius laugh from across the room and thinking about all the things he could never have. Sirius was wearing a red silk button up beneath his leather jacket. Remus, on the other hand, was just glad he’d managed to find something clean to wear for tonight. He rubbed his eyes. It was time to go home. He wove through the crowd toward the door, muttering “pardon” and “excuse me.” He took his unfortunate-looking coat from the hook on the wall and struggled to get it on. Sirius appeared out of nowhere and helped guide his arm through the left sleeve.
“Thanks,” Remus told him, embarrassed by his little display of helplessness. He found his hat in his coat pocket and picked off a bit of lint.
Sirius leaned against the wall. “You’re leaving already?”
“Yeah, I’m knackered.” And pissed, but that much was probably obvious.
“You’re not going to apparate, are you?” Sirius asked, eyebrows raised.
It hadn’t really occurred to Remus how he would get home in this state. “No, suppose not. I’ll take the Knight Bus.” Remus wrinkled his nose at the thought and reached into his pocket to see if he had enough money.
“I don’t envy you,” Sirius told him.
Remus did a quick count of the coins in his hand. It certainly wasn’t enough to take him to his parents’ house in Cambridge.
Sirius opened his mouth like he was about to say something.
“Don’t,” Remus said, not in the mood to be a charity case. Not that he ever was.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t offer me money.”
“Alright, I won’t.” Sirius rubbed his nose. “Why don’t you just stay at my flat for the night?”
Well, fuck. Remus crossed his arms and considered his (very limited) options. The tube had already stopped running. He could stay with James and Lily, but they hadn’t offered.
Sirius tapped his foot to the Carpenters’ Christmas song that had just started.
Remus couldn’t believe he’d gotten himself into this situation. Very poor planning on his part.
“Fine,” Remus said forcefully, not looking at Sirius. Remus hadn’t been to Sirius’s place in three months, since Sirius asked him to move into the bedroom James had vacated. Now definitely wasn’t the best time to return, but he didn’t have much of a choice.
“Alright, let me say my goodbyes and then we’ll walk to my place,” Sirius said, bumping his shoulder into Remus’s.
The amount of alcohol in Remus’s system helped to dull the chill of the night air, but his hands were still cold. His only pair of gloves had been ruined on his last Order mission, so he shoved his hands in his pockets and firmly refused the pair Sirius offered him. He didn’t want to always be taking with nothing to give.
It looked like it was about to snow. Remus didn’t mind snow - liked it, really - but he longed for a clear sky, for stars. Not that there were ever many stars to be seen in London. But if he focused hard enough, he could almost superimpose the winter constellations visible from Hogwarts on the pale gray above him. Almost. He stepped in a puddle and then tripped on the curb. A few blocks later, he stumbled again. “Fucking hell,” he muttered, and then felt Sirius’s hand on his arm. After a moment’s hesitation, he leaned into Sirius. He’d had enough to drink that Sirius wouldn’t think anything of it.
“I haven’t seen you this drunk since our graduation party,” Sirius said, amused.
“Oh, please, ‘m not that drunk.” But then he caught a whiff of Sirius’s cologne and the way it made him nearly dizzy told Remus that he was, in fact, that drunk. Drunk enough to imagine kissing Sirius’s neck, where the scent was probably the strongest. Drunk enough to dread the moment when they’d arrive at the flat and Sirius would let go of him.
“How much farther?” Remus asked. His feet felt heavy.
“Another two miles or so,” Sirius informed him.
“Padfoot!” For fuck’s sake - had Sirius been walking them in circles?
“Just ten more minutes,” Sirius admitted.
The snow Remus had anticipated was finally making its way down to earth. “Very Christmassy,” he said, trying to catch a few flakes on his bare hand as if they wouldn’t melt instantly.
“I see that you’re waiting until the last minute to decorate,” Remus remarked as they entered the flat.
Sirius just shrugged and took off his coat.
