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Language:
English
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Published:
2020-01-18
Updated:
2020-01-18
Words:
1,065
Chapters:
1/?
Kudos:
112
Bookmarks:
8
Hits:
1,025

try again

Summary:

jaehyun decides what idolatry means to him. he comes home.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: please remember

Chapter Text

jaehyun can feel the sweat from behind his eyebrows, a buzzing heat as he blinks. he’s trying to figure out if he can really bend his arm the way the choreography seems to want him to. some part of jaehyun is quietly assigning it as a lost cause, but taeyong can do it. there’s no reason he can’t.

he runs through one of the old b-stage choreographies for a quick break, cataloging the parts that don’t come to him freely anymore. his knees are creaking a little, but he’d already taken some calcium supplements. it should sort itself out soon.

a low thrum of frank ocean tumbles from his bag. he takes a moment to rake his fingers through the stringy mess of his bangs and shake the cramps from his lower back. he rummages through the outer pocket of his bag, having left it in the half of the practice room he’d left the lights off.

his eyes catch on his under-eye circles in the mirror. he looks distorted.

jaehyun slides the call to answer. “hey, baby,” he says.

“hi, baby,” says donghyuck. then, without preamble, “come home and play games with me?”

jaehyun flicks his eyes to the upper corner of his phone. it’s well into the am.

there are no schedules tomorrow. “okay,” says jaehyun.

 

 

in the privacy of their room, the world has shrunk down to the space in four walls.

“chocolate abs,” remarks donghyuck as jaehyun steps out of their shared bathroom. his skin is faintly steaming, and he drags his towel down his body to catch stray drops of water.

donghyuck is backlit from the blue light of his computer, paused on the loading screen of pubg. his hair is grey and unstyled, worn oversized shirt pulled low over his sharp collarbones. his eyes glint from behind the glasses he only wears at home.

donghyuck is turned to face jaehyun, chin tucked in the palm of his hand thoughtfully, propped on the arm of his gaming chair.

jaehyun hums, dropping the towel around his waist to pull out his night clothes. shadows from the screen jump on the walls, and his eyes shuffle over the room. he makes a note to empty his trash can the next day and clear the cans of red bull on donghyuck’s desk.

donghyuck seems content to watch him putter about as he dries his hair and clear his belongings. on the walk to the dorms, his surroundings had seemed blurred. it’s strange how the jut of the furniture to the drag of the carpet is suddenly in sharp focus. jaehyun’s neck prickles with a phantom burn.

jaehyun climbs into bed.

“you’re probably too tired to play games with your favorite dongsaeng,” says donghyuck. behind him, an alarm clock glares 4:12 am in red block print. jaehyun likes that donghyuck is shameless enough to say things like that when they both dote on chenle like a newborn baby. he’s not too far from the truth, anyway.

“maybe tomorrow,” says jaehyun. donghyuck snorts and crosses his thin, defined ankles. his feet are bare. jaehyun wonders if he isn’t cold.

“okay,” donghyuck agrees easily. he powers off his computer.

their beds had been pushed together relatively soon into their rooming assignment. donghyuck had insisted that it freed up floor space, and it did. they’d put in another cabinet. jaehyun hadn’t particularly minded.

it does mean that jaehyun stirs from his doze when donghyuck finishes washing up in the restroom.

the mattress doesn’t creak, because jaehyun is a light sleeper and they’d made the switch to memory foam a few months ago. he still feels the dips where donghyuck’s hands and knees crawl over to him. over him.

donghyuck’s sleep shorts are thin and loose. they slide up his thighs if he makes any sort of movement.

“baby,” says donghyuck. his legs are long and honeyed and braced against the sides of jaehyun’s hips. jaehyun can feel heat seep through his blanket against the press of contact.

“baby,” says jaehyun. it comes out a croak.

“baby,” repeats donghyuck. his voice is sweet and clear, and it sounds sweeter in the dark and scant inches away from jaehyun’s face. donghyuck lifts a hand from jaehyun’s pillow to cradle it against jaehyun’s jaw. “can i sleep with you tonight?”

if jaehyun angled his gaze, he could look down donghyuck’s chest where his overlarge shirt had fallen. it was one of taeil’s. he fixes his eyes on donghyuck’s face instead, down the pretty slope of his nose and the curves of his brow, the slant of his eyes. jaehyun brings up his own hand to press at the moles on donghyuck’s cheeks.

jaehyun carefully sets aside the burn in his stomach and is sincere when he says, “of course.”

donghyuck doesn’t waste time slipping under jaehyun’s covers on his side of the bed, doesn’t hesitate to tangle his fingers through jaehyun’s and lay it over his waist, easily puts his legs in between jaehyun’s, presses the whole of his chest flush to jaehyun’s back. there are a million different points of contact pricking at jaehyun’s nerves. donghyuck presses his cold nose to the nape of jaehyun’s neck and huffs warm breaths there.

jaehyun’s hairs stand on end.

“thank you, oppa,” donghyuck says, teasing. he’s already half-unconscious, and it’s clear he thinks little of it when he hooks his chin on jaehyun’s shoulder and immediately lets unconsciousness claim him.

jaehyun, though. he lies there, holding himself tense. he feels breaths that are not his own rumble through him from sheer proximity. he feels skin-on-skin like a brand. he listens to the hum of the heating unit.

jaehyun spends more time than he’d like wondering what would happen if he held on back. if he reached out and touched for himself. he thinks about the part of the choreography he still hasn’t gotten down he’ll have to ask to dance teacher to run through with again, the vlive he’d broadcasted last week, the music show he’d hosted. the shower had worked out some of the kinks in his joints, but he still feels them pulsing pain under his skin. he thinks about his fans cooing handsome, handsome, handsome, the under-breath asides hissing too perfect, the mother’s friend’s son.

it isn’t until he counts to one hundred in tens of iterations before he convinces himself that he’s relaxed enough to fall asleep.

 

Notes:

basically i couldn't stop thinking abt jaehyuck calling each other baby and jaehyun is so hard to read i wanted to get to know him and of course as always i love haechan more every day