The thing about being here was that Remus couldn’t help but think about what he’d been offered: a life with Sirius. Temporary, of course, and not in the way he wanted - but still, he wondered if turning it down had been the wrong decision. As unbearable as it would have been to wake up every day with what he wanted right in front of him yet always out of reach, it would have been as close as he’d ever get.
Remus slumped down onto the couch and rubbed his eyes.
“Tea?” Sirius suggested as he untied his Docs.
“Ta, Sirius.” Things had been a bit off between them since Sirius asked him to move in, but Remus figured they would go back to normal with a little time. At least, as normal as things could be, given that they were playing at being grown ups while the wizarding world was teetering on the edge of disaster.
Sirius filled the kettle with water and put it on the stove. Remus wondered when he’d gotten into that habit. A younger Sirius would have scoffed at doing something like that without magic.
“Thanks,” Remus said when Sirius handed over a hot mug. Remus savored the warmth on his fingers. He took a sip and found that his friend still knew exactly how he liked his tea.
Sirius sat down next to him and draped an arm over the back of the couch.
“Have fun tonight?” Sirius asked, and then lit the fireplace with a wordless incantation.
Remus held back a sigh. “I thought I would, if I drank enough. But I’m still sober enough to think about all the things I shouldn’t, so.” He shrugged.
“Like what?” The way the Sirius’s eyes reflected the flames was distracting.
Remus chewed his lip. “Like how I got fired yesterday.” He reached down to unlace his boots. It hadn’t been a great job - it mostly involved restocking various slimy potion ingredients - but it was a job.
“Fuck, Moony.” Sirius’s hand touched Remus’s shoulder briefly. “I’m sorry. That’s-”
“Don’t. Like I said, I don’t want to think about it.” Remus settled back into the cushions and closed his eyes. He felt just comfortable enough to drift off.
“Remus?” Sirius said tentatively.
“Yes?” He opened his eyes and blinked at Sirius.
“Why won’t you move in?”
There it was. This was why Remus hadn’t wanted to stay over tonight. He sighed and stared into the remains of his tea. “I can’t afford-”
“Oh, please, that’s not it. You know that I wouldn’t make you pay rent. And I know it’s not because you want to stay with your parents, either. Peter told me you were looking at flats together.” Sirius crossed his arms and scowled.
“Bloody Peter…” Remus muttered. He’d asked Peter not to mention it to the others unless they actually found a place.
“So what is it then? Is my presence just that intolerable?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Remus told him, shaking his head. Sometimes, maybe, he hid his feelings for Sirius a little too well.
“Then just tell me!” Sirius was not the most patient person, but usually he didn’t get like this with Remus, which meant that it was really bothering him.
“Trust me, it’s better if you don’t know.” Remus took a swig of his tea and wished it was something stronger.
Sirius tapped his fingers rapidly on the arm of the couch. “I don’t like when we keep secrets from each other,” he said, looking genuinely upset.
“Is that so?” Remus responded, aggravated by the accusation. Well, two could play at this game. “I’m not the only one who’s been keeping something to himself.”
Sirius leaned forward in his chair suddenly. “It’s because I’m queer, isn’t it?” he said sharply.
Remus nearly dropped his mug. “What? No!” Oh, christ. He was bothered that Sirius hadn’t told him, not because he was bent.
“You lived with me for seven years without a problem but as soon as you figured this out, well, fuck, there’s no way-”
“Shut up, Sirius! You can’t honestly think that-”
“Don’t act like-”
“You know what?” Remus stood up, feeling the blood rush to his head. “I’m going to James’ and Lily’s.”
Sirius looked up at him, a challenge in his eyes. “And how are you going to get there?”
“I’ll walk,” Remus said, already moving toward Sirius’s coat rack, boots in one hand.
“For Merlin’s sake.”
Remus heard Sirius’s footsteps on the hardwood floor. Remus got one arm into his sleeve okay but was having a bit of a hard time with the other. He slipped his arm through just as Sirius was reaching out to help.
“It’ll take you two hours from here!” Sirius argued.
“Well, I could use a bit of peace and quiet,” Remus said dryly, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He could almost feel the headache he would have in the morning.
Sirius blocked the door with his arm. “Moony, just stay,” he said gently, then bit his lip.
Remus looked away from Sirius’s face, because that was easier.
“I’ll make up the sofa for you. I’m sorry.”
Remus met Sirius’s eyes. He hadn’t expected an apology. He had learned the hard way not to expect Sirius to apologize for anything. But Remus could see that Sirius meant it, that he understood he shouldn’t have pushed like he was wont to.
“Alright.”
Sirius stepped away. “Accio bedding,” he said quietly, and various sheets and pillows came floating towards them from a closet. Remus was surprised that Sirius owned any bedding aside from what must currently be on his own bed. The sheets weren’t folded, but it was still impressive.
In the living room, Sirius tried a bit of wandwork that was not successful in situating the bedding on the couch. Remus rolled his eyes and did the charm correctly. Sirius hung up Remus’s coat for him, clearly trying to mollify Remus.
“Well,” Sirius said, rubbing the back of his neck.
Remus took off his jumper, folded it, and placed it on the coffee table. “Goodnight, Padfoot,” he said as he fluffed up his pillow.
“G’night,” Sirius replied, and stood still for a moment before retreating to his bedroom.
Unfortunately, Remus was not inebriated enough to fall asleep instantly. Instead, he was thinking about all the reasons he did not want to have feelings for Sirius.
One, Sirius was one of his closest friends (probably his closest, although Remus didn’t like to think that because he obviously wasn’t Sirius’s best mate). Remus didn’t have many friends to begin with, and he wasn’t willing to risk losing one over something as foolish as feelings.
Two, Sirius was a man. Of course Remus didn’t have anything against gay people - in fact, he’d long felt a sort of affinity with them, since he too was ostracized by society for something he couldn’t control. But he was already a werewolf, and poor and a half-blood on top of that, and he didn’t want to be queer, too. Unfortunately, although Remus was attracted to women, it didn’t end there, and he really had no choice in the matter.
Three, Sirius was Sirius. He was impulsive and temperamental and headstrong. And though Remus hoped he was growing out of it, he was often self-involved and tended to have tunnel vision. Of course, that wasn’t all. He was also fiercely loyal, and brilliant, and generous. He was charismatic and animated and the least boring person Remus knew. He fought tooth and nail for what he believed in and, against all odds, he also knew how to be gentle.
Four, Sirius would never, ever want him. It didn’t matter that Sirius was gay - Remus had known as much for a while. Remus knew himself, and the fact was that he was not someone Sirius could ever see in that way.
But none of this stopped Remus from wanting. He pulled a pillow over his head.
Remus nearly managed to leave without Sirius knowing, but when he unhooked his coat from the rack his small leatherbound notebook fell out of the pocket. Remus bent over to pick it up, which made his head hurt, and then the bedroom door creaked open.
“Moony?” Sirius was shirtless and bleary eyed.
“Hello,” he said, making sure not to stare.
“I was going to make breakfast, you know,” Sirius told him, leaning against the wall.
“I’m not hungry.” This much was true. He was actually a bit nauseous.
“Let’s have some tea, then.” Sirius ran a hand through his messy hair.
Remus crossed his arms and tucked his chin into his chest. “I don’t want to impose any longer.”
Sirius threw his hands up. “For fuck’s sake, Moony. You’ve never imposed on anyone, least of all me.”
Remus couldn’t help but smile a little at that. He liked morning Sirius.
Sirius strolled into the kitchen and put on the kettle without waiting for a response. “I’m making eggs.”
“I don’t want any, honestly.”
Sirius raised his eyebrow at Remus as he sat down at one of the two wicker chairs in the kitchen.
“I’m hungover,” Remus informed him, playing with the salt shaker. Hopefully the worst of it would be over by the time he met Lily for afternoon tea.
“I’m not surprised.”
Remus rubbed his temples.
“How about some toast then?” Sirius offered, taking some bread out of the cupboard.
Remus would never admit it, but he kind of liked when Sirius tried to take care of him. “Yes please, mother .”
“Oi!” Sirius threw the loaf at Remus’s head.
Remus snorted in laughter and accidentally banged his elbow on the table.
Sirius stood there staring at him, the jovial atmosphere suddenly changed.
“Alright there, Pads?” Remus asked warily.
Sirius nodded. Remus handed him the loaf. Sirius cut the bread in silence. The kettle whistled and he prepared two cups of tea.
When the toast was ready, Sirius joined Remus at the table. Sirius covered his slices in a sickening amount of butter.
“Sleep okay?” Sirius asked, wiping crumbs from his mouth.
“Yes. Thanks.” Remus crumbled a bit of toast between his fingers. “I mean, thank you for letting me stay.”
“Don’t get all formal on me so early in the morning, Moony.” Sirius kicked Remus’s leg under the table.
Remus smiled. Then he looked away and clasped his hands together. In a way, it would be easy to live with Sirius. Familiar, comfortable. But. “If I told you why I can’t live here, you wouldn’t want me to anyway.”
Sirius perked up. “Try me.”
“No, I don’t think I will.” Remus took a sip of his tea, regretting that he’d brought the topic up again.
“You might as well, if the end result will be the same.” Sirius clearly wasn’t going to let this go - he was just being less aggressive about it.
“It wouldn’t.” Remus gazed out the window. The roofs and windowsills were coated with a thin layer of snow, but the sun was shining.
Sirius tapped his fingers on the table. “Let’s trade. I’ll tell you something I haven’t told you if you tell me why you won’t move in.”
Remus ran his finger along the rim of the teacup, considering. He wasn’t about to reveal his secret to Sirius unless Sirius shared something of equal weight, which Remus doubted would happen. He met Sirius’s gaze. “You first.” Remus couldn’t deny that he was curious.
Sirius leaned in toward him.
“I’m in love with you.”
Jesus fucking christ. Remus couldn’t believe Sirius thought this was a funny thing to say. Just when he thought that Sirius was finally growing up. Remus forced a laugh.
Sirius leaned back and did not laugh. He looked almost… scared.
“You - what?” Remus asked, utterly bewildered.
“Listen, don’t get me wrong - I’m not trying to-” Sirius cleared his throat and bit his lip. “I know you like girls, Moony - I just-” He drummed his fingers on the table as if that would help him articulate whatever he was trying to say, then stopped abruptly. “Like I said, I don’t like when we keep secrets from each other. And I know you, I know that you think no one could possibly feel that way about you, and I want you to know that you’re wrong. They could. I mean-” he looked directly at Remus, “I do.”
Remus felt like someone had hit him with a body-bind curse. What in Merlin’s name was wrong with Sirius? Had he accidentally ingested a love potion?
“Remus?” Sirius said his name like it was a question and he was afraid of the answer.
Remus stood up, walked to the door, grabbed his coat with one hand and shoes with the other, and then walked out. He apparated to the first place he could think of.
He appeared a few hundred yards from his grandparent’s old farmhouse (or what remained of it, anyway). His stomach clenched, upset by the travel and the amount of alcohol he’d consumed the previous night. He dropped his shoes and vomited once into the grass.
“What a weird morning,” he muttered, wiping his mouth.
It was colder here than it had been in London, and certainly colder than Sirius’s kitchen. Remus cast a warming charm and pulled on his coat and shoes quickly. His breath came out in clouds of vapor.
Remus glanced at his watch. Christ, he had about six hours to kill before it was time to meet with Lily. That might just be enough time to figure out what the fuck had possessed Sirius to say what he’d said.
“Remus?”
“Sorry?”
Lily sat across the table from him, lit by the afternoon light coming in through the café window. She was looking at him expectantly. “I asked how your job is going.”
“Oh. Right. Fine,” he lied, eyeing the remainder of his scone. He was trying to make it last at least twenty minutes, because he couldn’t afford to buy anything else, but it was difficult - his hangover had mostly been replaced by a dull hunger.
“Hm.” Lily managed to instill skepticism into the brief sound.
Remus hoped she wouldn’t ask any further questions on that topic. “How’s the morning sickness?”
“It comes and goes,” Lily sighed. “The worst of it is that when I vomit, James does too.”
Remus stifled a laugh. “He doesn’t have a very strong stomach.”
“No. Hopefully he doesn’t pass that on to the baby,” Lily said wryly.
He couldn’t believe that Lily and James - James - were going to be parents. Not that he didn’t want that for them, but they were so young, and every day the future looked more bleak.
Remus wondered what Sirius was up to. If Remus was lucky - which he generally wasn’t - then Sirius would already be on his way to getting over their disastrous morning.
“Remus,” Lily said, tapping his hand to get his attention. “Is there something going on between you and Sirius?”
Was Lily secretly a Legilimens? “No. Like what? Why?” He was failing terribly at sounding nonchalant.
“Well, it seemed like you were avoiding him last night,” she went on, looking at him with a curious expression.
“I wasn’t!”
Lily laughed. “You’re not a very good liar, you know that? I’m surprised that the boys didn’t find out about you sooner.”
Remus thinks they would have known earlier on if they’d even considered it a remote possibility that a Dark Creature was sharing their dormitory.
“So,” she continued as if his answer had been affirmative, “what happened with Sirius?”
Remus shook his head. He was about to say “nothing,” but then it struck him that it might be good to get off his chest, and Lily would probably understand. She knew that Sirius sometimes behaved in inexplicable (and inexcusable) ways.
“Well,” he started, unsure where to begin. “You know how Sirius will get an idea stuck in his head, and then just won’t let it go, even if it doesn’t make any sense.”
Lily nodded and took a sip of her Earl Gray.
“Well, this morning - I stayed over at his place last night because I was a bit too sloshed to apparate - this morning-” if he didn’t say it now, it wouldn’t come out at all - “he told me he’s in love with me, which is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. I mean, I can’t even imagine how he came to that conclusion.” Remus wondered if he’d just accidentally outed Sirius. Probably not, because Lily was very intuitive.
She looked intrigued but not at all surprised. “So what did you say?”
“Nothing,” Remus told her. “I left.” His appetite for the scone was waning.
Lily pursed her lips. “You’re not even going to talk to him about it?”
“I don’t see that helping anything.” Remus was already beginning to regret this conversation. Lily was not being as sympathetic as he expected.
Lily crossed her arms and tilted her head. “How do you feel about all this?”
“I think that if I just give him space for a few weeks, he’ll come to his senses and we can pretend-”
“No, Remus, how do you feel? ”
Remus had been diligently avoiding asking himself that question all day. Remus stared at the dregs of his tea, for once wishing he’d paid more attention in Divination. “You know how I feel about him.” He’d confessed it to her one night near the end of a party in the common room. Actually, she’d wheedled it out of him, much like she was now.
Lily put her hand on his arm. “It’s okay to let people love you,” she said gently.
Remus yanked his arm away. “Sorry - I’ve just remembered that I left the stove on at home, I’d better go.” He stood up abruptly.
“Aren’t your parents home?” Lily asked, and of course she saw right through him.
“Er, no, not at the moment.” He reached into his pocket for the little money that was there and dropped it on the table. He couldn’t quite read the look on her face. Pity, maybe?
“Tell James I said hello.” Remus turned on his heel and walked out, the bell over the door chiming as he passed through. He hoped Lily could hear the apology in his voice.
Unsure where else to go, as he’d already ambled about Diagon Alley for hours earlier in the day, he apparated home. As he walked up to his parents’ house, he started formulating an excuse to hole up in his room.
“Hello, love,” his mother said when he entered the living room. She was sitting on the couch next to the Christmas tree, reading. His father was dozing in the recliner that was older than Remus was.
“Hi.” He began unbuttoning his coat. It was very warm inside: stuffy, even.
“How was the party?” she put her book down and smiled at him.
“Oh, good. But I didn’t sleep much, so I think I’ll go have a lie down.” He was already making his way toward the stairs.
“Are you alright?” his mother called.
“Fine!” he told her, continuing up the stairs.
In his bedroom, he sat on the bed and stared at the collection of photos on the wall across from him. All, except one new addition, were from his Hogwarts years. He didn’t like to be reminded of the time in his life before he had friends.
It occurred to him that what Sirius said might be true.
But it just didn’t make sense. Sirius could have anyone - well, anyone who was that way inclined - so why would he want Remus? He knew nearly every tedious detail of Remus’s life and was intimately familiar with all of Remus’s shortcomings. Remus traced the scar on his left cheek. It wasn’t like he was anything to look at, either. Even if it hadn’t been for all the marks he’d left on himself.
“I know you,” Sirius had said. “I know that you think no one could possibly feel that way about you, and I want you to know that you’re wrong.”
Remus took down the picture of him and Sirius from last Christmas, when it had just been the two of them at Hogwarts. Remus had insisted to his friends that he’d be alright during the Full and urged them to go home for the holiday. Sirius refused. In the picture, which had been taken by a wayward fourth year, Sirius was wearing a stupid hat and was trying to force a matching one on Remus. Ultimately, they ended up in a heap on the floor, laughing.
Maybe Remus was the one being hardheaded.
He tugged at his hair. Maybe he was hurting them both and throwing away their one chance, all for - what? For what? His own self-effacement?
That hardly seemed worth it.
Remus turned on his heel to apparate and found himself on Sirius’s doorstep again. He caught a brief glimpse of Sirius’s face through the window, which doubled Remus’s heart rate, and then the door was open and Sirius was standing there and staring at him. His eyes were a bit red and he smelled of firewhiskey.
“You’re supposed to ask me a security question,” Remus said, startled.
“Right,” Sirius replied, looking dumbfounded. “Erm… what did you give me for my seventeenth birthday?”
“A motorbike jacket,” Remus responded, stepping inside. “But that’s not a very good question. Anyone could look at you and guess that.” Remus unwrapped his scarf from around his neck and hoped that he didn’t seem as nervous as he felt.
“Okay, well, what did James give me?” Sirius asked, shutting the front door on the chilly night.
“A flea collar,” Remus said, unbuttoning his coat. He took a deep breath and faced Sirius. “Did you mean it?”
“Mean what?”
Remus wasn’t about to say it for him.
They were standing very close together.
“Yes,” Sirius said at last.
Remus would be lying if he told himself that Sirius didn’t look like he meant it. He didn’t want to lie to himself about this. He took Sirius’s face in his cold hands and kissed him unapologetically.
He wasn’t shoving him away; he was kissing Remus back. Then Sirius pulled back suddenly, head thudding against the wall and said, “Remus - what - you’re not-”
“Please, shut up.” They could talk about this later.
Sirius was staring at Remus’s lips, slack-jawed, so Remus got back to it. He’d be damned if he was going to turn away from this now, when Sirius was running his hands through his hair, when Remus could feel the warmth of his body. He slipped his tongue into Sirius’s mouth and Sirius sucked at it. Sirius pulled Remus’s coat off. Remus slipped one hand under Sirius’s shirt and cupped his arse with the other. Sirius kissed Remus’s neck and bit his earlobe. Every inch of Remus was certain that he’d done the right thing.
“I’m sorry for running off earlier,” Remus said quietly, his hand resting on Sirius’s head which lay atop his chest. “I panicked. I didn’t know what to think…”
“Well, I’m sorry-”
“No, Sirius, don’t apologize for anything.” That was something he never thought he’d say to Sirius, but he also never thought he’d be naked in Sirius’s bed, yet here he was.
“Are you going to disappear in the morning?” Sirius asked quietly.
Remus wasn't sure he'd ever be able to leave this bed. Sirius shifted away, propped his head up with one hand, and gave Remus a searching look.
“No,” Remus said honestly.
Sirius traced circles on Remus’s stomach, and it almost tickled, but not quite. Remus inhaled deeply. Sirius didn't smell of alcohol anymore; he smelled like himself, and the scent was intoxicating.
“Alright, Lupin,” Sirius said, sitting up.
Well, the moment of peace was over; now they had to Talk About It.
“A deal’s a deal. You never told me why you didn’t want to move in.”
“Oh,” Remus said, and then snorted. He'd forgotten why Sirius confessed his feelings in the first place. “I thought you’d have figured that out. It’s because I fancy you.”
Sirius frowned. “I don’t see why that would have stopped you.”
Remus pulled the blanket up to his rib cage. He didn't really feel like explaining himself, but he owed it to Sirius. “I didn’t think I could bear being here every day without ever being able to get closer to you,” he admitted, gazing at the ceiling.
“Okay." Sirius perked up, and Remus knew what he would say next. "Since that’s no longer the case, will you, Remus John Lupin, please put me out of my misery and move in?”
Remus frowned and bit his lip. “I still don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
Sirius pounced on him, eliciting an “oomph!"
“Merlin’s balls, Moony! Say yes! I know you want to.”
“Get off, you great mutt,” Remus protested, but he was barely managing to hold back a smile.
“Make me.”
Remus, with very little difficulty, flipped Sirius over and pinned him down. He narrowed his eyes at Sirius. “Fine.”
“Fine? As in fine, you’ll move in?” Sirius looked up at him, eyes wide.
“Fine,” Remus said again, and then he let himself smile. He released his hold on Sirius’s arms and leaned down to kiss him.
Sirius threw his arms around Remus and brought him closer.
“So you’ll spend Christmas with me, then?” Sirius asked as Remus kissed his collarbone.
Remus pictured his mother's face if he told her he'd be spending Christmas away from home for the second year in a row. “No,” Remus said, his lips touching Sirius’s skin.
“Oh.”
“I think I ought to do Christmas with my parents." Remus brushed his thumb along Sirius's collarbone, where a hickey was blooming. God, Sirius was beautiful. Remus couldn't believe he was allowed to touch him. "I thought you’d be with the Potters, anyway?”
Sirius shook his head. “It’s Lily’s first Christmas with them.” Remus ought to send Lily an owl tomorrow and thank her for what she’d said. “I didn’t want to be in the way.”
Remus pressed his nose into the crook of Sirius’s neck. It was difficult to imagine being apart from Sirius for a whole day. “In that case, why don’t you come to my house?” His parents liked Sirius well enough (well, his mother did, at least). They'd have to appear platonic for the duration of the visit, but that would be easy enough with a closed door and a strong silencing charm.
“Really?” Sirius pressed the palm of his hand into the small of Remus's back. “I don’t think your dad likes me very much."
“Perhaps because you crashed a motorbike into his garage?” Remus suggested, and then shook with laughter that he just barely kept silent.
“Well I doubt he could have flown it any better!”
Remus laughed out loud. “Be that as it may, I think that if you make a calmer entrance, his opinion of you could improve.”
Sirius touched the hairs at the base of Remus’s neck. “You know that’s not my style," he said cheekily.
“No,” Remus agreed, shifting so that his head lay next to Sirius's on the pillow. “I suppose I that’s why I love you.” He'd intended the last bit as a joke, but of course it wasn't, and when Sirius smiled like he'd been waiting all his life for Remus to say that to him, Remus was glad it wasn't.
What Remus had dreaded most about leaving Hogwarts wasn't his lack of job prospects or moving back in with his parents: it was losing the sense of belonging he'd never expected to find in the first place. But he hadn't lost it, after all. It was right here.
